The episode begins in the cafeteria. Daniel is wearing a black T-shirt with a long-sleeved white shirt underneath, and a blue longshoreman's cap. Incidentally, the white sleeves of Daniel's shirt are filthy. Nick is wearing a dark brown velour top. I know that men don't like to have their shirts referred to as "tops," but this garment is definitely a pull-it-on-over-your-head, ribbed cuff and waist band, top. Nick is at the head of the line and he is wondering how Salisbury steak is different from regular steak. The lunch lady, who is wearing a hairnet, glasses and a white uniform, suggests that Salisbury steak has Salisbury sauce on it, with a healthy dose of irony. I wasn't exactly sure what Salisbury steak was, so I looked it up. However, since it wasn't in the Oxford dictionary I guessed that it was an American dish and checked out the Webster's dictionary that I have at work. Anyway, Salisbury steak is named after a nineteenth century English physician named J.H. Salisbury, and a Salisbury steak is "ground beef mixed with egg, milk, bread crumbs, and seasonings and formed into a large patty and cooked." My school cafeteria served hamburgers, hotdogs, and chips, plus a bunch of packaged junk food. I think most people went home for lunch, out to a local restaurant, or brought something from home. When I did venture into the cafeteria line-up, I always heard one of the lunch ladies call to the other, "more hamburgs, Emma!" It sort became a battle cry at my school. So, now that I know what Salisbury steak is, I guess I'm glad that my school cafeteria fare was boring and junky. The lunch lady just wants Nick to pick something but he says, "I always noticed that the day after we have Salisbury steak we always have hamburgers, but then the day after that, we always have meatball heroes, and the day after that, we have meatloaf. So is it the same meat? Are you guys recycling the meat?" The lunch lady humourlessly assured him that it is different meat. Nick finally chooses the Salisbury steak. Daniel then requests the "Salisbury dog meat."
Nick runs into Lindsay when walking to a table with his tray. She asks where he's been because she was waiting for him. He apparently told her earlier that he would take her to Denny's. Nick doesn't quite recall if but he apologizes and asks if she still wants to go. Lindsay points out that he's already eating. Nick doesn't care because he's "kinda hungry." Lindsay notes that he's "kinda stoned." Nick replies he's "very stoned" and laughs. He explains that since report cards are coming out in a few weeks, he's trying to have fun before "the lid comes down." Lindsay disgustedly says, "Forget it," and splits. Daniel sits down at the table and Nick asks him, "What's wrong with Lindsay?" Daniel says, "I don't know man, she's crazy," as he tucks a paper napkin into the neck of shirt. Yeah, you wouldn't want to spill any Salisbury sauce on your filthy clothes, Daniel. Nick spies a guy with Keri Russell's old hair -- blonde, super curly, parted in the centre, but only chin length -- and runs over to him. There was a guy who looked just like that in my school, but his hair was brown. In fact, he was one of the hair-don'ts in last fall's contest. This dude, Mark, is apparently Nick's connection and he claims to be out of stock but he promises to fix Nick up soon. Nick doesn't think that the whole town can be "totally dry" and says that he heard that Mark grows his own. Mark denies this and says that his dad found his lights and ran over them with his car. Nick pouts, "He better have," and he walks away. A frustrated Mark repeats his mantra, "The customer is king." Millie hears him and looks at him. Mark snarls, "What?" Millie says, "You know what." Mark rolls his eyes.
The Weirs are sitting in their living room eating ice cream. Mom, Dad, and Lindsay are seated on the sectional sofa, and Sam is sitting right by the television, changing the channels according to Dad's commands. He finally hits on Charlie's Angels and Dad tells him to stop. Mom mentions to Lindsay that the Johnsons want her to baby-sit on Thursday. Lindsay asks how much they are paying and Mom tells her it is $1.50 per hour. That's not bad, I remember charging $2 an hour on New Year's Eve 1979, because I was in heavy demand and I knew that the market would bear it. Soon after, I quit being an entrepreneur and embarked on my long career of working for The Man, and have never had such control over my income since then. Lindsay doesn't think that $1.50 is very much and says so. Dad rants, "Yes Lindsay, they should pay you a king's ransom to lay around drinking pop and watching TV on their couch." Lindsay thinks that keeping the kids safe and sound should be worth more. Dad calls a halt to the discussion so he can hear the show. Kate Jackson is being menaced by a crazy car driver in a parking lot. Dad asks Sam who his favourite angel is and Sam laughingly says, "I like Bosley." Dad barks, "Bosley?!?" in his SCTV Guy Caballero voice, then says, "Nobody watches this show for Bosley." Dad is right, nobody likes Bosley. Dad suggests that Kate Jackson is a bit of all right but Sam is unimpressed. Lindsay says it is because Sam loves Cindy Sanders. Sam informs them that he is over Cindy because she likes Todd Schellinger. Mom chimes in that it's Cindy's loss. Aw, Mom, that was nice of you to say that, and it's totally true too. Dad wants to know who Sam likes because he thinks "there comes a time in a young man's life when he should begin testing the water." Lindsay wants to know why she shouldn't be testing the waters. Dad claims that there'll be plenty of time for that when she's married. Lindsay rolls her eyes. I'm not surprised at all by Dad's double standards.
