Props to Niki for being the sweetest, cutest, most resilient employee a girl could ever hope for, and to Sars and Glark for helping to keep me sane. Is it just me, or has 2001 really sucked the bag so far? I need a vacation.
Speaking of things that suck the bag, previously on ER: Chen had a baby and gave him up for adoption; Weaver arranged a hearing to test Mark's competency; Rena told Abby she hoped it was okay with Abby that Rena and Carter were dating, since Carter told Rena about his and Abby's fictional dating history; Weaver told Mitchell that she wasn't "interested in adopting a lifestyle," and Mitchell didn't drop her to the sidewalk like two tons of bricks; Mark proposed marriage to Elizabeth, and she accepted.
Fade up on Valium Villa. A kettle is whistling as Elizabeth "Mrs. Winterbore" Corday stomps into the kitchen spitting, "Dammit!" Her mother, Dr. Isabel "Mama" Corday, admonishes her, but Elizabeth drones on, "Six months ago, this wedding seemed like a good idea. [indicates frankly huge belly] Look at me! What the hell was I thinking?!" Mama Corday, making tea, calmly lies that she looks beautiful -- and by that I don't mean that Alex Kingston isn't beautiful, which she is, or that pregnant women aren't beautiful, which they are, but just that she's not really at her best in this scene; her hair is all plastered to her head with those bendy plastic curlers, and she's wearing this schlumpy robe over a scrub shirt and unmatching pyjama pants. Plus, she's in an ugly mood; you do the math. Elizabeth makes a brief bitchy response and Mama Corday continues, undeterred, "What could be more perfect than marrying the man that you love while carrying his child?" Thirteen-year-olds across the state of Kentucky toast their assent with Skoal cans full of moonshine. Elizabeth snaps, "Yes, well, this love child also comes with an extra forty pounds and hemorrhoids." "There are some things I don't need to know," Mama Corday replies dryly. Elizabeth, exasperated, asks where Mark is. Mama Corday steers her toward a stool, suggesting that she sit down and have some tea. Elizabeth bitterly whines, "What, so that I can pee every two minutes instead of every ten?" Okay, what did your mother just tell you about the TMI? Save something for pillow talk on your honeymoon. Mama Corday finally yells at Elizabeth to stow it, only she frames it as an order for Elizabeth to "take a moment" and "relax." Elizabeth angrily squeezes her eyes closed and, after chilling for a few moments, murmurs, "You're being awfully nice to me. It only makes me more nervous." The phone rings, and Mama Corday goes to the room get it.
Mark "Doom and Groom" Greene enters at this moment, shaking his wet coat. Elizabeth, horrified, screeches, "It is not raining!" Mark, catching himself (and realizing that he's just ambled into the belly of the beast), lies that it's "a little mist," and that he's sure it'll blow over. The colour drains (some more) from Elizabeth's face. He asks her whether she's seen his wallet; she hasn't, so he surmises that he must have left it in his locker at work. Before Elizabeth can react to this news, Mama Corday walks into the kitchen with the cordless phone, assuring the caller that everything will be fine. She hands the phone to Mark, since it's Rachel calling. Elizabeth's face falls even further. As soon as Mark takes the phone, it's clear from his side of the conversation that Rachel is agitated and is talking really fast. Mark takes the phone into the room. Elizabeth asks Mama Corday what happened; Mama Corday calmly smiles that Rachel missed her flight. Elizabeth exhales, "No." Mama Corday says she's sure Rachel can get another flight, but can't resist getting in a little dig, in the same sunny tone of voice: "But perhaps she shouldn't have left it until today!" Only mothers know how to talk like that. Elizabeth swallows hard, and explains that Rachel was starring in her school play last night. Mama Corday, even more sunnily: "Well, that's why they invented understudies!" Elizabeth closes her eyes and warningly says, "Mother." Mama Corday tries to backpedal, but Elizabeth tersely says, "Don't!" Mark comes in to defuse the situation, saying that Rachel's switching airlines and is getting on another flight that will get her to Chicago in time for the wedding; also, it will allow Mark to go to the hospital and pick up his wallet before heading to the airport to pick her up. Now, here's what I don't get -- she just booked a new ticket, on a new airline, in the space of a two-minute phone call? She has a credit card? She got from the Departures level to the ticketing counter as she was talking to Mark? I guess it's possible that Jen dropped her off and is buying the new ticket. Anyway. Elizabeth takes a deep breath and looks like she's trying not to vomit. Mark assures Elizabeth that it's no big deal. Elizabeth, starting to cry, wonders why everything always gets so complicated just at the last minute. Well, the last ten percent of any project always takes the longest; it's a fact. Mark sits down to her and tells her everything will be fine: "In a few hours, we're going to be surrounded by friends, and people we love...and your mother." Oh, all right -- heh. Elizabeth reluctantly cracks a sickly smile. Indicating the fetus, he tells her, "The three of us are going to be married." She plants the driest, most chaste, fakest stage kiss on him and sort of drapes herself over his shoulder.
At County, Peter "Whip-Dumb" Benton is harassing Cleo "Ctrl Freak" Finch, saying he thought she told him she was covered. She says Malucci might cover her last few hours. Benton presses, "Well, is he or isn't he?" Finch doesn't know. When will she find out? When Malucci gets here. Benton whines that Malucci is unreliable, and Finch wearily tells Benton that she has her dress in her locker, and that if she's ready when it's time to go, she'll go; otherwise, Benton can go alone. They've arrived at the desk, where Finch drops off some charts. As they walk through and out of the desk area, Benton starts bugging her about whether Malucci has a cell phone. Why, because you want to take the cell phone to the wedding as a substitute for Finch if she can't go? At least a cell phone fits in your pocket, and you can make it vibrate on command. Finchbot can't really compete, if you ask me.
At the desk, Kerry "Chicago Snub" Weaver gives what appear to be final instructions to "Baba" Luka Kovac about a bunch of patients we won't see. She tells him that if he needs to reach her, she'll be at her hotel. The Luxor? Please say the Luxor. Come on, it's been a whole season. Hook a sister up with a shout-out, already! Behind them, Amira holds the phone out to Weaver and tells her it's Conni. Weaver tells Amira to let Conni know she may speak with Luka when she comes in. Amira says that Conni has a fever; Weaver barks, "Too late! Her co-conspirators have used the last of the backup registries." "'Co-conspirators'?" Luka asks. Weaver exposits that the nurses are calling in sick to go to the wedding. Amira tells Weaver that Conni says she has a fever of 102°. Weaver crankily crutches over to the phone and starts giving Conni what-for just as Abby "Lisa" Lockhart, coughing and looking like hell, rolls up to the desk and tells Luka about a patient who accidentally used Ben-Gay instead of Preparation H. Um. Ow. Leaning down, he asks how she's feeling; blowing her nose, she replies, "Like a Snuffleupagus on Benadryl." I don't think that's a pop-cultural reference he'll get, but whatever. He tells her to go home and take a nap before the wedding, but she martyrs that they're already down a few nurses. Luka says they're slow, and they can float someone. Behind them, Weaver screeches into the phone, "Come on! I saw you yesterday trying to change your shift!" Lisa rolls her eyes and says she'll stay until Weaver leaves. Luka quietly tells Lisa that Weaver won't see Lisa at the wedding, since Weaver "has to miss the wedding for a billing conference." Lisa glances back at Weaver and then informs Luka, "She wasn't invited." Burn! Although, not that Mark and Elizabeth are my favourite characters on the show right now, I don't really blame them for dissing Weaver, under the circumstances. If one of my colleagues had almost destroyed my professional reputation and my very career -- no matter her motives -- I don't think I'd waste a plate on her at the reception. Weaver winds it up: "Okay, fine! Fine. Go ahead. But I want a note from a doctor, and if you show up in any of the wedding pictures, you're fired." She slams the phone down. Luka looks back at Lisa and deadpans, "Oh." It would have been funnier if he'd said, "D'oh."
