Previously on Felicity: Knoll screamed from the rooftops that he got the job in Seattle; Felicity suggested that they "TP" the library to annoy Richard; Ben and Knoll argued about Ben's relationship with Avery; Ben confessed to Felicity that Avery kissed him; Knoll macked on Felicity in the library.
Picking up where last week's episode left off, Felicity runs out of the library with Knoll in hot pursuit. He apologizes, acknowledging that his behaviour was "insensitive" and that he had no right to kiss her. Without breaking stride, Felicity says she wants to forget it happened -- something she probably has in common with most women Knoll kisses. He thinks that they should talk about it, and forces her to stop walking. He thinks that "all this rage and resentment" she's feeling for him "will one day come to the surface and explode" if they don't discuss what happened. Geez, you'd think he was talking about me. Yeah, I hate the character, Knoll Crane. No, I don't hate Scott Foley. I don't give him a second thought, most of the time. All the Knoll lovers need to get off my back. You could start by reading the FAQ, preferably before you email me your indignant sputterings. Though I'm happy to discover that the ranks of the Knoll supporters are thinning, mostly due to his ridiculous behaviour in the third season. Anyway, Felicity takes the opportunity to remind Knoll for the millionth time that she loves Ben and is dating Ben, and that she doesn't harbour any lingering feelings for Knoll. Suddenly, after her speech, Knoll wants to "drop it." Felicity protests that it "feels weird" to drop it. Knoll reminds her that she was the one who didn't want to talk about it in the first place. Felicity says she doesn't like the way she feels, and she doesn't know how to be "normal" with him anymore. Knoll babbles about not knowing what is normal when he's with her. She says that being friends is what should be normal for them. He admits that he doesn't remember the last time he thought of her only as a friend. She thinks that perhaps the last year has been a lie, in that case. He mutters, "Maybe it has." Felicity looks away and is clearly distraught. She turns around and walks off, leaving Knoll in the middle of the sidewalk, on his own. I have to say I'm pleased that whenever a male character makes an uninvited move on a female character, he usually always pays a price, in one way or another. To name a few incidents, Richard got booted in the head when he grabbed Elena's boobs and way back in the first season, the guy who date-raped Julie got kicked out of school.
“ There certainly is a lot of medical drama on this show. I guess the producers are trying to get as much mileage as possible out of the hospital sets they had to build. ”
Ben is working behind the counter at Dean & Deluca. Felicity, who isn't working, walks up to the counter and asks to talk to him. They move away to the end of the counter and, conveniently, some other D&D worker bees pick up the slack. Felicity tells him that she "hates" the fight they had. Ben concurs, and they agree to forget all about it and move on. As they're hugging, Javier walks through the door to the storeroom and says, "Okay, what does it feel like when I'm having a heart attack?" Felicity notes that he looks pale, and he says that it feels like an elephant is sitting on his chest, which is making it difficult for him to breathe. She instructs Ben to call a cab. I don't get it. I'm not a New Yorker so I don't know which is likely to get there faster -- a cab or an ambulance. Personally, I would have called an ambulance. Javier clutches his chest and moans, "Oh, it's happening again," as Felicity leads him away. Javier better not be in any grave danger just when he finally makes a long overdue reappearance.
