Props to Sars, Kim, my parents, and Glark, for helping me to get through one of the most stressful weeks of my life. And thanks to everyone else for being patient while I wrote this, since it was about the last thing on my mind.
The stupid cable company failed to switch to NBC at the right time, so I missed the very start of the "Previously"s. From what I saw, Elizabeth was a beeyatch to Benton; Rena and Carter told one another that they aren't sluts; Romano told Elizabeth that he appointed her Associate Chief of Surgery so that he'd have a lieutenant in the field, and she didn't take it well; Rena told Carter that she was nineteen; Carter told Abby Rena's age, and Abby was appropriately scandalized; Carter broke up with Rena.
Over the title screen, we hear some crabby old lady complaining that she needs to go, and that her kids are coming home from school. Once we see her, we realize how unlikely this is, because she's...you know, old. Cleo "Transparent .Gif" Finch assures Granny that it's only 10 AM, and that she'll be home in plenty of time to meet the kids at the bus stop. Granny continues complaining about her empty "icebox" and how expensive ground chuck is as Finch calls Peter "Black Like Me" Benton over to take a look. As Granny continues droning on in an annoying and shrill stream of consciousness, Finch tells Benton that Granny's name is Mrs. Howard, and that her nursing home sent her to County because she stopped eating. Benton opines that it doesn't sound like a surgical case, but Finch explains that it could be: "You took out her gall bladder last month." When I first watched this episode, I got this old African-American lady confused with the one who dissed Benton in "Flight of Fancy" because she only wanted a white doctor working on her. But that lady was in the hospital for hip surgery, not gall bladder surgery, and her name was Mrs. Barnwall, not Mrs. Howard. So, uh...never mind. Anyway, Benton looks at her, smiles (I guess in recognition), and says hello. She coos that it's "so nice to see" him. He tells her his name, and she says, "I know! I never forget a handsome face!"
As Benton turns to confer with Finch, a little dark-haired kid goes tearing down the hallway behind them. Far behind, John "Mack Daddy" Carter bellows, "Simon!" but the kid is way too fast for Grandpa Carter. Simon dodges carts and gurneys, and finally ducks into a supply closet, running smack into Abby "Lisa" Lockhart, causing her to drop her armload of sheets. Lisa makes a surprised noise, and then bends down to ask Simon who he is. Out in the hall, Carter calls, "Simon!" Lisa asks, "Are you Simon?" The kid shakes his head no.
In a trauma room, an exasperated Carter asks Yosh -- Yosh! It's been so long since he's appeared on the show that his hair is almost as long as mine -- whether he's seen Simon, but Yosh says he hasn't. Carter turns on his heel and stomps back out, where Lisa, accompanied by Simon, asks, "Lose something?" Carter picks him up around the legs. Lisa asks where Simon's mother is; Carter says that she went to the cafeteria to get some chocolate milk, but that Simon won't get any until he lets Carter draw his blood. "I don't want you to take my blood!" Simon whines. I know the kid who's playing Simon is, like, four, but still -- he really sucks. Lisa offers, "We're only going to take about this much," and indicates a small amount with her fingers. Carter plops a still-complaining Simon down on a bed and tells him that if he doesn't move around, it won't hurt. "I don't want a needle!" Simon moans. Lisa suggests a papoose, which is a kind of restraining blanket used on kids to hold them still during medical or dental procedures; it's different from a similar device, known as a pedi-wrap, in that a papoose restrains a kid against a board, while a pedi-wrap is just like a blanket with straps used to tie up the kid. Carter's all surly, not meeting Lisa's eyes as he says he thinks they're okay. Lisa pleasantly jokes, "Are you sure? I'd hate for you to lose him again!" "Can you just hold his arms still?" Carter snaps. Lisa's like, "Take a Midol, princess, jesus," and leans down to hold Simon's arms to his sides. Carter commands Simon, "Be brave and do not move." Okay, nice. If a doctor told me that, in that tone, I would start screaming and flailing my arms around -- which is exactly what Simon does. Lisa and Carter straighten up, exasperated. Lisa suggests that they try an arm board, but Carter says they should take a break instead. Well, they shouldn't have tried to do anything when the kid's mom wasn't around. Anyway, Yosh comes out, clutching a tissue to his forehead and telling Lisa he needs another nurse. Carter tells her to go.
In a curtain area, a gowned patient is sitting on the bed with a pillow case over his head; he's grunting and wriggling around. Yosh tells Lisa the patient kicked him in the face, and Malik tells her he needs help with "the leathers." Lisa calls for Haldol as Yosh warns her to be careful: "He bit a nurse's finger in Psych!" Lisa asks what he's doing in the ER, and Yosh says he cut up his face. Luka "Merry Prankster" Kovac walks in and asks whether they need help. The patient grabs Lisa by the shoulders and starts shaking her around. Luka takes a syringe of Haldol from Yosh and injects the patient in the thigh. Malik yelps, "Hey! What did you do that for?" The patient whips off the pillow case and we see that it's..."Dr." Dave Malucci. Wah wah. Yosh breathlessly tells Luka that it was an April Fools' joke. Then why did he give Luka the meds, if he knew Luka wasn't in on the joke? "April Fools'?" Luka repeats uncomprehendingly. "Was that Haldol?" squeaks Dr. Dave. Hee!
While the credits and commercials run, I'd like to take this opportunity to explain that I recently read a story on Erik Palladino in InStyle, and they spelled his character's name with two "L"s, which means I've been spelling it wrong all this time. Or so it would seem. But upon further investigation at the official ER site produced by Warner Bros., they spell it with one "L." Since life is too short for me to go back and correct, like, thirty recaps, and since the most reliable source spells it with one "L," I'm going to continue spelling it the way I have been. I will say that the name looks better with one "L." And did you know that Erik Palladino is shacked up with Sarah-Jane Potts, who plays Molly on Felicity? They were very cute in the photo spreads, and they have a nice house. Goran Visnjic was all over the article, too, so I guess that he and Palladino are friends in real life. Anyway.
After the break, we're at the desk. Kerry "Lost, In Love" Weaver scolds Malik, Luka, Yosh, Lisa, and a dozing Dr. Dave, "The board is full, gurneys are lining the halls, we've got another thirty in the rack. We desperately need to clear out the rooms, and you're wasting your time on April Fools' pranks! No more shenanigans for the rest of the day. Have I made myself clear?" Yosh and Malik quietly tell her she has. Getting no response from him, Weaver barks, "DAVE." Lisa smacks the back of his head, and he awakens with a start and says, "Yeah." Weaver asks Luka how much Haldol he gave Dr. Dave; Luka says it was ten milligrams. Weaver tells Dr. Dave to take a nap, but he protests that he's fine. Dude, who turns down a nap? Freak! "What'd I just say?" she tests him. "Go take a nap," he attempts, as Yosh and Malik snicker in the background. "Before that," Weaver clarifies. "No more fooling around?" Dr. Dave guesses. Weaver tells him that's right, and orders him to get back to work. She crutches out from behind the desk, only to see that a bunch of aluminum cans tied together with string are tangled around the end of her cane. "Malucci!" she screams. Dr. Dave blearily swears it wasn't him, as everyone else behind the desk cracks up to greater and less degrees. Weaver removes the cans and continues on her non-merry way.
