|
5-15 2006.06.05 |
Lesson Fifteen: Shed Your Personality Like So Many Unwanted Pounds Sean and Lee, the least memorable personages ever to grace your screen past Week Five, go head-to-head in a battle so uninteresting they don't even bother to show it. |
| 5-15 Recap |
Lesson Fifteen: Shed Your Personality Like So Many Unwanted Pounds
Season Finale - Sean and Lee, the least memorable personages ever to grace your screen past Week Five, go head-to-head in a battle so uninteresting they don't even bother to show it. |
2006.06.05 2006.06.15 |
C |
Jacob |
| 5-14 Recap |
Lesson Fourteen: Accountability Is A Choice
The Final Battle - The final task gets underway, as Team Lee freaks out their corporate and charity sponsors while doing nothing to prepare for the Barenaked Ladies, while Team Sean loses their PM to fake romance and a team member to Ebola. |
2006.05.29 2006.06.04 |
A- |
Jacob |
| 5-13 Recap |
Lesson Thirteen: You Are His Bitch, He Will Be Hanging His Slam On You
Who Wears The Pants? - A fashion-design task proves once again that you can't keep a good man down, or a couple of mediocre ones, even -- but you can do whatever you want to the ladies. |
2006.05.22 2006.05.28 |
B |
Jacob |
| 5-12 Recap |
Lesson Twelve: Use Your Words
Backs Against The Wal-Mart - The Commemorative Stacie J sisterhood breakdown comes later this year than usual, but the result is the same: the Synergy Xbox task goes down in flames even though the Rush project looks like hell, and PM Tammy goes home. |
2006.05.15 2006.05.21 |
B |
Jacob |
| 5-11 Recap |
Lesson Eleven: Don't Share Bitches
Back to School - Outback and Rutgers proves an unbeatable combination for Synergy and PM Roxanne, while PM Lee loses for the first time as a team leader, and "fires" Michael. |
2006.05.08 2006.05.14 |
A |
Jacob |
| 5-10 Recap |
Lesson Ten: Girls R Just Dum
Blow Out - A task in a hair salon turns every male candidate into a lumbering idiot, because that's how not gay they are, and Trump into something really terribly troubling. PM Charmaine and anti-PM Tarek finally both get the boot. |
2006.05.01 2006.05.07 |
F |
Jacob |
| 5-9 Recap |
Lesson Nine: You Can't Bulk-Sell Bullshit
Assault On Battery - Gold Rush does a Fatality move on Synergy, beating them not only soundly but brilliantly, under the watchful eye of Lady Liberty. Both Ivanka and Donald, Jr. are there to watch it, which somehow makes it even more amazing, but not as amazing as watching Andrea's heart grow three sizes on the cab ride home. |
2006.04.24 2006.04.30 |
A |
Jacob |
| 5-8 Recap |
Lesson Eight: Horatio Alger Is Mother Goose For Weasels
A Slice of Heaven - The self-mythologizing of Lee goes into turbo mode as we remember what he's really like, and try to invent more Jewish holidays so he'll go away again. Leslie gets fired, but...I don't believe we've met. |
2006.04.10 2006.04.17 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 5-7 Recap |
Lesson Seven: Speak My Language
It's More Than Décor - PM Michael does not lead Synergy to victory, exactly, but PM Lenny screws up amazingly enough that he gets a boot via the Boys and Girls Club rec room task. |
2006.04.10 2006.04.16 |
C+ |
Jacob |
| 5-6 Recap |
Lesson Six: Trump's Your Momma Now
King Of The Jingle - Yet another candidate falls prey to the idea that there are points for good behavior, while behaving horribly. A surfeit of all-natural chicken melodies about all-natural chicken, pissy tantrums, creepy Brit-centric threesomes, and an almost-complete lack of Andrea send Bryce home nuttier than he started. |
2006.04.03 2006.04.09 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 5-5 Recap |
Lesson Five: Zip It! How Many Times Do You Need To Hear This?
