Felicity wanders through the stacks in the library, checking out various books on the shelves. She looks puzzled. She finds Donal Logue sitting in a study carrel. She asks him whether there is actually some order to the books, or if it's a form of freshman hazing. Donal calls Felicity "Miss Lavender Sweater, Army Pants, Big Hair," and says that he's working. He appears distracted and maybe a little crazy. He says that this is his workspace, and she needs to go somewhere else. Felicity thinks he didn't hear her, and explains that she's looking for a book. Donal starts babbling about another outfit, and Felicity realizes that he's talking about Noel. Donal says that he was trying to study while Felicity and Noel were making out during finals. Felicity apologizes, and can't believe that he remembers her. Donal tells her to get lost, and points out that he had to change workspaces because someone else was in his space. Felicity looks to the area he indicates, and sees a man and woman kissing. She realizes that the man in the couple is Blair, and the woman is not Elena. D'oh!
Felicity gets dressed while making a tape to Sally. She tells Sally that, in college, people live their lives right in front of you, and you get to see how they eat and sleep. Felicity pauses and adds, "Meghan sleeps butt naked, by the way." Felicity continues, saying that you see people's relationships and who they are kissing, and suddenly you are in the middle of other people's lives, whether you want to be there or not. Or, you could just mind your own beeswax.
At Dean & Deluca, Felicity asks Noel what he would do if one of his friends saw her kissing another guy. Noel thinks that she kissed another guy, and Felicity explains that it's hypothetical. Noel wants to know who she was kissing. Felicity explains again that it's hypothetical, and asks Noel whether he would want to know. Noel says he wouldn't, and wonders why she even brought it up. Felicity says that she saw Blair kissing some girl at the library. Noel asks, "And it wasn't just a goodbye kiss that was supposed to be on the cheek but just accidentally happened to be on the lips? Because that happened to me and my mom once and it was really awkward." Heh. Noel doesn't think Felicity should tell Elena. Felicity says that if it were her, she would want to know. Noel thinks that getting in the middle of these things can be pretty ugly. He gives Felicity a kiss (on the lips, on purpose), and leaves.
Felicity and Elena get some food at the cafeteria. FVO says there's a reason that there's not a phrase like "Guess what" or "Funny thing" that you can use before saying, "Your boyfriend is cheating on you," because that would make it way too easy just to say it. Elena sits down at the table and bitches about some class. She interrupts herself to ask why Felicity is so quiet. Felicity starts out, "Funny thing..." and then stops. She tries again, and starts explaining how she was in the library looking for a book. Another woman joins them at the table, and Felicity is shocked to realize she's the same woman who was making out with Blair in the library. And this woman clearly knows Elena, since they start talking about some teacher they had in high school. Elena introduces the woman as Tara, Elena's "girl from way back." Tara says that Elena has talked a lot about Felicity, and it's good to put a face to a name. Felicity adds, "Yeah, or a name to a face." Elena and Tara don't notice that weird statement, and start talking about all the weight they've gained.
Julie opens a letter in the mailroom and reads it. Cut to her at the loft, telling Ben that she found her birth mother. Julie breathlessly explains that she's been looking for a long time, but now this detective she hired off the internet found her in four days. Julie only had her mother's maiden name to go on, but she's married now, and her name is Carol Anderson. Julie reads the description from the letter, and explains that her mother gave her up when she was eighteen in college. Ben is slightly skeptical about whether or not this woman is really Julie's mom. Julie is completely sure. Ben thinks it's got to be weird for Julie. Julie is just excited. Ben asks what she's going to do now. Julie says she's going to go knock on Carol's door. Ben asks what happens if Carol doesn't want to see her. Julie says, "If she didn't give me a choice when she gave me up, why should she get a choice now?" Whatever, Julie. Why are you still on this show?
