I am happy to say that I was wrong on two counts about this episode. First of all, it bore no resemblance to "Schisms," as I feared, and secondly, Daniels did not actually rear his piss-ant time-traveling head. This episode was an improvement over last week and I really have to give Bakula props in his Humans Are Compassionate and Also Very Nice speech. However, don't you think it's a pity that he choked on all that irony? I mean, who is he to lecture on compassion? No, really. No. Really.
Two creatures that we are supposed to think are Mayweather and Reed play chess in the mess. They set up, play a few moves, and Mayweather says stuff like, "You'll win in eight games," and then they start calculating all the possible outcomes. So, really, as soon as I heard Reed calculate "ten to the one-hundred and twenty-third power," I knew something didn't smell right. Actually, there are several things that tip you off that this isn't Mayweather and Reed. First, and most obvious, Mayweather says more than two words. Secondly, they're hanging out -- we really haven't seen these two characters do that in the past. Finally, they're playing chess, and let's face it: no one on this ship (aside from maybe Phlox or T'Pol) are what I would consider mental giants. Seriously. You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. Well, maybe Hoshi.
Orga-Mayweather is surprised anyone bothers with chess since it's so predictable. Orga-Reed looks over at some red stripes getting up from their table and says, "Their average life-span's only about a hundred years -- there's no time to play all the possible games." "Now, that's a really assholish thing to say, even for an alien. Do you know how old you'd have to be to play all the 10^123 possible outcomes? Let's say that you were advanced enough to play one full game per nanosecond -- which these Organians aren't, given that it's taking them a few seconds to predict an outcome and start over -- you'd have to be one googol times as old as the life of the universe. And, as everyone knows, the universe is twenty billion years old. So, yeah. Asshole Organians," the Evil Dr. Mathra fumes. Orga-Mayweather scoffs what a waste the human lifespan is, and Orga-Reed cautions him not to get emotionally involved. "I know the rules," Orga-Mayweather grins, "observation without interference." Orga-Mayweather wonders how the humans will react to what they find on the planet. Orga-Reed explains that that's what they're there to find out, and shrugs that he expects the humans to react the same way other physical species do. "Do you think our hosts will die tonight?" Orga-Mayweather asks. "It's possible," Orga-Reed considers. "For some of the species that have come here -- I've seen the whole crew die. For others, only a few." "But somebody always dies," Orga-Mayweather presses. "Always," Orga-Reed says, and then brightly tells him it's his move. Orga-Mayweather looks like he needs his nappy changed.
Song.
“ Hoshi carries Trip to a bed and asks Phlox if they should start with the bio-gel. Look at her -- she's all eager to get nekkid with Trip! She wants to ease him through his recent breakup. Ew -- I just grossed myself out for no good reason. ”
Hoshi and Trip fly back to the ship in a sh'pod. They've been sifting through a Klingon garbage dump and Hoshi, well, Hoshi's not real happy about it. Trip coughs a bit and comms the ship that they're on their way in. Trip has a coughing fit and falls to the floor. He gasps for Hoshi to take over. Hoshi comms Enterprise and tells them they've got a medical emergency. Quantum asks if Hoshi can bring the sh'pod in. "Yes, sir," Hoshi responds, "at least in simulations." "Slow and steady," Quantum advises. Shut up, Quantum. With Trip hacking up various alveoli on the floor, I don't think that's helpful advice. Quantum orders T'Pol to call Phlox to decon and takes off. Orga-Reed and Orga-Mayweather trade looks.
Decon. Hoshi carries Trip to a bed and asks Phlox if they should start with the bio-gel. Look at her -- she's all eager to get nekkid with Trip! She wants to ease him through his recent breakup. Ew -- I just grossed myself out for no good reason. To Hoshi's libidinal disappointment, Phlox doesn't want them to smear down until they know what they're dealing with. He passes some kits in through a banker's chute and tells them to take blood samples. Hoshi starts coughing and then stares at Trip. She explains, "Before Commander Tucker passed out, he started coughing." Phlox asks if she has any other symptoms. Hoshi coughs some more and runs to the bathroom to vomit. Loudly. Phlox says he'll get them some anti-nausea medicine and leaves with Quantum, confessing that whatever they have isn't showing up on standard scans and that's not good.
