Previously on Felicity: Felicity feels that she's to blame for Julie's disappearance; Molly and Meghan take Felicity to a frat party; Felicity wakes up in a frat boy's bed.
At the loft, Knoll is helping Ben find Felicity's favourite rib place in Laredo, Texas, so that he can order some ribs for her online. Sean appears on the stairs leading to his bedroom, and he asks if he can talk to them about something.
Felicity, who is wearing a paper gown, is in one of the health clinic's examination rooms. Sitting on the table, she's blathering on about not being the kind of person who usually sleeps around or has unprotected sex. She admits to not knowing whether she even had sex the night before.
Back at the loft, Sean, who is dressed in his bathrobe, is downstairs asking Knoll and Ben if either of them has ever had "like an achiness, y'know, like down under?" as he motions to his nether regions. Ben wisecracks, "You mean like in Australia?" which causes he and Knoll to giggle. Sean says he has a dull ache in his testicle, while clutching the affected area. Ben asks him not to use the word, 'testicle'. Oh, grow up, Ben. For as much as you and every other man who has them handles them, you should be able to say the word. Ben says the word is "uch," and Knoll likens it to "whenever a girl says labia -- y'know, it should be neutral, but it's not." Listen dudes, if you are uncomfortable using the correct terminology, you shouldn't be sexually active. Ditto for discussions of contraceptives. If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it. Just call me Dr. Maggie Westheimer. Anyway, I seriously doubt that many women discuss their labia around Knoll. Just how often has this been a problem for him? Sean gets testy and says, "Great. Y'know what? You guys are the ones with the problem. It's called hatred of your genitalia." With that, Sean slams out of the room. One of the Two Stooges says, "Ah, geez. Man."
Back at the health clinic, the ever-so-helpful health-care practitioner is handing Felicity a small cup with two blue pills in it. She drones, "This is a high dosage of the same steroid found in birth control pills. They inhibit or delay ovulation, which will prevent you from getting pregnant. Of course, they'll do nothing to protect you against STDs. Oh, and need I say it, this is not to be your usual form of birth control. Emergency contraception means emergency." Felicity mumbles, "I know about the morning-after pill." I guess she does; she was part of the sit-in last year to pressure the health centre to supply it to students. The nurse/doctor continues, "So take two now and another two in twelve hours." She pauses to look at Felicity's chart, and she snipes, "Oh, tomorrow's your birthday -- have a happy one," before sweeping out the room. Ah, the caring medical profession. Wouldn't you think that if a young woman came into a college health centre with a story about not remembering if she had sex with a stranger because she blacked out at a frat party, the nurse/doctor might have suggested giving her a blood test to find out if there was any Rohypnol in her blood? I think that might be as much of an issue as cautioning her about having unprotected sex. I also think that reminding her to not overindulge might be worthy of a mention, as well as a lecture about the dangers of attending frat parties without relying on the buddy system. I guess that's why I only play a doctor in these recaps and not on TV.
Still back at the loft, Knoll has discovered the web site for "Ramblin' Dan's Rowdiest Ribs." Ben is all set to place his order when Knoll gets paged for his first tech-support call. As he's rushing to get out the door, he tells Ben that all he has to do is enter his credit card information, and his order will be placed. Knoll leaves the room and Sean "Balzac" Blumberg comes out of the bathroom. Sean walks over to Ben, who is sitting on the sofa, and thrusts his pelvis into Ben's face. Sean opens his robe and says, "Hey, y'know, I really think it's swollen. I really do. Can you just check it?" Ben flinches and says, "What?!? No way, no way, no way! No." Sean pleads, "Please, just feel my nut." Ben stammers, "Just go to a doctor that feels nuts!" Hey, sometimes you feel like feeling a nut, sometimes you don't. Knoll pipes up, "Yeah, like a neurologist." Ben concurs, "Yeah, go to one of them." Sean says okay and shuffles away. Okay, a couple of things here. "Just go to a doctor that feels nuts," reminds me of the punch line of an old grade-school joke: "He said, 'Show her yer nuts,' so I went 'Booga, booga, booga' [mimes crazy arm-waving and eye-rolling]." Secondly, according to my esteemed partner, Mick, no normal twenty-something man would ever ask a male friend to frisk his nerts in a non-sexual way. He says it is: Just. Not. Done. Furthermore, he says that he would "blanche to the power of a thousand" if one of his friends ever asked him to do such a favour. I did a little research with some experts in the field -- okay, it was my fellow MBTV writers -- and they pretty much agreed that this is another way the Felicity writers are illustrating Sean's extreme oddness. I guess he and Meghan really are meant for each other.
After the opening credits, Theodore Geisel spins in his grave during the trailer for the Jim Carrey abomination, The Grinch. I really see no need for live-action versions of cartoons, especially one as superb as How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I hope the ghost of Boris Karloff haunts Jim Carrey for the rest of his days. Victoria's Secret satin collection is specially priced for the holidays. What holidays? November 1 is All Saints Day -- is that what they're talking about? They can't mean the Christmas holidays, can they? That's not for another month and twenty-four days, fergodsack. Oh, the I-zone Pocket Camera and sticky film from Polaroid. Can I just say that I bought one not too long ago, and it is a piece of crap, and I've never been able to get it to work? I'd just return it, but I bought in Chicago. Polaroid sucks. There are cheap-ass boots and shoes at Payless. I've pretty much never had a bad experience at Payless. Did you know they have some funky handbags there, and they're really cheap? Okay, here's the stupid Wendy's commercial with the sitar music. Why do they only show that one and the NASCAR one in this time slot? Man, you'd think I'd realize by now that there's no such thing as a good Wendy's commercial, so I should just quit hoping for one.
Docuventary clip: Felicity is sitting at a table in Dean & Deluca, holding a coffee cup and wistfully talking about how she used envision celebrating her twentieth birthday. She thought that she and her friends would go to a really "fancy restaurant in San Francisco," where they'd order escargot and drink cocktails.