Felicity Was Here

S01E22

Felicity sits in a classroom alone. Julie walks in and sits down, announcing that she knows whom Ben likes. Felicity looks horrified, and asks whether Ben talked to her. Julie says that Lynn did, and told her about Nicole. Felicity acts surprised. Julie says it seems obvious now, in retrospect. Julie explains that Nicole was making moves on Ben, and that that's why Lynn broke up with her. Felicity looks freaked out. Julie realizes that something is up, and asks Felicity whether she knew about Nicole. Felicity stammers that Ben might have mentioned something at work one day. Julie can't believe that Felicity knew and didn't tell her. Felicity apologizes. Julie bitchily heaves a sigh and Felicity adds that she doesn't think Ben likes Nicole. Julie admits that Lynn said the same thing, and Julie wonders who it is.

Felicity tells Sally that she should've just said that she thinks Ben likes her. The problem with that, as Felicity sees it, is that then Julie would have asked how Felicity feels about Ben, and she doesn't know how she would have answered that.

Dean & Deluca. Felicity stares at Ben, and he stares back and smiles. FVO says that she's starting to think that Elena was right, and that she should at least consider going with Ben, because considering doesn't hurt anyone. Felicity looks up and sees Noel standing there. She talks to him as Ben watches, but we don't hear what's being said. Noel hands her some paper, which must be her plane ticket. Ben watches, and looks upset. Felicity smiles widely at Noel, who leaves. Ben swallows hard. Felicity looks over and sees Ben watching. He looks amused. And hot. Felicity puts her ticket away. Cut to Felicity, sitting on the subway, lost in thought -- another shot that ended up in the credits later on.

Commentary Trivia: Many of the New York exterior scenes (like the subway shot above) were shot over a period of two days on location. As a result, Keri would have to walk down the street looking sad, and then walk down the street looking happy, and then exit the building angrily, etc. These shots were then interspersed throughout the whole season, and they had to match clothes and hair too. However, they didn't always do a great job with continuity, so you might see mismatched scenes where Felicity appears to change outfits from one scene to the for no reason.

Felicity sits on the steps outside the loft at night. Ben walks up. Felicity asks what would happen if they did go on the trip, and Ben grins.

Ben and Felicity walk up to the loft. Felicity says she shouldn't even be there, and Ben disagrees. Felicity explains that she was lying in bed trying to figure out what it would mean if they went together. Ben, amused, asks why everything has to mean something, and adds that he's never met someone so desperate for meaning. Felicity looks upset. Ben says that he's leaving tonight, and asks whether she's coming with him. Felicity blurts, "I can't be having this conversation because then I am the devil." Ben assures her that she is not the devil. Felicity asks what if she was. Ben says he'd still want her to go. Felicity insists that he would not want her to go if she were the devil. Ben shakes his head, laughing. Felicity adds that this decision affects other people. Ben lists all of the reasons why he wants her to go: "You're crazy and you analyze everything, and that kind of scared me at first but, I don't know, you're really smart about things. And you've been a good friend to me. And I really like you." Felicity stares at him. Ben says that they have this chance, and that he really wants to take it. Felicity admits that she wants to go too. They grin at each other and move in for a kiss. Before they can, they hear an ungodly clomping sound. Oh shit! Julie is there. She was upstairs. What was she doing up there? I knew that key decision would come back to haunt Ben. I don't know how many times I've seen this episode and I still got so caught up in the Ben/Felicity moment that I totally forgot Julie was going to show up. Anyway, Julie clomps over to them and whispers that she found her disk. Ben and Felicity have nothing to say. Julie walks out. Felicity stares after her, stunned.

Commentary Trivia: Okay, here's the deal with the haircut in the second season. It wasn't Keri Russell's idea. The writers came up with the idea over the summer when they were figuring out storylines, because it seemed like something a college student would do after a breakup, and also because Keri had sent them a Polaroid of herself in a short wig to freak them out.

