By AB Chao
We open with a monkey in a hockey uniform. He has a hockey stick, and seems to be trying to tell us something important. Wait. The hell?
After a lengthy conversation with my seven-year-old, it seems that she thought recording MVP: Most Valuable Primate in the place of THE SHOW I GET PAID TO RECAP was a great idea. Fortunately for her, my channel-changing hand is quick, and I only missed the first minute or so. If you want that first sixty seconds recapped, well, I'm real sorry.
We come in on what I'm assuming is a flashback of Colin and Bright playing basketball. Amy comes out and says something bratty, then stomps back inside. Tiny Bright shoots, and we flash to the present. Colin walks up and says to Bright, "You always go for the three, and you always miss, too." Bright asks him if he can do any better. Colin says, "Maybe," and starts to take off his arm sling. He grabs the ball from a stunned Bright, dribbles around him, and shoots. He makes the layup, of course. Bright's all, "Dude!" Colin says the sling is history, because he's finished with his rehab. They high-five and do some manly slapping, and Colin challenges Bright to a little one-on-one. Colin is way better than Bright, by the way. Amy walks out, sees them playing, and smiles one of her cheesy "I'm in looooove with Coma Boy, and he's alive! ALIVE!" smiles. Irv says some stuff, but I'm not sure what he's talking about, because I missed the first part of his narration. More's the pity. Heh. Credits.
Diner. Treat sits to Patch Abbott and orders breakfast. Treat tells Patch that "some magazine" is sending a guy to interview him. Patch snorts something about Treat's interview going between the daily crossword and a recipe for...Hakuna Matata? Ah, no. The captions say "Tuna Frittata," a recipe with which I thank the Lord every day I'm not acquainted. And, hee. I missed Patch. Treat informs him that it's actually "New York Magazine. Ever heard of Joel Horowitz?" Patch chokes on his coffee. "Joel Horowitz covered Rwanda! Last year a lone he interviewed Arafat, and Brad, and JENNIFER!" Treat shrugs. Patch can't believe Horowitz wants to interview Treat. Treat says that Joel wants to do a piece on "City Mouse Turned Country Doctor." Patch says, "I accepted the fact that life stopped being fair to me long ago, but this is too much for anyone." Heh. Treat suggests that maybe Patch will say something interesting while Joel's in town, and he'll be quoted. Patch gets an evil glint in his eye. He starts making up quotes about country doctors, and tells Treat to shut up while he writes them down on a napkin.
Treat's office. He asks Edna to go pick up some medical supplies. Edna says that they're all stocked up. Treat says he needs a new "Heart Start FR-2 Plus" defibrillator. Edna says that the one they have is fine. Treat: "Oh, it's broken. It's bad." Edna wants to know if Treat is trying to get rid of her. Treat: "No!" Edna: "Are you lying to me?" Treat: "Yes!" Edna says she's not going to embarrass him in front of the "schmancy-pants" reporter. She says she doesn't "give a rat's hat about some big-city dink, thinks he knows it all." God, I love Edna. Treat tells her to write a letter to the editor if she has a problem with Joel, but to otherwise shut it. She grins evilly.
Cut to choir practice at the high school. I want to tell you that the choir isn't singing the cheesiest rendition of the "Theme from Cheers" that I've ever heard, but then I'd be lying. The choir teacher looks ecstatic. You know she just had a crush on Woody. Ephram and Amy stand together, singing as little as possible. I can't believe they're the only ones in the class who think this is super-queer, but whatever. They start chatting about how much this sucks, and the teacher tells them to pay attention. "Less alto, more vibrato!" Hee. They got in trouble. The door opens, and Colin swaggers in. The teacher stops the singing to ask what he needs. Colin says he needs Amy Abbott right away. The teacher asks if everything's all right. Colin: "Yeah, Miss Abbott just needs to play hooky the rest of the afternoon. It's rather urgent." The teacher just nods, and Colin and Amy leave. Okay, first of all, what the hell is going on? And secondly, "play hooky"? Nice one, Tom Sawyer. Don't let Becky soil her pinafore when y'all go looking for that buried treasure.
