A few things to get out of the way:
1. My wonderful gift DVD player has made my recapping life -- oh, who are we kidding? It's made my life so happy and pleasant. 'Scapers are the best.
2. My cell phone is programmed to ring with the Farscape theme song. I'm a geek.
3. Here we are with season two's sails unfurling. I must warn that I both love and hate this season. But first, the love.
Jumping right into the action, we see a threatening ship energizing its guns with pretty red electric currenty things. It reminds me of the Exploratorium exhibit that makes your hair stand on end. The camera zooms all desperate and cockeyed into Moya, getting a glimpse of Chiana poking her windblown head around a bulkhead as Pilot announces that the Sheyang vessel is getting ready to fire. Do you think her hair naturally grows that way or do you think she uses product? I think it's the former, which means those follicles of hers are on serious acid. Oh, God, speaking of follicles on acid, I just remembered "Taking the Stone." Man, I pity the recapper who... fuck. That'll be me. "Stah-burst," Rygel splutters breathlessly, "Stah-burst now!" Pilot replies that Moya can't because she isn't ready to starburst. She's much more in the mood to skittle. Chiana wails at Zhaan to do something. Yes, Zhaan will fix things. Zhaan will always...fix...things? Zhaan is standing in the middle of the chamber, her hands up, palms facing us. There's a psychotically peaceful look on her grinning face as she assures Chiana, "D'Argo, he can help them. He can talk to them." Chiana grabs Zhaan's face in her hands and tells Zhaan that D'Argo is gone. "No D'Argo, no Aeryn, no Crichton," Rygel informs us. Chiana runs across the listing floor and says they're all going to be dead in a few microts. "D'Argo can save us," Zhaan keeps insisting, "He can, he has to save us." Boy, the lighting on her face and the bobbing camera make Zhaan look like a funhouse clown. Very creepy. The Sheyangs fire. "D'Argo, we need you!" Zhaan speaks into her wrist where I assume she has pinned a communicator brooch, but given her state of mind, I wouldn't be surprised if she was trying to communicate via her vesicles. Moya is hit, Rygel rocks around, Chiana screams, and pipes steam smoke. Zhaan screams maniacally for D'Argo.
Elsewhere, Zhaan's calls for D'Argo translate into Crichton's less urgent, "D'Argo. Shake it off. Come on, Rock, get off the canvas, you can do it. Rise and shine. Up and at 'em. Break through." The flat, bored tone of his voice tells you he's been trying to rouse D'Argo for awhile now. Sure enough, Crichton mutters that "this" is getting old and wishes D'Argo would at least talk in his sleep. Suddenly, D'Argo gasps and thrashes up, asking wildly, "What would you like me to say?!" Crichton puts a hand on D'Argo's heaving chest to calm him and says, "Whoa -- what about 'great to be back'?" D'Argo, panicked, asks if he was away. Sure as hell was. He was out for days, but Crichton lost track of time. Crichton wants to know if D'Argo knows who he is, if he recognizes him. Of course D'Argo does but he does not recognize where they are. "AM I DEAD?!" D'Argo bellows. Before Crichton can answer that, while he himself might exist all celestially lit with halos and blue nightgowns in other people's heavens, they aren't actually dead, D'Argo grabs Crichton around the back of the head, shaking him and bellows again, "AM I DEAD?!" Crichton seriously assures him that he isn't dead, which D'Argo finds hysterical. Once he recovers a bit, he asks why the hell they aren't dead. Aeryn found them, scooped them out of space, brought them to their current location, and then took off to do some grocery shopping. "This rock scores a nine on atmosphere but only a two on food and water," Crichton explains. "We have a lot to thank her for," D'Argo says in that ponderous tone that never fails to remind me of Klingons talking about honor, mass murder, and their version of Hamlet. Crichton agrees.
On some abandoned landing strip, Aeryn gives Talyn a call. Crais responds, asking what took her so long. There isn't a big enough font for how dun-dun-DUN! that is. Aeryn explains that she can't always get away on schedule, "Don't forget I have to give Crichton a reason for my absence." More duns! "He still has no knowledge of our...arrangement?" Crais asks archly. He makes it sound like they have a Max and Rebecca DeWinter "arrangement" where Rebecca can have all kinds of sex with her gay cousin in a beach shack as long as she doesn't drag Manderly's name through the mud. Aeryn confirms that Crichton is in the dark. Crais thinks it might "facilitate" matters if Crichton were told the truth. "No," Aeryn interrupts. "Eventually, you'll have to," Crais reminds her. "Only when it's too late for him to interfere," Aeryn says and hangs up, rubbing her forehead. And the duns just keep flying!