Felicity sits on her bed, in profile, and continues her tape to Sally. She notes that this year went by faster than ever, and it seems like time is speeding up. The camera focuses on the necklace that Ben gave to Felicity, as she picks it up and puts it on. FVO says that she's been getting up earlier every day, because she's so excited, and she knows she only has a few days left of her freshman year. Felicity goes into the closet to get her bags and start packing. FVO says that she found a list written on the wall of her closet that contained the names of everyone who had lived in the room before her. The camera pans down the list and I've always wondered where they got those names from. Are they people who work behind-the-scenes on the show? FVO says that the list went back to 1968, and she lists off a few of the names, marveling that she's never heard of them, and it made her wonder where they are today, and how much they remember of their freshman year. She wondered if they are all still alive, which is kind of morbid, but it's Felicity, so I guess you have to expect that.

Commentary Trivia: To answer my own question, the names are friends of J.J. Abrams and Matt Reeves. For example, one of the names is a woman who is now an associate producer on Alias.

Felicity and Julie sit on the floor of Julie's room. Julie's belonging are strewn about, so she must be in the process of packing. Felicity eats cereal out of a Styrofoam bowl as Julie pouts that breaking up sucks. Felicity agrees and then kind of looks off to the side, obviously feeling a little guilty. Julie asks Felicity if she's coming to Epstein Bar on Saturday, and Felicity says that she definitely is. Julie thanks her. Felicity pauses and then says that she's thinking that she shouldn't go with Ben on the cross-country drive. Julie asks why, and tells Felicity not to skip it because of the break-up. Julie adds that she was actually going to ask Felicity for a favor. Julie thinks that Ben has "another prospect" and asks Felicity to look for signs that Ben has someone else. Felicity hesitantly agrees.

Luckily, the captioning identifies all of the songs in this episode, so I can tell you that "Sullivan Street" by Counting Crows plays. Julie is in the loft, gathering some clean laundry. Ben walks over and says he found something of hers, handing her an article of clothing. Julie thanks him perfunctorily. Ben says that he couldn't find her computer disk, and that he looked everywhere. Julie says she knows it's there somewhere, and that she'd stay and look, but that she has a class. Ben tells her she can come back whenever she wants. Julie hands Ben her keys. He hesitates and then tells her to keep them, since she knows she's coming back later. Bad move, Ben. That's going to come back to haunt you. Julie puts the keys in her bag and asks Ben if he's going to live in the loft again year. Ben says he is. Ah, awkward post-breakup small talk. It sucks. Ben notes that he might not see Julie before she goes. Awkward pause. Ben says that he'll call her and Julie says okay, then walks to the door. She pauses, and then tells Ben not to call her. Ben looks confused. Julie says, "I don't mean that in a bitchy way. I just...I don't feel like looking forward to a phone call as awkward as this." That was, like, the one moment in the episode where I liked Julie, because that seemed very real. Ben agrees. Julie tells him to have a good summer, and Ben says the same. Julie walks out, and Ben stares at the closed door.

Commentary Trivia: The loft set had three entrances, which would be weird in a real apartment, but it allowed them to use whichever entrance worked the best for blocking and lighting. Also, the loft is one of the only sets that had an actual ceiling. It was made of tin.

Ew. Elena lies in bed with Professor Grody McGrath, staring at him while he sleeps. She quietly gets out of bed and looks around the bedroom. She looks out the window, and then notices some graded papers on the table. She checks to make sure McGrath is still asleep, and then leafs through them until she finds her own. The grade on it is a B-. Oof. That's gotta hurt. McGrath stirs, and Elena quickly straightens up. He smiles at her, so he obviously didn't catch her peeking.

Felicity gets her mail. Noel appears out of nowhere and says, "Come with me." Felicity asks what he means. Noel says he was in bed, alone, which was weird, and he realized that Felicity should come with him to Berlin. Felicity points out that she has a job. Noel says he just wants her to come for two weeks, which is the same amount of time she's supposed to drive with Ben. Felicity looks slightly busted. Noel says that he already ordered her a ticket. Whoa. Presumptuous much? Noel says he knows this is a huge deal, but that he's sure "it's a genius move." Felicity says that Noel can't afford to buy her a ticket. Noel says that she underestimates his "financial acumen," and adds that the ticket is refundable so "on the incredibly off chance" that Felicity says no, no one will be hurt. Well, not financially. Felicity can't believe it. Noel tells her not to say yes now, but to think about it, and say yes later. Even back the first time I saw this episode, back when I still liked Noel better than Ben (I know), Noel bugged me in this scene. Felicity agrees. Noel asks if she's saying that she'll go or that she'll think about it. Felicity says she'll think about it.

