We open in downtown Everwood. A cab has just let off a pair of allegedly fabulous legs, bedecked in a black mini and stiletto boots. The legs (for that is all we see!) take off down the sidewalk, a fabulous set of red luggage following close behind. The townsfolk stare. The legs nearly run right over Amy, Ephram, Hannah, and Bright, then ask where Dr. Jake Hartman's office is. Amy gives directions; Ephram and Bright stand agape. The legs head for Scooter's, and Amy tells the boys to go ahead and close their mouths. We get a nice shot of the legs, again, and the rest of this mysterious blonde's body, from the back. Hannah: "So that's what zero percent body fat looks like. Interesting."
Scooter's Office. Legs strides to the reception desk, and asks Edna if Dr. Hartman is in. Edna does a totally hilarious boob-take, and says that Scooter is at lunch. Legs asks Edna if she would happen to know where. Cut to the diner, where Dimples is discussing hair products with Nina. Ah, a man after my own heart. Suddenly, Legs walks in, spies Dimples, and screeches, "Jakey!" Gag. And I have to tell you, the face on this chick is not as great as it should be, considering the build-up. Dimples is like, "OH SHIT. Cameron? What are you DOING here?" Heh. Cameron, oblivious, chirps, "Well, if Mohammed won't come to the mountain!" Dimples looks over at Nina helplessly, and we go to the credits.
Diner, still. Nina and Cameron are getting to know each other. Cameron tells Nina that she and "Jakey" met through their "trainer." Dimples suggests that perhaps Nina doesn't want to hear all of these gory details. Nina, clearly enjoying Dimples's pain, says there's nothing she'd like better. Cameron starts blah-blah-ing about how everybody in L.A. keeps asking, "Where's Jake? When's Jake coming home?" and saying how much they miss him -- even Roy, their Coffee Bean guy. Suddenly, everything's awkward, and Nina says she's got to go close out. Dimples looks at Cameron expectantly and asks how long she's here. Ten days, and she's got all this vacation saved up, and she can write a story about Everwood for work anyway, and they can snowboard, and OH MY GOD PLEASE SHUT UP. Dimples says he would love to just hang out and ski, but he has patients to see all week long, and that is why he wishes she'd called first. He says they can figure it out later, but he has to get back to work. Cameron baby-talks, "Who am I gonna pway wif?" KILL. KILL. KILL. Nina passes by, and Cameron yells, "Neen! We can totally have a girls' day! I am actually dying for a mani-pedi!" Nina: "Don't die!" Hee.
Brown House. Treat and Delia, who is riding on Treat's back, march in the house chanting, "We're number one!" In cheer language, it is established that Delia's hockey team is number one, because Delia rocks, and they can suck it for not wanting a girl on the team. Delia commands Treat to get the camcorder out so they can record "this moment." Aw. Treat starts fooling with the camera and listens to their messages at the same time. The first message is, naturally, Amanda. Treat gets so distracted by the sound of Amanda's voice that Delia has to remind him to record her. Treat points the camera at Delia and says, "All right, 'Rocket' Brown. Tell us about the game." Alas, we can see by the expression on his face that Treat's mind is far away, in The Land of Retarded Affairs. This is my least favorite subplot in the history of ever.
“ I refuse to recap this scene which features Treat and Amanda first talking, then making out, in her bed -- before Charlie gets home. Oh, well, I guess I just did. And I hated every second of it. ”
Abbott House! Things are better -- and certainly funnier -- over here, I just know it. Rose pulls dinner from the oven, and Patch asks her if she's trying to kill him slowly; he can smell the butter from all the way across the room. Mmmm, butter. Amy walks in and announces, "I found it." Patch thinks she is talking about his favorite cashmere scarf. Amy: "Oh, no, I definitely lost the scarf, but I did find the perfect ballet class!" Rose says she didn't know that Amy was looking for a ballet class at all. Amy says she's been searching on the internet all week, and the class she's found is excellent, but you have to audition to get in. Patch is all, "Of course you'll get in. You're the best dancer at County." Amy says this class is of a completely different caliber than County, but considering she didn't study all last year and still managed to bring her GPA back up, she's sure she can do the same thing with this. Her parents agree. Amy then springs the news on them that the class is in Denver, is five nights a week, and she'll be missing all their family dinners. Patch: "Wait. What kind of class is this?" Amy: "Dad, I just told you." Heh. Amy goes to wash up for dinner, and Patch and Rose exchange looks.
I refuse to recap this scene which features Treat and Amanda first talking, then making out, in her bed -- before Charlie gets home. Oh, well, I guess I just did. And I hated every second of it.
Denver. Ephram has accompanied Amy to the ballet studio. Amy finds the right studio, and says class should be out any second. Ephram: "Cool." Amy tells him that he didn't have to drive her there. Ephram says he already told her, if this is her dream, he's right there to support her -- or at least chauffeur her. Aw. Just then, the studio door opens and all the pretty dancers stream out. Ephram sees Amy's look of concern, and tells her that she's way hotter than any of them. I like this new and improved and sweeter Ephram. Amy says she'll just be a minute, and heads inside the studio.
Amy stands watching the instructor, a poncey black fellow who would like one of his dancers to "LIFT!" He sends the poor girl off, giving Amy the perfect opportunity to talk to him. Amy nervously and excitedly tells "Mister Jason" that she was sent up to his studio by the registration people downstairs, and she heard he had a winter program, which she would like to audition for. Mister Jason asks her how many classes she's taking now. Amy admits that she's not actually taking any right now. Mister Jason is like, "Mm hmmm. And, how old are you?" Amy says she's seventeen. Mister Jason, whose name makes me laugh every time I type it -- Mister Jason (ha! ha!) -- tells Amy that the winter session starts in two weeks, it's a professional class, most of the dancers are already working in some capacity, and they have all had classical training for many years. Ephram, looking very hot for reasons which should be impossible with that hideous hair, stands in the doorway and listens to this exchange with interest. Amy tells Mister Jason, "And that is exactly why I am going to work SO HARD to catch up." Mister Jason steps closer, calls Amy "sweetheart," and tells her she won't make it. Her build and turnout is all wrong, and she's ten pounds too heavy and four years too late. I should like to remind you all that I am currently taking infertility drugs, which make me a little weepy, so you will excuse me if I cry a little here. Amy sets her jaw and asks, "When are the auditions?" Mister Jason tells her they're Thursday. Amy: "Great. And, thank you for the constructive criticism; I really appreciate it." AWESOME.