Back at the abandoned mine, Crichton asks if D'Argo's memory is okay. He was without oxygen long enough to scare the nice and tight pants off Crichton. This bit of emotional information is delivered along with an appropriately manly punch to D'Argo's arm to de-sissify the whole thing. The last thing D'Argo remembers was the Gammak base being destroyed, "A magnificent sight." Crichton agrees and confirms that Moya got away. "But Talyn," he adds. "'Talyn'?" D'Argo repeats skeptically. "Moya's baby," John tells him. "Awful name," D'Argo says, repulsed. Of course he wouldn't like a name that Aeryn chose. Crichton tells D'Argo that Crais kidnapped the newborn ship. "We should NEVER have let him live!" D'Argo announces. "Yeah, I know," Crichton says in a fatigued can-we-get-past-this-already? tone. The command carrier is still in the area, Aeryn's spotted marauders in the asteroid field, but the Peacekeepers haven't located them yet. "So, now we have to evade Scorpius, and then we have to find Crais, remove him from Talyn --" D'Argo breaks off, annoyed, "Who the yotz named him Talyn?" His face is all screwed up in disgust. "I did!" Aeryn announces, marching in, "After my father." She tosses a crinkly metallic bag of food at Crichton. I guess she found a vending machine somewhere. "Aeryn," Crichton says pointedly, "Check who finally woke up from his little siesta." "Yes, I have eyes, Crichton," Aeryn says, making herself busy with other things and not looking at either of them. "I have eyes as well," D'Argo breathes, all lover-like in his appreciation, "And they're very pleased to see you alive." Aeryn angrily holds his gaze for the briefest of moments and continues fussing around. Crichton asks what her deal is. She explains that all she found was a little water, so she has to go right back out again. D'Argo thinks if the asteroid is so Motel 6, maybe they should consider moving. Crichton agrees. Aeryn doesn't. She says it's the only asteroid that can hide them from the marauder patrols. Crichton argues since D'Argo is now awake, they get up in the prowler and signal Moya to come pick them up. Aeryn reminds him that they don't even know if Moya is in range and they can't outrun a command carrier, so they have to stay hidden. More arguing about how long Scorpius can go on looking for John before he tires of it. Crichton knows that Scorpy wants him bad, real bad, so he's not going to give up anytime soon. D'Argo announces, "When the prowler's fuel runs out, we starve. As John once said, 'I would rather go down on a swing --'" Crichton contorts his brow for the briefest of moments as he tries to figure out where swings come into it all before correcting D'Argo in an undertone, "'Swinging.' That you want 'to go down swinging.'" "Swinging," D'Argo corrects himself, also in an undertone. I'll never be able to do justice to some of the interplay between these characters, but the line delivery here is incredibly natural and perfect. It's one of those little touches that really makes this show work on a very basic level and also convinces you how well the entire cast clicks. I mean, the chemistry between Browder and Black is undeniable, but the chemistry between Browder and Simcoe is almost as powerful and satisfying. In a totally different way, of course. I mean, I find D'Argo's chin extension so phallic that I really don't need that image in my head, you know? They argue some more before Aeryn shrieks at them to shut up, "If not for me you'd both be dead, all right? So stop fighting me!" Girl's got a point. Crichton gives D'Argo a look like, "Something's going on here" as he slaps a canister of something into the Luxan's hand. D'Argo's look answers back, "I know, but we can't get it out of her yet."
Moya seems to have survived the Sheyang attack as she soars through space. Chiana, much calmer then when we last saw her, tries to get Rygel to eat. I know! Rygel going for more than five minutes without something in his mouth is Hynerianorexia! Rygel's sudden loss of appetite is because, as Pilot explains, Moya is returning to the asteroid field where she last saw Talyn. She insists on looking for her son despite the risks. Rygel announces loudly that a Peacekeeper command carrier is slightly more than a "risk." Pilot informs them that he and Moya think they can get into the asteroid field undetected. Chiana reminds him that they are still defenseless. Not, entirely, Pilot corrects her. "Humph! As good as -- all we have is that antiquated defense screen we took from the wreck of the Zelbinion," Rygel reminds them as the camera spans over to show a junk of wires sitting in a dark corner. Chiana wants to know if that "pile of dren" is even functional. Rygel will have DRDs get to work on it. DRDs happily respond with flicks of light and zooming noises. I want one. I'll bet they're dead useful in the kitchen. Pilot placidly continues that Moya doesn't understand their distress since they might find Aeryn, Crichton, and D'Argo along with Talyn. "If they could have gotten out, they would have by now," Chiana says with angry tearfulness and walks out. Yeah, see, at this point we don't actually know how much time has passed between the events of the finale and now. Especially since there was all that monkeying around with the air date of "Dream a Little Dream." In fact, knowing the events of "Dream a Little Dream" helps explain why Zhaan is acting so overly pollinated.
Command carrier. Scorpius' personal attendant pushes a button on the side of his head and his lightstick container spins out. It sort of looks like the canister used in drive-through banks. I loved those things. Of course, they weren't all covered in squidgy red brain lumps and strands as this is. Scorpius winces with black lips and teeth. Dude needs some SERIOUS chloride treatments. The attendant removes the red lightstick and replaces it with a blue one. The canister spins back in, vapor collecting around it. Hey, look at that -- Scorpius has his own definition of "letting off steam." A male voice announces, "Four patrol ships still report nothing, sir." He sort of falters over the "sir" but since it's Brick-a-Braca, we don't know if it's the shock of seeing his boss loaded up with lightsticks or because he's already so much in love with Scorpius that his breath naturally catches in his throat every time he gazes on his beloved's wrinkled, skull-like face. Braca goes on that there's no trace of Talyn or Crichton, "Nothing." Scorpius glares at him and says he comprehends the meaning of the word "nothing." Man, if I worked for him, I'd have serious breakdowns every time he glared. And then I'd write a book called The Devil Wears Latex. Scorpius wonders if it was a mistake to pull back and let the rogue prowler rescue Crichton after he ejected himself. Braca reminds him that he had little choice. "Oh, true, he would have chosen to perish rather than be saved by us, but --" Scorpius yanks Braca close to him, " -- the prowler eluded capture and continues to." Their faces are very close. Braca stammers around his boner that in an asteroid field that size they may never find the rogue prowler. "Time for a change of tactics," Scorpius singsongs. And for a change of pants for Braca.
