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After relatively little deliberation, the Xindi decide to stop beating up Quantum and return him to his ship in a body bag. Well, it's not exactly a body bag, as UPN would have had us think all week, it's more a body pod. At any rate, he's alive, okay? Right, so then they run into these other aliens who aren't as hard up for walls, floors, and ceilings as the crew of the Enterprise are, but the aliens, though fairly nice, won't help them out, see? So, Quantum debates and debates and decides to relieve the aliens of their warp coil so he can rendez-vous with their new BFF Degra. Meanwhile, T'Pol is playing the crack whore fairly convincingly as she risks life and logic for a hit of the Trellium-D she's been free-basing since God knows when. Phlox puts her on a detox program and promises not to tattle to the captain. In other news, Mayweather and Hoshi have nice so-brief-if-you-breathe-you'll-miss-it moment in which they discuss piano lessons; Reed and Trip play back-up guitar; and T'Pol has a weird wet dream about Trip. And by wet dream, I mean that they're actually in a shower. Getting wet. But it's hot, so it's wet in that way, too. Reportedly. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Enterprise, T'Pol freaks out, Quantum sacrifices himself for the cheese grater good, and the ship looks like a piece of Emmenthaler.Hey, they're picking up exactly where they left off -- that's pretty cool. Basically, the ship is still falling apart. There's smoke, fire, and a mess I wouldn't want to clean up. Just as Reed screams, "We cahn't take much more of this!" they don't. The firing stops, and the attacking ships bug out of their airspace. Ironically, Enterprise can't do the same because their thrusters are down.
I laugh in a very sinister way at the thought of Sara M handling this song week.
The Xindi yell at each other. Again. Some more. Snake Eyes is pissed that Degra, the other Mr. Man, and Three-Toed called off the attack on Enterprise. They argue. Degra wants Quantum released so the Xindi of the Round Table can question him later. Snake Eyes isn't so keen on that. Degra wins. Snake Eyes offers to escort Quantum home. Degra isn't so keen on that. They argue. Three-Toed lets it be known that the Xindi of the Round Table want the Aquamen to transport Quantum. And just how are they going to do that, exactly? Won't they drown him? Or suffocate themselves?
I see a few names here in the credits -- David A. Goodman and Chris Black -- who aren't there any more, according to my TrekThroat. It's sad.
A small vessel flies over Enterprise. Is that Quantum already?
Inside the wreck of the Hesperus, Reed tells T'Pol everything that's wrong. I see -- that was a sh'pod, checking out the damage. Makes sense. The destroyed corridors are dark, lit only by the sparks from constant welding. They're basically up a certain creek without a certain instrument. In Engineering, more bad news: the primary warp coil is fried like all of Trip's favorite foods and has to be rebuilt from scratch. Aw, come on, get Sandra Lee in there and I'm sure she could whip up a Semi-Homemade warp coil. With glitter! On a fondant-smeared tablescape! And in the background, she'd have a KitchenAid mixer the color of warp that never gets used! Sadly, without Wal-Martha Stewart, the rebuild would take three weeks if they had the parts. Which they don't. And there's not even a Michael's nearby! Trip says he'll get to work on fixing the impulse engines as long as T'Pol can assign some more hands to Engineering. Something catches fire; it gets put out. Trip doesn't think Engineering's the safest place to be. "Indeed, we've already lost one captain today," Reed agrees as he escorts T'Pol out. Aw, he's like her bodyguard.
A bloody Quantum comes to on the floor somewhere. He looks out a glass window into yellow (yellow?!) water. Maybe the Aquamen need to get a sign made that says, "Welcome to our OOL. Notice there's no 'P' in it." He bangs on the glass. Dude, you're not supposed to do that! It gives them, like, headaches, or something. An Aquaman swims into view. Now he's gonna get it. Quantum wants to know what's going on. Aquaman pushes a button on his side of the window. Quantum collapses back into unconsciousness. See? Idiot.
Bridge. Reed reports that they've regained emergency power, and says they'll have phase cannons "in about an hour." Just like Lenscrafters. T'Pol orders him to do stuff. A signal comes in that an unarmed, one-man vessel is approaching. Reed reads one bio-sign. "Oh, just shoot it," the Evil Dr. Mathra suggests. T'Pol orders it brought in. Hoshi, her hair mussed and down, looks concerned.
