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The scene opens in Quark's Bar as Morn -- that taciturn heartbreaker of silent films -- descends stairs and carries a spiky orange flower over to a random unsuspecting Starfleet officer. I guess love is already in the air. The random unsuspecting Starfleet officer still looks unsuspecting and a bit surprised at this floral presentation, but then she kisses Morn on his potato-head cheek, takes his arm, and they stroll off together. So maybe they know each other or something. I am, as most DS9-ers are, quite fascinated by the ever-silent Morn. I especially love it when Quark tells Morn a joke and Morn doesn't get it, or when Quark snaps that Morn was talking his ear off, or when Morn gets darts thrown into that jacket of his that's so puffy he looks as though he's about to summer in Rura Penthe.
From another table, Odo grimaces and Bald and Dangerous Sisko smiles as the Morners move off. Odo asks what Bald and Dangerous Sisko thinks about Keiko and Miles's decision to name their baby "Sean." Bald and Dangerous Sisko shrugs that he likes it until Odo points out that, in Bajoran, "Sean" means "swamp." Sisko thinks someone should tell the O'Briens. "I nominate you," Odo says darkly. Okay...because the O'Briens have historically gotten irrationally violent when people talk to them about baby names? Dax of the Jadzia variety joins them rubbing her neck and sitting down gingerly with her raktajino. She and Worf must've had a late night. "Neck bothering you again?" Odo asks wryly. Dax raises her thick eyebrows and pish-toshes that it's just a muscle pull. Yeah, a muscle pull FROM SEX! "What is that -- the eighth muscle pull this month?" Bald and Dangerous Sisko asks. Why is he keeping track? Odo interjects that he believes that Dax has been treated for seven muscle pulls, two contusions, and three cracked ribs. And where were those contusions? Ew -- I just remembered Braga's interview from Trekkies talking about the shape of the fan-engineered Klingon condoms, so forget I asked. "The only person whose spent more time in the infirmary over the past two weeks is Commander Worf," Odo adds. That's interesting -- Dax is managing to sex-injure Worf more than he her? Our girl is butch! "Isn't there any way the two of you could...um...you know..." B and D Sisko leads. "Make love?" Dax supplies for him. "Without injuring yourselves?" Sisko finishes. Dax grins that the danger element is what makes interspecies romance fun. She then rubs her neck and hopes they will have better luck on Risa. B and D Sisko is surprised because he thought they were vacationing on Earth. "That was his suggestion," Dax smiles, arching an eyebrow. "I changed his mind." And broke two of his horny toes doing it. B and D Sisko snickers that he hopes Risa has a good hospital. Odo and Dax giggle. As much as Odo can giggle. "I can't believe you actually convinced Worf to go to a pleasure planet," B and D Sisko says. "He must really be loosening up." It's all the prune juice. Odo said he hadn't noticed any change, and Sisko realizes he hasn't either. Just then, Worf walks to a nearby replicator and barks, "Prune juice, extra large!" Dax invites Worf and his breakfast to join them. Odo and B and D Sisko try to talk to Worf about his upcoming travel plans, but he's not biting. But that's probably because he's not aroused. Worf tells Dax portentously that they have much to discuss. "About what?" B and D asks, bobbing his head curiously. "It is a private matter," Worf grunts. Dax explains that Worf is annoyed because she had lunch with Cpt. Boday. "The Gallamite?" Odo wonders. "His skull is transparent," Worf says with great distaste. "And if you couldn't see his brains, would it make you feel any better?" Dax wonders. It might make me feel better. Worf and Dax continue in this vein for a bit longer in order to firmly establish Worf's jealousy and Dax's frustration. Odo speaks for all of us when he says, "Well, I can see it's going to be quite a trip," before he and B and D Sisko get up to leave. Once they're gone, Worf gets all annoyed with Dax for discussing their private matters with Odo and Sisko. Dax argues that they're her friends and he needs to stop being so controlling.
DS9: "Let He Who Is Without Sin..."
“ Boy, she's really annoying -- that voice, that face, that prancing step with her hands held at waist level as though she were making fun of a prancing step but really is in earnest, which just makes her even more punchable than I thought possible! ”
At that moment, Bashir and Leeta walk up -- well, Bashir walks up, Leeta wiggles up -- and asks if they can catch a ride to Risa with them. Man, Bashir and Leeta are the LAST people I'd want to go to Risa with. Leeta is SO the type to knock on the hotel room gauze (I don't think they have doors at Risa) bright and early in the morning and want to discuss every little thing that Bashir did to her the night before. And since she does it all in that voice that makes you think she's had five too many helium Mimosas, it's all one can do not to beat her to death with the nearest fertility idol. Worf must agree with me, because he is not overjoyed at the prospect of having them along. He looks wildly at Dax who tries to gently brush off the ride-moochers by saying she and Worf really want to be alone. "Oh, once we get to Risa, you won't even see us," Leeta twitters, brushing her magenta-gauzed body up against Bashir. I swear, she's either a cartoon character or she is Claudia Salinger all grown up. In fact, the resemblance between those two is really quite eerie. Come to think of it -- where has Lacey Chabert been all these years, and are we totally certain Chase Masterson didn't eat her in order to harvest her eternal elfinness and Minnie Mouse voice? ["Well, she was in Mean Girls, so she's alive. If you can call that living." -- Sars] Dax pleads with Worf that there is no harm in sharing a runabout. "I suppose not," Worf huffs, which leads to the unfortunate and ear-splitting reaction of Leeta squealing and throwing her Dabo twirling arms around the Klingon before she wiggles off to pack. Bashir grins and steps forward, one hand on Worf's shoulder: "Commander --" "Do not hug me," Worf growls. BWAH! I love Worf so much. Bashir promises he won't, and swears to keep out of Worf's hair. "Good," Worf says as Bashir walks away, "because we have much to discuss." Dax looks less than thrilled.