Talyn drifts in the asteroid field. Inside the ship, Crais orders, "Talyn, stop this senseless behavior! Your mother has gone, do you understand? Moya has abandoned you!" Crais is such a dick. Talyn flashes lights and makes sad bloopy sounds. Crais demands to know what he is doing and then orders him to power down his engines at once because leaving the protection of the asteroid field is suicidal. "I know you detest all this hiding. You're a gunship, a warrior!" Crais growls proudly, "You want to move, to fight, but you're not yet strong enough to take on a command carrier." Aeryn walks in, presenting us with the human parallel to Talyn, the ship she christened and helped nurture as an embryo. She, too, is a warrior who detests hiding and would rather fight than hide. But she has grown up in a year and realizes there are some battles that cannot be won. She also discovered that the more emotional connections you make, the less you want to go down in a deadly blaze of glory. Talyn, however, will never really be given a chance to grow up and know any emotional connections aside from Aeryn and Crais. Therefore, he is doomed to go down in a deadly blaze of glory. My, that got frightfully English major-y. I'll try and control myself in the future. Crais tells Aeryn, "He's going berserk -- talk to him!" The father turning in frustration to the mother in order to have her deal more gently and effectively with their child is clearly evident here. I wonder if Crais would have the same issues if Talyn were a girl. Come to think of it, is it just because Talyn is all testosteroned up with guns and armor that he is considered a boy? Usually all ships are given the female pronoun but then again, we are in the UT, so anything goes I guess. Smilingly, Aeryn affectionately runs her hands along a ceiling bulkhead -- something Daddy Crais failed to do -- and asks calmly, "Talyn, what's the matter?" At the sound of her voice and the touch of her hands, Talyn immediately bloops more calmly. "Show us," Aeryn says in response. More bloops. "There's no reason to be afraid, I'm here," Aeryn assures him. She then adds, "So is Crais." They want to help him. Talyn bloops more happily. Aeryn again asks to see what is upsetting him. There's some clicks and whirring. "Communications," Crais determines. Aeryn joins him at a console and notes, "Broadband transmissions -- random noises mixed with distortion spikes." "Scorpius," Crais concludes. Aeryn goes back to touching Talyn. Again smiling, she tells him the noises are meant to scare him and to make him run. "Talyn," Crais instructs severely, "Don't play into the hand of your enemy. Remain right where you are." Crais looks over at Aeryn and adds, "You're brave enough to do that, aren't you?" He's tempered his tone to be a bit more encouraging and gentle. Talyn lets off a stream of cooing bloops as he shuts down his powered-up engines. "Very good, Talyn," Aeryn smiles. Crais asks Talyn to excuse them for a moment. Her hands off Talyn now, Aeryn tells Crais that D'Argo is awake, and he and Crichton are both itching to leave. Crais steps up very close behind Aeryn, who doesn't seem to mind it. Or maybe she just doesn't notice. Standing slightly behind Aeryn, Crais props his arm on a bulkhead (the standing version of the arm slung over the top of a couch) but it's not clear if he's actually touching her. Aeryn tells Crais not to even suggest abandoning D'Argo and Crichton because that wasn't part of their arrangement. "We can't leave just yet," Crais says, infusing the "we" with suspicious intimacy and ownership. Crais explains that Talyn is too young, he hasn't any weapons yet, he can't starburst, and he keeps ignoring his commands. Aeryn smiles fondly and sort of inclines her head toward Crais'. "Can't command a leviathan, you can only persuade," she explains. Crais reminds her that as Talyn is part-leviathan, part-Peacekeeper, he is designed to take orders. Aeryn turns to face Crais. Again, they are standing oddly close together in a way that implies more than just an attempt to get them both in the shot. Aeryn asks Crais to let her talk to Talyn, "Alone." Crais refuses gently, "I'm willing to share command of Talyn, I will not relinquish it." Aeryn smiles softly and seems to be looking at Crais's lips. What the hell is going on and why didn't I ever pick up on it before?
Back on the asteroid, Crichton teaches D'Argo Rock, Paper, Scissors. D'Argo laughs heartily and announces that he wins again. Crichton corrects him; his paper wraps D'Argo's rock. Dirty. D'Argo argues that paper can't possibly beat rock, "Rock rips through paper!" It's a sound argument. Crichton tries to explain, but D'Argo tells him it's "unrealistic," which just makes me giggle so hard. "Well, it's the RULES, and it's not supposed to be realistic it's supposed to be ENTERTAINING!" Crichton says, neatly summing up Farscape. D'Argo mutters that his coma was more entertaining as Aeryn stalks in, angry and incommunicative. Finally grabbing her by her sweat-slicked arm, Crichton spins Aeryn around and asks her quietly how many times they've saved each other lives. She's lost count but agrees it's more than once. "Right, and how many times have you and I been close?" Crichton asks. Aeryn darts a look at D'Argo and furrows up to John, whispering, "Just the once." BAMP! That's for the American audience who didn't get the originally cutting of "A Human Reaction" that clearly showed Crichton and Aeryn the Morning After. Crichton ducks his head away from D'Argo's interested gaze, pulls on his ear, and mutters, "Not that kind of close." "Oh, um, FRIEND CLOSE!" Aeryn says loudly, "Yes, um, more than once." Now come on, writers -- if that's what he meant, why did he say "how many times have we been close"? Because there's no other interpretation of that, really. It's a pretty awkward way of asking, "how many times have we been friends." Why not just, "how long have we been close"? I know he really meant the friend thing and they were trying make a funny out of it, but I think it was an unwieldy way to dialogue it. They could have found another way to make sure the U.S. audience knew about The Sex. Crichton points out that they should be at a stage where they can trust each other and he thinks Aeryn's holding something back. He wants her to look him in the eye and tell him he's wrong. She can't. She walks away, not facing them, and says they aren't going to like what she has to say. "In order to save your lives, I had to make a deal with Crais," she begins. "WHAT?!" D'Argo bellows. See, after Moya starbursted, Crais signaled Aeryn with coordinates of an asteroid with an oxygen atmosphere. She never would have found it on her own and Crichton and D'Argo were close to suffocating. So, they didn't have oxygen in the prowler? Or did she lasso them and tow them through space to the oxygenated asteroid? How did she retrieve them anyway? Does the prowler have a mouth-like opening that can scoop things inside? Oh, right: not realistic, entertaining. Aeryn says that when Moya left, Talyn got upset and stopped obeying Crais, so she helped calm him down and started coaching him to obey Crais. "Oh, well, that makes sense," Crichton says laughing mirthlessly, "You're helping Talyn obey the man who KIDNAPPED HIM!" Aeryn yells back that she didn't have another choice. D'Argo thinks she should have let them die. Aeryn disagrees quite loudly. D'Argo's most concerned that Talyn has weaponry and now the Peacekeepers are in possession of that weaponry. More yelling. Aeryn finally shouts, "I told you you wouldn't like what I had to say!" "Well, I don't!" Crichton agrees. "Neither do I!" D'Argo adds. Heh. "Yeah, well, it's all we have," Aeryn almost sneers at D'Argo. "No, it isn't," he says and tongue-lashes her into unconsciousness. That trick never fails to entertain. Can you imagine what the Klingons would do with a feature like that? They'd start Klingon Kamps for tongue strengthening and probably graft weighted spikes on the end of it to make it a more effective weapon. Of course, to tongue-smack someone would be without honor.
