Previously on Everwood: Hey! Nonny Nonny and Grandpa Hoffman come for a surprise visit; Ephram sneaks out to see Amy, only to get dissed; Grandpa Hoffman tries to guilt Andy into letting Ephram move back to New York, and also is a major jag.
We open on the Brown house in the morning, where Andy tells "Delia" that he had an epiphany that Pop-Tarts were just square cookies, so he's making eggs today. He closes the refrigerator to find a sullen (okay, and cute) Ephram standing there. Andy offers Ephram breakfast. Ephram declines. I like that t-shirt on him. Shut up. An entirely too chipper Grandpa Hoffman walks in and tells Ephram he just got off the phone with "Mr. Ziegler," the headmaster at Ephram's old school. Treat looks pained, like, nearly constipated, as Grandpa Hoffman goes on to explain that "the school will be thrilled to have you back…that's if you decide to go." Sure, Gramps. "If you decide to go" really means "when you go, because you are moving back to New York with us, son, and away from this bad, bad man you call a father, and that's final. No, I mean it." Jackass.
Andy busies himself washing dishes so it won't seem like he's totally eavesdropping, and Gramps goes on to tell Ephram that the headmaster said he could start in three weeks and that, due to the circumstances, he'll "overlook your grades." Andy nearly gives himself whiplash whirling around to face them and says, "That doesn't mean you don't have to go to school today." Ephram blinks and leaves the room. Grandpa Hoffman, inexplicably, just stands there with a terrifyingly bright rictus of a smile painted on his face. Didn't anyone ever tell him it could stick that way? I wish Andy would hit him on the back. Hard.
Andy tells Gramps that it's all very interesting that he's making all these plans for Ephram, except that Andy hasn't said Ephram can go yet. Gramps counters that even so, things have to be "ready. You can't just pick up and move a kid." Andy says he'll think about it, and Gramps tells Andy to do what he needs to, but that he's not just going to "keep [his] hands in [his] pockets while you do." I have no idea what that means, but at least we know now that Gramps isn't walking around Everwood fondling himself. That's a relief.
Worst theme music in the world. I have to turn it down every time the high-pitched screechy violin kicks in. Ouch.
Diner I don't know the name of, because this is my first recap. Oh, you didn't know? Hi. I'm AB Chao. I'll be recapping the show from now on. Nurse Edna, in her nursing whites and a humongous furry coat, walks up to the counter and demands, "Muffin. Coffee." Trumpet Music Of Playful Doom bum-bums in the background while the coffee guy rushes around getting her order. He tells her to just go ahead and take it. Edna sneers at him, snatches her bag, and leaves, as we pan over to a table in the diner, where Delia and someone with his back to us are sitting. As the writers scratch off #476 in their Handy-Dandy Handbook of On-Screen Clichés, Irv The Narrating Bus Driver lowers the newspaper he's been hiding behind. Delia asks Irv why Nurse Edna is scaring everyone. Irv replies, "Because that's what she does." He goes on to explain that Saturday is Edna's birthday, and that because he's a very smart man, he's not throwing her a party. Delia wants to know if someone else should, and Irv says he'd like to see them try. That Delia is so cute. I just love her in her baseball cap. I tried to get my daughter to wear one, and she wouldn't, and then I screamed at her, "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE DELIA? GOD!" Does that make me a bad parent?
Irv gets up to leave just as H! NN is sitting down. She passive-aggressively insults the town newspaper by saying just how much she loves reading something that's not a police blotter. I really don't like her either, and y'all, I have my TiVo paused on her face right now, and just be glad you're not here to see it. Delia says that no one is throwing Edna a birthday party, and H! NN positively wets herself volunteering to do it. She tells Delia conspiratorially, "I could teach you all my secrets…" No, Delia, please no! Run! Delia tells H! NN that she's not sure if Edna even wants a party, and H! NN says, "The Lupus Foundation didn't want a party either. Now they're bigger than MS, thanks to me!" Delia looks confused, but smiles politely at her poor insane grandmother and inwardly writes a note to herself: Don't Get Senile.
