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Coach Taylor is just generally pissed at the world until Tami tells him to relax and ease up on punishing Smash for the steroids. So he makes a house call to tell the kid that he is forgiven, and also to give him a heartwarming speech about how sometimes they all forget why they love the game so much. Coach knows when to let things go.
Tim needs to get his dad to sign something related to a traffic ticket he got. He goes on a little trip in search of him, finally locating the good-for-nothing louseâ¦at a golf course. Not quite the "gritty" familial drama I had hoped for. Just like Billy warned his little brother, his father is charming at first, until he reveals himself to be a jackass who doesn't know when to let things go.
Matt is more and more caught up in football jock nonsense, which from what I can tell generally involves: a) a lot of "wooooo!!!"-ing; b) rally girls wearing not much more than football jerseys; and c) beer. Since it does not really include much Julie, Julie takes this opportunity to become even more awesome by befriending Tyra, who brings her to a strip club, teaches her how to shoplift, and puts together the most awesome girls' night ever involving Julie, Tyra, Grandma Saracen, geriatric pedicures, and white wine. But when Matt's carousing becomes slightly indiscreet, Julie seems like she's ready to let him go.
Oh, and Jason and Lyla probably aren't going to get married. Bravo, show, with the knowing when to let the novelty plot twists go. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
At the Garritys', the family plus Jason are outside having a fall evening picnic. Jason explains the rules of quad rugby to Lyla's twenty-eight-year-old mom who nods and coos and exclaims. Buddy's at the grill. Jason says he wants to be "picker" and Lyla clarifies that it's like the quarterback position of the team. Lyla's mom asks if this is what she sees "them" playing at the YMCA, and Jason is, like, um, no, because that the YMCA is totally not Xtreme. Jason tells her that what she sees at the Y is wheelchair basketball and it's for GRANNIES: "there's a huge difference." Why all the hate for wheelchair basketball? From off screen, Buddy jerks, "Oh, yeah, huuuge difference." Jason's smile tightens and he turns to his future father-in-fat to tell him that the guys playing quad rugby are "world-class athletes. Three last year won medals." Lyla's mom says, brightly, "Oh, itn't that greaaat" and I sort of can't blame the Garritys for their condescension, because, really, "medals"?
Buddy is itching for a fight, though, and he continues, telling Jason he knows that the sport is a good hobby. Lyla tells her Dad that it isn't a hobby, and Buddy replies that "you can't make a livin' from it, honey, so it must be a hobby." The women see where this is going and ask the boys to stop and just eat. Jason pauses and decides to go for it, "What do you have against quad rugby, Mr. Garrity?" wondering why every time he comes over, he makes fun of it. Buddy is not above mixing it up with a seventeen-year-old, and he starts asking Jason how he's going to make a living. I sure am glad my dad was a little more hands-off with my boyfriends in high school, who probably would have answered that question with an interpretive keg stand performance. But right now the conversation starts getting really heated, and Buddy asks Jason if he plans on making his living off the lawsuit against Coach Taylor. Jason tells Buddy to stop acting "like a little kid" and get over that. In the background, some tense guitars start up, and I'm happy to hear that it's my husband's old friends from Austin, those friends who once did their "smash up their equipment" routine right in the middle of his living room, the incomparably-annoyingly-named ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead.
Buddy turns directly to Jason and starts pointing and shouting at him for suing "my team." Jason guffaws, "Your team? Your team? How 'bout a little compassion over here, Mr. Garrity, I'm the one who's paralyzed." The soundtrack builds, and Buddy finally turns away from Jason to try to cool things down. He tells Jason to "play the game, play the game," but Jason is still hopped up and he tells him that he will, and not only will he play, but when he tours all over the world, he'll take Lyla with him, "cuz we're getting married." This stops the Garritys in their tracks, as both Lyla's parents stand slackjawed. Lyla, for her part, clenches a whispered "Jason!" and looks at him in total annoyance. I mean, what a boob, right? But Jason plows ahead, announcing that they picked out a ring that morning. Lyla's mom walks away, and then Lyla herself gets up and leaves Jason to shout after her, insisting he hasn't done anything wrong.
