Oops...Noel Did It Again

S04E06

Ben and Lauren enter Jack's hospital room. Jack is in a bad way, and the doctor is trying to help him. Lauren asks what's going on. The doctor pulls Ben and Lauren aside to talk to them. Ben pauses to tell Jack that he's going to talk to the doctor, but that he'll be nearby. The doctor explains that Jack is taking twenty breaths per minute. Lauren asks what normal respiration is, and Ben and the doctor answer simultaneously that it's about ten. Ben explains that he was training to be a paramedic over the summer. The doctor says that Jack doesn't have the strength to continue breathing, and he noticed on the chart that Ben has power of attorney. Ben realizes that they want to put Jack on a ventilator. Ben asks how much time that would buy. The doctor says maybe a week or a month. Lauren reminds Ben that Jack doesn't want that. The doctor brings up pain medication, and Lauren says that Jack wants to stay sober. The doctor knows that, but there's no reason for Jack to be in pain. That's what I'm saying. If he's dying anyway.

Felicity paints in an empty studio. Cavallo comes in and they exchange small talk about how hard studio space is to come by in Manhattan. Felicity thinks for a minute, and then stutters that she "felt a little uncomfortable at lunch, when [he] held [her] hand, touched [her], whatever." Cavallo says that she should have. Felicity looks up startled. Cavallo adds, "If you thought I was making a move on you." Cavallo says that he wasn't. Felicity says that she could have been wrong, and now she feels really stupid. Cavallo explains that he's in a relationship, and doesn't want anything else, "especially from a colleague." Felicity is still really embarrassed, but manages to express delight that he referred to her as a colleague. Gretchen, the girl who did the bad spoon drawing in class, enters. Cavallo explains that Gretchen is helping him put up a show. Cavallo and Gretchen leave, and Felicity notices that Cavallo possessively puts his hand on the small of Gretchen's back to guide her out.

Richard and Elena show up at the loft, on a mission to delete that message. Sean answers the door, wearing a vest made out of playing cards. Richard asks whether they want to hear a secret, and bursts in uninvited. So I guess he's not a vampire. Sorry, I've been watching those double shots of Buffy on FX. Anyway, Richard very obviously gets Sean and Meghan (who is still in the Jackie Kennedy wear) to face him in the living room in order to announce his secret while Elena tries to sneak over to the answering machine. Meghan guesses that Richard is coming out, which offends Richard. Elena manages to press the right buttons, and the machine announces that the messages are deleted. Meghan wonders what's going on, and Elena pretends that it was an accident. Elena and Richard leave in a hurry, saying that the secret wasn't that important anyway. As they leave, Elena says, "Bye, Sean!" Richard says, "Bye, Meghan!" This gives Sean the idea to call their company "Schmegan" because it combines both of their names. All that reminded me of was "smegma" and if you don't know what it means, look it up. Trust me -- it's nothing you would want to name a company after.

Noel wearily listens to two really annoying freshman women complaining about their housing situation. So, wait. Noel is not only in charge of drop/add, but also housing assignments? I went to a really small college, and those were still separate departments. Anyway, the women are complaining because they signed up to live on the same floor as the men's lacrosse team, thinking that it would be fun, but it turns out that guys are kind of gross, and that they pee in the sink. Clearly, neither of them has brothers. Although I did have a female roommate who used to pee in the sink, so this behavior is not just limited to guys. Anyway, they want to be reassigned. Noel promises to take care of it as soon as he can, and the women leave. Noel shuts the door behind them and looks like he wants to kill himself.

