Previously: Jake asked Abby to join him for his niece's baptism. Susan told Chuck that tenure would mean financial security for their family, but at her tenure review meeting, Kaysen noted that Susan hadn't raised much grant money. Meanwhile, Moneybags Carter was paying for an entire new hospital facility. Neela told Shane that medicine isn't a day job. Morris interviewed for Chief Resident, and Kerry gave him serious consideration. Sam bought a pregnancy test, and didn't look too thrilled about it.
An alarm goes off, and Shane West wakes up and turns it off. He's lying on the floor, for some reason. A naked lady is in his bed. She wakes up and asks why he's on the floor. Shane doesn't know. She laughs and tells him to get back in bed, but he says he's got to go to work, as a doctor. She laughs again and expresses doubt that he's actually a doctor. Shane looks hurt, like, why would she believe you, dude? Shane says he has to work a twelve-hour shift today. The naked lady digs around in her purse (that's not a euphemism) and takes out a small vial. Drugs! She offers some to Shane, and he seems to consider it (and doesn't looks shocked that she's offering), but then turns her down. I think it's coke. Or possibly speed, because she snorts it. Naked Drug Lady tells Shane that he has a sucky day job.
Pratt is pursuing much healthier activities, as he plays basketball with a buddy at an outdoor court. Buddy asks what time Pratt will arrive at the party. Pratt hasn't heard anything about this party. Buddy reminds him that one of their friends is turning thirty, and then guesses that Pratt won't be attending because he's too busy. Buddy misses an easy layup, and then says that if he makes his shot, Pratt will have to attend the party. Buddy prepares to take the shot, which is from about the foul line, as Pratt commences with the trash talk. Buddy bricks the shot.
Luka is in the bathroom, getting ready for work by shaving. But he's out of shaving gel. He yells this information to Sam, who yells back that there's more under the sink. Isn't this Luka's apartment? Shouldn't he know where they keep the shaving gel? Whatever. It's just a plot device to get to the real point of the scene, which will happen in about four more sentences. Luka hesitates, because his hand is full of shaving foam, and then grabs a towel from a nearby shelf. As he does so, a couple of other towels fall off the stack, and a box falls out. Luka picks it up and sees that it's Sam's pregnancy test. He tosses it back under some towels as Sam walks in and asks if he found the shaving gel. She hands it to him and asks if he's almost done in the bathroom, and then very unsubtly glances at her pregnancy test hiding spot. She is horrible at keeping secrets. Luka pretends nothing is wrong as he lathers up the rest of his face. Sam wipes some shaving cream from his ear, but he doesn't smile at her or anything. See, this would have been the perfect time for him to ask about the test. I don't really fault her for not telling him; I think many women have been a day or two late and taken a test just to be sure without telling their partners, because they were pretty sure there was nothing to be worried about. I guess we're supposed to think it's representative of larger problems in their relationship.
Carter walks into Weaver's office. She has an assistant! And he's wearing a bright purple shirt! And using AIM, based on the blooping sound effects. Carter asks if Kerry's in, and before her assistant can check, Kerry walks out of her office and dumps a bunch of work on the assistant's desk. She also blames him for her crappy coffee. Do assistants still get coffee for people? I think I need an assistant. I can't pay anything, but I won't be a bitch. That often. Duties would include getting coffee, making sure my recapping shows get recorded, walking my dog when I'm on deadline, and screening my calls. Applicants can contact me via my TWoP email account. Anyway, Weaver and Carter head for the elevator. Weaver just comes right out and tells Carter that he's been awarded tenure. He's shocked, but happy, and says he wasn't expecting it until year. Weaver assures him that he's earned it, and then lets him know that she hasn't told the other applicants yet, so he should keep it on the QT for now. She gets into the elevator, leaving Carter kind of stunned.