Orga-Mayweather and Orga-Reed discuss their observations. According to Orga-Reed, the humans are acting just like the Klingons did when faced with the same situation, and he thinks they might as well stop their observations immediately because the humans as so ho-hum predictable. Orga-Mayweather points out that the humans are showing concern for their crew, just as the Cardassians did. "Ah, but in the end, they killed their infected crew -- just as the Klingons did," Orga-Reed points out. Orga-Mayweather still believes the humans could surprise them. "I've been observing aliens for eight hundred years and I have yet to be surprised," Orga-Reed says, but decides they should follow "protocol" and go on with their observations. And a good thing too, otherwise we wouldn't have this DELIGHTFUL episode. Orga-Reed directs Orga-Mayweather to question the infected ones while he gets info from Phlox.
Decon. Trip primes a Nighttime Sniffling Sneezing Coughing Aching Stuffy Head Fever So You Can Rest Hypo. Orga-Mayweather knocks on the window and says he just wanted to say hi. He wants to know what's in the hypo and how their illness compares to other times they've been sick. Hoshi and Trip give each other "what the fuck is up with Chatterbox?" looks. Trip asks, "Aren't you supposed to be on duty?" Orga-Mayweather's still full of questions. Trip tells him they need to get some sleep, thanks him for stopping by, and firmly pulls the window shade across. Orga-Mayweather is all, "But...aw!" It's kind of a funny scene. Don't get excited, I said "kind of." I still haven't forgiven the show for last week. Right here Trip should've been thinking to himself, "Travis never has that many lines -- that's NOT THE REAL TRAVIS MAYWEATHER!"
“ Keckler: 'I can't believe that after four years of serving together and getting attacked, this is the first we're hearing of her black belt.' Evil Dr. Mathra: 'I can -- this show sucks.' ”
Sickbay. Orga-Reed fakes a headache, and then asks Phlox about Trip and Hoshi's blood tests and how Phlox intends to approach his research. Phlox shoos Orga-Reed out without telling him anything.
Decon. Trip sort of likens their situation to The Andromeda Strain, but Hoshi shows such a lack of interest that he abandons doing anything other than dropping the name. He looks around at Decon and says it reminds him of his dorm at Starfleet Training. "Got into a lot of trouble at ol' STC," Trip says, looking down at his cot. I don't want to know. Hoshi one-ups him: "I got kicked out." Trip boggles at her. Hoshi gets up to get another blanket. Or something. It's not clear because she walks away, only to fidget a bit, then come back with the same blanket that she's trying hard to make sure is continually off one shoulder. "Well, you can't stop there!" Trip drawls in confusion. Hoshi says that in her second month, she had a difference of opinion with the company commander. Trip gazes at her as she fidgets some more. "I broke his arm!" Hoshi finally admits. "Can I ask why?" Trip asks. "Poker," Hoshi says. "You broke his arm playing cards?" Trip says dazedly. Hoshi explains that he tried to shut down a game she was running for recruits and training staff. "Hold on," Trip says, lying down, "you ran a floating poker game at STC?" Hold on, I need to lie down as well. Wasn't there some episode where Hoshi talked about what a perfect student she was? Didn't she say she never got sent to the principal's office? Okay, granted, maybe she was being rebellious at STC (whatever the hell that's supposed to be) but it's a major stretch that not even the most accomplished yogaist could accomplish without pulling major character tendons. Hoshi defends herself that the regulations made gambling dishonorable only if it was going on during duty hours, so she made sure the game was on weekends. "One night, my CC showed up and tried to sweep all the chips of the table and I -- well, I have a black belt in aikido," Hoshi says. "I think he was just upset that I hadn't invited him to play." So, what are they going to try ? Have her smoking a cigar? Not gonna happen, people. Not gonna happen.
Keckler: I can't believe that after four years of serving together and getting attacked, this is the first we're hearing of her black belt.
Evil Dr. Mathra: I can -- this show sucks.
Hoshi says she got a bad conduct discharge, but she ended up on Enterprise because Starfleet needed linguist specialists so badly, they didn't care that she assaulted a superior officer. It might be cool to think that underneath all that first-season squealing and screaming, Hoshi might have a unpredictable violent streak that might cause her to suddenly lash out at Quantum and toss him right on his furrows, sending him into a permanent vegetative state, but, well, there's all that first-season squealing and screaming. Again, I appreciate that they are trying to flesh out these characters and give them depth, but it's kind of stupid to make that fleshy depth incongruous to what we already know. It'd be like Trip suddenly announcing he's from Canada. Or finding out that Reed was a life coach before he joined up. Or that people can actually see Mayweather. Sigh. And you ask why I don't live here? Honey, I think you're really weird.