B and D Sisko strolls with Dax and Worf down a corridor, reminiscing that he and Dax had some great times together on Risa. Worf snaps a look at him. "Curzon Dax," B and D Sisko clarifies. "Curzon, of course," Worf understands, and steps onto the turbolift after Dax. B and D Sisko tells them to have fun as the doors close, and catches an amused eyebrow raise from Dax. She really is quite lovely. I'm not quite there yet, but I do know that Terry Farrell leaves and I'm so sorry about that -- where did she go? Becker? Man, how the mighty eyebrows are fallen. At the airlock, Quark bleats happily and hops around: "It's about time you got here! The rest of us were ready to leave an hour ago!" Worf, looking like he's about to explode, demands to know what the Ferengi is doing there. Leeta bleats that Quark wouldn't give her the time off unless he got to come along. Bashir says he hopes it isn't going to be a problem. As Worf grabs at his cranial ridges, Quark yelps, "Why should it be a problem? We're going to have a wonderful time! Now, if you don't mind, Risa awaits!" Quark dashes onto the runabout. "Sorry!" Leeta bleats. Boy, she's really annoying -- that voice, that face, that prancing step with her hands held at waist level as though she were making fun of a prancing step but really is in earnest, which just makes her even more punchable than I thought possible! I'll give them this -- they cast a good airhead, but I far preferred Jake's girlfriend Marta as the non-stereotypical Dabo Girl. Bashir and Leeta board, leaving Dax and Worf. "Jadziiiiaaaa," Worf says warningly. Dax pats his shoulder, "I know, I know -- we have much to discuss."
DS9: "Let He Who Is Without Sin..."
“ Whoa -- I'm really worried what Bashir's idea of 'comfortable' is, but I'm even more worried that we're going to see Worf in a Speedo. ”
And now here come the credits with that big chunk of space dust hurtling through the stars. I love it. This is such a great opening -- all the little details on the station, the Galaxy-class starship parked at one of the upper pylons, the little guys in orange space suits making sparks as they work on another pylon, and finally, The Defiant and the opening of the wormhole. It's awesome. What a fucking great series.
Leeta flits around the runabout, passing out a tray of drinks to everyone, including, of course, an extra-large prune juice for Worf. Dax chastises her for serving them when she's supposed to be on vacation. "Oh, it gives me something to do -- space travel is so dull!" she says. Leeta doesn't notice Dax's properly scandalized look as she leans over to Worf, adding, "Have you ever noticed how all the stars look the same?" Worf looks askance at her as Quark trots in to complain that he ordered a hand-squeezed snail juice. Leeta tells him to get it himself and trots over to drape herself on Bashir. Why doesn't she go read a book pad? Quark starts to be all "Are we there yet?" until Worf orders, "Tell the Ferengi to return to his cabin." "You call that a cabin? It's a cot and a waste disposal unit -- it's so small, even I can't stand up in there." Hey, who ever said Star Trek didn't have bathrooms? Dax pleads with Quark to obey the prune-juice-drinking Klingon. "What's he going to do? Turn around and take me home?" "Coming about," Worf says as I spit my wine all over the table, "setting course for Deep Space Nine." Worf's such a dad! Dax grabs Quark's shirt threateningly. Quark admits defeat and says he'll go back to his cabin. "But first, I have a little present for everyone." He digs into his back and hands out small figurines to everyone except to Worf. "What's this?" Leeta asks inanely. "It's a Horga'hn," Bashir explains, thinking this brings his collection to an even dozen, "a Risan fertility symbol." "Displaying one to the locals indicates you're seeking jamaharon," Quark breathes deeply. Why would you be seeking that kid from Head of the Class on Risa? "What's jawaharlal?" Leeta bleats. "I'll show you later," Bashir promises. "Oh!" Leeta cottons on, realizing it's probably some sort of pretty, pretty unicorn picture, and bangs her Whorega-hn against Bashir's, cooing, "Look -- they like each other." I may throw up. "I think I'm gonna be sick," Quark mutters. Hee! Worf twists around to glare at him. Quark retreats, as does Dax. Worf demands to know where she is going. "I'm going to change into something more comfortable -- you don't think I'm going to beam down to Risa dressed like this, do you?" Dax wonders, handing Worf her Whorega-hn. "That's a good idea," Leeta perks, and follows. I didn't think you could get more comfortable than the filmy stuff and leggings she's wearing, but what do I know? "When in Rome," Bashir says to Worf, and follows the girls. Whoa -- I'm really worried what Bashir's idea of "comfortable" is, but I'm even more worried that we're going to see Worf in a Speedo.