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At long last, Quantum and Qrew arrive at the Red Giant that reportedly has the Weapon of Sunday Mass Destruction ferreted away somewhere. After practicing for a few hours in a cargo bay, Trip and Mayweather use the newly-acquired Bug House shuttle to poke around the Red Giant for the WSMD. They find it in an ocean and scan it. Back on the ship, Quantum determines that they will use the Bug House shuttle to go back in and destroy the underwater weapon. However, the resulting explosion will take out everything around it. Quantum decides he's going to be the one to pilot this suicide mission. Daniels, the Future Boy, pulls Quantum onto Enterprise NCC 1701-J and tells him that he can't go on that mission, instead he has to make nice-nice with the Xindi in order to save everyone. Daniels even dangles the Federation tantalizingly in front of Quantum but doesn't tell him too much other than that the Sphere Builders are the Big Bad now and the reason why the Xindi hate humans so much. Quantum decides not to listen to Daniels and continues on with his suicide mission. T'Pol gets upset and cries out the Weight of the World Window that now belongs to her. Quantum's suicide mission is unsuccessful. When he gets reaches the weapon's spider hole, it's gone and he's apprehended and questioned by Snake Eyes. Refusing to talk to anyone except Degra, Quantum bleeds and insults Snake Eyes by telling him that humans eat turtles. Degra is brought in and starts to see Quantum's side of things, but the Snake Eyes have already engaged Enterprise in a crippling battle. And that's the way it ends. No "To be Continued" or anything, just T'Pol's crazed eyes staring out of the darkness and smoke of the massacred Bridge. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Why the title? Because the Evil Dr. Mathra wouldn't SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT IT! He kept popping out at me and trilling, "Imzadi! Imzadi! Imzaaaadi!" in various tones, vibratos, and foreign accents.I liked this episode well enough when I first watched it, but recapping it was like in-SANE-ly boring. I don't know why. I really don't. Maybe it was all the repetition of not just stuff we learned from other episodes, but stuff we learned in THIS VERY EPISODE! As if we'd forget in less than an hour. Maybe I just couldn't emotionally commit myself to this episode because Bermaga stupidly saw fit to interrupt what could be a nice, suspenseful flow with SIX WEEKS OF RERUNS. Idiots. My god. With the shabby treatment they're giving this series, I've long stopped believing they want to save it.
After the announcement that Enterprise is moving to the nine o'clock timeslot week -- which will be RERUNS FOR SIX WEEKS -- we jump right into the episode without any previouslies. The ship approaches a glowing red dot. It's a planet. A giant. A red giant, which sparks me to sing, "Yo-ho-ho, Red Giant!" because my mother had a deep and abiding belief in the secret power of frozen vegetables. Here's what we learn: a traffic jam of Xindi ships holds up the beltway between the two interior planets, and there's a detection grid generated by a mess o' satellites. Quantum puts on his Exposition Furrow to say that Degra mentioned Azati Prime would have a security net. They hide behind a planetoid. Ships approach the detection grid, and we get a close-up of a few ships heading toward an Earth-like planet. Quantum wants the lead ship magnified and the warp signature displayed. Two small squares with spirals in them appear in the lower left corner of the viewscreen. I assume that's the warp signature, but we've never seen that feature on the viewscreen before. It's pretty cool. Quantum smiles grimly, "Degra."
That naturally means we need to see the man that makes Quantum smile so very grimly, so we bop on over to Degra's ship, where it's cocktail hour. Degra pours the drinks from this cool glass bottle that has a pewter dragonfly hanging from a chain draped around the bottle's neck. The drinkers receive their cocktail reverently as Degra explains the occasion for such celebration. "It may seem odd to celebrate the completion of a weapon. Particularly one designed to destroy an entire planet. But recall the words of Enarchis, written some fifty years into the Great Diaspora: 'Without a world of our own we are but children lost in the wilderness.'" Yeah, yeah, you have a conscience about this whole thing because you're the Primate Xindi. We got that seventeen episodes ago, you freak. Degra goes on to say that the Xindi will soon emerge from their wilderness, and their work on the weapon will ensure that the Xindi will never be lost again. He toasts the new Xindi era.