The geeks are walking down the hall at school and Neal tells Sam that the freshmen student government voted Cindy and Todd "cutest couple." Neal advises that it is time for Sam to realize that the "Cindy ship has sailed. It's time to board another vessel." They round a corner and Neal bumps into Maureen and a blonde girl named Vicki Appleby, the head of the cheerleading squad, whose Mead Tri-Fold Binder he has knocked to the floor. Neal picks it up and says that he has "one of those babies" himself. Vickie tells Neal to watch where he is going. Maureen says hi to the guys and asks them about the reading for social studies. Before anyone can answer, Vickie cuts them off and leads Maureen away. Neal declares that Maureen and Vicki are the kind of women they should be pursuing because the Cindy Sanderses of the world "are hors d'oeuvres and Vicki is a five-course meal." Bill, pronouncing the "h," says, "Hors, whats?" and giggles.
Alan, the mean kid, happens along and asks Bill if he wants "some nuts with [his] sundae" and punches him in the crotch. Bill doubles over, clutching his groin, and croaks, "that guy need a new joke." I think that if this is a regular occurrence, Alan needs to examine why he touches other boys' dangly bits so often. But that's just me.
In social studies class, a youngish blonde teacher explains to the geeks, Maureen, Vicki, Alan and other students that they'll be studying the civil rights movement in the coming weeks. She asks if anyone knows the name of the woman who sparked the movement by refusing to give up her seat on a public bus. Bill, who has been appreciatively eyeing Miss Foote, the teacher, answers that it was Rosa Parks. Miss Foote is suitably impressed. I'm not sure why, because Rosa Parks moved to Detroit in 1957, and she still lives there. I know there's a Rosa Parks Boulevard in the Detroit area because I've seen exit signs for it as we've hurtled through Detroit on our way to sunnier states. Miss Foote then sneezes three times and Bill blesses her. I wonder if he'll switch to "you're so good-looking" in fifteen or sixteen years. Miss Foote explains that her allergies are acting up. Bill sympathizes that his allergies are bothering him too and he offers to close the window. The teacher asks him what he is allergic to and Bill says, "Bees and air and cats and dogs. Well, not all dogs, some dogs. If I eat a peanut, I could die." He mentions that he ate one at summer camp and he had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Alan helpfully suggests, "So don't eat them, dork." Bill reiterates that he doesn't because he could die. Miss Foote is intrigued but thinks that Bill's peanut allergy is unusual. Bill explains that everyone has some kind of ailment and he cites Neal's psoriasis and "lizard skin" and Sam's aversion to the sight of blood. The class laughs and Sam and Neal shoot daggers at Bill.
In the hallway after class, Sam and Neal attack Bill for exposing their frailties to everyone. Sam says, "How are we going to get in with Maureen and her friends if you tell them about my fainting, your stupid allergies, and Neal's lizard skin?" Neal takes offense and informs them that ten percent of the population will suffer from psoriasis at some point in time. Neal accuses Bill of flirting with Miss Foote. Bill denies flirting. Neal claims that Bill has ruined his chances with Vickie. Bill says that Neal doesn't have a chance with Vickie and that he, Bill, has a better chance with Miss Foote even though he doesn't have a chance at all. Sam stops their bickering and says, "Fine, Bill, be a geek your whole life, I'm sick of it." With that, Sam and Neal walk away.