Cut to Andy, who's knocking on Neighbor Nina's door. He asks for a cigarette. She tells him he doesn't smoke. He says he does sometimes. Nina shuffles outside in her robe to get him a cigarette she's hiding in a birdfeeder. She tells him that he only knows she smokes because he's her doctor, and he's taking advantage. Wait, she hides cigarettes in a birdfeeder? How ridiculous. Don't they get damp? Wet cigarettes are no friend of mine, nor yours, folks. Nina should know better. Andy says, "Julia hated these. And now I feel even guiltier when I sneak them." I don't see how he thinks he's sneaking. I thought dead people could see everything. Nina fixes Andy with an inappropriate gaze and says, even more inappropriately, "So, do you wanna spill it, or do I have to get rough?" Whoa, there, Hester Prynne. Aren't you married? Andy clearly doesn't notice that Nina wants to jump him, and tells her that Ephram's getting ready to leave. He's sad because "they're acting like my opinion doesn't mean a damn thing." Aw, Treat looks kind of cute when he's whiny and vulnerable. Nina tells him that it doesn't mean a damn thing until you "give it." What she really means is "hang me upside down and take me halfway to Happyland, you big neuro-stud." Oh, wait. Wrong show. Andy says he can't say anything, because he doesn't know what the right thing to do is yet. Nina says she's never felt sure about anything as a parent, blah blah blah faux-insecurity-cakes, and tells Andy to do what he wants. He says that doing what he wants is what got them here in the first place. God, this is a long scene. Nina suggests talking to his father-in-law, and both Andy and I make nasty faces and say, "I don't think that would be a very good idea, because if I get in the same room with him again I'll probably kill him." Damn right.
Delia's getting off the bus in front of Andy's office. She stops Edna and Irv on the sidewalk and hands Edna an invitation. Delia says, "You are both cordially invited to commemorate the day of your birth with festivity and friends." Only, she mumbles a little, so it sounds like "fat study in France." Ah, yes. My favorite way to party. Delia says she's invited everyone she knows. Irv tells Delia that they'd be delighted, and then tells Nurse Aggro to "use your words, Edna." Edna growls at Delia through Clenched Teeth Of Irv Ain't Getting None Tonight, "Thank you." Delia says, "Don't forget; it's formal!" This should be good.
Abbott house. Amy's on the couch reading a book whose title I can't quite see. Bright Abbott comes in and wants to watch SpongeBob. Amy doesn't respond. Bright mocks her, "Yes, I mind, I'm studying. Besides, I'm still mad at you. 'Still?' Yes, it's going to last forever and ever, because my name is Amy, and I never do anything wrong, and I…I've got perfect skin." I like this Bright. Amy sulks and turns the other way. Bright turns on SpongeBob. Score!
Dr. Abbott walks in on the phone, saying, "Oh, yes, we will certainly be there." He tells Amy and Bright that they have to go to the Browns' house; they're throwing his mother a birthday party. Patch Abbott is so jubilant when he says this that he spits on himself a little. He says it's going to be priceless. Bright gets all bratty: "Take a lot of pictures, I'm not goin'." Amy doesn't want to go if Bright doesn't have to. Bright says his stomach hurts, and then he and Amy try to talk over each other until Dr. Abbott tells them that they have to go: "That woman is direct kin and we are not going to miss out on her abject misery. As a family." He tells Bright to suck it up, and Amy that she loves her grandmother, he can't believe she'd miss it. Amy, who has really shiny hair, says that it's not that, but she doesn't know how she feels about going to the Browns'. Dr. Abbott says he thought she was friends with "the son, the one with tuberculosis." Hee. Amy says, "Not recently," and Patch looks very pleased. "Excellent," he Smitherses. "I'll start dinner."
Ephram's room. He looks like he's been crying, but that may just be Gregory Smith's natural state, and in any case, I don't care, because he's freaking hot. He's tortured and sad and pretty and I think I am a little ashamed of myself. Just wanted to get that out of the way. Ephram picks up the phone to call someone, but Hey! Nonny Nonny interrupts to tell him that she finally found the "good napkins." Ephram tells her he's trying to decide if he should tell anyone he might be moving. H! NN says, "Like Delia?" Yes, Grandmother. Like Delia. Who must have moved out and gotten her own apartment, which is why he'd be calling her on the phone. Ephram says, "Among others." H! NN says she thinks Delia will understand, and that maybe Andy could help him talk to Delia about it. Ephram says they didn't exactly plan this out together. H! NN says that he and his father should talk, and instructs Ephram to follow her.