Delia's school. Little cutie is putting her backpack up, and a little redheaded kid picks up something she dropped. Delia tells him, "You have to stop following me around, Arnie!" Arnie says he can't, because he's already decided he's her boyfriend. By the way, Arnie is cute, but he looks about four, so I'm a little creeped out. Delia agrees, but says that Arnie has to do whatever she says. Smart girl. ["Except isn't this a recycled Ruthie plot from 7th Heaven?" -- Sars]
Evil Miss Violet enters and tells the kids to sit down and be quiet. She tells a little girl, "Put that book away! You should know better than to be reading in my classroom." Shut up, Violet. Miss Violet announces that, for their class trip, they're going to the Ancient Egypt Exhibit at the Museum of History. She adds, "This fine idea came from Miss Squeaky Wheel herself -- Delia, take a bow." Delia bows. The class claps. Arnie leans over and tells a classmate, "She's my girlfriend." Aw.
Treat's office. Sars's other boyfriend (slut! ["'HUSBAND,' missy" -- Sars]) walks in and introduces himself to Treat as the reporter Joel Horowitz. Treat says he's been practicing charming banter in his head all day. Joel laughs and says, "Oh, that's fun." He can't believe somebody as esteemed as Treat is nervous about an interview. Joel doesn't want to get right into the "twenty questions" interview -- he suggests they take a walk around town so Treat can show him Everwood. As they're leaving, Edna walks by with a grimace. Treat doesn't introduce them, and rushes Joel outside. Edna rolls her eyes. I do too.
Treat tells Joel a little about Everwood, and points out that the "other country doctor" has an office across the street. He says, "Though he's more of a misplaced city dweller than a corncob-pipe kind of a guy." We'll see. They stop at a fruit stand, and a lady nervously introduces herself to Joel as "THE Martha Thompson, four-time winner of the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Cake-Off?" Joel just stares, but I know who you are, Mrs. Thompson. Your cake is delicious, indeed. Joel tells Treat that journalists can have that effect on people, but it wears off eventually. Treat sees Irv approaching, and assures Joel that Irv is a "guaranteed normal person." Irv shakes Joel's hand cheerfully, and says that he never cared for journalists himself, because they might come into town and "completely miss the more captivating story of the lone black man living in a racially homogenous town." I hear you, Irv. I'm married to an Actual Chinese Man from a small town in Louisiana. Treat just shakes his head, and Joel looks amused. Joel says he's not all that interested in the town, or the country doctor thing -- he came to find out what happened to Treat. He says everyone in New York thinks Treat is just on a sabbatical. Treat says it doesn't matter what they think. Joel says that Treat is too good at what he does not to be up to something, and he wants to know what. Treat: "I'm guessing we just jumped to the twenty questions."
High school gym. The coach tells the class they're going to play five-on-five, and for Bright to pick first. He says, "Umm...Colin Hart!" The class cheers, and Colin jumps up, but the coach blows his whistle and tells Colin he can't play today. Colin says that it's fine, because his sling came off yesterday. The coach says, "Good for you. Now step aside." Colin argues that he can play. Coach Asshole says he doesn't care if Colin can dunk from the foul line, to sit down until he sees a doctor's note. Everyone boos, and Colin storms out. Ephram is just walking in late, and the coach says, "Late again, Brown." He tells him to run a lap for every minute that he's late. Ephram says he got stuck in lab, and he's working on a study about what makes coaches call people by their last names. Hee. Also, Ephram got a new haircut. I can't say I didn't recommend it, because it looks fabulous. Helloooo, Ephram.
Ephram is changing in the locker room, fighting a stubborn sock, when he hears a giant crash. He walks out into the hallway to find Colin absolutely DEMOLISHING the coach's office with a baseball bat. It's fucking scary, and I'm thinking that maybe Colin needs to find himself an anger management class. Glass breaks, Colin screams, and the coach runs in to restrain him. Ephram and Bright are incredulous. The coach continues to try to restrain Colin, who is still out of his damn mind, and we go to commercial.
We come back to the principal's office, where Colin and Ephram sit, listening to him lecture. The coach stands behind the principal, clearly upset. Colin bites his nails and pretends to listen, because he's INSANE. He says that Colin's been through a lot, and that it's understandable to be frustrated, but he knows that "this incident was not without provocation." Here, he looks pointedly at the coach. Uh, what? So it's the coach's fault that Colin dropped his basket? I don't think so, mister. The coach apologizes and says that he was insensitive. This is bullshit. Principal Denial continues that since no one was hurt, he doesn't think it's necessary to get parents involved. Ephram can't believe it. He's all, "So that's it?" In Bizarro World, it is, sweet Ephram. So that's it.
Cut to Amy and Bright, outside. Amy's worried Colin will be expelled. Bright says that there's nothing to worry about, because Colin is "like Teflon." Amy babbles on and on, freaking out some more, until Colin walks out of the office and tells them that everything's cool. Amy says, "Really?" Ephram walks by and says, "It is now." Heh. Good for you, Schmoopy. Amy hugs Colin, and he gives Bright a scary psycho smile. Ew.
