In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Everything is seemingly hunky dory good times on the Farm of Doom, except for the fact that Jimmy is freaked out by Ben and his back nubs. While kids play soccer, the Second Mass fighter escorts are sent back to their home base, to help with the supposed oncoming Skitter attacks. A girl named Tessa has a crush on Hal, of course, and her dad tells her not to get too attached. Apparently EVERYONE on this farm is in on the dastardly shit that's going down! It's no wonder that they're willing to sacrifice little kids to maintain their lifestyle, though -- these bitches even have a vegetable garden.
Clayton gets super smug with Pope who, we learned, broke into the Farm of Doom's shed after stabbing the guy who was guarding it. Pope is disgusted that Clayton and his team have made a deal with "those lizards," and manages to free himself from his restraints and escape with the gun of the guy who was supposed to guard him. On his way out, he sees two of the Second Mass escorts dead under an apple tree, likely killed by Clayton.
Back at the Second Mass, it's been two days and Tom notes that there has been no sign of Skitters or the Third Mass, and the escorts should be back already. He and Dai head off to check out the farm, despite Weaver's misgivings. Meanwhile, it's dinnertime at the Farm of Doom and Rick is a total downer, per usual. He freaks everyone out and then looks at Ben, saying, "How can you eat their food?" Ben is as freaked out by Rick's Skitter solidarity as anyone. Mike, who has stayed at the farm with the kids, is totally embarrassed.
And then! Lourdes makes herself useful for once and finds Eli's backpack. She tells Hal and Mike about it, and Hal points out that the farm's sentries are more focused on watching the house and the barn than the sky. But Mike has known Clayton since right after the attack, and can't believe that anything nefarious is going on. Nonetheless, Mike checks out the barn after hours. As he discovers Eli's stuff, Clayton discovers Mike. He tells him about how the Skitter attacks on the Seventh Mass were relentless, but once they captured Megan, the Skitters left them alone for a week as if to say, "Thanks for giving us your human kid!" Shortly thereafter, a harnessed Megan came with a message: the Skitters just want the kids. They don't really want to fight -- they just want to meet their human kid slave labor quota. Once this message was understood, Terry says, "The arrangement just evolved." So as long as they keep giving over kids, Clayton's people are safe. Mike cannot even believe this shit. But Clayton is wily, and tries to convince Mike to join them, for Rick's sake. Which, wouldn't everybody be happier if they just gave Rick back?
So, as you probably guessed, Mike is honorable and is totally not down for joining up with the evil people. He tells Hal and Lourdes to gather all of the kids because they are getting the heck out of there. Stupid Tessa sees them on their way out and screams for help. As the kids run away, Mike engages in a shoot-out with Clayton and the other evil people. Hal wants to stay and help, but Mike tells him to go, and asks him to take care of Rick. After the kids are gone, it's clear that Mike is seriously outnumbered. He says that he may not be able to stop this, but he won't be a part of it. Clayton comes around the side of the car that Mike is crouching behind, and off in the distance Hal and Rick hear a shot fired.
Meanwhile, Tom returns with the news that the map was wrong and they didn't find anything resembling a farm. He knows something is fishy and wants to send out search teams, but Weaver still wants to follow their fake orders. Tom heads back out with Dai anyway. Hal and the other kids wander the streets of wherever they are, and decide to take a rest in an abandoned house for a few hours. Fucking Lourdes manages to find sheet music for her favorite hymn sitting on the piano. No, I am not kidding. Ben doesn't need a rest, and so volunteers to go ahead and try to get help back at the school. Jimmy is suspicious, but Hal agrees that Ben should go. As Ben is en route, he sees Clayton and his goons hunting for the kids.
Back at the school, Sarah is in labor and her baby is breach! As it happens, Weaver's first baby was breach, and he helped the doula turn her from outside. Anne is willing to try anything if it means that she doesn't have to attempt a C-section. Meanwhile, on the road, Ben fortuitously runs into Tom and Dai and tells them what happened.