H! NN leads Ephram into the dining room, and tells him that the dining room table used to belong to her and Gramps. She starts telling Ephram about the first time that Andy and Jacob met: Gramps had been hearing all over the hospital about some hotshot new surgeon, and from Julia at home about this kid who was sweeping her off her feet, and Jacob didn't like any of it. Why? Was he jealous of a new doctor? Why would he be mad that his daughter was happy? Anyway, Julia brings Andy over for the first time for dinner ("I made a brisket.") and Andy looked like he wanted to ask for something, so the ladies left the men alone to beat their chests and have a testosterone shootout. Or, alternately, to try to match each other shot for shot with a bottle of Polish vodka. Whichever you prefer. H! NN goes on to say that neither of the men would give in, and that Andy never did ask to marry Julia, and Jacob never said, "Yes." Is there a point to this story? Oh, here it is. Finally. Ephram's dad isn't mad at him; it's just that he's been involved in some sort of weird battle for power with Gramps for years. Neither man wants to lose; they'll always be trying to "drink each other under the table." Gah.
Commercial. Awesome. I think I deserve an inaugural recapping drink. Mmm, Polish vodka.
It's snowing in Everwood. Pretty shots of churches, houses, trees, and so forth being swathed in snow. Irv voice-overs, "No matter how old you are, it's hard not to get excited when snow starts to fall. Because, so long as it keeps coming, no one can make you go anywhere or do anything. All life's rules are suspended." I really wish these dumb narrations would be suspended, but we can't have everything.
Andy's watching Ephram put on his tie, presumably for the party. He tells Ephram that someone called from New York for him. "You got a friend named Scug?" Ephram says that Scug was only at the house, like, every day. Andy says that Rachel Ackerman is having a welcome back party for Ephram because she is "…let me make sure I got this right. 'Totally hot for your ass.'" Treat rocked that line, I have to say. Ephram doesn't even blink. These crazy kids and their progressive parents. He tells his dad that girls are a little faster in New York. Which segues nicely into Andy's remark, which is that he wants to talk to Ephram about "this New York thing." Ephram cuts Andy off and says he can't talk right now because he has to get dressed. Andy takes the bait and leaves. Okay, so Ephram's being a jackass, but that doesn't mean Dr. Brown has to be such a chicken about it.
A clock ticks in the Abbotts' house, letting us know that Bright on the couch under a blanket means he is not dressed for the party in a timely fashion. Dr. Abbott walks in and tells us just that. Bright says he's not going, that his stomach hurts. He might have "Spina Buffalo." His name is Bright, huh? Dr. Abbott pokes him a little and tells him to get dressed. Bright complains that he'll just yak on the Browns' floor, but gets up anyway.
Party at the Browns'. Approximately one hundred and fifty thousand extras have been shoved into the house for the festivities. Grandpa Hoffman is playing a jaunty tune on the piano, except that his hands are totally not moving. They really need to work on that. Ephram doesn't ever look like he's playing, either. Delia answers the door in a little blue dress and her baseball cap. Aw. It's the Abbotts. Delia invites them in all proper-like, because she's "hostess." Bright follows slowly enough for Delia to have closed the door already, and when she opens it on him…Delia's in loooooove, y'all. She looks at Bright in his super-puffy winter jacket, and proclaims, "You're huge." Yay! Bright introduces himself and compliments her "way-cool outfit." Delia, with a response that will haunt her for years to come, replies, "It itches." She stares after him and removes her cap in reverence. And also because she wants him to see her pretty hair.
Ephram catches sight of Amy and takes off in another direction. She looks sad. Grandpa Hoffman finally finishes that infernal song, and everyone applauds in utter relief. Dr. Abbott refuses the drink that Gramps offers, saying he wants to be perfectly lucid when his mother arrives. Gramps fixes him one anyway, and we see a tremor in his hands as he gives the drink to Dr. Abbott. Pay attention, kids. This is what I like to call A Moment Of Obvious Foreshadowing. Gramps blames it on a hand cramp, but we all know that's not true. They toast just as the doorbell rings.
It's Nurse Edna and Irv, of course. Delia looks disappointed that Edna is "wearing regular clothes." Edna tells Delia not to push it. Everyone claps as they enter, and Edna looks like she'd rather be having her face sliced off by Hannibal Lecter than getting air kisses from H! NN. Edna tells H! NN to watch her back. Girlfight! Edna tells Irv she's going to "the Officers' Club 'til closing." I don't know what that means, but I like Edna, so it's funny. A guest greets her and she stalks off, throwing a "shut up" over her shoulder.