We have this cheese at Cowgirl Creamery called "Stinking Bishop" that oozes, runs, and can basically walk out of the store on its own. Five scalding hand-washings does nothing to edge out the aroma. This song stinks more. A Xindi ship that sort of looks like a bug with its cool purple deflector shield frolics around the Earthy planet. I guess the ship is Degra's, but this front view looks totally different from the close-up Quantum ordered in the teaser. Oh, wait, there's a tiny ship attached to it. Maybe that's Degra's. A Three-Toed-Sloth Xindi greets Degra pleasantly as he, another Mr. Man Xindi, and a crabby Snake Eyes walk onto the Bridge. "When can we get underway?" Snake Eyes demands. Degra tells him to keep his snake pants on. "Patience is for the dead," Snake Eyes snarls like an old spinster aunt who sits in a chair picking apart all her friends and family as easily as she drops stitches in her scratchy grey woolen hunk of something that will never be finished. Both the other Mr. Man and Three Toes compliment Degra on all he's accomplished. Again, Snake Eyes has to be a stick in the mud and say that he's reserving his gratitude when he sees the humans annihilated.
Situation Room. For lots of technobabble reasons, the qrew comes to the qonclusion that they can't bring Enterprise through the security grid without being detected. Quantum decides that Trip and May-brie will take a few hours to learn about the stolen Bug Eyes sh'pod and take it through the security grid to find the Mega Maid.
In a sh'bay, the insecty shuttle waveringly goes up and down. Inside, May-brie and Trip have fun. When the sh'pod jerks suddenly, Trip flails his arms and grabs the back of a headrest as May-brie calmly notes, "I think I found reverse." "Great," Trip comments, "but unless we plan to fly in ass-first, we better figger out how to make it go forward." Isn't "ass-first" Quantum's preferred flight pattern? Sorry. They flip more switches.
On the Bridge, Hoshi is given something to do that takes her mind off the mind-numbing tedium she has been enjoying lately. Clicks and clacks come out of her con as they advise callers how to rebuild their carburetor and figure out what the "thump-thump-thump-pump!" under their hood means. T'Pol is motivated by the Bug House noises to tell Hoshi that Trip is really going to need time to install the translation matrix she's working on. "If Commander Tucker wants to speak Insectoid, I have to get this right first," Hoshi retorts. More clicks and clacks. "Believe it or not, that was 'Have a nice day,' or its equivalent," Hoshi translates. T'Pol mugs.
Bug House sh'pod. Quantum steps in to order Trip, "Just get in there, find this thing, scan it, and get out." Strangely enough, that's exactly what he tells himself before every date. He reminds them that whatever info they glean from Mega Maid won't be of any use if they don't get it back to the ship. I guess he's telling them to be careful and don't stop for ice cream along the way. May-brie nods vehemently in the background as Trip says they'll keep that in mind. Quantum wishes them luck and leaves. To brood. The Bug House sh'pod takes off in a meandering way. Inside, the sh'pod vibrates a bit, and May-brie pulls at levers. "Trouble?" Trip asks as he hangs onto a ceiling handhold. May-brie tells him it's not quite like shooting wamp rats back home, but he'll figure it out. On the Bridge, T'Pol notes that their flight path is "somewhat erratic." Quantum tips his head to one side as he follows their erraticism on the viewscreen. The Bug House sh'pod careens around and points back at Enterprise. Quantum opens a channel and says, "Tri-ip?" The Bug House sh'pod heads straight for the ship and grazes it. Enterprise shudders a bit. So does everyone on the Bridge. "Sorry!" Trip gasps. "No problem," Quantum says evenly, "I'll...sendyouthebill." Now, would that be Bill Shatner? Because if not, stop talking like him -- this isn't a fucking Priceline commercial.
The Bug House pod evens out and, mouth open with concentration, May-brie smiles and says he's getting a feel for the ship. Trip confirms that the sensors are all good and suggests they get going.
Bridge. Quantum wants T'Pol to keep a sensor lock on them as long as possible.
Bug House pod. Trip counts down as they reach the detection grid.
Bridge. T'Pol confirms that they got through.
Bug House pod. Trip detects a Xindi patrol ship approaching and IMs furiously. "They're hailing us!" he grimaces as Click and Clack come back on the radio. They wait a bit before a robotic voice translates, "Your. Presence. In. Side. The. Detection. Grid. Is. Unauthorized. Explain." Trip fibs that they had a malfunction that threw them off-course, but it's been corrected. He waits a bit as the computer beeps. More Click and Clack. Pause. Robot English: "Rendezvous with your carrier ship immediately." "Understood," Trip says, relieved. What, no random and completely weird joke to which they'd have to force out a "Ha! Ha! Ha!"?