Post-credits, Mark pulls up at County in the Milquetoastmobile. It's raining fairly hard as he dashes from the car to the ambulance-bay doors. Why? It's not like he needs to worry about getting his hair wet. Weaver is already standing there with a suitcase -- waiting for a cab, I think it's safe to assume -- and she asks him in a friendly enough tone what he's doing at the hospital. He tells her about his wallet and, indicating her bag, asks rather lamely whether she's going somewhere. She tells him she's on her way to a conference in Las Vegas, adding that she missed it last year and thought her attending would be the best way to put a dent in their deficit; she totally fails to add, "And to save face and have a good cover story for why I wasn't at your wedding, although now that the nurses know the real reason I hardly need bother." Mark awkwardly tells her to play a hand of blackjack for him, and she says she will. He starts to walk off, but she calls after him and says, pretty sincerely, "I want you to know how happy I am for you and Elizabeth." Mark nods perfunctorily, smiles tightly, and mutters, "Thanks." He takes off. Weaver looks at her shoes.
Inside, Mark runs into Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen, who also marvels that he's at the hospital. ["I marvel that she's at the hospital. How many weeks has it been since we've even seen her?" -- Sars] Mark, mock-warningly, tells her she never saw him. She whatevers and makes for the desk. Okay, Ming-Na? Looks great. She's back to her pre-pregnancy figure and her hair is up in this adorably jaunty ponytail on top of her head. In her cute fuchsia top she looks like she could walk right out of the hospital and onto the set of Sailor Moon. And she should. Lisa hands her a chart and tells her something about another patient we'll never see. Lisa moves on, running into John "Snitty Snitty Bang Bang" Carter, who has his arm around an indigent, bearded gentleman in sunglasses. Carter asks Lisa to give the patient, Mr. Tuttle, a sandwich: "The unborn twin inside of his stomach is hungry." Lisa agrees, chuckling, and sends Mr. Tuttle to chairs. A call comes through on the radio, and Lisa goes over to take it: it seems that there's a multi-vehicle trauma resulting from a prison van that went over a highway embankment. Multi. Trauma. Prison. Phew -- for a second, I thought that maybe, in light of the wedding plot line, the writers might not find a way to wedge a whole posse of patients into the ER all at once. But then, this isn't Gideon's Crossing, and I should have known better.
As Lisa womans the radio, Chen asks Carter, "So, are you taking the cheerleader?" Pfft. Rena wishes she were a cheerleader. In reality, she's gonna pump my gas someday. Carter doesn't know what Chen's getting at, so she clarifies, "To the wedding. Or are they carding?" "Et tu, Deb?" Carter whines. Chen cracks that Rena gives new meaning to the word "girlfriend." Carter, trying to deflect, asks who Chen's taking, but she says she's not going, since "someone has to hold down the fort" at the hospital. "Not invited?" Carter snips. Chen rolls her eyes. Lisa calls behind her and asks Amira to find Luka immediately. Carter sticks his nose in, asking why. Lisa tells him about the multi-victim trauma and explains that the dispatcher wants to know how many County can take. "Three major, ten minor," Carter answers immediately. Lisa's like, thanks, Armchair Attending, but I think I'll just sit tight and wait for someone with a little authority to make that call. (She conveys all of that by blinking once; I've come to know her moods.) Lisa doesn't move, and Carter's like, "Tell them." Lisa blandly says, "I should ask Luka." Carter tosses the chart he's been holding and strides over to the radio, where he all but shoves Lisa aside and manfully orders the dispatcher, "Three major, ten minor." Lisa has a bad feeling about this.
Ambulance bay. The Milquetoastmobile is getting towed. Mark manages to snatch his tuxedo from the jaws of certain inconvenience as the tow truck rolls off. Carter watches the whole transaction; he offers Mark the use of his car just as a rig pulls up. Carter helps Pam to unload the patient, who's suffered blunt chest trauma. Mark, uselessly standing by, gets a page: it's Rachel, and she's stuck in St. Louis because of the rain. I start to get the picture that the rain is the cheap-ass catch-all excuse for why we won't be seeing Rachel, Doug, Carol, Susan, Morgenstern, and many, many others at the ceremony. But dude, I'd think they could at least afford to pay Yvonne Freakin' Zima. Pay her scale! Actually, don't. Anyway, Mark scurries inside to phone Rachel back, and Carter attends to the patient.
Master bedroom at Valium Villa; Elizabeth's just finished getting dressed. And, see, now she looks beautiful. Her dress is stunning: it's a simple, Empire-waist sleeveless shift of a satiny (though not too shiny) brownish-greenish-grey, with a long, sheer, lacy, somewhat sparkly embroidered jacket over it. Her makeup is very understated and her hair is loosely curled and casually coiffed. She really looks fantastic. Mama Corday rolls up and stops dead in the doorway. "Well?" Elizabeth prompts her. "You're getting married," breathes Mama Corday, with a smile. Aw. Elizabeth clasps her hands over her belly for a moment, ruefully remarking that it's not exactly as she imagined it would be. She carefully takes a seat at the vanity as Mama Corday comes to her side, passing a sketch of a nude male hanging on the wall beside the door. Okay, that had better not be a sketch of Mark. Gross. Anyway, Mama Corday talks about Elizabeth's pretending to be a bride, as a kid, with her ballet tutu on her head as a makeshift veil. She adds, "Weren't you going to marry that little freckle-faced boy who lived down the street?" Elizabeth recalls that his name was Tommy Bradshaw, and says that he was indicted for insurance fraud. Mama Corday laughs that things have already turned out better than Elizabeth had expected. Then, because the pleasant moment has gone on just about long enough, she needles Elizabeth that it's too bad her father won't be there. Elizabeth curtly agrees, and supposes that he couldn't get another flight. Mama Corday says she's sure he has some excuse: "He always does." Elizabeth, miffed, looks down. Mama Corday won't let it go, marveling that he couldn't even be bothered to make an effort. Elizabeth's whole face puckers as she starts to cry, and Mama Corday gently chides her not to ruin her makeup. I could go into what great writing this actually is -- for once -- and how mothers do have that sixth sense of how to push their children just far enough to piss them off and then scold them for being pissed off, but we all have mothers, so I'll just assume you know what I'm talking about. Except, not my mom. She never does that stuff. I just mean I've read about things like this happening. In books. Mama Corday starts in with the compliments about Elizabeth's appearance, and Elizabeth regains her composure. Mama Corday particularly admires the colour of the dress, and Elizabeth mutters, "Well, I didn't have much choice, did I? Had I worn white, I would've looked like I could sink the Titanic." Mama Corday laughs, and says there's only one thing missing. Elizabeth asks what; Mama Corday hands her a small jewellery box and explains, "They belonged to your grandmother. She wore them for her wedding, as did I. Now, I know you're not much for tradition, but if you were thinking of something old, something new, something borrowed --" "They're beautiful," Elizabeth interrupts, holding one earring up to her ear. Okay, I am married, but we basically eloped and got married in the County Recorder's Office in Norwalk, California, before one witness; we would have done it in front of none, if we could have, because the whole thing was so strange and embarrassing. But even so, I wore something old (my watch), something new (the dress -- a blue polyester polka-dotted number I'd bought on sale at the Gap a couple of days before the ceremony), something borrowed (Glark's hair gel), and something blue (the polish on my fingernails and toenails). Before you judge, give me a break: I'd been a student until literally three weeks before my wedding day, and, at the tender age of twenty-two, I was a child bride, besides. So I couldn't afford a Vera Wang. Big deal. Why bother dressing up for a JP?