At the kid house, Rick is "waiting." Oh my God, just let the Skitters take him and get a week of rest! Clayton and his goons have located the kids, and yell from outside the house for Hal and the others to come out. Clayton says that they're willing to kill a kid or two to capture the others, and Hal tells him to go to hell as he shoots. Just as Clayton gives one of his men the order to take out Hal, there is a shot from behind. It's Pope! Yeah! Clayton and Pope have a shoot-out, and Pope takes a bullet in the leg. Then suddenly Tom is near Pope, telling him to put down his weapon. Pope doesn't have time to explain exactly what he's doing there, but does say that he has no tolerance for anyone who makes a deal with the Skitters.
Tom emerges from the trees and lies that Pope is dead, adding that Porter is on his way. Tom offers himself as a hostage, because he doesn't want the kids to get hurt. He calls out the kids, who come out of the house and are stripped of their weapons. Hal can't believe it, but Tom says that the first rule of combat is survival. They all go back to the Farm of Doom, and ha! The farm is occupied by the Second Mass! Weaver shoots a couple of guys, and then Tom has to off Clayton when he attempts to pull a fast one. That was well deserved. Ben is there, too, and has proved his mettle as a regular old human. Weaver isn't going to actually kill all of the other Farm of Doom folks, but also isn't going to extend an invitation to come and join the Second Mass.
Meanwhile, Sarah's baby is alive and Pope's back with the Second Mass. There's a burial for Mike. Maggie holds Hal's hand, Lourdes sings her favorite hymn, and Rick doesn't even care that his dad is dead because he is still three-quarters Skitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We open with Jimmy running and breathing heavy in slow-motion. Something is in hot pursuit. Is it a Skitter? A Mech? A creepily lurking Ricky? Nay, it is, in fact, a dozen other kids chasing a soccer ball. Yes, it's field day on Doom Farm, and everyone is having a grand time. The security detail stands guard as Hal runs into yet another teenage girl who's hot on his jock. She smiles dopily, because Hal's pheromones are like the equivalent of a Barry White extended remix. Rick sits off to the side, of course, because his favorite team sport is scrap metal collecting. Jimmy has the ball, but though he sees that Ben is open he opts to try to take a shot himself. He fails, and then the girl who is on Hal's jock takes the ball in for a goal for the other team. She does all that in fashionable boots, with her hair down. And I have to take a moment to say that in real life post-apocalyptic scenario you would see a lot more ponytails than you do on this show.
The Second Mass soccer team regroups, giving Jimmy a few additional moments to look askance at Ben. As Hal tells his team that they can make a comeback, the girl on his jock -- whose name is Tessa -- says that with a score of Sanctuary eight, and Second Mass zero, they have their work cut out for them. As Hal tells Tessa that the Second Mass doesn't give up, Lourdes busts through to take the ball and stop this ungodly flirting. Meanwhile, Ben tries to exchange a few words with Jimmy, who tells him to stay away. Poor Ben. And then we see Clayton preparing to take the Second Mass fighter escorts back to the main road. They're heading back to the school, since the Second Mass will need all additional humans who can fire a gun in the event of a Skitter attack. Matt wonders when Tom will join them, and Hal says that it will be a couple of days max until the Third Mass gets to them. What he doesn't know is that in fact, the Third Mass will arrive on the twelfth of never, because their exodus is all part of Clayton's lying lies. Matt looks forlorn, yet still adorably moppet-esque.
Tessa's dad calls her over, because he's noticed that she fancies Hal. I just said, "fancies," like I'm recapping Leave It to Beaver. But the Cleavers never dealt with the dastardly shit that is going down on this farm of human sacrifice. Tessa's dad tells her, "You know why they're here. Just... don't like him too much." Everybody's in on it! That's so fucked up!
Back at Camp Second Mass, Weaver is barking out strategy notes in preparation for the exodus after the Third Mass gets there. He notes that they'll have to move fast and Maggie, who is standing beside an 11-months pregnant Sarah, says that some folks will be able to move faster than others. Weaver asks if Sarah has an ETA for the baby, and she tells him that she was due two days ago. If I were that baby, I wouldn't want to come out either. Weaver suggests that she wait until after they've reached their destination to give birth. She'll get right on that, I'm sure. Sara asks if Weaver has any children, and he says that he has two daughters. She looks sad, which means she must have figured out that they're probably dead. Maggie sends Sarah to the food line, and once she's gone, Weaver tells Maggie that if the attack does happen, Sarah will have to keep up.
