...And Wash Away The Rain

S01E03

Everything has a Schwarzschild radius, in layman's terms a gravitational limit, proportional to its mass. If something's smaller than its own Schwarzschild radius, it's a black hole. The Schwarzschild radius then becomes the event horizon, the line of gravity that surrounds the black hole, pulling you in. The good news is that the Schwarzschild radius of a sphere with density equal to critical density is the whole universe. Meaning that if you assign something a density that you can't look directly at, it will suck you in every time, but if you can see things as they are -- if you can taste the rain -- you get the universe in return. Aeryn's black hole has a Schwarzschild radius equal to the horrors she's perpetrated, and the ones she's let go on and on without complaint, and her own fear of the world outside; these episodes are her first tutorial. What's brilliant is that -- even in PK Tech Girl -- we never look directly at it, the action and the A-plot are always peripheral, and you -- like Aeryn -- have to do the math yourself. Which is the point: What's the difference between a black hole and a wormhole? A black hole has no point of escape: you hit the singularity and that's it, game over. But wormholes are two-way communication, two black holes (no white holes in this universe) joined up gap-to-gap. The difference is a voice calling back to you across that black gravity, saying "Come home."

But why are you talking about black holes and the Schwarzschild radius? Check out the ship in the screen, which has been steadily blowing itself up the whole time I've been going on and on. John notices the green energy surrounding the ship, but before he can ask what it is, there's a tiny ship onscreen, and Pilot sends them its transmission. We see two effed-up looking aliens, Ilanics, who are like Luxans but with longer, fruitier tentacles and horribly sing-song voices. I mean to tell you that you have never heard anything like the way these freaks talk. There's a girl one, who's a dead ringer for Debi Mazar, with extra creepy. Her name is Matala, and her game is a little confusing. The other one is Verell, an elderly scientist who looks like Snarf's grandfather. Matala goes, "Please! Help us. Power's malfunctioning. Life support gone." That's all I'd need to hear, that voice, to drop their asses cold, but there's something going on with D'Argo's face where you know for sure that this is not going to happen. He abruptly switches stance and says to bring them aboard, Pilot grumbling all over the place about D'Argo's fickleness. "We have our consensus," says Zhaan, even though I'm sure Rygel would disagree, and Aeryn too. "Deploy the docking web." The easy rhythm of Zhaan and D being in charge, I love it so much, because he's young and she's old, and Rygel doesn't actually care.

Aeryn and Crichton join D'Argo in the docking bay. His dander's all up, and she's looking, predictably, way stressed. The three of them board the shuttle. D'Argo carries Verell out, and Crichton picks up Matala, which is intriguing, because science v. war gets really mixed-up and blendy in this one. Murmuring comfortingly to Matala, John deposits her outside and goes back for more survivors, even though the thing's about as big as a Malibu and it's clear there aren't any. He gets smacked with some of the green electric energy, which travels from his hand to his head, and things go trippy. D'Argo comes back in and tells him several echoey times that there's no one else aboard. John is clearly in a state, all wacky-faced: "Yeah, I heard you the first time." Credits, as we consider what life would be like if John's ass were crazy.

Zhaan and Rygel watch the Ilanic ship disintegrate outside. Zhaan complains some more about how there might still be people left. The thing goes up in green flames and Rygel giggles. "Not anymore." Rygel's pretty great in this episode.

Docking bay: Verell explains that they weren't even aware of any trouble until the "phase couplers" were just completely "overloaded," and then they had to bounce. He confirms that he and Matala were the only people on the cruiser. Matala moans at John about whether he's hurt. I think she's trying to be sexy, but (a) she looks like hell and (b) she talks like she's just slipped herself a mickey. John says he's "a little tingly," and assumes he touched something live, but Matala says they were all shut down. Guess he's "tingly" for another reason, but I don't think it's the reason she thinks. In a moustache-twirlingly creepy (but no less wacky) fashion, she tells Verell that the cargo is fine. "No damage to containment." Their Schwarzschild radius, the secrets they're not telling, are covered. So of course Aeryn's in there like gangbusters, asking about the cargo, and Matala totally scoffs about how she's not telling any Peacekeeper shit. John and D'Argo (very sweetly and cool): "We all have escaped from the Peacekeepers. She is one of us now." Aww. Aeryn's like, "Yeah, I'm in the gang, all very heartwarming, yadda yadda. What's in the box?" Verell corrects them -- he also talks the stupid Ilanic way, but not as awfully -- that it's more like "scientific apparatus" or whatever, and he says "apparatus" in a new way I've not before heard. It's not exactly like the Brit way; I don't know, he's probably Australian because he's a guest star on this show. Also, D'Argo says the word "again" in a really fucked-up way, and he says it a lot. Verell says they've been "studying deep space gravitational fluctuations," and that they were headed toward rendezvous with another cruiser when they blew up. He asks if Moya can take them the rest of the way, and without a pause D'Argo pledges that their ship is his. John and Aeryn grin, bemused, throughout all this, I think mostly due to the zany intensity with which D's been doing everything since he saw the Ilanics' transmission. Which is, admittedly, kind of hilarious and loveable in its shift-key screamology. Verell thanks him and D'Argo takes Matala to input the rendezvous coordinates. Matala pushes Verell into his chair and tells him to "rest and revitalize," then flirts a little more with John.