The desk at County. Mark is trying to calm down an obviously hysterical Rachel by assuring her that the ceremony will be videotaped. Behind him, paramedics wheel in another victim; this one complains of neck and chest pain. Chen asks whether she's short of breath, and the patient says that it hurts when she inhales. She then screams in pain, and Chen asks what's wrong. The patient says it's her arm.
Same patient (Neck, Chest, and Arm), now in a trauma room. Chen orders a bunch of tests and, checking the back of the NC&A's head (I think; the camera's down by the patient's feet as Chen examines her) and asking whether it hurts. NC&A says it does, a lot. Chen tells her they're going to keep the collar on her neck until they clear her x-ray. NC&A asks what's wrong with her wrist. Chen asks which wrist, and NC&A says it's her left. Chen reaches over and sees that NC&A is handcuffed to the bed; Chen asks a guard, standing by, whether they may remove the cuffs, and the guard snorts, "Not a chance." Haleh comes in looking for blood, wearily telling Lily, "My guy's in arrest." Chen tells the guard that NC&A may have a wrist injury, but the guard is unmoved: "She probably did that herself." Chen argues, but we don't get to see the outcome because we follow Haleh...
...into the trauma room. She holds up the blood and says she could only get two units. Carter, who appears to be in charge, calls out a bunch of orders; he and Lisa get ready to use the paddles on him, but before Carter does, Lisa notices that there's something weird on the patient's chest (again, we can't see what -- and this time, I'm all right with that). Carter suggests that the steering column struck him in the crash. Carter shocks him. Lisa points out, "He's got blunt chest trauma -- no vitals." Carter doesn't want to let it go, presumably because this guy is a guard and not one of those common hussy prisoners. Another guard standing at the end of the bed asks what to tell the patient's family. Carter gets a rhythm, but no pulse. Yada, Lisa doesn't think they should continue, but Carter insists on flogging him some more.
Valium Villa. Elizabeth is carefully descending the stairs (and now I can see that the skirt of her dress is embroidered with monochromatic thread a few shades darker than the dress itself -- very elegant). Mama Corday is on the phone, apparently receiving bad news; once she's put on hold, she tells Elizabeth that the limousine company doesn't have her booking. Elizabeth freaks out (obviously) and demands the phone. Mama Corday tries to dissuade her on the grounds that she need not upset herself, but Elizabeth wrestles the phone away and, when the hapless operator comes back on the line, she screeches, "I don't care if it's raining fire and brimstone, you are going to get me to that church if I have to ride on your back like a bloody donkey!" She hangs up decisively. Mama Corday hesitantly suggests that Elizabeth eat something. Elizabeth, clearly reaching the end of her tether: "I do not need to eat, nor do I need a spot of tea or a moment's quiet reflection on this, my special day. This is America, and sometimes in this country you have to kick some ass!" Mama Corday -- now standing outside in the driveway, having been blown clear out the door by the force of Elizabeth's bridal fury ("Coming soon to theatres: Raging Bride!") -- says that they can take Elizabeth's car. Cue bickering over who should drive. Wah. The phone rings, and Elizabeth answers it, "Now, listen here, you ignorant bastard --" "What's wrong?" asks Mark. Wah squared. She apologizes and tells him it's nothing. He tells her he's at the hospital and tells her about Rachel, adding that both airports are closed. She says how sorry she is. He's all, "What can you do?" Elizabeth gazes out at the pelting rain and asks, "Do you want to postpone?" "No!" Mark immediately replies, and then asks, "Do you?" She says she doesn't, but points out that if all the airports are closed, all their out-of-town guests won't be able to make it. (See above.) They convince each other that they don't want to wait. They love each other. Boy, I sure hope these two crazy kids can make it work.
Mark hangs up, and Amira chirps, "Smart move!" Mark asks what she means, and she replies, "Not telling her about the tow truck. Don't need to stress out brides any more than you have to!" "Especially pregnant ones," Mark agrees. She offers an umbrella. He accepts.
Ambulance bay. Luka runs out, scolding guards for transporting crash victims in a van, without backboards. A guard claims that medics cleared the necks on-site. Luka asks whether they were transporting prisoners for a work detail, but the guard replies that it was a busy court day. A woman climbs out and flirtatiously tells Luka, "I'll work for you, honey!" There is much tittering among the fallen women as another one hits on Luka, and still another -- her vision (and judgment), perhaps, clouded by the rain -- hits on Yosh. The walking wounded head inside, and Luka jogs over to an ambulance, containing a nineteen-year-old named Tammy, complaining of belly pain and a scalp laceration. As paramedics pull her out of the rig, Tammy squeals, "I need to call Joe!"
Luka heads inside just as Mark walks out, carrying Amira's polka-dotted umbrella. He makes for the El, but it's closed because a tree fell on the tracks and shorted out the red line. He heads for a bus instead, but the bus is full. He sweet-talks his way on by telling his fellow passengers that he's on his way to his wedding.
Carter's still flogging the guard. Luka comes to the trauma-room doors with Tammy and tries to hurry Carter along: he asks whether the guard ever had a rhythm, and Carter says he did, for five minutes. Luka asks how long the guard's been down, and before Carter can think of a way to spin it, Lisa pipes up, "Thirty minutes. No response to defibrillation times five." Luka tells Carter to call the time of death and take Tammy. Carter clenches his jaw, looking from Luka to the fellow guards watching through the window. Carter ignores Luka and charges the paddles again. Luka yells at him to knock it off. Carter whispers, "He's a cop!" "He's brain-dead!" Luka yells back. Carter pissily calls the time of death. Luka gives some last-minute orders about Tammy. Carter shoots Lisa a reproachful look and huffs on out of there. Shut up, Carter.
