Noel stands outside his dorm room, circling items in the classified ads. The elevator arrives, so he walks towards it, but bumps into Elena on the way -- literally bumps into, as in knocking shoulders. Noel absentmindedly starts to apologize, but Elena yells, "Don't touch me, you guy scum!" Noel looks back, startled, and then realizes who it is, and asks Elena if she has to denigrate him every time she sees him. Elena says she does. I'm right there with her. She asks if Noel wants to know why. Noel says, "No, I know why, because Felicity's your girl." He didn't make air quotes around "your girl," but they were implied. Elena tells Noel that he's right, and that she doesn't want to hear that Felicity and Noel both did something wrong, because Noel started it. Noel protests that not every guy is a jerk, and Elena says she didn't say that; she said that Noel is a jerk. Noel says that Elena might as well get her last shots in now because he's moving. Elena is surprised, and Noel adds that he's going "anyplace that accepts guy scum." I tried on and discarded a number of suggested locations here, but none of them worked, so just insert your own most hated place, or maybe where an ex-boyfriend or deadbeat dad lives. It's like Choose Your Own Adventure. Noel walks off, and Elena heaves a big sigh, knowing that she has to tell Felicity what's going on.
Elena goes to Felicity's dorm room and asks if she knows about Noel. Felicity asks if this is going to be another one of those "he's guy scum" speeches, and the more these characters keep saying "guy scum," the more I think about sperm. I'm sorry, but I had to throw it out there. Let us never speak of it again. Elena says that she thinks Noel is leaving. Felicity is shocked. Elena thinks Noel is going to quit his R.A. position and leave. Felicity asks how Elena knows that. Elena says he told her, and that he had the classifieds. The classifieds? Not the classifieds! Alert the special forces! Felicity wrinkles her brow in thought.
Later, Felicity walks up to Noel's dorm room. We see Noel through the open door, puttering around. Felicity pauses outside the room, unsure whether she should enter, and what she might say if she does. Noel looks up and sees her. Felicity gives him a tight smile and then walks off in slow motion. The camera pans back over to Noel, who flares his nostrils wistfully.
Felicity makes a tape to Sally. She says that she's never broken up with anyone before, and that she wonders if it's normal to feel schizophrenic. Felicity clarifies that one second she feels really sad, and then she gets furious at Noel for what he did, and then she gets guilty about what she did. Meghan walks in and Felicity clicks off the recorder. Meghan sarcastically says, "Hi, Sally!" Felicity gives Meghan the message that her parents called. Meghan rummages around in her bag and asks what they said. Felicity says they left a message confirming their arrival. That gets Meghan's attention, and she yells at Felicity to tell her exactly what the message said. Felicity leans over and plays the message. Meghan's mom's voice comes out of the machine, confirming their arrival the day at noon. Meghan is freaked out, and stomps out of the room. Felicity rolls her eyes, wondering what the big deal is.
Elena, Felicity, and Julie (is she still there? Why?) hang out in Julie's room. Elena is looking for dance music as they listen to a CD at top volume. Noel bursts in and yells, "Do you think you could turn that up a bit?" Halfway through the sentence, he sees that Felicity is in the room and tries to pretend her presence doesn't affect him, but it totally does. Elena asks Noel if he wants a dance lesson. Noel informs them that the music echoes down the hall and actually gets louder. Julie jumps up to turn down the volume, and Elena does a sarcastic dance for Noel's benefit. Don't ask me to describe a sarcastic dance. Okay, it's basically a dance move performed while making a "Suck it" face. Noel thanks them for turning down the music, and glances again at Felicity, who pretends not to notice. Julie asks Noel if he's coming to her birthday party on Saturday. Noel stammers but doesn't answer. Elena says they'll be right outside his room. Noel says he'll try. Felicity continues pointedly not looking in Noel's direction. Noel leaves with a nod. Felicity finally looks at him. Julie asks if it's okay that she invited him, and Felicity lies that she's glad Julie invited him.