Carter arrives at the desk just as everyone's laughter is fading (and as Dr. Dave starts nodding off again), and clips, "What?" Lisa chuckles, "Nothing." Indicating Dr. Dave, he tersely asks, "What's the matter with him?" "Ten of Haldol," Lisa says, bustling off. "What?" Carter repeats. He flips through his papers a moment, and then notices soap bubbles floating through the air around his face. He glances up the hall to see Simon blowing bubbles with his mom, and Rena "Barely Legal Co-Ed" Trujillo. I have to ask -- isn't the ER a sterile environment? I know they're only blowing a few bubbles, but wouldn't they leave little slimy puddles of soapy residue wherever they land, and burst, which could be a hazard -- or, at least, mess up the joint? I can tell you that's why my sister and I were never allowed to blow bubbles in the house, even though we could never do really big ones outside because of the merciless prairie wind. Evidently my mom does not work in the ER at County General, because the bubble-blowing continues apace, and Carter hurries over, grinning and totally failing to put a stop to it. Carter greets Rena with a familiar if brusque "hey." "Dr. Carter," she smiles non-committally. Carter brandishes an empty milk carton and scolds Simon, "You were supposed to get this after we took your blood!" Mrs. Simon apologizes, saying that Simon was thirsty and scared, and immediately offers to go and get another one. Carter tells her it's okay. She says she doesn't mind, and heads off, telling Simon, over her shoulder, to be a good boy. Simon now has a chocolate milk moustache that makes him look like Pubert Addams. With Simon between them, Carter informs Rena, "You know, I didn't call you down here." Rena said that the nurses did, telling her that Carter was having some trouble. "Not me," Carter lies. Rena tells him that Simon is ready for the needle now. Simon is not paying either one of them any attention, and continues to blow bubbles. Malik emerges from a curtain area and Carter asks him to help. Rena says that it's better if no one holds on to Simon, and Carter's all, "Yeah, right, whatever, girly." "Trust me," Rena says soulfully. Carter tells Malik to "give Simon...a friendly hug." Rena shakes her head slightly at Malik, and tells Simon to keep blowing bubbles: "Blow right through the pain." Oh, lord. Carter's like, "Okay, I'll try it your way, cuckoo." Carter sticks Simon, and Simon doesn't make a sound. Carter orders a bunch of labs. Rena tells Simon he was very brave. Malik offers to "hook [Simon] up with a band-aid." Aw. He's gonna hook Simon up. A-ight?
As Lisa watches from the desk, Malik attends to Simon, and Rena and Carter move slightly away to flirt. He asks how her internship is going, and she says it's "good." Carter says he hasn't seen her around lately, and that she must have been busy. "Yeah," she says agreeably, and then says she should get back upstairs. Carter's all schmoopy, "Nice to see you again!" "You too," Rena says, getting the hell out of there. Did someone buy her a copy of The Rules for Teens or something?
Two cops -- one male, one female -- accompany Doris as she wheels in a trauma patient and gives Elizabeth "The Mummy's Curse" Corday the bullet: the guy's name is Eddie Palcynski, and he's hypotensive after a gunshot wound to the belly. Noting the cops, Elizabeth muses that Eddie isn't an innocent victim; Ms. Cop says that Eddie held up a liquor store. As the caravan passes Mrs. Howard, she screeches at Mr. Cop, "They stole my purse!" Everyone ignores her. Eddie tries to protest his innocence; Doris yells his stats to Elizabeth, and Ms. Cop tells Eddie to shut up. Elizabeth asks what happened to Mr. Cop, who is wounded and holding his right arm; he says he hurt himself chasing Eddie's partner over a fence. Elizabeth asks whether Mr. Cop caught the guy, and Mr. Cop ruefully replies, "Not exactly." Ms. Cop wryly but fondly comments that he would have had to run in order to catch him.
Benton comes into Eddie's trauma room as they move Eddie onto the bed. Benton asks Elizabeth whether she needs help, and she asks Benton to look at Mr. Cop's arm. Ms. Cop cracks that he only needs a band-aid, and Mr. Cop shoots back, "Yeah, over your mouth!" What are they, Will and Grace? As Benton leads Mr. Cop away, Ms. Cop calls him "Kenny" and tells him that, if he's good, maybe he'll get a lollipop.
In the hall, Mrs. Howard is still screeching at passersby that she's lost her purse. Weaver asks a passing Randi, "Who's got the screamer?" Randi says that Mrs. Howard is Finch's patient, now that Benton's cleared her belly. Weaver asks whether they can move her into a room, and Randi snorts, "If we had one." Randi gets to the desk, where Carter effusively compliments her outfit. Randi thanks him, a little taken aback. Lisa, sitting on a rolling chair, glides back, suspiciously squinting at Carter. "You look nice too," Carter says, as if obliged. Lisa gets up and asks him, "So, are you Dr. Carter now, or Mr. Hyde?" Carter insincerely apologizes for his earlier pissiness, claiming he just needed a cup of coffee. Lisa smirks, "I suppose seeing Miss Bubbles had nothing to do with your sudden mood change?" Carter squeaks, "No!" Lisa observes, "You've been moping around here for days, and then the minute she shows up, you turn into Mr. Congeniality?" Carter claims that he was just being friendly. Lisa gives him a "whatever" look, and he insists, "I was!" Before they can get to the heart of the matter, Chuny appears at the ambulance-bay doors and asks, "Did anyone order a school bus?"
Because...you know, there's a school bus in the ambulance bay. But the kids seem fine, as far as we can tell from the ones hanging out the windows as Chuny, Carter, and Lisa come out to see what the deal is. A teacher comes off the bus with a blond boy, briskly introduces herself as Grace Linden, and says that the boy, Stuart, is having an asthma attack. Carter sends Chuny in for supplies and asks Stuart whether he uses an inhaler. Stuart produces one and gasps, "Empty!" Lisa asks how long Stuart has "been bad," and Ms. Linden says it's been about ten minutes, adding, "There were fumes on the bus." "Exhaust fumes?" Carter asks. Ms. Linden says that it was something else: "A lot of the kids have headaches and some of them are throwing up." Carter says that they can't bring the kids inside since it's a HazMat situation: "Until we can confirm there's no contamination, you're all going to have to wait outside." "In the cold?" Ms. Linden demands.
I guess the answer is yes, because we cut back inside. Mark "Bore Bore Bore! How Do You Like It, How Do You Like It?" Greene strolls down the hall just as Elizabeth sends Eddie up for surgery. He asks what it is; she tells him. He says he thought Benton was on. Elizabeth's like, "Yeah. So?" Mark asks how long the case is. She replies, "Couple of hepatic drains, couple of sutures, and we'll be done." Mark says it "sounds quick." She confirms that it "should be." Mark hopes so. Shut up, both of you.