Sh'bay. A security team trains guns on the pod as Reed and T'Pol crack it open. It's Quantum. Big surprise there.
Sickbay. Chaos. Wounded. Hawkeye cracks jokes and then cries. Wait, wrong show. Still, chaos and wounded, though. Phlox examines a now-conscious Quantum. Ignoring Phlox's diagnosis of his multiple bruises, Quantum growls, "How many have we lost?" Phlox hands over his e-pad: "Fourteen. Three are unaccounted for." Quantum orders him not to waste time on him. How passive-aggressive: "Don't waste time on meeee, I'll just sit over here in the corner and quietly bleed all over the place." Phlox nods, says it's good to see him again, and walks away. T'Pol holds out the damage report and says they'll have impulse in six hours. Quantum walks over to stare at three body bags on the floor. Dude, I didn't see that the first two times I watched. Nice gravitas. T'Pol continues with her report. Quantum wants his transport pod analyzed. They agree it's aquatic-made. Yup, you can tell that from the watermark on the hull. Sorry. T'Pol wonders why they released him. Quantum doesn't know, but thinks he got through to Degra. Quantum grabs at his ribs (I guess?) in pain, so T'Pol hands him a towel. I don't really know why he would need that on his ribs. It's really only to show Quantum the Vulcan's shaky hands. Quantum grasps her hand and asks if she's okay. "I'm fine," she trembles, and goes to help Reed.
In the half-lit corridors of destruction, T'Pol seems to be buggin'. Everything she sees is as though she's looking through an apartment peephole. Ditto for how we see her. I love how that sort of filming is supposed to get "freaking the hell out" or "drug-induced something-or-other" across. It even worked in Jumpin' Jack Flash when Whoopi busted into Elizabeth Arden. However, that happens to be one of my favorite movie scenes. The voices are all slowed down like when your Walkman starts running out of batteries. Remember Walkmans? Or would that be Walk-men? Regardless, with iPods, you have no warning you're running low on juice unless you put on quadfocals and squint through one eye at the eensy-weensy battery graphic. T'Pol stumbles into her room, falls into her bathroom, and shakily splashes water on her face. I'm really pissed they didn't make this about her Pa'nar Syndrome.
Enterprise gimps through the sky.
Situation room. The senior staff discuss why Quantum was released. The view from his quarters is most likely blocked by bulkheads, so Quantum turns the camera lens into his new Weight of the World Window and broods. Quantum stalks around and stiffly tells them about the Xindi infighting. Reed suggests they hide behind a dust cloud. Seriously, he does. T'Pol agrees with the technobabble safety of said dust cloud. Engineering comms them to say that they're picking up a surge in the EPS grid on their deck. There's a high whine, and stuff explodes. Rocks fall. The senior staff hits the floor. They can get to the dust cloud in three days. Course is set. Trip wonders why they aren't searching for the Weapon of Striped Bass Destruction, and Quantum tells him they have to get themselves patched up before they can worry about it.
Sh'bay. May-Still-Alive examines the aquapod. Hoshi listens to whale songs and tries to decipher them, bitching all the way. Hey, do you think the Aquamen are the ones who sent that volleyball to San Francisco looking for whales? Duuude, that would be AWESOME! I loved the sound of that probe: "Whonk, whonk, whonk." I'm unashamed about how much that movie makes me laugh. May-Still-Alive is still counting his blessings that the hiatus didn't replace him with a jar of Folgers crystals to see if any of us noticed, and comments that it almost sounds like music. The camera tightens up on Hoshi as she looks a shade more pissed than bored, and sulks that her mother always wanted her to take piano lessons: "I should've listened to her." May-Still-Alive says, "It's never too late. You can start when we get home. We're getting home." You go, Mr. Sunny Side of the Street! Hoshi doesn't respond. Because she's bored.