Luka and Sam commute to work as "Trouble" by Pink plays on the car radio. Now, come on. Why not just find a song called "My Girlfriend Took a Pregnancy Test and Didn't Tell Me About It Beforehand So I Shall Sulk in a Handsome Slavic Manner"? Luka turns down the radio, and Sam asks if he doesn't like the radio station. Luka asks if she feels okay, because she was in the bathroom for a long time. Sam says it wasn't any longer than usual. You'd think he'd guess from her fairly chipper manner that the test was negative, but I guess the point is that he shouldn't have to guess. Luka finally sacks up and says, "So was it positive or negative?" Sam continues looking out the window and says that it was negative. Luka asks if she was going to say anything, and Sam says, "I was worried. I checked, and I was wrong. What is there to say?" I kind of agree with her there, as stated above. I mean, it might be a good reminder that they should discuss what they would do in case of an unexpected pregnancy, but I don't know that on the way into work is the best time for that discussion anyway. Sam asks if Luka would rather have it be positive. Luka says he doesn't want her to keep secrets. Sam points out that it's ironic that he says that, because he knows "all of [her] dirty laundry" and she doesn't know a thing about him. Luka denies that. Sam asks, "How am I supposed to know when you're being honest when you don't talk?" Luka says that she lied about the pregnancy test, and Sam says that she didn't lie. She just didn't tell him. Sam says that Luka does the same thing about his past and his family. Luka ignores the implied question and says that he should check the traffic report. Sam heaves a big sigh, and apparently, the conversation is over.
Morris hands a chart to Neela for a patient with "cat litter ingestion, uncontrollable drooling." Heh. Neela seems about to turn it down but Pratt offers her "a butt abcess on a three-hundred-pounder," and she takes the drooling. Chuny comes in and reports that Eugene Bradley is there without a parent, complaining of pain. Pratt glances over at a teenager standing in the waiting room, and passes it off to Morris. They all reminisce about the various excuses Eugene has given them in the past to try to get more pain medication. Neela says that his disease has made him narcotic-dependent. Morris calls him an addict, and Pratt says that they have to treat him anyway. Morris tries to pass it off to Abby, but Neela says that Abby went to some family thing with Jake. Shane walks up and files some charts. Morris compliments his ability to discharge patients and hands off Eugene's chart. Shane apparently hasn't heard of Eugene, and thinks he's just a regular sickle-cell patient. Morris minimizes the difficulty of the case, and Shane takes it.
Jerry tells Morris that he has a cruel streak, and Morris smirks. Carter walks up and asks a question. Jerry turns and congratulates Carter on getting tenure. Carter wonders how Jerry heard already, and we hear the telltale blooping noise of AIM. Hee! I love that Jerry instant-messages with Weaver's assistant so as to keep up on all ER gossip. Also, when did Jerry get a huge bald spot and gray hair? It seems like only yesterday that he was playing a young Dan Conner to Sara Rue playing a young Roseanne. Jerry suggests that they celebrate, and Carter says it's not exactly official yet, so Jerry should keep it quiet.
Shane checks out Eugene's feet, and says that there's some swelling, but that they can't treat him without his mother's consent. Eugene has a note, but Shane says that unless it's an emergency, they need his mother there in person. Eugene says that it hurts really bad. Shane asks what he's taking, and Eugene says that he's taking morphine, but that the pills don't really work, and that his mom said he probably needs an IV. So far, exactly what the other doctors predicted he would say. Shane clearly knows from drug usage, so he offers to get Eugene some taxi vouchers, and says that Eugene should go home, take his pills, stay off his feet, and then have his mother bring him back if that doesn't help. Eugene complains that he'll have to wait when he comes back, and Shane tells Eugene to ask for Shane.
Carter finds Susan in the drug room, organizing the shelves. Did she take some of Shane's lady friend's speed? Carter nonchalantly leans against the wall and asks if Kerry has found Susan yet. Susan says she hasn't, and asks why. Carter says, "Because they're making the tenure announcements today...and you're not the only one getting it." Susan looks shocked, and not that happy, and asks when it happened, because she didn't even know that Carter had applied. Carter asks if she's surprised. Susan backtracks and says that it's great, but that she thought Carter was planning to wait a few years. Carter says that they encouraged him to apply early. Susan says worriedly that no one encouraged her to apply. Carter is sure that Weaver just hasn't found Susan yet, because Susan's been hiding in the drug room all morning. He asks if she's been avoiding Morris. They both spot Morris talking to some students. Susan rolls her eyes and says she'll get this over with.
Morris tells one of the students to give a patient a particular drug, and the student reminds him that the drug is contraindicated because the patient is going into surgery. Morris doesn't answer and notices Susan standing there, so he suddenly tries to act like he cares about his patients. Susan pulls him aside as Morris looks worried. Susan gets him into an exam room and blurts, "You're the new Chief Resident!" Morris starts celebrating and talking about how his father will eat his words. Susan continues rambling about "a three-month probation period" which I feel might be important later. Morris finally babbles, "It is so gratifying to see that, that meritocracy is alive and well at County, that hard work is rewarded, and that an individual's ability is valued over politics, wealth, and the proverbial old boy's club." Susan just blinks at him, probably thinking, "You have so much to learn." She tells him that he starts the new job today, and walks out.