Bridge. T'Pol reports that she's lost contact with the Bug House pod. Reed announces that they're being scanned. T'Pol determines the scan is coming from the moon's surface: "A small monitoring station. The moon's rotation brought it into range." I guess that wasn't such a good hiding place after all. Who's up for Red Rover, Red Rover? Quantum wants to see the station onscreen. The viewscreen reveals not much, but when Quantum asks, "Malcolm?" all becomes infra-red clear. T'Pol reads three Xindi bio-signs, but they haven't sent out a transmission yet. After Reed wonders, T'Pol says that they have to wait another four hours for the moon to bring them back into comm range. Security-wise, that sounds like an extremely ineffective way to do things. Quantum clenches, furrows, broods, and paces. He's going to be plum tuckered out at this rate. Bakula presents a tense back to the camera before he whips around, eyes on the floor, and orders, "Target the facility." Reaction shot from Hoshi, which isn't much of one. Reed gets a lock. "Sir," T'Pol starts, but Quantum interrupts that they can't risk it. T'Pol frowns slightly, but falls silent. She knows he's right. Quantum looks straight ahead and orders, "Fire." Reed pushes a button. On the viewscreen, we see an asterisk of light streak toward the outpost. We know it hits when the viewscreen goes white with a radiation of nuclearesque light. The viewscreen imitates the scene in Rear Window when Jimmy Stewart is trying to buy time by blinding Raymond Burr with popping flashbulbs. The viewscreen dissipates the white photonic light, and we can see the light centralizing on the outpost. Reed closes his eyes briefly and twitches his mouth as he silently acknowledges the direct hit. Nice subtlety there. The dramatic orchestra pulls at the heart-strings as it solemnizes a minor chord. T'Pol looks down, and Quantum sits heavily in his chair. That was a good scene. A bit overwrought, but the actors were quietly impressive. The Bug House pod chitters toward an expanse of blue. Trip reports to May-brie that he's still getting kemosabe readings, but not enough to equal a large-scale Mega Maid, and May-brie notes that there's not a whole lotta land down there. "And what land there is? Dunna have any life on it," Trip adds. They go down for a closer look. Trip thinks he sees something. The sh'pod cruises just above the water, and we can see a dark round shadow in the water. I could make a Titanic joke here, but DiCaprio makes me retch black bile. "You did say that most of this thing's power was routed to structural integrity," May-brie says. "And you said we could probably fly it in a Gas Giant," Trip says. And then Keckler said, "Hee -- Captain Kirk reference." And then Mathra said, "Just because it's full of smells and hot air doesn't make it a Kirk reference!" Trip and May-brie look at each other. "Hell, it's only water!" Trip says, and they go for it. The sh'pod hits the water and glides smoothly in, just as if it's not exactly like hitting a cement wall. And even if they aren't completely shredded like a carrot in a Cuisinart, they should at least buffet slightly. I just have to say right here and now that I have been asking for Star Trek to visit an underwater planet (complete with underwater aliens) for the LONGEST time. After over one hundred recaps (that's total, not just Enterprise, for those of you who think I just came on board with this show), I really don't remember if I mentioned in recaps or only on the boards, but I know I've mentioned it. Repeatedly. Therefore, I am going to take this idea as a shout-out. Even if it's only in my dreams in that Debbie Gibson sort of way. They dive into the water, say hi to Nemo, and swim past coral reefs and other ships that look like manta rays. This is just awesome. I love underwater stuff! The reefs open up, and they can see the Mega Maid. "You getting those scans, sir?" May-brie asks grimly. Trip closes his dropped jaw and gets to work. He notes activity in the lower-right hemisphere. They fly? swim? around the Mega Maid. Other small ships and possible Aquamen manatees or lobsters cruise by. Trip says he wants to get a look inside. May-brie plots a course but reminds him that Quantum said to get in, get out, and get it over with. Which is what T'Pol said That Night as well. "That's e-zackly what we're gonna dew," Trip responds. "Aye, aye," May-brie assents and goes for it. They follow other ships into the Mega Maid.
