Previously on Felicity: We learned that Felicity chose Ben at the end of last season. Sean asked Ben if he would still date Felicity if he knew that she loved him, Ben says yes, and Sean says Ben's not ready for the relationship and he should end it. Ben listens to Felicity's tape to Sally and hears, "I don't know what this is, but I think it may be love." Then, he gets a look on his face as if the meatball sub he had for dinner isn't agreeing with him.
Felicity is wearing a blue peasant blouse as she rummages through the books on her desk, obviously looking for something. After glancing to a product-placed iBook, she spies her tape recorder across the room, grabs it, hits play and notices that it is in the middle of the tape -- obviously, someone has listened to it. Just then, Meghan walks in with her hair in pigtails, followed by an advisee. The advisee asks if he has rickets, or possibly scurvy, and Meghan shoves him out the door and says, "Get away from me, freak!" Felicity asks her if she listened to the tape. Meghan starts to roll her eyes, but then spots an opportunity to mess with Felicity's head and says, "What if I did? Would you break down in tears, start popping pills or what? I'm curious." Felicity says that her tapes have intensely personal things on them and Meghan says that's why she couldn't care less. Felicity says it would be like her looking in Meghan's box, which pulls Meghan up short: "You looked in my box?" and pulls said box out from under her bed. Felicity says, "I was making an analogy -- just forget it." Meghan says, "Okay, I didn't listen to your tape, but whip it out. You think it compares to what's in my box? You let me listen to your tape and I'll let you look in my box, and we'll see which one is more intense." I break out in a nervous sweat because I really don't want them to reveal what's in the box. I think it's best left a secret. Felicity plays the part of her tape that Ben heard, and Meghan shakes her head and says, "Wow, that was lame." Felicity says, "Whatever, let's see it." Meghan acts like she's about to open the box and then says, "I don't think so!" Whew!
Then there's a real commercial for an iBook.
After the commercial, Felicity is recording a letter to Sally, and tells her that the first week of her sophomore year is done, she and Ben are doing great, and being an R.A. has been a fun challenge. Cut to a floor meeting where Felicity is telling the advisees they've been amazing while Meghan does her nails and looks bored, until she cuts in and says, "Except you!" She points to Scurvy Boy. "You're weird." When Felicity shoots her a look of dismay, Meghan retorts, "He eats his hair!" Felicity tries to ignore her and open a discussion of problems or concerns. Burkey, the annoying freshman from last week, says that while he is laughing on the outside, he is crying on the inside and they should keep an eye on that. Felicity makes the "whatever" face, as obviously this guy has not gotten any less annoying since last week, and asks if there are any real problems. Suddenly, a woman gets up and runs out, and Felicity cries, "Gretchen!" Gretchen pauses and says, "I can't handle this anymore" then bursts out crying and runs out. Felicity tells Meghan she is going to go check on her. Meghan says, "Don't give her attention -- it's what she wants." Felicity says, "That's our job," all exasperated, and Meghan sneers at her retreating back, "Sucker!" Meghan rules.
Felicity enters Gretchen's room, and Gretchen is lying on her bed sobbing. She says that she's losing her boyfriend, Ian. They were supposed to meet in the library and he never showed up and then said he forgot. Felicity asks if she talked to him about this, and Gretchen says, "He doesn't like to talk. So, I'm thinking of doing this..." and hands Felicity a magazine. Felicity reads aloud: "Ten Steps to Winning Him Back. One, seduce him on the cell phone. When your ex is en route, give him a ring on his mobile and purr naughty nothings." I want to add that they completely capture the language and tone of most women's magazines here. Felicity makes a face of disbelief and continues, "Two, fire him up with lusty lingerie? Three, put blush on your nipples -- Okay, you cannot do this!" and puts the magazine down. "I wouldn't be in a relationship where I couldn't be myself. That's a lie, and you shouldn't have to do that to keep your boyfriend. He should like you for you!" Gretchen asks, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Felicity says, "Kind of. We're starting out." Gretchen gets a wistful look on her face and says, "Beginnings are the best. Ian used to leave me love notes everywhere...then one day he get a funny look on his face and I never got another love note." I wouldn't have bothered to recount that whole conversation if it wasn't important later, so keep that in mind! Well, plus the faux Cosmo tips were funny.