Brown House. Joel and Treat sit at the table, talking about Treat's childhood. He says his dad was an auto mechanic, and a great one at that. Treat smiles and says that his dad specialized in French cars, not because they were the ones that required the most servicing, but because they were the hardest to get right. Aw, Treat loved his daddy! Joel asks Treat if he misses neurosurgery. Treat says he does good work in Everwood, but that he does sometimes. He says it's worth being in Everwood for the kids, even though they have their good days and bad days. Ephram walks in here, and Treat asks him to sit down. Ephram just keeps on walking. Treat: "Everything okay?" Ephram: "No." Treat: "You wanna talk?" Ephram: "Totally." Heh. Treat tells Joel sheepishly that it's not one of the good days.
Delia's room. She's wrapping Arnie from head to toe in toilet paper, asking him how he could be scared of mummies. She says, "I bet they're even scarier at night!" and switches off the light. Arnie squeals for her to turn it back on. She does, and says, "You're so easy." She continues wrapping him up, and says she wishes they could see the museum at night, like in The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. Yay! I loved that book. Arnie makes a face. Delia says, "We're reading it for class? We just had a test on it!" Arnie doesn't get it. Because he can't READ yet. He's four years old, I swear. Delia says she bets she could pull it off. Arnie says she'll get busted. Delia: "I won't get busted because you're going to help me." She screams for Treat. He walks in and says, "What is it, kiddo?" Delia asks if she can sleep over at Arnie's the night. Treat says she can, and he'll call Arnie's mom. Delia tells him that they already talked to her, and it's fine. Treat looks skeptical, but agrees. Delia grins, and happily wraps Arnie's head in toilet paper. Little bad thing.
Diner. Joel tries to pay for Treat's lunch, but the cashier says it's free. Man, I want to be a reporter, too. Joel and Treat chat until Patch Abbott walks in. He's dresssed in a gingham shirt, plaid bowtie, plaid jacket, and an old man hat. Hee. He greets some anonymous kids, reminds them to take their vitamins, and grandly passes out suckers. When he "notices" Treat and Joel, he calls out, "Ah! Well met, fellow healer!" Treat rolls his eyes and introduces him to Joel. Patch says that Treat's come a long way, and "had a lot to learn from me about how to be a country doctor...here...in the country...where the very air has a palliative effect on most ailments..." Treat and Joel stare. Patch says he'd love to stay and chat, but has an office full of patients. He pulls out a GOLD POCKETWATCH to check the time, and says one never knows which patient will be the one "you became a doctor FOR." When he notices that Joel hasn't written anything down on his little pad, he begrudgingly leaves. Poor Patch Abbott. No respect.
Cut to somewhere in the forest, where Treat is making a house call to a man who lives in a tree. They're pretty high up, and the man sneezes and tells Treat that if he leaves the tree, they'll cut it down. Treat sighs and calls down for someone to throw him some antihistamines. Back on the ground, a couple of workmen watch with Joel and tell him that "the damn sap-suckers are everywhere." Heh. Joel says this has to be one of Treat's more memorable patients. The workman guy says that "tree-hoppin' for longhairs doesn't really compare to what he did for Colin Hart." Joel nearly trips over himself to find out why. Workman Guy tells him Colin's story, and says that no one knew what to do until Treat saved him. He says he can't believe that Treat didn't tell Joel. Joel: "Me, neither. What was that kid's name again?" Uh-oh. I'm not really liking Sars's boyfriend very much, I have to say. ["Uch. 'Husband.' And it's not his fault! It's the writing!" -- Sars]
High school. There was some fancy editing here with Joel's question and Bright calling, "Colin!" but it was only a little clever. Bright asks Colin if he wants to play ball. Colin isn't sure if the coach will let him. Bright: "Pretty safe bet, he really thinks you freaked out on him." Uh, which he DID. Colin asks Bright what he means, and Bright reminds him about yesterday, "using the whole Coma-Boy get-out-of-jail-free card, playing it up, right?" Colin looks unsure for a minute, then says, "Oh, definitely. You'd do the same thing, right?" God, shut up, Colin. Psycho doesn't look good on you.
