Live Through This With Me

S01E05

They get ready to board, John worries aloud whether this is actually a good idea, because he can feel the bad juju from here, and Aeryn tells him to stay on Moya if he wants. She doesn't really imply that he is a big baby, because she doesn't think of him as a combatant, ever: just someone to be protected. Not so D'Argo, whom she checks in with, and the three of them head in.

John wows (and exposits) about how Aeryn was on a ship like this her entire life. She gestures around with her flashlight and there's a sweet little bite in it: "When you told me endless tales of your home, you spoke of forests and rivers and valleys," she says -- and it's the "endless" that makes it art -- but she was just imagining these walls. "Well, I'm sure it looks better with carpeting." D'Argo says even the Luxans thought the Zelbinion was known as "invincible," and then John totally snakes my joke from two weeks ago about the Titanic. "Even the big ones go down." John then sees a skeleton in the ceiling and wigs impressively. Even the big ones, as they say. (Just found out the original line was what we heard, "Just ask Leo DiCaprio," but in fact we got the lovely ad-lib "Just ask Bill Clinton." Which is dirty and a little mean to my girl Monica, but does preserve the "one blowjob joke per episode" rule Ben Browder seems to have set for himself.)

Zhaan doesn't even need her pretentious vegetable powers to figure out that Rygel's freaking out. He tells her, staring out, terrified, that it was the first ship he was tortured on, when he was first deposed 130 years ago. Tortured. On. (Quickly: in the last scene we compared the Zelbinion to Urp -- Plastic/Organic, Fascist/Awesome, Fear/Love -- and now it's Zelbinion and Moya. No wonder Rygel loves her so much.)

D'Argo bitches about how they've been all over and there's nothing to salvage. Aeryn cocks a brow: "How disappointing that other scavengers have robbed us of our glory." This has got to be awful for her. I had a whole thing here but John says it better at the end. D'Argo calls it game over, since the nav console is gone and there aren't any star charts. John notes something with lights still going, and Aeryn realizes that somebody has fixed the comms up. D'Argo growls. I know, right? This is like every horror movie ever! Don't turn on the TV or pick up the phone or the thing you know it's "Don't go into the light Carol-Ann" and then everybody involved dies from some mysterious curse. This shit is totally haunted. John asks how recently this happened, and they start looking around, and there's another PK skeleton for John to worry about, and then out of nowhere this blonde chick comes running and slams into him. Foul! My John only bumps into one Peacekeeper for no reason whatsoever!

Just kidding, I adore this particular PK girl. Who doesn't? D'Argo and Aeryn, who open fire on her without even thinking. John jumps in front of her and yells at them, and they calm down...just in time for the woman to ask to get shot at some more: "Officer Sun. The escaped prisoners." Aeryn steps up in her face and stares her down. John's like, "How does she know this?" Why, because she's from Crais's ship. John takes a giant step back, like a Mother May I-size step, and then there are credits.

"You will remain in review stance until I dismiss, understood? Name. Division. Assignment." We haven't seen this Aeryn in a while. It's totally gross. There's a lid on it so you can't actually tell how much of this is fear and how much is just the kind of asshole Peacekeepers are. "Gilina Renais," says the girl, and Aeryn yells at her to speak up. "Tramco support, maintenance provost," Gilina says, and Aeryn Cool Hand Lukes all over her: "Chin up! Eyes locked!" It's hard. John tells her to give it a rest, "Miss Drill Sergeant," and check out how Gilina's about to pass out, and Aeryn attacks John. Keep the lid on, lady. John reminds Aeryn that he's not like Gilina, which is a somewhat weird thing to say unless he's trying to distract Aeryn, or actually thinks she's going to beat him up, and then Aeryn says something very telling: "Not remotely. She is a tech."

And John is a what? Out in the gray space, between the only white and black she ever knew. He's not a soldier, he's a scientist. But if it's John, that doesn't mean he's a tech, because then he would be beneath her, and he's not, exactly. So he's not "remotely" like Gilina. I wonder what he'd say about that.

"Not a soldier, right? No weapons, so why don't you lighten up?" Aeryn explains, again, how PKs work: it's Gilina's duty to notify Crais about the prisoners, and cheerfully lie to them about it. She gets right up in his face and it is not sexy even a little bit: "This is my world, John. Don't interfere." She's harder than she's ever been. Not more but less. It's terrifying.