Crichton and D'Argo plan to get Talyn away from Crais. Crichton comments that Aeryn is going to be majorly pissed off when she wakes up. "It was a time-saver," D'Argo dismisses and then announces he's going to be the one to break Crais. "D'Argo, you couldn't break wind right now!" Crichton argues. They both owe Crais and they both want their pound of flesh. They look at each other for a moment and then rock-paper-scissors it. Crichton's scissors beat D'Argo's paper, so Crichton takes off.
On Moya, Zhaan continues to go bughouse and refuses to oblige Chiana by talking Pilot out of going back to the asteroid field.
The mining rock. Aeryn sits on the floor and rubs her neck. She tells D'Argo that without Crais' help, they'll never get out alive. D'Argo doubts that Crais plans on letting them escape at all even if, as Aeryn says, Crais no longer considers himself a Peacekeeper. D'Argo points out, "If he has deserted the Peacekeepers, then his loyalties lie only to himself, which makes him even more dangerous, not less." D'Argo is like the old man in the Sesame Street cartoons who sits on a hill and doles out bon mots all day. He's very wise.
Talyn. Crais scrambles a communiqué and asks for confirmation. "Scramble confirmed," Scorpius purrs, "Proceed." D'oh! Crais starts to talk about Talyn, but Scorpius doesn't give a rat's ass about the shipling and just wants to know where Crichton is. Crais doesn't know. Aeryn still doesn't trust him enough to tell him. Not wanting to be diverted from his favorite subject, Crais brings up that Scorpius' "spurious" transmissions panic Talyn and make reaching out to him even harder. Scorpius paces around his dark red room and tells Crais that he was late in getting back to him, so he concluded that Crais was incapacitated, therefore, he attempted to retrieve Talyn. His interest in the gunship lies only with using it to get to Crichton. "Deliver Crichton to me, and I will allow you to keep the gunship," Scorpius drawls. Crais requests that Scorpius "demonstrate some of the formidable patience [he's] always bragging [he] possess[es]." Scorpius calmly tells him that is patience is indeed formidable, but it isn't endless. Scorpius is so cool.
Crais talks encouragingly to Talyn about Scorpius not wanting him and how he, Crais, and Aeryn are all in the same boat and should trust each other. At the end of this speech, Crichton jumps into view with Wynonna. "Crichton!" Crais exclaims. Crichton drops his gun and holds up his hands in mock apology, laughing, "I know, I know, sorry. You know, I should've CALLED but I was in the NEIGHBORHOOD, thought I'd DROP in, say hi." His neck is all bulgy and angry, which makes his practically whispered delivery of "say hi" even more genius. Crichton steps into Talyn's command center and hisses, "How ya doin'?" Crais demands to know where Aeryn is and if he's harmed her. Crichton splutters over Crais asking him that and wants to know if Sebaceans have a word for chutzpah. They do, it's "Aeryn." Crichton checks out Talyn and makes vaguely threatening comments in Crais' direction. Crais tells him that he's unarmed but that Crichton should be warned because Talyn regards him as a friend. Cocking his head with interest at Crais, Crichton says, "Interesting. I heard that you had a long way to go in that department." "I have; nevertheless I believe that he would react badly to my death and retaliate by killing you," Crais responds. Crichton points out that if Crais is dead, Talyn is out of his clutches and he considers that a fair price. Crais tells Crichton that neither of them wants Talyn in Scorpius' hands. Finally, Crichton asks just what it is Crais wants. Crais wants to escape and go deep into the UT where he can reexamine his path. "You wanna have a mid-life crisis?" Crichton asks, "Fine, just ditch the firm, head off to Maui, shack up with a supermodel, but YOU DO NOT GET TO KEEP THE PORCHE!" How much of that do you think Crais actually comprehended? If the translator microbes didn't throw a syntax error at "Maui," they definitely gave up the ghost at "supermodel," and they fritzed the fuck out at "Porche." "You do not get the keys to Moya's baby," Crichton finishes quietly. "Talyn, intruder," Crais says calmly. Guns swing around in Talyn's perpetually flowing mist (what's that about anyway? It is Talyn's breath, or something?) and point at Crichton, who grabs Crais to use him as a shield. He presses Wynonna to Crais' neck and tells him, "You're about to lose your head, now tell Talyn to put away the toys." Crais just says, "Talyn," and Talyn retracts his guns. "Now open the hatch," Crichton orders. Crais raises one hand and the doors open. Cool. Crichton says they're going to go for a little ride. Talyn bloops and trills after them.