Uninspiring credits. Drive-by camera, town at night, lots of cars with Panther well-wishes soaped on their windows. Voice-over brings us to Applebee's for a "special edition of Panther football radio." The crowd noshes and cheers (though perhaps the term "noshing" is too ethnic to describe dinner at Applebee's in small-town Texas). The radio personality announces that Dillon has pulled the McNulty (holla, David Simon?) Mavericks and everyone boos. Pan around the restaurant -- following Tyra's delivery of various disgusting items ("Quesadilla burger"?) -- to various tables and overhear that all anyone-- Buddy Garrity, the boosters, the Mouth Breathing jocks -- is talking about is whether Smash will play on Friday.
Cut to Matt and Julie, first seen from outside the window of the restaurant. I don't know if I'll ever get tired of all the visual editorializing in this show; shooting through the window at first is as effective an underline as the writing and performance of this small intimate moment. Matt asks Julie about her meeting with Mr. Connelly, and she excitedly says it went well, saying what she wants is to get a column where she can write reviews of movies, books, et cetera. Aw! But while Matt is, for once, paying attention to what Julie wants and likes and needs, some commotion starts brewing in the background until the radio announcer calls Matt up to the booth. So much for that, honey. The whole restaurant cheers and claps for him. He tells Julie that he doesn't need to go up there, but she tells him to go on. As he walks up there, Julie catches the eyes of a couple of sluts eyeing him like he's a sex-filled eclair.
Later, Julie lounges outside the restaurant waiting for Matt. He rushes out apologizing for what happened. Julie's voice goes higher -- she's her mother's daughter -- as she unconvincingly squeaks that "it's cool, you're the big star now." He apologizes some more, but just as they are about to make up, their dialogue gets drowned out by a car squealing up to them and Tim Riggins screaming at Matt that "tonight is your night, my friend! You're coming with us!" He hops out of the car and drags Matt, despite his stuttered and mumbled protestations, into it. Julie is in the background, saying, "Uh...no, no, no." Tim tells her it's "a football thing" and as they pull off, she asks to no one in particular, "how am I going to get home?"
As Julie mutters under her breath, "Football," the camera reveals Tyra a little ways down the sidewalk from her. Tyra tells the young 'un that Matt won't be back and then offers her a ride. Julie looks like it's Ted Bundy offering the ride ["Which...it kind of is. I love Tyra, but I was totally afraid for Julie's well-being at this point." -- Joe R] and says that she'll just call her mom. Tyra walks toward her truck, and we cut to a shot of Julie looking tiny underneath a big, lonely Applebee's sign. As Tyra gets to the truck, Julie calls out "Wait!" and makes sure Tyra doesn't mind. Tyra says it's no problem, she just has to pick up her sister first. Where? "Work." Pause. "Strip club."
morning. Establishing shots. It's early. Smash is in the locker room folding towels. Coach walks in with coffee, stops by the doorway, and calls in, "Two ways to fold a towel, my way and the wrong way." I file that one under "OCD directives I can torture my future children with." Smash "yes sirs." Taylor then brings a packet of papers in to Smash and tells him it's Friday's game plan. He wants ten copies, tells him that the binders are by the copier. Smash looks left and right, like maybe there's some gum-snapping lady secretary in there he didn't notice before, and then asks "Right now?" Taylor lunges at the kid with his words, "Gee, yes, Smash." He yells at him for being there, he yells at him about the drug tests he's required to take now, he yells at him because HE made a decision that has left both their asses flapping in the breeze. He yells, yells, yells, sort of like he's trying to drown out the voice of reason emanating from inside his baseball cap.
Tim Riggins is in traffic court, asking if he can just pay the fine and get on with life. The judge says he's been dragged in not for the ticket but for failing to appear in court the first time. He says he'll let Tim keep his license only with the consent of his parents. Tim turns around to the chairs behind him to see Billy macking on some random lady and asks the judge if his brother could sign. The judge asks if Billy's his legal guardian, and Tim has to yell Billy's name to get him to look away from his traffic court hook-up. Billy stands and says that he is not Tim's legal guardian, and the judge insists that he needs a parent's or legal guardian's signature. Tim says he'll just get his dad to sign it, and Billy winces in disbelief.