Richard and some other guy beat up the candy machine. Noel runs up and asks what's going on. Richard explains that the machine took his money and didn't give up the candy. Noel tells him to stop beating on the machine. Richard complains that Noel said they were getting new machines. Noel says that those are the new ones. Richard thinks that they are junky and used. Noel says that they are actually refurbished and he got a deal. Okay, the RA would so not be in charge of getting new candy machines, but whatever. Richard says that instead of buying one new machine that works, Noel bought two crappy ones that don't. Noel says it seemed like a good idea at the time. Richard tells Noel that he's unfit to be an RA, and that he can't wait until he gets to fill out an evaluation about Noel. As Richard stomps off, Natasha (the Eastern European mafia chick) says that she can help, because her cousin Yuri can get anything. Noel says that they tried that once, and "a kid almost died from Estonian chocolate poisoning." The woman tells Noel that he'll get a cut of the profits from Yuri's machine. Noel wonders if that's legal. Natasha tells Noel to come to her family's warehouse and meet with Yuri. Noel wonders why Yuri can't come there. Natasha says that they always do business the same way -- the family way.
Felicity checks her mail. Did you ever notice that they spend a lot of time checking their mail in the first season and then never again? Blair walks up and says hello. Felicity is so startled that she drops her mail all over the floor. Blair helps her pick it up and starts walking away. Blair asks if they are cool, and Felicity says that she has a class. Blair walks after her and says again, "So, we are cool?" Felicity says that she saw Blair kissing Tara at the library, and that he must have seen Felicity too, which is why he keeps asking if they're cool. Felicity gives him a look of disgust and walks away. Blair asks, "Is this why you're tripping? I wasn't even in the library yesterday." I hate Blair just because he said "tripping." Felicity says that she saw him. Blair says that he really wasn't there, and then asks why, if she saw him, he didn't see her. Um, because he was too busy sucking face with Tara. Felicity says that Blair was turned around. Blair says that she saw the back of some black guy's head, so she assumes it was Blair. Felicity doesn't answer, so Blair says, "Whatever," and walks away. Oh, "whatever" yourself, Blair. Asshole.
Noel tells Felicity that he's glad she didn't say anything to Elena because he's seen these things turn really ugly. Felicity says that if she had never seen Blair with Tara, she probably would have become friends with Tara. Oh, God forbid Felicity become friends with someone who is morally ambiguous. Like, um, Ben in the first few seasons? He did some shady things. The elevator opens and Natasha says hello. Natasha tells Felicity that she could make a lot of money selling her hair. Felicity isn't sure if that's a compliment or what. Noel asks where they are headed, and how many trains they will have to take. Natasha says that they're going to Brighton Beach, and that her cousin has a gypsy cab. Noel gets into the elevator and mouths, "Help me!" to Felicity, who giggles.
At the loft, Julie babbles on and on about which trains she's going to take to see her birth mother, like what is with all the train talk in this episode? Did the Metro Transportation Authority subsidize it? Ben thinks Julie should take a cab, and gives her some money. Julie doesn't want to take his money, so he gives her a kiss and says that she just paid him back. Is Julie a prostitute now? That was kind of icky. Ben says he wants to wish her luck, but he doesn't know if that's the right thing to say. Julie says it will be like meeting an aunt that she's never met. She looks in the mirror and exclaims that her hair looks like crap, and starts pulling clips out, because she looks like she's twelve. You wish, Julie. Ben tells her she looks great, and should put the clips back. Julie asks Ben to come with her. Ben nods and says he will. He holds up the toaster so that she can look in her reflection and fix her hair.
Blair and Elena hang out in the lounge. Elena is wearing the hair band that she thought was a skirt, given to her by Blair. Nice touch. Felicity watches them cuddle and kiss. Blair looks up and sees Felicity staring at them. Creepy!
Noel and Natasha arrive at her family's warehouse. Natasha says that her family worries about her being alone, and she figured that if they see Noel, they wouldn't worry so much. Noel says that he is a good RA, and Natasha clarifies that she told them he was her boyfriend. Noel walks after her and asks why. Natasha says that he's a nice guy, and adds that her family constantly pages her to check on her. Pretending that Noel is her boyfriend will get her family off her back, and it will get Noel a new vending machine, so Natasha thinks it's "a win-win." Noel asks about his self-respect, and Natasha tells him that he'll get it back in an hour. Or a few seasons. Same difference.