Lindsay, Daniel and Ken are sitting at a cafeteria table when Nick, wearing another lighter brown velour top, joins them and asks if any of them have any pot. Ken responds that "the cupboard is bare, man." Nick admits that he is running out and has been rationing himself. He wonders what he is going to do and Daniel suggests, "Uh, not be stoned?" Nick becomes agitated and accuses Daniel of holding out on him and he warns him not to be "a cheap bastard." Daniel angrily accuses Nick of never having "passed a joint" in his life. Nick says it would be very uncool if they were holding out on him and he leaves the table in a huff. Daniel declares that Nick is "turning into a waste basket." At Daniel's locker, Ken discovers that Daniel was indeed holding out on Nick. Daniel has decided to get rid of is stash because he needs to "Stay sharp if [he] wants to, y'know, uh --" Ken interjects, "Stay sharp?" Daniel is planning to throw it away and Ken suggests that Daniel donate to a "worthy cause" which is, of course, himself. Daniel want to save Ken too, and they start arguing, while Ken tries to grab the bag away from Daniel. Mr. "Call Me Jeff" Rosso appears and grabs the baggie, and orders them to his office. Oh man, Daniel, your ass is grass. So to speak.
Nick and Lindsay are walking through the halls and Lindsay notes that Nick is looking good after five days without pot. Nick says that he's ready to smoke his mother's ferns. Lindsay suggests they do something fun at lunch.
Back in Miss Foote's class, she's lecturing about George Washington Carver's many achievements, especially his work with the peanut "and for being Bill's mortal enemy," which makes the class break up. Bill ignores the comment and Miss Foote asks if he got the joke. Bill deadpans, "Yeah, that's a good one." The bell rings and everyone leaves. Bill stays behind and asks her not to discuss his allergies because it makes him look like a geek. She tells him that he's not a geek and he asks her to tell the rest of the world. Ah yes, George Washington Carver and his brave "I have a peanut..." speech.
Bill joins Neal and Sam at Sam's locker and asks if they want to go to a sci-fi convention on the weekend. Neal tells him that he and Sam are going to a cheerleading competition on the weekend to watch Maureen and Vicki compete. Sam pipes up, "Yeah, Maureen invited us." Sam and Neal blow off Bill and suggest that he ask Gordon because Gordon likes sci-fi. Gordon exclaims that he doesn't like sci-fi, he "loves, loves, loves it." Gordon wonders which mother they should get to drive them, then he decides that his mother should because she puts his make-up on in the parking lot. Bill mutters, "Great," but is clearly not enthused.
Nick (this time in a blue velour top) and Lindsay are outside shooting hoops to the sound of Boston's "Smokin'" until Mark shows up to do a little bidness with Nick. Mark warns him that the pot is strong because it is hydroponic. Lindsay says, "Like the lettuce?" and Mark replies, "Yeah, like the lettuce." Lindsay wants to resume playing but Nick is intent on going back to his house to "spark up a doobie." Okay, he doesn't use those words, but I'm trying to remember what kids did say back then. Lindsay doesn't want to go, but Nick talks her into it. One of his arguments is that dope is natural because it is from the earth. Lindsay counters with, "Dog crap is natural but we don't smoke that." Tee hee, Lindsay!
In Nick's basement, Nick has piked out (more '80s drug slang) on the sectional sofa with a pile of chips on his chest. Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" is playing in the background, while Lindsay sits morosely beside Nick. Lindsay didn't get anything out of her introduction to dope, though Nick is riding a totally mellow wave. Lindsay is complaining and Nick is trying not to let her bring him down, so he suggests they go get some Drakes Cakes. Lindsay says no and asks him why he smokes pot because he's "an amazing guy" when he isn't stoned. Nick is totally bummed and asks her not to start in on him because he's been waiting "for this moment all week." Nick gets angry because Lindsay is judging him without ever having been high herself. He calls her a drag and to prove that he's not addicted, he gives her the rest of his stash, and stomps up the stairs.
Bill is sitting at the geeks' table in the cafeteria, eating his sandwich while Alan and another guy watch him and mock him. Bill gets up to go talk to Gordon to tell him that he can't go to the sci-fi convention. Gordon proclaims that's "a bummer" because George Takei is supposed to be there and Gordon was going to lend Bill his Yoda mask. While Bill's sandwich is unattended, Alan plants some peanuts in it. Sam and Neal arrive with their trays and sit down with Bill. Bill starts to eat his sandwich while Alan and the other guy look on. Bill complains that his sandwich is crunchy, "like, peanut crunchy." Neal asks if he should get Miss Foote so they can discuss it. Bill asks if they put anything in his sandwich. Alan yells, "Hey Haverchuk, what happens , should we call an ambulance?" In the moment, you can tell from Alan's expression that calling paramedics is indeed in order.
thing you know, Bill, with an oxygen mask on, is being whisked down the hall on a stretcher, with Miss Foote on one side and Mr. Kowchevski on the other. Miss Foote assures him that everything is going to be okay. Bill looks like he is barely clinging to consciousness.