Amy runs into Ephram coming down the stairs. She asks where the bathroom is, and he coldly gives her instructions. Amy compliments their house, and tells him he's stuck with her until cake. He looks so sad. Gramps calls Ephram over to the piano, so he leaves Amy on the stairs looking forlorn. Ephram does offer her a "peace" before he leaves. Nice.
H! NN finds Andy in the kitchen and tells him she hopes he's not trying to cook anything. She tells him not to worry about anything, to leave the party to her. Andy tells her that he can't help but think the party is a celebration of his failure. Way to make Nurse Edna's birthday all about you, Treat. H! NN says she wishes it had never come to this, and Nina interrupts their very tense moment for more food. She leaves with a "sorry," and Andy tells H! NN that he wants her to be straight with him. "Did you two come here just to take Ephram back?" H! NN tells Andy that it's no secret that Ephram is miserable in Everwood, and that Andy can't possibly enjoy watching that. She tells him to listen to Gramps and Ephram playing their duet in the living room. Ah, I love this tune. It's called Etude For A Shitty Dad In B Minor. Andy looks very lonely as his first-born and that stupid grandfather fake-play the piano together.
Cut to Delia and Bright, having an intimate conversation. Delia asks Bright what he does. He says he goes to school. Delia tells him she's in third grade. Bright says, "Miss Violet? I had her. Twice." Why do they keep making it easy to make jokes about his name? Delia and Bright talk more about Miss Violet's class, and Bright winces in pain. He tells Delia he hasn't eaten all day. Delia says she'll get him some tea, and Bright tells her that she's the only one in her family that's not a total freak. That wasn't very nice, Bright. Delia doesn't care -- she hits Bright with some highly age-inappropriate bedroom eyes and goes to get her man something to drink.
Patch Abbott admonishes Nurse Edna for not talking to Bright yet. She grouses around about not needing anymore "softies" in her life, then gets up all huffy and goes to talk to Bright. Nurse Edna and Bright make some uncomfortable small talk, and she tells him that parties are way more fun when you can drink. Nurse Edna tells Bright he doesn't look so good. He says his stomach is whacked out, and she counters that he always did have a "stomach like a sea cucumber." Ew. Bright's insulted, and his grandmother tells him that she didn't mean it like that. Bright pouts, "You said it like that." Edna's not having it: "We done here?" Bright says yes, and she walks away. Rock on, Edna. Don't let no little sissy baby make you feel bad at your own party.
Andy finds Ephram in the kitchen and tries to get him to talk about New York. Ephram sees nothing to talk about, and Andy disagrees. Ephram says he thought Andy would be happy he's going back. Andy tells Ephram to forget that for a second and think about what it's going to do to Delia. Score one for the dad with the guilt trip. Ephram tells Andy that they would have been fine if they had just stayed in New York, that Andy would be "respectable instead of the town crazy." Ouch. Ephram insists that he's going back. Andy accuses Ephram of conspiring against him with his grandfather. Real mature, Andy. He tells Ephram that he's the father and it's his decision. Ephram says that Andy's only opposed to this because it's just a competition with Grandpa Hoffman, that he's not even sorry Ephram's leaving. Andy tells Ephram that he has no idea what this is about, and that they can talk later when Ephram's calmed down.
Oh, but Ephram is NOT calm. He doesn't want to talk later; he wants to ruin the party by taking the fight out into the living room and bringing the guests' fun to a grinding halt. Andy tells Ephram not to do this right now. Ephram makes me really sad for him when he says, "I miss home. I miss knowing my way around. I miss not having friends I can trust, and I miss not like feeling like a freak all the time. I miss not being around people who think Cats is an opera." Heh. Ephram tells Andy that all he has to do is say that he can go back. Delia interrupts to ask Ephram if he's leaving. Wah. Andy tells her no, that he's just thinking about it. Ephram tells Andy to admit that he'd be better off in New York. Andy haltingly does. Ephram says meanly, "That's what I thought." All the guests are really weirded out, and we go to commercial.