The kids file off the bus and Ms. Linden directs them to some holding pen. Carter calls out some drug orders for Stuart -- including Bishop Cromwell's favourite, Solumedrol -- and when a gurney rolls into the bottom of the frame, Carter tells Lisa that they need to bag Stuart's clothes and get him inside. Both Carter and Lisa help Stuart onto the bed; he doesn't quite make it on his first attempt, and three punks leaning out the back window chant, "Stu, Stu, Stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-pid!" From Stuart's reaction, it's clear this is a witticism with which he is quite familiar. The head punk nasals, "Hey, I think you broke your ass -- I can see the crack!" Ms. Linden tells the kids to stow it. Carter helps Stuart -- who is a little on the chunky side -- off with his shirt, and Lisa tries to distract Stuart's attention away from the trio of punks by asking whether they're all on a field trip. Stuart, getting his breath back, nods that they were on their way to the Art Institute to see the Gauguin exhibit, but that they never made it. Punk #1 calls out to a now-shirtless Stuart, "Hey, nice rack, Stu! Make 'em bounce!" Lisa, exasperated, tells the kid, "That's enough!" Undeterred, Punk #3 adds, "Hey, Doc, do you do liposuction?" Ms. Linden makes some principal-related threat. Carter quietly tells Stuart, "Don't even listen to them." Easy for you to say, Slim.
Up in surgery, Shirley arranges the OR as Elizabeth scrubs. Robert "Rocket" Romano pokes his head in to say he heard she was "doing an ex-lap on a GSW." Elizabeth confirms this report. Romano needles, "Sure you can still reach the table?" "At least I can see the table," she replies pleasantly. Heh. Romano fake-laughs and says, "I was going to offer to assist after my AV shunt, but not if you're going to go pre-natal on me!" Elizabeth says that if he really wants to help, he can order her some pizza and ice cream. Romano gives her an appraising look and asks, "You think you need it?" That's something you should just never ask someone who's just expressed a desire for junk food -- man or woman. People like pizza and ice cream. Leave us alone! D'oh, I was projecting again. Elizabeth sneers.
In a hall in the ER, Benton stitches up Kenny (formerly Mr. Cop) as Ms. Cop stands by. Down the hall, Mrs. Howard moans that she needs to use the toilet, as Weaver tries (unsuccessfully) to calm her down. Weaver and an orderly roll Mrs. Howard's bed a little way down the hall, closer to Kenny and Benton. At this moment, Carter and Chuny come in with Stuart's bed; Carter calls Weaver to help, and Weaver leaves Mrs. Howard, asking Chuny to help Mrs. Howard with a bedpan. Carter asks Weaver where she wants to put Stuart. Chuny lowers the rail on Mrs. Howard's bed, but before she can make with the bedpan, Malik comes around the corner to tell Chuny she has a patient seizing. Chuny takes off. As soon as she's alone (well, unattended, anyway), Mrs. Howard throws off her blanket and climbs unsteadily out of bed, muttering, "Can't keep me here. You can let me go if I want to go. I'm not a prisoner. I'm not," and so forth. Benton performs some minor test on Kenny, I guess to see how bad his arm injury is, and just as we get to see what a nice ass Kenny has, Mrs. Howard reaches his bed and picks up Kenny's gun out of its holster, where it was just lying out, totally unattended in a very busy ER. After a moment, Kenny glances up and yells, "Hey!" Mrs. Howard totters down the hall in the other direction, feebly waving the gun around in her limp hand. Ms. Cop springs into action, pulling her gun on Mrs. Howard, and -- calmly, though urgently -- telling her to drop the gun. By now, everyone is watching to see what will happen -- Weaver, Stuart, Carter, etc. Mrs. Howard wails, "This is not right! You can't do this to me! Just leave me alone!" Kenny tells Mrs. Howard that if she puts the gun down, no one will get hurt. "LEAVE ME ALONE! Just leave me alone!" she shrieks. Ms. Cop repeats her order for Mrs. Howard to drop the gun. Carter positions himself between Mrs. Howard and Stuart. Ms. Cop shoots Mrs. Howard twice in the chest, and she drops like a sack of potatoes.
Commercials. I guess we're supposed to think that because Mrs. Howard had been whining and carrying on like that for a long time -- hours, possibly -- everyone in the hall had just tuned her out, and that's why no one noticed when she started wandering around? That's my theory.
Hugh Jackman? Hot. Too bad that new movie of his looks like ass.
In a trauma room, Benton and Weaver work on Mrs. Howard. Kenny and Ms. Cop stand at the end of the bed. Ms. Cop confirms, "We asked three times, right?" "Yeah, she didn't respond," Kenny agrees. Ms. Cop asks how Mrs. Howard got his gun; he doesn't know. She asks what Kenny's going to say (when the police department investigates, I assume), and he says they can talk about it later. Ms. Cop presses that they should figure it out before "they get here." Benton barks, "The right atrium and ventricle are completely shredded....The aortic root is blown away. [to Ms. Cop] I guess one shot wasn't enough!" Kenny beckons Ms. Cop into the trauma room. "Hope they get their story straight," Benton ruefully tells Weaver, who doesn't respond. Benton glances over his shoulder and gives Kenny and Ms. Cop the hairy eyeball as they confer.
Ambulance bay. A guy in a blue HazMat suit comes off the school bus and pronounces it "okay." The fire chief tells Mark that the bus is fine: "No carbon monoxide, no flammables." "The kids smelled something?" Mark leads. The chief replies, "Maybe, but it's gone now. Probably just mass hysteria." Mark and the Chief head over to Dr. Dave and Luka, standing near the ass end of the bus. Dr. Dave seems skeptical, so the Chief elaborates: "Kids smell nail polish remover. Pretty soon, everybody thinks they're sick." Luka asks whether they need to scrub the kids down, but the Chief says it's not necessary: "No one's contaminated." Mark suggests that they split the kids up, and approaches the little gang, asking, "Who had vomiting?" A couple of kids put up their hands. Mark directs a dark-haired, ponytailed girl named Emily toward Luka. He asks if she's still nauseated just as the camera lights upon Dr. Dave, asking a couple of girls whether they experienced a stiff neck or double vision. One says no, and then coos, "Are you really a doctor?" "When I'm not out fighting crime," Dr. Dave flirts. The girls giggle. Okay, there's barely legal, and then there's nowhere near legal, so put it away before you hurt yourself, there, Dave. Pan over to the trio of punks, leaning against the hood of a cop car and smoking. Mark beckons them inside, but Punk #2 says that they like it outside; Punk #3 agrees that "fresh air is good for you." Mark sternly tells them to put out the cigarette and go inside. Punk #1 -- who totally looks like the love child of Elijah Wood and Eminem -- sasses, "You got a spare ashtray?" Save it, half-pint.
Trauma room. It doesn't look good for Mrs. Howard. Kenny and Ms. Cop are back at the end of the bed. A guy -- presumably an Internal Affairs investigator -- comes in and asks Ms. Cop (hereafter Officer Kimball) whether she discharged her weapon. She nods, and Det. IA directs her down the hall toward another detective, telling Kenny to stay with him. Det. IA asks for the names of the treating physicians. Weaver gives her name and, when Benton ignores Det. IA, his as well. Det. IA asks whether they witnessed the shooting; Weaver says they both did, and then confirms the spelling of Benton's name. Det. IA asks, "Is she going to make it?" "Not if you don't let us do our jobs," Benton snaps. "Let me know if she expires," says an unmoved Det. IA, before leaving. Kenny stays behind, transfixed, his eyes flicking between Mrs. Howard's face and Benton's. After a moment, Kenny follows Det. IA out of the room.