Ben is standing on the street, wearing his Dean and Deluca T-shirt. As Felicity walks up to him, we hear her say that she hasn't seen any funny looks from Ben, but she doesn't want to overanalyze it (as if it's possible for Felicity to keep from overanalyzing a situation). They go into Dean and Deluca to prepare the shop for opening, and Felicity asks what they're going to do about food tonight, when they go to Bryan Park to watch an outdoor movie. They continue to banter about pilfering food from their workplace, juggling and muffins, but the important part comes when they are both picking up some muffins from the floor and Felicity stops and says, "I love this -- being with you is great." Ben pauses and instead of responding, says he is going to unlock the door. Felicity tells us that it seemed like a funny look, but she's going to ignore it.
Ben and Sean are at a pretzel vendor and Sean says Ben's in trouble because the tape is like a monkey in the room -- it's there and they can't ignore it. Ben tells him the expression is elephant (and I thought it was gorilla), but Sean retorts that both an elephant and a monkey in a room would be unusual. Anyway, his point is that Ben listened to the tape and Felicity thinks it's love. Ben says that Felicity said it might be love, and anyway she wasn't talking to him. Sean says it's worse because she was talking to a girlfriend, so she was being totally honest. Then he goes on to make an extended analogy about colleagues and customers that only served to remind us all that Sean is a businessperson, I guess. Ben says he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it and Sean says, "So why did you tell me about it?" and I'm wondering the same thing. Why is Ben seeking advice about women from Sean?
Elena and Knoll are sitting at a table in Epstein Bar (and by the way, the name of the bar stopped being amusing sometime last season, but I guess they can't change it now). Elena is questioning Knoll about how many sexual partners he's had, and she finds out that it's less than ten. As the waitress approaches to take their orders even though they already have food sitting on the table, she yells out, "It's like you're a virgin!" Knoll cringes while Elena orders a product-placed Coke and the waitress leaves. Elena says, "What about her?" and nods at the waitress. Knoll says, "Not now -- she thinks I'm a virgin!" like she couldn't tell just by looking at him. Elena speaks for us all when she says, "Move on. Felicity has." Knoll is a little taken aback by Elena's bluntness, but then agrees to give it a shot and asks Elena how he looks. "Like a virgin," she shoots back. He approaches the waitress and talks to her, and then returns with a straw, obviously having chickened out. Elena says it's a start and Knoll says he's lost all his moves. What moves? No, really, what moves? Elena says, "What about Beth in Berlin?" and I'm expecting Knoll to say he made her up. Instead, he says, "She was drunk and I was desperate" which doesn't explain how she came to answer the phone when Felicity called, but does tell us that it was hardly a torrid affair. ["How classy, Knoll. Yeah, this guy is definitely better boyfriend material than Ben. Not. I'd say they're tied." -- Maggie] The waitress has the last laugh, as she brings Elena's drink and asks Knoll if he wants a drink with his straw.
Julie, looking very Pink Power Ranger in her pink top, shows Sean a flyer for a party. He gets all hopeful and asks, "You're inviting me to a party?" Then he reads the flyer and says, "You're inviting me to a party in my apartment." Julie says she is asking if she can have a party. Isn't that rude? ["Extremely, particularly since she can count the length of time she's lived in the apartment on the fingers of one hand with room to spare." -- Wing Chun] He's letting her stay there as a favor, and she wants to throw a party? Sean says no more parties and Julie asks if he wants to start the year off with a bang. Sean says, "With a bang? Yes. With a party? No." Thanks for the single entendre. Sean says that one hundred fifty college kids equal a trashed apartment. Julie says, "What about one hundred fifty kids at $5 a head?" and Sean brightens up at the prospect of money and agrees. Julie says they should split it fifty-fifty (although it's his apartment) and Sean agrees. At this point, it is clear that he is totally in love with Julie and has completely forgotten about Chloe, the librarian from last season. Sean hugs Julie and says, "We make a great team." (Hint, hint.) Julie is clueless as she leaves to go find Tim, an interesting guy from her Human Sexuality class, so she can invite him to the party. Sean looks crestfallen.