Maggie says not to worry about her, and that they'll do what they have to do. Maggie plays off her kindness toward Sarah by saying that if you get in the chow line with a pregnant lady, you can get seconds with no one stabbing you.
Back at the farm, Hal and Tessa flirt like East Coast liberals, which is to say that she brags about how amazing the zucchini from their garden is. They do, in fact, seem to have an impressive bounty of vegetables, fertilized by everything that comes out of Clayton's mouth, and also some Skitter slime. Mike asks Clayton if there were any problems taking the Second Mass escorts back to the road, and Clayton says that no, they're on their way. He didn't see any sign of Skitters and so made a detour by an apple orchard. I'm sure that even in the post-apocalyptic context, someone is charging like $30 for that shit. Pick your own fruit is the biggest ripoff. One time I was literally shoving blueberries in my pants to try to get my money's worth. Okay, maybe not literally.
Mike, with a bit of an edge, says, "Pretty nice setup, Terry. You're settling in." Terry seems slightly offended at the notion that they're getting complacent, and Mike says that he's just used to packing light. Clayton reiterates how secluded they are, failing to mention that they're not secluded enough to avoid biweekly Skitter visitors to whom they are sacrificing children. Tessa's dad tries some of Tessa's soup and then talks about how amazing she is. I think it's just the overall creepy vibe of the place that makes these two seem especially loving, if you get my drift. Also, Tessa is like 47 in real life.
Tessa's dad offers to help Clayton with the "generator," which is code for paying a visit to prisoner Pope. As they enter, Pope says, "I smell asparagus. Which means you're boiling it. Which means you're ruining it." Pope is never more enjoyable than when he's waving his culinary arts certificate around. Clayton, however, does not care about his credentials. He thanks Pope again for the info on the Second Mass, and Pope points out that his confession wasn't exactly voluntary. Clayton tells him it doesn't have to be this way, but Pope, despite his somewhat morally-compromised nature, is not interested in joining forces with the kid traders. He says that Clayton must have done a hell of a Tony Robbins to get the Second Mass folks to hand over their kids. Clayton points out that he served with those people. Weaver's always been by the books, and so was easily swayed by "orders" from Colonel Porter. Tom, of course, would do anything to protect his boys. Pope asks if Clayton really thinks he can deal with "those lizards." As Clayton exits he says it's no longer about winning and losing, but about surviving. But, like, clearly after they can no longer find any other kids to sacrifice, this arrangement is going to become problematic. Or maybe the Skitters will be sated by Tessa's soup. Pope asks where this leaves him, and Clayton says he's right where he was after he broke into their supply shed. Pope notes that, to be fair, it was unlocked. And that's because Pope stabbed Tessa's uncle, who was guarding it. Oh, leave it to Pope.
Pope tries to sell Clayton on his cooking abilities, but Clayton has none of it and leaves. This means that Pope is alone with the guy whose brother he killed. Just when you think Pope is in for it, he springs up! Yes, he's somehow managed to free himself of his restraints, and so has enough mobility to headbutt Tessa's dad with great force. Tessa's dad passes out, and Pope grabs his knife. He holds it over Tessa's dad's body for a moment, but doesn't stab him. Maybe you CAN teach an old dog to eschew fatal violence! Instead, Pope spits on the guy and makes a run for it, carrying a large automatic weapon. He's gotten as far as the orchard, where he stops for a moment to eat an apple. There, under the tree, he finds the two guards whom Clayton was supposed to escort back to the Second Mass. They are dead. As Pope says, "Civilization. You've gotta love it." Can you believe that Clayton killed those guys and then took a moment to go apple picking? He was probably like, "But I paid $20 for this one small bag!"
Back at Camp Second Mass, Tom is preparing to jump on a bike, despite the fact that he's not on patrol. When Weaver questions him he points out that it's been 48 hours and there's been no sign of Skitters OR the Third Mass. At the very least, the farm security escorts should be back by now. Weaver says that they were probably just delayed. By a bullet! Weaver's reasoning is not good enough for Tom, and he says he wants to take Dai and check out the farm. It should only be a couple of hours, and if everything checks out they'll come back. Weaver asks what will happen if the Skitters come while Tom's gone, or if they attack him. He points out that Tom isn't just another "civvy." The whole subtheme of military versus civilians has been underexplored on this show, probably because it's kind of dumb. Tom is going no matter what Weaver says, and finally Weaver just tells him that whatever happens, he and Dai need to come back. They take off, and we head to commercials.