Inside the warehouse, a bunch of guys are watching television, smoking, and listening to "That's Amore." Natasha and Noel enter the room. Natasha introduces Noel around, and he gets big kisses and hugs from her family members. Apparently, Natasha told them there was a fire in the dorm and that Noel carried her to safety on his back. Which is funny, because then he did save Felicity from a fire later on. Natasha gets a page and takes off, leaving Noel alone with her family. Noel sits down at the table, where one of Natasha's relatives starts arm-wrestling with him. Noel has these two little humidity curls on either side of his forehead. I used to get those when I parted my hair in the middle and had bangs.
Ben and Julie arrive at Carol Anderson's place. Julie thinks that Carol probably has a maid to answer the door, and then points out that it's the middle of the day, so Carol is probably at work anyway. Ben tells Julie that it's completely normal to be scared. Julie really should have taken those clips out of her hair. Julie says that on Ricki Lake, when daughter and mother meet, they start bawling, and she doesn't want to do that. I know that I also base my life around episodes of Ricki Lake. Julie softly adds that Carol might slam the door in her face. Ben says that there's a pay phone nearby, and she could call first, or Ben could call for her. Julie doesn't know what she would say, because Carol wasn't even looking for her. Ben tells her that she doesn't know that. Julie says that she does, because the adoption agency told her that the only way Julie could look at her records was if Carol was looking for her. Ben doesn't know what to say. Julie decides that she doesn't want to do this, and they leave.
Noel, clearly having had a few shots of liquor, describes how he rescued Natasha from the fire. One of her relatives wants to know how Noel carried her, so Noel stands up and grabs Natasha in a fireman's carry to demonstrate. They all toast Noel's rescue with more liquor. One of the guys forces Noel to eat a sausage or something. Noel pulls Natasha aside and asks where Yuri is. Natasha says that Yuri has jury duty and won't be around until the day. Noel can't believe that Natasha made his stay there for two hours when she knew Yuri wouldn't be there. Natasha thought Noel was having fun. Noel just stares at his sausage. Heh.
Felicity and Elena lie on Elena's bed and talk about Chemistry class. Tara bursts in and tells them to turn on the radio. Elena protests that they're trying to study, but Tara says that it's "[their] jam." Tara and Blair deserve each other, between the "tripping" and the "jam." Tara turns on the radio and she and Elena start doing a dance routine. Felicity watches them and laughs.
Felicity tells Sally she read somewhere that eyewitness testimony is the most unreliable "because of the human factor." Felicity says that she wouldn't bet her life that it was Blair at the library, and Elena seems really happy. Felicity has decided that the truth will eventually out, so she's just going to stay out of it. Yeah, right.
Felicity leaves a note for Noel on a white board on his door. But he opens the door surprising her, and gives her a big kiss. Felicity laughs and asks if he's drunk. Noel says that he kind of is, because Natasha's family likes vodka and sausages, and he adds that Natasha has never brought a boyfriend around. Felicity is confused. Noel admits that he had to pretend to be Natasha's boyfriend in order to get a good deal on a vending machine, and then he babbles about Yuri while Felicity looks at him, bemused. Noel tells her not to be jealous. Felicity says that she's probably supposed to be, but that it's just too sad. Elena walks up and very seriously asks Felicity if she can talk to her. Felicity says, "Sure," and hesitantly follows Elena down the hall. FVO says, "The only time I've ever been to the principal's office was in the fourth grade. This boy kept calling me Fellatio Porter, and even though I didn't know what that meant, I put twenty-seven packets of salt into his orange juice cup. I remember that feeling of walking into the unknown. I think the anticipation was almost scarier than anything else. Almost." I just had to include that quote because "Fellatio Porter" cracked me up. Felicity reaches Elena's room, and sees Blair and Tara sitting inside, waiting for her. Felicity slowly enters the room, and Elena closes the door.