Matala and D'Argo bounce; John goes into some kind of bizarre petit mal and has this totally icky vision of himself being molested by Matala from behind, with stupid noises, and her tongue going crazy. Disturbing, not sexy. He flips back to the bay, with Aeryn, and has kind of an ambivalent boner about it. Aeryn's like, "Dude?" and he doesn't know what just happened, but instead of saying anything about it -- which would be weird, yes -- he babbles. She archly suggests he "rest and revitalize," and it's totally adorable, but he's not having it because he's too freaked out, so he just sighs and agrees, mind kind of blown. I hope that gross shit happens a whole lot more, because it didn't bother me at all.

In Command, Rygel starts in almost immediately about how they deserve to get paid richly for saving the science kids, and Matala's like, "Yeah, that was awesome when you saved us from getting blown up. Thanks on that one." Rygel pushes and D'Argo gets wild on him about how they're his "friends" and stop conning them, and Rygel laughs. So D'Argo grabs him by the earbrow and twists (ignore it, things are already weirdly sexual as it is), explaining that Ilanics and Luxans are "genetic cousins," who've been "blood allies" for a thousand years. He begs the Ilanicss' pardon: "His manners match his size." Pilot notifies them all that the rendezvous is twelve hours away (incidentally, this is also the amount of time that it takes for the Luxan mating ritual), and D'Argo offers Matala a snack. She says no, but asks him to help her get something for Verell. So it's like a date, or something. Twelve hours to go!

Aeryn, Zhaan, and Crichton are chatting about the Ilanics. Aeryn is, of course, dubious: "Do you actually believe someone would send a cruiser with only two scientists all the way out here just for research?" Zhaan is, of course, self-obsessed and superior: "There are many species who seek..." And John, of course, checks out. There's another horrible sex sequence with Matala, and he almost hurls himself across the room when he gets back. So you're thinking, pheromones or mind control or something, right? Good. Zhaan's like, "You okay, Tiger?" But instead of asking about this or bringing it up, he pretends it isn't happening. And there's a certain Schwarzschild radius pertaining to horniness going on with both of our boys, which has an elegant symmetry of its own. You've got a Luxan and a human, okay. And they're on this ship, with no other Luxans or humans to be seen. And they're guys, and you know how guys are. So that's maddening. But then out of nowhere, somebody shows up who's a "genetic cousin" of the Luxans, and she's reasonably sexy (there's a substantial amount of jiggle in her wiggle, although John's still got her beat there), and the amount of war v. science that surrounds her, the black gravity of her, is at the least a sexual disappointment to D'Argo. Now, if only there were somebody sexy onboard who was a "genetic cousin" of humanity, we'd have ourselves a...oh.

Aeryn: "I just don't trust them. The female especially." John stutters, because as usual, Aeryn's a step ahead of not only him, but the plot. "She's clearly leading D'Argo around by his mivonks, and I think she's having some sort of affect on you." John calls this "BS" and protests that she's "an entirely different species," which is to say they aren't even genetic cousins -- there's no Katralla kiss, no other side to the black hole -- and as he's about to say something that might be taken the wrong way by certain other ladies in the room, he has another one. This one is particularly yucky: Matala, hissing and moaning, holding John up against the ceiling, about to do something that...it seems painful, but she says he'll like it, and it looks like maybe she's going to eat him starting with his bellybutton and/or give him a blowjob. Any other day, I'd be like, "Let's see where this is headed," but I just cannot take Matala. "I'm gonna get some air," he wows, and walks off. Then the cutest thing ever, when Aeryn yells, "We have air in here!" and then turns to Zhaan: "What is the matter with him?" And Zhaan shrugs: "...He is Crichton." Ha! (But also, "Aww." And I'm not even going to go off on the whole "we have air in here"/"we have Aeryn here" thing that just happened there, because my goal is to write ten recaps in a week, but isn't that cool or sad or sweet?)

D'Argo totally interrupts Verell and then says he doesn't want to interrupt him, and Verell's like, "The only person I've been hanging out with for the last year is fucking Matala. Interrupt, please." D'Argo stammers cutely that some might think that situation would be like okay or whatever, and Verell chuckles. "You find her...desirable?" D'Argo immediately starts apologizing, and Verell points out that he's a billion years old, and they are "just colleagues." "If you want her, then by all means begin the Luxan Chase." (Tick tock, Ka D'Argo!) D'Argo dissembles and we won't know why for a very long time. (He's daring himself, like with the Orican, but Chiana's going to actually be the red slice cutting through his Schwarzschild radius -- the reason she counts is that she's not a Luxan or reasonable facsimile thereof, just like Lolaan was, and because both this episode and "Vitas Mortas" are retarded and don't count.) Verell's like, "Whatever but she's totally sniffing your chili LOL."