Weaver is drinking a glass of wine in an airport bar when a dude -- let's just call him Red Herring -- sidles up beside her, orders a beer from the bartender, reads her crossword puzzle over her shoulder, and points out, "'Shady.'" She's all, "Huh?" He elaborates, "Five down." Weaver spots it, fills it in, and thanks him. Red asks whether she's there on a layover (in a tone that suggests he'd like to get her on a layover, if you know what I'm saying), and she tells him her flight's delayed. "You mean 'cancelled,'" Red corrects her. She glances at the monitors on the wall and tells him her flight's still delayed, and not cancelled. Red calls her an optimist, and asks where she's going. She tells him she's bound for Las Vegas. He jokes that she's not an optimist, then -- "it's a compulsion" -- and asks what she plays. She tells him she's going on business. The bartender sets Red's beer before him, and he orders another of "whatever the lady's drinking." She demurs, but he points out that they may be at the airport a while. She's all, no, really, it's fine, and Red tells her that either the bartender's getting a very big tip, or she's getting a free drink. He raises his glass to her as he moves away, and Weaver shrugs good-naturedly. But, but -- she has a girlfriend! But not really. Who can keep track, anymore? Who cares to?
County. Carter examines Tammy, who's still squealing about Joe. Lisa asks who Joe is, and Tammy says he's her fiancé. The guard standing by the bed translates, for Lisa's benefit, "Meth-dealing low-life; she got nailed for holding his drugs." Tammy yelps, "He was set up!" Carter appreciates some tenderness in her abdomen and orders a bunch of tests. Haleh comes to the door and tells Carter he has a patient with a dislocated shoulder waiting, and that she's in a lot of pain. Carter curtly tells Haleh that he's off, and that Haleh should get Chen to see Dislocated Shoulder. Haleh drawls that Luka specifically asked Carter to treat DS before he left. Lisa keeps her head down. Carter huffs, says some final goodbyes to Tammy, and books. Tammy yells after him to call Joe; Lisa says she will.
Carter pedals down the hall on his Huffy bike. Lisa hurries after him, asking a question, in the middle of which she sneezes. Carter chuckles mirthlessly and says he thought she was going home. Lisa martyrs that there are still a few nurses missing, and that the storm isn't helping. Carter needles, "Your boyfriend didn't give you permission?" Lisa, attempting to rise above the fight Carter's trying to pick, says she hasn't asked him. Carter declares, "Well, you should -- you're looking worse." They've arrived at the door behind which DS waits, and Carter haughtily asks Lisa to "excuse [him] while he does [his] penance." Lisa, blowing her nose, defends Luka by saying that's not what Luka's doing, but before they can start debating the point, the elevator opens and discharges Rena "Young Miss" Trujillo, looking quite fetching in a tight, strapless, dark red cocktail dress, with a darker red knit shrug over her shoulders. Carter steps forward, beaming that she looks great. Rena thanks him, a little guardedly. Lisa, blowing her nose some more, agrees that Rena looks great; Rena thanks her, too, and asks whether Lisa's sick. Lisa juggles the facial tissues in her hands and pockets and says it's just a cold. There's an awkward pause, and Rena asks, "You're not going to the wedding?" Lisa says she doesn't think she's going to be able to go, and asks Rena and Carter to pass along her regrets and congratulations to Mark and Elizabeth. Carter assents, and Lisa takes off. Carter watches her go just a little too long. Rena asks him whether he's ready to go, which snaps Carter out of it enough that he actually turns toward her and makes eye contact before saying he's almost ready, and asking her to give him a hand for a minute.
Carter and Rena enter DS's curtain area. Carter greets DS as "Veronica," and introduces himself and Rena, adding that she's helping out in the ER today. Veronica, though she is wincing in pain, finds the strength to comment that Rena is an awfully "well-dressed candy striper." Carter examines Veronica's shoulder. She winces some more. He asks whether she's been given any pain medication yet. Veronica says that the nurse told her Carter could use a local. Carter claims that local anaesthesia is not very effective with this type of injury. Veronica explains that she's been clean for a year: "Heroin." Carter offers Valium, and Veronica declines, saying that "the taste will bring [her] back," and that she can't be using in prison. Carter knits his brow in a Dawsonian display of Hard Thinking.
Church parking lot. Mama Corday helps Elizabeth out of the car, sunnily remarking, "Well, that was almost fun!" Elizabeth grouses that she thought she was past morning sickness. Mama Corday reminds her that she offered to call a cab. Elizabeth says she's never seen it rain so hard, and Mama Corday gets in another dig: "Why brides get married in June." Elizabeth snaps that she'll be breastfeeding a four-week-old in June. They climb the church steps and are unable to open the door. Elizabeth starts freaking out. Mama Corday wonders whether they should have called ahead. Elizabeth snits that it's "not a restaurant." After a moment, the door opens, and Elizabeth's father, Dr. Charles Corday (hereafter Papa Corday) opens the door, cracking, "I'd recognize that bickering anywhere!" "Daddy!" Elizabeth squeals, barreling inside. Once they're safely inside, Elizabeth and Papa Corday embrace. She says she didn't think he'd be there, and he tells her he wouldn't miss it for anything, adding that she looks radiant. Elizabeth laps it up. Papa Corday glances at Mama Corday and curtly greets her, "Belle. It's been a while." She nods coldly and replies, "Yes. Ten years, I believe. You popped by for Elizabeth's med-school graduation." Before the snappishness escalates, Elizabeth tells them she's happy they're both there, and that she'd prefer it if she didn't have to separate them, so they should attempt to be civil until the reception. "Hopefully I'll be drunk by then," Mama Corday replies tartly. "No doubt," mutters Papa Corday. Mama Corday barks, "Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don't worry about me." Papa snaps, "In my mind you're buried in cement right up to the neck. No, up to the nose, it's much quieter." Elizabeth tells them both, again, to be on their best behaviour. They snap out of it and Papa asks whether he'll be able to meet the groom before he hands Elizabeth over. Elizabeth squeaks, "Mark's not here?"
Mark's on a bus, placing a call on his cell phone. The bus is crowded. He drops his cell phone. The bus isn't moving. Mark makes his way to the front. The driver tells him the engine's seized, and that there's another bus on its way. Mark asks when, and is told, "When it gets here." Mark gets off the bus. His umbrella gets stuck in the bus doors as they close on him, and the umbrella breaks. He is just a modern-day Sisyphus, eh what? Sigh.
