Felicity makes another damn tape for Sally. As a recapper, I'm pretty glad that they got rid of this device, because it's kind of boring to type over and over. Anyway, as some sexy jazz plays in the background, Felicity tells Sally, "It was perfect. Just perfect." We pan down to see the perfection of Ben and Felicity sitting on a couch in Ben's loft, eating chips and salsa while studying. Ben stares at Felicity until she notices. She says, "What?" He says, "Don't move," and starts leaning towards her. She thinks he's going to kiss her, but instead, he wipes some salsa from her lip. They both laugh. Ben thinks that his paper is pretty good, but the spell check on his computer isn't working, so Felicity offers to run it through hers. He thanks her and hands her the disk. Felicity makes to leave; Ben offers to walk her downstairs, but she says he doesn't have to do that. He walks her to the door and they awkwardly pause. So much sexual tension! Finally, Ben reaches behind her and opens the door and she leaves. FVO says, "Perfect, right? I should have known."
"Save Tonight" by Eagle Eye Cherry plays as Felicity inserts the disk into her computer. Ben's paper appears on her screen, and Felicity starts reading. She runs the spell check, but then she starts making changes that are not related only to Ben's spelling. Felicity highlights an entire passage, deletes it, and then types an entirely new passage, smiling to herself. Cut to Felicity handing in both papers without Ben's ever seeing her changes.
Felicity and Julie get a meal in the cafeteria. Felicity describes her study date with Ben, lamenting that nothing happened. Julie thinks it was meaningful that he touched her teeth, and asks the cafeteria worker for her opinion. The cafeteria worker opines that "teeth are the most sensual part of the human body," and then starts relating a story about a friend and her husband, before realizing that it's probably too much information. Felicity and Julie giggle as they carry their trays to a table.
Krakow walks up behind Julie and Felicity, and tells Julie that she can't even think of blowing him off or canceling. Julie smiles and says that she wouldn't do that. Krakow explains that he had a dream that she did. They smile at each other some more, and Krakow takes off. Felicity asks Julie how things are going with Krakow; Julie says that they are going well, and that they are going to see some Russian movie. Felicity has seen it, and tells Julie that the movie is five hours long, and is about "a group of people trapped in a space station, speaking Russian, slowly, for five hours." Julie is suddenly not so excited about seeing the movie. Felicity says that she passed out watching it. Julie is worried that she won't understand the movie, and that Krakow will think she's a moron. Felicity tries to comfort her, but Julie isn't having it, saying that she can't go.
Elena knocks on Knoll's door; when he opens it, she blurts, "You're on my list." Knoll is confused (as usual), so Elena explains that she is being harassed because Knoll "violated a student-RA confidence." Knoll still doesn't get it, so Elena explains that some girl just started singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" to her in the bathroom, proving that everyone knows about her and Blair. Knoll says that he doesn't care about her and Blair. Just then, Blair walks up to say hello. Elena says that she has a class and tries to duck out, but Blair wonders whether he may come around later so they can get something to eat. Elena curtly says, "Cool. Four o'clock," and jets. Blair asks Knoll whether Elena is always like that, and Knoll says that she is.
Felicity, Julie, and Ben sit in English class and listen to a lecture. The professor (who is listed in the credits as "Regalsky," so I'm going with that) calls on Ben, who says that his hand wasn't up. Regalsky says that's why he called on Ben. I hate when professors do that. Ben struggles, and Felicity rescues him by blurting out the answer. Regalsky continues with his lecture. Ben looks stunned. Julie asks Felicity what that was about, and Felicity says she doesn't know. Felicity surreptitiously tries to look over at Ben to see his reaction to her interruption.
After class, the students pick up their graded papers. Julie and Felicity compare notes, and both are happy with their grades. Ben goes to pick up his paper, too, as Julie makes a comment to the effect that Regalsky got her Liz Phair reference. Ben can't find his paper. Regalsky comes out and asks to speak with Ben. Felicity warily watches Ben walk into the room.
Regalsky waits until Ben is in the classroom before shutting the door. He tells Ben that if he has suspicions about a student's academic performance, he prefers to deal with it within the department. Uh oh. Regalsky holds up Ben's paper and asks whether Ben has anything to say before the questions begin. Ben wonders, "You didn't like my paper?" Regalsky says the problem is that he liked it very much.