Susan asks Jerry if she has any messages, but she doesn't. Neela reports her drooling case to Pratt. Jerry says that there's a guy on the phone for Pratt who says that the party's at 8:00 PM, and that the ball had too much bounce. Pratt retorts that a bet is a bet. Pratt compliments Neela. Shane walks up with a chart for Pratt to sign. Jerry asks whatever happened with Eugene. Why does Jerry care? Shane says he sent Eugene home, and Pratt points out that Eugene is still there. Neela says that Eugene is a frequent flyer. Shane looks around for Morris to yell at him for dumping the chart, but Morris is busy making an announcement that he's the new Chief Resident. Shouldn't Susan be the one to make that announcement? Pratt asks Susan if this is a joke, and Susan points out that he didn't want it. Chuny says that they have a number of traumas coming in from a fire in an apartment building. Morris starts barking out orders, and everyone just laughs at him. Neela wonders what Abby will say about this when she finds out, which is a really clunky line, and only serves a segue to the scene where...
...Abby says "Jesus Christ." I'm really not a fan of the whole "Cut to a new scene that seems to fit in with the last scene, with humorous results" style of editing, but I did chuckle at that one. Anyway, Abby is standing to Jake while his niece is baptized. That totally wouldn't happen. Well, I guess it depends on the parish, but in my home parish, that totally wouldn't happen. I almost didn't get to be my nephew's godmother because although I am baptized and confirmed, I'm not a practicing Catholic, and they couldn't find a practicing Catholic to be the godfather, and one of you has to be. I'm just saying -- they're pretty strict about who they let participate in the ceremony, and I know Abby's not particularly religious. Abby would be sitting in the second pew with Jake's other siblings or aunts or cousins, or relegated to the third pew with the rest of the heathens. The best part is that some dude behind Abby and Jake is holding up a camcorder with one hand and it's shaky and moving all around. Ah, crappy home videos that no one ever watches. Abby looks really pretty, and Jake looks really...ecstatic, like kind of creepily so. He asks Abby if she's okay, and the priest totally busts him and gives Abby a stern look. I note that Abby doesn't respond "I do" when asked all the questions about rejecting Satan and believing in Jesus Christ. She keeps glancing around at all the iconography. Jake is, like, sweating, he's so excited. It's freaking me out. He takes the baby from his sister or sister-in-law or whoever.
The paramedics bring someone in, with the help of Morris, Pratt, Shane, and Sam. Eugene yells out to Shane that he can't walk. Pratt notes that Eugene knows the system, because now his case is considered an emergency. Shane asks Haleh for a wheelchair for Eugene. She responds, "You're the doctor." Heh. I want Haleh to be my friend. Maybe Chuny can be too, but she has really bad taste in men (see Greene, Mark). Shane gives the orders, but is interrupted by some paramedics busting through the door. Susan is with a patient who was in the fire, and she's suffering from smoke inhalation but no head trauma. She's crying and yelling about how she wasn't even supposed to be there, like whatever, Dante Hicks. Shane says that her lungs are clear as they wheel her into Trauma Yellow.
Carter has joined them, and he, Susan, and Shane try to puzzle out what's wrong with the lady. She doesn't seem to have internal bleeding, or a neck injury, or a collapsed lung. The heart monitor starts going crazy, and her blood pressure drops. Carter rolls her to look for injuries on her back. Susan says there's no history of cardiac problems. As the patient continues to fail, Carter just raises his eyebrows at Susan and we go to commercial. Whuh?
After the break, Carter is preparing to intubate. Susan still can't figure out what's wrong, and she suggests that they step back and start over. Chuny is trying to take blood for testing, and Susan notices that the blood is bright red. She double-checks to make sure that Chuny hit a vein, not an artery, and then checks the patient's eyes. Carter's all, "What's up?" and Susan says that it's cyanide toxicity. Shane is (more) confused (than usual) as Susan explains that cyanide is released when certain materials, like PVC, are burned. Carter adds that cyanide poisoning is usually fatal at the scene, so presumably they don't see it much in the ER. Susan tells Chuny what to do, and Chuny does it. Susan says they should wait a minute, and then Chuny says that the patient is coming back. Carter tells Susan that it was a nice catch. Shane notices that Eugene is walking around door, dragging his IV on a pole, and excuses himself.