County. Chen inspects an x-ray, and announces that the lungs are fine, the neck is clear, and that NC&A doesn't have to wear the collar any longer. NC&A says she thinks she broke something "in here" (though we can't see what body part she's indicating), since she couldn't walk at all. Chen asks whether she has a pain in her abdomen, and NC&A says she does. The guard sarcastically observes, "Yeah, she hurts everywhere." Chen examines her belly and, based on NC&A's response, orders another test. She calls NC&A "Sara" (shout-out?) and tells her they're going to get an x-ray. The guard, still not buying it, tells Chen, "She's playing you, Doc." Chen unbuttons Sara's pants and, spotting the scar, asks, "You've had a C-section?" "Yeah, so?" Sara mumbles. Chen asks whether there's any chance that Sara could be pregnant now, and she says there isn't: "I got fixed after Diana. I got pictures. These cuffs!" The guard brusquely tells her to save it. Sara mewls that she's missing her visit with Diana now, and that she doesn't know when she'll see her . Chen's heart grows three sizes and she asks, "Why?" Sara says that her sister's moving to Los Angeles, and that there's no one else to take care of Diana, who's seven. Sara says she has "four years mandatory" before she'll see her again. The guard pipes up that Sara should have thought of that before she broke parole. Sara ignores the guard and tells Chen she just wanted to see Diana today. "She's probably better off," opines the guard. Sara screams at him to shut up, contorting her body into ever more (apparently) painful positions. Sara starts crying. Chen says she'll come back after the x-ray. The mean guard twirls his moustache and then goes off to tie another prisoner to the El tracks.
Veronica's curtain area. They've wrapped a sheet around her torso, and Carter tells Rena to "keep giving resistance to the pressure I apply." Rena nods apprehensively. Carter asks Veronica whether she's ready, and Veronica, sobbing with pain, squeaks, "Do it!" Carter pulls on Veronica's right arm, while Rena pulls the sheet, which is looped around under Veronica's arms, in the opposite direction. After a moment, Rena falters, letting go and causing Carter to lurch off-balance, yanking Veronica's arm along with him. Carter repeats, "You've got to keep pulling." Rena apologizes. They resume their positions just as Luka strolls along the hall, stopping in the doorway to watch what appears to be a torture scene -- Carter and Rena pulling as if in a tug-of-war, and Veronica in the middle, screaming. Carter encouragingly tells Rena, "That's it -- just hold it right there, Rena." Luka walks in, hands on his hips, and tells Carter that Veronica needs more sedation. Carter tersely tells Luka, "She's a former addict, doesn't want any narcotics. I gave her a local." Luka, speaking loudly so that he can be heard over Veronica's crying, says, "She needs more than that." Without changing his position, Carter tells Luka that Veronica didn't want it. Veronica cries some more. Luka commands, "Stop." "Almost got it!" Carter says, not stopping. "Stop!" Luka repeats. Carter releases Veronica's arm. Lisa walks by and Luka calls her in. Carter tells Luka, "She specifically asked me not to administer narcotics." Luka tells Lisa to give Veronica ten of morphine. Veronica begs him not to, and asks Carter to "keep going." Luka declares, "We need to relax you to pop your shoulder back into place." Carter interrupts to say, "She's my patient; I'm just trying to respect her wishes." Luka, ignoring Carter, tells Veronica, "If we don't, you could end up with permanent nerve damage." Tension crackles in the air. Veronica finally relents. Luka tells Lisa, again, to "push the morphine." Carter bitterly signs off on the chart; he beckons Rena with his head and stomps to the door, where he stops and fixes Lisa with another reproachful look. Okay, Arianna Huffington, we get it. Don't you have somewhere to go? Actually, I think that Carter was right in this case, but he undermined himself by getting into a pissing contest with Luka (again). What he should have done when Luka came in was stop, speak with Luka away from the patient to explain the situation, and then continue treating Veronica as he had been. Instead, by ignoring the instructions of his supervisor, he came off as a whiny bitch, which is why Luka finally had to override him completely; Carter didn't give a clear enough accounting of the reasons behind his medical decisions, and thus didn't really leave Luka with any other choice. Basically, it just goes to show that you can't almost spell "insubordinate" without "C-A-R-T-E-R."
In the hall, Finch treats the injured foot of an older prisoner. Injured Foot tells Finch that she had a dream last night that she'd be in a car wreck, but that she'd survive. Finch warmly says, "My grandmother was like that. She could predict when her cat would get sick." IF adds, "In the dream, I strangled a female doctor with my bare hands." Finch tries to make her face fall but some of the switches around her mouth don't respond. Benton rolls up and asks whether Dr. Dave's arrived yet. Finch tells Benton he hasn't, and tells IF that they're done. Benton steers Finch away from IF and tells her she should get dressed now, so that they can leave as soon as Dr. Dave arrives. Okay, long story short, Finch reveals that Dr. Dave only said he'd try to cover for her, not that he definitely would; Benton had RSVPed without asking Finch whether she wanted to go; Benton tells Finch to be honest about whether she wants to go at all, and she confesses that she doesn't have a burning need to attend Benton's ex-girlfriend's wedding. Which, I think, is fair enough, but she could have told him so at some time other than the day of the event; passive-aggressive, much?
Mark bursts back in to the hospital and says he needs someone's car. Benton, all be-suited, says he's just about to leave and that he'll give Mark a ride to the church.
Church. Elizabeth waits in an incredibly posh waiting room. Seriously, it's all paneled with this lovely, plush furniture. It's like a gigantic changing room at the world's fanciest lingerie store. Papa Corday comes in. Elizabeth asks whether people are arriving, and Papa Corday replies, "A few." In this light, her dress looks more blue-grey than brown or green. She asks whether there's any sign of Mark, and Papa Corday assures her, "He'll be here." He asks after Mama Corday, and Elizabeth says "she went off looking for someone to complain to about the temperature." Because we all know how balmy the weather is in England. Particularly in April, when it surely never rains at all. Papa Corday chuckles, and then, eyeballing her belly, comments, "So. I'm going to be a grandfather. This won't affect my dating, will it?" Elizabeth guffaws, "One can only hope!" Papa Corday muses, "Maybe I'll be better at it, a generation removed. Parenting." Elizabeth, amused, asks, "Listen, I didn't turn out that badly, did I?" Papa Corday tells her that was luck. She smiles. He asks whether she's going to continue to practice medicine, after the baby's born. "Eventually," she replies. Smirking, he strolls over to where she's sitting. "What?!" she demands. "Nothing!" he claims, adding, "That's good!" He sits down to her, and she says, "I know what you're thinking. For years, I criticized you and Mummy for all the time you spent working, and now I'm about to do the same." Petting her hand, he assures her, "I'm sure you'll strike a better balance." Suspiciously, she accuses, "You don't believe that." "Actually, I do!" he replies. Aw. What a nice dad.
Mark and Benton sit in traffic. Mark drones on about the stresses on Elizabeth: "Between the weather, and her mother, and her father, who I've yet to meet...." Benton's all cool, "He's okay." Mark squeaks, "You know him?" Benton says he met him. Mark covers, "That's right." He quickly changes the subject to the shitty traffic, and then back to Dr. Corday, père. Benton promises that Papa Corday is nice. Mark complains about Mama Corday, and Benton chuckles, agreeing. There's some brief Mars/Venus shit about "women and their mothers," and Mark and Benton both declare that they both got along famously with their own mothers. Mark surmises, "Must be a chick thing." Please, tell us all more of your insights, M. le Divorcé. No? Thought not. Benton seems to grow weary of Mark's brand of small talk (as who would not?), so Mark changes the subject to Finch's mom. That line of inquiry doesn't really go anywhere. Much like the car, which continues to sit in traffic.