FVO explains that she was only trying to help as Felicity watches through the window while Ben tries to explain his situation to Regalsky. They must have been really proud of the shot of Ben talking to Regalsky while you can see Felicity's reflection in the window, because they stay on it for a really long time. Finally, Ben walks out, and Felicity asks what happened. Ben says that Regalsky is keeping his paper. Julie asks why, and Ben explains that the English department is going to start some kind of investigation because Regalsky thinks Ben didn't write it. Ben looks sick to his stomach, and hurries off. Felicity stares after him, guilt-stricken. Man, doesn't Felicity know anything? When you write a paper for a friend, you never make it as good as you possibly can! If your friend was able to write that good a paper, he would just do it himself. And you always let them read the paper over before handing it in, so that you can explain it to them in case they get questions about it. Not that I've ever done such a thing. It's unethical. What are you looking at?
Felicity, Julie, and Ben discuss the matter in the cafeteria. Julie wonders how Regalsky can accuse Ben of cheating. Ben says that Regalsky said the paper was inconsistent with Ben's work; Ben doesn't think it's fair that he's being punished for doing better. Julie wonders why Regalsky didn't keep her paper. Ben replies, "He said he was suspicious because it was an 'A' paper. What a dick!" And there we have the first of many times that Ben will call someone a dick. Funny, I thought it didn't happen until later in the season, because I remember being shocked that someone could say "dick" on network television. Julie points out that Regalsky was picking on Ben in class, too. Ben asks Felicity whether there was something wrong with the paper; Felicity plays with her food and doesn't really answer. Julie has to leave for class, but advises Ben to fight this. Ben says he's going to talk to his counselor, and leaves, too. Felicity takes off after him.
Felicity catches up with Ben in the hallway. He asks what's wrong, and Felicity blurts, "I rewrote it." Ben is incredulous. Felicity explains that she was just trying to help, and that she changed some things. Ben yells at her, "What! Things?!" Felicity tries not to cry. Ben wants to know whether it had anything to do with the questions Ben was asked in class. Felicity doesn't answer, and Ben asks how she could do that. Felicity starts crying and offers to tell Regalsky that it was her fault. Ben yells, "Just get away from me! Get! Away from me!" You know, typed out that line sounds really movie-of-the-week, but in the context of the scene, it worked. Ben takes off and Felicity looks sickened.
Elena walks into the mailroom. Blair approaches her and says he won't take it personally. Apparently, Elena stood him up for their date. Blair wants to get some coffee, but Elena begs off. Blair tries to get her to hang out with him later, but Elena makes an excuse and walks away. Blair calls after her, inviting her to some club the night, adding that if Elena doesn't show up, he won't bother her again. Elena smiles but doesn't say that she'll go. I would root for Blair here, but I know what happens later in the season, so I just can't.
Knoll can't believe what Felicity did. Am I surprised that Knoll is judgmental? No, not at all. Felicity asks him not to make her feel any worse. Yeah, that'll happen. Knoll says that it's serious, and Felicity explains that she's going to talk to Regalsky first thing in the morning. Knoll tells her not to move, and walks out. Felicity waits in her room, and Knoll returns holding the RA handbook, saying that the one chapter that he was forced to read was "all about cheaters." Felicity denies that she is a cheater. Knoll warns her that plagiarism is a big deal in college; it will definitely lead to a suspension. Felicity can't believe that would happen to her just because she rewrote a paper. Knoll says it will affect her and Ben. Felicity says that it will be fine, but Knoll tells her that if she doesn't handle it right, she'll be in real trouble. Felicity asks what he suggests. Knoll tells her not to do anything, and that he'll see what he can find out. Felicity looks concerned.
"Drive" by R.E.M. plays as we see Ben sitting in a bar, looking very angry. Cut to Ben walking into the dorm and knocking on Felicity's door. When she answers, he asks whether she's talked to Regalsky yet. She admits that she hasn't, and he tells her not to, because he's going to take care of it himself. Ben asks Felicity for the essay. Felicity slowly turns to get the disk. She asks him what she's going to do. Ben says he's going to say that he wrote it. Felicity doesn't think that's a good idea. Ben responds, "I don't care what you think. I don't want your advice and I don't want your help." Felicity points out that it's her fault, but Ben says it's not, because he trusted her to turn in his essay. Ben leaves.