When we return, Tessa's dad is conscious and tells Clayton that he's gone two miles out and there's no sign of Pope. Clayton feels that Pope isn't going to try anything, since he didn't stab Tessa's dad when he had the chance, and coming after them buys him nothing. Tessa's dad asks, "How long are we gonna keep this up?" and Clayton says that it's a lot easier for everybody if the prisoners want to stay there. I guess this means that Tessa's creepy dad is an advocate of just locking everyone up until they can be handed over to the aliens. Show some manners toward your prisoners, brah! Clayton says that this way is easier on everyone, and notes that the exchange is tomorrow so they'll see after that. I'm still hoping that the first Second Mass exchange involves the dream team of Matt and Lourdes.
At dinner, Mike notes that he heard some commotion outside, and Clayton blames it on a coyote. Mike says, "You've got a different scale of problems out here." Truer than you know, my friend. As will surprise no one, Rick is being a total freak at the dinner table. Clayton tries to perk him up by saying how, when he served with Mike, Mike never stopped talking about him. Mike tries to joke that it was mostly good stuff, and Ricky turns to him in his creepazoid way and asks, "What good stuff could that be? How I was sick all the time? How I could barely catch my breath?" Just when you think things couldn't get more awkward, Rick turns to Ben and asks, "How can you eat their food?" Ben is upset enough even at the whisper of being in some sort of harness alliance with Rick that he leaves the table. Mike tells Rick that they're guests of Doom Farm, and apologizes to the others for Rick's bad manners and creeptastic manner of being. Ricky should actually be delighted at their current situation, since he's closer than ever to returning to his Skitter foster family.
Hal gets up to take some dishes to the sink, but Tessa tells him that he gets a pass on chores tonight since he's new. Lourdes mocks Tessa the same way that Karen used to mock Lourdes for being on Hal's jock. Lourdes goes to grab her jacket and her eye catches a bag with a Ski Blue Hills patch on it. She opens it and finds the name, "Eli Russell." Oh my God, Lourdes was finally just good for something. She's going to ruin all the goodwill she's engendered in about fifteen minutes, but for now I'm marginally cool with her and her observational skills.
As Hal is outside surveying the scene, Tessa comes out to flirt with him. She asks what he sees in the sky and he says, "Stars. Captain Kick-Ass up there." They laugh even though that's totally dumb. That's what you do when you want to get laid. Hal knows that the Farm of Doom is ostensibly off the Skitter radar, but says he's surprised that there are no patrols or anything. Tessa flirts some more in response, and Hal starts talking about his dad. He says that this is the first time they've been apart since the attack. Tessa asks if he likes it there, and Hal is all, "Yeaahhh, it's nice," while giving her bedroom eyes. Just then, cockblocker extraordinaire Lourdes scurries out to get Hal's attention. It's for good reason though. Back inside, she tells Hal and Mike about discovering Eli's backpack. She remembers it from when his dad tried to rob the clinic. Mike says that he was there when Clayton let the Russells run, and that perhaps Eli dropped it. But Hal also has suspicions. He points out how odd it is that there are sentries posted on the house, and the shed's locked up tight. Nobody's watching the sky or the road, and it feels like they're more interested in watching the folks from the Second Mass. Hal and Lourdes are both, of course, totally right. But Mike says that he's known Clayton since a week after the attack. It's going to take more than a backpack and suspicious looks to convince him that anything is awry. He tells Hal and Lourdes to go to bed, and that this will look better by morning.
BUT! Mike is smarter than he gives himself credit for, and so under the cover of darkness he heads off to check out the locked shed. As someone watches him covertly, he picks the lock and goes inside. Soon he comes across a pile of kid things, including a jacket with the name "Eli Russell" written inside. That kid really was afraid of losing his stuff, huh? Mike hears a click and turns, and there is Clayton pointing a gun at him. Clayton says that he always liked Mike, which is why he's going to talk instead of shoot, at least for the moment. He sets down his gun and says that the short answer is that Eli Russell was there. The long answer, of course, goes into a whole other universe of fucked-up-ness. Clayton says he can't even begin to tell Mike what it was like when the Seventh Mass went down. Skitters came after them like locusts, and tore them to pieces. The folks on the farm are the only people who survived the raid, and the Skitters were hot on their trail. They'd retreat and defend, but the Skitters kept coming.