In a curtain area, Luka listens to Emily's breathing. She asks whether "that stuff" is still in her lungs, and he says he doesn't think so, since everything sounds fine. She asks what kind of chemical it was, and Luka says they don't know. She asks how, then, they know it's safe, and Luka says they know because her oxygen level is normal, and her lungs are clear. Emily fixes Luka with a slightly defiant look and asks, "Do you think it could hurt my baby?" Luka, duly shocked that this seventh-grader is asking about her baby, asks, "You're pregnant?" "I think so," Emily chirps.
Pam wheels in a bed and gives Mark the bullet on the patient, Laura, who ran her car into a fire hydrant and has no response to verbal commands. They head toward a trauma room, but a cop stops them and tells them it's a crime scene. Mark objects, saying that the patient is critical, but the cop insists that they go around. Mark and Pam relent. Finch shows up and asks what all the cops are there for; Mark tells her there was a shooting. Mark quickly determines that Laura's eyes are equal and reactive, and calls out a bunch of orders. As they wheel into the trauma room, Mark glances through the glass and comments, "It looks like Peter's patient didn't make it." Finch asks which patient Mark means, and Mark replies, "The little old lady from the hall." Finch looks up to see a cop taking photographs of Mrs. Howard. "That's my patient!" Finch (sort of) exclaims. Mark says that the cops shot her. "What?!" Finch snaps in (sort of) shock.
Stuart's still puffing on his tube. Carter comes in and asks if he's feeling better. Stuart says he's starting to, and asks, "Did that lady die?" Carter nods. Stuart asks if he thinks it'll be on the news. Carter does. Stuart notes, "She could have blown my head off! Weren't you scared?" Carter nods and admits, "A little." Stuart asks why, then, Carter got in front of him. Carter says he guesses he wasn't thinking, and admits that he was actually "really scared." "Me too," Stuart confesses. He leans forward, and Carter listens to his lungs, commenting, "You're still wheezing. Have you had a cold?" Stuart says he hasn't. Carter sits down and says, "Something triggered your asthma. Think it was the fumes?" Stuart, looking down, says he doesn't know. "You're not sure?" Carter asks. Stuart shakes his head. Carter says he's just trying to help. Stuart finally cracks: "It was the fumes." Carter asks where they came from. Stuart is mum. Carter murmurs that anything Stuart tells him is a secret. Stuart nods.
Eddie's OR. Elizabeth asks Shirley to rub her back. Shirley complies. Elizabeth continues operating, between orgasmic moans of pleasure. Romano watches for a moment from the door, and then enters, saying, "I'm sorry, this must be the day spa -- I was looking for the OR." Heh. Elizabeth patiently says that everything's under control, and Romano replies, "I hope so -- you've been in here long enough!" Elizabeth says, "I've repaired the liver, the diaphragm, and now the IVC." Hey! That's a lot more surgery than she told Mark she'd be doing. What a liar! Just kidding -- I don't care. Romano asks about the defect to the ascending colon. She asks where. He doesn't answer. She roots around in Eddie's guts, and then sighs, "I hadn't fully run the bowel yet." Romano replies, "Or maybe this is too big a case, given your delicate condition." Her voice breaking with impotent anger, Elizabeth sniffs, "We were doing perfectly well until you came in, thank you." He asks, "Are you crying?" "No!" she lies. "We don't cry in the OR!" he Tom Hankses, adding, "That's what the ladies' room is for." Elizabeth insists that she's not crying. Romano says she won't mind if he scrubs in, then.
At the desk, Randi puts lipstick on one of the girls from the bus. Mark asks Randi where Dr. Dave is. Randi snorts, "He's with his new fan club." "As if!" protests Lipstick. Mark tells Randi to find him. Carter hurries up to tell Mark that some of the kids on the bus had a can of solvent. "They were huffing?" Luka street-lingoes for those of us who've never seen a PSA before. Luka says, "Great -- I've got a pregnant girl." Mark asks Carter what they were using; Carter says he doesn't know: "They just held a rag over my patient's face and forced him to take a hit." Mark says that the tox screens are negative, and Carter exposits that solvents don't show up on tox screens. Luka says that they have to find out what they were huffing. Mark adds that he thinks he knows where to start looking. Carter concludes by saying that they should try to do it without implicating Stuart: "He's a little afraid of payback." Another girl has joined Randi and Lipstick at the desk. "Tell him," Randi prompts the new girl (I'll call her Barrettes). Barrettes announces, "Dr. Dave was talking to me, and he fell asleep in the chair." "Now he's drooling," adds a disgusted Lipstick.
Sure enough, we cut to Dr. Dave, sprawled face down on a bed. Lisa comes in with a guy in a wheelchair and, after three attempts, awakens Dr. Dave. He leaps up, startled, and insists that he's okay, but he has a big round mark (from his stethoscope? I can't tell) on his cheek. He takes off, flustered.
The punk trio mess around with some equipment in a curtain area. Punk #1 has something with a probe of some kind that he's trying to stick in the mouth of Punk #2 as Punk #3 objects, "No, man, you gotta stick it in his butt!" Mark bursts in and asks what they were sniffing. They feign ignorance. "On the bus," Mark elaborates. Punk #1 asks, "Did you smell something on the bus?" "Yeah, Mrs. Linden's farts," says Punk #2. Mark steps forward and ponderously bluffs, "We found chemical solvents in your bloodstream. Some of your classmates are really sick." Punk #1 notices that his arm is bleeding profusely where (I presume) they stuck him, and he asks Mark for another band-aid. Mark ignores the request and demands, "I need to know what it was! Butane? Paint thinner? Adhesive?" No one answers. Mark declares, "Okay, fine. We'll do more tests." He takes Punk #1 (calling him "Bo" -- well, no wonder the kid's a bully with a dumb-ass name like that) with him, and casting a threatening glance over his shoulder at the two remaining punks.
Cut to Bo (formerly Punk #1) on a bed in an exam room. "What kind of tests?" he quavers. Malik, wearing huge blue rubber gloves, warns him to lie still. Cut to BoCam, where we see that Mark and Malik have assembled every piece of equipment in the hospital around Bo's bed. Seriously, I think I see the microwave from the doctors' lounge. Mark, sterilizing a spot on Bo's jugular vein, bullshits, "We take the blood, and label it with radioactive hydrogen, and then we reinject it in your body and do a nuclear scan." Malik passes Mark a huge needle filled with something that looks like apple juice. "Really?" chokes Bo. Mark claims that it's the only way to identify the chemicals. They start to lower something onto Bo's head, while inching the needle toward his neck, and Bo relents: "It was spot remover." Mark stops the equipment moving and asks what kind. Bo says it was carbon tetrachloride. Mark tells Malik to order liver panels on the trio of punks. Bo asks whether he's going to be okay, and Mark says he hopes so.