Tyra and Julie are at the Pharmacy, Gift, and Grill. (Truthfully, they're probably at Kohl's, but you can't really tell, and the shop does have that mid-century Woolworth's feel, so I'm going with the PG&G). Julie tells Tyra that last night was the first night she'd ever set foot in a strip club. Tyra snarks, "You don't say?" Julie wonders if Ole Sis ever gets freaked out by all the creepy guys in there. Tyra says she can take care of herself, and then gets a mischievous look on her face as she leans in: "Guess who her biggest customer is?" Pause. "Buddy Garrity!" They erupt in laughter and Julie's truly disgusted "GROSS!" is perfectly delivered. The camera catches Julie looking kind of longingly at Tyra; longing for her experience, her attitude, her toughness. Tyra looks down at Julie and tells her the lipstick color she's tried on looks good on her. Julie says she doesn't have the money to buy it, so Tyra looks to her left, then to her right, and nonchalantly slips the tube into her purse and heads out the door. Julie looks stunned, hops off the chair by the make-up counter and scurries after Tyra. Once outside we overhear Julie urgent whispering "What are you doing?!"
At the Playgirl Ranch, Tim rushes around packing a bag up while Billy tells his little brother to just let him forge the traffic court signature. Tim says he doesn't want to risk his license, but Billy knows what's up: "What is this, some sort of work things out with Dad thing?" Tim pays no mind to his brother, who tries one last ditch effort to keep his brother from going down the lonely deadbeat daddy road. He grabs a postcard from the fridge and reminds Tim that they haven't seen their father for two years and don't know if he even lives "there" anymore. Tim yoinks the card from Billy, stuffs it in his bag, and tells him everything will be all right. Realizing his little brother is on his way, Billy stands between him and the front door and tells him to not trust anything their father says "cuz he is a liar. And do not get drunk with him, cuz he's a mean son of a bitch when he's drunk." Tim looks at his brother intently and tells him he's only getting a signature. Billy moves aside to let him through, all the while clucking like a mother hen. He hands Tim a wad of cash and tells him, "under no circumstances" should he give that money "to him."
Morning at the Taylors', Julie and Tami are in a war of escalating high-pitched warbles. They rush around trying to get out the door to the car. Tami says that "under no circumstances" is her daughter going to a concert on a weeknight. Julie begs, saying "it's the Old 97s and they're awesome!" Well, they're pretty good, but what you aren't saying, little girl, is that "it's the Old 97s, and Rhett Miller makes me feel girlishly tingly!" Tami tells Julie that if they are so awesome they ought to get a weekend gig. Julie promises she'll get her homework done ahead of time, and she'll stay in on Saturday, and they can have a family night and, and, and. Until Tami interrupts her and tells her to stop groveling. "It's not becoming." As they head out the door, Tami takes a deep breath and finally agrees to let her daughter go, only if she comes home by 11:00 PM sharp. Which, in my geriatric old age, sounds like my kind of concert to attend. And also the kind of concert the geriatric Old 97s would put on.
Instrumental music. Tim drives quietly down lonely Texas highways. Cut to a matchbox two-story apartment building right off some cut-rate highway where Tim is talking to a lady who's definitely been put away wet a few times. She drags on a cigarette and chuckles through her tumorous lungs that she "threw him out six months ago, honey." She tells Tim that his father used to hustle golf at Jackson Crest, "some piece o' crap muni out in the boonies." Muni? I have totally missed the boat on low-rent golf course slang. Perhaps I am spending too little time in matchbox apartments right off cut-rate highways. ["Just to save you the emails: Municipal golf course, I'd wager." -- Joe R] Tim walks away, and she calls after him -- getting real Broward County for a moment -- that if Tim finds his dad, "I want you to tell him that I want my Conway Twitty back. They don't got that at Target no more." Okay. I'm no Faulkner, so I can't figure out how to render that dialogue in print so that it evokes all the ignorance and disgust and more ignorance that she gives it, but maybe if you imagine Joy from My Name is Earl covered in Velveeta, stuffed inside a Lil' Smokie, and then rolled up in dough-from-a-can, you'll get the picture.
A pretty raggedy-ass golf course on a misty afternoon. Tim walks up and overhears his dad good-naturedly taking some money from some dumbasses as they wrap up a game. His dad saunters toward him and is laconically surprised to see his son there looking for him. They hug, and we cut over to a diner where Daddy "Caddyshack" Riggins ("Daddyshack"?) signs Tim's paper and acknowledges he's in no position to give fatherly advice. These two "catch up" by sitting stiffly and talking about how "real good" they're doing these days. Daddyshack says that he's on the wagon for the past six weeks, by way of explaining why he isn't buying his seventeen-year-old son a beer. Long, awkward pause. At the exact moment Tim moves to leave, Daddyshack asks if he can hang out for a while. This is exactly what the Bad Advice Doctor ordered! Daddyshack reminds Tim that he's got $200 from those suckers he swindled at the golf course, and offers to buy his son dinner.