Trip wonders if they can really trust Degra; Quantum thinks they can. More explosions as something Trip fixed proves that he didn't. T'Pol comms that an unidentified vessel is approaching, and it sent out a comm that they need help. They've taken heavy damage. Quantum orders an intercept course. "Maybe we can help each other," he furrows. Do you think, at the end of a really long day of filming, that Bakula needs a brow massage? I want to know.
Bridge. Quantum comms the unidentified ship and tells them they'll try to help.
The ships dock together.
The alien captain walks through a destroyed Enterprise corridor and says they were studying a red giant and weren't prepared for the spatial anomalies. Quantum explains that their own messed-up state has nothing to do with the anomalies, and more to do with a race that wants them dead. Capt. Alien has never heard of Xindi, but he has heard of Trellium-D. Quantum tells him they have sixty kilos of the stuff in their cargo bay and should work out a trade. Capt. Alien says they can spare some plasma injectors or anti-matter. Quantum wants a warp coil. Capt. Alien won't play that. Quantum brings new technology to the table. Capt. Alien isn't interested, since without one of their warp coils, the journey home would take three years and they're not equipped for a voyage of that length. Wah. In weird looping, Quantum rants about the Xindi killing seven million people and how he has to stop them. Capt. Stingy Alien won't jeopardize the lives of his crew. Can't say I blame him, because I don't think Quantum would jeopardize his crew either.
The alien ship undocks from Enterprise and flies off.
T'Pol showers. Trip comes up behind her. Oh, Lord -- are you serious with this stuff? This season's shower is yester-season's Decon. Although it's been more like this season's Neural Node Nudging is yester-season's Decon, but still -- are you SERIOUS with this stuff? Trip rubs T'Pol's scrawny neck, being very careful to avoid the sharp bone jutting out of the back. T'Pol turns around. Trip's neck is anything but scrawny -- I think he needs to lay off the fried stuff with cheese. They mack. We get a foot shot as T'Pol stands on her toes. I don't even want to KNOW! I know this is supposed to be sexy, but all I could think of was, "Ooh, soap in bad places!" They mack harder. T'Pol grunts and throws Trip against the wall. Warning: rough-housing in the shower could lead to slip-and-fall injuries. Have you been injured in a slip-and-fall accident when your lover threw you across the shower? Call James Sokolov. T'Pol climbs all over him. Trip starts to look concerned at her intensity, and pushes her back. Now we see that T'Pol's turning into a Vulcansnatcher -- complete with green skin and warts. She strangles Trip. Girl, you're doing my job! In bed, a non-warty T'Pol gasps awake. Like that was a surprise. She sits on the edge of her bed and rocks herself.
The scene has her suiting up in an EV suit and creeping through the corridors to a storage bay. Not everyone sleeps all at the same time -- why isn't there anyone working in these corridors? They're not going to repair themselves. T'Pol starts to climb down some crates, but her excessive DTs make her fall down. Crates fall on top of her. Ouchy-ouchy boo-boo! Considering how her neck bounced in the helmet, I'm really astounded she didn't break it against the collar. In all of this, T'Pol manages to pull out one of her air tubes. She gasps, flails, gasps, flails, and finally sticks the thing back in. She gasps some more before looking around and tearing open a crate. Pulling out some tubes, in which there are more, smaller tubes, T'Pol finds what she's looking for. Rocks. As in crack -- geddit? Are you sure? Are you? I don't think you can be, otherwise this anvil of Oh My God We Have to Make The Viewers Understand Our Drug Addiction Theme If It Takes The Last Breath From Our Twisted Bodies would not be spamming my inbox. Looking at the rocks, T'Pol relaxes as if she's already taken several hits.
Back in her quarters, we get a close-up of a CRACK PIPE. I know this because I just got another email that had the subject line: "It may not be glass, and it may not be enclosed, but there is no doubt that it is a CRACK PIPE." T'Pol sticks a rock in the pipe and puts it in some device that melts it with a laser and loads it into the inhaling part of the CRACK PIPE. She pulls the CRACK PIPE out, unscrews the loaded part, and inserts into a hypospray that she must've boosted from Phlox. Because, since she's a CRACK WHORE, she also steals. She takes a hit and gets high.