Ben reads the essay in his loft as it rains outside and Michael Stipe sings. Ben tosses the essay onto the table and puts his head in his hands.
Knoll meets with some sort of dean; he looks and talks like James Earl Jones, so I'm going to call him DJEJ from now on. DJEJ says that cheating is serious business, and asks Knoll whether he ever goes on the internet. Knoll says that he has his own web page, like DJEJ cares. Also, Knoll's website would benefit from some usability testing. I'm just saying. ["Wow, it's even worse now than the last time I visited it! Flash sites are such a bad idea. Er. Anyway. (God, we're geeks.)" -- Wing Chun] DJEJ tells Knoll that you can purchase term papers on the web. Knoll nervously explains that "this person who is concerned with cheating" wants to know what the process is. DJEJ replies that cheating of any kind is unacceptable, and Knoll butt-kissingly agrees. DJEJ tells Knoll that a quarter of all graduating seniors acknowledge some kind of academic impropriety, and DJEJ wants that percentage to change. Knoll mumbles something, like, shut up already, Knoll! You're just making it worse. DJEJ wants the name of the person Knoll is talking about, but Knoll says he's not comfortable giving up that information. DJEJ asks whether it's one of Knoll's advisees; Knoll lies that it isn't, but explains that it's a friend who's concerned about another friend. DJEJ states that sometimes you have to "step up and take your medicine." Knoll wants to know why DJEJ is telling Knoll that. DJEJ suggests that Knoll tell the friend that if he or she gets caught, DJEJ will make an example of that person. Good one, Knoll.
Knoll tells Felicity that it's a disaster, and that Ben will have to face a tribunal. Knoll explains that if Felicity admits that she wrote it, even if she admits why she did it, both she and Ben will get in trouble. If Ben says that he wrote it, he'll get grilled by a tribunal. Felicity agrees that it is a disaster. Knoll says that Felicity has to talk Ben out of it, but Felicity thinks that Ben hates her guts. Knoll says that he would, too, sort of, which Felicity already knows. Knoll advises Felicity to get someone else to talk to Ben, someone to whom Ben will listen. Felicity looks at Knoll imploringly, and Knoll adds, "Someone who's not me." Felicity begs Knoll to do it.
Julie enters a video store to find the Russian movie. The clerk tells her that it's playing at a nearby theater. Hey, it's Finch from American Pie, looking much less anal-retentive here. Julie claims that she's renting it for afterwards, in case they miss something. Finch assures her that she'll do fine, and gives Julie a phrase to bring up in the discussion. Julie pretends that she doesn't know what he's talking about, but Finch guesses that she's dating a film-school guy and pretty much nails every detail about Krakow. Finch hypothesizes that first they saw some '70s standard; now they're moving on to something more serious, and Julie isn't sure she's up to it. Julie is freaked out by the accuracy of Finch's assessment. Finch tells her that it's "a standard freshman courtship ritual," and reminds Julie that Krakow is trying to impress her, so she shouldn't worry. Julie says that she wishes there were CliffsNotes for the movies, and Finch says that's what he's there for. I think Julie should've dumped Krakow and started dating Finch. It would've saved her a world of trouble later on.
Elena gets onto the elevator just as Felicity is getting off. Elena needs to talk to her, so Felicity gets back on the elevator. Once the elevator starts moving, Elena reaches out and pulls the elevator stop button, then turns to Felicity and says that she needs her advice. Felicity is surprised that Elena wants her advice. Well, who's she supposed to go to -- Knoll? Clearly not. Elena explains that she had her life figured out, including men. She keeps it casual, and when she wants a relationship to end, she just squashes it and kills it dead. Felicity asks, "And then you eat it?" Heh. Elena asks whether Felicity's mocking her, and Felicity says she's not sure she understands the problem. Elena explains that she spent the night with Blair, and now he (horrors!) wants to continue seeing her, and she can't "kill it dead." Felicity theorizes that maybe Elena doesn't want to, and that she should consider the possibility that she might enjoy dating him. Elena is stunned. Felicity starts the elevator up again, and asks that Elena not kidnap her the time she wants to talk.