Jason and Lyla sit in his jeep -- which has a "For Sale" sign on it -- Jason apologizing for his spectacularly disastrous "engagement announcement." Lyla shoulders some of the blame herself, telling Jason that she shouldn't have been hiding it from her parents in the first place. Pause. Lyla takes a deep breath before continuing to employ lame feminine stereotypes to steer her in the right direction (c.f., cheerleading competitions). She tells Jason that she knows he'll think this is "a total girl thing," but that she's always had a vision of what her wedding would be like. That she'd be 25, a big reception, dancing, toasts. And then Jason continues to employ his recent physical trauma to come up with sad sack complaints: "And you don't think you can do that with me any more." Lyla whines that that is not the issue before explaining that she hasn't even applied to college, that he hasn't said whether he plans to go. Jason looks at her, "You think I'm not going to college now?" She tells him, honestly, that she doesn't know because they haven't discussed it since the accident, and all he talks about these days is Herc and quad rugby.
Jason tells her that he's lost his legs, not his brain. Finally, someone said it! What we've all been yelling at our televisions ever since Jason Street singlehandedly reintroduced the word "cripple" into our lexicon: cripples go to college, too! He continues, kind of meanly telling Lyla about what they'll have: a big house, picket fence, puppies, "that whole thing you dreamed about." Lyla interrupts him and demands that he acknowledge that "I have a life, too." Jason unconvincingly says that he knows that. Though, to be fair, we have not been led to believe that Lyla Garrity ever asserted this whole "I have a life, too" thing before Jason's accident, so he is perhaps not used to dealing with someone not surgically attached to his lucky star. Lyla says she doesn't think Jason thinks about her life, and that he even thinks it's "lame" that she has these concerns. That "lame" kills me; so exactly how people almost always have to resort to imperfect and inarticulate language when trying to discuss major issues like "life." Lyla finally says that she thinks they're a too young and they are rushing into this, she doesn't want to make a mistake. The word mistake echoes in the quiet car until Jason snarks, "Message received, Lyla, loud and clear." More silence. Then Jason, quietly, "Can you please get my chair for me?" and Lyla sweetly obliges, hopping out of the door with his backboard in tow. Brutal.
Football field. Smash is getting beat up on the field. Buddy approaches Coach and mutters that maybe Coach is doing a little more than teaching Smash a lesson, and that Coach needs to watch out or Smash will be playing hurt on Friday. Coach, tightly, "Who says he's playing Friday?" Buddy changes the subject, talking about how fun tomorrow night will be. Coach snaps that he's trying to win a playoff game and doesn't have time to talk about a damn TV show. Buddy exposits that it's tradition, and all Coach has to do is smile and talk about football for half an hour. Oh, and also, that Coach will "get a nice little appearance fee" for doing so. Maybe Julie won't need to shoplift lipstick if Daddy brings home a little more cash.
School library. Matt is in mid-apology to Julie, saying he knows she really wanted to go to the concert. She reminds him that he invited her, and then says that it isn't any big deal, especially since she "pretty much sold my soul to my mother for permission." Matt explains that her Dad asked him and "I've never been on TV before!" Julie wants to know if, excluding her father's influence (I love what a spitfire she is trying to make Matt ignore her father's directives), if, excluding the Coach's request, Matt is excited. He says he is, and she says that he should go, then. With one qualification: "You have to remember that I am the coolest, most understanding girl in the world." Matt asks if she's mad, and she says she isn't, so he asks her for one more favor: if she can look after his grandmother for the night. Close up of Aimee Teagarden doing a fantastic deadpan. She says okay, and Matt says, "See, you are the coolest, most understanding girlfriend in the world." Julie, happily: "Girlfriend?!" Drunken Bee: "Insulin. Need insulin."
Bowling alley. Daddyshack makes a big to-do about knocking some pins over. Tim is only mildly impressed. Daddyshack calls over a waitress, "Anna Banana," and then introduces her to Tim before running off for a second. She shakes Tim's hand and looks at him wonderingly. She tells Tim that his father talks about him all the time. He apparently gives the whole rundown of each week's football game. Tim's little shriveled and abused heart attempts to pick itself up off the dirty orphan floor in order to do some pitter-pattering. Daddyshack comes back and unveils a new bowling ball, and he and Anna Banana tease back and forth about his new ball. Tim asks his dad whether it wouldn't be a good idea for him to stay at his place that night. Daddyshack hesitates, but then says that sounds great. Tim seriously then turns around and throws straight down the lane for a strike! Ten points for the boy about to get his heart broken again!