Carol (a.k.a. Jane Kaczmarek, a.k.a. Julie's birth mom) wanders through the dorm hallway, looking around. Back in Julie's room, the girls dig into a pizza and discuss clothes. Elena calls Felicity "the sweater queen." Hee! Carol stands in the doorway until Julie notices her and quickly turns off the music. Carol asks if it's a bad time. Felicity and Elena catch on and quickly exit. Julie asks Carol why she's there, and Carol presents Julie with a birthday present. Julie asks if that's the only reason she came. Carol closes the door and says she also wanted to give Julie the truth. Wow, I remember totally not caring about this storyline when this season originally aired, and knowing that Julie leaves and all, I care even less about it now. Anyway, Carol admits that she's Julie's birth mom. Julie cries, and they hug. And I yawn and wonder when Ben is going to make an appearance.
Noel hangs out with Guy, the dude with the crazy blond afro hair. Guy asks how the place will function without Noel as an R.A. Dude, don't build up his ego any more than it already is. Noel is sure the building won't collapse. Guy says, "I mean, Felicity's the one that diddled this other guy. She's the one that should move, man." Noel is in the middle of calling about a new place, and accidentally says "diddle" instead of "apartment." Anyway, he makes an appointment to come and take a look at the place as Guy continues complaining about Noel moving out because he and Felicity "hit a rough patch." Noel says that it's torture, because every time he walks down the hall, he hopes he doesn't see her and he also hopes that he does. Noel accepts some of the blame, saying that when he left with Hannah, he gave up his right to any relationship with Felicity. Damn straight. Also, aw. Scott Foley and Jennifer Garner are getting divorced. Guy says he'll miss Noel, who returns the sentiment.
Julie walks into the loft, all dressed up. Ben tells her that she's wearing "a very, very nice dress." Whatever. Ben adds that Julie doesn't seem that nervous. Julie says she's more excited than anything. Ben asks if Carol's whole family is going to be there. Julie says it's just the two of them. Sean walks down the stairs and wishes Julie luck. As he approaches, we see that Sean has a device on his head. Kind of like a clamp. Ben asks what it's for, and Sean says it's for headaches. That would totally work! I want one. Sean explains that it compresses the head, relieving tension, but that he needs to get a headache in order to test it. He should try watching just the Julie scenes on the first season DVD box set. I'm sure that would give anyone a headache. Ben says he has something to cure Sean's headache (which was an awkward segue since Sean was just saying that he doesn't have a headache), and hands over his rent check. Sean looks at it, and notes that it's not for the full amount. Ben says that he needs to get another job, and hopes to pay the rest in a couple of weeks. Sean says that, some day, he will say no. Ben knows that. Sean asks Julie how he became Ben's dad. I have to say that the Ben/Sean relationship was one of my favorite friendships on the show. Especially in the last season, when they forgot that Felicity and Elena were friends. Ben says that if Sean were his dad, he would have said no. Julie tells Sean that his headache thing is a good idea. Sean says he loves her, and commands Ben to get her a substantial birthday present. Julie tells Ben that if he spends any money on her, she'll just return the gift. Sean tells Ben again to get her a nice gift. Ben grins uncomfortably.
Felicity walks into her dorm room and sees two people sitting on Meghan's bed. She assumes that she's in the wrong room, spazzes out, apologizes, and runs out. That was one of my favorite Felicity spaz-outs of all time. Felicity looks at the room number, and realizes that she was in the right room. She slowly walks back in and smiles nervously. She introduces herself, and the couple reveals that they are Meghan's parents. They are total straight arrows, and not at all what you would expect Meghan's parents to look like, unless you had watched television before. Their names are Walter and Faye, and they've heard a lot about Felicity, or so they claim. Felicity is surprised to hear that Meghan has talked about her. Meghan bursts in and says she's ready. Where the hell was she? The closet? They have walk-in closets? With doors? Meghan is wearing a blue floral dress over a white button-down shirt, a string of pearls with matching earrings, and a headband. And her hair is all one color. And she has very little makeup on. In other words, she looks like a totally different person. Felicity bursts out laughing. When the camera moves out for a wide shot, I notice that Meghan is also wearing white tights and red T-strap shoes. Hee!