Colin tells Bright he'll be back in a second, and stops Ephram on his way out. He's all friendly-chatty, but Ephram isn't having it. He says he has to be home for "dinner duty," and that Delia will start scarfing down sugar if he's not quick enough. Aw. Colin asks Ephram why he sold him out the day before in the principal's office. Ephram says the whole thing was messed up. Colin says it was no big deal. Ephram: "No big deal? You took a bat to the gym teacher's office." Colin says, "He started it." Aigh, shut up! I know you're not five years old! Ephram shoots back, "Did he start it with the car window, too? Or the trophy case?" Ephram says he's not stupid. Colin says that he's fine. Ephram isn't so sure. Colin says, "Fine. You can keep me in line, you can help me." Ephram: "Help you cover?" Ooh, burn! He says that if he'd still known Colin when he was the "golden boy," he could maybe ignore it, too, but that Colin is out of control. He starts to leave, and Colin starts to get angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. He asks Ephram if this is some "pathetic last-ditch effort to get [him] off of Amy." Ouch. He also says it's no wonder Laney ran off and left Ephram. Double ouch, and please don't talk to my boyfriend that way, Krazy Koma Kookoopants. Ephram tells Colin that he can believe whatever he wants to believe, and rides off. Colin yells after Ephram to wait, stop, I'm not like that, blah blah blah crazy-cakes. O blessed, blessed commercial.
High school music room. Ephram's practicing his piano, and Amy walks in. She tells him, "One more try and that bitch is YOURS." Um, when did Amy become Ludacris? Ephram says no way, that he skipped ahead. Amy asks if he's practicing for his recital. Ephram says (sexily), "No, the recital piece I can actually play; this is impossible." Amy leans against the piano (unsexily) and tells Ephram that Colin said "you tried to get him busted." WHAT? Oh, yes. Kookoo. Ephram says he'll talk about anything else, even sports, but he doesn't want to talk about Colin. Some other blah blah happens, but basically, Colin lied his ass off to Amy about what happened, and tried to tell Amy that Ephram was going to say he was sick, so that Amy would doubt Colin. It's all very confusing, I know, but try to keep up. Ephram wonders why everyone thinks he's dumb, and asks, "Do I dress dumb?" Brother, I can answer that one for you: No man who can wear a pair of jeans like you do (love your ass! CALL ME, EPHRAM!!!! ASS!) dresses dumb. Amy says, "It's your fault, you know...you're the one who told me to have faith." Ephram looks away. She says that she's not going to give up on Colin, even if she's the only one who doesn't, and that whatever's wrong, Colin can handle it. Ephram: "No he can't." Good Lord, finally. Somebody needed to tell Amy and, clearly, the rest of the whole damn town that Colin has lost every marble he had. Amy says if Colin can't, she can. Ephram retorts, "Good luck with that." Heh.
Cut to the museum, where Delia's class is lining up to leave. They all have Egyptian masks on, and it's all very cute. One little kid tells Mean Violet, "I'm a mummy!" Mean Violet: "Not until high school, sweetheart." Hee. Mean Violet tells the kids to line up, and Delia tells Arnie to get ready for their plan. When Mean Violet calls Delia's name to get on the bus, Arnie says, "Here!" in a girl voice, and Delia takes off. Sneaky, sis. She runs into the bathroom as Music Of Whimsy plays.
Abbott House of Country Doctors. Bright is reading practice interview questions out to Patch, who answers them just like a country doctor should. Bright bitches that this is something Amy should be doing. Patch says she would, if she were speaking to him. Still? Man, she needs to cool it, before I ground her ass. Patch asks Bright if his answer was good, and Bright just doesn't care. Neither do I. Patch tells Bright to pay more attention, and move on to the question. Bright: "And tell me, Doctor, what are your feelings on homos?" Hee! Silly Bright. Patch corrects him, "That's 'HMOs,' Bright. Content!" He keeps bitching at Bright until the phone rings. It's Joel Horowitz, of course, but he doesn't want to talk to Patch. He wants Amy Abbott. God.
Cut to Joel, Colin, and Amy in the diner. Colin is telling Joel how much his recovery sucked, and that his surgery was just the beginning of his nightmare. He says if he had to choose now, he might choose a coma. Damn. Joel asks Colin how he made it. Amy, of course. He says that Amy had the hardest job, dealing with the changes. Joel asks what kind of changes. Amy gets teased, and says that some are different, like Colin's more ticklish now, and bites his nails, and kisses differently. Joel: "Better?" Amy: "I don't know if there's a right answer, here -- of course, better." Aw, that was kind of sweet. But I still hate them all, so don't get any ideas. Joel asks Amy why she never stopped trying, even when everyone told her it was over. Amy says, "All I knew is that I loved him. Love made more sense than science." Ah, please excuse me while I varmint. Where are we, 7th Heaven?