TV show! We open just behind the cameraman aiming his lens at Coach and Matt, who appear to be nattering back and forth with one another over how to use the remote control for the television on the set with them. Matt tries to offer his help, but Coach snaps a real testy "Stop!" at him. Meanwhile, Buddy has sidled up to the producer or director and says that he'll need to renegotiate Eric's appearance fee, probably because while he has fulfilled the "appearing" portion of the contract, he seems to be in violation of the "appear and say at least one sentence related to football" portion. The set is hilarious, a big rectangular sign made of yellow cardboard and printed with the title "The Eric Taylor Show" hangs from wires, below which sits the television which Coach and Matt flank uncomfortably. Coach calls out to the producer that there's something wrong "with the clicker." He comes out and suggests that they not do the game film right now, but rather start the interview.
Producer tells Coach to relax and just have a conversation. Eric is wound tighter than the skin behind Joan Rivers's ears and he snaps at the poor guy, "That's great. What would you like us to have a conversation about?" Um, how about, football? The producer turns his attention to Matt and tells the poor kid to ask Coach Taylor some questions, then backs away and give him the "Aaaand, action" go ahead. So Matt turns to Coach and says, "I guess the question everyone is wondering about is whether Smash is gonna play." Kyle Chandler burns fire with his eyes -- I just love this reaction shot -- before asking the poor boy, "What the hell kind of question is that? Don't be goofy, ask a normal question." Meanwhile, we've cut away to the producer who flinches in joy at Matt's gaffe, and Buddy, who has turned away from the set to guffaw privately. I like these little goofy set pieces even if they are a little Super Bowl commercial-y. Men! Watch them act endearing and goofy!
Cut to Grandma, rocking in her rocking chair. Julie is in the kitchen making her a sandwich. There's a knock at the door, and Julie nervously tells Grandma that she's invited a friend over. Grandma looks a bit nervous but says she guesses that'll be okay. Cut immediately to full-on Girl's Night! Tyra is painting Grandma's toenails with black nail polish, we hear Grandma say "All right, that's the end of it," and then get a shot of a bottle of white wine getting drained into Grandma's glass. So sweet! I could give a shit about drug interference; when I'm senile this is what I want going on every night of the week. Grandma sounds kind of drunk: "It's all the other. It's all the other we got." There's girl-y music and Julie is wandering around in the background with some very strange magazine called Texas Chic complaining about all the reasons she never wanted to date a football player.
Tyra tells Julie that Matt is not a football player and then quickly says, "No offense, Lorraine." Love it. For the record, Grandma is sans glasses and looking pretty spry. Tyra starts giving Julie some lessons in relationship poker, telling her to see Matt's thick-necked galoot and raise him a slightly slutty. "You go to let him know you have options." Grandma nods in totally cute agreement. Julie is like Topher Grace learning how to play poker in Ocean's Eleven ("Aallll reds...") when she tells Tyra that she does have options: she's joining the school paper. Tyra rolls her eyes and says, "No, like the basketball team options." Julie protests that she doesn't even know anyone on the basketball team. And the women of the United States call out in unison, "Stay away from Chad Michael Murray or you'll be engaged within a year!" Tyra reminds Julie that the rally girls are fawning all over Matt until at least spring, "You need to elevate your game." Grandma looks like "Huh, good point" while Julie just looks worried.
Buddy nips at Coach's heels, asking him to intervene in the Jason/Lyla situation. Buddy says, "The bottom line is, Jason is a quadrapelegic now -- I know it's not PC to say that -- but I have to think about my daughter." It is a fun game to continue changing what is and what isn't correct usage just in order to confuse folks like Buddy about what they can and can't say. I mean, they'll say whatever they want, but at least they'll feel guilty occasionally (though probably always at the wrong time). Coach rubs his face and then tells Buddy to let Jason and Lyla work it out, appending the very good advice that if Buddy pressures them it'll bite him in the ass. Buddy begs him to talk to Jason, though, and Coach agrees, walking off and muttering that he wishes someone would talk to the Streets so he wouldn't be getting sued any longer. Buddy, unconvincingly, "Yeah...wish I could talk to them for you." Just as Coach is walking out the door Buddy calls to him, "Hey. Great job out there tonight," just barely suppressing those guffaws. Coach looks him dead in the eye and says thanks, but I believe if you look closely, you can see Kyle Chandler's hair flipping him the bird.