County. Chen stitches the lacerated chin of a young woman with tattoos all over her cheek and neck. Tattoo Annie asks whether the stitches will leave a scar, and Chen snorts, "Not that you'd notice." Lily comes down the hall and tells Chen there's a hypothermic ten-year-old coming in. Chen is just starting to give some preparatory instructions when a woman's voice calls out, "Close the exits!" Seconds later, Sara comes tearing around the corner like a bat out of hell, with the mean guard in close pursuit. Medical personnel get out of the way of the chase, and it doesn't take long for them to detain Sara by knocking her onto the floor. Chen asks what happened, and Haleh tells her that Sara jumped off the table in x-ray and took off running. As the struggle continues on the floor, one of the guards complains that Sara bit him. Chen tries to intercede, telling the guards that they're hurting Sara. Eventually, they cuff her hands behind her back, as Sara continues crying for her daughter. Chen frowns.
Airport bar. Weaver has her notebook computer open on the table in front of her, but she's staring into space. Red Herring returns and asks her how the wine was. She says it was nice, and thanks him. He offers to buy her another glass, and she demurs. He insists. She says he's tenacious, and relents, but only if he'll let her buy this round. Red sits down and introduces himself as "Mike"; he indicates her computer and asks her whether she's working on her novel. Okay, their banter is so bland that I'm just going to shorthand it. She's writing a letter. It's a lost art. The last letter he wrote was to Marcia Brady; she never answered it. She's a doctor. "Brains too." Whatever.
Traffic. Mark's phone is dead, possibly because he dropped it. Mark makes a loud grunt of impotent rage, and squeals that he's "missing it." Benton tells him he's not. Mark checks his watch and tells Benton it's "already started." Benton, patiently: "Obviously, it hasn't." Plus, are we really supposed to believe that Benton doesn't have a cell phone? As if. Mark says he's screwed. Benton says she'll wait. Mark gets out of the car -- dressed in his tux, now, mind -- and climbs up on the hood of Benton's car to get a better view. Benton yells at him to get off his car. Mark neither gets down, nor slips, in his new shoes, on the slick, wet surface of the hood, falling to his death and cutting this recap real short, real fast. Damn. Mark thinks he sees what looks like an accident.
Ambulance bay. It's the hypothermic kid. Chen checks his face and marvels, "This is ice!" One of the paramedics tells her that the rain is freezing everything. They wheel inside as the paramedic goes on; a janitor found Iceboy on the soccer field, and guessed that he was to have been in the soccer game that got rained out. Luka asks after his teammates, and Chen adds, "Or his parents." The paramedic has no answer to either question, and gives Iceboy's vitals. Luka calls out some orders. Chen accompanies Iceboy into a trauma room, and Luka says he'll be right there; he continues down the hall to Lisa, who's on the phone, imploring someone, "She just wants to see you! Is that so hard?...Yeah, I know it's been a long time; how many years has she served for you? Hello?!" She hangs up and sniffs, "Jerk." Luka asks who the jerk is, but Lisa whatevers, "Nobody." He asks whether she's feeling any better, and she chuckles, "No!" He tells her to go lie down in the lounge, and says he'll take her home when his shift is over. What woman could refuse an offer like that? Not her, evidently, because she agrees to take a nap as soon as she's finished with the chart she's holding. There's a pause, and then Luka asks, "Are you mad at me?" She looks up, surprised, and says, "Me? No!" She looks back down at her chart and, raising her eyebrows, notes, "You were a little hard on Carter." Luka smirks, and replies, "He wasn't listening to me." Which is true. Lisa says that Carter is a good doctor, and that he's been at County a long time. "And I'm his attending," Luka reminds her. Lisa shrugs, "I know. It's just...he's my friend." "So?" says Luka. Exactly. I mean, I'm all for sticking up for your friends, but whatever's between Luka and Carter really doesn't involve Lisa. I mean, it does actually involve Lisa -- I think we can all see that -- but professionally it's none of her business. And she didn't bring it up, to her credit. So...I don't really know what the point of that scene was.
Except maybe to set up this one: Rena and Carter are outside the church, and Carter is boring her stupid(er): "I don't know. He's a nice enough guy, but he's got to let me do my job." I don't get it; they're evidently outside, but they're taking their coats off. Rena asks, "Well, isn't he your supervisor?" "Technically," Carter allows. Um. No. He is. What do you think -- that because you have seniority at County, he's only "technically" your supervisor? You think he shouldn't boss you because you just don't want him to? Huh? Rena asks, "So, this has nothing to do with him dating your ex-girlfriend?" Carter says, "No. No...actually, Abby and I never really went out." Rena says that he told her they did. Um, duh, he was there; he knows what lies he told. Carter says he made that up. Rena asks why. Carter asks if he can explain that to her later. Rena, suddenly wise beyond her years: "So you'd like to go out with her?" Carter is saved from admitting the truth when they run into "Dr." Dave Malucci, who's holding a large gift. Dr. Dave makes some banal comment about the weather, and Carter introduces Rena and Dr. Dave; they've met. Carter says he didn't think Dr. Dave was coming. Dr. Dave says he called Finch, who told him she didn't need him to cover, and adds, "A couple of girls from Uncle Sal's party like weddings, so --" I assume the "Uncle Sal's party" thing is related to a scene that got cut from the script; either that, or it's a regionalism I'm not familiar with. Is "Uncle Sal's party" a euphemism for the art of prostitution? Carter snottily asks whether Dr. Dave RSVPed for Uncle Sal's party guests, like it's any of Carter's business, and Dr. Dave says he figured that, given the rain, there'd be a few no-shows. Indicating the gift, he asks if Carter knows where he can "dump this." Carter guesses that there'll be a gift table at the reception. Dr. Dave complains, "What, I'm supposed to lug this around 'til then? It's heavy! You didn't buy them a crock pot, did you?" Carter smirks (and so does Rena, like she's so much better schooled in wedding etiquette than Dr. Dave; I guess it's possible that she's been a flower girl more than once) that he got Mark and Elizabeth something from the gift registry. Dr. Dave sniffs, "Yeah, I'm not into that. 'Here's a list of things to buy me.' It's a little dick-y." Hee! God help me, Dr. Dave is really, really growing on me this season. All three glance over as a door opens and Robert "Rocket" Romano enters with a leggy blonde model type. Romano greets the stunned-silent trio, adding, "What? You didn't think I'd be invited?" He asks where the bride is, and Dr. Dave tells him that she's waiting, and that Mark hasn't arrived yet. Romano replies, "Really? Well, if he's smart, he's halfway to Mexico by now." Word. However, we all know that Mark is not smart.