Rygel fights Pilot on how there's somebody alive: "She can't be from the original..." Oh, man. Pilot prisses at him that (a) he doesn't know about any of that and (b) Rygel can bloody well go investigate the situation himself if he's going to get uppity. I don't know if he knows about Rygel's freakout, but I think he does, and that makes it even meaner and funnier. Rygel grumbles about the fuck he will, and Zhaan approaches him, and touches his shoulder, and asks how long they've known each other. "Long enough for me to see your blue backside meditating. But not long enough for you to touch me." His dignity comes and goes at the oddest times. I could kiss him right now. "Confront your demons, Rygel. Or they will chase you from the shadows to the pyre." One more week, Blue. Get it all out now, while I still love you.

Gilina explains that Crais didn't have time for any ghost ship bullshit when he had bizarre revenge/sex stuff to do to our innocent friends, so he ordered her unit aboard the Zelbinion for a tech survey and left them there. Then he ran off across the Uncharted Territories with his stupid ponytail swinging, all in a hurry, and then...failed to find Moya or do anything interesting or important. You know, it occurs to me that I've never recapped old Bipolar, have I? Oohhh, his stupid ass is getting a facefull of buckshot week too.

(Zhaan, Bipolar and Maldis, for fuck's sake. So why's it one of my favorites? I get to bitch at length, that's why. And also because it's really, really good.)

Crichton offers Gilina some food and inquires after the rest of the survey team. Two days after they got there, some ship showed up and blew hell out of their Marauder with a strange weapon, stranding them. Then I guess they came onboard and killed everybody. (Gilina just swung from dirty and angular to fucking gorgeous, by the way. I should mention that. She looks like if Naomi Watts had the blonde hair back when she did Tank Girl.) D'Argo comes in explaining it was the Sheyang (HATE. They look like Sir John Tenniel's frog footman, crossed with a dog's anus, and they shoot fire out of their stupid anus faces.) John's like, "They did all this?" And instead of saying, "No, you douchebag, they didn't simultaneously attack this ship just the other day and a hundred years ago," D'Argo just characterizes them as "nothing more than opportunistic foragers." For he is a far, far better man than I.

Aeryn asks Gilina -- less harshly but not like she won't shoot her ass in the eye for kicks -- to tell her the story of how the Zelbinion died. Gilina starts to -- "Long before we arrived, other scavengers pulled loose the data spools: there's no record" -- but then remembers to tell Aeryn off. "Officer Sun, I think you should know I consider you a traitor and therefore worthy of the punishment it merits." Then she relents, like she's in any position to do so. "But as a Sebacean, I believe you are as deserving as I to know the truth about a cultural treasure. I am not lying when I say I do not know." I wish she did, because then Aeryn would like her, because she'd be coming more than halfway toward her, but on the other hand, then Aeryn would probably shoot her, and that would be sad. And not in Aeryn's best interest, frankly, in the fullness of time, but we don't know that yet, and I'm taking bets on whether or not Aeryn's going to shoot her at any given point. It's like 2:1 right now thanks to the whole "you deserve to die" thing, even if she did try to soften the blow with a "...But I still don't know, buddy." (Also, FYI: the Zelbinion is only a "cultural treasure" if your culture is deeply, deeply fucked up.)

Rygel -- who will always take a deep breath when he has to -- comes into the Zelbinion on his Jazzy. I admit I didn't expect him to follow through this time, because I don't want him to be all upset. I mean, I don't care at all if he lives or dies, but he's so intractable and full of himself that seeing him weird like this is really kind of upsetting. Like if you saw Donald Trump fall down on his old man ass. You'd laugh, but it would be really unsettling.

D'Argo runs off with some 'babble and Aeryn says they'll meet him or whatever, and takes the lead. Behind her, John and Gilina are having a chat about how he's really not Sebacean. "Human. It's kinda like Sebacean, but we haven't conquered other worlds yet so we just kick the crap out of each other." Funnier -- again -- seven years ago than it is right now. Gilina thanks him for, you know, stopping Aeryn from killing her dead before. "I try to save a life a day. Usually it's my own." And in that case it's usually somebody else doing it, Mister Man.