The Williams house. Corrine wants to know where Smash has been all night as it's almost time for Leno. He's been running for hours. His mom is clearly worried, and she tells him he needs to slow down. Smash is losing it, near tears, as he tells her that he can't slow down, even though he's exhausted. She tells him he needs to give his body time to get off the juice, but Smash blows up saying that "over there" "it's like blood in the water." Everyone is circling him trying to take a bite. He runs up to his room with his mom ineffectually calling after him.
Guitars of Little Orphan Timmy as we fade in on Timmy and Daddyshack sitting in a backyard in two old recliners set around a little campfire. They're under a big tree strung with colored Christmas lights, and the backyard is fenced in with aluminum fencing. The whole setting is very Austin, even though I suppose they're supposed to be in Corpus Christi. They're talking about a day a long time ago when Daddyshack took Tim and Jason water skiing. Daddyshack says that Jason is good people, and he's sorry about what happened to him. As for Tim, well, we don't know what the hell his relationship with Jason is any more. Daddyshack asks Tim about Billy, and Tim tells his father that Billy says "hi." Daddyshack: "Did he really?" Tim: "No. Not at all, really." They laugh. Daddyshack, reaching into his back pocket, says he doesn't blame Billy for hating him. He tosses some chaw in his mouth -- retch -- and continues on, saying Billy saw some things that he's not proud of. Tim bursts Daddyshack's false confession bubble by reminding the no-good louse, "Dad, I was ten, I wasn't blind." Changing the subject, Daddyshack asks Tim if he called his coach about missing practice, which Tim did, to the displeasure of one Eric "Crankypants" Taylor. But Tim says it's worth it, and then the boys start talking Parcells, the Cowboys, and the Saints and we fade out.
Raggedy-ass golf course, under grey skies again. Tim and Daddyshack are teeing off with one another, which will certainly end up in them getting teed off at one another. Tim says they should up the ante -- because Daddyshack is making a big deal about giving his son six extra strokes. The bet is, if Tim wins, Daddyshack will come to Dillon for the game of Friday. If Daddyshack wins, Tim won't tell Velveeta lady where he's living. They start the game, with Tim slicing his ball pretty badly. His dad, always gracious: "Long and wrong. Did you hit a car?" And then when Tim goes to start over, he gives Little Orphan Timmy a hard time AND manages to insult women golfers and hot dog purveyors everywhere as he tells him "This ain't the LPGA, ya weenie, there ain't no mulligans."
Football field. Smash is getting beat up some more on the field. In fact, he's doing things correctly, hitting the right breaks, doing the plays that are called, but still Coach calls him over and yells at him for not looking like he's playing to win. Smash, under his breath, says "I was just doing what I was told," which sets Coach off big time, and he sends Smash to the end zone to do 20 suicides. Geeeezzz, man.
Tami is also feeling the effects of Coach "Harshin' My Buzz" Taylor, as we cut to the Taylors bringing some groceries in the house, Tami telling her husband that he is "tied up in knots right now. You're wound up like a drum." Tami ventures that his attitude is what has Smash off kilter right now: "Style filters down, babe." Coach swings around to face his wife, and for once he and his hair speak with one voice: "Style filters down?" Tami suggests that Smash is a boy, he made a mistake, and he is trying desperately to get back in Coach's good graces. Tami thinks that Coach is being so hard on Smash that the kid is losing his confidence and passion. She tells him to talk to Smash and "turn that around." Both Coach and his hair are speechless for once.
Back at the Golfing for Love and Affection tournament, Tim is apparently doing pretty well and enjoying trash talking his daddy. They get in the cart and Tim asks Daddyshack if he's feeling the pressure; Daddyshack says "not really...I've seen you putt." Altogether it seems like nice, affectionate father/son ribbing. Key word there being "seems."
The fields to the apartment complex the Williamses live in. A group of boys and girls play touch football. Coach gets out of his car and approaches Smash, who's sitting outside, studying a playbook and watching the kids. One little kid plays with a louder mouth and more style than the rest. Coach recalls that they had a kid like that in his neighborhood growing up. Smash turns to him and says, "I was that kid." Coach opens the conversation by trying to explain why he's being so hard on Smash. Smash interrupts him to say he knows its because he let Coach down, but that he doesn't need Coach to like him. "I'm gonna do what I need to do on my own." Coach turns to the kid and corrects him, telling him if he "wants to fly solo, you go run track." He tells Smash that sometimes "we" take all this so seriously we forget why we love to play so much. He pauses: "I'm guilty of that."