One young girl with them, Megan -- who Clayton mentioned in his first conversation with the Second Mass folks -- fell behind. They didn't realize it until the Skitters got her, and so just kept retreating. But then the Skitters stopped and stayed away for a week, almost like they were saying, "Okay, thanks for supplying us with fresh, nubile slave labor!" Also, Clayton surmises that they were thanking the Seventh Mass folks for not attacking, and just letting them keep Megan. A short while later, a harnessed Megan found them and delivered a message from the Skitter in charge of her group -- all they wanted was the kids. They don't want to die anymore than humans do, but they have their missions just like us. Yes, even aliens have quotas. Mike has a look on his face like he can't even believe this shit. Once they understood what the Skitters wanted, Clayton says, the relationship just "evolved."
Mike, slightly trembling with rage, summarizes: "You've been trading kids to the Skitters." Clayton adds that it's in return for immunity for his men and their families. That's why he went after the Second Mass. Mike now knows that the whole part about the Third Mass and Porter's orders was a lie. Clayton tells Mike that this is a messed up world, and this is all they have. He knows that Mike understands this, which is why he asked Mike to come along. Really, he should have asked Anthony, who is always in favor of getting rid of the kids. Mike is too morally sound for these kinds of shenanigans. But Clayton pulls his biggest card, which is telling Mike that he has to think about Rick. How ironic would it be for Mike to make a deal NOT to give Rick to the Skitters? That makes absolutely no one happy!
Back at the Second Mass HQ, pregnant Sarah is about ready to pop. Dr. Glass orders everyone out of the room, but Sarah wants Maggie to stay. Maggie's fine with it, as long as Sarah doesn't try to manipulate her into doing some Lamaze shit. Sarah says that if she has a boy, she's thinking of naming it David. Maggie asks if that's the baby's father and Sarah says that no, if she were naming the kid after her father he'd go by Spermdonor. Spermy for short. Sarah was a work-at-home interior designer and figured it would be no biggie to pop a baby into the picture. She could do meetings on Skype! Because it has that famous "crying infant" audio filter. Sarah preemptively found a play group with other moms, and then six weeks after she got pregnant aliens invaded the planet. So she found a play group when she was like a month pregnant? That seems kind of psycho to me.
Speaking of psychos, Mike is talking to Hal about Rick. He says that before, as sick as Rick was, he'd never complain. Probably because he didn't have the breath to gasp out his list of grievances. And Lord, could Rick make Mike laugh. As opposed to now, when Rick makes Mike get goose bumps and a weird feeling in his stomach. Mike says that he hated when Rick was taken, but he hates what the Skitters did to him even more. With that, Mike picks up a gun and tells Hal to grab his weapon and gather up the others. They're blowing this splintery Popsicle stand! He imparts the news that Clayton has made a deal with the Skitters, and then starts waking the other kids. They scurry down the stairs just in time to run into Tessa, who wants to know what they're doing. Hal wants Tessa to tell him that she didn't know about Clayton's deal with the Skitters, but all she can say in response is, "I was gonna talk to them about you. Fix it so you could stay." That one is definitely not girlfriend material. To wit, she screams for her dad as Mike and the kids run out of the house.
Clayton and his minions are in hot pursuit, and Clayton reminds everyone that they need the little ones alive. Mike tries to fend off the Doom Farm team, crouching behind a car for protection. When there's a short pause in the shooting, Mike tells Hal and Rick to keep going as he tries to keep Clayton at bay for as long as possible. He asks Hal to promise that he'll take care of Rick. Hal reluctantly agrees, because although no one wants to be saddled with that shit you can't really argue with a guy who's getting shot at to protect your ass. Mike grabs Rick and tells him that he loves him always, no matter what happens. He then instructs Rick to stay with Hal, and yells at the two to go. They do, and poor Mike is left alone with the Doom Farm brigade. Tessa's dad asks if Mike thinks that he's somehow better than them. Don't we all at this point? Mike yells back that the Skitters harnessed his son, and he knows what they're doing to these children. Mike might not be able to stop it, but he quite emphatically won't be a part of it. Clayton sneaks around the corner of the car and, while pointing a gun in Mike's face, tells him that the world is falling apart. We cut to the kids running through the woods, with Hal and Ricking briefly pausing as they hear a shot in the distance. I believe that makes Mike the third of four black guys to get prominently killed on this show. If I were Anthony, I'd start getting nervous.