Meghan isn't sure how to handle the situation and asks if Felicity met her parents. Felicity says she just did. Walter invites Felicity to join them for dinner. Meghan quickly says that Felicity has plans. Felicity gets a devious look on her face. Meghan tries to prompt her, "You have that thing you were telling me about." Felicity, barely suppressing a giggle, doesn't respond. Meghan grabs something and uses it as a pretense to pull Felicity aside and inform her that Meghan's box is now on Felicity's side of the room. Felicity asks why, and Meghan says there was no more room under her bed or in her closet. Meghan concludes, "And if you look in it, I'll skewer you." Felicity is still trying not to laugh. Faye tells them not to have secrets, and guesses that they're talking about how embarrassed Meghan is to have her parents there. Felicity grins and says, "No, actually, we were just talking about this." She holds up Meghan's box. Faye asks what it is, and Felicity says that it's her "secret box," and that no one is ever allowed to look inside of it, including Meghan, which drives Meghan crazy. Meghan stares at the box like it's going to burst into flames. Faye and Walter look puzzled and concerned. Meghan meaningfully says, "Yeah, how nice that I completely and totally respect your privacy." Felicity rattles the box around and says that Meghan probably wouldn't even care what was in the box if Felicity didn't keep taunting her with it. Meghan gives a forced chuckle. Walter says that they're off to the Met, and Faye asks Felicity to consider dinner tonight. Felicity cheerfully says that she will. Faye stops on her way out and calls back, "Meggy?" Meghan looks horrified and Felicity looks incredibly amused as she continues to hug Meghan's box. Meghan grabs her sweater and follows her parents out the door, but not before giving Felicity one last death look. Felicity sighs and looks down at the box in her arms.
Julie has dinner with Carol at Epstein Bar. They sit in awkward silence. Nothing to say, or too much? Lynn stops by and serves their food. He asks Julie if she wants to play there Friday, because someone cancelled. Julie agrees. Lynn tells Carol that she has to hear Julie play. No, she really doesn't. Julie pretends to be embarrassed, but you know she's loving it. Carol smiles and Lynn leaves. Julie asks Carol when she got married, and Carol says it was 1986, when she was at RISD and her husband Tom was doing an internship. Julie says she can't wait to meet Tom, and Carol's face falls. She says that they have to discuss that issue. Carol gives a big speech about how proud she is of Julie, but that their relationship has to stay a secret because she never told her husband that she had a baby before they met, and she doesn't know if she can tell him now. Julie looks disappointed but agrees, because what else is she going to do?
Felicity runs down the hall and barely makes the elevator. She ends up standing right in front of Noel in a crowded elevator. They exchange greetings, and Felicity says that she heard Noel might be moving. He says, "Maybe." Awkward pause. The elevator stops and some people get out, leaving Felicity and Noel alone together. The doors close and Felicity stares at the numbers, then announces that they aren't moving. Noel says you have to push the button, and does so. Felicity has lived there all year and hasn't figured that out? Or maybe that was supposed to be a metaphor for their relationship? I don't know. Noel looks sweaty and gross. Finally, they reach their floor and say goodbye.
Felicity and Elena make posters for Julie's party. Felicity tells Elena that she almost said something to Noel, and Elena is happy she didn't, because Felicity needs her pride. Has Elena met Felicity? The girl who followed Ben across the country and then continued to repeatedly make a fool out of herself over him? She has no pride. Elena says that Noel was "so wrong" and that Felicity's working to make it okay is pissing her off. Felicity says she's not going to forgive and forgot, but that it's not like what happened with Elena and Blair because Noel was honest about it. Elena asks if that makes it okay. Felicity says it's not, and that she has to deal with it, but that punching Noel is the nose is not the answer. Punching Noel in the nose is always the answer. Elena says that it might make Felicity feel really good, and Felicity laughs.
Julie and Ben talk at the loft. Ben reiterates that Carol wants to keep Julie a secret. Julie sits on the counter cross-legged, putting her dirty shoes on a surface where people eat. Manners! Ben asks Julie why she thinks Carol came back. Julie says Carol claims she felt like she owed Julie the truth, and didn't like lying. Ben points out that this problem seems sudden, since Carol has been lying to her family for years. Julie says it would be hard to bring up after all this time. Ben says that Julie is way more understanding than he is. Sean apologizes for interrupting, but says he needs to know where to take Chloe on their second date. Julie congratulates him on getting a second date, but Sean is flustered because when his first dates go well, his second dates always end in tragedy. Ben tells him to take her to Shopsin's. Sean says he needs someplace more special than that. Julie half-heartedly assures him that it will go better than he thinks, and leaves. Ben watches her go as Sean continues to worry about his date with Chloe, who will mysteriously disappear in, like, two more episodes so I'm not going to bother caring now.