They come into the middle of a big awesome bay with lots of science all over the place, and John stupidly exclaims about what if the Peacekeepers used their science and technology to do good instead of evil, and Aeryn, feeling more Sebacean than she has in a long, long time, and who could blame her, gets right up in his face. "To do what? To fulfill your vision of who we should be? We are Peacekeepers. Other cultures hire us to keep order. To keep harmony." Honey, "we" are not doing any of those things. Just because it smells like home doesn't mean you're twenty again. Also: context, like with the PK stuff last week, is everything. Art shouldn't imitate life if it's in the future; it's too sad. I do love her in her pride here though, showing us what a real live Peacekeeper, one of them that really believed, would say. She's the only one. Put her in this environment, burned out and horrible just like her life, and she'll backflip away from John's corrupting influence so fast. Back from science to war, back across the line to less. But also and finally, I like how this triangle has three sides: instead of telling John not to talk to Gilina, she's siding with Gilina, obliquely, against him. Which is like AP Mean Girl shit and takes a fine and detailed hand because it's easy to fuck up. I'm proud of her for trying, but also for being so fucking scary this whole episode that nobody's going to call her on it.

Rygel enters with more of that real-life parallel stuff I don't like right now, about how "keeping order and harmony" is flytastic but also: "...Assassinations, torture, kidnappings..." He coughs and spits a huge wad onto Gilina's face and wishes it were last week. John grabs him and calls him "Weasel" and tells him to knock it off. "I've barely got used to sharing my accommodation with one of these abominations. Dispel the thought of two!" Only one of them is an abomination; which one depends on where you're standing. He knows that. On the other hand, put him in this environment -- burned out and horrible, just like when his life as a Dominar ended, here on this ship -- and he'll backflip away from Zhaan's calming influence so fast. Back from pride to shame, back across the line to less. And he's not got a lot of ground to spare on the more v. less front.

Later on, Rygel's Jazzin' around the Zelbinion when he suddenly and violently goes crazy with a horrible effect not seen since like MÃ©liÃ¨s invented space: some effed-up PK dude staring at him across the entire screen and going "BOO!" Not really, he just welcomes him "home," but the horrible apparition might as well have a flashlight to its chin. Rygel wigs.

Commercial. D'Argo confirms Gilina's story -- "gutted to worthlessness" is what he calls it -- and Gilina is very sad to see a dead dude from her unit deadin' it up on the floor. D'Argo nods: "Sheyang victim. Burned to death." Gilina says the guy's name, horrified, and Aeryn snaps to: "Officer Karanda? What was he doing guiding the likes of you? This is grot's work." Gilina drops the brand new bomb that Aeryn's entire unit was demoted when Aeryn left the PKs and will only be reinstated when she's dead. I forget: does that mean Crais is an asshole, or that the PKs are categorically assholes? Hmm.

Pilot asks Zhaan to confirm for him -- on "Scan Vector Gamma" -- if there's a Sheyang ship hanging around just outside sensor range, and of course there is.

Upon hearing this, Aeryn sublimates her rage from before by slamming Gilina against a bulkhead really hard: "Why are the Sheyangs back? What didn't you tell us?" D'Argo thinks maybe they should kill Gilina if she doesn't help them out with a quickness. Aeryn wonders if cooperating with the Sheyangs is what saved Gilina's life, and Gilina -- bright girl -- decides this is the time for taunting: "I am not the traitor. You are." A simple "no" would probably be best here. Aeryn continues to growl and John comes into the room and pulls her off Gilina again. Somehow John got stronger than Aeryn, but just for this episode; he holds her off even as she's charging Gilina again. "She knew they were coming back!" Aeryn screams. "She knew!"

John completes the triangle and sides with Aeryn -- who's right now the attacking one, just like before when it was John attacking the PK way of life -- and tells Gilina evenly, "She's not a traitor, not by a long shot. Crais never gave her a chance. Not like the chance we're giving you." There's kind of a subtle "Acting like a jerk is going to get us both killed by crazy Aeryn" in there somewhere. Whatever, it chills Gilina out considerably, and she tells the obvious truth that she just hid while the Sheyangs were looting. "They said they were gonna come back for the DS." And John speaks Tech: "Defense Shield?" Gilina explains that it's not exactly operational, but it's less damaged than everything else. God forbid John have a conversation with a Tech, of course, so Aeryn grabs Gilina by like the face and shoves her down the corridor: "Move! Go!" She's probably just worried about the Sheyangs. I'm sure that's it.

D'Argo enters Moya's Command, where Zhaan is reading screens. "Their plasma conductor is targeted on us," she says, and then suggests that they signal their intent to leave, and then "depart without incident." D'Argo explains that this is asking for deadness, because the Sheyang are that kind of alien that attacks weakness and flees from strength. Like most other kinds of aliens on this show except for the really cool ones. (Oh, MAN! I gotta write about the effin' dog people later! Tsk. This show.) Zhaan offers a plan B: "We get the others on board, we decouple, and then attempt to starburst." D'Argo says that the Sheyang will be blowing them up well before that, and Zhaan whines that Moya has "no offensive capabilities -- nothing to signal strength." (Wishing you and your little flying girlfriend had some guns, are ya? Hmm. That's not very "Zhaan," is it? I guess sometimes choosing the self-importantly pacifist option just doesn't cut it, does it?) D'Argo's like, "I know! I hate how Moya has no guns! Finally we understand each other!"