May-Still-Alive and Hoshi update Quantum on data from the aquapod. Hoshi found a hidden document from an engineer asking his supervisors for additional parts. She hands the translation over to Quantum. Quantum reads it and realizes that the names of the "supervisors" are the same as Degra's kids.
Stella Cartography. T'Pol has uncovered coordinates embedded in Degra's secret document, and she puts them up on the monitor. She also found a stardate for three days hence. The coordinates are four light years away, and without warp, they won't make it in time. Added to that is Degra's impatience -- according to Quantum, he won't wait beyond the three days. Hold on -- after all that fighting with the Snake Eyes ships, don't you think Degra would know that the Snake Eyes took out Enterprise's warp engine? Degra may be coming around to their side of the story, but I'm not convinced that's a good thing, given how dumb he's appearing.
Quantum sits in the dark of his Ready Room. I know they're in the middle of lots of issues, but who would it hurt to take a broom to that floor? It's dangerous for, oh, I don't know, a quadruped who doesn't wear shoes, has soft paw pads, and might cut his feet on all that crap? There's a knock. Quantum doesn't say anything. Phlox manually opens the door with Porthos in his arms. Man, I know I'm quite relieved that the pup survived, but Quantum doesn't even react. Ass. Phlox reports more discharges from Sickbay. It's hard to tell in the gloom, but I think Quantum is holding Porthos now. Okay, I rewound -- he's not holding him, he's holding a piece of bulkhead. Ass. Quantum moroses, "It's hard to imagine that we'll ever get this ship back to the way it was." Phlox says brightly that it's a simple matter of repairs, but when Quantum glowers at him, Phlox amends, "Well, perhaps not that simple." Phlox divines that it's not the broken ship that's really troubling his captain. Quantum throws the piece of bulkhead aside. Definitely not Porthos -- Porthos doesn't get even that much attention from him. Ass. In a slowly drawn-out wondering, Quantum wants to know if Phlox did anything unethical in his forty years of doctoring. Well, yes, when YOU MADE HIM! ASS. "Why?" Phlox asks. "I'm about to step over a line. A line I thought I'd never cross," Quantum says. You're going to extract the giant redwood from your ass? You're going to flat-iron your forehead? You're going to acknowledge that you have a puppy dog who loves you and is sorely in need of affection? Quantum goes on that it probably won't be the last time he steps over that line. Oh, my hopes, they are rising. Phlox asks what he's planning on doing, but instead of answering, Quantum just tells him there are going to be more casualties. Phlox says he'll be ready. Quantum manages to find and stare out of his WOTWW.
In Engineering, Quantum orders Reed to put together an armed boarding party, because they are going to ambush the Stingy Ship they docked with. Reed doesn't get it. Quantum whirls on Reed, saying, "We need their warp coil. They won't give it to us, so we're going to TAKE it!" Reed stands there, wondering if his entire lip gloss supply was destroyed in the firefight. Quantum starts to leave. "Captain --" Reed starts. "Get your men together!" Quantum barks.
Some of the Xindi of the Round Table consult with a metallic-voiced alien, who seems to be having trouble with her antenna as she keeps fading in and out of view. She's pretty much the Borg Queen with a slightly less grey complexion. Or Odo. Or that thing at the end of "The Chase" who looked suspiciously like Odo. Whatever. It turns out she's the one who gave Snake Eyes the capability to time-travel to Detroit to concoct a bio-weapon. She argues that she did it to hold the Xindi of the Round Table together. I'm SO not interested in Xindi politics -- get ON with it! Borgish Queen reminds us that the three Snake Eyes that built the weapon were never found. Degra wants to know if it's true that her species built the spheres. Borgish Queen gets all affronted at this line of questioning and tells them their task is to destroy the humans. After ordering them not to summon her again without the entire Round Table present, Borgish Queen orbs out. Degra and the other Mr. Man argue whether they should trust Quantum over her. Bleh -- bored.