Felicity sits on the bed. Elena paces back and forth and says, "You saw Blair and Tara kissing in the stacks." Felicity timidly asks if that's a question or a statement. Elena adds that Blair said Felicity saw them. Blair clarifies that he said that Felicity thought she saw them. Elena looks pissed. Blair explains that Tara was upset about her breakup, and he was comforting her. He went to kiss her on the cheek, and it ended up on the lips, and he didn't immediately pull away. Elena commands, "Show me." Tara looks horrified. Elena wants them to show her how a mistake like that could happen. Tara thinks Elena is tripping. Tara and Blair really do belong together. Blair and Tara reenact the kiss, without actually kissing. Elena asks Felicity if that's what she saw. Felicity says that she doesn't know. Blair apologizes to Felicity for lying about it, but says that he panicked. Felicity says that it could have been what she saw, and adds that it happened to Noel and his mom. I'm sure Noel appreciates her spreading that story around.
Noel sees Ben getting some food from the vending machine. Noel says that he never pictured Ben as "a Payday kind of guy." Ben asks Noel, "You picture me?" Noel says that he needed something to say, and that's what came out. Ben says that the candy bar is for Julie, and takes off. Noel puts some money into the vending machine. He makes a selection, and nothing comes out. He starts beating on the vending machine.
Julie sits in her room, writing. Ben comes in with the candy bar. She immediately covers up whatever she was writing. Ben says that Julie didn't come by last night. Julie mumbles some excuse, and Ben says that he's been thinking about what happened. Julie says that she just freaked out a little. Ben knows that it must be hard to know where Carol lives, but he thinks Julie should take some time off from the whole thing. Julie asks what he means. Ben thinks that Julie should write Carol a letter instead of showing up at her door. Julie says that she's already started writing one, and pulls out the paper that she hid when Ben walked in. Julie says she's been writing for an hour, and all she has come up with is, "Dear Carol: I've..." Julie is being a huge bitch in this scene, by the way. Ben thinks it's good that she's writing a letter. Julie says, "Ben, look. I've thought about this, a lot, and definitely more than you. So, thank you for your insight, but this is definitely not your problem." Ben asks, "Not my problem?" Julie says that Ben keeps urging her to wait and be sure. Ben says that he cares about her and worries about what happens to her, and wonders what would happen if Julie were to show up at Carol's door, and Carol rejected her. Ben doesn't know if Julie would be able to handle that. Julie pauses and then says that she doesn't know how she would have gotten through all of the Krakow stuff without Ben, and that he was incredible, but that this is different. She turns back to her books, clearly unwilling to talk about it any more. Yeah, God forbid your boyfriend try to prevent you from being hurt. Ben just says, "Okay," and leaves, because his girlfriend has gone insane. Julie wads up her letter and tosses it aside.
Elena sits in the cafeteria, reading. Blair sits down to her and says hello. He shows her two tickets to a Joshua Redman concert, and adds that Elena won't have to talk to him at the concert, since she's obviously still mad. Elena gathers her things together, wordlessly, and starts to leave. Blair asks how long she's going to keep "kicking [him] to the curb." Why can't he talk like a normal person? Elena kisses Blair on the cheek, and says it will take until she can get the picture of him and Tara kissing out of her head. Burn! I hope Noel is around to rescue Blair from the fire that Elena just started with that burn.
Julie knocks and enters Felicity's room. Felicity says that she hasn't seen Julie in forever, but she's just about to run out to a study session with Elena. Julie asks Felicity why she makes tapes to Sally instead of writing. Felicity says that it's easier to express what she's feeling when she talks, and she doesn't censor herself like she does when she writes. Julie asks if she can borrow Felicity's tape recorder. Felicity asks what's going on. Julie says that it's a long story, and that she'll tell Felicity after class tomorrow. Felicity picks up her tape recorder and tells Sally that she has to end the tape early, because she's loaning the recorder to Julie. Felicity holds up the recorder so that Julie can say hello, then closes out the tape. She pops it out and hands Julie the recorder. Then there's, like, five totally unnecessary minutes of Felicity zipping up her backpack, putting on her coat, and leaving the room.