Gilina says the DS is fucked...but then figures out that it's not, if she just blah blah blah, and Aeryn tells her to shut up and do it. "Officer Sun, I know you're not a tech, but..." and it's neat, because she's following protocol -- if you're talking to infantry, kiss ass, because they're the ones in charge, because they're the ones with guns -- and Aeryn's just like, "Eh, just tell me." Gilina says it all depends on the power reserves, but they're looking at eight hours, minimum. And the Sheyang are totally vulturing around above their head trying to figure out Moya, which is not going to take eight hours, so Aeryn prepares to go off yet again, but John jumps in with some 'babble, which to Gilina is like the sweetest music plus a Belgian waffle amount of hot Crichton lovin'. Yeah. That'll take the itch off Aeryn's trigger finger like friggin' Gold Bond.

D'Argo worries about what we all just worried about and then we cut to the Sheyang ship for two seconds -- one stupid froggy laughs about how Moya's a pussy and the other stupid froggy says that Leviathans don't ever come into the Uncharted Territories so they're going to bag this awesome rare creature -- and then Zhaan informs everybody that their weapons countdown has begun. Countdown. Why? John tells Aeryn that Moya needs some anti-froggy help and Aeryn's like, "Too late," and even D'Argo's like, "I guess maybe we'll just have to live on the Zelbinion then, if they blow Moya up." Pilot: "D'Argo? Zhaan? Moya and I are very afraid of fire." Aww. See, we can't be having that kind of shit. Figure it out, people.

D'Argo bitches and moans about how they don't have guns some more, which is so very helpful, and he works himself into a total froth and stops making sense and starts screaming and growling and acting a mess in Luxan -- which is the opposite of how translator microbes work, but we're not going to talk about that -- which is...actually quite helpful. As D'Argo gets hyper, Zhaan smoothly tells Pilot to transmit D'Argo's wobbler to the Sheyangs. Pilot asks why and Zhaan tells him to just fucking do it.

"A Luxan? We're fighting a Luxan? Terminate fire! Terminate plasma attack!"

Zhaan tells Pilot to take the little show off the air, and Pilot wows. "They're powering down their weapons!" Zhaan congratulates D'Argo on buying them time. I guess I spoke too soon about the whole pacifist angle. When she brings peace it won't be through violence and it won't be through submission: it's the illusion of violence and power that saved them this week. And if the Sheyangs had seen through the illusion, they wouldn't have cheated themselves out of a DS, but fearing something gives it power, and that's something you do to yourself. Ask His Eminence. He knows.

"Right. No lies. Does this ship have any weapons aboard that are still active? Anything we can use to fight back?" Gilina's like, "Um, for the hundredth time, no? Have we not been over this?" John asks if the DS wouldn't be helpful, in terms of, say, defense. "The question is, will it stop the Sheyang attack?" Can you put aside fear long enough to find another way to save yourself? Aeryn says they can't stall for eight hours, duh, and John says that if he helps Gilina, they can do it in four. Which is less than eight, so he's got them there.

Cut from some broadcasts: They stare at him because he is Crichton. He's like, "Some kind of union thing I don't know about?" Funny. Gilina's like, "It's really complicated? Sophisticated wiring?" And as he's ripping off the array cover to get to work, he harrumphs, "Yep. And I love opera."

Zhaan tries to get D'Argo to yell at the Sheyang some more: "It's not my face they are afraid of." D'Argo tells her he doesn't lie to his opponents in battle, no matter how wily she is. "It's not lying," she says. "Simply mislead them," she says. He says she has a flexible morality for a priest, and I cannot argue with him. Neither can she: "Well, I apologize. It must be done, and you must do it." And okay, that's what it always comes down to, with Zhaan. I wouldn't yell quite so loud if I didn't love her, and I will say this: every stupid, asshole thing she ever does, she does it to save Moya and every person on Moya, and because there's nothing else to be done. Which means that the stupid, scary shit she does is twice the sacrifice, because it's also her holy, perfect image of herself that she's sacrificing. For them. An image she spent hundreds of years -- crazy, locked in a room, screaming -- bleeding to build, so she could live with herself. And that's all she's asking D'Argo to do, after all, and I...don't think I can hate her anymore, as of right this second. Maybe week won't be so fun after all.