Sam, Neal, and Mom Weir rush down the hospital corridor to Bill's mom, Gloria. Gloria looks like a cross between Kathleen Turner and Cher, as Dolly Pelliker, in Silkwood. ["Gloria is played by Claudia Christian of Babylon 5 fame." -- Wing Chun] Neal asks if Bill is still alive. He is, but his mom says "the last time he ate a peanut he was in a coma for two days. The doctor said he almost didn't make it." Sam asks if Bill is going to die. Mrs. Haverchuk tearfully says he won't and Mom Weir says, "Of course not," and goes to hug Gloria. Neal asks Sam not to use the word "die" in the hospital.
In Mr. Rosso's office, Daniel and Ken are introduced to Frank, a former student and current stoner. Frank asks Ken if he is into Floyd because Ken is wearing a Pink Floyd T-shirt. Ken says, "Hell, yeah," and Frank tell them about the time he saw Floyd at the pyramids. Daniel says, "The Egyptian pyramids?" Ken says that he doesn't think that Pink Floyd ever played there and Frank realizes that he meant the Dead. He got confused because he saw both concerts with a guy named Tim. Frank mentions that he saw Floyd at the Laserdome, though it was just their music, not the band. Daniel and Ken exchange WTF glances while Mr. Rosso thanks Frank for lunch. As he leaves, Frank tells Daniel and Ken to "shine on, you crazy diamonds," which is a reference to a Floyd song about Syd Barrett, a founder of the group who ODed. Ironic, huh? Daniel and Ken sit down and Mr. Rosso tells them he wants them to remember Frank because "he's fried out of his mind. He's Mr. Wake N' Bake." Ken says, "So?" Mr. Rosso tells them that Frank is their future if they keep on doing drugs. Daniel says that he was trying to get rid of his stash and Mr. Rosso says, "How dumb do I look?" Ken asks, "Do you really want to know?" Mr. Rosso says he'll give them a break and not expel them if they learn from Frank. The he asks, "Do we understand each other?" Ken deadpans, "As much as that is possible."
In Lindsay's room, she finds Nick's pot while going through her bag. She sniffs it then gets what appears to be Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album to use as a surface on which to roll a joint. She makes many attempts -- some too small, and some too big -- before she rolls one that suits her.
In the hospital, Sam and Neal ponder the possibility of Bill's ghost's haunting them, should he not pull through. They laugh about the thought until they see Mrs. Haverchuk crying, which sobers them up.
In Nick's basement, a restless Nick asks Ken and Daniel what people do when they're not stoned. Well, apparently they listen to Jethro Tull's "Aqualung" which is playing in the background. Personally, I'd have to be anesthetized to be able to listen to that song without dry-heaving. "Snot running down his nose" has to be the most ill-advised rock lyric ever. Daniel's white T-shirt is filthy and Nick is still wearing his blue velour top. They discuss how sweet and straight Lindsay is.
Meanwhile, Lindsay has to bogart her doob' when Dad Weir knocks at her bedroom door. Dad reminds her that she has to baby-sit for the Johnsons. She tries to weasel out of it but Dad won't hear of it. He asks what is wrong with her and she says she has "woman problems." Dad doesn't want to hear about it and tells her to go.
At the hospital, Alan and his dad show up to apologize. Alan wants to see Bill but Mrs. Haverchuk informs him that Bill in unconscious. She gets upset and she and Mom Weir walk away. Alan and his dad sit down.
Lindsay storms into Millie's kitchen to get her to come babysitting. Millie figures out pretty quickly that Lindsay is high, or as Millie puts it, Lindsay "is on the pot." Um, that has a more scatological meaning in other circles, Millie. Millie claims to know what high people look like because she went to a Seals and Croft concert last summer. Millie, everybody there was high because that's the only way they could bear to be there. Millie grudgingly agrees to go "for the safety of the child." Think of the children! Lindsay thanks her and Millie all sanctimoniously says, "No, thank your dealer."
At the hospital, Alan sneaks into Bill's room to apologize. Bill appears to be oblivious to Alan's whiny excuses and rationalizations, which, for him, constitute an apology. Apparently, he's been harbouring resentment for the geeks since fourth grade because they wouldn't let him shoot off rockets with them. He promises to never be mean to Bill again, if Bill doesn't die.