Ben walks into the hospital and peers into Jack's room. A woman rushes up and explains that Jack isn't there, because he is getting an MRI, and he'll be back in an hour. She introduces herself as Lauren; she's the one who called Ben earlier. ["She's played by medium Hey! It's That Guy! Lisa Edelstein, a.k.a. Laurie the call girl from The West Wing." -- Wing Chun] Ben admits that he's supposed to go away with his girlfriend for the weekend, so he doesn't really want to wait around. Lauren urges Ben to wait, because Jack really needs to talk to him, since his "liver is completely shot." Ben snarks, "Yeah, twenty years of drinking scotch will do that to you." I would guess that Jack has been drinking longer than twenty years. Lauren explains that they took Jack off the transplant list, because they don't think that he would survive the surgery. Lauren pauses and then says that she knows Ben and his father don't have a great relationship. Ben clarifies that they actually don't have a relationship at all, and turns to leave. Lauren says that Jack really needs to talk to Ben, because Jack has something important to say, and Ben says that it's probably nothing he hasn't heard a thousand times. Lauren insists that Ben should really talk to his father, "if for no other reason than to say goodbye -- you know, get some closure." Ben asks what that means. Lauren finally spells it out for him: "It means he's dying." Ben drops his head and sighs.

Noel tells someone on the telephone, "Put them wherever you want." Apparently, he's making arrangements for the annoying freshmen women. Javier knocks on the door, and enters, carrying a plant and explaining that he needs some guidance. Noel flatly asks what Javier wants. Javier says that his Gay and Lesbian Studies professor has a terrible accent, and Javier can't understand him. Also, Javier wants them to switch to rolls of toilet paper instead of the little squares. Noel non-sequiturs that his predecessor did the job for fourteen years. Javier is confused. Noel says that he's only been doing it a short time, and he already hates the people with their "mind-numbing problems." Yeah, it's called not being self-centered, Noel. Just because you think that the problems are mind-numbing doesn't mean they aren't important to the people with the problems. It's called a service industry, and you work in it, so get over yourself. Noel lists some problems that would so not be under his area of purview, but whatever. Noel says that his job was supposed to be a stepping stone, and it will be, and everyone else's problems will have to wait. Javier says that he guesses that he "can live with the squares a little longer," and picks up his plant and walks out. What was with the plant?

Felicity nervously starts her critique session while Cavallo watches. Apparently, the assignment was to draw a spoon. Felicity explains that she did it as a freshman. Felicity picks out one drawing, which is of a face instead of a spoon. The artist apologizes for not following the letter of the assignment. Felicity likes it anyway. Cavallo notes that it didn't fulfill the requirements of the assignment. Felicity argues that the artist went beyond the requirements. Cavallo isn't having it, and takes over the critique while Felicity looks embarrassed, but tries to cover.

Elena returns to her suite and hears voices inside. When she opens the door, she finds Richard moving a big plant around for...the two annoying freshman women, who are moving in. Their names are Tammy and Gaby, and they're moving in. I'm just going to refer to them collectively as The Tabbies unless it's necessary to figure out which is which. I hope that it won't be. The Tabbies introduce themselves to Elena, who asks what the hell is going on. I guess they moved all of Elena's stuff into a new room and put it exactly as it was in her old room. I don't know why. I'm not going to try to figure it out. The Tabbies explain that "Richard's friend, Noel" assigned them the rooms. Richard comments that sometimes he wonders why he's still friends with Noel, and then Noel brings pretty women into Richard's life. The Tabbies scatter. Richard comments to Elena that The Tabbies are "fine fillies waiting to be tamed." Elena looks, as you would expect, disgusted. I hope she kicks some ass later. Techno music plays loudly in the background as Elena examines the clothes in her closet.

Felicity hesitantly walks into Cavallo's office. She says that while he didn't choose her as a TA, and doesn't admire her work, she wonders whether there is anything else she could be doing to be a better TA. Cavallo asks whether this is about the Honors Art class. Felicity says she just wants some advice. Cavallo says that he's running late, but offers to take Felicity to lunch the day in order to talk thinks over. Felicity accepts. I thought she was going to Vermont?