Shane runs into the room and says that he thought Eugene couldn't walk. Eugene affects a limp all of a sudden, and says he had to pee. Shane tells Eugene to stop playing him. Eugene says that he needs to be there, and that the IV helped him enough that he could walk. Shane grabs Eugene's arm and rips out the IV. Ouch! He says that Eugene got his fix, so now he can go home. Eugene protests that he needs to be there. Haleh walks in and grabs some supplies. Shane says that he needs to take care of patients with real problems, and Eugene needs to go home and take his meds. Eugene says he's out. Shane whips out his prescription pad and writes a scrip for twenty pills. Eugene keeps whining and begging to stay for one night. Shane says no and walks out. Haleh tells him that it was nicely done, and Shane thanks her. So you know there's more to the story and that Shane is going to look like a dummy. Well, more like a dummy.
Morris, Neela, and Pratt work on a guy who jumped from a window. Pratt pokes the guy's feet with a swab, but the guy can't feel it. Haleh pops in to say that Luka wants Pratt's help with other patients, and Morris promises that they'll both be right there. Heh. Morris and Pratt discuss the numbness in the guy's lower legs, and the guy asks Neela what they're saying. Neela assures him that they're just discussing possible diagnoses. Pratt thinks it could be a spinal cord injury, but Morris insists that Pratt is overthinking it. Neela sides with Pratt, which only makes Morris angrier. Sam rushes in with the x-rays and tells the patient that his friends may have been taken to another hospital. Pratt and Morris continue to argue about the diagnosis as the patient starts crying and talking about how he jumped out the window and told his friends to follow him, but it looks like they might have died in the fire.
Doris wheels in a twelve-year-old girl who was home alone when the fire started and got burns to her hands and arms. Luka comments that she's too young to be home alone. At twelve? I was babysitting other kids at eleven. Granted, two houses down from my parents, but still. ["Eh, parents are way too protective of their kids nowadays. See also: parents driving their kids to school every day and picking them up instead of letting them take the damn bus." -- Wing Chun]
Carter and Susan's patient, Marilyn, is conscious now and freaking out about the whereabouts of her purse. Carter worries that she's still altered, so they start asking her questions. Marilyn says she has to go home, because her husband travels, and he'll be home soon. Carter tells her that her building was badly damaged, and Marilyn says that she doesn't live there. Susan gives her a really weird look, like, why is that so crazy? Maybe she was visiting a friend, or picking up a package, or delivering flowers, or stalking an ex or something.
Sam unwraps Megan's arms and tells her that it's okay to cry, because she knows it hurts. Luka gives some orders. Sam asks Megan if it was scary being home alone, and Megan says she's used to it. Call George Clooney! I smell an abused child! Luka does an ultrasound on Megan's belly, and I totally thought she was going to turn out to be pregnant, based on (a) an ultrasound and (b) home alone all the time and (c) Sam and Luka's pregnancy scare. Sam says that Jerry is calling her parents. Megan says they're at the mall with Logan. Luka says that they need consent for a CT, and Sam promises that Jerry's on it. Luka keeps giving her looks like he wants her to drive to the mall and drag the parents back by their hair or something. Sam asks if that's a problem, and Luka spits, "Nope!" and walks out.
Jake and Abby walk through someone's crowded house (aw, Crowded House) and greet Jake's relatives. Jake manages to hug a cousin while holding two full plates of food, which is pretty impressive. He introduces Abby (without adding a label like "girlfriend"), and the cousin offers them some whiskey. Because they're Irish so they drink whiskey and eat corned beef and cabbage year-round! Abby says no to the alcohol, and they continue through the house, where they run into Uncle Liam and Aunt Eileen, the rudest people on the planet, because Uncle Liam immediately asks Abby if she's divorced or never married. Whuh? Who asks that? I have nosy family members too, but that's just bad manners. Jake runs interference, which is nice of him. Jake finds them seats, and then realizes that Abby put their drinks down to shake someone's hand. He gives Abby the food and leaves to get the drinks. Abby settles onto a couch between two older women. One of them is Grandma Mary, who says she's glad Abby could come. The other woman adds that Jake has talked a lot about Abby. Two younger women across from them say that they know Abby was a nurse, but that now she's a doctor. Aunt Eileen pops back in to says that Jake never mentioned children, and Abby says that she doesn't have any. This leads to a discussion of family members who had children at thirty-five and forty. Someone else comments that Abby has nothing to worry about, because she has plenty of time. Abby manages a smile, even though she's probably dying inside. I think in her position I would develop a sudden need to go to the bathroom just so I could escape.