Felicity continues her tape to Sally, saying that she really didn't have to think about it, because "who would say no to a trip to Europe with a guy you love who's your almost boyfriend?" Felicity adds that she decided to confront this Ben thing head-on, and that she's heading over there right now. She asks Sally to wish her luck.

It's the shot from the credits of Felicity standing in the subway station. Cut to Felicity and Ben talking at the loft. I love this scene. Just assume that, throughout, the sexual tension is unbearable, because it totally is. "Bolero" starts playing again. Felicity tells Ben that she can't go with him. Ben asks why. Felicity says there are a million reasons why, and that she can think of "no less than three reasons why." Ben says he'd like to hear those reasons. Felicity stammers for a minute and then comes up with "the Noel factor." Ben asks if she thinks Noel will be jealous. Felicity says that Noel is "far too mature for that," (ha!) but that he invited her to Berlin. Ben goes, "Berlin? Really? Wow." Heh. Felicity says that the second reason is "the Julie factor" which is "killing" Felicity. Ben sighs and says he knows. Felicity reminds Ben how Nicole made him feel uncomfortable around Lynn, and says that he's doing the same thing with her and Julie. Felicity says she feels bad now, just hanging out with Julie. Ben says there is a huge difference, because Lynn and Nicole were still dating. Felicity says, exasperated, that Ben and Julie just broke up. Ben, feeling like he's won a point, says that they did break up, though. He kind of smirks at Felicity like, "Take that!"

Felicity looks shocked as Ben moves on to the third reason. Felicity says that they both know what the third reason is. Ben, fake innocent, says he doesn't know. Felicity says, "The moment! The almost-kiss mom...don't pretend you don't know what the third is." Ben asks why that is a reason for them not to drive across the country. Felicity is shocked that he doesn't get it, and says, "Because." Ben asks, "'Because'? That's your reason? Because?" Felicity looks pissed. Ben laughs and says that he can't dismiss the Noel thing because Berlin sounds great, and maybe Felicity should go with Noel. He moves onto "the Julie factor," and says he doesn't know what to say about it. Ben says that the only reason the third thing is an issue is because they didn't kiss, so "it's like this big unanswered question." Answer it! Felicity says he's exactly right. The camera switches to a two-shot as they sit, facing each other, staring. Suddenly, Ben stands up and grabs Felicity's face, and starts kissing her. Oh. Oh, dear. I think I've got the vapors. I'm fanning myself over here. They stop, and Felicity seriously looks like she's ready to jump Ben. Do it! Ben, also shocked, slowly sits back down and says, "I've wanted to do that for a long time." Felicity suddenly stands up. Ben asks where she's going. Felicity says she doesn't know, and that it's a flight reflex. Ben calls out to her. Felicity looks back at him, and then runs out the door. Ben sits down.

"Tempted" by Squeeze plays. Heh. Normally, I'm not a fan of the background music making a direct commentary on the scene; I prefer when it sets a mood. But I'll make an exception because this was so perfect. Noel is in his room. Felicity walks in and asks what he's doing. He says he's preparing the "hard sell," putting together a slide show of Berlin for Felicity so that she can see what she'll miss if she says no. But no pressure. Jeez. Felicity says, "Yes." Noel realizes that she's saying she'll go to Berlin, and gets really happy. Felicity thanks him for asking. He kisses her, and there is nowhere near the heat she has with Ben. Felicity says she hasn't told her parents yet, but that she's sure it'll be fine. Noel doubtfully asks, "Really?" Felicity says that actually they will have a problem with it, but that she doesn't care, and she's going. Noel kisses her again and Felicity laughs, and sighs, relieved to have made a decision, even if it's the wrong one.

Commentary Trivia: The DVD set of the first season has all of the original music for the pilot and the final episode, but they were unable to (or couldn't afford to) secure the rights for the original music for the other episodes. Boo.