Brown House. Ephram tries to run past Treat, but Treat stops him and says that the comic book store called to say that they reserved him ten copies of Ghost in the Shell. He looks puzzled and says, "Ten?" Ephram grins and says, "Well, you finally find out if Matoko and the Puppetmaster are still sharing a cyborg body." I love him and his geeky ways. Ephram asks his dad how the interview is going, and Treat says he's sick of smiling, and that he doesn't like the attention as much as he thought. He goes back to his work, and Ephram stands there, silent. Treat says, "You're doing that lingering thing that I do, which you hate. Something wrong?" Ephram sits down and spills his guts about Colin. Treat asks if he's having seizures. Ephram says it's more like he's "Hulking out." He says Colin hasn't hurt anyone, but he could have. He looks so worried! Treat says it could be any number of things, but his parents won't let them near Colin. Ephram says that every single person Colin knows is sweeping his behavior under the rug, and he doesn't understand why he and Treat are the only ones who realize there's a problem. Treat says, "Maybe it's like your comics. Sometimes you just need to tune out and be in the world that you want to. Some people can't put the book down." Very wise, Master Treat.
Museum at night. Delia wanders around with her flashlight, delighted that she's pulled her trick off. She walks into a room with all kinds of Egyptian artifacts, and they're trying to make it look like she's having all this fun, but they're making her do dumb things like "Walk Like An Egyptian," and it's not cute. Poor Delia. Finally a subplot, and you RUIN it, Berlanti! She sits down to have a snack and hears a loud noise. She tells herself that she's not scared, but she is totally freaking. She crawls over to a mummified body in a case, notices it, shrieks, and runs like the dickens. Alas, young Delia! The door has been chained shut! I think times have changed since Claudia's time in the museum. Delia bangs on the door and screams for help.
Pizza place, at night. Ephram is there to pick up an order, and Colin and Bright are playing a video game. Colin says, "Well, look who decided to show up. Are you keeping an eye on me?" Shut UP, Colin, hell. He slams down his drink. Ephram ignores him and walks out. Colin follows him, of course. Shaky scary camerawork pans out as Colin tells Ephram, "You and I need to talk." And by "talk," he means, "help me kick your ass." Ephram tells Colin to say whatever he needs to say. Colin says, "You decided to keep your mouth shut yet?" Ephram says, "I don't need to. You're only getting by because Dumbo here and the whole world has decided to kiss your ass." Bright looks on, not so oblivious anymore. Ephram goes on that it didn't stop with the puking, and there is a lot worse up ahead. He says that's probably why Laney left, because she didn't want to watch it. Damn. Colin rushes him, knocks him down, then shoves him up against a car. Leave Ephram alone, ASSHEAD! Colin twists Ephram's arm behind his back, and if he breaks it, I will never watch this show again. Heh. Good thing I already know that Bright pulls Colin off of Ephram, and tells him to cool out. Colin screeches, "You on his side now?" Bright says, "Don't be crazy, man!" Colin pushes Bright, and yells some more. "You think I'm sick, is THAT what you think?" Then he decks Bright in the face about fifty-nine times. The look of pain and bewilderment on Bright's face is heartbreaking. Ephram just stares after Colin as he walks off. Somebody get me a cigarette.
After the commercial, we're back at the Brown house. Someone knocks, and Treat yells that it's open. Joel comes in and wants to know why Treat didn't tell him about "Colin Hart. Coma. Bone chip." Gah. Treat says he's looking for his keys, and says Colin isn't exactly as miraculous as everyone thinks. Joel goes on and on about how Treat is a hero, and can't stay away from performing miracles even if he tries. Treat just wants to know where his car keys are. Joel says every time Treat climbs a tree to pass out pills, he's depriving someone of his gift. Treat rolls his eyes. "I don't care. I have a life here. It's this." He holds up Delia's toothbrush. Joel: "Your life is a toothbrush." Hee. Treat says that he noticed Delia forgot her toothbrush for her sleepover, and he's taking it to her. He leaves Joel to chew on that for a while.
Arnie's house. His mom opens the door, and Treat holds up Delia's toothbrush. Aw, he's so sweet. Arnie's mom is confused. She says that Delia isn't there. Uh-oh. They call for Arnie, and he walks in sheepishly. Somebody's in trouble.