Mark makes his way through the traffic on foot, arriving at the scene of a two-car accident. From the sound of the bickering, it seems a female motorist repeatedly rammed the car of her husband, or ex-husband, or soon-to-be-ex-husband. As Mark joins them, the guy says that she was out of control, and Mrs. Car Crash bitterly asks, "How much control do you have over your zipper, Kevin?" There's a cop standing by, but he looks like he's given up trying to mediate the situation. Mark approaches another cop and asks how long it will be before they clear the street. The cop wearily tells him to step aside. Mark says he's supposed to be getting married; the cop doesn't care. Mark says that he's a doctor at County and asks whether one of the cops could give him a lift. Nice try pulling rank, Mr. Cellophane. The cop, getting into his car, snorts, "You're joking, right?"
County. Chen enters Iceboy's room, saying she heard he was awake. Lily gives her his vitals. Chen introduces herself and tells Iceboy he's in a hospital. She explains, in dumbed-down language, what was wrong with him and what they did to treat him. Finally, she asks his name; it's Brian Cooley. Hee! I'll say he was cool...ey! Wait, that's not supposed to be funny. Never mind. Sorry. Kid almost froze to death. Happened to be named "Cooley." Not funny. (hee.) Chen asks whether he remembers what happened. Brian (formerly Iceboy) says that he was waiting, and that he thinks he fell asleep on the field. She asks what he was waiting for, and Brian mewls, "They were supposed to pick me up." Chen asks whether, by "they," he means his teammates, but Brian says he meant his parents: "They forgot." Chen purses her lips, and thinks what a better job she'd do as a parent if she hadn't given up the precious baby she had to those horrible people from Portland. But she plays it off and tries to cover for Brian's parents, saying that it's a pretty bad storm, and that they might have been detained by the weather. Brian, pitifully: "No. They work a lot. Sometimes they forget." Chen looks real sad.
Car accident. A rig pulls up and Mark mooches over to Doris, who climbs out of it. She asks what he's doing there, and he begs her to give him a ride to Northbrook. Your tax dollars at work, folks. Chauffeuring doctors with poor time-management skills to their weddings. Doris says it's outside her catchment area. He tells her about the wedding, and she relents, asking him to help her clear the scene. Doris approaches Kevin, and Mark asks him to let her check his vital signs. "Let him bleed!" interjects Mrs. Kevin. I get my first good look at Kevin and see he's played by Arye Gross, who used to be a second-tier movie star. Okay, third-tier. Still. Two dark scenes on ER is a step down from where he used to be. (Which is in The Experts with John Travolta and Kelly Preston.) Mark sunnily tells Kevin that if he's okay, he can take himself to the hospital. Kevin's like, "Who the hell are you?" Mark tells him he's a doctor. Doris asks Kevin whether he hit his head. Kevin, who's holding a tissue to his bleeding forehead, snaps, "What do you think?" Benton shows up and asks Mark what's going on; Mark tells him that he's going to catch a ride with Doris to the church. (I'm sure at this point Doris is thinking, "Thanks for the invitation, former Emergency Whatever Liaison Maggot.") Benton tells Mark to wait in the car and says he'll clear the scene; Mark directs Benton to examine Mrs. Kevin. Benton asks Mrs. Kevin, who is pregnant, whether she's in any pain. Mrs. Kevin ignores him, choosing instead to harangue Kevin, "Where is the little whore? Getting more ass fat put in her lips?" Kevin shoots back, "She didn't slam her car into anybody, you psychotic bitch!" (At this point, Mark's thinking, "I'm glad I'm not marrying anyone this pregnant and mean. Oh, wait...shit.") Mrs. Kevin is partway through another insult when she kind of lurches and bends over. Benton asks what's happening, and she says she thinks her water just broke. My god, you people, Mark has to get to his wedding! How can you all be so selfish?! Benton asks when the baby's due, and Kevin replies, "Tuesday." Benton asks whether it's her first baby, and Mrs. Kevin sniffs, "No, I gave this bastard a son." Mark asks how long her first labour was.
Before she can answer, we're back in the fancy waiting room. Elizabeth squeals and tells Mama Corday that the baby's "doing somersaults." Mama Corday helps Elizabeth toward a seat as Papa sticks his head in and asks what's going on. Elizabeth tells him, "Your grandchild is getting restless," and Papa murmurs that the baby's not the only one. Behind him is the minister, who asks whether they've heard anything from Mark. Mama Corday, with perfect calm, says that she's sure he'll be there momentarily, and that they'll inform the minister when they've heard anything. Dissed and dismissed, he leaves. Elizabeth muses that she hopes Mark didn't get cold feet. Dude, if he's still around after the bitch-on-wheels routine of the past four months, there's nothing you could do to get rid of him. Mama Corday basically tells her the idea that he could is preposterous. Papa needles that Mark surely would have called if there was a problem. Elizabeth says that he's not answering his cell phone. Mama says that he probably left it at work with his wallet, adding that men get just as nervous as women do on their wedding day. She asks Papa to back her up, and he shrugs, "Actually, I was never more --" Mama shoots him a look, and he corrects himself, "...more anxious. Practically forgot it was my wedding day. Although in retrospect, that could have been wishful thinking." Mama snaps, "In hindsight, it would have saved me several years of grief!" He complains, "She never cooks, she never cleans, she has a filthy mouth -- she's the queen of the harpies!" Mama Corday counters that Papa "hasn't been able to cut it, man-wise, for quite some time." Elizabeth, crying again, tells them both to cram it. Papa defensively says, "We were teasing!" Elizabeth pouts, "Well, don't! It's not funny!" Mama calmly says, "He'll be here, Elizabeth. Don't fret!" Elizabeth sobs, "But I do fret! Every time he's late, I fret! Every time he slurs a word or gets tired or bumps his head, I fret! I'm about to get married, and I'm afraid -- not of being with him, but of being without him! I'm afraid he won't be around to raise this child!" Okay, again, I have to say, they have never established to my satisfaction that this is some big love affair. Mark and Elizabeth always seemed to me to have drifted together because they'd already dated every other single person in the hospital, and to have stayed together out of inertia. Even as she cries, I feel like Elizabeth could get along just fine without Mark -- which is not to say that dependence is the same as love, but that she barely even seems to like him most of the time. So if this speech was meant to fill in all the gaps where the writers could have been dramatizing the intimacy of their relationship -- beyond the ever-present cutesy snowball fights, I mean -- it failed. Papa, missing the point, says he thought Mark's last MRI showed no recurrence, and adds that the new therapies offer a long survival. "We don't know that for sure, do we?!" Elizabeth screeches petulantly. Yes. Your father is telling you he knows everything about cancer. Not. Simmer. Mama Corday, clutching Elizabeth's hands, soothingly tells her not to start crying now, or they'll never get through the ceremony. Elizabeth doesn't answer, so Mama appeals to Papa to say something. Papa kneels beside Mama and reassuringly declares, "You're going to have a wonderful life together." Elizabeth pouts some more. He adds that they love her very much and will always be there for her. Elizabeth, looking haggard, nods.