Moya. Rygel is woken from his nap as his hover Rascal is thrown backward into bulkhead. Pilot needlessly explains that Moya is accelerating. She heard a transmission from Talyn broadcasting that he's in great pain. Chiana joins Rygel and says that Moya is in "full lunatic mother mode." "She'll blunder right into Scorpius' bad teeth," Rygel agrees. Chiana quietly wonders about the two of them escaping on Crichton's Farscape 1 module. I guess it's probably fair of them to assume that Zhaan's got her stamen so far up her pistil, she wouldn't even notice if Moya got shot out of space. Pilot hears and seethes a bit. No one seethes like Pilot seethes. Rygel muses over Chiana's suggestion and reminds her that there aren't many hospitable planets around. Pilot growls in his chamber. Chiana whispers that Pilot and Moya didn't abandon them during Zhaan's trial, so they should stay. "Stupid though it may be," Rygel agrees. "There is a transport pod available should you not wish to accompany us," Pilot points out primly. Chiana snaps her head up and pretends they would never think of leaving them. Pilot scoffs quietly with curled lip. If Pilot can be said to have lips.
Command carrier. Scorpius and Braca have a back and forth which makes it clear they sent out the Talyn distress signal to trap Moya.
Moya approaches the asteroid field. Pilot announces that they are nearing the point of Talyn's transmission but there's no sign of him. "Any other ships around?" Rygel asks. "None," Pilot scans, "Wait, a prowler!" Pilot says the prowler is changing course to intersect with theirs. "It's been a thrill, Your Frogness," Chiana says dejectedly to Rygel, who responds, graciously, "May your afterlife be almost as pleasant as mine." Pilot notes that the prowler hasn't initiated any communications, not even back to its command carrier, and is maneuvering as if it wants to dock. "You don't think..." Rygel gasps. "No," Chiana says firmly, "It couldn't be." She then tells Pilot to let the prowler dock and runs off.
The prowler docks. Chiana takes cover with a gun. The docking bay doors slide open and Crichton, dragging Crais, saunters in. "Yo, Chi!" he calls, "Whaddup?" The music swells happily. "STAY where you FRELLING ARE!" Chiana screams. The music peters out pathetically. No, seriously, it's like the entire orchestra just gave up, and instead of stopping crisply in unison, you can hear a few half-hearted horns blow their last notes in the growing silence. Crichton's face falls. "How do I know it's you?" Chiana asks. Crichton offers his birthmarks up for inspection. Chiana might take him up on that but wants to know why he didn't signal. "'Cause the bad guys might be listenin'," Crichton explains as if to a child. Chiana, gun still raised, asks what Crichton's doing with Crais. "What, this guy?" Crichton asks, giving a glowering Crais a big kiss on the top of his head, "Putting this guy back in his cell!" He shoves the manacled Crais to the ground and looks at Chiana, waiting. Chiana stares, gasping, before jumping up and flying at him. Literally, flying. She's like a grey Sandy Duncan. I do believe in fairies, I do believe in fairies, IdoIdoIdo! Chiana gasps and giggles and hugs Crichton. They spin around together as Crais lies patiently on the floor. A DRD raises its little gun and moves closer to Crais' head, as threatening as a kitten on wheels can be. Crais eyes him, annoyed. Hee.
Crichton visits Zhaanaloon's lair, greeting her with, "Hey, Blue." Zhaan just sits there, her arms partially raised, her palms facing the sky. "Hey, darlin,' can you hear me?" Crichton asks, stepping in front of her. "Certainly I can hear you, John," Zhaan says calmly, "I can always hear you." Crichton "uh-huhs" unconvincingly and asks if she's okay. "Perfectly," Zhaan says. Chiana peers around the corner and watches them intently. Zhaan says she's not at all surprised to see him and then apologizes for shouting at him. Crichton laughs slightly and tells her it's okay. "Um, when exactly was that?" he asks. "On Litigara. I accused you of not being there for me," Zhaan tells him steadily, her eyes wide, "I realize now that wasn't true." Crichton carefully says that he doesn't think he's ever been to Litigara but he's there now. "Yes, your spirit is with me, flesh is unimportant," Zhaan agrees. "It's kinda important," Crichton says. I agree: Crichton flesh is veeeeery important. Zhaan tips her head at him. Crichton starts laughing uproariously and says he's not dead. "She thinks I'm dead," Crichton confides nervously in a laughing aside to Chiana. Chiana smiles cautiously, knowing what's coming. Crichton promises that he's real. "Yes, John, you always will be to me," Zhaan says as she puts her hand to his face and ear fucks him. We haven't seen that since the premiere, right? Guess she only pulls it out for life and death occasions. John falls to the floor and gasps. Zhaan goes back to her praying posture, and we can now see she has crystals in each hand. After a moment, John gets to his feet, digging into his ear with his finger. I guess eargasms are itchy? John asks what the hell is going on. Chiana relays that Pilot thinks nothing wrong and just that Zhaan has resumed the Delvian Seek. John asks if she thinks this is normal. "You tell me -- you've seen more Delvians than I have," Chiana points out. "You think that's a help?" John asks. Hee.
On the Rock, D'Argo plays Rock, Paper, Scissors with himself and gets frustrated when both hands keep throwing the same thing. He's so endearingly thick at times. Aeryn tells him they're running out of food, so he should conserve his energy. D'Argo would rather die sooner than later if he's to die on the asteroid and invites Aeryn to eat him if he dies first. "You don't look ripe to me," Aeryn responds calmly, closing her magnificent eyes. Crichton enters and tells them to hop on board. Pilot comms Crichton -- boy, it's been fucking long since I typed that particular verb -- and says that Talyn is about to leave the asteroid field.