Meanwhile, Marilyn (Carter and Susan's patient with the cyanide poisoning) is talking about some guy she met online; she was at the apartment building to meet him in person for the first time, but she got lost. Susan orders Carter to check Marilyn's lungs again. Carter says she has good breath sounds, but Susan says that the blast from an explosion could collapse a lung. Jerry pops in and tells Susan that Weaver's on the phone. Susan is annoyed, but Jerry says that Weaver wants to see Susan at 7:00 in her office. Susan asks why the appointment is so late, and Jerry says, "No life?" Heh. The doctors figure out that Marilyn isn't losing blood. Carter feels Marilyn's belly and says that there's guarding on the right. He supposes that the blast could have put a piece of glass in Marilyn's intestine. Susan says that nothing showed up on x-ray, and that her stomach wounds are all superficial. Carter orders more tests, and Susan says that she irrigated all the cuts and asks if he wants her to probe them all to prove that they're superficial. Carter does. Susan plays along, slightly annoyed, and starts sticking her finger in Marilyn's various cuts. She protests that this is useless, so of course in the very wound, Susan's finger slips all the way in and she cuts herself on a submerged piece of glass.
Sam asks Megan if everything's okay at home. Megan says she guesses it is, and adds that her little brother is actually her little half-brother because her mom got remarried. I kind of hate the "half" designation, because it always makes me think that the kid doesn't have legs or something. Megan asks Sam to tell her mom that she "got hurt like really, really bad." Jerry comes in and says that the friends of the guy who jumped out the window didn't make it. Sam thanks him for the information, and then tells Megan to get some rest.
Sam walks out to the hall and tells Luka that they should get Social Services involved with Megan. Luka asks if her family is there yet, and Sam says they're not, but that "she is in a weird space." Luka points out that she just went through a trauma. Sam thinks there are problems at home because Megan's parents went shopping without her. Luka points out that they've done the same thing with Alex. Sam continues to argue, and Luka tells her to give the family a chance to deal with the whole fire/injury situation before calling a social worker. Luka starts to stomp off, and Sam looks pissy. Behind her back, Luka starts to walk back to her, perhaps to apologize, but then changes his mind and walks away again.
Dubenko comes down to check out Marilyn's x-ray, and finds that glass punctured her colon. Shane asks why it didn't show up on the original x-ray, and Carter says that it was unleaded glass, while Dubenko adds that only heavy metal shows up on x-ray. Like Judas Priest? Dubenko yells out to Carter to congratulate him on "early tenure." Carter thanks him. Susan walks through, and Dubenko asks about the cut on her finger. Susan says it hurts, and so does her arm now, since she just got a tetanus shot. Shane reports that the rapid HIV test came back negative, and Susan is happy. She helps Dubenko to wheel Marilyn up to the OR, and asks if Weaver made the surgical tenure announcements. Dubenko says it happened first thing this morning. Susan wonders when she'll finish the ER announcements. Dubenko says that surgery only got one tenure slot. He's not helping.
Sam walks up and asks Susan to order a Social Services consult on Megan. Susan points out that Megan's Luka's patient. Sam refuses to meet Susan's eyes, and says that they just disagree on how to handle it. Susan immediately realizes that Sam and Luka are fighting, and asks if it's "lack of money, sex, communication?" Sam admits that it's the last one. Susan calls Luka over and pulls Sam and Luka aside. Susan reports that Sam thinks Megan needs a Social Services consult. Luka asks Sam if she went over his head, and Sam says that he blew her off. Susan waits for them to talk it out and, when she sees that they're not going to, says that even though they are there twelve hours a day, it's still a workplace, and if they are having troubles, they should see a couples' therapist or work separate shifts. Sam and Luka agree. Susan says that they should just call Social Services, because the parents will get there before the consult anyway. She walks off. Sam and Luka look at each other, and take off in opposite directions.