Carter enters a brightly coloured nursery and asks a pretty young thing whether Rena is there. PYT says that Rena is just finishing up with a patient, and asks, "Dr. Carter, right?" Carter confirms his name and asks whether they've met. PYT curtly says, "No. I'll let her know you're here." D'oh! Rena's been talking about her boyfriend! PYT takes off. Carter wanders over to a model of a human torso and touches it, causing its innards to spill out in a loud clatter. A totally adorable little boy standing near the table tenses up his shoulders and grimaces in this very cute and comical expression of "trouble!" Or perhaps, "dude!" I can't really describe it. It's cute, though. PYT comes back to see the mess Carter's made. He apologizes, and she explains that the model always does that. They both start to put it back together, and apparently he's doing such a bad job of it that she's moved to ask, "Are you sure you're a doctor?" Carter preens that he was a surgical resident for a year, and PYT cracks, "I guess it's easier taking things out than putting it back in." Rena walks in, and Carter tells her he accidentally eviscerated the model. Rena says she heard about the shooting, and asks whether he's okay. Carter says he is, and then shakes his head in an affected "what a world" way. Rena asks whether he wants something, and Carter says he's been doing a lot of thinking about the two of them: "I realize that I may have been --" "Stupid?" she finishes for him. Carter says that he was going to say "wrong," but that maybe he was a little of both. He says that he enjoyed the time they spent together, and that he'd like to do it again, and asks her to lunch. She asks him about "the age thing." He says it's "not an issue. Anymore." Without giving a straight answer, Rena hands him a piece of the model and flirts, "You dropped your spleen." He asks if that's a no, and she says she'll think about it. Wah.
ER. Finch whines to Benton that nobody got her when Mrs. Howard died. Benton says there wasn't time, and that she arrested almost immediately. Finch says that Mrs. Howard wasn't that agitated when Finch went upstairs, and asks what Mrs. Howard could have possibly wanted with a gun. Benton says that she didn't want anything with the gun, and that she was altered. Yosh hurries over and says that Kenny is still waiting for his sutures. Finch enters Laura's trauma room (remember her? Fire hydrant? Had to go the long way around into the trauma room?) with films, which she throws up on a light box. Laura is trying to get out of bed, but Mark tells her that she can't go anywhere, because she was unconscious. Laura insists that she has to get to her gynecologist's: "They have to harvest my eggs by six o'clock!" Mark asks whether she's on fertility drugs. Laura babbles, "I had ten days of FSH injections and yesterday they gave me beta HCG. Look, I'm ovulating now. There's only a two-hour window to retrieve the eggs." Mark gently tells her he doesn't think that'll be possible now. Laura asks whether she damaged her ovaries. Finch calls out that the head CT looks normal. Mark tells Laura, "We think you may have had a small blood clot in your brain that caused you to pass out and crash your car." "But I'm okay now," babbles Laura. Mark tells her that they need to give her blood thinners so that she doesn't have more clotting. Laura says that she'll go to the clinic and come right back to County. Mark tells her that she needs Heparin now, which means that she can't have an invasive procedure. Laura, getting more agitated, says that they can do whatever they want when she comes back, but that they have to harvest her eggs. Finch breaks the stalemate by suggesting that they call Laura's gynecologist and see if she can do the procedure at County.
Emily is pacing in her room when Luka comes in. Emily bites his head off about having to wait so long, like she has anywhere to go. Luka asks her to sit down. Emily breathlessly demands, "Did you do the test?" Luka sighs heavily and confirms, "You are pregnant." Happily, Emily exclaims, "I knew it! What about the fumes?" Luka says that they shouldn't be a problem. Emily says that's good: "I want a healthy baby." Luka asks whether she's thought about her options. She asks what he means. He asks, "Can you take care of a baby?" Emily blithely says, "Well, there's day care in high school." There is? Huh. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it's great for there to be a publicly funded place for teen mothers to leave their kids while they pursue their high-school education, so that they don't drop out and limit their options for the future. On the other, it's a bit chilling to see a girl who's probably twelve chirp, "There's day care in high school!" as if that takes care of all the difficulties inherent in teen motherhood. Anyway, Emily adds that her mom can help take care of the baby until Emily gets to ninth grade, and has access to said day care. Luka asks whether Emily's mom knows she's pregnant. Emily shakes her head no. Luka suggests that Emily tell her, but Emily objects on the ground that her mom will "freak out completely." Luka tries his last card: "It's a big decision." "No, it's not," Emily opines. "All my life I've wanted a baby." Yow.
Benton sutures Kenny's arm as Kenny sings the praises of his partner, Officer Kimball (formerly Ms. Cop): "She's a good cop. Saved my ass a couple of times. No one ever wants to draw their gun. She was forced to make a split-second decision." "Was she?" Benton asks skeptically. Kenny insists, "She followed the guidelines." Benton sarcastically asks, "They teach you to shoot little old ladies?" Kenny points out, "She could have shot anyone in that hallway, and you know that." Benton says that all he knows is that an elderly black woman is dead. Kenny protests that Officer Kimball is "not like that. At all," adding, "I would have done the same thing." (Officer Kimball is white; Kenny is African-American.) Benton gruffly tells Kenny to hold still. Kenny continues, "Look, you don't know her. You can trust her. She's a good person. She's been raising two kids on her own ever since her husband died. She's had it rough. I'm telling you, [if] this investigation goes the wrong way, you could ruin a good cop's life. She was trying to protect you and your patients -- that's all she was doing. You might want to consider that when you talk to these detectives." Benton sighs dejectedly. I feel him.
Mark is on the phone, trying to track down Dr. Alexander, Laura's gynecologist. Malik shows up with Bo's test results. Mark hangs up and tells Malik they'll have to admit him to the Pedes ICU. They take off.
Down the hall, Luka and Lisa are discussing Emily's case. Luka points out that Emily is only in the seventh grade; Lisa replies that girls are legally emancipated upon pregnancy for a reason, and that Luka can't tell Emily's mother. Luka comments that Emily will have to tell her mother eventually, and Lisa chuckles, "Yes, she will." Luka asks whether it wouldn't be better for Emily to tell her mother now, and Lisa ambivalently agrees that it would. "So, you'll talk to her?" Luka somehow assumes is the appropriate end to the conversation. "What?!" Lisa asks. "Maybe she'll listen to you!" Luka offers, and directs Lisa to Emily's room.
As Lisa and Luka pass by, we're back with Mark and Bo. Bo tells Mark that he can just go home and rest, and Mark replies that they really need to call Bo's parents. Bo says they won't be back until 8 or 9. Mark asks whether either of them has a cell phone or a pager, and Bo tells Mark not to bother trying to reach them. "We really do," Mark says firmly. Bo looks terrified and asks, "What is it?" With no preamble at all -- and, look, I know Bo is a punk and all, but he's twelve! -- Mark declares, "You're in liver failure." Bo takes the news rather calmly, considering, and asks, "How'd that happen?" Mark judges, "You need to huff pretty much every day to hurt your liver." Um. Hi. He's your patient. He's a kid. Could you not lean on him quite so heavily after giving him this pretty devastating news? If this is the way you act around pre-teens, Mark, I feel a lot more sympathetic toward Whiny Rachel than I used to. Bo counters that people drink every day, and Mark announces, "This is worse." Is it? Don't alcoholics suffer liver failure, too? Isn't it the same? Bo can't believe it's worse, and Mark gruffly says that they need to start looking for a liver donor for Bo. Way to sugar-coat it! GOD! Mark flatly says, "You could die if you don't have a liver transplant." No fool he, Bo suspiciously asks, "Is this another one of your scare tactics?" Mark says it isn't. I guess Mark doesn't need a "tactic," because he's plenty scary already. Didn't Mark have some kind of bedside manner, once? I barely remember that.