Noel talks to Yuri at the warehouse. Yuri says that Natasha likes Noel, so Yuri will give him a high-tech vending machine. Yuri compares the machine to "a fine woman -- you give her money, you pull her knobs." Ew! Natasha agrees with me. Yuri says that Noel can pay for the machine with a cut of his profits, and that it will take about a year. Noel appears relieved that the whole process is over. Yuri hands him a beer, and they toast the new machine. One of the guys from the other day walks in and calls Noel over. Noel thinks the guy wants to arm-wrestle again. The guy says he knows that Noel is not Natasha's boyfriend. Noel tries to deny it, but the guy says that he knows his little sister. Ah, he's Natasha's brother. I didn't get that earlier. He explains that he knows that Noel must be a good friend to pretend to be her boyfriend. The guy wants to arm-wrestle again. Noel beats him handily and everyone laughs.
Julie picks up Felicity's tape recorder and, after a few false starts, begins talking to Carol. Julie explains who she is, and that she's been searching for Carol for a long time. She says that she's had a pretty good life so far. She loves her parents, and is a freshman in college, majoring in music. Julie says that there's always been something missing. She tells people that it's a hole, but it's more like a question that remained unanswered. Julie says that she looks in the mirror and wonders where her brown eyes come from, or why her nose turns up at the end, or why she loves guitar, or why she can eat three candy bars per day and not get fat. Julie says she doesn't want anything from Carol, like money, but she wants to meet her, even just once, so that she can "finally see [herself] reflected in someone else." Julie concludes that she wonders if Carol ever thinks about her too, and concludes, "Thank you for my life." I guess that was supposed to be touching, but it did nothing for me.
Elena and Felicity study. Elena says that she never thanked Felicity for staying out of the Blair situation, because she probably wouldn't have believed him if Felicity had told her about it first. Felicity asks if Elena has forgiven Blair, and Elena says that she has. Felicity asks about Tara. Elena says that Tara made a mistake and apologized, so it's over. Felicity thinks that's big of her. Elena says, "If you can't trust your friends, who can you trust?" Felicity looks up sharply, obviously thinking about something. She stands and excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Elena tells her to use a paper towel to open the door, because she saw a thing on Oprah where they found "traces of semen" on seven out of ten door handles. Felicity asks if Elena just said "traces of semen." Elena confirms it. Felicity looks disgusted. As you do.
Felicity walks among the stacks while mysterious music plays. She spots Donal Logue, sitting at his usual study carrel, talking to himself. Felicity walks by, then reconsiders and walks back. Donal says that he's working, and starts listing off what Felicity was wearing last time he saw her. Felicity asks him about the two people who took his space after her. Donal describes Blair. Felicity asks him if Blair and Tara ever made out in his space before that. Donal says that they did it three times. He goes on to describe what they were wearing each time. Felicity walks off as Donal babbles on.
Felicity returns to the study table, where Elena asks if she can look at a door handle the same way. Felicity sighs, and Elena asks what's up. Felicity says that there might be an explanation, but she's pretty sure that what happened between Blair and Tara wasn't a mistake. Elena is pissed. Felicity apologizes and explains that she wasn't totally honest earlier. Elena says that if Blair said it was a mistake, then it was a mistake. Felicity explains about the weird guy in the stacks who saw Blair and Tara making out on multiple occasions. Elena asks if Felicity is saying this because they are friends. Felicity nods. Elena asks how close their friendship really is, and points out that Felicity has never been to her house, and that Elena has never cried in front of her, and that Felicity wasn't in the hospital when Elena's mom died. Elena adds that Tara has done all of these things. Felicity says that she's just trying to be honest about what she saw. Elena says that believing Felicity means that Tara is lying to her face, and Elena can't do that. Elena gathers her things and stomps out.