Safely back on Enterprise, Trip shows off their scans. Mega Maid is in the final stages. Reed points out important technobabble features and thinks that if they get close enough, "[they] can set off a chain reaction that can blow this thing to high heaven." Photonic torpedoes will do the trick for the initial explosion. Trip says they can fit the torpedoes on a sh'pod. Quantum looks at Reed as he readies himself to make the ultimate sacrifice: "We're talking about a one-way, Trip." Wait, that's Malcolm, sir. Do you need to lie down and take a little something in water? Oh, wait, he means, "We're taking about a one-way trip." Okay -- got it. I'm up to speed now. Reed nods all "Chuh!" in agreement. Basically, everyone tries to volunteer for the task. The one that gets me is May-brie saying, "I should be the one to go," because we all know that he went long ago. Quantum tells them all that he's going to be the Brooding Champion on this "mission." See, I've been reading up on my Strega lately. I've basically missed the whole Angel season this year because of Jake 2.0, and I've just got Stregaisms running around my head. She's one funny gal. There's the usual protest and argument. But Quantum makes it so and tells May-brie to meet him in the launch bay to give him flying lessons. Exit the Quantum. T'Pol puffs her lips in consternation. Because she loooooves him. Quantum steps off the Bridge onto something weird. He turns back from the turbolift to see a strange corridor. A huge bay window looks out into a pinky-orange space, and a red strip of carpet in the middle of grey industrial carpet winds its way along a curvature in the strange corridor. Daniels in all his rubberized Michelin Man glory strides up and says, "Welcome aboard, Captain." Quantum's annoyed as he says, "Daniels!" in an "I should have figgered on you" tone, and demands to know where he is. "You're on Enterprise. Enterprise J to be exact -- a distant relative of your ship." Oooh, I wonder if it has Enterprise NX-01's dimples! Daniels tells Quantum he is four hundred years in the future. Not bothered by the leap, Quantum dashes to the window as he sees weapons fire. A small ship explodes. The window makes it look as if the saucer section of Enterprise-J is hanging over this portion. Quantum stares. And furrows.
After commercials, Quantum demands to know why Daniels won't stop stalking him. Daniels points out the pink and orange light and says it's growing. Quantum tosses his chin and says he's seen it before. And, like all good things, it's bigger in the past! "I know, the Expanse," Daniels expositions. As Quantum examines an Enterprise-J schematic on the wall, Daniels says he knows all about the tranny alien they visited with a few weeks ago, and confirms that he's the same race as the Sphere Builders. Do they have a real name, or are they going to just be the Builders and have their own society in the UK? Daniels tells Quantum more stuff he already knows, like the fact that the Builders are trying to make the Expanse habitable for their kind before they invade. Quantum "duhs" this and Daniels says, "It's getting harder and harder to surprise you, Captain." Shut up, Daniels; it's getting harder and harder to stomach you when you only show up to yank Quantum's chain. He's like Q, but without the funny lines. Enterprise-J shakes, and Daniels brags that he brought Quantum to a momentous occasion, the battle of Procyon V. A battle over erectile dysfunction medication? What is our world coming to? This is the battle in which the Federation takes on the Builders. "The Federation," Quantum says, hiding the anvil in his furrows. "You've mentioned them before." "Vulcans, Andorians, Ithanites, Klingons, dozens of species, including humans -- all unified in a powerful alliance," Daniels explains. He points out a Builders' ship that subsequently explodes, and says that the Federation wins this battle and drives the Builders back to their trans-dimensional hole. The Builders ship looks exactly like Moya. So at first, I was all, "Cool!" but then I was like, "Aw, Moya just got blown up! Bastards."
Daniels adds that if the Builders hadn't been beaten, they would have taken over the entire galaxy and wiped everyone out. The Builders also have the technology to see into the future, so they looked at this particular future, didn't like the fact that they lost, and decided to change the outcome. So, the Builders are Shower Guy? What the hell happened to the Suliban? What's going on with the Temporal Cold War? I just...need another drink, clearly. According to Daniels, who just really, REALLY bugs me, the Builders lied to the Xindi so the Xindi would destroy all humanity, because without humanity, the Federation would never exist. Well, natch, they wouldn't get those cool digs in San Francisco for their HQ. Rumor has it, though, that Lucasfilms is moving up to the Presidio, which means that the Federation might have a tough time securing that particular real estate. Daniels preaches that the Xindi have to realize that humanity is good and will be the ones to protect them when this Battle of Penises is over. Daniels tells Quantum to make peace with the Xindi, but Quantum spits that they are about to deploy the weapon and he has to destroy it. Daniels reasons that they will just build another Mega Maid. Yeah, but that will take, like, a really long time so I don't see why it's such a bad idea. Daniels tells Quantum, "It is crucial to history that you do not sacrifice yourself." Yes, because Quantum is the champion of humanity. Just like Angel. Bleh. Quantum isn't convinced, since he's focused on the ten billion people on Earth dying bit. Not that I blame him, because Daniels is just being that typically obnoxious future guy.