Elena says that Cavallo is putting the moves on Felicity. Meanwhile, Felicity is unpacking her things and denying Elena's assertions. Elena knocks on the bathroom door, and one of the Tabbies calls out, "One minute!" Elena threatens to pee in the trashcan if she doesn't get into the bathroom soon. Elena does the pee pee dance throughout this scene, which cracked me up. Elena reminds Felicity about the McGrath situation. Felicity says that was different, because they liked each other. Elena points out that Cavallo and Felicity could have met during office hours. Felicity protests that she's not a student. Elena doesn't think that's a good excuse. Elena knocks on the bathroom door again, and when she still can't get in, complains that The Tabbies stole her suede jacket. Felicity can't believe it. Elena knocks on the bathroom door again, to no avail, and then takes off for the neighbors' place to pee.

Ben and Lauren sit in a waiting room and drink coffee. Ben asks why Lauren came all the way to New York from California. Lauren says that Jack used to be her sponsor, and she thought he needed support. Ben thought that maybe they were dating, but Lauren says they aren't, but that Jack was very helpful. Ben is surprised to hear that, since he can't imagine his father being helpful in any way. Lauren spots Jack being rolled into his room on a gurney. Ben stands up and watches, stunned, as Jack waves weakly at him. Jack looks like shit. Lauren says that she'll wait outside.

Ben enters the room. Jack introduces him to the doctor. The doctor offers some painkillers, but Jack wants to "do this sober," since he's been sober sixty-seven days. That's great and all, and I'm not an alcoholic, so I don't really know, but if he's dying, does it really matter? Like, I thought the point of recovery was to be able to live a healthier life, both physically and emotionally. So if he's dying, does it matter if he gets an IV drip of morphine? Anyway. The doctor leaves Ben and Jack alone. Jack says that he didn't know whether Ben would come, and Ben says that he didn't know, either. Jack starts joking that his stomach was all distended with fluid until they drained it. Ben is mostly quiet. Jack brings up school, and Ben's new major, adding that he tried to call Ben a few times, but Ben didn't return his calls. Scott Speedman does a really good job in this scene of looking incredibly uncomfortable, and also like being around his father reduces him to being ten years old again. Ben interrupts to ask why he's there. Jack explains that since his liver is failing, it can't clear any toxins, and it will affect his brain, so he won't be able to make decisions. Jack continues, "If that happens, or when...that happens, I need you to make them for me." Ben can't believe that his father is asking him to do this. Jack says that he needs Ben to take on power of attorney. Ben is still in disbelief. Jack says he knows that he hasn't been a great father, but he's been sober sixty-seven days. Ben mutters that he's heard that before. Jack points out that it's the longest he's been sober, and he doesn't want to take any drugs, or be put on any machines to be kept alive. Ben bows his head and shrugs. Jack asks Ben whether he will do that. Ben agrees to it. ["Sixty-seven days is the longest he's ever been sober, and he's been someone's sponsor? How can that be?" -- Wing Chun]

Ben and Felicity lie in bed, fully clothed, talking. Ben says that his father has been trying to kill himself for years, so Ben wonders why he should stop his father this time. Felicity hesitantly says that maybe it's because Jack is sober. Ben reminds her that he's heard that song before. Ben sits up and puts his head in his hands, and then says, "It never changes with him. He always wants something. He's always making somebody else clean up his mess, and I don't want any part of it anymore." Felicity says that maybe his father really has changed. Ben shakes his head and says that he can't give his father any more chances. Ben pauses and asks Felicity not to tell anyone about this, and then suggests that they leave for Vermont the following night. Felicity realizes that she's supposed to meet with Cavallo the day, because she assumed they would cancel the trip, and suggests that they go the weekend, because Ben should probably stay in New York. Ben says that he really wants to go, since it's Felicity's birthday. Felicity asks whether he's sure, and Ben says that he is. Felicity agrees.