Ben hangs out at Epstein Bar while Lynn works. Lynn is listening to a basketball game on headphones and giving a play-by-play to Ben, who totally doesn't care. Until Lynn reveals that he just won two thousand dollars on the game. Lynn says he has to call his guy, and Ben makes fun of him for having a guy. Lynn says he made twelve grand last season. Should he really be talking so loudly about his profits from illegal gambling in such a public arena? Ben is shocked at the amount. Lynn talks to his guy, Barry, and jokingly demands his money. Ben watches, thoughtful. After Lynn hangs up, Ben asks if Barry is his guy. Lynn offers to hook Ben up, but Ben regretfully says that he can't do it. Lynn basically calls Ben a wuss for not wanting to piss away what little money he has. Or maybe I'm just projecting since I know how this all ends up.
Julie sits in her room, staring at the sweater Carol gave her. She picks it up, and then stares off into space some more. Finally, she stands up and walks out.
Cut to Carol's office. Julie walks in. Carol gets rid of her co-worker so that she and Jule can talk. Julie apologizes for not calling, and then gets interrupted by another co-worker. Carol moves off to answer the ringing phone and says it's really not a good time. Julie follows her and says she wants to discuss the terms of their relationship. Carol looks up expectantly. Julie says that she likes her birthday gifts, but that she feels weird about the way they left things at dinner. Carol says nothing. Julie says they finally got to meet each other, which was great, but then Carol said that it needed to be a secret. Carol says it has to be that way. Julie says that Carol should think about telling her husband, which seems like a demand she is not entitled to make, but I'm not adopted so maybe I just don't get it. Carol says it's not possible. The co-worker comes back and interrupts again, then leaves. Carol thought Julie was okay with what they decided. Julie knows she said that, but says it seems like Carol is ashamed of her. No comment. Carol says it's much more complicated than that. Julie asks why, and Carol's daughter Amanda -- who looks to be about eleven or twelve -- walks into the room and asks if her mom is coming. Carol makes up an errand for Amanda to go on to get rid of her because if she stays, she might get Julie cooties on her and starts singing and playing guitar and wearing stupid sparkly clips in her hair. Amanda leaves, and Carol looks freaked-out. She thought seeing Julie would make things better. Julie doesn't want to be kept a secret. Carol says it's all she can offer, and rushes out.
Felicity sits in her room, staring at Meghan's box. She stands up and is about to open it when the door crashes open and Meghan arrives with her parents. Faye is babbling about some paintings. Meghan looks like she's about to kill herself. She's also wearing a striped Oxford shirt with a sweater over her shoulders. Faye asks Felicity is she likes art. Meghan pointedly says, "Felicity likes artists, Mummy." Faye asks if Felicity would like to see Meghan's "new attire." Meghan says that Felicity's not interested, but Felicity says she totally is. Faye holds up a pastel dress and Felicity says, "It is so you, Meggy." Meghan shakes her head, disgusted. Faye goes to hang the dress up in the closet, and Meghan practically tackles her mother to prevent that from happening, claiming that the closet is really full. Faye suggests again that Felicity come to dinner with them, and Felicity says it would be really fun. Meghan desperately asks, "Don't you have that thing?" Felicity says, "They cancelled that thing, so..." Walter says they can all get to know each other a little better. Felicity considers it as Meghan glares her more evil glare. Felicity says she should probably stay in and study, because "it's like Meghan's always telling [her], I mean, that's what [they] are there for." Felicity compliments Meghan's new dress and leaves the room.
Felicity meets up with Elena in the dorm lounge to study. While explaining something, Felicity keeps getting distracted because she's looking at Noel's door. Elena says that Noel isn't there, because he's out apartment-hunting. Of course, Noel walks up at that moment and says hello. Elena asks if he had any luck, and Noel says he found a great studio. Felicity confirms that he found a place, and Noel says it looks like it. Awkward pause. Noel walks into his room and closes the door.