Situation Room. The senior officers plan the attack on the Stingy Ship. Trip reports that they can't just beam the coil out -- he has to uncouple it by hand first. T'Pol wants to negotiate. Quantum doesn't. They set a course. T'Pol wants a word. Quantum doesn't. She follows him anyway. They argue. T'Pol says they're no different from the marauders who attacked them when they first entered The Expanse. Quantum slams his door. Hee -- the effect is lessened with the excessive tugging needed to achieve the slam. "We're a lot different," he insists. "We could be condemning them to death!" T'Pol quavers. Quantum shoves an e-pad in her face and says they are going to be leaving a supply of Trellium-D along with some food. Oh, see, that's why T'Pol doesn't want them to do this -- it will cut into her stash! More arguing. Finally, Quantum says, "We can debate this all day -- I've made my decision." "'We can't save humanity without holding onto what makes us human,'" T'Pol quotes back to Quantum. I can't BELIEVE she's throwing that Havarti back in his face! That's awesome! Quantum's well-aware of his cheese-colored glasses, and says he's not going to make a habit of flying the Jolly Roger. "Once you rationalize the first misstep, it's easy to fall into a pattern of behavior," T'Pol insists. The Spamming Anvil send another doozy into my inbox: "SHE HAS A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR TOO! PENIS ENLARGEMENT ATTACHED." Wait, those were two separate spams. Quantum says they don't have a choice. "I WON'T LET YOU DO IT!" T'Pol screams, and slams the e-pad on Quantum's desk. It shatters in slow motion. That's 7 of 9 years of bad luck. "We've had our share of disagreements, but you've never taken it out on my desk before," Quantum says mildly. T'Pol apologizes. "What's happening to you?" Quantum wonders. T'Pol looks tearful, as though she might confess her CRACK WHOREDOM to Quantum, but she looks down and says it's been a difficult few days and she hasn't had time to meditate. "Maybe you should make the time," Quantum says. Like, when, Capt. Buttmunch? When you're off being a pirate, leaving her to mind the Bridge? T'Pol says she didn't mean what she said. Quantum's glad to hear it, and says he's going to be leading the boarding party: "There's no margin for error [he grips her shoulders] -- if we don't do this right, people are going to die." He needs her on the Bridge. T'Pol gets it.
Sickbay. A woman with a severely burned face lies in a bed, looking remarkably like Jeri Ryan. T'Pol tries to get Phlox's attention. He tells her he'll be with her in a minute, but she grabs his arm and gasps. That gets his attention. Phlox scans her and wants to know how long she's been a CRACK WHORE. Three months. And it's not for any logical reason as one might assume -- like attempting to immunize herself against Trellium-D, so the hull could be fortified with it, or relief from her Pa'nar Syndrome symptoms -- oh no, it's much, much stupider! After her first exposure to the Trellium, she discovered that it made her emotional and she wanted to EXPLORE THOSE EMOTIONS! If I were Blalock, I'd be pissed that I was being made to play the exact same character as Braga's Semi-Borgmade girlfriend. T'Pol explains her After School Special: she started small, got addicted, kept going, can't stop. Brain kills Trellium cells. "Do you think this episode counts towards UPN's PSA money?" the Evil Dr. Mathra asks. T'Pol goes on that her interactions with the crew improved. "Commander Tucker, for example," Phlox points out. Ahem. T'Pol realizes she was addicted two days ago when she became agitated, had wet dreams, and nearly died when she raided the canisters in the cargo bay. Phlox gives her an injection that will stabilize her neural pathways, and adds, "But the withdrawal symptoms will return in a few days. It's going to take some time." "I understand," T'Pol says. "Now, here's the soundtrack from Trainspotting, there's a great Lou Reed track on it, " the Evil Dr. Mathra pipes up. Quantum comm-orders T'Pol to the Bridge. Phlox thinks she should stay there for observation. "I have to go, the Captain needs me," T'Pol whines. "I expect you to report back here at the first sign of trouble," Phlox orders. T'Pol leaves after asking about doctor-patient confidentiality. "This is between you and your doctor," Phlox promises. And all the crew in Sickbay, who are just pretending to be asleep or maimed.
Bridge. T'Pol wishes Quantum luck. Quantum looks around at everyone and leaves. Reaction shots.
Enterprise closes in on the Stingy Ship.
Capt. Stingy talks repairs and gets word that Enterprise is approaching and not responding to hails.