“ 'We're looking for signs of elevated intelligence in the species we observe,' Orga-Mayweather says. 'Rational intelligence, yes,' Orga-Reed corrects him, 'which Archer has not demonstrated.' You've noticed that too? Can I take that as a shout-out? PLEASE?! ”
Sickbay. Phlox says they're dealing with a highly contagious silicon-based virus. This is a big deal because the planet they were exploring was Class-M and all signs of life should have been carbon-based. Smack! -- of course! I don't know. Whenever I hear that something is carbon-based, I think it's a bad thing until my husband reminds me that's what we are. I really shouldn't be recapping this show, should I? Phlox can't find anything similar to the E. Fauxli virus in the Denobulan database, but postulates that at the going rate, Hoshi and Trip will be dead in five hours. Quantum switches his Concerned Furrow with his Concerned and Now Predicting Grief Furrow. It didn't seem like much was happening, so I turned it off and went to grab another beer. Seems like every time you turn around there's another hard luck story that you're gonna hear.
In the mess, Orga-Mayweather whispers to Orga-Reed that Phlox ID'd the pathogen. Orga-Reed muses, "That happens thirty-seven percent of the time." Orga-Mayweather points out that no one's suggested they abandon the infected crewmembers. "Then this will likely be one of the times when everyone dies," Orga-Reed says, and dips into his orange soup. He takes a mouthful and seems quite pleased with it. That cracked me up for some reason. Maybe because I spent waaaaay too much time editing the master recipe for carrot-ginger soup today and I wondered if Orga-Reed opted for the chipotle garnish. Orga-Mayweather looks either angry, or concerned, or slightly like a plotting psychotic here.
Quantum visits Decon and beeps them. "Travis," comes Trip's exhausted voice, "if that's you again..." Heh -- even he thinks Mayweather's had more than enough lines this episode. Quantum identifies himself, and Trip slides back the window. Quantum's taken aback by how sweaty and grey Trip looks. Quantum tells Trip that Phlox has identified the silicon-based virus and is working on a cure with T'Pol. Quantum blows more furrowed sunshine up Trip's Southern ass, but Trip says he remembers his Exobiology 101: "Our immune system can't fight silicon." "Don't you give up on me," Quantum nearly sobs, and tells him to get some rest. Trip nods and staggers back to bed. Quantum needs a tissue, because he aches just like a woman but he breaks just like a little girl.
"We're looking for signs of elevated intelligence in the species we observe," Orga-Mayweather says. "Rational intelligence, yes," Orga-Reed corrects him, "which Archer has not demonstrated." You've noticed that too? Can I take that as a shout-out? PLEASE?! The two superior beings argue about whether Quantum understands the gravity of the situation or whether he's just a stand-by-his-crew kind of guy. "There's a way to be sure," Orga-Mayweather suggests. Orga-Reed says, "We chose the Helmsman and the Armory Officer for good reason -- they both are stationed on the Bridge, yet neither plays a critical role in a medical emergency." Drop "in a medical emergency" and you've got Mayweather's CV. Orga-Mayweather suggests they squat in Phlox and T'Pol so they can observe Quantum's decision making up close. Man, are they going to be bored! Orga-Reed is reluctant, because he thinks they could end up interfering, but is finally convinced. I've got a question -- where are Mayweather and Reed's consciousnesses when all this is going on? I know we learn later that the Organians clean up with a memory wipe, but what about all the lost hours? Do they invent memories for them to have? And what if they had duties to perform during all this time and they didn't get done -- how would they explain that?
“ Orga-T'Pol and Orga-Phlox leave. Trip thinks that both of them showing up means there's no hope for them. Poor Trip. Poor, stupid, screwy Trip. ”
Decon. Hoshi and Trip discuss how they are both jealous of the other's abilities. Hoshi wishes she could be MacGyver and Trip wishes he had Hoshi's many tongues. Hoshi asks if Trip has always been good with building things, and Trip tells a story about removing all the screws from their dining room table on Thanksgiving. "It was so old, the wood sort of stuck together so it stayed standing. Until m'dad put the turkey down," Trip finishes, and says he spent the month in his room. Hoshi laughs and asks how old he was. "Oh, twenty-four, twenty-five," Trip grins. Wait. Wait. His parents grounded a twenty-five-year-old? That's even more embarrassing than the fact he was so stupid when he was old enough to rent a car! Hoshi looks up to see T'Pol and Phlox just standing outside the Decon window staring at them. It was a funny cut. They're just there. All interested. "How long have they been standing there?" Trip whispers. He's all worried that T'Pol heard what a freak he was just five years ago. Orga-T'Pol and Orga-Phlox ask the usual Organian questions: how are they feeling, what are they thinking, et cetera. Trip tells them they'd feel a lot better if they two of them were off whipping up a cure. Orga-T'Pol and Orga-Phlox leave. Trip thinks that both of them showing up means there's no hope for them. Poor Trip. Poor, stupid, screwy Trip.