Speak of the chili-sniffer. Matala comes in and thanks D'Argo for letting them borrow his workbench. Um, you're welcome? "Are you repairing something?" she asks, picking up some kind of Luxan thingy. "Uh, building something." She deduces that it's a "shilquin," and we don't know what that is yet, and when we find out in four weeks, we'll wish we hadn't, because it's very, very heartbreaking. He's all, "You like Bendis too?" like they are soulmates, and she wriggles and undulates and is gross some more. "I've always taken special interest in Luxan objects. The workmanship is exquisite. Your hands are quite skilled." John comes in calling for D'Argo before she can single that entendre up for him, and John gets bashful when he sees Matala, because...you know how you might have a sex dream about somebody innocuous, like a coworker or something, and then the day you see them and you want to put on all the clothes you ever owned and also a blindfold? Now imagine that person is a totally freaky Debi Mazar alien who's sniffing everybody's chili. D'Argo, adorably, gets very yelly and hail-fellow-well-met with John: "Friend! Crichton!" They are both so out of their minds, it's awesome. John begs D to come conference with him, and D'Argo hesitates and then follows him out. Alone with Verell in the bay, Matala hisses. "Trouble."

John asks D'Argo if Ilanics have magic chili powers like pheromones or mind control or something, "psychic Spanish Fly," because he's wigging. D'Argo gets very huffy and wants to know what the problem is, and John shakes his head, reading him perfectly. "No, no no. This has nothing to do with you." He tries to talk about the sex stuff, mucking it all up as usual, trying to make it clear that this is not coming from his direction, and just making it worse and worse. "...It's real. I can feel her. I can touch her." D'Argo invades his space a little bit and orders John to remove her from his thoughts and stop fantasizing. John's like, "I'm trying," but D just growls and stomps off.

Flash, and John's got Aeryn suddenly there demanding to know where D'Argo is, and whether or not he's still puppy-dogging the Ilanics. He's disoriented, so Aeryn waves her hand around in front of him, then disappears. He wows some more, and then Aeryn approaches, demanding to know where D'Argo is, and whether or not he's still puppy-dogging the Ilanics. He's disoriented, so Aeryn waves her hand around in front of him. "Did you hear me?" He's like, "Yes, dude. Twice." She pronounces him "odd" and takes off. John starts talking to himself, like always. "That just happened. That was real. That happened. Which means...I'm not hallucinating. So if I'm not hallucinating, then...I'm seeing the future." Matala shimmies past in the corridor and gives John some amount of heat. "Oh, boy. That's the future." Fight the future!

John gives himself the Oh God face in his bathroom mirror, and then flashes to the bay, where Verell's just been royally shanked. D'Argo rushes past him, to check Verell, and behind them, Matala creeps up, snapping first D'Argo's neck and then John's. Back to his quarters, where he tries valiantly to counsel himself: "Get a grip, man. You don't know you've come unstuck in time." Somebody screams.

John catches D outside the bay and begs him not to go in. "Matala's in there and she's gonna try to kill you. Me. Us. And stab Verell. I don't know, she might have already done it." D'Argo admits to being disgusted by "this clumsy ruse," and I have to say I'm kind of disgusted by this clumsy plot point, because Matala's not actually doing anything to D'Argo, so why's he being so stupid? I've never dated a Luxan. Maybe it's just that easy. John begs him to listen and D'Argo just storms around about how bad John wants Matala. "Look, open your ears...or your tentacles...or whatever orifice it is you listen with. I think the woman is dangerous." The thing about femmes fatales is that you are supposed to want to bone them, and that's what gives the archetype power. I don't even want to look at Matala, I just want to smack her. Verell comes out of the bay, into the hallway, and exposits that Matala's off with Aeryn. That should go beautifully. D'Argo offers Verell some tea and they take off back inside to drink it. John, alone: "This is not happening. It's not. It's just not happening."

Aeryn and Matala are walking down a corridor; Aeryn's thanking Matala for joining her. Matala says she's "really in the mood for some physical activity." Aeryn avoids bitch-slapping her for talking like that, but she's really just biding her time. They bump into John, and Matala explains that they're going to "partake in some physical conditioning" together. John's glad, because that means they'll be down in cargo bay for a while working out, which means he has time to...do whatever he's going to do. Clearly the plan doesn't involve the correct measure of telling anybody besides D'Argo what's going on in his pants, his mental pants I mean, so I don't know. Aeryn snidely says they'll be down there "as long as [Matala] can keep up." Matala fronts awesomely, as though to say "About this long, bitch," and takes John's hand roughly in hers. "How's your hand?" The way she did it was very abrupt and kind of scary, but certainly made the point. Aeryn takes off without her, calling over her shoulder, and Matala drops his hand. John takes off in the opposite direction, rubbing his hand on his pants in a very funny, kind of OCD-furious way. I know, right?

Rygel is gorging on food cubes in the galley when Zhaan enters. "Zhaan! Did you see how much food D'Argo gave those Ilanics? Well, he's not getting my share!" So he's apparently going to eat all his share at once, which somehow makes total sense, actually. "Rygel. You've been aboard Moya longer than anyone else except Pilot. You know her sounds and her rhythms. Just stop and listen to her for a moment." Wasn't she also onboard for like 900 years? I mean, it's a good scene, and I like the idea, and I like the line. And I really, really like the way everybody secretly understands that Rygel has a basic symbiosis with Moya that goes beyond his years aboard. Just seems like Zhaan would take the opportunity to go on and on about how only she really knows what's going on with Moya, because only she is sensitive enough to Moya's sounds and rhythms in a some kind of loving womblike womanspace or whatever. Vegetables! Rygel gives it a good two seconds and then goes back to eating: "Moya sounds fine." Oh, here we go: "Does she? Not to me. Something feels...out of balance." Um, it's obviously the "phase disruptors" or whatever. Come on.