Meanwhile, Tom returns to the Second Mass and imparts to Weaver the disturbing news that Clayton's map was wrong. The area was indeed rural, but there was no Farm of Doom to be seen. There's also been no sign of the Third Mass, and the escorts still aren't back. Weaver gives a husky and shifty-eyed, "Dammit," which is one of the greatest things I've ever seen. He's like my favorite actor of all time. Weaver says that Clayton had no reason to lie to them (OR DID HE?) (Yes, he did, we know that now.). Tom points out that absolutely nothing Clayton told them is holding up. He wants to send out search teams since the place can't be too far away. But Weaver is all, "No way." He says their orders are clear to hold their position, and Tom is like, "Yeah, orders from a douchebag who's selling our kids for his own gain." I mean, he doesn't say that since he doesn't know all that yet, but you get the drift. He's suspicious. Weaver says they're in a dicey situation and don't have a clue about what's really happening, but at this point Tom does not give a darn about Weaver's orders. He and Dai take off again while it's still dark out.
But then suddenly it's daybreak, and the Second Mass kids are walking through a lovely residential neighborhood. It's been quiet for a while, and Hal thinks that they've finally lost Clayton and his gang. Lourdes points out that it's still a long way to the school, and so they decide to take temporary refuge in a house for a few hours, so the little ones can rest. Didn't they make it from the school to the farm in one trip? These kids can't suck it up? I mean, I'm all for taking breaks. But contextually, I question this decision. Matt asks Hal how Mike will find them, and Hal is basically like, "Ummmm." I guess at this point there's a chance that Mike is still living, but it's highly doubtful.
With the majority of the kids asleep in the house's bedrooms, Lourdes spies a piano and walks over to it. It turns out she plays. Due to some divine intervention or a writer who likes to torture us, there is sheet music for a hymn called "Once in Royal David's City" on the piano. Fucking Lourdes says, "One of my favorites." Only this bitch would have a favorite church hymn. And THEN she starts playing! You're going to wake the kids! And attract the very men with guns who are trying to capture you! Pianos are loud, dude. One can only hope that a shot through the window will pierce her just as she is warbling her final "Amen." Hal finds a petrified birthday cake and a dusty bottle of water, while Ben gazes upon Ricky's back nubs and then feels his own. Likely prompted by the fact that he doesn't want to be lumped in the same freaky category as Rick, Ben tells Hal that he wants to go ahead and get help. Hal thinks that they should all stay together, but Ben points out that everyone except him (maybe because of the Skitter blood?) is exhausted. Plus, he can move faster on his own. Jimmy is suspicious, and asks Ben what will happen if he gets lost or just keeps going. Ben is all, "Keep going where?" The "you nubbist douchebag" is implied. Hal says that Ben is right, and the only place he's going is the school. Hal gives Ben his orders, which are basically to run fast if anyone is after him. Ben sincerely and seriously thanks Hal for getting him from the Skitters, and then they insult each other and trade a manly pat on the shoulder.
With that, Ben is running down a road en route to the Second Mass. He's pausing to drink water from a stream when he hears voices -- it is, of course, Clayton and the kidsnatchers. They're on the trail of the kids, and so Ben heeds his orders and runs fast.
Back at the school, Sarah still hasn't given birth after hours of labor, and her baby isn't moving. Anne announces that baby is breach, meaning the head is facing up instead of down and it can't enter the birth canal. Babies are so stupid when they do that. Like it isn't hard enough to be pregnant and give birth in the first place. Sarah assumes that a C-section is in store, but Anne is a pediatrician and not an ob/gyn or a surgeon. Unless she can get Sarah's kid out with a blowtorch, going in through the stomach is not a great idea. Weaver checks in to see if Sarah's going to be able to move if necessary. Anne tells him that the baby is beach, and Weaver calmly springs into action and washes his hands. It turns out that his first baby was breach, and when his daughter was born he helped the doula turn the baby from the outside. Oh my God, Weaver is such a hippie, with his doula and home births! Who knew? Like all of us, Sarah is a little weirded out by this whole strange and convenient scenario, but it's not like she has a lot of other options right now.