Noel sits in his office. Javier enters, carrying the same plant, and announces that he knows that Noel is only into helping himself, but Javier needs Noel to help him. Noel reels off a list of times, and Javier guesses, "Your feedings?" Noel says that they are times for his job interviews; he went through the new job listings and set them up. Javier thinks that might be "a world record or something," and smiles sweetly. Noel agreeably asks what Javier needs. Javier explains that he's giving Felicity a photo album for her birthday, and hands it to Noel. Noel notices that there aren't any pictures, and Javier explains that he needs pictures from Noel to put inside. Noel agrees to help. This guy who looks just like Private Blithe from Band of Brothers comes to the door and asks whether the new job listings are in. Noel lies that they are not. Blithe asks when they are coming in. Noel says that he doesn't know, and Blithe says that Noel isn't a very good guidance counselor. Blithe turns to leave, and Javier says that he can't stand this. Javier stands and asks Blithe whether he knows anything about coffee. Blithe guesses he does. Javier offers him a job at Dean & Deluca. Blithe flatly says, "Thanks, man. You rock." Noel asks whether he can send all of his students to Javier, but Javier doesn't think so, and he walks out, reminding Noel about the pictures, and leaving the plant. Noel calls out, "Javier! You rock." Javier smiles and says, "I rock!" I think Javier deserves the counselor job more than Noel does.

Felicity and Cavallo are at lunch. Felicity says that she doesn't consider herself an artist, and that she's worried about the class, but Cavallo assures her that she's doing great. Felicity doesn't think so, and Cavallo says that she just needs practice, which she will get when he goes out of town week to see a Rodin exhibit. Felicity talks about how she loves Rodin. Cavallo says that Felicity knows what Rodin can do with the human form. Cavallo picks up Felicity's hand and talks about Rodin's sculpting of muscles. Felicity looks uncomfortable. Cavallo says that Rodin was rejected from art school three times, so Felicity shouldn't feel bad about not getting into his Honors Art class. Felicity continues to look uncomfortable about the handholding.

Elena walks into Felicity's room with a birthday present. Felicity opens it to find a hat and gloves, and thanks Elena. Elena says that Felicity can get her a new suede jacket for her birthday, and some earplugs, referring to the loud music that The Tabbies keep playing. Felicity wonders what she's going to do about Cavallo, and Elena urges her to confront him now, before it gets worse. Elena excuses herself to do something about the loud music. Elena walks into The Tabbies' room to find them exchanging shoulder massages with Richard. The Tabbies explain that they don't have Elena's jacket. Elena walks over and angrily turns the music down. Richard senses "chick roommate tension," and offers to get The Tabbies something to drink. Elena points out that Richard didn't offer her a drink, but Richard is oblivious as he leaves the room. The Tabbies asks whether Richard is friends with Noel. Elena confirms that he is. The Tabbies giggle and clap with excitement that their plan is going to work out. Elena reminds them to keep the music down, and stomps out.

Ben walks in, and Elena says that Felicity is in her room, packing. Ben walks into Felicity's room. She realizes that something is wrong, and asks what's going on. Ben says that Lauren called and said that Jack is getting worse, so Ben needs to go to the hospital; he adds that he doesn't think they should go away after all. Felicity agrees and offers to go with him. Ben kindly says that it's not necessary. Felicity asks how Jack is, and Ben doesn't answer, and then apologizes for ruining Felicity's birthday. Felicity promises that they will go weekend. The loud music starts up again, so Ben asks what it is. Felicity just sighs and says, "Our new roommates." Ben and Felicity hug.

Montage of Noel in various interviews, making a fool of himself as usual. Mostly because he's explaining why he's so great, instead of explaining why he would be good for the company. Rookie mistake. Also, the desperation emanating from Noel is palpable.