Gilina arghs in frustration and John asks mildly if she screwed something up. "This isn't going to work. The main fusion panel is charred. John's like, "Gilina, you told Aeryn you could do this. And your face looks way better not blown off, so..." Gilina levels that she didn't want to be executed for failing to try. Which: I hate Peacekeepers, don't you? John tries to explain once more that they are not killers, and Gilina points out how he totally killed Bipolar's brother. And look how well that went. John finally gets pissed and spits out the truth, how it was a fender-bender that easily could have killed John instead. And you can't get all bus crash about that plot point either, because once Crais shows up it's twice as obnoxious and pointless and you'll wish John had just killed them both. Them and their ponytails.

So just as they're reaching a quiet kind of loving understanding between Techs, who walks in carrying some massive equipment? Aeryn, who angrily asks if they'd like a lovely snack. "Something chilled?" Gilina -- calling her "Officer Sun" -- gingerly notes that the wires Aeryn's packing are the wrong kind. Aeryn grumps that she's looked everywhere, and Gilina suggests a couple of places she could look. Aeryn does not want to leave! Gilina starts to give her directions and Aeryn's like, "I know where it is, dude." Three things not to do to Aeryn if you're a cute Tech Girl getting sweaty with Commander John Crichton: Criticize her tech knowledge. Boss her around. Tell her where shit is. "That door's jammed!" Gilina shouts as Aeryn takes off. That's four! Betting is now closed!

The Sheyangs and D'Argo bitch about salvage rights for awhile and finally D'Argo tells them they can have the stupid ship once his soldiers are back on Moya. One stupid froggy tells the other stupid froggy that D'Argo is bluffing and there aren't any soldiers. They bust out their business to compare size once and for all, and Zhaan whispers lines to D'Argo: "Your quaint cockpit seems to belie any military posts." The froggies call him a jerkface but sign off. Zhaan congratulates him on his entrÃ©e into the world of lying for fun and he tells her to stop with the prompting. Pilot tells them that "if we are to believe the Peacekeeper Tech," they only have to carry on this charade for two more hours. "Three conversations without substance are enough. The one, I believe, will spur an attack." D'Argo's right, of course, but it's still cool: they're fronting weapons, maybe on both sides, but they're both doing it in order to get ahold of technology that is entirely defensive.

John is describing to Gilina a movie which is neither Fight Club nor D.E.B.S., but is in fact Lethal Weapon 3. Could not get away from Mel Gibson back then. (If you don't remember, that's the one where Riggs met Rene Russo, and they fell in love because first of all she's Rene Freakin' Russo, but also they had a shitload in common, like to the point that she was basically the female Riggs. Hmm.) She points out that this is not entertaining, and he shrugs. "Yeah, well, you know, it replaced cock fighting." Gilina gets a spark in her eye and cries out, and John gets all "Hush hush my darling" about it, and she accidentally smacks him in his eye, and oh, how they laugh. Where's Aeryn? John says about how in movies like that, "The guy and the girl always end up surviving. Liking each other." Gilina says that the Sebaceans have stories like that too. "It's a small universe," John murmurs. Where in hell is Aeryn?

The DRDs are all very interested in Rygel right now because they've never seen a Dominar hallucinating and shitting himself from PTSD. It's sad. Durka drags Rygel down a corridor, all, "We've just begun!" Zhaan finds him and chides him softly: "We've been looking all over for you, Rygel. You are making the DRDs nervous." She tells him -- usually a surefire winner -- that they're in need of his "negotiating talents." Which I guess makes sense, because D'Argo just goes "Bleargh blooey fluuuurgh" right now, and Zhaan isn't feeling the Sheyang like at all. "I think I was meant to die here the first time. That's why the spirits have brought me back to the Zelbinion," Rygel sniffs. Oh, mister. Zhaan tells him, for starters, that Durka's dead. Rygel admits it's in his head. That's the saddest part. "Then you must confront him," she tells him softly. "Find his corpse. It will set you free." Blue's a little creepy sometimes but I'm feeling her right now on this. If Rygel knows he's going nuts, that's so much worse than if he didn't believe Durka was really dead. Admitting it out loud? Hell no. That's just as bad as "Moya and I are afraid of fire."

One stupid froggy calls bullshit on the other stupid froggy and beats him up and takes control of the stupid froggy ship and decides to shoot Moya right this second. "Ignite the plasma generators!"