PK Command Carrier. Braca tells Scorpius that Talyn is leaving the asteroid field, and Moya is pursuing. Scorpius wants the Command Carrier to follow them at a discreet distance, "They must not see us until they are too far from the asteroid field to hide again." Braca protests that they won't be able to follow Moya if she starbursts. Scorpius patiently explains that she won't starburst because Talyn can't. Scorpius gives the orders that he wants Crichton alive but cares for no other prisoners. Coals on Braca's head.
Moya zooms. "Spar-KY!" Crichton calls, striding into the Center Chamber with D'Argo. Rygel gasps. Rygel gasps some more. Rygel keeps gasping until it becomes apparent that there's actually something wrong. Crichton looks at D'Argo, who shrugs and says, "Even I am pleased to see you" to Rygel. Rygel continues to gasp wordlessly. "Are, uh, are you not well?" D'Argo infers, raising a finger in an "a-ha" gesture. Crichton asks if he needs a "Hynerian Heimlich" and goes over to perform just that. He jerks the puppet around. HANDS ON THE PUPPET! "Fine, I'll be just fine," Rygel says weakly but starts gasping again at the site of Aeryn. "Slight case of the intons," Rygel explains. Aeryn explains, slightly puzzled, "It's a Hynerian airway seizure caused by very strong emotions." Crichton and D'Argo start laughing. Crichton didn't know Rygel had strong emotions in him. "Other than greed, of course," D'Argo adds. "A simple reaction to the shock of seeing you all again," Rygel says in dignified tones. Didn't Chiana tell him they were back? I mean, Crichton went to get Aeryn and D'Argo, you'd think Chiana would have spread the news. Even if it was just to Rygel. Not realistic, entertaining. Not realistic, entertaining. Not realistic, entertaining. It could almost replace "om." Pilot comms that it is good to have them back aboard. Crichton tells Pilot they missed him. "Very much," Aeryn adds and asks about Talyn. Talyn is distraught and continues to flee and ignore Moya. Aeryn asks Moya's permission to try and contact Talyn. Once permission is granted, Aeryn tries to explain to Talyn that he doesn't have to run and that she genuinely cares about him. "At least let me know that you can hear what I'm saying," Aeryn says, a bit frustrated. Crichton lightly grabs her arm and whispers she might want to give it a rest, "Poor kid's confused, he doesn't know who to listen to." Aeryn doesn't think Moya's chase is helping matters. Crichton decides to have a talk with Pilot.
Pilot tells Crichton that Moya doesn't want to let Talyn get any further from her. Crichton finally backs down saying, "Maybe Mom really does know best."
Aeryn visits Moody Blues, who is now making things chime by waving crystals around. she'll be playing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Boudong" on wineglass rims. Zhaan tells Aeryn that she's pursuing some phase or another of the Seek and adds, "I love you." Aeryn: "What?" "I love you," Zhaan repeats. Aeryn jumps up half-groaning, "Ooh, yes, I did hear it the first time." Aeryn stutters a bit, but Zhaan interrupts her with, "I love all living beings. The Seek has reopened my eyes to the wonder of the spirit. I am now going to redevote my life to it." I ran into someone at the Berkeley farmers' market who said the exact same thing! I wonder if Zhaan also smells like an exotic mixture of patchouli and tofu and screams when people buy white bread instead of sprouted wheat. Aeryn nods, "Well, I think that's...really selfish, actually." Her voice shaking with suppressed emotion, Aeryn tells Zhaan to look around her big blue ass because Moya and Talyn are freaking out and are in danger. Zhaan pauses in her chiming and says that worldly things don't interest her any more. Aeryn shoots back if that's the case, Zhaan needs to shut the fuck up about how she loves Aeryn. Zhaan's face contorts slightly but she visibly regains control and starts to explain, "Love in its most rarified sense --" "Too rarified for me," Aeryn snaps, "I'm just an ignorant warrior who believes that love means you're willing to fight and die for your fellow living beings." Zhaan watches Aeryn storm off. She tries to go back to chiming, but the crystal just sounds out crashes and disharmony, showing her shattered peace of mind.
From inside his cell, Crais taunts D'Argo for being an atypical Luxan, "You left your military service to raise a family upon a rural planet." D'Argo growls at Crais to spare him his disapproval. Crais doesn't disapprove, however, he himself grew up in a farming community until the Peacekeepers dragged him into service. "My wife was a Sebacean, tell me you approve of that," D'Argo challenges him. Tell me why D'Argo's even bothering to visit Crais. Crais agrees that he doesn't approve because all Sebaceans abhor interspecies mingling, however he blames that abhorrence on Peacekeeper training. "As such, it needs to be questioned, re-examined," Crais notes. D'Argo sourly observes that a containment cell is a good place for reflection. Enthused, Crais agrees, citing Zhaan's initial pursuit of the Delvian Seek during her incarceration aboard Moya, "But I cannot stay here. Talyn needs me." "Too frelling bad," D'Argo retorts and adds that he's going to have to get used to the idea that he's never getting aboard Talyn again, regardless of his promises to keep the shipling out of Peacekeeper hands. Crais asks if D'Argo was happy before he was imprisoned. "Happier than you can ever imagine," D'Argo says. "Then I envy you," Crais says. Huh?
Command Carrier. Braca notes that both leviathans are decelerating. "Either they have no plan whatsoever, or they are about to implement one, which isn't immediately apparent," Scorpius determines. Brilliant, dude. I guess that kind of smarts is why you get to wear the flappy beetle wings. Scorpius tells Braca that their response will be the same in either case. Braca tentatively looks at him. "Overtake. AND ENGAGE!" Scorpius finishes angrily.
