AB Chao
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Fade up on a used car -- excuse me, "gently worn automobile" -- lot. Irv tells us some mumbo-jumbo about perfect moments in life, and the responses that we have to these moments that are not what the universe -- "or our parents" -- expect them to be. He finishes with what must be known in philosophical circles as The Universal Haggling Theory: "The truth has a distinct cost that can't be bargained down, and in these moments, we must choose whether to pay the price." We pan over several cars, ranging in color and price, and stop on that most hideous of old cars, the Lincoln Town Car. It's $1800. Treat, Delia, and Ephram walk over to it, talking with the mechanic/salesman who works there. Treat is overly excited about what Ephram terms the "safest boat in the Navy." Hee. This is totally no fair: Bitchy Amy Abbott gets a brand new KIA SORRENTO, and Ephram is stuck with this monstrosity? Treat cannot be stopped, though. He is so excited about buying this car that Ephram can't even tell his dad how much he hates it without looking like a spoiled little jackass. Or, you know, Amy Abbott. Treat goes off to finish the paperwork, and Phil the Mechanic, or as he will now be known for reasons you will soon find out, Mister Cleo -- and Ephram stay behind to admire the new "car," and Mr. Cleo tells Ephram that even though the car isn't much to look at, a "good girl" will like her. He goes on to say that the girl who is right for him will like the car, and it is at this point that I begin to get just a little creeped out by Mr. Cleo. He's either trying to set Ephram up with his one available daughter, or wants to suck out his soul through his eyeballs. Ephram says if Mr. Cleo is implying that he should use the car as a way to weed the girls out, "my face has that covered." I beg to diffah, Young Brown. Mr. Cleo says about one hundred THOUSAND more times, "The girl that's right for you will like this car. The girl that's right for you will like this car. All work and no play make Phil a dull boy." He gives Ephram the keys and tells him that his future awaits. Ephram says, "If this is the future, even my past is starting to look good." He gets into his gigantic love machine and backs out. Credits.
Morning at the High School. Amy "Bangs of Sadness" Abbott waits in her car for a parking spot. Happy high schoolers mill in the parking lot and walk into the school, ready for a new day! Amy sits and thinks about how best to go about killing herself. Cars honk like crazy behind her, and she is jolted out of her fantasy. She circles the parking lot.
Cut to Treat's office, where he is diagnosing one very cute little bespectacled boy with the flu. "Lester's" mom asks if Treat is sure it's the flu. Treat says of course it is. Mom says she's afraid Lester has meningitis, because that is what "Phil" said he had. Treat's all, "Who the hell is Phil?" Mom tells him that Phil the Mechanic said that Lester had meningitis, and she would feel better if Lester were tested. Mom says that Phil has "the Sight...well, the Hearing." Uh, what? Treat argues that he has seen hundreds of cases of the flu, and that is what Lester has. Mom is insistent -- if Treat won't test him, she'll find someone who will. She claims, "Phil's NEVER wrong." Treat sighs and says he'll make the appointment for Lester in Denver.
The phone rings. Guess who has the meningitis? That's right, little Lester does. Treat says he'll check back with the hospital tomorrow, and hangs up the phone, stunned. Delia asks what's wrong. Treat says, "Oh, nothing. The patient I diagnosed with the flu has life-threatening meningitis. And Phil the Mechanic is psychic." Poor Treat.
Cut to a gas station parking lot in Wyoming, where Amy is waiting for her daddy. Patch asks Amy what the hell is going on. Amy says she was going to school, and watching all the kids inside, and she couldn't imagine herself in there with all of them, so she just kept driving. Well, of course. Patch asks what's going on with her. "Do you need more attention?" Hee. Amy has no answers for her dad. He shepherds her into the car as we go to commercial.
Mr. Cleo's House of Cars and Genuine Psychic Predictions. Treat is there to tell Mr. Cleo that he was right about Lester's meningitis. He wants to know how Mr. Cleo knew. Mr. Cleo tells Treat that he's "clairaudiant," which, as you know, is not to be confused with "Claire Huxtable." Mr. Cleo says he just hears things that are going to happen. Treat's all, "Like, things about me? Like, right now?" Heh. Mr. Cleo tells Treat that he doesn't want to get into it, but Treat presses on. Mr. Cleo tells Treat that he is going to get that kiss he's been waiting for, and he'll break a promise. Treat says, "This is it? This is like fortune cookies. Anything else?" Mr. Cleo tells Treat to watch out "for that file folder. Likely to take your head off." As much as it would hurt me, I'd kind of like to see that.
Brown House. Delia and Madison are playing cards. Ephram walks in and asks what they're playing. There has been some argument in the forums as to the nature of the game, and I am here to tell you that Delia clearly says, "Spit." Ptooey! Madison bitches, "Go ahead. Tell her how much she sucks at it." Don't sing, Madison. Ephram tries to apologize, but Madison is not having it. He lies that she's a "really great singer," but Madison doesn't accept. Then she changes her tune (heh!) and actually utters the line, "I'm just sensitive about my music." Read that again. Sensitive. About. Music. Cannot. Stop. Hysterical. Laughter. She says she thought she could use her "band" to get her out of Everwood. Well, Madison, you could, but only in the capacity that includes "laughed out of" or "driven out of." Nice try, though. Here is where sweet Ephram offers to help. Delia tells Madison that he's better than she thinks. Aw. Madison is hesitant, but accepts his offer. She gets all excited and says she will go "call the guys" right now! Delia looks at her brother, and tells him, "Boys are SO obvious." Yay, funny Delia is back!