Neela blames Pratt for Morris's getting Chief Resident, adding that if he had taken the job, they wouldn't be "living this nightmare." Shane walks by and agrees that it's only Morris's first day, and there's already a mutiny. Pratt has no comment. Jerry hands Pratt a stack of pink message slips (why are they always pink?), and advises him to get voicemail. Carter asks what that's about. Pratt says that some of his friends are trying to get him to go out after his twelve-hour shift, and they just don't get it. In the background, Shane is calling someone about Eugene. Morris struts in and announces that they're having a party at Ike's tonight, and he's buying. Everyone just ignores him. Shane says he has other plans. Neela says that The Apprentice is on. ["Oh, har har, and what's on after it? Shut up, show." -- Wing Chun] Pratt is busy. Morris's smile fades a bit, and he asks Carter if he'll come. Before Carter can answer, a group walks in singing "Happy Tenure to You," which isn't even a song! I feel like Elaine Benes. Morris points out that he didn't get a cake. Carter grins, and behind him, we see that Susan is watching and trying to act happy. It appears to be Haleh, Chuny, Sam, and Jerry who were behind the whole cake thing. Everyone applauds as Carter blows out the candles. Some guy ruins the happiness by actually asking to see his injured wife. Uh oh! It's Marilyn's nearly-cuckolded husband!
Carter takes Mr. Marilyn upstairs to Surgery, and explains that she got cyanide poisoning, but responded very well to the antidote. Carter explains that she needed surgery because of the glass shard in her colon, and that it may mean a colostomy, which will, he hopes, be temporary. Mr. Marilyn doesn't understand how this happened. Carter starts to explain about the explosion, but Mr. Marilyn can't figure out why his wife was in some apartment in the city, since they live in the suburbs. Carter says he doesn't know, and tells Mr. Marilyn to sit down. Mr. Marilyn talks about how his wife is alone a lot because of his job, and that they fight about it. Carter tries to dissuade Mr. Marilyn from trying to talk to his wife at the moment, but agrees to relay a message. Mr. Marilyn thinks for a moment and comes up with, "Tell her...that I'm here."
Susan stands in the doorway of Weaver's office, silent. Weaver looks up and asks how long Susan's been standing there. Susan says it hasn't been long, and apologizes for being early. Susan comes in and says, "Guess there's no point in rushing to tell me I didn't get tenure." Weaver doesn't even try to deny it, and says that she's been busy. Susan asks sarcastically if Weaver's even going to tell Susan why she didn't get it. Weaver says there were a number of factors: budget cuts, lack of publishing. That's not really "a number" of factors. Susan angrily says that she's been an Attending for seven years, which is two more than Carter, and been an outstanding doctor, teacher, and chief. Weaver says that no one disputes that. Susan says that if the ER runs smoothly, that's one less thing for Kerry to worry about, and if Susan were tenured, she might work fewer shifts in favor of doing research. All that would mean that Kerry would actually have to set foot in the ER once in a while. Kerry gets angry right back and asks if Susan honestly thought she could wait until her seventh year to start pursuing grants. Susan says quietly that she brought in some money. Kerry says she brought in $75,000, and that, by now she should have at least hit a million. Kerry reminds Susan that the university relies on grants to pay salaries, and that Susan's performance is "embarrassing." Susan gives Kerry a steely look and says, "So forget excellence. Forget performance. Just write a check to build a new wing." Ooh, burn. Kerry says that the hospital has to stay open, and so they make their choices. Susan turns and walks out. On the one hand, I see Susan's point: without good doctors, they might as well just pack it in. On the other hand, it seems kind of weird that Susan acts like she didn't know what was required to get tenure until this year. But issues like this are why I used to love this show -- I remember lots of Ross/Greene arguments where I thought they were both right too.
Shane tries to pass off some patients to Neela so that he can leave and make a gig. Neela ain't having it. Shane points out that he treated ten patients in the last hour, and Neela agrees to help him out as long as he cleans the bathroom this week.
Shane runs outside and tries to grab a taxi, but can't find one. He wanders down the street and spots Eugene standing in front of a store window, watching television. Shane walks over and asks Eugene what he's doing. Eugene doesn't answer. Shane offers him El fare, and then says that his mom will worry. Eugene says that his mom is still at work. Shane tells Eugene to go home now, because they aren't going to admit him or give him more drugs. Eugene says he can't go home. Shane asks why not, and Eugene says his mom's boyfriend will be there. Shane doesn't get it and asks if they don't get along. Eugene says, "He just does stuff." Shane's face changes and he asks, "Stuff like what?" Eugene looks at Shane like, "What do you think, whitey? Nice eyeliner, by the way."