The kids run up to Coach and Smash, the little loudmouth in the front. He asks, "You really Coach Taylor?" and Kyle Chandler responds with incredibly endearing cranky charisma: "I am." The little kid informs Coach to keep an eye out for him on the first day of practice, 2014. "Remember the name, Coach. Miles Shepherd." Coach responds seriously, telling him that he will remember the name, telling the boy to call him when he gets out of peewee. The little spitfire moves on to Smash, asking him if he'll come out and play, "I need a challenge, dog." Coach asks the kids, "Y'all want to play some football?" and MY HEART IS OFFICIALLY WARMED. The group runs out into the field of freaking dreams and breaks into little teams. Coach tosses the ball and swings kids around. This is a man who knows when to work and when to play and when to be tough and when to go easy. If the man has any flaws, he must be hiding them in his hair.
Speaking of knowing how to play, Tim and Daddyshack wind up their game of "Make a Hole-in-One and Win a Father for a Day." Daddyshack sinks his putt and starts prancing around, all "Yes!" and "Suck it, Orphan Boy!" What a jerk. Tim is really down in the mouth, so Daddyshack asks him what his problem is, "You thought I was gonna let you win?" Tim, plaintively, tells his father that if he didn't want to come to the game he could have just said so, that it would have been a lot easier. Daddyshack responds by telling Tim, basically, that "it's not you, it's me," saying that Tim can come to visit him anytime, but he just can't go to Dillon. Tim isn't pacified, saying that Billy was right in telling him not to come. Daddyshack starts yelling at him about how he won fair and square. Tim walks away and yells back, "Congratulations! Is that what you need right now?" Daddyshack keeps yelling, Tim keeps walking.
Shot of Tim driving home, and then to him walking through the door to the Playgirl Ranch. He tosses the signed paper in front of Billy and grabs a beer from the fridge. Billy gets up and says that he can't believe that Timmy spent the night, but before we have to get all up in another sad sack scene, we get a little bit of high school idiocracy. Which, in the course of getting rid of the sad emo just goes ahead and -- you know it -- brings the sexy back. JT, who plays in the soundtrack of my dreams every night -- has decided to make an appearance on the soundtrack of my show, and I am quite satisfied by his decision.
So the sexy is being brought back when a car pulls up, honking, in front of the Playgirl Ranch, and a rally girl busts through the door to grab Tim. Tim looks lascivious as he drifts out the door with her, telling his brother that he'll take mental notes. I think this might be the one subject Billy Riggins doesn't need the Cliff's Notes for. Montage of other boys getting roused out of bed by rally girls, including, one confused and boxer-shorted Matt Saracen, whose Grandmother assures him that the girls are doing this for the fundraiser. Okay, Grandma!
Cut to Hot Tub Party Town where the sexy continues to be broughten. Rally Girls -- who are all, sorry, kind of ugly -- are clad in football jerseys. Two of them look at pictures on a laptop and remark about how "that's definitely Mr. October." So they're taking pictures for a calendar. Do they always do hot tub shots, I wonder? In fact, I probably have wondered far too much and too often about this fictional fundraising calendar featuring the bodies of high school boys.
Lots of wooing! WOOOO! WOOOO! SEXY BACK! SEXY IS BEING BROUGHT! WOOOO! I love parties. Lots of drunken careening and horseplay. WOOOOO! Matt follows Tim around, saying he doesn't know if he can do this. Tim doesn't know if he can be bothered to give a shit. Matt is worried about Julie finding out about these shenanigans. True, the girl who loves Cocteau is probably not going to go so much for her boyfriend being Cocteased by some Rally Girls on film. Tim tells Matt it's no big deal, that it's just a few pictures for charity. Smash enters with much fanfare and handshakes, and then a rally girl comes and drags Matt away, telling him he'll be her Mr. November. Matt gets dragged to the hot tub where his shirt gets peeled off, he slips all over the place before getting handed a drink and lowered into a group of sassy, horny women. Which, frankly, I really can't complain about. The girls rub up on Matt and he smiles and laughs. And all of it gets caught on camera.