Aeryn runs up to John and Gilina, on comms with Moya: "What do you mean they're firing? What did you say to them?" D'Argo says they just stopped responding to his signal. Gilina tells John they're close to finishing -- "Disconnect all the black wires. The black ones. Here." -- and Pilot informs us that they've got less than a minute left. "Officer Sun. Pass me up those connections. Yes." Everybody's very nervous and working hard. Forty seconds. Thirty. Twenty. "Like this," Gilina explains to Aeryn. "Clip it. Got it?" Ten seconds. "One more, okay?" Five seconds. Aeryn, Gilina, and John all check in: "Got it!" Like three little Techs in a pod, working in concert. Like equals. So the defense screen forms around Moya, of course. Just as the Sheyang fire on her.

Pilot, relieved, tells everybody the DS worked, and the stupid froggies yell at each other and fight a bunch, and Rygel is in a cage on the Zelbinion. "I am very disappointed in you. Somehow I expected the Dominar of Hyneria to be more...dominating," Durka says.

Pilot and Zhaan tell everybody that there are gaps in the DS shield. Gilina explains that this DS is technically only half of one: a real DS is two identical shields, overlaid. This 'babble is unnecessary, I don't know why there's this extra layer of BS on the idea that they're going to get the DS when the Zelbinion is horrible and also completely finished for good, except that the story's running pretty thin as it is. John yells and stuff and asks if they couldn't just install one of the shields on Moya then. "I have been sworn never to compromise Peacekeeper technology with the enemy." Seemingly unending pause. "I will do it for you. For you." Duh.

The froggies fight about things, and the one that mutinied on the other one is basically forced by reasons of honor to go to the Zelbinion and kill everybody aboard. Seriously, the whole deal takes about five seconds and he's like, "Okay, I'm going down there to kill everybody, for honor." Also known, again, as "How we got three acts out of this bitch."

Gilina and John flirt about the following things. 1) "Deep space technology," which they both love. 2) "Cosmic theory," which "intrigues" Gilina and in which John has his doctorate. 3) What is a doctorate. 4) Falling into each other like fornicators who do not believe in love but only their whorish gravitational needs. 5) Human men and Sebacean men are much the same. 6) Ditto the respective ladies. Then Gilina kisses his forehead, sweetly, and he kisses her on the lips. She licks her lips, surprised, and then they go on kissing. Where is... Oh, crap! Aeryn walks in talking: "I've set up four of the components..." Her voice like they're all three pals, Techs, getting science done. And she spots them. "In the maintenance bay." She picks up a huge crate that looks like it weighs about two tons and stomps off. "Sorry for interrupting." It's sad, and it's a little funny, but only the latter because it's kind of scary. Like you don't cheat on She-Hulk, for she can be both Savage and Sensational.

John makes tracks after Aeryn, begging her to slow down and talk. "What the heck's the matter with you?" (Men grant themselves this pass, but I am here to tell you: You're not crazy. He knows what the fuck is the matter with her. Don't be snowed.) Aeryn's like, "Um, oh. These two-ton boxes are very heavy and I'm going to be hefting ten more of them." She tosses her hair. "Do not come down this corridor without one." He begs her to stop and starts -- ugh -- explaining: "Look, what happened back there was..." And she gives the only reply that she can possibly give, which is that it was none of her business. "Yes, it was," he says, which would be enough, but this is John. He's going to screw it up. "You and I are shipmates! Haven't you ever just clicked with a guy?" She's like, "Click?" He asks if she's never found a guy attractive, and oh does she screw the pooch: "Yes, but I didn't let it...in the beginning, I found you...interesting." He's taken aback by this abrupt left turn. I don't think it's that she accidentally just stepped in a huge pile of vulnerable, I think it's because he's an idiot. Like she's up there and he's down here. You hurt more people with that kind of esteem bullshit than you will ever know. Stop being a pussy and just fucking go for it. "Yes," she nods at his dumb ass, "...but only for a moment." Heh. He's like, "Oh, good." They agree that it's good to be on "even terms," and walk away from each other: "Sometimes it's a good idea to clear the air," he says. "Mm. Very clear air," she says, from somewhere really scary. Even Mal and Inara are like, "Dude, you are killing us here. Get it together."

I have this idea that this season on Gilmore Girls, Taylor and Michel should totally hook up and get married in the gazebo. How awesome would that be? They're totally the Riggs/Russo of that show! You know Sookie would go apeshit. I was going to make some lame Clark/Lex joke up there, but then I remembered my awesome plan.

