We've Got Spirit

S01E08

Woo-hoo, it's a lunchtime pep rally in the cafeteria! The cheer they're doing has all the hallmarks of a classic: It puts down the other team, it sounds like it was thought up by an eight-year-old, and it flirts with vulgarity in a cutesy way that even my grandmother, who was born in 1905, would not have considered risqué.

Chewin' tobacco, chewin' tobacco
Spit, spit, spit
We make Lincoln look like...
Shiiift to the left
shiiift to the right
[blah blah...]

Neal is watching the mascot in disgust -- but not because it's bizarre-looking, though. And I mean BIZARRE-looking. I think the Norseman is supposed to appear fierce, but his facial expression reminds me more of a constipated Hulk Hogan who's just been whomped in the head with a 2 x 4. It doesn't help that the head is really freakin' huge. No, the reason for Neal's disgust is that he thinks the mascot isn't funny. Bill looks over at the Norseman and says, "He's trying to get us excited." Not that it's working, mind you; for Bill it's all deadpan as usual. Sam is pissed too,- because the mascot is blocking Cindy. The fact that he can say this without even a trace of self-mockery is astounding. Biff, a.k.a. Coach Fredricks, is back! He tells the mascot, who is waving a prop sword around lamely, to "take five." Biff waxes inspirational for a moment and tries to bully the students into attending the Big Game. Would it be possible for Kim and Daniel to look any more underwhelmed? I don't think so. Biff introduces team captain Todd Schellinger. Sam looks sulky, while Cindy aims for sultry. "This season's been fantastic," says Toad. "I wanna thank Coach Fredricks. And God," he adds, almost as an afterthought, pointing vaguely toward the ceiling. "Why does Cindy like him?" asks Sam. "He's such a jerk. He's not even nice to her!" Sam, allow me to introduce you to Human Nature. Human Nature, this is Sam. Y'all get acquainted, now. Neal points out, "Cheerleaders have to date athletes. It's the law." Neal, shh! Toad's speaking again. He's saying, "I wanna see all you guys out there Saturday to watch us destroy Lincoln. All right!" This earns a standing ovation from most of the students (Kim and Daniel conspicuously stay seated). The cheerleaders launch into another dorky cheer, while the mascot stands up on a lunch table and starts dancing around. As the cheerleaders helpfully spell out "S-P-I-R-I-T," Bill tries to imitate their dancing. Aw, man, what this show definitely needs is more of Bill's dancing! The cheerthingies near the end of their cheer and start making some sort of pyramid formation, while the mascot jumps up and down on the table, which collapses underneath him. Neal disdainfully says, "See? He can't even fall funny!" I think Kim and Daniel would beg to differ, though; they stand and start applauding and laughing, and Kim shouts, "Good job, man!" The mascot, who is actually hurt, asks Biff to remove the mascot head. Biff shouts, "Somebody get the head off this kid!" Ha!