Ben sees Felicity in the back room at Dean and Deluca as she packs a dinner for their date in Bryan Park. He enters, and Felicity tells him she got her pictures back from their summer road trip. He doesn't really say anything, so she says, "Do you want to see them?" He takes them and goes through them. Felicity waits expectantly for Ben to chuckle knowingly or comment in some way on the pictures, but he doesn't say anything and her face quickly goes from hopeful to confused to upset. She says, "What's wrong? You have a funny look on your face and it's the second time I've seen it today. Is it about us?" Ben says no and Felicity says "You're not happy, are you," and it's more of a statement than a question. Ben says no again. Felicity looks stunned and Ben says, "I don't know if this is what I want right now." All Felicity can do is say, "Oh, okay," and Ben says, "I'm sorry." Keri Russell carried that whole scene with her facial expressions.
Felicity and Elena are talking about Ben, and Felicity says she just wishes she knew why he broke up with her, and that she should've known, and she starts crying. Elena says that she was just following her heart and Felicity says "I hate my heart right now," and I'm thinking, "I've been there, sister." Elena tries to cheer her up by saying, "He's a guy. Nothing they do ever makes sense." Felicity chuckles a little.
Ben and Sean are talking in their loft. Ben says, "I never told her I listened to the tape." Sean says, "Why put salt in the wound? You did what you had to do." Ben says, "What if I made a mistake? What if..." but he shuts up quickly when Julie enters the loft with food for the big party.
Cut to a pair of feet encased in extremely tall, black, vinyl platform shoes. The camera pans up the woman's body as she walks awkwardly, and we see she's wearing a micro-mini with a strappy tank top, and finally the woman is revealed as Gretchen. Felicity is walking by her in the hall, but comes to a stop when she realizes who it is, and asks her what she's doing. Gretchen says it's part of her high-voltage look, "number eight on The List." Felicity starts, "I thought..." and Gretchen interrupts, "That I was gonna quit. Thank God I didn't! It's working. Ian called me." Felicity says that she doesn't think Ian calling had anything to do with The List. Gretchen says, "It does. His friend saw me in the cafeteria and Ian wants a private viewing." As she leaves, she gives Felicity the magazine and tells her there's an outfit on page forty-seven that would look "killer" on her. I understand this last part is an integral part of the plot, but I want to say I have never looked through a magazine to find outfits for friends, and then pointed them out.
Knoll walks into Epstein Bar and looks around, trying to act casual. He sees the waitress from the other day and strolls over (and I thought Scott Foley did a great job of acting like someone who is nervous, but trying to act casual, if that makes sense). He walks up to her and says, "Hi, I'm Knoll..." and really says Knoll instead of Noel, more than any cast member I've heard thus far. Before he can go any further, the waitress starts frantically waving her hands and shaking her head no. Knoll says, "What?" and she says, "No." Knoll: "No?" Waitress: "I don't date customers." Knoll: "But..." Waitress: "I've got a boyfriend," and she walks away. I was wondering how they would make Knoll seem sympathetic after he acted like such a dick last week. I guess I know now.
Knoll walks into his apartment looking a bit shell-shocked, and tells Elena he didn't just strike out; he was thrown out of the game. Then there's a whole scene where Elena is trying to teach Knoll how to pick up women by approaching them in stages, but it involves each of them pretending to be Gwyneth Paltrow, and I can't really talk about it yet. The point is, Elena decides that Julie's party will be the perfect opportunity for Knoll to try out his new techniques.