Suddenly, Finch comes tearing down the hall and tells Mark that Laura's crashing. Mark takes off, asking Finch what happened. Finch says that she slumped over and stopped breathing. Mark curses himself, saying he knew he should have Heparinized. In the trauma room, Mark starts calling out orders, including telling staff to paralyze Laura. Finch indicates Laura's limp wrist and says she doesn't think they have to paralyze her, after all. Everyone works on her. Finch determines that Laura has no muscle tone in her legs, either. Mark wearily announces, "The blood clot knocked out the corticospinal tract. She's a quadriplegic." Finch looks blank, and then suggests using TPA to bust up the clot. Mark rejects the idea: "Not after a car crash. She has pulmonary contusions -- she could bleed into her lungs." Randi appears at the door to tell Mark that she took a message from Dr. Alexander, saying that she would come to see Laura. Mark tells Randi to forget it: "She stroked out." Randi has no reaction, and leaves.
Det. IA is confirming that Benton heard Officer Kimball asking Mrs. Howard to drop the gun. Benton says he did. Det. IA asks what happened . Benton replies, "Mrs. Howard was startled, and she raised the gun." Det. IA asks whether she pointed the gun at anyone in particular. Benton says that there were other patients around, but that Mrs. Howard didn't point the gun at anyone specifically. Det. IA puts on his coat, and says that they'll notify Benton if they need anything else. "That's it?" Benton asks incredulously. Det. IA sarcastically asks whether there's anything Benton would like to add. Benton spits, "Yeah! They could have grabbed the gun." Det. IA asks what makes Benton say that. Benton explains, "She was a frail, frightened, demented, elderly woman. She didn't know where she was or what she was doing." "But she still could have fired it," Det. IA observes. Benton concedes, "Maybe." "But?" Det. IA prompts. "They didn't need to shoot her," Benton concludes. Det. IA stares for a moment, and then leaves.
Through the glass door of Emily's room, we see Lisa standing at her bedside, talking to her. Outside, Emily's mom is asking Luka whether Emily was huffing. Luka says she wasn't. Mrs. Emily babbles, "I've talked to her about drugs, but you never know." Luka says he doesn't think Emily does drugs. Mrs. Emily says she knew she shouldn't have let Emily go on that field trip. Luka asks why, and Mrs. Emily says simply, "She's been sick." Luka leadingly says that Emily told him she's been throwing up every morning. Mrs. Emily misses the point, and asks whether that could be gallstones, which Mrs. Emily's mother had. Luka asks, "Do you know when was her last period?" Offsides! Mrs. Emily, missing the point, says she doesn't keep track. "She has a boyfriend?" Luka asks. No, no, no. "Is she pregnant?" Mrs. Emily twigs. Luka doesn't answer. Mrs. Emily loses it, muttering, "Oh, that little slut," and storming into Emily's room, demanding, "How could you be so stupid?!" "What?!" snaps Emily. Lisa perceptively figures out their relationship. Mrs. Emily yells, "If you're going to sleep around, you could at least use a condom!" "He didn't want to!" Emily stupids, but she is twelve, so I'll let it slide. I guess. Wait, what the hell am I saying? She's twelve! Who is having sex with a twelve-year-old girl? I know teenage girls mature young these days, but damn. I just meant, at twelve, she hasn't got enough judgment regarding sex not to have sex with a guy who won't wear a condom...but that still takes us back to the fact that she's twelve and having sex. Which is just wrong, I don't care how mature you are. Mrs. Emily asks, "Who is the little bastard? You're getting an abortion!" "I am not!" Emily shoots back. "Yes, you are!" Mrs. Emily screams. Luka and Lisa try unsuccessfully to calm everyone down, but Mrs. Emily is more interested in pursuing the "you can't take care of a baby -- you can't even take care of yourself!" line of argument (which I think is valid, but not if you're screaming it in a girl's face one minute after you found out she's pregnant). "Get her out of here," Emily commands. Luka complies, telling Mrs. Emily, "I need you to step outside." "I need you to mind your own business," Mrs. Emily barks. (Heh.) Emily whines at Luka, "I told you not to tell her! She's a psycho!" As Luka steers her toward the door, Mrs. Emily yells, "She is not leaving here pregnant!" Emily nasals, "Yes, I am! I'm having this baby! And I'm going to be a much better mother than you, you bitch!" Aw. That's sweet!
As Carter holds a stethoscope to his back, Stuart works on a laptop computer. Carter asks if he's doing his homework, and Stuart says "that lady" brought him the computer. Carter asks which lady, and Stuart says, "The really cute one with the curly hair? Works in Pediatrics?" Carter recognizes Rena's description, and then tells Stuart that they found out what triggered his asthma. Stuart anxiously demands, "You didn't tell them I told you?" Carter says he didn't have to, since the punks told them. "They told you, or you asked?" Stuart snaps. Carter says that, either way, it's not going to be a problem. Stuart freaks out: "They think I squealed. I know it! Bo is going to kick the crap out of me!" Without going into specifics, Carter says that Stuart won't have to worry about Bo, and that everything will be all right. Stuart slowly explains, "No. It won't! They saw me naked!" Carter says they only saw him from the waist up. Stuart says that they'll make fun of him forever. Carter pontificates, "I knew a boy who was a little husky ["husky"?!], and he didn't have very many friends, and all the kids used to make fun of him, so he spent most of his time studying. And he went on to college, and he became a surgeon, and at his high-school reunion, he took out a scalpel, and he cut the tongues off of every kid who made fun of him. And that boy's name was Roy Cohn. And now you know...the rest of the story!" Just kidding. Carter stopped after the bit about the tongues. Stuart bitterly asks whether that's supposed to cheer him up. At least the story wasn't about how Carter used to be fat and then he worked out a lot. I have to be thankful for small favours at this point.
OR. Elizabeth and Romano toil over Eddie. It looks like they're almost done, and then Romano finds a hematoma of the duodenum. He announces that Eddie needs a "Whipple." Elizabeth complains that it's a five-hour procedure, and Romano cheerfully offers to call Benton. Elizabeth insists that she'll finish. Romano tells her there's no need for her to torture herself, and Elizabeth says she'll be fine, but she needs a bathroom break. Mimicking her accent, Romano repeats, "'A bahthroom break'?" Elizabeth reminds him that she's seven months pregnant, and Romano tells her she should have considered that before she started. Elizabeth says she'll only be five minutes. Romano tells Shirley to call another scrub tech. Elizabeth says she won't go. Romano tells her to go. Elizabeth says she won't, and then, calmly resuming her work, asks Shirley to crawl between her legs and insert a Foley. Romano, bested, tells her to go. She takes off -- sadly, not doing the classic pee-pee dance.