They argue some more. "Captain, you are making a catastrophic mistake," Daniels gasps. "You've made your share of mistakes," Quantum bellows. "This isn't one of them," Daniels admits. Heh. Quantum orders him to send him back, NOW! Quantum releases his grip on Daniels after Daniels distracts him with a shiny object. Well, it's not so much with the shiny. It's supposed to be an important Xindi medal that belongs to one of the Xindi crewmen aboard Enterprise-J, but it really looks more like those extra buttons you get in a ridiculously small envelope when you buy a new coat or pair of pants. Daniels says he's giving it to him in case he changes his mind. "I won't," Quantum says, shaking his furrows.
Back on the non-alphabetized Enterprise, T'Pol tells Quantum she'll have the button quantum dated. I...just can't anymore. "We both know it's from the future," Quantum says, taking it back. He tells T'Pol he plans to go ahead with the mission. T'Pol tries to talk him into it by pointing out the merits of Daniels's arguments. They argue some more. We find out that, since their visit to the Motor City, T'Pol actually believes in time travel now. They argue some more. "I don't want you to die!" T'Pol bursts out. Quantum turns around and stares at her. Aw, she's become accustomed to his furrows. "It's not necessary," T'Pol chokes. Quantum wishes that were true. He smiles slightly and leaves her to her nervous breakdown. Man, they better make T'Pol either be on something or dying to be acting this irrationally, because it's really starting to piss me off again. I hate the hysterical female storyline -- it's sexist and demeaning. Under the Xindi Tree. Degra and Snake Eyes discuss security detail for the weapon. Snake Eyes wants a lot, so the Xindi ships can hunt down and destroy every last human outpost, outhouse, and outboard motor. He's so crabby, you could boil him up and call him Dungeness. With a little lemon juice, a glass of chardonnay, and a hunk of sourdough, he'd be quite the San Francisco treat. Degra says throwing that many vessels into a vortex means losing one or more of the vessels. "See that you don't," Snake Eyes orders unhelpfully. What exactly is the pull he has over Degra? I mean, they're all Xindi, so why does Degra feel the need to obey Snake Eyes? Maybe he doesn't want to get bitten because Love Bites. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Snake Eyes gets a message that a security outpost on the moon is not responding. Snake Eyes wants a patrol sent, and tells Degra they'll finish their discussion later. Exit Snake Eyes. Three-Toes says, "Someone once said that dealing with Reptilians is like bargaining with the sun -- you make no progress and you come away burned." Isn't that an old Klingon proverb? Degra admits that it's not just Snake Eyes's fault, and proceeds to show us his regret over killing seven million humans in Florida and his trepidation over destroying an entire world. "Better their world than ours," Three-Toes says. Degra continues to be sad for the innocents and the children, and Three-Toes continues to be blithe. Because of ALL the Xindi, ONLY the one who most resembles a HUMAN is allowed to show sensitivity and signs of a conscience. Whatever. Three-Toes tells Degra to think of the future of his own children. Degra wonders what their children will think of them in the future when they judge them for their deeds.
May-brie trains Quantum in the Bug House sh'pod. "Can I ask you something?" May-brie asks, after Quantum shows signs of getting the hang of things. Quantum tells him to go ahead. "You're the least expendable man on Enterprise, why're you doing this?" May-brie asks so very naturally that I have to give Montgomery props. Of all the other characters, I'm glad they gave these lines to him. From him, the question sounds innocent and earnest. We already saw T'Pol's rendition of this, and from Trip they'd be, well, Trip. Reed would be stiff, correct, and Britishy, and Hoshi would whine. Phlox would probably ask if he could tag-along to glean some rare water centipedes from the ocean to feed to his pets. Or himself. Quantum broods that after putting the kill on those three Xindi on the lunar outpost and creating and killing Sim, he just can't order anyone else to their deaths. Can he order me? PLEASE?!