Felicity is sitting on her bed, looking at her pictures from the summer, when she hears a knock at the door. It's Burkey, and he asks her out again. Bad timing, Burkey! Felicity tells him he's a pest, like an incessant, annoying gnat. Burkey says, "Gnat with a 'g'?" and then there's a dumb Dr. Seuss joke and she tells him she's not ever going out with him and he leaves. She goes back to looking at pictures.
Ben is sitting outside, looking at a picture of Felicity from the summer. He smiles and then does the Forehead Rub of Reconsideration.
Felicity is sitting at her desk and Ben walks into the room and says they should talk. He doesn't know where to start so Felicity asks if it's just her, or did they have an amazing time on the trip. Ben says it's not just her. Felicity asks what changed, because she's trying to understand and she started to blame herself. Ben interrupts to say that he feels pressured, and he's worried that he won't be able to live up to her expectations. Felicity says, "All I want is to be with you." Ben pieces together more words in a row than ever before when he says, "I think you want more. You want someone who's going to be focused on you, long term. Someone who will talk to you about everything and I'm not really good at that. It's got a lot to do with knowing that you think this might be love...or whatever." Oops, I bet he didn't mean to let that part slip out. Throughout his little speech, Felicity looked like she was going to throw up. She says, "Who said anything about love?" Ben sheepishly admits, "You did...I listened to your tape. It just sorta happened," which is the lamest excuse ever. Felicity says, "You broke up with me because of what I said on my tape? That wasn't even thinking, it was stream-of-consciousness..." and Ben channels Sean by saying, "Which makes it worse because it was totally honest." Felicity says, "So I can't be honest?" and Ben says, "Can we just forget it? This is exactly what I'm talking about." When Felicity says she deserves an explanation, Ben says, "Everything has to be the hugest [sic] deal with you." Felicity tells him that he listened to her thoughts, and to her that is a huge deal. Ben finishes with, "This isn't gonna work. I thought maybe it could, but it can't," and he leaves.
Meghan yells out, "It was Ben! This is classic!" and when they show her in close-up, her necklace looks like a skin rash. Felicity obviously doesn't want to discuss it, and apologizes for accusing Meghan of listening to the tape. Meghan asks if he listened to the whole tape and Felicity says she thinks so. Meghan tells her she must feel so stupid. In a voice-over, Felicity tells us she doesn't feel stupid; she feels lost, as if she didn't have something to hold onto, she'd drown. The List seems to be working for her advisee, so she opens the magazine. She says she decided to do some of The List, like number five: Go where the action is, which doesn't really count because she was going to go to the party anyway. Number six is dress high-voltage. Didn't Gretchen say it was number eight earlier? Anyway, Felicity walks down the hall wearing a lot of eye makeup and a tight red dress, and tells us she would've wanted to look nice no matter what. She does look nice, but I think she might be a bit overdressed for a kegger. Number seven is let him see you with another guy, so she knocks on Burkey's door. He answers with shaving cream on his face and she asks him to go to the party with her.
Sean is taking money at the door of the party and a guy who looks a bit like a younger Tim Meadows from Saturday Night Live, except with dreadlocks, approaches. Young Tim Meadows says, "I'm Tim, a friend of Julie's." Sean says, "$10." Tim says that Julie told him he wouldn't have to pay and Sean says Julie didn't tell him that and Sean's all defensive about it because this is his competition for Julie's heart.
Tim walks into the party. Maybe parties at the "University of New York" are different from parties at every other college, but I've never seen people this formally dressed at a party where you drink out of a plastic cup. I've also never seen people dancing at a kegger. I guess I've been going to the wrong parties. Anyway, Tim says hello to Julie, who hugs him.