Noel lies on the floor in his room singing "Lonesome Loser." So appropriate. Felicity stops by and asks what's going on. Noel explains how poorly his interviews went, and that he's going to be a guidance counselor for the rest of his life. He rises out of his funk to wish Felicity a happy birthday, and then asks why she isn't in Vermont. Felicity says that Ben's father is in town, so Ben is with him, and they are going to Vermont weekend. Because remember, Ben told her not to tell anyone about his dad? I couldn't figure out why Felicity didn't mention the hospital until I remembered that. Noel offers to take Felicity out for a drink to celebrate her 21st birthday. Felicity thanks him, but says that she's going to paint, and assures Noel that his interviews were probably not that bad. Noel watches her go, then steps out in the hall and wishes her a happy birthday again as she leaves.

Elena tries to study, but is distracted by the loud music. We see a shot of Richard and The Tabbies dancing in The Tabbies' room. Elena dials the loft on speakerphone. She leaves a message for Noel explaining that she's not at a concert, despite the loud music, and he needs to get The Tabbies out of there. Richard storms out before Elena has finished the message, and complains that The Tabbies want Noel. Richard adds, "The N-Man always scores. First he sleeps with Felicity -- don't even try to deny it, because I saw the hickey -- and now he's going to get the muffins in the other room." A voice from the phone says, "Your message has been recorded." Elena says that it was Noel's phone, and Richard realizes that it's Ben's phone, too.

Ben sits on the street in front of the loft, waiting for Lauren. She finally shows up, carrying a huge bouquet of flowers, and apologizes for being late. Lauren says that it's sad, because Jack has been like a father to her. Ben looks stricken, and Lauren apologizes for her unfortunate choice of words. Lauren says that Jack talked about Ben all the time, and starts bringing up various events Jack discussed with her. Ben remembers most of them.

Cut to Noel walking down the street, talking to one of his interviewers on his cell phone. It doesn't sound like Noel got that job. He spots Ben talking to Lauren across the street, and stops, watching them. Cut back to Lauren telling Ben that his father loves him very much, and then she starts crying. Lauren and Ben hug. Noel sees this from across the street, and looks upset, since he thought that Ben was supposed to be out with his father, and is instead out with some chippy. From Noel's standpoint.

Ben watches as doctors try to help his father to breathe. Ben and Lauren walk outside. Lauren keeps saying that Jack made his wishes very clear. Ben says that his father is in pain, and that Ben didn't ask for power of attorney to begin with. I can't believe that Ben wouldn't call his mother. I know his parents are divorced and all, but you'd think his mother would be able to help him out a little bit. Ben walks away. Lauren asks where he's going, and Ben angrily retorts, "If he doesn't want to be saved, I'm not going to save him."

Ben storms into the loft, where Noel sits reading the paper. Noel asks, faux-innocently, "Hey, who was that girl?" Ben doesn't know what Noel is talking about, and gives Noel a look like, "Now is not the time to piss me off, lonesome loser!" Noel explains that the girl had a big bouquet of flowers. Ben says that he's "not in the mood for this crap," and walks toward his room. Noel doesn't take the hint, adding that Felicity said Ben was with his dad, and then Noel saw Ben hugging some girl on the sidewalk. Ben stops and turns around, and angrily says that she's a friend of his dad's, not that it's any of Noel's business. Yeah! It's none of Noel's business! You go, Ben! Noel says that it is, because Felicity was alone on her birthday. Ben yells, "Look, you don't know what you're talking about, so just drop the best-friend crap, all right? We all know what you're doing!" Noel asks what that is. Ben says that Noel graduated and took the job as a counselor, so it's obvious that he's just waiting around for Felicity. Noel says that he's not waiting around for anyone, and that he just can't get a job. Ben points out that Noel took a job right down the hall from Felicity. Ben testifies, "Come on, man. Give it up. It's been years! She was never yours. She never will be, so just accept it and move on. You're never gonna have her." Noel replies, "I already did."

Okay. Sidebar: At this point, although I was very angry at Noel for butting into something that's none of his business, I was willing to believe that he honestly thought he was looking out for Felicity, and that he just blurted that out without thinking, and would retract it immediately. But then, this happened.