Abbott House of Bruising. Bright walks in with ice on his blackened eye, and Amy starts to tell him something, then notices his fucked-up face. His lip is still bleeding, and it makes me a little sad for him. Amy asks what happened. Bright says, "Colin." Amy immediately accuses him of saying something inappropriate to Colin. For fuck's sake, Amy. Wake up, girl! Bright says, "Look at what he did to me! I don't like this any more than you, but he has got some SERIOUS problems." Sing it, brother. Amy whines that he doesn't. Bright tells her not to be so clueless, and to quit blaming everything on everyone else. Amy says, "This is when he needs us, Bright." This is when I need you to just stow it, sister. She tells Bright that he can't just give up on Colin now. Bright says, "Yes. I can." He starts to walk away, and Amy begs him not to tell Patch. Bright doesn't say anything, but you know he won't, because he's still a good brother, while Amy sucks my dick. Oh, did I say that?
Brown House, Delia's bedroom. Treat tucks her into bed, and she says, "I'm in trouble, aren't I?" Treat tells her she has no idea. He says she scared him, and lied to him. Delia says she's sorry. She says she thought it would be like in the story she read. Treat says life isn't like stories. Delia sadly says she wishes it were. Aw. Treat also tells her that she has to quit "bossing that shrimpy kid around," and that he's not her slave. Delia: "But I need one." Heh. Best line ever. Delia asks Treat to keep her light on, and he turns it on and Treat-grins at her. She ain't in trouble, no how, and Treat knows it.
Meanwhile, downstairs in the kitchen...Ephram asks Joel how he can stand to be in Everwood for as long as he has. Joel replies wryly, "I'm leavin' tomorrow." Ephram asks him if he's going to make his dad look good. Joel says he hasn't decided yet. Heh. Treat walks in and tells Ephram that Joel thinks he should be in New York. Ephram says he's been saying that for years. He goes to check on Delia, because he's sweet and perfect and pretty.
Treat hands Joel a beer, and asks him, "You got any kids?" Joel says not yet. Treat says Joel might want to be careful what he writes about Colin. He says Colin has problems that nobody will tell about. Joel says he has to write something, and that Treat isn't much of a story without Colin. Treat says he's been enough stories, and that his wife used to keep a scrapbook called "The Book of Andy." He says he knows he's not much of a story now, but that he found his daughter tonight because he noticed a toothbrush in a cup by the sink. He goes on, "And last night, I had a pretty long conversation with my son...that might not sound like much, but if you'd have told me that a year ago? This is my miracle." Wah! So good. Treat says, "But you're not going to write any of that, are you?" Joel says he noticed that Treat has a Rockwell hanging on the wall. He tells about how Norman Rockwell grew up in Manhattan, in one of the worst neighborhoods, but that he spent his life painting pictures of a kinder, simpler world. He says that Rockwell shaped his world into whatever he wanted it to be -- even if it wasn't real, he made it real. Joel says that that's his job, and that Treat's job is to pose for the picture. Whatever, JOEL. Nice excuse to write an entirely fabricated story.
Bright walks out of the school and passes Amy and Colin sitting on a bench. He ignores them completely. Colin asks Amy how long he's going to be mad, and if she's still talking to anyone in her family. Amy says it's down to her mom. Colin totally psychos out and tells Amy that "they're just trying to get between us. You know me better than anyone. You know it's not like what they say -- my best friend just turned on me!" He tells Amy that she brought him back, and there's nothing more important to him than their relationship. He is totally having Manson lamps right now, too, and they're scaring me. Amy smiles and says, "Me, too." They kiss. God. I hate these people.
A cool song starts to play, and I think it's David Gray, but don't quote me on that. We see shots of our favorite Everwoodsians opening the magazine their story's in, and they all look very happy and shiny about it. Patch Abbott opens to the page where Amy's pull-quote reads, "Love made more sense than science," and beams proudly. The article is full of pictures of Amy and Colin, and I would really rather not go on, because it's stupid. Ephram reads an even stupider line from the article, and tells Treat, "It's everything you told him not to say." Treat: "Yep." He doesn't care. Ephram wonders how he can write complete lies. Treat looks over the newspaper he's reading and gives Ephram a look. Ephram settles back on the couch to his dad and continues reading. It's a nice ending to a sort of crazy episode. Irv tells us, "Right or wrong, it's always easier to believe in what isn't there. Rockwell himself put it pretty well; he said, 'The view of life I include in my pictures excludes the sordid and the ugly.' He said, 'I paint life as I would like it to be.'" And I would like it to be over, which it is.