Ben listens to Lynn talking to Barry on the phone, setting up a bet. Ben asks Lynn about his deal. Lynn says it's looking good, but that Ben only has five minute to place a bet. Ben says he doesn't know if he can do it. Lynn says he can, and adds, "The question is, how wet you wanna get?" I'm remembering why I hated Lynn. Ben agrees to put down a hundred dollars on Chicago. Lynn tells Ben to take New York and kick in another hundred, and Lynn will cover him. Ben agrees to do it, but asks Lynn to keep quiet about it. Lynn yells, "I'll keep quiet about your gambling." Ben says he's serious, and Lynn agrees. He tells Ben they should make the bet for three hundred. Ben sighs nervously.
Cut to Ben anxiously watching the game on television in the loft. Sean walks out and asks Ben how his head feels. Ben distractedly says that it's fine, trying to concentrate on the game. Sean asks who's playing, and Ben tells him to hold on. The announcer on the TV says that Latrell Sprewell made a three-pointer to win the game and Ben celebrates. Sean asks if he's okay. Ben says he is, and that if Sean doesn't mind holding it for a bit, he'd like to write him a check. Sean asks if the phone rang while he was in the shower. Ben says it didn't. The phone rings, and Sean answers it. It's Chloe, canceling on him. Ben asks what happened. Sean says that the computer card catalog crashed again, so Chloe has to stay late. Ben says he's sorry, but Sean claims that it's better, and tries to laugh it off. Ben looks at him sympathetically.
Ugh, Julie is singing at Epstein Bar. They couldn't afford to get all the original songs for most of these episodes, but we get to hear every note of this? Anyway, the camera pans around to reveal Carol listening to Julie sing and dodging the falling anvils because the lyrics are all, "I deserve a little bit of you." The set ends, and Carol tells Julie that they have to talk. Julie says sulkily that she understands. Carol knows it wasn't fair, but that Julie will understand when she hears about it.
Cut to Carol and Julie sitting at a table as Carol explains that she got pregnant with Julie at seventeen, the first time she had sex, and that Julie's father never knew about it. Carol says that her parents were wonderful and supportive as long as she agreed to give up the baby. Carol says that years later, after college and graduate school, she ran into Julie's father again and they had both grown up, so they started dating. And got married. So Carol's current husband is Julie's father, and he doesn't know. Julie says, "You married him, and you never told him about me?" Obviously. Duh! Carol says she wanted to, but that she was afraid and ashamed that she'd given Julie up. Julie says that she wants to meet him. Carol says she can't. Julie says that she's Tom's daughter, and that Amanda is her sister. Carol looks terrified, and says that if he finds out the truth, it has to be on her terms. Julie says that it's not just Carol's life that is being turned upside down. Julie concludes, "God, you know, I can't believe you!" and stomps out. Carol looks like she needs Sean's headache-curing invention. Julie has that effect on me, too.
Richard knocks on Noel's door and asks what's up with the heat. Noel says he doesn't know what Richard means. Richard says his radiator is going crazy. Noel blows it off. Richard says that Noel is being typically irresponsible. He asks why Noel is putting orange stickers on everything. Noel waves him to the desk. Richard walks over and picks up a resignation form from Noel's desk. Noel says that he's quitting and moving out. Richard asks whom he's supposed to complain to. Noel says it's a done deal, adding as he closes his door that everything with an orange sticker is for sale.
Felicity walks by Noel's door and sees the sign for the sale. She continues down the hall and runs into Julie in the mailroom. Felicity asks how things are going with Carol. Julie says it's weird, and asks if they can discuss it later. Felicity agrees, and asks if Julie is still up for the party. Julie says she definitely is, but that she has to go do something right now. Felicity looks concerned.
Felicity gets her mail, and is interrupted by Walter asking if she has a moment. Felicity closes her mailbox. Walter says that he and his wife are concerned about Meghan, because after the way Felicity talked about her box, they became deeply curious. Walter admits that when they were alone in the room this morning, they looked inside the box, and asks Felicity if she would like to explain. Felicity keeps trying to stall by repeating whatever Walter just said. He says they only have Meghan's best interests at heart: "So opening the box and seeing what we did...you can understand our reaction." Felicity tries to bluff, "Of course. It must have been..." Walter fills in, "Shocking." He says they don't want that kind of negative influence on their daughter. Felicity promises to throw it away, and Walter says he doesn't see how she can. He says, "I just want you to consider what we just talked about, and know that we know." Felicity whispers, "Okay. Thanks." Hee!