Felicity and Elena sit in McGrath's seminar. Elena yells, "Ben kissed you!" Felicity hisses at her to keep her voice down. Elena's hair is in two braids, but it doesn't really work, because the rest of her hair is in tiny braids, so the two larger braids are so think that they stick out like Pippi Longstocking. Elena can't believe Felicity still wants to go with Noel. Elena thinks Felicity should go with Ben, and adds that if Julie were sitting right there, Elena would tell Felicity the same thing. McGrath walks in as Felicity thinks it over. McGrath starts to hand back some papers. Elena says she knows she blew this paper. Felicity says that Elena always says that, but Elena says she is sure this time. McGrath passes out the papers, and Elena sees that she got an A. Did McGrath use erasable ink or something? Because there is no other grade on the paper, and no marks where he crossed out the old grade or covered it with Wite-Out or something. Elena is shocked and looks at McGrath, who looks away.

Felicity tells Sally that Elena is obviously wrong, and that she couldn't even consider going with Ben. She asks Sally, "Right?"

"Sweet Rosalyn" by Sheryl Crow plays as Felicity and Meghan pack up their belongings and prepare to move out. They move around the room, not talking to each other. Meghan finishes packing and picks up her bags to leave. She walks over to Felicity and says goodbye. Felicity tells Meghan to "have a good time...at...wicca camp." Meghan thanks her and walks out. Felicity looks a little disappointed. Meghan walks back into the room and hands Felicity an envelope. She says she wrote something down the second week of school, put it in an envelope, and sealed it shut. Felicity hesitantly takes the envelope and opens it. She reads, "There's no chance in hell Felicity's going to make it through the whole year." Felicity looks at Meghan, puzzled and slightly offended. Meghan says she was going to give the envelope to Felicity when she dropped out, as an "I told you so," but then Felicity made it through the whole year. Meghan says she's impressed. Have I mentioned that Meghan is wearing earrings made of playing cards and a necklace that looks like Christmas lights, except instead of light bulbs, they are strawberries? I don't know. Felicity thanks her. Meghan asks Felicity where she's living year. Felicity says she's living somewhere in the dorm, because she might be an R.A. Wouldn't that have already been decided? Meghan says she might be too. Felicity looks confused at that, and Meghan walks out. Felicity looks down at the envelope, bemused.

Felicity continues packing, and there's a knock at the door. Ben walks in hesitantly. He smiles and says that Felicity has been avoiding him. She agrees. Ben says he got her message, and that he doesn't agree with her decision; he thinks she should come with him. Felicity starts to say that he's really kind, but Ben interrupt to say that he's not being kind, and that it's just what he wants. Ben says he understands what she's saying about Noel and Julie, but that he thinks she wants to go with him. Felicity resolutely says that she's going with Noel because they have a whole plan. Ben points out that he and Felicity had a plan, too, until she changed her mind. Felicity says that if she went with Ben, she would be the devil. Hee! Ben asks what she means, amused, and Felicity says that "it would be a direct affront to both Julie and Noel." Ben is still not convinced. Felicity says that if they went across country, they both know it wouldn't be platonic. Ben says, "So?" Word, Ben. Felicity is exasperated, and Ben says that they'll make it platonic, because he just wants to go with her. Felicity doesn't see how it could work.

Ben stares at her, then at the bed, and then walks over and sits down. "Bolero" starts playing again. Ben tells Felicity to sit down to him. Felicity warily asks why, and Ben assures her with a grin that he's not going to do anything. Felicity smiles, walks over, and sits down to him. Ben announces that they are in the car. Felicity says it's stupid. Ben says that he's driving. Felicity swallows hard, clearly warm for his form. Ben says, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to drive?" Felicity laughs and says it's fine. Ben pretends to look out at the road and comments, "This is a smooth ride, wouldn't you say?" Hee! Felicity giggles and they both crack up. Felicity asks what happens when they go to a motel and there's only one bed. Didn't they see the episode of Happy Days where Joanie and Chachi snuck out to go to the concert and their car broke down and they had to sleep together so they each kept one foot on the floor? And then the bed broke so Chachi slept on the radiator or something? That was a good one. Ben considers this question, and then leans back so that he is lying down. He tells Felicity to lie down, too. She scoffs, but then lies down to him. Oh, just do it. Ben looks over at her. They stare at each other for a minute. Ben stares at her mouth. Felicity pops up and says that it could never work. She tells Ben to leave. Ben says he knows she wants to go, or that she's at least thinking about it. Felicity dubiously asks how he knows that, and Ben points out that she's started wearing the necklace he got for her again. Felicity opens the door and tells him he has to go. Ben walks out and Felicity follows.