This bit is both good and bad, because it provides a major plot point for the episode, gives you some serious visual symbolism about the Peacekeepers and Aeryn herself, and is wonderfully done. On the bad side, women always fight over men, never on their own terms, and when you call each other sluts and whores that only makes it easier for guys to call you that too. On the other hand, though, it totally fits the horniness quadrille described above. I think my issue is that it's plot, not character, driving the conversation -- the show wants us to compare and contrast the sexuality of Aeryn and Matala, so it sticks words in their mouths. I bet it was hard, as an actor, to do some of these lines. The squared circle in which their "physical conditioning" is a mat, maybe six yards on a side, emblazoned with the Peacekeeper emblem. Which we've seen before, but it's never taken up the whole screen, so let's get that out of the way. The PK symbol is taken from a Third Revolution Russian agitprop poster from 1919, and people get really excited about it because it's one of maybe five things that even if you're completely disinterested in this stuff, you have to pay attention to it, because the way it's used is always choreographed to an almost balletic extreme. It's a red Communist wedge breaking through a white area, into black. The black space into which it's intruding is soft and curved, the red wedge is pointed and hard. Okay?

So Aeryn and Matala stand on the mat and assume lovely, angular stances, and begin to fight. "I suppose Peacekeepers don't need to know that much. Their females have no need for science or culture...even the art of attracting males," says Matala. See what I mean? They're evenly matched, so it's not like she has even a competitive reason to start by calling Aeryn ugly and frigid. Aeryn stands on the red wedge, Matala in the soft white place. "Unlike females who can only achieve their goals by seducing male after male?" She knocks Matala's shit to the floor, and then helps her up. "I guess we both have our unique talents." See, introducing girl weirdness into this just confuses the issue, because it makes Aeryn seem like she needs to become a woman. That's not it at all, she needs to become a person. I mean, still, it's meant to reverse the D'Argo/John stuff (Matala is a real woman, Aeryn is not; but really it flips and Matala is a lie, Aeryn is the truth) so it works on that level, but it's weird when all of a sudden you see Aeryn get pulled into some kind of Betty and Veronica bullshit out of nowhere. Especially since she's already said like five times she's jealous of the weird sex vibe going on with Matala and John. I guess she's allowed to be jealous. I don't know what my problem is. I think I just hate Matala and I hate this episode and I love Aeryn, and that makes me what? Biased. "Are we through here?" asks Aeryn, since the scene has served its entire purpose, as far as we know, but then Matala does this kind of terrifying cobra scorpion thing with her hand in the air, striking down on a shoulder nerve, knocks Aeryn out. "I thank you for the exercise," she says, and stalks off. And she's not talking like Matala anymore. She's talking like a hissing horrible snake. It's just as obnoxious but it kind of apologizes for the other voice. Matala's interesting, I guess.

Back to an overhead shot: Aeryn unconscious, almost completely contained within the red PK wedge, one hand thrown over the line and into the white. It's the percentage of her that's so far out of her black radius: the hand he's holding. And as though that wasn't enough of a slap to the head that you should pay attention (no camera angle is by accident; it's weird how you eventually have to realize that nobody ever just dropped the camera and let it roll, except student filmmakers), one leg is cocked up (there's a discontinuity here as well, slightly, that tells you she was positioned this way for the shot and I'm not always making this shit up): Trump XII, the Hanged Man. (Originally "the Traitor," okay.) The Hanged Man's about going through turmoil and storm in order to change: not because you're strong enough to ask for it, but because the universe demands it of you. The saint who looks demonic, unrecognizable, anathema to the people she leaves behind, heading out of the red and into the white, dragged by that one tiny hand. The woman becoming something different, something better; the woman dying in her change. The woman just beginning her tutorial. The woman who could be more.

Not even this bullshit episode, dude. Not even this one is without beauty. Zhaan approaches Matala in the corridor, asking if she can remember any tiny symptoms of trouble before their cruiser exploded. Matala gets pissy but still talks with a xanbar up her ass, repeating that there was nothing "until the phase couplers overloaded." Zhaan presses her about it, and Matala finally tosses her hair, all "What does it matter now? Our ship is gone." Zhaan totally calls her worthless: "Perhaps Verell will help." Matala's all, "Fabulously whatever. Hey's what's up with Crichton's chili?" Zhaan rocks so, so hard here: "Far too complex, I'm afraid, for you to know in the short time that you'll be here. I suggest you shouldn't try." Talk to me in a week, Blue. That rocked!

Rygel is...still eating. I really like him this week, and I'm starting to wonder if it's just that he's used so surgically (and so sparingly!) in the story. John comes in mumbling crazily. "D'Argo and Matala...Matala...I can interrupt these future events...I gotta..." He talks to Rygel, in the way that he looks at Rygel and seems to be addressing Rygel, but not so much in the way where he makes sense. "I need to keep people from...from seeing each other." Rygel asks if it's really necessary for John to "gibber" while he's eating, "or at all," and then flashes to the bay, where Verell's just been royally shanked ("Damn."). D'Argo rushes past him, to check Verell, and behind them, Matala creeps up and John grabs her by the cobrasnake, all, "I don't think so!" but then he flashes back to the galley, slamming Rygel's face into the table. Hooray for the future! Rygel chokes on the food he's still downing, and Zhaan comes in demanding to know what the hell is going on with John. Finally. He's like, "This is gonna take a lot of explaining." Which perhaps wouldn't have been true if you weren't so scared of your own lovely pants.