Elena and Knoll scope out a girl by the keg. Elena gives Knoll some last minute advice and tells him to just get her name. Knoll strolls over and asks Girl By the Keg where the keg is. She says, "It's right here." Oops. Knoll continues, "By the way, I'm Knoll," and waits for her to say her name. She doesn't, so he says, "And you are..." and she replies, "Bridgid." Knoll says, "Oh, Bridget, that's a nice name. It's nice to meet you." She replies somewhat bitchily, "It's Bridgid. No 't'." Knoll tries to cover and make small talk but fails, and walks away. Elena looks sad for him.
Ben is sitting on the stairs when Felicity and Burkey walk in. To the strains of Santana, the camera pans down Felicity's body as she adjusts her shoe, and Ben gazes at her.
Julie asks Sean for help in getting rid of Tim. Turns out he's annoying, and he keeps quoting Neil Diamond. At first, I thought she said Neil Gaiman, and I didn't see what the problem was. Thank God for captioning. Sean says he'll take care of it, and when Tim comes over, he asks Julie to cover the door so he can have a guy-to-guy talk with Tim. Whatever he said, it must've worked because that's the last we see of poor Tim.
In a voice-over, Felicity tells us that she wanted to leave the minute she got there because The List changes the way you look, but not the way you feel. As Felicity makes small talk with Burkey, Ben walks up and says hello. Felicity tells us that number nine is "Stay icily indifferent," which may prove difficult. Ben asks if they can go somewhere and talk. When Felicity doesn't answer, he adds, "Please?" Felicity agrees and follows Ben out of the room while making a little "Catch ya later" gesture at Burkey. He says, "Okay by me," but the captioning said, "What's up here, buddy?" That was weird.
The Girl By the Keg is writing down her number for Knoll, but he is busy watching Ben and Felicity get into the elevator.
Felicity and Ben are up on the roof and the music is "Crash" by the Dave Matthews Band. Frankly, I expect a little more creativity from this show in terms of musical selection. Ben says, "You look great, by the way." Felicity has her Kelly Taylor moment when she says that she didn't dress that way for Ben, or for her date, but for herself. Ben says he still thinks she looks great, and that he's sorry about the tape and that he really likes the picture of them by the Mi-T Mart in St. Louis. Basically, he says everything he should've said earlier. Felicity says that they look happy in that picture and Ben says that they were, as he takes her hand. He leans in to kiss her and Felicity tells us that number ten on The List is "Don't let him see you care," and that maybe she should give that a try, and maybe she does show her feelings too easily. They stop kissing for a minute, but their faces are still only an inch apart and Felicity says, "Maybe you're right. I mean, this doesn't have to be such a big deal. We could just take it day by day with no expectations." Ben asks if she's sure, and she says yes and they start making out some more and he grabs her butt. I imagine the director told them to turn down the lip mics and also directed Scott Speedman to quit grabbing her butt all at the same time, since that's how it happens.
Julie and Sean are sitting at a restaurant booth, presumably the day, and Julie is looking in an envelope. He tells her there is $700 in there, and she can't believe they made that much. Sean reminds her that they actually made $1400 since they split fifty-fifty. Julie says that's more than she made all summer, which is pretty sad, and makes me wonder what kind of job she had. ["Maybe she spent the summer busking. Oh, wait a minute, she probably only would've netted about $50, in that case." -- Maggie] Julie thanks Sean and tells him that he is really nice to her. It is yet again all too apparent that he is completely in love with her as he gazes adoringly upon her pointy face. He asks her to go out to dinner to celebrate, and she says she would but she has a date with some guy she met in the bookstore. His face falls and he says, "Maybe some other time," and gazes pointedly in his coffee cup. I have to say that Greg Grunberg did an excellent job in this scene of conveying a lot of emotion without saying a word, really.
Felicity is packing a picnic meal as she tells us that she's discovered that by not being herself, she gets what she wants. A week has gone by since the party and things are weird, but Ben seems happy. They are going to Bryan Park for a movie. Cut to the park, where Felicity sits alone on a blanket while a Laurel and Hardy movie plays on a giant screen. All around her, couples laugh and kiss, but Ben is nowhere in sight. Felicity decides to eat her sandwich.