Sean and Ben sit in the loft. There's a knock at the door, and Sean tells Ben to get it. Man, Sean was really insufferable in the first season. Ben opens the door to find Knoll there. They make some small talk, but Ben doesn't invite Knoll in. After a few awkward pauses, Knoll asks to come in, and Ben consents. Knoll compliments the loft. Sean tells Knoll about his new business idea, which I think is "marzipan boxers," but I can't really tell due to the quality of the tape. Knoll walks over to Ben and starts out by saying that he knows it's none of his business, and that they don't really know each other, but that Felicity told him about Ben's strategy, and Knoll thinks that it's dangerous. Ben curtly says, "I'm glad she told you about this whole thing." Knoll says that Felicity didn't know what to do. Ben thanks Knoll but doesn't want his help. Knoll says that he talked to DJEJ without using Ben's name, and asked what would happen. Ben defiantly says that he won't get kicked out over this. Knoll explains that if Ben gets caught, at the very least Ben will get suspended for a year. Ben wonders why Knoll cares. Knoll says that Felicity cares, so he does. Knoll continues, saying that even if Ben doesn't get kicked out, something will go on Ben's record, regardless. Why are people so scared about their record? Do I have a record? Does that ever come up again after high school or college? Do potential employers ask to see your disciplinary record? No. They never do. ["Possibly it's part of your transcript? Then again, I have a feeling Ben doesn't plan to pursue graduate scholarship." -- Wing Chun] Ben wants Knoll to tell Felicity that he got the message. Knoll protests that Felicity only wants to help. Ben says that he doesn't want her help, and that he wants Felicity to leave him alone. Knoll says, with all respect, that he doesn't think Ben can fool the tribunal. Ben yells, "You're wrong! And Felicity is crazy! And I'm busy, trying to learn all the stuff I wrote in my paper." Ben walks away. Knoll flares his Knollstrils. Sean babbles about his marzipan, and Knoll leaves.
Julie watches the Russian movie. She stops the tape when there is a knock at her door. It's Krakow, so she keeps the door closed halfway so that he won't see what she's doing. He gets suspicious, but keeps babbling about the movie. She finally gets him to leave, and shuts the door.
Heather Nova sings as Felicity sits in a chair and waits for Knoll to return from Ben's loft. Knoll finally arrives, but we don't hear what he tells her because of the singing on the soundtrack. FVO says that tomorrow morning, Ben faces off against Regalsky and two other professors. Whatever Knoll told Felicity, she doesn't look too happy about it.
Felicity sits in a hallway in the academic building. Julie runs up and asks whether Felicity has seen Ben. Felicity says that she hasn't, but that she did see Regalsky and the head of the English department. Julie tells Felicity again that she needs to convince Ben not to do it. Ben comes around the corner, and Felicity runs up and says that he needs to let her take the blame. Ben doesn't want her to say anything. Felicity says that it doesn't make any sense. Instead of responding, Ben sharply asks her a question about something she wrote in the paper. Felicity answers, and Ben prepares to enter the room. Before he can, Felicity tells him one more time not to do it. Ben opens the door and enters the room. Felicity and her gigantic gray mock turtleneck sweater look disappointed.
Inside the room, a professor asks Ben to define "irony." Isn't this a scene from Reality Bites? Ben says that it's complicated. Felicity watches from outside. Julie comes up and asks how he's doing. Felicity says she can't tell. Knoll appears out of nowhere, like, don't these people have classes to attend once in a while? Knoll asks whether Ben is in there already, and then asks to speak to Felicity privately. Julie asks Felicity whether she's okay, and then says that she'll be in her room and takes off. Knoll tells Felicity that DJEJ called him, convinced that Knoll wrote the paper, and trying to scare him into confessing. Knoll says DJEJ told him that once the disciplinary board gets involved, they review a student's entire record, including application information. For those of you who missed the earlier episodes, Felicity says she doesn't understand why that's important, even though the rest of us figured it out immediately. Knoll explains that Ben lied on his application essay, and that if the administration finds out, Ben's going to get expelled. Felicity asks what she's supposed to do, and Knoll tells her to go in the room and tell the truth. Felicity considers this, and then looks into the room. Knoll says that he's a big believer in the fact that the truth comes out eventually. Felicity looks at Ben again.