Matala, Verell and D'Argo are in the docking bay, where we're adding another layer to the proceedings: D'Argo's about to end up having to keep a secret, which means half the time he's being weird, it's not for the reasons that John thinks, which when combined with the time stuff means that he ends up with not a lot of personal reality either. Which is fine -- I really don't mind when the characters get suborned and shoehorned into John's story -- except that this episode is pretty much about D'Argo, from a plot standpoint, so he's doing like triple duty: antagonist, protagonist, symbol. Verell admits to D that they weren't doing research so much as field-testing a new weapon. How'd it work? You saw how well it works. The whole thing is a war between the Ilanics and the Scorvians that started three years ago, that D'Argo didn't know about because he was in jail on Moya. I don't know if this ever comes up again, but I do know that we will never, ever see a Scorvian. Which is fine, because they are apparently assholes. Matala admits that they didn't immediately understand that the containment field was necessary -- which is either stupid or a total lie, considering what the weapon is made of -- and that it was the breakdown of their cruiser that helped them understand they needed to shield it. "Luckily," says Verell, "we were able to save the weapon. It's in our shuttle." Which is where you say, "How about we just kind of shoot you toward the rendezvous point and we never, ever talk again?" But D'Argo's dumb this week. He at least asks if that puts Moya in any danger, and Matala says the containment field will protect her, and everybody else. There was a condom machine in a bathroom in Liverpool that said something like, "Safety tested and verified by the British Government" or whatever, and somebody had graffitied underneath that, "So was the Titanic!" I always think of that in these situations.

Instead of taking this new opportunity to toss them out, D'Argo whines about how he feels like they don't trust him or they would've told him this before. Verell says, nonsensically: "You are a Luxan but you also are...were...a prisoner. We cannot be certain of your loyalties." Like, if they're to evil? What does that mean? D'Argo's like, "Are you over it yet?" and instead of answering the question or anything, Matala backs up to the beginning of this paragraph talking about how even though the containment field is rockin' awesome, and even though everybody's in no danger, it's still worth it to kill Moya with the weapon if that's necessary. "Whatever the risks to the ship, it must be taken. Without this weapon, millions more Ilanic lives will be lost." Which is not only not an answer, but also negates the last answer, not to mention how at the beginning of the conversation they admitted to both lying and being creepy. Instead of asking questions about the six different kinds of shady they're being, he assures them they can count on him.

Things go nuts right about now. John sits in Zhaan's quarters and picks up a blue glass mask from its pillow, on a cabinet. It looks like her. I don't remember if we ever find out what it's for, but for some reason I think it has spiritual significance. Well, specific to the Delvian Seek, not the regular kind (It's always masks with her: Stark's, even the Doctor in "Die Me, Dichotomy," but if I talk about why that is I'll get more hate mail, so just whatever. Duh.) She tells him the concept of "future flashes" is fascinating, and you can see her in total Melfi mode, like, "If you believe it, and it does sound interesting, that's important enough to believe you" or whatever. John laughs and admits maybe he's just actually going "bonkers." "...I guess it's about time for that to happen," he mumbles, and it's a thread running all along the bottom of the story here: the inevitability that strangeness will accrete and he'll just lose his shit. It's funny right now. Zhaan says that if it's true, he should just be able to alter the events and thus change the future. He thought of that already -- "Just lock myself in my room and wait for them to leave" -- but that his presence isn't the problem: "But Matala could still murder Verell -- and D'Argo -- if that's what she intends to do. I just don't know why she would want to kill us. I don't know what the gain is..." Overstimulated, he drops the mask, and it shatters. As does her face. It's a very Connecticut moment; she's like, "No big whoop" as he's apologizing, but you can tell she's bummed. At least it's not about what a jerk he is this time, it's just awkward. John brings up her trepidation at Verell's explanation for the phase imbalance, and she admits that it gives her pause, so John says it's time "the old goat spilled his guts."

John storms into the bay yelling for Verell, "You've been lying to...uh..." Matala's alone, asking calmly why he would do that, and he shouts for Verell. "You need to calm down...rest and revitalize. I have a technique that just might..." Yuck. John grabs something heavy and tells her to back off. He calls her "Nature Girl," which is funny, and demands to know what really happened to the cruiser, and why she's going to kill Verell. Matala drops, and we swing around on why: D'Argo enters and draws the Qualta, seeing John standing over his girl with a big stick. "D'Argo, help me. He knows the truth. He threatened to tell the others, make them turn against me unless I pleasured him," and all that. John denies, and D'Argo runs him through just as Verell enters, asking D what the hell is going on. Matala totally kills Verell and D'Argo.

The mask reverses in time, coming together in John's hand. Zhaan says that if it's true, he should just be able to alter the events and thus change the future. He tried that already -- "I just did, I changed the future and I made it worse!" -- and, overstimulated, he drops the mask, and it shatters. As does her face. It's a very Connecticut moment; she's like, "No big whoop" as he's apologizing, but you can tell she's bummed. At least it's not about what a jerk he is this time, it's just awkward. "I'm ... sorry," he says, and she tells him it's all right. "Again," he says grimly.