Stuart, still working the computer, is now flanked by Lipstick and Barrettes and is downloading custom rings onto each of their cell phones. Rena and Carter proudly watch the macking for a moment, and then walk out to the hall, where Carter notes that it's a little late for lunch, and suggests dinner instead. Rena deadpans, "I'll probably grab a Happy Meal on the way home." Carter chuckles that he deserved that: "Now you can forgive me!" Rena's not so sure. Carter wheedles, "You, me, a couple of big steaks?" Rena says she's a vegetarian. "Or brussels sprouts?" he amends. Rena says it's a school night, and when Carter makes a face, she says she was being serious, and that she has a mid-term the day. Carter eagerly offers to help her study. Rena flirts that she'll probably have to pull an all-nighter. Carter asks, "Is that a yes?" Rena is nodding just as Lisa rolls up beside them to get some stuff off a cart beside Carter. Rena asks, "So -- where and when?" Carter, rattled by Lisa's proximity, stammers, "Let me think about it. I'll call you upstairs when I know something a bit more specific." Lisa walks off. Rena leans closer to Carter and accuses, "I thought you were over this age thing!" Carter claims he is. Rena asks what that was about, and Carter, glancing after Lisa, hatches a plan, asking whether Rena knows her. Rena says she doesn't, but that Lisa seems nice. Carter agrees that she is, and lies, "She's always had this thing for me." "You used to go out with her," Rena guesses. Carter, pants ablaze: "You know, she's got some issues, and she gets a little weird around other nurses and stuff, so it's probably best not to let her on [clears throat, corrects himself]...let -- let on about us." Rena seems suspicious. Carter adds, "I'll meet you down here after your shift." Rena nods, and smiles that it sounds like a plan. She leaves. Carter heaves a sigh of relief.
Benton leaves his interview only to be accosted by Chuny, who tells him that, when he has a minute, "the family" (presumably Mrs. Howard's) would like to speak with him. Benton moves along, checking a film. Finch calls his name and tells him that Mrs. Howard's sodium was 172. Benton snaps, "What?" Finch elaborates that she was delirious because of profound dehydration, and asks whether Benton checked her mucous membranes. Dude, who'd ever pass up a chance to check out an old lady's mucous membranes?! Benton says that he checked her abdomen for post-operative complications. "That's it?" Finch asks accusatorily. Benton deflects, "Well, didn't you examine her?" Finch admits, "I shotgunned her labs and gave her to you." Behind Benton's head is a "Stop Autism Now!" poster. Possible shout-out to the people, like the angry parents on the forums, who were bitter about the recent portrayal of the mom who chose not to immunize her kids because she thought the vaccine could cause autism? Finch makes with the what-ifs, saying that if she'd recognized the problem and started an IV -- or even given Mrs. Howard a glass of water -- she might still be alive. Benton reminds her that she shouldn't blame herself, and that it always takes time to make a diagnosis when the ER is busy. Finch says that if she'd rehydrated Mrs. Howard, she wouldn't have grabbed the gun. Benton snaps, "That's no reason for them to shoot her!" Um. What? Mrs. Howard's grabbing the gun wasn't a reason for the cops to shoot her? Finch's failure to rehydrate Mrs. Howard was no excuse for the cops to shoot her? I don't know.
Pan a little to the right, as Mark is preparing a man for a patient he's about to see. Since he's talking about a tube in her mouth, he probably means Laura, and this is probably her husband or boyfriend. "She's not breathing?" asks Mr. Laura. Mark explains that the stroke affected the part of Laura's brain that controls breathing. Mr. Laura asks whether that'll get better, and Mark says they'll have to wait and see. They arrive at Laura's room, and enter; she is, indeed, hooked up to an assload of machines. Mark pulls up a stool and invites Mr. Laura to sit down. Mr. Laura coos, "Laura? It's Greg." He leans forward and kisses her cheek. "I'm right here," Greg (formerly Mr. Laura) breathes, and adds, to Mark, "She's only twenty-three. How could she have a stroke?" The camera pans up on Mark, who is standing stock-still, his hands clasped at his crotch, glaring straight ahead at nothing in particular. What is with this blocking? He's not a Buckingham Palace guard, for christ's sake. Mark says they think the fertility drugs caused a blood clot in Laura's brain. Greg's all, "Fertility drugs? Huh?" Mark clarifies, "The injections." Greg has no idea what Mark's talking about. Mark says that he talked to Laura's gynecologist, and that Laura was trying to be an egg donor to an infertile couple willing to pay $80,000. Greg twigs, and, his voice breaking, explains, "We have this little hardware store. Bills are stacking up, business is down. We're about to file for bankruptcy. I guess she was trying to help." Mark says he's sorry, and seems to mean it. To Laura, Greg chokes, "You didn't have to do this, honey! You didn't have to do this." I'm sorry, but, eighty grand? That's a lot of money for something you're probably not going to use anyway.
Rena shows up at the desk and asks Randi where Carter is. Randi doesn't know, so Rena asks Randi: "Can you tell him I'll be late? There's a new admission to the PICU." Randi, chuckling, says, "No problem," and takes off. Rena notices Lisa sitting at the desk and tentatively approaches her, introducing herself and shaking hands. Rena seriously says, "I hope you don't mind me spending time with John." "Why would I?" Lisa chirps. Rena reluctantly says, "Well, he told me." "Told you what?" Lisa asks. "About you and him?" Rena explains. "Me and him?" Lisa repeats. Rena says, "I just don't want there to be any hard feelings. I understand how some relationships take longer to get over than others." Lisa, getting it: "He told...you we had a relationship?" Rena, so young and naïve, says that she finds Carter's honesty refreshing, and that he's different from other guys. "Oh, yeah," Lisa agrees. "He's special." Heh.
Luka performs an ultrasound on Emily. Emily, however, is not looking at the ultrasound monitor at all, and has a magazine open about an inch away from her face as she reads, "'It's time to explore new places. Even though Taureans cringe at the thought of change, trust what lies ahead is a fantastic, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.'" Luka bites his tongue, but looks pained. Emily sets down the magazine and exclaims, around the gum she's chewing, "That's so perfect!" "What?" Luka asks. "My horoscope. What's your sign?" she asks. Suddenly I'm really curious about that, too. Luka doesn't know. She asks when his birthday is, but instead of answering, he tells her that she appears to be about ten weeks along. She asks when she'll have the baby, and he says it'll be in November. All the best people are born in November. Emily distractedly says that'll be an "early Christmas present," and then holds up a magazine page with a picture of a baby on it and coos, "Ooh, look how cute!" Luka tries, once again, to talk some sense into Emily, by telling her that babies are a lot of responsibility. She claims she knows. He tells her it's hard work getting up in the middle of the night. She claims that it's easy, "if you love them." Ha. No, it's not. Ask a parent. Luka asks how old Mrs. Emily was when Emily was born, and Emily says she was sixteen. Geez, they sure don't have as good a relationship as the mom-at-sixteen on Gilmore Girls. Luka suggests that Mrs. Emily would have been a better mother if she'd waited a little longer before having Emily. Emily snorts, "I'm way more mature than she was at sixteen." Luka sighs, giving up, and says that he's going to send a social worker to speak with Emily. "Good," she enthuses. "I need to sign up." "For what?" Luka asks. "Money!" Emily explains. "When my friend Gina had a baby, she started getting a cheque every month." Luka's jaw drops. Emily, unconcerned, blows a bubble. Ugh, this plot line made me feel sick. I'm not a reactionary, but twelve-year-olds should not have babies. Period.