Inside the room, Ben is explaining some critical point. He finishes, and asks whether that answered the question. Regalsky says that it does, but none of the professors seem to be giving him any indication of how well he's doing. A professor asks Ben the same question Regalsky asked him in class. Ben haltingly answers, basically giving the same answer that Felicity gave in class. The other professors look at Regalsky, who asks another question. Ben struggles to come up with an answer, and apologizes. Outside, Felicity whispers an answer, trying to send it to Ben by the force of her will. Ben suddenly looks up and says that he didn't write the paper. Regalsky asks who did, and Ben claims that he bought it from some guy. Felicity walks into the room and says that she wrote it. Ben sighs heavily. Regalsky asks her whether she wrote it. Felicity explains that she rewrote it, even though Ben didn't ask her to, and that she turned it in without telling him. Regalsky states, "You rewrote Ben's paper without his asking you." Wow, nothing gets by that guy. Felicity confirms it, and Regalsky asks why she did it. I would've said, "Look at him! He's hot! I wanted him to love me!" Felicity hesitates, and Ben blurts, "Because I'm stupid! Obviously, that's the answer, all right? She read my paper and it wasn't good enough, so Ben Covington's an idiot. All right, that's the lesson for today." Ben picks up his things and storms out.
Felicity waits for Ben outside his loft, at night. When he finally shows up, she tells him that she made sure the professors knew he had nothing to do with it, so if anyone gets expelled, it'll be her. Ben asks why she did it, and wonders how bad his paper was. Felicity says that it wasn't bad, but that she's a geek and she wanted to get him a better grade. Felicity tells him that he had a million friends in high school, and was good at sports, and popular. She only had her classes, and she knew how to take tests and write papers. She never should have assumed that he needed help when he didn't. Felicity concludes, "The last thing I ever wanted to do was to make you feel anything less than amazing." Ben thanks her. Felicity doesn't know when to let it go, and tries to continue the conversation, but Ben walks away.
Elena walks out of the elevator, reading. Does Elena spend all her time in the elevator or what? Blair is standing there with Chinese food. Elena gives him some excuse about a reserved reading. Blair starts babbling about some guy he met at the Chinese food place. Elena claims that she apologized, but Blair points out that she didn't. Blair gives some big speech to the effect that he likes all the different things about Elena, except that she pushes people away because she's scared she might like them. Wow, the actor playing Blair is pretty bad. He may as well be reading cue cards for the lack of inflection in his voice. Elena denies that she does that. Blair hands over the food and walks away. Elena watches him go, and smiles.
Julie and Krakow walk out of the movie, and Julie claims that she loved it. Krakow asks her whether that's counting the times her eyes weren't actually open. Julie says that she didn't fall asleep, and then realizes that she did. Krakow tells her that the movie is endless. Julie confesses that she rented the movie so that he wouldn't think she was an idiot. Krakow admits that he fell asleep himself, and says that it's not a big deal. Julie points out that he really likes movie, and Krakow replies, "I really like you." Again, hard to get sentimental when I know what's going to happen later.
Felicity walks into a classroom where Ben sits alone. They don't speak. Regalsky enters and explains that they debated whether or not to go to DJEJ. Regalsky felt that it was more a matter of poor judgment, so neither of them will be expelled. Felicity thanks him. Regalsky says that they will both fail the paper, which will have a severe effect on their final grades. Regalsky says that he read Ben's original paper, and that Ben would've gotten a B. Felicity sighs.
Outside, Ben walks down the street. Felicity calls his name and catches up to him. Felicity apologizes again. Ben tells her that it's okay, and then leaves. Felicity stares after him as he walks down the street in slow motion.
Another Heather Nova song plays as Sally's voice-over begins. SVO says that she's been camping out in the desert by herself, because things with Emmett were going too fast and she needed to clear her head. Shot of Julie and Krakow watching a video together, all snuggly. SVO says that it's interesting what Felicity did for Ben, because Felicity has these expectations for what she wants him to be, which is normal. Ben takes a book off the shelf and starts reading. SVO says that she has the same expectations for Emmett, which isn't fair, because "he isn't perfect; he isn't John." Elena reads a book while her uneaten Chinese food sits to her. SVO says that she was reading a poem, and wondering whether it is harder to count on someone, or know that you are the one counted upon. Ben eats a candy bar and gazes upon Sean's latest invention. SVO quotes the poem, which is by W.H. Auden: "If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me." Felicity walks down the street in the rain. SVO asks Felicity whether she's ever read that one, and says that it's one of her favorites. Heather Nova sings that she'll give us her heart and her shoulder as Felicity walks alone down the darkened streets of New York.