Moya. Aeryn and Crichton dash into the Center Chamber. Pilot confirms that the Command Carrier is upon them and nearing firing range. "Scorpius," Crichton shakes his head, "He just can't live without me." Don't let Braca hear you talk like that. He'll kill you if you try anything. Talyn powers up his cannons. Pilot announces that Talyn is aiming at Moya. Talyn fires. Talyn tells Moya that was a warning shot. He has demands. He wants a captain because he is afraid and doesn't know what to do about the Command Carrier. "Oh, like we do?" Chiana squeaks. Shut up, Chiana. Pilot says Talyn insists on guidance. "Ouch, well let's get that boy some guidance before he turns into a full-blown Menendez brother." Aeryn takes off but stops when Pilot adds that Talyn is specifically asking for Crais. Aeryn and Crichton scream about this. Talyn will fire again unless he gets Crais. Moya refuses to do any evasive maneuvers because she doesn't think Talyn will fire. Crichton orders the defensive screen up just in case. It shimmers patchily up, Talyn fires, and the screen shatters down again. Crichton flings Chiana out of the way as the defense screen whosiwhatsit explodes all over the Center Chamber.
After what would have been a commercial break, the defense screen hisses and steams. Crichton bitches, "Man, haven't you people heard of fuses?" Pilot, smartly ignoring yet another of Crichton's Undecipherables, comments, "Moya's unhurt, but the defense screen is out." Another blast will really hurt Moya, and the Command Carrier will be trolling their neighborhood soon. Aeryn strides off to escort Crais to Talyn. "And then what?" Crichton argues, "we leave Talyn in Crais' control?" "His and mine, I'll stay aboard Talyn with Crais," Aeryn says. Crichton doesn't like this idea at all and wants to know how long she plans on doing that. "For as long as necessary to protect Talyn. He's very intelligent, John, once he matures he'll no longer want a captain," Aeryn explains. Crichton starts to say, "Yeah, but in the meantime --" Aeryn interrupts that she'll be there to mitigate any Crais damage. Crichton doesn't think Crais will go for that. "Yes, he will. He's already offered to take me with him," Aeryn admits. An oboe tweedles down slowly. Crichton walks closer to Aeryn and asks if she'd really do that. Aeryn doesn't think she has a choice. Crichton tells her there are always choices. "The only other choice is death for everyone, Talyn included," Aeryn insists. Crichton's face jumps around, "Well, I'm not gonna let you go with him." "There isn't another solution," Aeryn says sadly. "There has to be," Crichton grits. "We're out of time," Aeryn says brokenly and walks off. Crichton says her name once. She stops. But we cut to Crais, so we don't get to know what, if anything, was said.
The doors to Crais' cell open and Crichton calls, "Your nephew wants to see you." Crais calmly clears his throat and walks out, "I knew he would. Eventually." Crais looks at Aeryn and tells her to make her choice. He nods over at Crichton. Aeryn smiles a bit and says she wants to go with him. Crais makes a smug little speech to Crichton about how this is beneficial for everyone except Scorpius. Aeryn looks like she's about to cry. Without looking at Crais, Crichton tells him that he doesn't like the plan and never will, so he better behave himself with Talyn and with Aeryn. He now turns to Crais, "Because if you hurt either one of them, I'm going to hunt you down..." Crais is amused by this, "That would complete the symmetry nicely, wouldn't it?"
With Crichton trailing sullenly behind, Crais and Aeryn march off to Moya's docking bay. Crichton stops just behind Aeryn. As if she feels his eyes like a hand on her back, Aeryn turns around to look at him. "Last time we stood here, we didn't say goodbye," Crichton says softly. "But it wasn't goodbye, as it turns out," Aeryn reminds him, all welled-up around the eyes. Crichton and Aeryn each put a hand up and interlace their fingers. It's more intimate than a kiss. Over by the prowler, Crais provides levity by looking thoroughly sickened by the display. "Here's hoping history repeats itself," Crichton murmurs. Aeryn holds his look and then turns to Talyn. Crichton steps back and allows the bay doors to close in front of him, separating him from Aeryn.
Crais flaps aboard Talyn, announcing their return. The both give Talyn some orders, and Talyn responds by raising something up from the dry ice suffused floor. Aeryn asks what it is. It's the God Machine. "It's the Hand of Friendship," Crais tells her, "It's the greatest honor it can bestow. The chain-linked metal arm waves around. Crais wipes his mouth -- drooling already, is he? -- and asks Talyn who it's for. Talyn bloops deeply then shines a big spotlight on Crais. Aeryn looks ruefully disappointed. Crais looks beatific. "Thank you," he says casting his eyes reverently downward, "I humbly accept." He turns around and rips his coat off to expose the back of his neck. Aeryn doesn't think this is a good idea. The Hand of Friendship raises to Crais' neck. Aeryn looks hurt. The Hand of Friendship rears back like a cobra preparing to strike. A disk with lots of small, puncturing wires is at the end. The Hand of Friendship strikes, driving the spiked disk into the back of Crais' neck. Crais screams. The Hand of Friendship zips back into the floor. Aeryn demands to know what's happening. Crais sort of convulses. His neck bleeds from all the punctures. Crais falls to the floor. "Talyn, what have you done?" Aeryn screams. I remember hoping Talyn was so smart that he learned Crais was the one who tortured leviathans with control collars and now was getting him back by killing him. "What is that?" Aeryn asks, stepping over Crais. Crais staggers up and explains it's a neural transponder, a direct interface with Talyn. Crais can command everything on Talyn now. "You command him?" Aeryn demands. "Every system -- it's indescribable," Crais mutters, "It's a pity you can't experience it." Aeryn starts to remind Crais that they were going to share command. "Talyn chose otherwise," Crais interrupts. Aeryn thinks Talyn needs both of them. "No, we no longer need you," Crais says, "Talyn can only have one master. You can return to Moya." Aeryn refuses. "You must, he and I are of like mind on this," Crais tells her. Aeryn orders Crais to remove the neural transponder. Crais doesn't respond. Aeryn repeats herself and grabs her gun out of her leg holster, "Take it off or I will!" Talyn points guns at Aeryn. Crais knocks the gun out of Aeryn's hand and they fight. If there ever was a Peacekeeper equivalent to a well-fed, complacent, corporate suit, Crais is it, and I don't care how many hours he spends on the stairmaster at Peacequinox after work, Aeryn is so going to kick his ass. Oh, my, but it's nice to finally recap some action in this pick-a-little-talk-a-lot episode. They fight, Aeryn clearly rocks, Talyn shoots, they fight some more, and Aeryn clearly rocks. Aeryn yells at Talyn that she's not the enemy. "We know that, but you cannot stay aboard here, you have fifty microts to get back to your prowler before we open that passageway into space. Good health, Officer Sun," Crais smugs.