Bridge. They draw up and fire at the Stingy Ship's propulsion systems. Stingy Ship's warp drive is offline, and they start to fire back. "Energize!" T'Pol tells the transporter room.
Quantum and Qrew beam over and fire their phasers at people.
Firefight between ships.
Firefight on ship.
In slo-mo, a stun grenade is tossed at more Stingy Aliens. Trip and an Uh-Oh climb a Jeffries-type tube.
Reed reports that the Stingy Ship's weapons are at fifty percent. Hoshi reports a hull breach on E-Deck. Horrors -- that's where the Trellium-D is stored! Enterprise's port thrusters are off-line. Reed squawks that they have to take out Stingy Ship's weapons. "WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM DEFENSELESS," T'Pol shrieks. Reed argues. "IT'S THE CAPTAIN'S ORDERS!" T'Pol CRACK WHORES.
Trip tries to work on the warp coil, but gets thrown back by a force-field. Uh, oops?
More shooting, outside ship and in.
Trip comms Quantum about the "snag."
Stingy Ship targets one of Enterprise's nacelles. T'Pol orders evasive maneuvers and comms Quantum. Quantum explains about the "snag."
Trip fiddles and tells the Uh-Oh to "Try it now." The Uh-Oh looks skeptical and slowly reaches out his hand. Zyyong! Force-field's still up. The Uh-Oh looks annoyed with Trip. Hee -- I feel you, Uh-Oh.
Firefights in the corridors of the Stingy Ship. A female Uh-Oh, Parsons, is hit. She gets beamed out. Or at least I think she gets beamed out. T'Pol gives that order to Reed, but then they are sidetracked by venting atmosphere on C-Deck. T'Pol looks upset. "T'POL!" Reed shouts. T'Pol calls up a schematic of Stingy Ship and tells Reed where to stick his torpedoes. It takes out a power source on Stingy Ship.
Quantum looks around as everything goes dark. The force-field drops as well. Whaddaya know, CRACK WHORE came through. With flashlights, Trip and the Uh-Oh get to work on uncoupling the warp coil.
More shooting in corridors.
Trip, Uh-Oh, and warp coil appear in the transporter alcove. T'Pol reports this to Quantum. Quantum and his team fall back and come face-to-face with Capt. Stingy. Man, I knew we couldn't just finish this without excessive talking! "What you can't have you take by force?" Capt. Stingy states. Quantum tells him they beamed over three containers of Trellium and other supplies as compensation. Capt. Stingy wants to know why they are stranding them three years from home. "Because I have no choice," Quantum says. They leap out.
Enterprise flies away.
T'Pol's quarters look remarkably cleaned up now. Phlox sits while T'Pol paces, clutching a teacup. She doesn't know why she asked him to come see her. Phlox thinks she needed some company. T'Pol's surprised that, even without the Trellium, she's still having trouble suppressing her emotions. "It's not surprising that there are some residual effects -- they're probably temporary," Phlox says. And with that "probably," the writers have now given us a Vulcan who will have emotional outbursts forever. "And if they're not?" T'Pol wonders. "Then you'll learn to cope with them," Phlox says. "I'm not certain I can," T'Pol says. I'm certain I CAN'T! "I'm --" T'Pol starts. "Afraid?" Phlox asks. "Vulcans don't experience fear," T'Pol mutters. They do when they're CRACK WHORES. Phlox begs her to have patience.
Engineering. "A few tweaks and it fit right in," Trip says. How convenient that all warp coils are like Legos. At this point, they can only go warp three-point-two, but it will get them to Degra in time. Quantum steps down the ladder heavily. "Yew did the righ' thang," Trip tells him. "Seems the longer we're out here, the more I have to keep saying that to myself," Quantum bitches. "Those pee-pol will be okay -- they'll git home," Trip says. Quantum looks unconvinced, and comm-orders Reed to take them to maximum warp.
week: The illustrious Sara M recaps, so I can hang with my family. Be nice or pay the price. Thank you, Sara M, and my deepest apologies for exposing you to this. Come on up to SF and I'll cook for you express my gratitude. Gratitude, joy and gratitude.