Cut to a shot of a heart monitor, tracking every beat of Javier's heart. He's laid up in a bed, with various drips and tubes attached to him. There certainly is a lot of medical drama on this show. I guess the producers are trying to get as much mileage as possible out of the hospital sets they had to build. That's why I don't get why Knoll didn't jump off the roof in the last episode. He could have been the one in the ER. So, in a direct shout-out to me, Javier prays, "Are you there, God? It's me, Javier." I thought people had stopped quoting Judy Blume's book title to me (since my given name is Margaret) about twenty years ago. However, just this past winter, a waitress asked me if I had ever read Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret after seeing my name on my credit card. The hell? Anyway, Javier promises God that if he survives he'll "work out every day, weights and cardio, [he'll] stop badmouthing Consuela, and [he'll] tell Samuel about those Milky Ways [he has] hidden in the linen closet, and [he'll] go to confession more, even though Father John's got that B.O." Felicity pulls back the curtain around his bed, interrupting his prayer, to tell him that she's contacted Samuel, who is flying back right away. Javier comments that he hopes Samuel will be back in time to say "adios." Then he bequeaths his collection of cashmere sweaters to Felicity. She encourages him to wait for the test results "before writing up a will." A doctor, who sounds just like the definitely not scary and definitely not intimidating woman on The Weakest Link, calls him "Mr. Quintata" and informs him that he did not have a heart attack. Obviously, he's in too much of a state to correct her pronunciation. She goes on to say that his "EKG does show the possibility of an arrhythmia." Javier, with a sharp intake of breath, gasps, "A-hee!" He pauses, looks at Felicity, and then asks, "What does that mean?" The doctor, who's working a Bride of Frankenstein look with her hair, explains that it means his heart is beating irregularly, and that even though it could be nothing, she's going to admit him for observation. When the doctor has gone, Javier says, "Okay, that's it, I'm dead." Felicity tries to calm him. He gives her his house key so that she can fetch his lilac nightgown, because the hospital gown makes him look "as big as a house." He declares, "If I'm going to be observed, I want to be observed looking theen." Felicity smiles and nods. Then he gives her the manager's key for Dean & Deluca and says, "You're the boss now." She whines that her "personal life is a mess," but he insists that she's the only person he trusts. She reluctantly agrees to do it.
Meghan waltzes into the kitchen in the loft -- which, by the way, features that unattractive wedding-cake lamp from IKEA -- to find Sean struggling with his bar mitzvah speech. He's finding it hard because it's his "first public address as an actual man." Meghan puts on her coat and responds, "Uh huh." He says, "What?" and she replies, "Nothing." She kisses him and wishes him good luck with his speech. As she's almost at the door, he says, "So, I'll see you there later." Meghan frowns and says she doesn't think they need couples therapy. Sean insists that they do. She asks, "Why? Why? We're kissing, we're talking, we had sex last night." He informs her that they didn't have sex and she says, "God, that was an amazing dream." I have to say that I really hate the playing-card earrings she's wearing in this scene. Sean drones that they "have issues," and cites their serial break-ups. Meghan states, "I dated a guy with a pierced scrotum." Does she make it a policy only to date guys with genital oddities? Sean looks befuddled and opens and closes his mouth a few times. Meghan explains, "I'm just saying that this isn't the most abnormal relationship I've ever been in." Okay, I get it, this episode is going to examine exactly what normal is for each and every relationship or heart. First it was Felicity and Knoll, then it was Javier and his abnormal heartbeat, now it's Sean and Meghan. I. Get. It. Sean yells until Meghan relents and says she'll be there. She snarls and stomps out the door sneering. While I don't despise these characters, the incessant bickering has got to stop. I just want to fast-forward through their scenes.
Molly and Richard are sitting together in the library. He's whining about the library getting TPed and that people like to "kick the president around." Since Molly's role has been reduced to being a part of the scenery, she only bleats that she's sure that whoever did it regrets it now. Knoll strides up to the table and asks Richard why he has left so many messages. Richard hauls out the surveillance videotape and announces, "You're busted, Crane." Knoll pretends not to know what Richard is talking about, but Richard says, "You're practically waving at the camera. It might as well be your graduation picture -- that is, assuming you're still graduating." Knoll looks stricken as Richard says that the administration "wants heads to roll," but if it were up to him, he'd burn the tape. Richard says that while the tape doesn't reveal Knoll's partner in crime, he has a pretty good idea who the culprit is. Knoll refuses to name names. Richard reiterates that the university administration is seeking to punish the perpetrators, not him. Methinks Richard doth protest too much. Knoll urges Richard to talk to the powers that be, because as he puts it, "I'm not going to lose everything over a couple of rolls of stupid toilet paper." Oh, I see. The toilet paper is the stupid party in this scenario. Knoll didn't seem too worried about losing anything when he was on the roof last week (not jumping), planning this idiotic caper. Richard says he'll do what he can, but that he's not promising anything. After Knoll is gone, Richard tells Molly, "I'm sorry you had to see that." Good ole Tricky Dick.