Cruise Control - Dan asks politely to be fired after a disastrous ad campaign for a cruise line causes Tarek to revert to his pre-Clockwork state. Roxanne leads everybody in Synergy to victory, and Andrea leads herself over the edge altogether. |
2006.03.27 2006.04.02 |
A- |
Jacob |
| 5-4 Recap |
Lesson Four: How To Sell Brent Michael Buckman Down The River Once Again
Cereal Killers - Synergy PM Tammy and her Mean Girl BFF Andrea successfully destroy the lambent hope of Brent; Gold Rush Charmaine makes good; everybody eats boxes and boxes of an unpronounceable cereal. |
2006.03.20 2006.03.26 |
A+ |
Jacob |
| 5-3 Recap |
Lesson Three: Holidays Are For The Lazy
Get It In Gear - Lenny goes nuts on every single person, Brent is almost eaten by a shark, Theresa loses her mind, Tarek loses his jerkiness, Andrea is a great manager but has emotional problems, and we still haven't gotten word one from the majority of the contestants, because this show is even more of a freakshow this year than ever before. |
2006.03.13 2006.03.19 |
A |
Jacob |
| 5-2 Recap |
"You Are Chaos And Disorganization!"
The Razor's Edge - Brent's continuing whirlwind of bullcrap bounces off Boyfriend Bill and sticks to both Pepi, who sucks as a PM unbelievably, and Stacy, who's admittedly kind of a jerk to Brent anyway. |
2006.03.06 2006.03.12 |
A- |
Jacob |
| 5-1 Recap |
Lesson One: Competence Is Only Skin Deep
Summer of Sam's - The best team-picking exercise in the history of the show takes place this season, as a beauty pageant on a dusky Long Island airport runway. Lenny, Lee, and Summer all suffer Tarek's wrath, but it's Summer who throws herself in front of a bullet labeled "Tarek" at the last moment, and is sent home for the simple reason of her immense stupidity. |
2006.02.28 2006.03.04 |
A |
Jacob |
| 4-13 Recap |
Lesson Thirteen: People Aren't Metaphors
Season Finale - Randal and Rebecca go head-to-head, and one after the other, Trump first hands them the Apprenticeship and then snatches it away. Rebecca is offered a job the next day by Yahoo!, while Randal gets to spend the next year lame-ducking it up in an office that even Kelly wouldn't abide. Sole winner: Trump, but then, he has to be Trump. Every single day. |
2005.12.15 2005.12.21 |
A |
Jacob |
| 4-12 Recap |
Lesson Twelve: The Customer Is Always "Right"
The Final Showdown - Randal and Rebecca go head-to-head with their hand-picked teams, but a mysteriously disappearing Joe Piscopo and a suddenly appearing thunderstorm make sure that it's all of us who have the last laugh. |
2005.12.08 2005.12.14 |
A- |
Jacob |
| 4-11 Recap |
Lesson Eleven: Be Bold, And Mighty Forces Will Come To Your Aid
To Lead Or Not To Lead - "Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to become a person of substance." Boldness is the watchword as Felisha and Alla approach mutually assured destruction, while Randal and Rebecca finally complete that freaky mind-meld they've been working on. After a disastrous Microsoft promo video, we quickly go to an Excel final two, as the remaining members of the Bloven are sent packing. |
2005.12.01 2005.12.05 |
A- |
Jacob |
| 4-10 Recap |
Lesson Ten: Keep It In The Aughts
Shaniagans! - Excel and Capital Edge take it to the limit, horse-and-buggy style, celebrating the life and smell of Shania Twain. PM Randal overcomes PM Alla for like the hundredth time, thanks in largest part to a bad Adam idea, but also because Rebecca and Randal totally serve them up a nice hot cup of industrial espionage. |
2005.11.24 2005.11.25 |
B+ |
Jacob |
| 4-9 Recap |
Lesson Nine: Your Life Is Not The Truman Show
One-Hit Blunder - It's international a-go-go as The Sovereign Nation of Clay is tread on for the last time by new team Excel. Alla, Adam, and Capital Edge PM Felisha are revealed as the blandest kids in Blandonia, and thereby win the task, adorably. Meanwhile, Randal and Rebecca take a short trip to Fake Nigeria, where they are busted for lots of little things by Trump. |
2005.11.17 2005.11.20 |
B+ |
Jacob |
| 4-8 Recap |
Lesson Eight: If There Is No "Try," You're All Screwed
Store Wars - If you've heard of this "Star Wars" thing, you might understand this episode, but...I, for one, have never heard of it. In fact, the only people who have are Trump and Randal, but this doesn't save Excel from a crash-and-burn that leaves both Brian and Marshawn in the wreckage. Meanwhile, Clay proves me right about him one hundred more times. |