Sam and Luka meet up in the drug room. Sam tries to make conversation, but Luka is his usual monosyllabic self. Sam asks Luka to just say that he's mad. Luka denies that he is. Sam sarcasms, "Right, it didn't bother you one bit that I went over your head." When Luka doesn't respond, Sam points out that this is the same issue they discussed this morning -- that Luka won't tell her how he feels. Luka says it's fine. Sam says it's not, and that if it were, he wouldn't have avoided touching her when she squeezed by him. She accuses him of burying his feelings and pretending he doesn't have them. Luka says he does have feelings, but that he doesn't have to share them all the time, especially at work. Haleh sneaks in and apologizes for interrupting, but that Megan is in pain. Luka orders more morphine. Sam looks at Luka sadly and leaves. I have to say that Sam can be immature, but Luka is being incredibly passive-aggressive lately. If he doesn't want to be in the relationship, that's fine, but he can't just force Sam to be a mind-reader and then get mad at her when she doesn't get it. I think the first lesson of relationships is that you have to say what you want, even when it's difficult, or you can't be mad when you don't get it.
Carter finds Susan getting a snack from the vending machine. She tries to be cheerful and ask how the cake was. Carter says they should have waited and had a cake for both of them. Susan continues to fake cheer, but Carter can tell that something's wrong, so Susan admits that she didn't get tenure. Carter asks who got the other slot, and Susan says there was only one slot, and Carter got it. Carter still can't believe it, and Susan says it was too bad they applied the same year. She's trying to keep from losing it, and walking away from Carter as fast as she can, but he's following. He seems a little offended by her last remark and asks what she means by that, and if she's saying that his funding of the clinic got him tenure. Well, now that you mention it. Susan stammers that he's putting words in her mouth. Carter hitches up his pants and says that he's worked his ass off for eleven years, brought in grants, published, taught, and never asked for this. He brought in grants? And published? When? Susan seizes on his last statement and says that he never wanted tenure. She says emotionally, "This is my home. This is where I started. This is where I want to stay. And I get the feeling that, half the time, you would rather be anywhere but here." Wow. I get the feeling that you could substitute "million-dollar contract" for "tenure" and "network drama" for "County" and that would have been a pretty intense conversation for those two actors in particular.
Pratt finishes closing out his charts and prepares to leave. His basketball buddy from earlier shows up to try one last time to persuade Pratt to attend the party. Does Buddy want to make out with him or something? I can't imagine being that persistent to get a friend to hang out with me. I might try once or twice just to make sure the invitation was taken seriously, but this guy is like a stalker. Pratt agrees to go, and says he'll be ready in a minute.
Shane walks back in with Eugene and asks Jerry what's open. Pratt says they have a free bed, and asks what's going on. Shane says he's admitting Eugene. Pratt asks why. Shane asks Chuny to get Eugene settled in. Once Chuny takes Eugene off, Shane tells Pratt that Eugene was raped.
Sam is still treating Megan. The girl looks at the woman in the bed and says she knows her from the building. Sam says the woman has minor burns, like Megan does. Megan starts talking about the guy who lived door, who was weird and had a lot of stuff stacked up in his apartment. Sam chuckles. Megan starts tearing up and says that her neighbor is probably dead. Sam says she doesn't know. Megan says she called 911, and Sam tells her she's smart. Megan is outright sobbing at this point, and says that she thought 911 would respond more quickly, so she called them before she started the fire, and that she tried to put the fire out, but it got too big. Sam is shocked, but before Megan can reveal more, her mom and stepdad walk in with the baby. Megan's mom hugs her as her stepdad tries to calm the screaming baby. Sam just stands there, shocked and kind of disgusted.