Outside Laura's trauma room, Mark asks whether there's any word from the OR; Randi says they're still working. I assume he's asking about Elizabeth. Inside the trauma room, Greg is having an animated conversation with a woman I'll presume is Dr. Alexander, because Greg is screaming, "I said no!" Mark enters the room just as Dr. Alexander promises that it'll only take a few minutes, and that they won't harm Laura in any way. Greg commands her to stay the hell away from his wife. Mark introduces himself to Dr. Alexander, and Greg asks Mark to keep her away from Laura. Mark and Dr. Alexander leave the room; in the hall, Mark hisses at her, "What are you doing?" She says that they were discussing Laura's condition. Mark reminds Dr. Alexander that she is only a consultant, and that she should speak to Mark first. Behind them, Greg paces. Dr. Alexander says that she couldn't find Mark, and that she was reviewing Laura's records when Greg walked in. Mark spits, "No, you weren't -- you were twisting his arm because you want to harvest the eggs." Dr. Alexander says she only presented it as an option. Mark declares that Greg will never let Dr. Alexander do it. Dr. Alexander sneers that Laura's already given her consent. I don't really understand why the fertility doctor is being set up as the villain of the piece, but whatever. Mark breathes, "He just lost his wife. Leave him alone." Dr. Alexander comments, "She's going to need a lengthy hospitalization, then round-the-clock home nursing care. That's a tremendous financial burden." "Thanks to your fertility drugs!" Mark hisses. Dr. Alexander doesn't think so: "I've been doing IVF [in-vitro fertilization] for twelve years, and I've never seen this happen. She must have a protein S or an anti-thrombin deficiency." Mark says that those are pretty rare conditions, but Dr. Alexander says they're not as rare as a vascular occlusion from FSH. Mark, after a beat, says that he'll send up the labs. Dr. Alexander -- who has a distractingly prominent Bajoran brow ridge -- says that there's only an hour left to retrieve the eggs, and that it's only a ten-minute procedure that will give Greg and Laura "a nice financial cushion." She asks Mark to try to calm Greg down and convince him to go through with it. Mark promises nothing.
OR. A nurse is holding up a cup of orange juice, the straw disappearing behind Elizabeth's mask as she sips. Elizabeth makes an "okay" noise, and the nurse takes off. Romano tells Elizabeth she should go take a nap, but she replies that she's got her second wind. Romano says it's about time, and she says she's happy to close. Romano doesn't need any more convincing, and takes off. Shirley tells Elizabeth that Mark called again, and that he wants her to call him when she's done. Romano says, "Oh, how sweet. You are one lucky lady." Elizabeth ignores him. Romano leaves. Elizabeth doffs her gown, sits down, gives Shirley some post-op orders, and promises to meet her in Recovery. Shirley says that Eddie's brother's in the waiting room, and asks Elizabeth if she can talk to him. After a moment, Elizabeth agrees. Shirley hands her the chart and leaves. Elizabeth, left alone, leans forward and rests her head on her hand, sighing heavily. Okay, at least in this episode, as opposed to the last one, I could see what her motivation was: she had something specific to prove, and she proved it. Much better writing, and much less annoyingly realized, than Elizabeth's had almost this whole stupid season.
ER. Carter finds Lisa in a supply closet and asks her to update the tetanus on one of his patients. "Sure, why not," Lisa replies briskly. Carter starts to go, but then asks her if she's all right; she says she's "peachy." In a cajoling tone, he asks, "What's wrong?" Lisa deadpans, "I don't know -- maybe I'm still getting over our breakup!" She goes out to the hall as Carter comes around the corner and murmurs, "You talked to Rena!" Lisa smirks. Carter starts babbling: "I'm sorry. I panicked." Lisa chuckles. Carter asks what Lisa said to Rena, and Lisa replies, "Nothing." Carter asks, "No, really." Lisa insists, "Really. Against my better judgment, and everything I hold sacred in life, I covered for you. So, you owe me." Carter thanks her. "Sure," says Lisa, adding, "Also, I told her I dumped you." Carter laughs, "You dumped me? Did she believe you?" Lisa, getting annoyed, grits, "Of course she did. Why wouldn't she?" Carter apparently forgets that he's already picked a horse, and flirts, "It's just...you'd never dump me." Lisa snorts, "I would dump you like a bad habit." They wander down the hall, bantering like Josh and Donna.
Greg strokes Laura's hair. Dr. Alexander harvests some eggs. It's all very tense and sad. And silent, which makes it easy to recap. It feels like this episode was about nine hours long.
We pan from a chest x-ray to a man and a woman sitting in the hall with Benton. I'll assume they're Mrs. Howard's family. Mr. Howard is telling Benton that Mrs. Howard wrote children's books. Ms. Howard shakes her head and says she can't believe this is happening: "She's had dementia for such a long time....Usually, she's forgetful, or thinks she's still living at home, but she's never been agitated or violent." Mr. Howard adds that he can't imagine her fighting with the police. Ms. Howard asks Benton, "So, you're sure it's nothing from the surgery." Benton says he's sure, adding that dementia's a progressive disease and that, over time, there are worsening psychiatric symptoms. Mr. Howard says it's been hard to watch her deteriorate. Benton says that even little things can lead to agitation, like sleep deprivation or a bladder infection, and that they think it was dehydration in Mrs. Howard's case. Mr. Howard asks, "From not drinking enough?" Ms. Howard bitterly says, "I told you, there's too many people at that nursing home. They weren't even giving her water! I never should have moved her out of the house." Mr. Howard puts his arm around Ms. Howard and insists, "It was too much for you." Ms. Howard, her voice breaking a little, insists, "I could have done it! I could have cared for her! I was the one who put her in there." Benton firmly says, "This is not your fault." Ms. Howard presses her lips together and says, "Thank you, Dr. Benton. I know she appreciated your kindness." Benton looks guilty.
Luka, wearing gloves, uses a cotton swab to apply something to the left palm of a sleeping Dr. Dave. Lisa enters and says she's been looking everywhere for him. Luka shushes her. Long story short, Luka was putting an adhesive called Dermabond on Dr. Dave's hand, and then sticks his hand to his forehead. Wah. Lisa and Luka leave, snickering. Dr. Dave snores. Oh, you wacky April Fools.
Rena and Carter, in their coats, make to leave. Mark calls to Carter to "pitch in with some chart reviews." Rena tells Carter it's okay, but Carter tells Mark he promised Rena he'd help her study. "Tutoring?" asks Mark. Heh. Carter deflects by asking Rena, "It's a mid-term, right?" Rena tells Mark "Family Studies" at the same time Carter says, "Psychology." Mark's like, whatever, goodnight, Carter. Mark turns to ask Randi to call the OR again, but Elizabeth comes around the corner, huffing, "Don't bother." They back-and-forth about how long it took, and he helps her onto a bed to save her aching ankles. Randi comes up to tell Elizabeth that her dinner has arrived; she hands Elizabeth a card, and Mark a box of pizza with a pint of ice cream balanced on it. Elizabeth reads: "'Nice work, Mom.' It's from Robert!" Mark suggests that they have someone taste it first. Elizabeth whispers that she's "so hungry." Mark reports that he's holding pepperoni pizza, and product-places the "Cherry Garcia" ice cream. Elizabeth squeals that they should go with the ice cream first. He feeds her some and she exclaims over how good it is. We get it. As they eat, she talks about how crappy her day was, and that she's had an epiphany: "Why do I have to prove that a pregnant surgeon can be competent?" Mark doesn't know. She says that she could operate until the day she delivers, but why should she? She says that she's on maternity leave, effective immediately. God, finally. Mark and Elizabeth kiss. "Happy Together" plays on the soundtrack. Oh, gross.
This episode was brought to you in part by Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. When you've just spent nine hours stitching up the guts of an armed robber, nothing but Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia will do.