Julie shows up at the restaurant where Carol is having dinner with her family. Stalker! That's just creepy. She sees Carol's husband, her father (played by Bradley Whitford). The family looks all happy, and Julie just stares at them creepily, and then walks out.
Julie goes back to her dorm room and calls her adoptive parents. Her dad wishes her a happy birthday. Julie lies about where she was earlier. Julie thanks them for the present and everything and starts crying a little bit. Her mom asks if she's okay, and Julie says she's fine. Her mom says they miss her, and Julie says she misses them, too.
Noel hangs up a banner for the party. Yesterday he didn't even know about it and today he's on the decorating committee? Felicity says she saw he was having a sale, and Noel says he wants to take as little as possible with him. Felicity grabs the other end of the banner and helps out. Felicity asks when he's moving, and Noel says his new place is available on Thursday. Felicity is surprised that it's so soon, and tells Noel to have a good move.
Julie's party. People arrive with gifts and soda. Who has money to buy presents and gift-wrap and shit in college? Lewis, the nerd from the Assassins game, tells Noel that they will miss him, and they hug. Lynn and Julie dance across the room as Felicity and Elena watch and laugh. Felicity watches Noel from across the room as they both try to pretend not to look at each other. Julie tells Ben that it's an amazing party. He gives her a box and tells her to open it. She does, and finds a guitar pick. He says he couldn't wrap the rest, and he reaches behind a table and pulls out a new acoustic guitar. Enabler! Julie is shocked. Ben says it's not new, but that it's supposed to have a really great sound and get better with age. Julie says he can't afford it. Ben lies that his dad sent him some more money. Julie hugs him.
Felicity and Elena serve punch. Richard walks up and says it's a bummer about Noel, but that Richard got Noel's watch for fifteen bucks. Felicity strains to see Noel standing across the room. She tells Elena she'll be right back, and walks off. Elena calls after her, "You stay proud!" Felicity reaches Noel, who is talking to Lewis and Guy. We don't hear what Felicity says, but Lewis and Guy immediately walk away when she starts talking.
Cut to Felicity and Noel in Noel's dorm room. Felicity gives an alternate version of the speech Noel gave to her when she was going to leave college. She tells him not to go, because it will disrupt everything, because he's the linchpin of the whole operation. If he leaves, Felicity thinks that Richard will have to find someone else to bug, and Guy will die of loneliness, and Lewis will have no one to admire. Felicity says that Sensa, and Elena, and Julie, and she all need Noel to stay because he's a really good R.A. Noel asks if that's why he should stay. Felicity says that it's because the place is huge and if he moves somewhere else...she trails off. She takes a deep breath and starts again: "Look, I don't know what we are or what we're gonna be or what we were or even what we want. I...There's something unresolved here, and whatever the resolution...if we decide to never talk again or just start over and try one more time, if you leave, we probably won't resolve it at all." Noel swallows hard. Felicity concludes, "So don't go." Noel looks up at her.
Elena brings out Julie's birthday cake. Where do people get money for a cake? Did I just go to a really poor college or something? The song that's supposed to be playing is "More Than This" by Roxy Music, but it's totally not. Lynn gets everyone's attention. Felicity and Noel walk out of Noel's room, and Felicity is all smiles. Lynn says that Ben wants to say something. Ben grins and says, "I'm not that good at making speeches, so I'll just keep it short. Happy birthday, Julie." Wow, that was romantic. Then they show Ben again and it totally doesn't matter because he's just hot. Julie closes her eyes and blows out her candles. Everyone claps. Julie has pink plastic sunglasses in her hair, and it's bugging me. Felicity walks up to the refreshment table, where Meghan (back to her regular type of outfit) has just poured herself a drink in the last clean cup. Felicity asks if there are any more cups. Meghan thinks about it, then hands Felicity her drink, but looks like she's pissed about it. She walks up to Richard and takes the piece of cake right out of his hands. Felicity spies Noel across the room, eating cake. He smiles at her. They stare at each other. Felicity smiles and nods. She looks over her shoulder and sees Ben and Julie dancing together, staring at each other. She walks off; we see that Noel was watching her watching Ben, and he looks disappointed.