Okay, San Francisco is so freakin' weird, y'all. I went down to work at my cheese-mongering, and there were cars driving by with people lolling out the windows. Barking. BARKING! People. Were. Barking. Why? Because it's the Urban Iditarod, of course.Sickbay. Quantum walks in carrying Porthos, a big Eddie Bauer dog cushion, and a few bowls. He thanks Phlox for looking after the beagle, and mockingly asks the doctor not to harvest any part of the pooch. "Oh, I doubt that would be necessary," Phlox says, cradling Porthos. I love that dog. Quantum cups Porthos's ears in his hands and looks at him one last time before he leaves. Aw, that got a sniff out of me. He pauses at the doors to say, "Oh, do me a favor -- slip him a piece of cheese every now and then." "Certainly," Phlox smiles softly. Exit Quantum.
Quantum makes a big speech on the Bridge to half a dozen officers. Some (like Reed) stand at attention with their hands behind their backs, while others (like Red Stripes) stand all casual with their hands in front of them. T'Pol stands with her arms crossed, a stance, as I've said before, that exudes a bitchy impatience. Although, since it's Blalock, I think she's just taking the opportunity to give her dinners some extra support. Quantum asks them all to think back to the day when the ship first launched. Reed is hysterical here -- he basically frowns like, "Hm, what's he talking about? Can't...quite...remember..." and then his eyebrows raise as comprehension dawns, and finally, he smiles all, "Yeah, man, what a day that was." It's pretty damn funny. What's kind of sweet about this speech is that you might think that Bakula's speaking from the heart in the face of this show's cancellation. I just wish he'd loosen up a bit more. He tells them that after he dies in this mission they have to get back to the business of exploring. He adds that of all captains that will sit in that chair, none of them will be more proud of them than he is right at that moment. Can't say that's going to be hard, considering that T'Pol is incapable (supposedly) of that emotion. Quantum looks down and swallows.
Bridge. T'Pol paces and looks at Reed. He pushes a few buttons and nods. Under the ship, the Bug House sh'pod launches. "Archer to Enterprise, I'm heading in," Quantum says.
After the commercial, we're still on the Bridge. Reed monitors Quantum's progress. Once he passes the grid, Trip says, "Give 'em hell, Cap'n." T'Pol's face falters, and she says she'll be in the Ready Room. Trip looks bugged by her exit.
Ready Room. T'Pol leases the WOTWW, falling against it weakly. She breathes hard, and when she throws her back against the wall, she has a few tears running down her face. She gasps and sighs.
Fly, Quantum, fly. He dives into the water with awesome effects and swims to the Mega Maid. But the holder is empty; the Mega Maid is gone. Meanwhile, Xindi harbor patrol asks to see his license. Leap, Sam, leap! Ready Room. T'Pol wrings her hands. Literally. I can't believe there's a VULCAN WRINGING HER HANDS ON A STAR TREK SHOW! Her door beeps, and she grabs an e-pad to pretend she's working. Trip comes in to say that there's still no sign the captain completed his task. It's been two hours, and Quantum's way overdue to make with the large boom-boom. T'Pol affects nonchalance and pretends she hasn't been hitting "refresh" over and over on her computer. She actually would have carried it off had it not been for that piece of e-pad with "T'Pol and Quantum IV Eternity Unless There's Temporal Mischance!"doodled on it. Trip really thinks that the crew needs to see the Acting Captain on the Bridge to know that everything's under control. Well, Quantum just went to his death, and there's five (with a possibility of six) different species of a race after their human blood, soooo, I don't really think having T'Pol on the Bridge is going make them believe everything's okay. Unless they're simple-minded. T'Pol doesn't need any advice from him. Trip wrinkles (not quite a furrow yet) his brow sadly and tells her he's just trying to help, and it's not easy on any of them. Maybe some Neural Node Nudging would do the trick? Wholly inappropriate? Okay, then. "Dismissed," T'Pol sighs. "Dismissed?" Trip asks. T'Pol swings her lips around and clarifies, "Get out." He does.
