By Shack
Book wanders through a common area with a towel and traveler's kit. I assume he's going to take a shower. Or perhaps a milk bath. Okay, I have to tell you -- Keckler just sent me a surprise gift in the mail. It's this organic powder for a milk bath from a company named Inara. I've been giggling at it all afternoon. I'm sorry. It's just funny. Especially the part of the company description that talks about women's cooperatives. Hee. Anyway, Book hears a noise. He says, "Hello?" but there's no response. He turns away again, but there's another noise. He peers up the stairs that lead up to the deck. Suddenly, Moonwalker flies down the stairwell feet first and lands right on Book's face, knocking him down and out.
Yay! Shirtless Simon! What? Shut up. The noise wakes Simon up in his quarters. He's not wearing a shirt. He turns on the light and gets up. He slides open the door to his bunk and walks across the corridor to River's room, still shirtless. And I was totally right when I predicted that he was just as built as the alleged manly men. He shirtlessly slides open the door to River's bunk, only to find it empty. He takes a step down the corridor to look around. The camera angle pans upward from about Simon's knees, allowing us all to absorb his shirtlessness, as well as to notice that Moonwalker is straddling the wall above Simon, all the way up at the ceiling. Moonwalker swings down and attacks Simon with his legs and tosses him against the wall. That looked absolutely ridiculous. He threw Simon with his ankles. Simon gets up and charges Moonwalker, but Moonwalker pulls out his gun on him. That pretty much takes the fight out our shirtless doctor.
Moonwalker suggests that Simon sit. Simon shirtlessly says he'd prefer to die standing. Whoa, his pecs are actually bigger than all the other guys'. Just when I think I've had my fill of smooth pretty-boys, somebody like Sean Maher comes along, dammit. Moonwalker explains that the plan isn't for Simon to die. It turns out that the plan is for Moonwalker to recite everything he learned in "Intro to Philosophy," but we'll get to that. I just wanted to prepare you. Simon shirtlessly sits down on a chair in the hallway and asks Moonwalker, "Are you Alliance?" Moonwalker responds, "Am I a lion? I don't think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though. I have a mighty roar." Simon, shirtlessly: "What?" Me, shirtily: "What?" Simon clarifies that he said "Alliance." Oh. Moonwalker asks where River is. Simon says he doesn't know, and adds, "Who do you work for?" No, see, you have to throw him against the wall when you ask that. Moonwalker points out that River's room is empty, then babbles on about whether it's still "her" room when she's not in it. He can't remember a word that describes what he means. Me: Eye roll. He tells Simon that his plan is to bring River back for a big reward. Then he remembers the word he's looking for is "imbue," meaning that River imbues the room with her…Riverness…when she's in it. Shut up, Moonwalker. Simon says, "So you're a bounty hunter." Moonwalker says, "No, that ain't it at all." Simon: "So what are you?" Moonwalker: "I'm a bounty hunter." Sigh. He introduces himself as Early and says he's been tracking them since the feds were tipped off on Ariel. I just realized that because of Jayne, the Alliance now knows which ship River and Simon are on. Doesn't that pretty much mark them all as fugitives now?
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