The day at Dean and Deluca, Felicity walks in and sees Ben. He greets her with a kiss and she breezily mentions that she went to Bryan Park last night. As soon as the words leave her mouth, Ben realizes what happened and says he completely forgot -- not unlike Gretchen's boyfriend Ian! Get it? Felicity brushes it off as no big deal, when clearly it was a big deal to her. Ben says they can go week and Felicity says they can't because that was the last one. Ben thanks her for being so understanding.
Felicity looks in the mirror in her room and tells us that the compromise is starting to get to her. She wonders "if there are parts of me, if I gave them up, I won't be me anymore." There's a knock on the door and it's Gretchen, crying. She comes in and tells Felicity that Ian dumped her. Felicity asks, "He didn't like the shoes, huh?" and Gretchen says, "He didn't even like the blush on my nipples. I can't believe I tried that." I would just like to point out that I don't get that. I asked my boyfriend, in case it's a guy thing, and he doesn't get it either. I would think it would make you look like you had a rare disease. Anyway, Felicity asks if she feels better for trying The List and Gretchen says she just feels stupid. Then she asks Felicity how she does it. Felicity asks what she means and Gretchen says, "You would never compromise yourself like I did. You would never sink so low that you'd do something you didn't believe in, just to be with some guy." I'm sure if there was a thought balloon over Felicity's head right now, it would say, "D'oh!"
Felicity is standing on the street, waiting for Ben. He comes out of a door and asks her if she wants to walk, and she says no, so he realizes something is up. Ben gets the disagreeable meatball sub look on his face again. Felicity takes a deep breath and starts: "The truth is, I can't be with you like this. I know I said that I could, but I just can't compromise myself like that. I mean, I'm an emotional person. I feel things, and I need to be able to get upset and talk about how I'm feeling. That's who I am, and I can't change it, and I don't want to. And the thing is, you knew that. You knew it, and you still pursued me. Because you want something with me. You just aren't strong enough to have it, which in a way makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that one day, you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize what you missed and it's gonna be too late." Ben just kind of stands there with his mouth open for a while, and just when I think he might catch some flies in there, he says, "I don't know what to say." Felicity kind of takes pity on him and says, "I know. It's okay." She kisses him on the cheek and walks away in slow motion as he stands there stunned. Wow, that was a great speech. I don't know that any nineteen-year-old has enough self-awareness and maturity to make such a speech. I know I sure didn't. But I've been in situations where I wish I had, and that was quite impressive.
Back in her room, Felicity gathers up the pictures. In a voice-over, she tells us that the time had come to let go of the past. She continues, "I'm ready to move on, to see what else is out there" as she takes off the necklace Ben gave her and puts it in a box. Burkey knocks on her door and asks her if she wants to shower with him. She turns him down, then apologizes for using him at the party. He says it's not the first time it's happened to him, and that she can use him anytime. I think he's supposed to be growing on me, but he's not.
Felicity walks down the street in slow motion again. Do they ever show her walking down the street in real time? She tells us that it's one thing to say you're going to let go, and it's another to actually do it, loosen your grip, and let yourself fall. She continues, "When I walked into the hair-cutting place, I was taking a leap, but I wasn't doing it for a guy, or because of some list. I was doing it for me." First, couldn't she have said "hair salon" instead of "hair-cutting place"? Second, that was two Kelly Taylor, "I choose me" speeches in one episode. Third, I can't believe Keri Russell cut her hair. The episode ends with a backlit Felicity getting about eight inches of hair taken off, and we see all her curls on the ground. Also, she was not wearing shoes for some reason. I'm sad that there were no "Scenes From the ," but I think they're trying to preserve the suspense of what she looks like bald. Like I didn't already see it a month ago on Access Hollywood.