And then! Ben runs into Tom and Dai on the road and gives him the overview of the fuckery of Doom Farm, including the fact that Mike is probably dead. Dai is going to take Ben back to the Second Mass HQ, but first Tom wants to know everything. I hope they're sure to take a long time reviewing the details so Clayton has ample opportunity to shoot Lourdes!
At the house where the kids are taking refuge, Matt and Jimmy are playing Battleship. These people seriously don't think they might want to move it? I mean, I love a good board game too, but really. Rick is staring out the window in his alien-loving manner, and Jimmy asks what he's looking at. Rick just says, "I'm waiting." With Mike dead, this is the exact right time to leave Rick on the side of the road for the Skitters to find. Lourdes ruminates on how nice it feels to be eating in a dining room and playing board games, like back in olden times. Hal was always at lacrosse practice when board games were being played, but he still gets her drift. He says that someday they'll have all this again. Lourdes asks if he really thinks that they can beat the Skitters, and Hal says he thinks they're going to kick some alien ass. With his mantra of ass-kicking, it's no wonder that the ladies find Hal so irresistible.
As usual, the real problem is psycho humans. From outside the house, Clayton (likely drawn by Lourdes's hymnal hour) shouts a good morning. Everyone seems surprised, even though the first rule of bad guys not finding you is to avoid hanging out in one place for like four hours. Clayton stands outside being glib with his men, and calls Hal out. Hal appears in the doorway to say that they know about Clayton's deal, which means they need the kids alive. Clayton tries to explain to Hal what "acceptable losses" are. Lourdes is an acceptable loss! Shoot her! Hal yells at Clayton to go to hell, and then shoots at him. Genius move, Hal. A move only topped in genius by the fact that Hal has his head in a window, giving one of Clayton's men a straight shot. Clayton gives the guy permission to shoot Hal, who falls in the "acceptable loss" category and also is like the only one of the kids with a gun.
But then! Clayton's guy doesn't get a chance to shoot Hal, because he himself is shot! By Pope! He always pops up in the most convenient places, doesn't he? He tells Hal to get his head down, then asks Clayton how his Skitter deal is working now. Clayton's men turn their fire toward Pope, and he eventually gets shot in the leg. He turns around from his tree shield and finds Tom also pointing a gun at him from behind. Tom is all, "Now I have to deal with this asshole, too?" Pope doesn't go into all the details of how he got there, but says that he has no tolerance for anyone who deals with the Skitters. Pope wants to shoot as many of Clayton's men as they can, but Tom knows they're outnumbered and that this will put the kids in danger. He removes Pope's ammo, then yells at Clayton to hold his fire because Pope's dead.
From inside, the kids can hear Tom's voice as he emerges from the trees with his hands in the surrender position. He tells Clayton that they know about his series of lies, and that Porter is on his way. Tom is offering himself up as a hostage, to protect the kids. I don't know why this is more appealing to Clayton than just shooting him, but Tom's ruse works. Tessa's dad takes away Tom's guns, and Clayton orders him to call out the kids. He does, which really befuddles and upsets Hal. Tom points out that Hal would have kept fighting and Clayton would have killed him, which he couldn't let happen. Hal notes that going back is just as bad, and perhaps worse, but Tom says that the first rule of combat is to survive. Easy for him to say when he's not about to be sold into zombie slavery.
Clayton leads Tom and the kids back to the farm, as Tessa's dad notes that they took a big hit. Clayton says that it was worth it, because fresh zucchini from the vegetable garden is worth any cost. Matt and Hal are concerned about what's going to happen to Tom, who frankly looks a little nervous himself. Clayton orders all the kids into the stable, and of course fucking Matt freaks out and starts yelling that he's not going. Tom starts walking toward him and is stopped by a man with a gun. But then! The gunman is shot... by Weaver! It turns out that a whole cadre of Second Mass fighters are there, and not being judicious with the bullets. One of the Doom Farm guys turns on Weaver with his weapon and gets shot right in the gut. Weaver wants to know who's and, upon seeing that they are outnumbered, Clayton and his gang remove their weapons. One thing you can say about Weaver is that when faced with empirical evidence, he does move decisively.