Back at My Big Fat Irish Baptism, some old guy is telling a joke about Irish people and how they like to drink. Abby and Jake are outside, taking a break. Two young boys run outside with a ball. Abby catches it, and one of them says, "Thanks, lady." Jake grabs them both and tells them that her name is Abby, then lets them go. They run off, screaming. Abby comments that they're cute, but loud. Jake says they have to be. Abby asks how she's doing, and Jake says, "With ninety-nine percent of the votes in, it appears that you are a keeper." Abby asks who the holdout is. Jake says it's Aunt Cecelia, and that Abby lost points when she said she wasn't sure if there was a heaven and hell. Who talks religion the first time you meet someone's family? Although I guess it's a baptism, so it might come up. Jake says he doesn't care about Abby's non-beliefs, because he's "a pick-and-choose Catholic" himself. Abby doesn't think it works that way, but Jake says he honors his father and mother and doesn't kill, but that he has premarital sex and uses birth control. Sounds like most of the Catholics I know and love. Some more screaming kids run by, and Jake says that it's pretty overwhelming. Abby says it is, but in a good way, and asks if he'd like to hear something kind of stupid. She hesitates and then says, "I never imagined there were families like this. You're really lucky." Aw. My family's like that. Less Irish, but just as Catholic and just as loud. Just add some Yankee paraphernalia and some Genny Light and probably some belching and you've got us. I am lucky. Abby says, "Having said that, I'm really, really ready to go home." Jake laughs and agrees.
Pratt walks into the party, and all the women greet him with hugs and ask where he's been. His buddy urges Pratt to keep moving, and they come into a room where a bunch of their guy friends are hanging out. Everyone is psyched to see Pratt, and there's lots of yelling and hugging and teasing.
Susan spots Eugene in a bed and asks why he's still there. Haleh says that Shane admitted him. At the desk, Jerry tells Shane that his band is on the phone and Shane is late. The whole band is on the phone? At once? Susan finds Shane and tells him, "You dispo patients faster than a speeding bullet, and not in a good way. And now that we're slammed, you dump a known drug-seeker on the shift so you can get to your gig on time?" Morris pipes up that he tried to warn Shane. Shane says smirkily that it's more complicated than that. Oh, don't fuck with Susan today of all days. Susan tells Shane that he can be a rock star if he wants, but that "medicine is not a hobby or another way to pay the bills or Plan B in case you don't sell a million records. It's what you want to do or not." Shane blinks a few times and looks like he might throw up.
Sam and Luka drive home together. Sam is talking about how Megan just wanted the firemen to come. Luka says she was desperate for her parents' attention. Yeah, like Alex. Who's staying with him, anyway? They continue to have a perfectly normal conversation about Megan's problems and how sad they are. Sam looks at Luka for a while and asks, "Why is it that we can talk about anything other than us?" Luka says he doesn't know, and takes Sam's hand. Sam says that Susan is right, and that they need help. Luka is, as usual, silent.
Pratt and his friends sit on some bleachers, drinking from bottles in paper bags and making fun of each other. Pratt wants to leave, because he has to get up in the morning. One of the friends pulls a gun from his waistband, and everyone tells him to put it away. Pratt, in particular, is looking around, worried that a cop or someone might see them. The idiot friend tries to shoot out a streetlight, and everyone yells at him. He keeps shooting, and finally succeeds. A police siren goes off, and the guys take off running through the field. I guess the point of that was to show how far Pratt has come, but don't we already know that?
Shane West stands outside Eugene's room and watches him through the door, and then takes a deep breath and walks inside. He asks Eugene how he's doing, and Eugene doesn't answer. Shane says that he really wishes Eugene had told him what happened, pauses for a moment, and then adds that he wishes he'd asked. Eugene doesn't say anything. Shane asks if Eugene is tired, and Eugene says no. Shane sits down and says that he'll stick around until Eugene's mother gets there. Eugene notices Shane's guitar and asks, "You a musician?" Shane sighs and says, "Not tonight, man." I hope the writers make Shane West into less of a prick. I might even start calling him "Ray" if they do.
Susan sits on her couch at home, an empty glass of wine in front of her, and stares into space, looking incredibly sad. Chuck enters the room with a fresh bottle of wine, and uncorks it, pouring them each a glass. He tells her that "Weaver and that tenure board can kiss [his] big, white, semi-hairy ass." Susan cracks up and says she shouldn't have gotten their hopes up. Chuck promises that they'll be fine. Susan says she had the money spent on a house, a college fund, and a vacation. Chuck promises that they'll figure it out. Susan says that she really wanted this. Chuck says that he knows she did, and hugs her. Aw.
Carter sits outside the hospital and calls Kem on his cell phone. He tells her that he got awarded tenure today. He doesn't sound very psyched about it, and has to tell her that it's very nice. He continues to talk to her, laughing, and tells her that he misses her.