Snow. Lots and lots of snow. Drs. Brown and Abbott are in the bedroom with Bright, who is lying on the bed looking wan. Dr. Brown tells Patch Abbott to "check the leg -- it's going to be tender." Huh? Patch Abbott raises Bright's leg, and he grunts in pain. The two doctors bitch at each other about the diagnosis, and Patch says it's probably an inflamed appendix, because it runs in their family. Dr. Brown tells Bright that they'll probably have to remove it. He says they need to get Bright to the hospital. Mrs. Abbott helpfully points out the tons of snow outside. Oh, no, they're snowed in! Whatever will they do? Mrs. Abbott tells Andy to get his "snow stuff." Andy has no idea what she's talking about. Patch Abbott explains to Andy, as to a retarded child, that it's emergency extras, for when guests get snowed in. Andy tells Patch that "you people should have a packet, explaining all your customs." The elder Abbotts walk out disappointedly. Oh, shove it, you two. He didn't know!
Delia approaches Ephram at the piano. She asks him, "Why do you and Dad hate each other?" Poor Delia. Ephram says they don't. Delia asks Ephram why he wants to leave. Ephram gives her Big Brother Stock Answer #43, which is, "It's hard to explain." He tries to make an analogy about Delia and her outgrown sweaters so she'll understand, but it's very lame and I'd rather not make Ephram look bad, if you don't mind. Let's just say Ephram feels like he's too big for Everwood. Delia tells him, "You're not too big. You fit here." Ephram looks away, abashed that he just got told by his little sister.
Neighbor's house. Andy's borrowing "snow stuff" from Nina. She's telling him a story about being unprepared and having to sleep under towels, and she's mumbling and I'm not listening, and neither is Andy. Nina accuses him of going all self-pity on her, and he says it's not self-pitying -- he's trying to do what's right for Ephram by giving him what he wants. Whatever, Brown. No you're not. Andy says that every time he tries to tell Ephram he cares, someone says something stupid. Nina tells Andy to tell Ephram what he just told her, which was basically nothing, but okay. Andy says that he can't do that, because Ephram might change his mind. He's trying to do what's right for Ephram, and he doesn't think he's it. Cry me a river, man. Acting like you're not good enough for your own son isn't helping anybody. I like Nina, because she thinks so too. She wants to know since when there was dignity in parenthood. "You're changing diapers, for God's sake, and suddenly you want to be noble?" Go, Nina. Andy tells her she's been "very helpful." Hee. They leave with the blankets, and Nina says that nobody said parents have to be nice all the time. I know that's right. Somebody tell my kid to go fix me another drink.
Amy catches Ephram hiding on the front porch swing. Is this a funny humour game by the writers to disprove Omar's theory that all people on TV wrapped in blankets are victims of a recent trauma? I think Amy's just cold. Ephram says he used to like rain better than snow, but now he's on the fence. Amy says, in the most wooden line delivery ever given in the history of lines, "I like the snow. Snow is [something unintelligible] and when it falls down like this, time stops." She sounds like she's a robot, only programmed to mumble. She asks to sit down, and Ephram brushes off a spot for her. Aw, he's sweet now. He also still doesn't have a scarf, so he's shivering. Amy asks him why he didn't tell her he might leave, and he says he didn't think she'd have an opinion. She says of course she would. Ephram says he needed to figure it out for himself, and that, like it or not, she tends to have an effect on his moods. She agrees, and he breaks my heart by telling Amy that when she's nice to him, there's nothing he can't do, and when she's mad at him, "it's all I can think about." Oh, Ephram. You're so dreamy and tortured. Come sit on Mama's lap. Uh…did I just say that? Ephram says that Amy's in his head, and she apologizes for being inconsiderate of his feelings. How did we get here all of a sudden? Amy asks him if he's really leaving. He says he thinks so; New York has everything. Amy tells him that "Everwood has really good snow." Ephram says, "That's your pitch?" I second that emotion, Ephram. That was kind of weak.