Morning. The Taylors are in their bedroom, Tami making up the bed, Coach in her way getting dressed in a suit. Tami exclaims over how infuriating the whole law suit is until Coach tells her that she's just making it worse. She offers to come with him to support him, but he says there's no need. He tells her that there will be times when he needs her in the courtroom with him, but today -- just a hearing -- is not one of them. He thanks her for offering, and they lean in for a kiss. Followed by a "no, I really mean it, I really love you" kiss, and then Coach looking at his wife and sighing, "I know."
Courtroom. Coach and Jason see one another across the hallway. Coach walks over and greets his protégé. Jason reminds Coach that they aren't supposed to talk, and Coach is like, puh-lease, I'm not hear to talk about the case. "I heard about you and Lyla." Lord, does this man have a lot on his plate. How many people's lives must he touch? Coach tells Jason that marriage is not a fix, that it's a huge decision and that Jason had better just make sure he's sure. Jason: "I'm sure. I am sure," and then explains that maybe Lyla isn't so sure. Coach pauses and then tells Jason that nobody is telling him that they shouldn't get married. He tells him to just take some time to figure it all out and then jokes "If you make your future father-in-law happy, who knows, you might be able to squeeze a big party out of him." Jason laughs and says he isn't sure about that and then tells Coach about how angry Buddy was when Jason announced the engagement. Coach is tickled by this information and gets a big grin on his face, "Was he?" Jason obliges, "You shoulda seen that big old head a his, it was all red..." and the two share a nice moment until DUN DUN DUN, Jason's asshole parents approach them from behind. Coach walks off. Jason follows and apologizes that they are making him do this on a game day. "It wasn't my choice." Coach smiles gratefully and then walks off.
School hallway. Matt finds Julie at her locker and wonders why she wasn't in math. He asks if she finished her book the night before. She says she did, and then ingenuously asks what he did the night before. Context clues, Matthew! Context clues! She clearly knows what's up. Just come clean!
Matt cannot hear my hysterical ravings, seeing as how he is a fictional character trapped inside my computer screen right now. So, instead of heeding my advice, he lies. He says he didn't do much, just went to work, then went home. Julie's mouth trembles as she blurts "I saw the calendar!" Matt stutters and stumbles, and Julie tells him that a bunch of the Rally Girls were passing the calendar around. Then Matt stutters and stumbles some more, insisting that he was kidnapped that nothing happened, nothing happened at all. She wonders why he lied if nothing happened. He mutters something about his head being all foggy, he doesn't know why. Aw, sweetheart. Welcome to adulthood. They're called hangovers. They will be your constant companion for probably another decade. More if you go into some eviscerating profession like the law or, uh, business. Matt apologizes, and Julie screws up her little face and slams her locker, "Well I'm sorry, too!" I think I probably did the same exact thing at some point in high school, and I am SURE that it was as rehearsed as Aimee Teagarden's performance is in this scene. Don't get me wrong, I think her awkwardness plays perfectly to character, but I'm not totally sure it's on purpose.
Julie takes sharp breaths and says she's sorry that she trusted him, yelling that she doesn't appreciate getting lied to. She tells him to go off with his rally girls and football friends and leave her alone. She walks off toward the camera and the poor girl is fighting back sobs while Matt hangdoggedly watches her walk away.
Cut to Smash running into Coach's office. He apologizes that he was across campus when Coach called him. Coach is in there with his assistants, and he just curtly tells Smash that he's starting that night at tailback. Smash looks at him, shocked, until Coach asks "What the hell, you want a hug or something? Get outta here!" Smash wheels out of the room and pauses outside for a moment before bringing his hands together in joy and thankfulness.
Game time! Smash leads the team in a prayer. A pretty long prayer, actually, while Chris Brokaw's "I Remember" plays in the background, building nicely and straining even my powers of connection when it comes to the little game of Where's Texas? the music supervisor likes to play with this show. (In this case, Brokaw used to be in Codeine [New York] which kind of birthed one of my favorite bands, Bedhead [Texas], which evolved into The New Year, which Brokaw was the drummer for, oh, wait, were you here for the football not the indie rock?)
So Smash leads the prayer and then leads the team in the always rousing "Clear Eyes!" routine, and the boys are psyched up. Outside, Billy is able to grab Tim before he makes it to the field to tell him that Daddyshack came to the game. He's on the other side of the fence -- no ticket maybe? -- and Tim sort of glowers at him as Brokaw croons "Incredible love! Incredible love!" Cut to a gorgeous, blurry shot of the boys busting through their banner and freeze on them, their bodies pumped up and ready to play. 'Til time, folks!