Xindi places of darkness. As he hangs by two wrists in chains, Quantum is beat up by a Snake Eyes while another demands to know how many human vessels are meandering around their neighborhood. In their neighborhood, in their neighborhood, oh who are the Xindi in your neighborhood? They're the Xindi that you meet when you're walking down the street, they're the Xin-di that you meeeet eeeeach daaaaay! I suddenly have a hankering for bologna sandwiches. You know something funny? Bologna scares the Evil Dr. Mathra. I'm serious -- it's like his Kryptonite, and Oscar Meyer is his Lex Luthor. He goes pale whenever I mention the stuff, and refuses to be in the same room when I'm eating it. Quantum spits blood and says he can't enlighten them on that particular piece of intelligence. Punch. Spit. Snake Eyes demands to know if they're making a pre-emptive strike. Spit. "I thought that was your specialty," Quantum says. "You don't want to know my specialty," Snake Eyes tells him "ominously." But that crocheted cap of yours totally gives it away, buddy; nice job. I love the color. Quantum decides to get tough and wheels around to look him dead in the snake eyes: "Lemme guess: stinkin' up the room." You the man, Quantum. Punch. This is what my father-in-law refers to as "fisticuffs." He thinks they're completely unnecessary on this show. The camera spins around as Snake Eyes marvels at Quantum's resiliency. He decides to get chummy and tells Quantum that Mr. Men Xindi are weaklings, which is why Snake Eyes are called up when force is needed. Exposition about the Snake Eyes pilot of the Psycho Bocce Ball. He was from this Snake Eyes's regiment, and he happens to be very proud of his hand-picked suicide bomber. "His name will go down in history. It will be spoken of with reverence, a testament to the superiority of the cold-blooded," Snake Eyes blathers. Quantum gives him a lesson in Earth history by telling him that Earth used to be ruled by reptiles. "I wasn't aware of that," Snake Eyes says. His delivery made me giggle. It's like he gruffly appreciated Quantum enlightening him. Quantum explains how the reptiles got toasted by a comet and mammals then became the dominant species. "How unfortunate," Snake Eyes says, not liking the turn this conversation is taking. "Still, the reptiles might have come out on top if it hadn't been for a slight disadvantage," Quantum goes on. Snake Eyes is intrigued. "They had brains the size of a walnut," Quantum bleeds. "Like this guy's gonna know what the hell that is," the Evil Dr. Mathra crows. "That's very small," Quantum explains. "Oh," the Cowed Dr. Mathra mutters.
"Apparently, it's a constant in the universe," Quantum taunts. Snake Eyes's hand quivers as he itches to strangle Quantum. Instead he points one green fingernail (shiny with a protective topcoat, by the way) and asks again about any other Earth vessels. "The reptiles didn't all die out, some evolved into snakes. Alligators. Turtles," Quantum continues. I remember this exact same sort of talk from Quantum in another episode. It didn't impress me then either. "As a matter of fact, my favorite restaurant in San Francisco makes the most wonderful turtle soup. You should try it sometime, if you're ever in the area," Quantum taunts. Oh, and if you are, call me, Snake Eyes, and we'll take the cable cars to The Mark for sunset drinks. Realizing that he's not getting anywhere with punches or strangles, Snake Eyes tells Quantum that he knows where his ship is, and unless Quantum tells him what he wants to know, he's sending a convoy to destroy it. Quantum says he'll only confess his sins to Degra. Alone. Snake Eyes pretends not to know who he's talking about until Quantum refers to him as the dude building their weapon. Snake Eyes wonders what makes Quantum think Degra will want to talk to him. "Just tell him the name of his third child, Trenia," Quantum says. Snake Eyes knows that Degra has only two children. Quantum dares Snake Eyes to prove him wrong.
Bridge. T'Pol paces and says their sensors would have detected the expected explosion even underwater. Trip and Reed want to go after Quantum. T'Pol doesn't think it's a good idea. But after Reed opines that they're sitting ducks for the Xindi, she decides that she will pilot a shuttle down and attempt a diplomatic solution. Trip and Reed think she's nuts.