Elena, Tara, and Blair sit in the lounge. Tara makes a joke about Elena's last boyfriend. Blair says that he's bald by choice, and Tara says that he chooses to keep telling himself that. Elena gathers her things together. Blair asks where she's going. Elena says that she has a meeting. Blair asks what time they are going to the concert. Elena is kind of noncommittal, clearly distracted. Tara gives Blair a look like, "What's up? Does she know?"
Felicity and Noel hang out in his room. Noel reads a manual for his new vending machine while Felicity reads over his shoulder and blows in his ear and stuff. That would be so annoying. Noel says he thought she was supposed to be in the library. Felicity says that she was supposed to study with Elena, but Elena didn't call. Felicity adds that she didn't call Elena either. Noel says that Felicity was honest, so she can't be mad at herself. Felicity says that she thought she and Elena were better friends than that. Noel gives Felicity a kiss and goes back to his manual. These two haven't had sex yet and they are hanging out, alone, in the middle of the day, reading a vending machine manual together? Yeah, that's a hot relationship.
Some guy answers phones at Anderson Design. Julie walks in and asks where Carol Anderson's office is. The guy tells her to go upstairs. Julie slowly walks up the stairs. There is another receptionist up there. Julie asks where Carol Anderson's office is. The receptionist asks Julie if she's there for the internship, and starts to hand her an application. Julie stammers out a protest, but just then Carol Anderson (played by Jane Kaczmarek) walks up and collects her mail. Julie checks her out and stares at her longingly. The receptionist says, "Helloooo?" Julie grabs the application and runs out. At least now we know where FOX looks for people to star in its sitcoms. We've already seen Donal Logue and Jane Kaczmarek. Who's ? Topher Grace?
Noel walks up to his new vending machine, puts in some money, and makes a selection. His candy gets stuck on the coil and won't come out. Bitches.
Elena sits in her room, thinking. She gets up and picks up the phone to call Blair. She tells him that she can't go to the concert because she needs to study. She tells Blair to go to the concert anyway. He agrees pretty quickly. She sighs and says she'll see him tomorrow, then hangs up.
Julie knocks on Ben's door. He answers, and they stare at each other for a minute. Ben reluctantly lets her in.
Felicity and Noel are napping together on Noel's bed when there's a knock at the door. I can't believe they haven't had sex yet. They are napping together. Alone. On his bed. And no sex. And neither of them is like a devout Christian or something. They're not even making out! They're fully clothed! They should have known right then that their relationship was doomed. Anyway, Felicity answers the door to find Elena standing there. Elena softly says that she knows she doesn't have the right to ask much of Felicity right now, but she wonders if Felicity would come out with her for a while. Felicity, still a little asleep, asks what's going on. Elena says that she just needs company right now. Felicity asks for a minute. Elena waits outside, looking like she's about to throw up.
Felicity and Elena sit on a parked car outside the concert, waiting. People start to exit the concert, so Elena sits up and watches more closely. Blair walks out alone. Elena smiles. Not so fast. Tara walks out, and hugs Blair from behind. Blair turns around and kisses her. Definitely not by accident. Elena's face falls as she watches them. As Blair and Tara walk out, we hear Sally's tape to Felicity. Sally says that she hopes it won't destroy Felicity's image of her, but that she cheated on John once. It was six months into their relationship, with an ex-boyfriend, and it made her realize why she broke up with him in the first place and why she loved John so much. Sally says that John never would have found out about it, but Sally felt so guilty about it that she told him. Sally thought that an affair could only destroy a relationship, but from that moment on, she never lied to John again. Sally concludes that sometimes going through hell in a relationship just makes it stronger, and the same might be true of friendships. Elena puts her head down and starts crying. Felicity moves over and puts her arm around Elena. Hey, that shot is in the credits! Elena puts her head on Felicity's shoulder, and we fade out.