Speaking of people you do not want to see in the same room, much less making out, Rygel has located a corpse. "Durka," he whispers. "Is it really you, Durka?" He spots a gun in Durka's hand. "You killed yourself, Durka? You coward." If you knew what killed the Zelbinion, you'd probably shoot yourself just in case. I hate what killed the Zelbinion more than the Zelbinion itself. Even if what killed the Zelbinion brings lovely gifts with it, when it comes. "You once told me I'd never leave the Zelbinion alive. You robbed me of so many cycles...but no matter what you did to me, I'll always remember one thing: You lose." He spits another huge wad on the corpse. Zhaan is really good with these alternative therapies, I'll give her that. That's exactly what the little shit needed. Heh. "You lose." He slays me.

Stupid froggy launches toward the Zelbinion, accompanied by a squadron. I can't ever hear the word "squadron" without screaming "Alert the amphibious squadron!" no matter where I am, because that is still the funniest fucking thing in the universe to me for some reason. I get hysterical. Sometimes I have to go lie down and not think about squadrons for awhile.

D'Argo and Pilot and Zhaan are alerted to the froggy squadron and they do a lot of worrying about the froggies getting onto either Moya or Zelbinion, I'm confused about that the entire episode, and meanwhile Gilina's 'babbling at John: "When I kill the bypass, these two polaric disks will be attracted to each other. Strongly. So you have to hold them apart, because if they touch each other, this whole room will be vaporized." Um, wait. My bad, that's actually not technobabble at all. That's every side of the triangle, and I'm not speaking in cutesy bullshit shipper code either: I think that's actually what the line is saying. I love this show.

I believe that stupid froggy bossman calls the squadron "scoundrel fighters." Which is moderately awesome, especially coming from a stupid dog's anus.

D'Argo and Pilot and Zhaan are alerted to the froggy squadron some more, and they do a lot of worrying about froggy getting honorable on the Zelbinion, and meanwhile Gilina's still explaining just how hard the panels are going to be pulling toward each other. She "kills the bypass," or whatever, and they start in, John struggling mightily.

D'Argo alerts Aeryn to the squadron, specifically the stupid froggy with the honor, who is probably on the Zelbinion about to kill everybody. She runs in toward John and Gilina and John's like, "The hell?" Zhaan doesn't really care to explain about how their stall worked just long enough to create mutiny and honor situations: "What's important is that he might be headed right toward you!" Heh. John says they need to stop with the science, and she says that the array won't live through that. "Then finish the process," he growls. "I want you to get out of here." She promises she'll never leave him or whatever. I'm bored. What's Aeryn doing?

Shooting at the face of the honorable Sheyang, of course. Then he shoots fire out of that face and she ducks.

"Gilina, I want you out of here." "If you die here, John, I die too." I'm bored. What's Aeryn doing? I want to be clear that I don't think they did a bad job of making it seem realistic that they'd like each other, or be all romantic and "if you die here" with each other. I buy it. I just don't care all that much. I love Gilina, I love John. They're great. But I get it, and somewhere on the Zelbinion Aeryn is shooting at shit. Shit that might blow up. It's hard to concentrate. Let's put a check mark in the "I bought the premise of the episode" box and get back to what's important: Aeryn.

"He keeps blocking my route, forcing me to take the long way around. You many have to defend yourself!" John replies that it's a long story, but his hands are literally full right now, so she needs to get her hot ass back to the array. Where the froggy has just found John. "And make it fast. Because ugly's outside the door right now. Aeryn, get here. C'mon, Aeryn." Mostly to himself by this point. If I were Aeryn, I'd be like, "Oooooh, I'm in trouble! My awesome girlfriend doesn't have a gun, just a screwdriver and a yearning to transgress! Whatever will I do?" And then I'd take it real damn slow.

Just kidding, I would totally walk through fire for that man: "They spit fire? How come nobody tells me this stuff? How come nobody told me they spit fire?!" See? Cute. Aeryn runs all over hell and back trying to get to him; Gilina keeps working. John keeps standing there. Commercials at some point.

Froggy gets in and John totally says, "Oh, shit." He welcomes the Sheyang into the room and tells him to loot away, but if the two panels touch...FIREBALL! John dodges, nicely, but then screws it up by punning: "Listen gas-hole, you kill us, you kill yourself!" Honor Frog tells him they already had their chance to retreat. John invites him to come a little closer, and then Aeryn (a) slides down a chain from out of the sky, (b) with her gun pointing at the thing, (c) sticks a solid landing, (d) blows the shit out of the froggy's head, (e) stands in the middle of a flaming rain of frog parts looking gorgeous, (f) doesn't even spare a look at John or Gilina as she (g) says with a huge, cocky grin, "Sorry about the mess," and then (h) slaps another chain out of her way and takes off with just a monumental amount of spring in her step, which kills John on several levels, firstly (i) because it was fucking awesome, and secondly (j) because like all boys of his generation, he secretly kinda wants to make out with Han Solo a little bit, which I personally never understood until just this second, but (k) now he can. And he will!