Moya. Crichton asks what's going on and why Talyn hasn't tucked under Moya's wing for starburst. The Command Carrier is getting closer. Pilot reports that the prowler has left Talyn and Aeryn is aboard, asking to return to Moya.
Command Carrier. Braca and Scorpius prepare to attack and shit. "Scorpius!" Crais says suddenly and joyfully on the comm, "My final progress report." Scorpius tells Braca to stay his last command. "The gunship is secured, and I am resigning my Peacekeeper commission effective immediately." Scorpius tells Crais to "cease this nonsense." Crais ignores him and goes on, "And as for Crichton, he is dead. I killed him with my bare hands, my brother is avenged. Here ends my report, Captain." Scorpius does his famous, scary growl-hiss. I think he's about to go Incredible Hulk with his voice here. "Fire upon both leviathans," Scorpius orders, his voice several notches lower and deadlier. I'll bet no one steals his lunch out of the office fridge. The Command Carrier fires. Crais looks around at Talyn and smiles. Talyn starbursts in a much cooler way than Moya. It's almost like he creates a wormhole of light and gets sucked into it. Then he spins laterally, bursts, and disappears.
On Moya, everyone is agog. Pilot confirms that Aeryn is aboard, so they starburst away as well. Moya starbursts a peace-loving blue, Talyn starbursts a war-mongering red.
Braca stands uneasily at attention as Scorpius calmly and one-handedly tosses a tinfoil ball. Scorpius silkily reminds Bracadoon that his tactical expert was of the opinion that Talyn wouldn't be able to starburst for an arn. Scorpius tips his head to Braca's quivering (with desire) ear, "Send him to me, so I might educate him." Braca, disappointed that he doesn't get a full dressing down, agrees. As he walks out, Scorpius gives further orders to start searching for Moya on her most probable vectors. Braca, hoping Scorpius would now be able to pierce his plane with his Scorpy vector, is worried that his crush is still obsessing over Crichton the Hot. "After all," Braca complains, "With Crichton dead..." The two of them could live happily-ever-after. "Crichton isn't DEAD!" Scorpius spits. Braca's face falls. "It's merely Crais' small attempt to take his revenge upon me," Scorpius explains quite bitterly. He reasons that if Crais had actually killed Crichton, he wouldn't have told Scorpius. "Crichton is ALIVE!" Scorpius tosses his ball at Braca. Ahem, no comment. "And I will find him!" Scorpius flings himself, hissing and preening onto his red velvet armchair.
Now it's D'Argo's turn to visit Tangled Up in Blue. "If you are going to sit there in a coma, you could at least smile," D'Argo calls gently from the doorway. Zhaan sort of snaps out of it, looks over at D'Argo, and smiles, "Sweet D'Argo. I was just thinking." "Part of the Seek?" D'Argo wonders, walking in and sitting down. No, Zhaan was just thinking that Aeryn is right. She can't immerse herself in the Seek at the price of abandoning everyone on Moya. "The level will always be there," D'Argo reminds her, "This one will not." Zhaan decides that they must cherish their existence as well as each other.
In Pilot's Chamber, Aeryn and Crichton sit together. Not facing, Aeryn's back is almost nested in Crichton's chest, but the only touching they appear to do is Crichton playing with a wisp of her magnificent mane. Aeryn says she failed. Pilot tries to make things better by telling them Talyn told Moya he was choosing Crais of his own volition. "Yeah, for what that's worth," Crichton notes tiredly. "He'll contact her from time to time and let her know if he's okay," Pilot continues. Aeryn's face crumples a bit and she looks down at her lap. "Well, they say they'll call home, Pilot, once a week, but never do," Crichton says. The camera pulls back and we can see that Crichton and Aeryn are sitting at the base of Pilot's control desk thingy. The light shines only on Pilot's face and Aeryn. Crichton, slightly in the shadows, is illuminated only by Aeryn's lighting. "Talyn will be all right, won't he?" Aeryn asks, leaning back into Crichton's chest. John immediately puts his arms around her, and Aeryn embraces his arms. I love that position. It's so safe, so comforting. "Well, he's young," Crichton says, "And he's going to make mistakes, but he'll learn, and if Crais ever mistreats him, he'll bounce him." "Maybe Crais won't mistreat him," Aeryn muses, "He could've killed me, you know, he could've killed all of us, and he didn't." "Yeah, maybe he just needed to save the energy for starburst," Crichton responds, sort of convinced. "Or maybe he's changed," Aeryn suggest. Crichton snorts. "Well, you do believe people can change, don't you John?" Aeryn wonders. Crichton laughs slightly and puts the side of his chin against Aeryn's temple. "Well?" she asks. "Well," Crichton says, "You have." "Mmm," Aeryn agrees. "I have," Crichton lists. Aeryn "mmms" her agreement again. "But Crais?" Crichton leaves it hanging. It's probably one of the most romantic scenes the two of them play. Leaving aside the dialogue, if you just watch both of their movements and facial expressions, it's so powerful. I can't get over how these two weren't together in real life.