Commercial, and then John's crushing the pieces of the mask in his hand, frustrated: "This time instead of Matala snapping my neck, D'Argo skewers me with his Qualta blade!" He realizes that the Ilanics have something on D'Argo, and Zhaan offers to speak to him, which pisses John off: "Talk? What, to give me a character reference? I just felt the blade slice through my guts! Okay?" Aeryn runs in shining bright, actually excited and smiling: "I just found something out! Matala is not Ilanic, she's Scorvian. Her Ilanic appearance must be the result of genetic surgery." She stands, proud and akimbo, as Zhaan asks how she knows. "She fights like a Scorvian!" Problem-solving and fighting: all mixed-up and bendy in this episode, but also for once Aeryn's figured out something instead of being the muscle, and it's all over her face. John's amazed: "The workout -- you set that up? You saw her moves? You saw the..." and he does the scary cobrasnake move. Aeryn cocks her head. "Scorvian Neural Strike, yeah. How do you know about that?" John sighs: "Saw it in the future." She asks what that means, and instead of telling her -- because I think of the whole sex radius thing he can't look at -- just says it's a long story and they can discuss it later: "Of course, I'll probably be dead three or four more times by the time you ask, but ..." Heh. Aeryn gives him the usual WTF but Zhaan interrupts. "Crichton is right. We may not have much time. If Matala truly is a Scorvian agent, then perhaps she is only with Verell to spy on him."

John's like, "If by spy you mean shank! Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me? And also, they're not doing research, they are doing Bad Science, and D'Argo's in on it!" Aeryn goes all Solution = Rifle and offers to beat them up, and John points out that D'Argo is currently smoking Ilanic jock. Zhaan suggests that they split the three of them up and talk to Verell alone -- and now Pilot interrupts. These people and their conversations. "Zhaan...I thought you'd want to know, the phase imbalance in Moya's converters is getting worse." Of course it is. But Aeryn, still high on smartness, is adorable: "If there is a problem with Moya, perhaps D'Argo would be helpful in tracking it down?" Zhaan calls him to command, working as smoothly with Aeryn as usual, and he comms in that he'll meet them there. John predicts that "one of the noodle heads" is going to come with D'Argo and talk about how the phase imbalance is totally insignificant, and Aeryn confirms that at least one of them will stay with the shuttle, because of the super-secret fake research. "That would be Verell," says John. A scientist. "He's not gonna leave his work, watch."

D'Argo and Matala are in a cargo hold somewhere between Verell and command, and Matala's all about how the imbalance can't be significant and they are a bunch of babies. John hides behind some crates and listens. (Bad idea, but only because the sexual mirroring between himself and D'Argo means that nine times out of ten, he's going to end up accidentally seeing D'Argo getting off, and then have a fight with Aeryn.) D asks Matala why they can't tell the whole of Moya about the phase imbalance being totally okay, and Matala says they'd just pry into the fake research. "The Scorvians are devious, but I can assure you that no one aboard this ship is a Scorvian spy," D'Argo promises. Oh, D'Argo. She shoves him against the wall all sexy-like, and asks him to join the Ilanic fight. He tells her it's not that simple, and she grabs him by the tenka and starts yanking on it, which causes him to go slightly off. "Is it because of your crimes? Verell told me. He and I have no secrets." D's like, "Nobody on this ship, including Verell, knows my real crime." And you're like, "What?" And Matala's all, "No problem, because that's the Luxans' issue, and then she grabs him by the mivonks for real and tells him "war does not recognize multiple loyalties," and then she goes for a little handjob. "There is only them...and usssss." She's about to start in for real on the job at hand, and Zhaan calls for him again. "We should gooooo." D'Argo's like, "Rassinfrassin fuck it." Poor D'Argo. Poor D'Argo's dick. They head out.

Verell tells the approaching John to leave him the hell alone, and John tells him to come correct because they aren't doing research, they're doing creepy Bad Science, and he also knows they are fighting the "Scorpions," and Matala is one of the Scorpions, and also she is going to kill his old ass dead, so what about that? Verell's like, "You're nuts," and John's like, "And yet. Your science weapon will thusly end up with your slutty enemy, so you tell me." Realizing that he sounds even more nuts than he should, he reminds Verell about the crazy green science that went in his forehead and explains that now he can see the sexy future of death. Verell's like, "Makes sense." What? "Temporal dislocation. Entropic oscillations. Anomalous phase signatures. That would account for the dislocation you are experiencing." John's like, "Which was worse? Crazy or 'entropic oscillations'? Because if I am not crazy, that means I'm going to get freaky with alien Debi Mazar." Verell's not interested in explaining why this is the first thing he thought -- because it has to do with the scary nature of the secret science -- so he changes the subject to his impending death. "What exactly did you see in the future?" John's more interested in the thing in the shuttle, and pushes again: "Exposed to what?" Oh, nothing really. Just a quantum singularity. John shits, of course. But it gets interesting.

"A black hole?" he asks. "A minute particle of one, yes. Its power and application are unimaginable. It is the ultimate weapon." (Sound familiar? When he brings peace, it won't be through war, and it won't be through science.) "You capture a piece of a black hole, and you're gonna to use it as a weapon?" Oh, the horror on his face. Verell points out that the survival of not only the Ilanic species, but also his own ass, now, kind of depends on it. So of course now that we're getting somewhere, fucking Matala shows up, with D'Argo. Having overheard the part where Verell mentioned the possibility of Matala going all cobrasnake on him, Matala and D'Argo get very defensive and start yelling. Verell admits that John said she was a Scorvian imposter, and she totally doesn't even front, just gabbles a second and then cobrasnakes D'Argo. "Aeryn, now!" shouts John, and drops.