Clayton approaches Weaver and tries to play some sort of friendship card, asking, "What about me? Are you going to shoot me, too?" If there's any justice in the world, he is going to shoot you most of all, asshole. Clayton then turns to Tom, who is also armed, and asks what the step in his plan is. Because he's an idiot, Clayton then pulls a gun out of his ear, like a post-apocalyptic magician, and points it in either Tom's or Weaver's direction. And then Tom just shoots him without any further ado. Bravo, sir. Humans are doing a really fine job of thinning out the population on their own, eh?
Hal asks Tom if he knew the heroes of the Second Mass were waiting at the farm. Tom says, "I hoped." Wow, that was a bit of a gamble, was it not? He approaches Weaver and says he wasn't sure if he'd show up. Weaver says he almost didn't, and then Ben comes running out. He came with the cavalry instead of just sending them, and apparently also convinced Weaver that Clayton was a bad, bad man. Then there's the matter of what to do with the remaining Farm of Doom tenants. Weaver says that their weapons will be taken, and adds that he can't see taking these folks back to the Second Mass. Sorry, Tessa, but Hal's jock will no longer be yours to hump. Good luck surviving in the wilderness! Weaver tells the farm people that they can go or they can stay -- he doesn't really give a damn. But if he finds that they've been dealing with the Skitters again, he'll kill them all. He is not even playing. Jimmy, meanwhile, hands Ben a soccer ball of reconciliation and thanks him for saving their asses. Tom looks upon this soon, relieved that his son isn't a weirdo like Rick.
Meanwhile, Sarah has had her baby, and named her Charlotte. And hey! Pope is in the recovery room, and is not so excited to have to deal with all the baby wailing. At breast feeding time, Maggie pulls the curtain between the two patients with a pointed, "Show's over, creep," to Pope. Anne tells Tom that Weaver did most of the work with the whole breach situation, and after that it was just your average baby delivery in a high school chem lab. Is that something that's happened on Teen Mom? Thankfully, Sarah's baby is not half-Skitter or anything dastardly. Though actually that would have been kind of a great twist. The baby's fine... but she has six legs! Anne also reports that Pope will limp, but he'll live. Tom isn't sure whether to be happy about that news or not. He tells Pope that he could have kept running, and Pope says that he probably should have and probably still will, given half the chance. But only after he gets out of that preppy rugby shirt they've stuck him in. Tom says that until he does run, the kitchen is shorthanded. Pope is back where he started, and Tom thinks he should consider himself lucky.
And then there's a funeral for Mike. Hal gives the first eulogy, noting how much Mike loved Rick, and how he decided to stand his ground and fight for the kids rather than run and save himself. He was a good man, and everyone will miss him. Maggie grabs Hal's hand, but we don't have too much time to ruminate upon this before Tom gives a second eulogy. He says that if this were a proper military funeral, they'd have somebody playing taps, which (historical knowledge alert!) is a bugler's song from the Civil War, used to signify the end of a day's work. In a way, he says, it's a lullaby to tell soldiers that all is well and that it was safe to rest. He wants Mike to rest easy.
The flag is folded and then fucking Lourdes sings her favorite hymn. Way to ruin the funeral. Weaver turns to Tom and says that Clayton told his Skitter friends that he'd secured the Second Mass kids, which should buy them a few days. I thought the trade was supposed to happen tonight? Tom, who can't resist an "I told you so," says that they never should have let the kids go. Weaver points out that it was the best option given what they knew, and Tom replies that time he'll trust his instincts. I mean, ultimately he was the one who gave the go ahead. Shut up, Tom.
Rick is given the folded flag, and then says to Ben that he doesn't understand how people could kill each other. Ben responds with a solemn, "Sorry about your dad." But Rick, in fact, isn't sorry about his dad. He says, "Why? Killing is in their nature." Ben is all, "Who is they, motherfucker?" And Rick says, "Humans. WE would never kill one of our own." He gives Ben a creepazoid look and then says, "You should understand that." Poor Ben just proved his worth to the human race and now has to wonder if he's actually an alien all over again! This kid can't catch a break.