D'Argo and Zhaan are not feeling John on the plan to leave Gilina at the Zelbinion and call Crais to return for her. John points out that they have to leave anyway, the Sheyangs are still around, and Crais is bound to show up at some point. I would also point out that, from what we've seen, Crais is crap at finding Moya. D'Argo says that they've been lucky, but this is handing Crais all the cards. "If she doesn't tell him we were here..." Zhaan interrupts John: "I'm a trusting soul at best, but not to a fault." Because God knows she's completely lacking any of those. Aeryn speaks up. "The tech will not reveal our presence." D'Argo asks why she thinks that, and instead of going off on some kind of soldiery thing about foxholes and the debt of life and whatever, she cuts the BS: "You know what happened to me, being deemed irreversibly contaminated by Crais. Contamination by enemy life forms. That could happen to you. The punishment is death. Or worse, banishment. I hope you can only ever imagine how horrible it is, to never return to the life that you love. You are smarter than that, Gilina." Fucking ouch already. Gilina nods: "Yes, I'm smarter than you. And I kissed your boyfriend. But I really like you and I want to be friends, especially now that you're Han Solo. Please don't hit me anymore."

The Sheyangs talk about how they've called for Crais's Command Carrier and it's coming back, and how the honorable one blew up like a pumpkin, and then they have a talk with D'Argo about how he was totally lying the whole time, and they thought that was awesome, because "there is no shame in losing to a clever opponent," but also, they are going to kill D'Argo one day with all the hate a frog footman with a dog's-anus face can muster. He's like, "Later!" Zhaan tells him again how magnificent he was, and D'Argo gets a little shirty: "With or without your assistance." She grins at him. "Or in spite of it."

Aeryn and Gilina are standing at the entrance to the Zelbinion, and Gilina's telling Aeryn she's totally going to lie right to Crais's face and it's going to be awesome. "I wish I had been so smart," says Aeryn. The word is innocence, and it's sad when you lose it, little by little. You get more beautiful and more sad. Gilina grabs Aeryn, who's busy trying to get the hell away from her before hugs break out, and they clasp hands. Aeryn graciously leaves John with Gilina.

"You free this weekend?" Gilina smiles and says she is, other than having to overhaul a Prowler engine. John says he doesn't want her to go, but he can't really ask her to stay, because life on Moya is "no way to live." And they laugh that she can't really ask him to come with her, since Crais would kill his ass. "You get any vacation time?" She sighs, realizes they'll probably never see each other again. He starts in about somehow organizing a rendezvous at some point, and D'Argo comms in that they have to leave now. John takes her to the door of the Zelbinion, her hand in his: "Life sucks." And if it brought them together? "Okay. It sucks a little less." He kisses her forehead.

"Crichton?" comes D'Argo's voice on comms. "Crichton?"

They part, Gilina steps through the door. It closes behind her. That was great.

John comes into command and says "Hey." Aeryn looks at him: "A greeting I will never understand." He describes it as "all-purpose": "It lets the other person decide what they wanna talk about." And if they don't want to talk? "Then they say 'hey' back." Hey. This whole scene is just... "Well, then the first person who doesn't wanna talk can be trumped, if the other person realizes that they need to. Hey." They smile. "I hate being ambushed," Aeryn says. She's not talking about the Sheyang. There's the place you used to live, where you can never return. There's the place you live now. There's the man that makes it okay, and shows you why it's beautiful. That's a lot of ambushes in one day.

He's going with option A: "You know, in my world, they say that loss is the hardest emotion to deal with." Aeryn counters: "In my world, showing pain is a sign of weakness."

Crichton: "How do you not feel pain after what you've been through?"
Aeryn: "Don't pretend to understand me, John."

(John, she says to him.)

"If I somehow, someday, get a chance to return to my world. Walk around my old neighborhood, see my old house. My dad's truck, best friend's bike on the lawn. And then I get a chance to go inside, walk through the living room upstairs to my room.

"And then I think, what if everyone were dead? What if all my friends and family are lying there, dead. Now, what would it be like to go home then?"

Aeryn: "I stand corrected."

I have nothing to add to that at all.