The paramedics, accompanied by Benton, load Mrs. Kevin into the rig. Doris tells Mark that they have to drop Mrs. Kevin at the hospital, but that if Mark comes with them, she'll drive Mark to the church after that. Mark whines, "I can't go back to County! I'm better off riding with Peter!" Doris points out, "I have the lights and sirens!" Mark apparently forgot about those. Benton tells Mark to go with Doris and wishes him good luck. Kevin calls his wife's name ("Brenna"? All right) and says he wants to go with her to the hospital. Brenna (formerly Mrs. Kevin) yells for him to stay away from her. Mark tells Kevin they're full, and yells to Doris to radio County, and have them call the church to tell Elizabeth where Mark is. Kevin's still hanging on to the back door of the rig, preventing Mark from closing it. Mark wrenches it out of Kevin's hands, bashing himself square in the nose in the process. So now his tux is both soaking wet and blood-stained. He's quite a catch, there. ["And yet if Luka had on a soaking wet tux with bloodstains down the front, I'd still sprint down the aisle. Go figure." -- Sars]
County. Chen's in the hall, standing in front of the window through which we can see Brian, lying in bed. She's telling a person I think we may safely assume is Brian's dad that Brian was found unconscious on a soccer field, and that he was hypothermic, but they were able to bring him back. Mr. Cooley sheepishly says he thought Brian's mother was picking him up, and asks whether Brian will be all right. Chen says they'd like to keep him overnight for observation, judgmentally adding, "He thinks you forgot about him." Mr. Cooley gazes through the window and, after a moment, admits, "I guess we did. It's just...uh, it's been a real bad few months." Chen starts in on him: "Mr. Cooley, Brian almost died. He understands you both are very busy and you work a lot --" "His mother and I are going through a divorce," Mr. Cooley interrupts. "We haven't told him yet." Chen gives him an even more judgmental neck-crook, fixing him with a look that screams, "You sicken me." Aloud, she tells Mr. Cooley that his divorce is no excuse for forgetting about Brian. Mr. Cooley fails to tell Childless Chen to cram it.
To break the awkward silence, Haleh shows up and tells Chen about the mother on her way, in active labour after a car accident. (Again, I think it's safe to assume the mother in question is the improbably named Brenna.) Chen excuses herself from her excoriation of Mr. Cooley, and follows Haleh to the ambulance bay, asking whether the patient is full-term (she is), and how far apart her contractions are. Haleh says they're eight minutes apart, "according to Dr. Greene." "Who?" Chen squeals. Haleh's like, "Do you really care, at this point? Really?" Mark bursts through the doors with Brenna's bed, calling out her stats. Chen, indicating the blood on his shirt, asks, "What happened to you?" He tells her he's fine. Luka meets the bed coming down the hall and exclaims, "Mark! We'll take it from here. Go to your wedding!" Doris says she needs her gurney, and Luka tells her to take it later. Mark stops a moment, realizing that he needs a new shirt. And a new suit, since I'm sure the hems of his pants are all nice and muddy now, in addition to the overall moisture going on, but I guess morons can't be choosers. Lisa orders Luka to give Mark his shirt. Good call -- it's probably soaked in Kovac pheromones, which will only help Mark on the honeymoon.
Fancy waiting room. Romano pokes his head in and asks whether it's a private party. All three Cordays are calm, and Elizabeth says she thinks Mama Corday knows Romano. Mama Corday plummily says, "Yes, I believe you were operating on a dog last time we met." Romano pleasantly replies, "That's right! You were in town attending an astrology conference." Heh. "Astronomy," she corrects him. Romano's like, whatever, the guests are getting restless: "I have fifty bucks Greene will be a no-show." Hee! Elizabeth stands and breathes, "Robert --" He concludes by telling her that they've just heard from the hospital, and fills her in on the accident that waylaid Benton and Mark. Elizabeth's like, "Huh?" Romano tells her that if she gives Greene a few more minutes, Romano will lose that bet. No one quite knows how to react to the news that Mark definitely is not ditching Elizabeth (or so it would seem, since they all just fail to respond), so Romano smiles and makes to go, turning back for a moment to add, "You look beautiful, Elizabeth." She quietly thanks him. Romano says that "Greene's a lucky man." Elizabeth says -- my hand to God -- she says, "I know." "I know"?! What the hell kind of...what?! No, you say "thank you" or "I'm lucky, too" (not that she is, but we're supposed to think so) or "I appreciate the sentiment" or "oh, come on, knock it off." You don't say "I know." Even if you do know it. You just don't say it.
Airport bar. Weaver always wanted to move to Florida but didn't because it never worked out. Mike (formerly Red Herring) always thought he'd be married with two kids and a dog by this time. Weaver says he could always get a dog. Mike asks if she lives with fifty cats. No, just one pussy. OH! Thanks, I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waitress! Plus they probably aren't even living together anymore, anyway. Or if they are, they shouldn't be. She laughs and says no, and he tells her she's too pretty to be a crazy cat lady. She doesn't respond, but smiles. Mike's flight is called over the loudspeaker, and he makes to leave; before he goes, he asks if they might have dinner when they're both back in town again, since they've already had drinks. Weaver smiles and very politely tells him she doesn't think that would work out. He looks like the wind's been knocked out of him, but he smiles, gets up, and thanks her anyway. She thanks him sincerely for the company, and he leaves her his card in case she ever changes her mind. He takes off. She studies the card for a moment, and then, when a busser comes over to clear the glasses off her table, drops the card on his tray with all the other trash. See? I told you he was just a red herring.
County. Lisa, looking ten kinds of beat, stalks up to the desk, leans on it, and tells Yosh, "My last jailbird had an ingrown hair in her groin." I don't know what it is about Maura Tierney's delivery of this line but it seriously cracks me up every time. Yosh deadpans, "How lucky is that?" Before they can discuss said hair in greater detail, Benton shows up behind them and asks whether either of them has seen Finch. Lisa directs him to the lounge.
Sure enough, she's in the lounge, all decked out in her party dress and putting on an earring. And she also looks good; she's in a black, body-skimming halter dress, and normally I'm not a fan of the halter but Michael Michelle has great shoulders and she can really pull it off. And before anyone emails me to ask why I'm lingering over the ladies instead of the guys...what's there to say about the guys? They're in suits, like always, and no one cares. She tells him she was on her way to meet him at the wedding reception. He's surprised. She asks whether he thinks it's too late, and he says he doesn't. She makes to go, and he stops her, faking that he doesn't want to go with her anymore. Flirt. Flirt. Banter. Whatever.
Desk. Chen is on the phone with Linda, the woman who adopted her baby. She shuffles through some snapshots of Linda with her husband, James, and the baby as she says she got Linda's card, and that the baby's beautiful. After a pause, she asks, "Is that him?...He's laughing already? Wow." She rubs her forehead and tears up a little.
Church. Doris drops Mark off. He runs to the door.
Inside, Mark runs toward the nave and slows down when he gets close, buttoning his jacket. His tuxedo? Totally dry. Not at all muddy. Whatever. As soon as the guests see him, everyone starts applauding. Mark smiles sheepishly and stands beside the minister. The wedding march starts. Elizabeth comes down the aisle. People smile at her. No one from Social Services shows up to object that brothers and sisters can't get married in the state of Illinois.