Matala starts firing the Qualta all crazy, John begging Aeryn to get her ass into the bay, and Matala kills Verell, nabbing the secret science and boarding the shuttle. John checks on D'Argo as Aeryn finally enters, yelling that Matala sealed the doors so she couldn't get to him. The shuttle gears up and heads out of the bay, but before John can stop her, Aeryn fires directly at the shuttle, because obviously that's what she'd do, because that's how she rolls. Talyn would be proud. Either of them. Just outside the bay, I think, the shot hits right and the shuttle goes all greeny-scary and starts shooting green science all over the place, and John is engulfed in black hole, and the Ilanic shuttle vanishes in the black hole, and then Moya, everything pulled into the center and nothingness.

Zhaan says that if it's true, he should just be able to alter the events and thus change the future. He tried that already. He holds the blue mask in his hand gingerly, pushing a stool away with one foot like it's a bomb about to blow. He places the mask on the floor and stands above it, and treads directly on it, knowingly, watching himself. And takes a seat. The key is D'Argo, something about D'Argo and masks. Every time, it's the divided loyalties between John, D'Argo and the Ilanics that give her the upper hand. Trying to explain the mask to D'Argo just sets him more comfortably at her right hand. If it's not sex, what's the Schwarzschild radius that we're not seeing? What turns this black hole into a wormhole? Where does D'Argo's loneliness come from -- loneliness of such gravity and blackness that his reflexes can't react, and he blinds himself to everything around himself? It's not planets he misses, it's people. It's not his dick, it's his heart.

Aeryn runs in shining bright, actually excited and smiling: "I just found something out!" John steps on her balloon -- " Matala's not Ilanic, she's Scorvian in disguise" -- and Zhaan's like, "Huh?" Aeryn stands, no longer proud, as Zhaan explains that John can now see the future. "The future? He can barely function in the present," Aeryn bitches. She was so happy! Fight the future! More! John catches everybody up for us, sighing loudly the entire time. Aeryn goes all Solution = Rifle and offers to beat them up... "Doesn't work." Zhaan suggests that they split the three of them up and talk to... "Doesn't work." Pilot interrupts. These people and their conversations. "Zhaan..." John thanks him for the phase imbalance update he has yet to give. Pilot wows and John tells everybody to shut up. "D'Argo is the key. As long as he is with Matala, the timeline keeps getting worse and worse. We have to talk to him. Alone. We gotta get him away from Matala." She's not the other end of a wormhole, she's just another black hole. The key is D'Argo's loneliness. "We cannot ask him to come up to command and deal with the phase imbalance," he says, answering Zhaan's question, "Because he's gonna bring Matala with him. We have got...we gotta try something new."

How about Moya's own Hynerian Schwarzschild radius, for starters? The Ilanics and D'Argo are doing...something...when Zhaan enters: "I'm sorry to disturb you, D'Argo. But could you speak to Rygel?" D'Argo's like, "Now what?" He's written a bill for the rescue and transportation of the Ilanics, of course. "He intends to present it...when we rendezvous." Verell's like, "Rude, but doable," and D'Argo freaks out and storms off to show Rygel what for. It's still for show, he's still acting too hard and talking too loud and being too ideal and I am guessing that this is all part of the Luxan Chase, and it is wonderful. Even when it's getting in the way, it's really cute. He storms into some other chamber, where Aeryn, Zhaan and Crichton are waiting to spring the most leather-clad intervention in all of space history.

Matala watches Verell working; he confirms that the "containment field instability problem" isn't really a problem, again, and asks how long until the rendezvous. "Sooner than you think," she hisses. I love how whenever they're alone she acts fifty times creepier. No wonder he doesn't like hanging out with her.

Galley, where D'Argo's resisting the idea that John is seeing the future. "He is convincing enough," says Zhaan, sweetly, and Aeryn says that at the least they should be subduing Matala. I can believe ignoring John, because he is a fuckup, but I would think fighter brotherhood, and Aeryn's undetectable humor, would help D'Argo understand that they're not screwing around. John, very hyper, says they need to get the shuttle out of Moya immediately, and he's very sincere with D'Argo: "Listen, D'Argo, I wish to God Matala was telling you the truth, that you could go off with her and join the Ilanic wars --" D'Argo doesn't know what he's talking about, and John remembers that was in a vision. "Look, Matala's going to offer you that, to keep you off-balance, and to distance you from us." D'Argo wigs, of course, and says it's the other way around. Zhaan begs him to chill out, and he keeps screaming, and then John gets awesome. He barks at the ladies to leave, over D'Argo's protestations that there's nothing to talk about, and they leave the boys alone.