Ben gets into the elevator and tells Felicity to think about it some more. Felicity tightly insists that she's thought it through. Noel runs up, yelling for Ben to hold the elevator. He gets in the elevator, saying that he's got to drop off his last R.A. report. He asks Felicity whether she's gone to the passport place. Throughout the scene, Ben smirks at Felicity, and then, when Noel looks over, pretends he's not smirking. It's pretty funny. Felicity promises that she will go to the passport place tomorrow. Noel tells Ben that they're going to Berlin. Ben says that's what Felicity says. The elevator doors close as Felicity looks really uncomfortable.

Felicity goes to get her passport photo taken. The photographer asks where she's going, and she tells him that it's Berlin. He says he's heard it's nice, although he's never been. He takes the picture. Felicity asks him if he's ever driven across the country. He says that he has. Felicity asks how it was. He says it was one of the best times he's ever had, and possibly the best. He adds that you don't need a passport, and that it's very romantic. Yes, I find that going unshowered for days at a time is very conducive to romance. Or maybe I'm just remembering my own cross-country experience. Which was stinky.

Commentary Trivia: The guy who played the passport photographer also played the guy who took the college ID pictures in the pilot episode, and he was the same guy who demonstrated the condom in the episode called "Gimme an O."

Felicity sits on the steps outside the loft at night. Ben walks up. Felicity asks what would happen if they did go on the trip, and Ben grins.

Julie sits in the window seat in her room. Felicity walks in and Julie gives her the bitchiest look that every bitched. I mean, she has every right to be upset, but I hate her, so I'm going to pretend she's the one who sucks in this scenario. Because she sucks in every other scenario. Plus, if she really overheard the whole conversation, she would know that Felicity was trying to do the right thing, at least a little bit. Felicity apologizes that Julie heard the conversation, and admits that she should have told Julie everything up front. Julie says that would've been hard, and asks how you tell someone that you're trying to steal her boyfriend. Felicity insists that she wasn't. Julie says she feels stupid because she kept asking Felicity about the other woman, not realizing that Felicity was the other woman. Julie twists the knife: "He's a good kisser, isn't he?" Felicity looks like she wants to vomit. She tells Julie that she didn't plan it, and adds that she's so sorry. Julie says, "I really don't care what you are. You can be sorry or not. It doesn't matter to me. You're just a lying bitch." Whoa. Felicity looks like she's been slapped, and starts crying. She whispers that she doesn't know what to say. Julie tells her not to say anything, and just to leave. Felicity says that she's not going with Ben. Julie tells Felicity just to get out. Felicity says that she's going to Berlin with Noel. Julie says that she's not so sure about that, because she told Noel. Wow. What a sucker punch. I'm sure the argument could be made that Felicity deserved it, but I'm not going to make it. Felicity whispers, "How could you do that?" Julie doesn't answer. I have to say that this whole scene could have been very soap-opera-like, just looking at the dialogue, but both actresses made it seem very real. Especially Keri Russell.

Felicity pushes open the door to Noel's room and softly asks if they can talk. Noel doesn't answer right away, and then crabs that he wants the plane ticket back. Felicity slowly takes off her backpack, and then pulls out the ticket. She starts to hand it to Noel, but he won't look at her, so she just sets it on the desk. She waits, in case he is willing to speak to her, but he totally ignores her, so she leaves.

Felicity sits on a bench outside an office, looking lost. Felicity goes in to see her guidance counselor. Oh, this was before the days of Toni Pavone. Damn. Felicity explains that she hopes she's learned something this year, and that it hasn't been a waste. Felicity adds that she didn't know anyone when she came to New York, and that even Ben was a stranger to her. Felicity says that people she had never met became so important to her, and that they felt like real friends. Felicity starts crying and guesses that the counselor gets kids all of the time who crying at the end of their freshman year about how it all turned out. He asks whether she's still thinking about becoming an R.A. Felicity doesn't think so, because she doesn't know whether she's the best person to give advice. The counselor points out that she's someone who's been through it. He asks Felicity whether he'll see her year, and she laughs.

Commentary Trivia: The idea for Alias came out of J.J. Abrams's frustration with trying to come up with storylines for Felicity. He felt like it would be a lot easier to think of storylines if Felicity could just go around the world on spy missions but never tell anyone. So he made a new show out of that idea.