2005.11.10 2005.11.13 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 4-7 Recap |
Lesson Seven: If You Can't Say Anything Well…
Back To School - Team Excel -- PM Randal, Marshawn, Rebecca, and Brian -- teach a class on making yourself stand out. Capital Edge (PM Adam, Markus, Felisha, Clay, and Alla) make themselves stand out, all right -- as total fools -- teaching a class about Sex In The Workplace. Then Donald Trump freaks your brain out. |
2005.11.03 2005.11.09 |
A+ |
Jacob |
| 4-6 Recap |
Lesson Six: Don't Swing When You're Selling
Take Me Out To The Boardroom - The newly-aligned Excel and Capital Edge go head-to-head in a Dick's Sporting Goods Event that leaves Excel down four players: PM Josh, Jenthura, Mark, and James. Meanwhile, PM Alla and her new Capital Edge get crazy all East-Hamptons-style. |
2005.10.27 2005.11.02 |
A- |
Jacob |
| 4-5 Recap |
Lesson Five: Swing When You're Winning
Lost In Space - Capital Edge gains the Randal Edge, and Brian offends Markus's delicate sensibilities, on a task promoting the quasi-sequel to Jumanji. PM Jennifer and Kristi get all kinds of mud-slinging mad in an explosive boardroom that ends with a whimper -- namely Carolyn's -- as Kristi is sent home as the fourth social scapegoat running. |
2005.10.20 2005.10.26 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 4-4 Recap |
Lesson Four: Strap It Back
Ice Cream Of Genie - Whether it's your unearned sense of superiority or anything else you like to swing around, this week we learn to tone it down and let it speak for itself, and take our punches where they fall. In a promotional campaign for Dairy Queen, Felisha finally takes out Toral -- a devoted member of the militant anti-milkshake-ist sect -- while Clay cracks the whip enough to satisfy even Josh and Mark. |
2005.10.13 2005.10.19 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 4-3 Recap |
Lesson Three: Whoring It Up For The Community
Something Old, Something New - Toral, Rebecca, and Clay show their true colors (Supercilious Superiority Salmon, Steely Blue, and Undermining Aubergine), while Mark shows his stupid hick teeth some more. Excel PM Randal leads his team to victory in the "Tech Expo" and Jen W.'s hideous layout gets her gone. |
2005.10.06 2005.10.12 |
B- |
Jacob |
| 4-2 Recap |
Lesson Two: Leave It On The Playground
There's No "I" In Team - After several mistakes with their Lamborghini ad campaign, including a semiotic misstep equating the car with the rise of fascism in mid-twentieth century Italy, Team Excel's PM Chris basically asks to be sent home by choosing to put the team's hatred of Markus ahead of properly-assigned blame. Trump obliges. |
2005.09.29 2005.10.05 |
B+ |
Jacob |
| 4-1 Recap |
Lesson One: Don't Make People Hate You
Let's Get Physical - Trump tries and fails to teach Markus and Melissa that not being a total jerk-off is the first key to success, as they drive their respective teams, you and me, an entire gender, the Viceroys, and Trump himself to utter rage. The first task, selling extra-cost fitness classes at two different Bally's gyms, gives the men the early advantage, but Markus loses his exemption from next week's Boardroom. After a slightly post-feminist and hugely insane episode-long rant about God knows what, Melissa goes home without having learned a damn thing. |
2005.09.22 2005.09.28 |
A- |
Jacob |
| Extra |
Trumptastic!
Trump: Unauthorized - In this rather wretched Donald Trump biopic, we learn that Ivana had an awesome accent, Marla was kind of dumb and trashy, and Trump's father was mean. "Earth-shattering" doesn't even begin to describe the shattering of the earth that ensues. |
2005.05.24 2005.06.07 |
D |
Miss Alli |
| 3-17 Recap |
The court of public Trumpinion
Finale - In this weird, stilted, abbreviated finale, Trump sits atop a judge's bench in a courtroom of his own making, repeating many of the questions he already asked Kendra and Tana, and then hiring Kendra because Tana was such a jerk to her team. Aside from whatever's going on with Boyfriend Bill's teeth, there's not all that much news. |
2005.05.19 2005.05.25 |
C |
Miss Alli |