Inside, Gramps is playing the piano again. Isn't he tired yet? Andy asks to talk to him, "Now." They go outside. Andy tells Gramps that it's time he heard what he thought about all this: "I think it stinks." I can think of some other words for what it does. Gramps tells Andy he's only doing exactly what he himself would do if Andy could see the shape he was in. Gramps accuses Andy of "barely holding it together," and that "your boy" is so depressed he asked to leave. Andy says it's only because Gramps pushed him to leave, that he was just looking for a reason to take Ephram. Gramps says that Andy's reason is just fine -- "You've always only been half a person. Yeah, you're a great surgeon. As a man? You're like glass. No substance. No soul." Ow. Thanks a lot, Shaky Shakerton. Grandpa "Showing My Ass" Hoffman goes on to say that Ephram sees right through him because he doesn't have Julia to cover his ass. Man. Andy finally grabs his balls and tells Gramps that his kids are all he's got left, and there's no way anybody's going to take that away from him. Gramps says that Andy took his daughter, and neglected her, and now she's gone, and he won't be left with nothing. Oh, so that's what this is about. Way to use your grandson as a pawn in your stupid power play. Delia, once again, interrupts this painful conversation to tell Andy that Bright fell down.
Bright's still on the bed, in serious pain. Patch Abbott tells Andy that "he's perforating." Ick. Bright's appendix has burst, apparently, and he needs to go to the hospital. Irv says that they might get stuck. Andy has a bright idea. Ping! You can practically see the light go on above his head. Andy calls Ephram and tells him to put his saw on the dining room table, then asks Irv if they can at least get to Andy's office. Andy tells Bright, "This is gonna be fun!" Bright looks like he wants to puke, then die.
Cut to Dr. Brown's office. Andy, Abbott, Irv, and Edna carry Bright in on a "stretcher." Patch Abbott says, "Sorry about your table." They cut it up? To carry Bright on? I would normally disbelieve this, but it's the table that Jacob Hoffman bought and so now I'm glad. Andy tells Patch Abbott that they only have the medicine to give Bright a local anesthetic, and Dr. Abbott gets all offended that they're going to "make do" on his son. He tells Andy that a spinal block will risk paralyzing his lungs, and some other medical stuff, and Andy says with conviction, "I won't." I love a good TV doctor, y'all. Dr. Abbott tells Bright that Nurse Edna's going to give him a shot, and Dr. Brown will "do something showy with your back," and then Dr. Hoffman will take out his appendix. Gramps looks stricken; he tells Andy he can't do the surgery because he was drinking at the party. Andy doesn't buy it. He tells Jacob to get on it. Patch Abbott calls Gramps out by telling Andy that it's "a tremor. His hands are gone." Andy's going to have to do the surgery. Ha ha.
Back from commercial. Delia and Amy are making hot chocolate. They have a very sweet conversation about who has the dumbest brother in the world, and it's very nice to see their girly bonding. They both decide that neither wants the hot chocolate, and Amy says that she just "needed to make it." Delia assures Amy that she doesn't have to be scared, because her dad's there, and "he's the best." Sniff.
Gramps is guiding Andy through the surgery. Andy says, "It's that slimy thing, right?" Um, sure. Doctor. Bright looks terrified, and Patch Abbott tries to distract him with a story about flying like Superman off his bunk bed. It's a nice story, ending with Patch Abbott having to be rushed to the hospital as a kid by Nurse Edna, in her sidecar. Gramps is still talking Andy through it. Andy says, "Look at us! It's almost as if we like each other." Don't turn to the Dark Side, Andy! They finish the surgery, and everyone smiles at each other in a very cheesy way.
More pretty scenery for the Irv voice-over: "The best thing about snow, other than snowballs, is that it has an equalizing effect. Snow can take any object or situation and make it pretty just the same -- couldn't care less what's underneath." Uh, gag. It was a nice effort, though, Irv.
Andy walks through the snow to Nina's bird house, and replaces the cigarette he borrowed. Sappy music plays, and it sounds like a bizarre rendition of "Flashdance." Hey, don't ask me. I just report the facts. Andy walks into his house, where Ephram tells him that Mrs. Abbott called, and that Bright's going to be fine. Ephram tells Andy that he and Delia split a bed, and that "the other thousand" slept everywhere else. They're all gone now, it seems. Snow melts fast in Everwood. Ephram asks how Dr. Abbott is, and Andy says, "He's a good dad," with the obvious undertone that Andy is not.