Felicity packs her things. There's a knock at the door, and Ben walks in. Felicity thought he had already left. Ben says that he left and then came back. Felicity asks why, and Ben asks what she thinks. Felicity says that he couldn't have come back for her. Ben says he did. He explains that he was driving away, and trying to think of a good reason he could give Felicity to come with him. Ben chuckles that Felicity would probably have a good reason, and give him a big speech filled with meaning, but he doesn't have that. Felicity laughs. Ben says he just knows that he likes her, and that he got to Harrisburg before turning around. Ben adds that he never wanted to hurt Julie, and that he hates how screwed up this whole thing is, but he can't help how he feels. Ben says that this is the last time he'll ask: "Will you come with me? Please? 'Cause I already know it's a better trip if we're together." Felicity sighs, but doesn't answer. Ben says he's going back to the loft to wait until 10, and if she doesn't show up, it's cool and he'll see her around in Palo Alto. Felicity says she can't believe he came back. Ben grins and says he knows, and then leaves. I notice Felicity's still wearing his necklace.

Commentary Trivia: Originally, the writers were going to reveal Felicity's choice between Ben and Noel at the end of this episode but, while filming, decided to make it a cliffhanger.

Felicity moves a packing box and something falls to the floor. She picks up an envelope with her name written on it. FVO says that Noel left her this incredible letter. Way to leave it in a visible place. What if it hadn't fallen on the floor? She would have never found it. Felicity reads the letter aloud: "Dear Felicity: Although it's true, it seems impossible -- nine months ago, I didn't even know you. Now I can say with absolute certainty that there's no one on the planet who means more to me than you. Whatever happens with you and Ben, whatever happens with you and anyone, could never change the way I feel. So with that, I conclude this sappy yet sincere letter and ask you to please seriously consider using the enclosed. Love, Noel." Felicity looks in the envelope and finds a plane ticket to Berlin.

Commentary Trivia: At the end of the final episode of the series, there is a montage at Noel's wedding with everyone laughing and crying while Sean gives a speech, but we don't hear what Sean says because the music plays over it. In reality, Greg Grunberg was giving a speech about how much the series had meant to him, and how much he would miss the show and the people, and the actors were genuinely responding to that.

"I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan starts up. This was before that song got all overplayed and annoying. Felicity continues her tape to Sally as we see a montage of various scenes on campus, now empty and abandoned -- a classroom, the library, a hallway. FVO says, "When I was six years old, I had an ant farm. After a few months, I opened the top, left it outside. The day the farm was empty. All the ants were gone. But they left behind these tunnels, all these empty spaces they'd been living in, working in, for months. I remember staring at this empty ant farm, noticing one last ant, still inside, still moving little grains of sand." Felicity takes her bags out of her room and turns for one last look before closing the door. Felicity walks down the dorm hallway to the elevator as FVO says, "I watched him for a while until he began making his way through the maze of tunnels and finally climbing out the top." Felicity carries her bags out to a cab. FVO says, "Anyway, once he got outside on the grass, he just stopped. I swear to God, it was like he was trying to decide which way to go. But then finally, off he went." Cut to Ben, sitting on his car's hood, waiting to see if Felicity will show up. FVO says, "So here's the thing. I've made a decision. I'm not flying home by myself." Cut to Noel, sitting in the airport, waiting to see if Felicity will show up.

Commentary Trivia: The address Felicity says in the cab was supposed to be J.J. Abrams's address in real life, but Matt Reeves gave her the wrong address to say. So really, Felicity just said a random address that had no meaning.

FVO says, "I didn't have to make a decision between Ben and Noel, but I did." Felicity gets into the back of the cab and seems lost in thought. The cab driver gets in and turns around. He asks, "So, where to?" The camera cuts to outside the cab, so we only see, but don't hear Felicity's response. I remember when this episode originally aired, one of my friends taped it, and we seriously spent a couple of hours trying to read Felicity's lips and see what she said. At the time, I wanted her to pick Noel (shut up), so I was arguing for "La Guardia." FVO concludes, "I'll be home in a few weeks and I'll send you a tape when I got there. Love, Felicity." As the cab pulls away, Felicity looks up at her dorm. Cut to a pan down the list of names on Felicity's closet wall. We see a new name has been added to the list: Felicity Porter, '99.