"There is nothing you can say to me that --" D'Argo starts, all Qualtafied, and John tells him to shut the hell up. "In that future conversation when Matala offers you to go to the Ilanic wars, you tell her it isn't possible. You tell her that your crime, the crime that you were imprisoned for, would stand in the way. And not the crime that you told us, not the crime that you say you were imprisoned for, but the real crime. The crime that you've been keeping secret from everybody aboard this ship." D'Argo stares at the black gravity of this; the love between the two of them, the way that John hates that he has to do this, turn D'Argo around to look at the radius of what's pulling him down. Not looking at it because he's strong, but because the universe demands it. "How do you know that? You can't." But he can. Apologetic and loving, eyes bright: "Oh, I do know. And I'm telling you the truth. D'Argo, Matala is the enemy. Look, I'm sorry."

Later, Aeryn notifies John that something's coming, and John says it's the Ilanic cruiser. Pilot's surprised again, because they are still not close to the rendezvous point, but there it seems to be. Aeryn points out, with D'Argo's eyebrows knit, that "like Matala," it could be "Scorvian on the inside." Ouch. John asks how long until they can starburst, and Aeryn says they'll be in the cruiser's gun range long before that. Zhaan asks if they can outrun her, and Aeryn says they can't, but she can outmaneuver the cruiser long enough to keep them safe. So awesome. John tells Zhaan to distract them and get chatty on the transmission, and even D'Argo joins in: "Scorvians look nothing like Ilanics! If they refuse to make visual contact, you have your answer." He's still pissed, but hey! Look at that! All of a sudden the four of them are working in concert, supplying what they've got to supply, and that's never happened before. Fighter, planner, flyer, speaker. That's the opposite of loneliness, the white hole on the other side of D'Argo's fear, the thing that was keeping all four of them divided -- this week -- and all he had to do was look.

The Ilanics on the cruiser are wearing masks -- "We regret that our comm system has a malfunction" -- and they ask to dock. Aeryn, in command, as she takes navigation control: "Don't even bother responding, Zhaan." Even Pilot gets in on the action, ceding her control without a word. Even Rygel helped, sort of! Okay, maybe they won't all die horribly. Except for how they totally do in every episode.

D'Argo and Crichton run into the docking bay and D'Argo tells Verell to get away from Matala. "What are you going to do, D'Argo? Shoot me?" Verell's just like, "I need my prunes! Who are you people? Are you my grandson?" D'Argo says she'll be getting shot but good when those guys in the fake cruiser turn out to be Scorvians, which they totally are. Matala keeps talking crazy -- "No, D'Argo, you'll see. The coming ship, it's Ilanic. D'Argo, trust your hearrrrrrrrt. Your heart knows the truuuuuuth. You can trust me." She then totally grabs Verell as a hostage with a big knife and hisses in her Scorvian voice at them, ordering D to kick the Qualta toward her. D'Argo slides it past her, between some crates. Verell's like, "Are we going to the circus? Where are my pants?" and D'Argo gives his word as a Luxan that she's a Scorvian. Verell gets shanked for like the eighth time and Matala somehow manages to get to the shuttle, D'Argo and John hanging off her like attack dogs. D'Argo takes a billion years to finally extricate the Qualta, and John warns him about how they will all instantly catch black hole death if he shoots the shuttle. "You have to trust me!" Verell slumps and fidgets around on the work bench -- "Back in my day we called it a Model T, and it had a running board, by gum" -- and for some reason decides to set the black hole in the shuttle free. John orders Pilot to starburst, and they get the hell out of there as the shuttle totally crumples and fireballs into the Scorvian cruiser and becomes nothing. Science for war is nothing, it's a black hole with no end at all. Coming out of starburst, Pilot gives the all clear, D'Argo wows, and John apologizes for not seeing the green science blaze future that time.

Galley, where a sated Rygel is facedown on the table. John brushes him off lovingly and calls him "li'l camper" and tells him he looks good. I like it a lot when John is aggressively sweet with Rygel. I have no idea why. There's something having to do with a horrible smell that I don't really wanna know about, and Rygel apologizes, calling it the "back end of a food binge," and admits that it's "very difficult to stop when you get going." Which is, again, the point of Rygel. He asks vainly -- or perhaps just confusedly -- which bit of him it is that looks good, exactly. "The bit that's not jumping back and forth in time." Rygel starts gagging and John teases him adorably with a food cube, and he runs out just as D'Argo's entering. D'Argo heads for the fridge and doesn't really want to deal with John.

"Hey, how ya doin'?" D'Argo says he'll "recover," so gruffly that John laughs. "Yeah? When?" Don't poke the Luxan, dude. "Do you mock me?" D'Argo fronts, and John just sighs. "D'Argo, I mock all of us." John allows as how D'Argo's not the first person in all time that got "his head snapped off by a chick," and D'Argo grumps that he doesn't want to talk about it. "Fine. But I'm right." D'Argo, knowing what's on John's agenda, because as usual it's all over his face, barks that his personal life is not for discussion. So John nods, like he agrees with that, and then asks if D's true crime would be considered part of his personal life. Um? D'Argo again says that they won't be talking about it, and turns to leave, then turns back. Because that moment, that deft handling of the X element, where the existence of the thing is more important than the actual thing, that moment when John looked him directly in the eyes and told him -- by bringing it up at all -- that it was okay, was the moment D'Argo could love him. "Crichton. I am normally unaffected by females during a crisis." John nods, and he continues. "It's just...it has been so long." It's not planets, it's people. "Now that, I understand," John says, and stares far away. "Man, do I understand it."

And then, we can only assume, he heads off to start a fight with Aeryn.