He then apologizes to Ephram for fighting with him in front of everyone. Ephram says that it's his fault, too. Andy says that it doesn't matter, because he's supposed to be the grownup. He says he says the wrong thing, and does the wrong thing, and that he gets so angry sometimes, but not at Ephram. He gets angry at himself because he can't seem to make Ephram understand how much he needs his son. Andy tells him, "When your mom died, a thousand people said a thousand stupid things, and I just wanted one of them to give me a reason not to die…and you said, 'Everything's gonna be okay.' You're the only one who can tell me everything's gonna be okay and I believe it." Andy says he wishes he could be the same for Ephram, and that he knows he's miserable, and that he knows he'll be happier in New York. And just when you think Ephram's off the hook, friends, Andy hits us with this: "But I don't care. I want you to stay. I need you to stay." He tells Ephram that Gramps thinks he's only half a person, and if Ephram leaves, he'll be right. Man, this is pretty heavy. Ephram looks at his dad sorrowfully.
Cut to Bright in a hospital bed. Nurse Edna walks in and asks, "How we doing?" Dr. Abbott tells her that he'll be fine. Bright pipes up, "You have Doc Brown to thank for that." Bright starts to grumble at his grandmother, but she stops him, and says, "Your appendix popped which hurts like hell. Then someone cut you open while you watched. You never made so much as a peep through the whole thing." Aw, she's proud of him for not being a crybaby. Nurse Edna salutes Bright. It's cute, even though I hate that sort of thing. She tells him gruffly that if he ever gets sick again, she'll kick his "sorry butt." Bright tells her, "No deal, unless you say it nicer." She looks teary and says, "You had me worried, kid." They smile. Nurse Edna tells him that he has a visitor, too. Delia "I'm In Love With Bright And I Don't Care Who Knows It" Brown walks in with birthday cake. She tells Bright not to ever scare them again. He says he'll try.
Strummy strummy la-la music plays on Ephram in the Unnamed Diner. Amy comes in, knocks Ephram's earphones out, and does a weird little spin move on the seat beside him. She launches into a breathless Angel of Death spiel about everyone she fights with slipping into a coma or losing his appendix, and that she wants to make up with him before he leaves and dies or something. Ephram tells her that she is the strangest girl he's ever met. Amy agrees, but says that Ephram has been a good friend to her despite it. She tells him he's "different," and he doesn't know how to respond. He says that's not the worst thing he's ever been called. Amy tells him he totally sucks for leaving, and Ephram drops the bombshell that wasn't ever a bombshell on us: He's not leaving. He's staying. Duh. Amy says that she thought New York had everything. Ephram nearly whispers, "Just about." And looks away shyly, because he's so. Damn. Cute.
H! NN visits Andy in his office, where he's putting away his new stretcher. He tells her that they don't have to leave tonight. She says they do, and Andy tells her that he's sorry things didn't turn out the way she wanted. She says, "No you're not." I'm not either, frankly, but thanks for trying, Granny. Gramps walks over for his second go at Andy, but he's surprisingly nice. He tells Andy that he was really good last night -- that he made everyone feel safe, even him. He says that Andy's changed, and that it's Everwood that has changed him. Gramps says it would be a lot easier "if you were the schmuck that I always took you for." Well, that was nice, for Gramps, I guess. Andy laughs at that, even though he probably still wants to deck him. Gramps says that Julia would have liked him like this, and that if he'd stayed in New York, he'd have wound up like him. Andy says that's not such a bad thing to turn into. What? Andy, I repeat, do not turn to the Dark Side. Step away! He doesn't listen. Andy pours them both a shot of whiskey, and Jacob's tremor is apparent as he takes the glass. He tells Andy that he's been lecturing the past six months to hide his problem. Andy suggests that it could be Wilson's Disease rather than Parkinson's, and asks him if he's taking medication. Gramps says not to diagnose him, and that he'll take the tests when he's good and ready. Stubborn old man. I can't believe I'm making fun of an old guy with possibly Parkinson's. ["Take a number." -- Sars] See what recapping has reduced me to?
Grandpa "I Like You A Little Better Now, But Not Much" Hoffman notices that the snow has started again. He tells Andy that the train station reminds him of a little town they were stuck in years ago, when Julia was little. Andy looks nauseated as realization dawns upon him. Gramps asks him if Julia ever told him that story. Andy says, "Remind me." Gramps says that Julia was mesmerized by the snow; she couldn't stop looking at it. Andy is silent, which is fine by me. I don't think he should tell old Gramps his little secret.
More Irv VO: "It's not just that snow makes the world pretty. Snow gives us all a second chance. Snow cleanses, hiding the sins of all without prejudice, or favor, or blame. Everything gets to be pure again, if only for a little while. Which might be all you need." Okay, okay, so I liked that one. Sue me.