Orga-Phlox thinks Hoshi and Trip are brave the way they're facing death. Orga-T'Pol says, "Their courage isn't at [sic] question -- their intelligence is." It turns out the Organians use this infected planet as a way to determine if a species is intelligent enough to handle first contact with them. Orga-Phlox thinks it's an unfair test, and that things other than intelligence should be considered. Orga-T'Pol says it's not up to them to change how things have been done for ten thousand years, which means, of course, that it is.
Quantum tells Reed that the virus came via a meteorite that hit near the Klingon camp. He tells him to call Starfleet and find out what Klingon ship was exploring that planet and whether or not they found a cure.
Sickbay. Orga-Phlox announces that the tests his host is waiting for have arrived. Orga-T'Pol says they should leave "these creatures" to their work. Orga-Phlox looks up and says, "The Helmsman and Armory Officer are back on the Bridge."
On the Bridge, Orga-Reed and Orga-Mayweather exchange significant looks.
Sickbay. T'Pol suggests a radiation treatment, and Phlox gets to work on it.
“ Phlox orders Trip to set the hypospray for three cups of Nyquil. Trip staggers back to look at the comm screen. 'That could drop a horse,' Trip says. Only if it's the green stuff. The red stuff is nummy. ”
Decon. Hoshi speaks in tongues in her sleep. Trip shakes her awake and tells her she was having a bad dream. Hoshi mutters that she dreamt she was back in Brazil. She never got a chance to say goodbye to her students. Now, how did that happen? Quantum does recruit her right in the middle of her class, but are you telling me he's such an asshole that he wouldn't even let her go back to her students and say anything? Not even "class dismissed and by the way, I'm off to outer space"? Idiot wind. It's a wonder he can even feed himself. Trip promises that she will see them again. Didn't she see them last time they were home on Earth? She could've said goodbye then and also handed back their homework. Oh, y'all, I just reread the series premiere -- I was so innocent back then! Now I'm just a dried-up, bitter old hull -- sort of like Sandra Lee. But with less non-dairy whipped topping.
Quantum's findings, as he explains them to Orga-Mayweather and Orga-Reed (who are acting far too intelligent for their hosts), is that the Klingon commander destroyed the sh'pod with the infected crew. "They didn't even plead for mercy," Orga-Reed muses, and when Quantum furrows at him, he amends, "I mean, they wouldn't, would they? Being Klingon." Orga-Mayweather asks if this information helps them at all, and Quantum says it means they don't have to bother asking the Klingons for a cure. "But if they had one, you'd ask them for it -- wouldn't you?" Orga-Mayweather asks. Quantum considers him: "On bended knee." No, no, no! You mean "on bended furrow," don't you? The Organians file this bit of information away to not use the time they encounter humans and Klingons together.
Decon. Hoshi speaks Spanish as she tries to open the Decon door. Trip tells her tiredly that they're in quarantine for a reason. She yells at him in Klingon and continues to punch numbers on the code door. "I have no idea what you're saying, but you can't break the lockout code," Trip tells her. "Math is just another language," Hoshi says, and opens the door. The alarm blares. Hoshi runs out.
Bridge. Orga-Reed reports the quarantine breach on D-deck and announces that Decon has been unsealed. He looks at Orga-Mayweather as he says this, who looksturned on by the news?
Trip wearily leans against a wall as Hoshi goes on walkabout.
Hoshi and her blanket continue to make their way through corridors, overriding locks. Orga-Reed reports this on the Bridge. Quantum orders all power to D-Deck shut down: "I want those doors sealed!" As Hoshi stands in a corridor, segment by segment, the lights go out behind her. It's a cool effect. She's illuminated in red emergency light. Trip finally staggers forth to drag her back from the airlock, which she is currently trying to open. Hoshi tries to smack Trip around with her black belt but finally collapses against him because it's really only a green. Trip says the captain won't let them down, and leads her back to Decon. Trip comms that they're back in Decon. From Sickbay, Phlox orders Trip to set the hypospray for three cups of Nyquil. Trip staggers back to look at the comm screen. "That could drop a horse," Trip says. Only if it's the green stuff. The red stuff is nummy. Quantum says they can't risk Hoshi wandering off again. "Especially," he adds wryly, "since it seems she can override every security safeguard on Enterprise." Trip agrees and drugs Hoshi, who collapses onto her pillow. "It's your turn, Trip," Quantum says. Trip argues a bit but finally gives in. But before he does, he looks over at Hoshi and says he's wondering if either of them will wake up again. He drugs himself and staggers over to a cot.