The Johnsons give Lindsay and Millie endless instructions about the care and feeding of their child, Ryan. They caution the girls not to let him put broken balloon pieces into his mouth because he might choke. Lindsay can't take the litany of directions and phone numbers so she goes to the washroom, leaving Millie to listen intently. Their final instruction is, "Please don't let him ride the dog." Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all lived by those rules? Lindsay freaks out in the bathroom.
Maureen and Vicki rush to Sam and Neal at the hospital. When they hear that Bill is in critical condition, they hug Sam and Neal. Sam shoots Neal a little grin over Maureen's shoulder.
Gloria (Bill's mom) tells Mom Weir that she feels guilty for what happened to Bill. Mom Weir tells her not to but Gloria admits to doing a lot of drugs and drinking when she was pregnant. Mom Weir seems shocked, but then recovers and tells her about dropping Sam on a brick patio when he was four months old, resulting in a hairline skull fracture. They both laugh and Gloria appreciates Mom Weir's candor.
Lindsay continues to freak out in the bedroom. She looks up "marijuana" in an encyclopedia and gets more and more strung out the more she reads. When Ryan comes in and tells Lindsay she's "it," her paranoia peaks and she tells him to "just give [her] some space, man." Millie calms her down and says she'll put Ryan to bed. Lindsay asks her how long her buzz will last and Millie gives her a very pitying look.
Millie has set Lindsay up on the couch with a blanket. Lindsay tells her that Nick is always stoned and wonders why. Millie says that it is because Nick is unhappy. Lindsay agrees and claims that everyone is unhappy. Then she starts to do that free-association philosophizing thing that stoned people do that is so annoying to non-stoned people. Millie says she is happy because God is taking care of her. Lindsay doesn't believe in God and she starts to suspect that the world doesn't exist except in the dreams of the Johnsons' dog. She convinces herself that everything will cease to exist if the dog wakes up. Whoa, bad trip, dude. Millie wakes up the dog while Lindsay protests. Millie tells her to have faith in God. When the world doesn't end and she sees Millie kissing the totally unimpressed dog. Lindsay look like she wants to get her hands on some more pot.
In the hospital, Bill comes around to the happy faces of his mother and friends. Mrs. Haverchuk tells him that his dad was worried, which surprises Bill. The doctor shoos them out but Neal and Sam stay behind to talk. They tell him about Maureen and Vicki showing up, and the girls' efforts to comfort the geeks. Bill says they can tell them he is still dying if it mean they'll get dates. They all agree to go to the sci-fi convention on Saturday.
At the Johnsons', Lindsay is starting to come down and is eating a bowl of Cheerios. Millie puts on some Mac Davis ("Baby, Baby, Don't Get Hooked on Me") to "get the monkey off [Lindsay's] back." Lindsay claims to love Mac Davis and Millie and wonders why they aren't friends anymore. Millie says that she thought they were friends. Lindsay is still too out of it to notice that she has hurt Millie. Lindsay vows to be a better friend. Millie suspects that Lindsay won't feel the same the day. Lindsay promises she will.
Alan's dad apologized to Mrs. Haverchuk, who says that Alan can apologize to Bill now. Alan doesn't really apologize and claims that he always knew that Bill wouldn't die. Bill lets him know that he heard his heartfelt pleas and he doesn't buy the tough guy stuff that Alan is now trying to pull. Bill invites Alan to come to the sci-fi convention, but Alan says that the geeks are losers and he won't go. Bill senses that Alan is wavering and he tells him that they're meeting at Sam's place on Saturday. Before he leaves, Alan says that he is sorry. Bill says it's okay as long as Alan doesn't do it again.
Mom Weir comes into Lindsay's room to say goodnight and ask how the babysitting went. Lindsay says she'll never do it again and Mom laughs.
Miss Foote is sitting at Bill's bedside and holding his hand. He wakes up and smiles at her. Now he's getting some of that sick-bed action that Sam and Neal were getting.
Neal as Yoda, Bill as Dr. Who, and Sam as Luke Skywalker, are standing in the Weirs' driveway when Gordon arrives. He isn't in costume because he prefers to put it on in the parking lot so he doesn't look like a loser all day. Alan watches them from the street for a while, then says, "Man, I just can't do it," before riding away on his three-speed chopper-style bike. Whoa, you're afraid of being seen with them and yet you're still riding a bike like that in high school? Whatever, Alan.
Sadly, this is the last Freaks and Geeks recap for a while. I hope that the show gets picked up by another network. I have enjoyed working on it and I thank you all, on behalf of Cate and myself, for your compliments and support.
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