Ben says that he's not talking about a freshman crush, and Noel self-righteously says, "Neither am I." Ben just stares at Noel uncertainly, his face falling, and then walks out. Noel looks more angry than upset. That's where Noel lost me, possibly forever. First of all, what was he thinking? That this would lead Ben and Felicity to break up, and that Felicity would come running into his arms? Because while it might, she won't. She made her choice. I don't think she's going to rebound from her relationship with Ben by running to the man who broke them up in the first place. Also, I just hated his tone (although I think it was a good line reading by Scott Foley); it was like Noel thought he was being all defiant and standing up to Ben, like it was some act of bravery, when the far braver thing to do would have been to respect Felicity's wishes and keep it a secret. I know that Noel doesn't know that Ben's father is dying -- it doesn't matter. It was still a dick move. In conclusion, I hate Noel. He ruins everything.

Ben returns to the hospital, where the doctor is talking to Lauren. Ben asks the doctor how much being on a ventilator would improve Jack's condition. Lauren is all offended, so Ben takes the doctor aside and asks whether doing this will improve Jack's chances of being put back on the transplant list. The doctor says that there is a chance, but it's very small. Ben says that he wants to do it.

In the women's apartment, Javier and The Tabbies watch Felicity open a present. It's the photo album. Elena walks in carrying her suede jacket, which she found in The Tabbies' closet. Javier comments that The Tabbies have great taste. Elena points out that it's hers. The Tabbies says that they borrowed it. Elena says that they lied to her. The Tabbies say that they both have sisters, and they share clothes all the time. Elena points out that they aren't sisters. Noel walks in, because the door was open. Am I the only one who remembers James and the gun? The Tabbies are excited to see Noel, and Elena tells Noel that he's "a dead man." I wish. Noel wants to talk to Felicity alone. Felicity thanks Javier for the present and gives him a hug. The Tabbies watch Noel walk out. I hate them, too. I wish they would go live with Noel in an apartment somewhere that would burn down and they would all die horrible, fiery deaths.

Felicity says something to Noel about his job interviews, and Noel confesses that he got a job. Felicity is happy for him, and asks why he seems upset. Noel says that maybe Felicity should sit down. Felicity does, and asks what's going on. Noel paces for a minute. Felicity tells him to hurry up because he's freaking her out. Noel tells Felicity that he saw Ben with a woman. Felicity is relieved, and explains that it was Lauren. Noel's not finished. He explains that he got into an argument with Ben, because it's Felicity's birthday and she shouldn't be alone, and he thought that Ben was cheating on Felicity, and he freaked out. Noel concludes, "And I told him -- I told him about us." Felicity asks what Noel is talking about, and Noel says, "I told him we slept together." Felicity's face falls, and I know I say that all the time, but it really does. Felicity whispers, "Why would you do that?" Noel lies, "It just came out." That is a LIE! The first part just came out, and then he totally had time to reflect before the rest of it. Noel apologizes, but Felicity has put her head down and started crying, so Noel leaves. I hope he feels terrible.

A familiar song starts playing. Maybe they've used it on this show before? Ben walks into his father's hospital room. Jack is hooked up to a ventilator. Ben enters and says hello to his father, who can't talk because of the tube in his throat, but expresses disgust anyway, at what Ben allowed to be done. Ben says he knows that Jack didn't want it, but the doctor said that there's a chance that Jack could get better. Ben admits that he was hoping to have some time with his father. Jack looks surprised, and then sad. Fade to black.

week: Meghan thinks that it's "about time" that Felicity slept with Noel. Various couples smooch; it looks like Noel and some blonde lady, Sean and Meghan, and Elena and...Trevor? Felicity chases Ben down the street in the pouring rain and calls out, "I love you!" Ben turns and says that he's starting to hate that word. Ugh. I can't take this. I hope Noel gets swept into the sewer and drowns.