Xinditraz. Degra visits Quantum and makes him repeat that Degra's third child was named Trenia. That's just too close to "Tranya" for me to take it seriously. Degra orders the Snake Eyes out. Quantum quickly explains that, three weeks into Degra's wife's third pregnancy, she got Anaprolean fever and she lost the kid. They were going to name it Trenia. Apparently, in some scene we never saw in "Stratagem," Degra himself told Quantum this story. Sure. Fine. Whatever. Contrivance pitched a tent in my living room so long ago that I can't exactly get that worked up about this latest campfire. And then in case we FORGOT, Quantum reminds us that Degra has a conscience about this whole Mega Maid thing. Did you hear me? DEGRA HAS A CONSCIENCE! Just. Shut. UP ALREADY! Quantum tries to convince Degra that the Tranny Builders, not humans, are the real threat. Degra yells. I drink. Quantum gets Degra to take the Xindi coat button out of his arm pocket. Degra recognizes it, and Quantum tells him it's Of the Future. Degra is a non-believer, but Quantum screams that if the Xindi eliminate humans, they'll be eliminating Xindikind in the same stroke.Degra tries to convince Three-Toes and another Mr. Man about the coat button. "If there's any truth to what he's saying it means we can't trust her," Three-Toes muses. I could get worked up about who "her" is, but then I think how there's six weeks between now and the episode, and I just...can't. Although I really think it means that not only is Admiral Forrest evil, he's also a woman. "It also means she's been dealing with the Reptilians secretly," Degra says, and references Snake Eyes being seen in "a place called Detroit" a hundred years ago. God, so much of this episode is just the characters summing up plot points from other episodes this season; far from it being Continuity's incontinence problem, it's just boring to KEEP REHASHING IT! I hate rehashes. Unless there's bacon involved, but even then it's pretty indigestible. Three-Toes and Mr. Man laugh at the time-traveling until Degra mentions the bio-weapon. "The Council prohibited that," Three-Toes says casually. Degra thinks "she" may have taken Snake Eyes to the past. Three-Toes and Mr. Man decide they need to investigate this. Degra tells them to be quick about it, because Mega Maid's been moved to a safe location and she's nearly ready to deploy her Hoover. Mr. Man says the Xindi of the Round Table have to be notified, but Three-Toes reminds him that Snake Eyes are card-carrying members of the Round Table, and thinks they should do some secret detecting first. They decide to inform the Aquamen. Also in secret. All of this secrecy bugs Mr. Man -- he thinks the Round Table is fracturing due to Sir Xindilot's dalliances with that slut of the king's. "We can't forget who the real enemy is," he announces. "We may not KNOW who the real enemy is," Degra notes sagely.
T'Pol stalks down a hallway with Trip yapping at her heels. He demands to know what they do if she fails: "Are we supposed to just keep sending people in until there's no one left? And who's going to wash my face and Nudge my Nodes, huh, T'Pol?" T'Pol tells him, "That's hardly a viable option, we only have one more sh'pod." Trip keeps arguing as they enter a sh'bay. He thinks she wants to save the captain. Jealous? Arguing. T'Pol orders him back to the bridge. "I'm not going to sit still and watch you fly off and die," Trip snaps. "I gave you an order," T'Pol screeches, and starts to descend a ladder. "T'Pol --" Trip says, grabbing her arm. "LET GO OF ME!" T'Pol shrieks, and yanks her arm out of his grasp. "I SAID LET GO!" Trip wonders what the hell is wrong with her. As does the entire viewing public, but put it down to just another hysterical Star Trek female. It seems to be par for the course. Reed comms T'Pol and tells her the Xindi have found them.
Four Xindi ships approach.
Bridge. There are no responses to Enterprise's hails, and the Xindi charge weapons.Xindi prison. Temporarily freed, Quantum rubs his wrists like Chandler in that one episode of Friends. While Degra looks on, Quantum proposes to Mr. Man that they trust each other. Mr. Man's not so sure it's a good idea, especially after they captured Quantum in a Xindi ship loaded with explosives. But he was just holding them for a friend. AGAIN we REHASH that if the Xindi destroy Earth, they are sealing their own fate. Look, I've heard of excessive repetition in shows when it comes to establishing and reestablishing certain constants in the series, but the way they keep repeating themselves in this SINGLE EPISODE?! Dear LORD -- it's like the writers think we're all ADD'd five-year-olds in a room filled with shiny things. STOP! They argue over whether the button is proof of anything. Quantum wants to go before the Round Table.
Enterprise is attacked. Massively. The starboard nacelle is taken out. They're dead in the water. Comms on the ship are down. Stuff on the Bridge collapses. May-brie barely makes it to safety before the atrium thingy comes crashing down.
Xinditraz. Snake Eyes comes in and orders Degra and Mr. Man away at gunpoint. Snake Eyes then tells Quantum that his ship is under attack. "You agreed to hold off!" Degra shouts in protest. Snake Eyes brushes him away, saying he was tired of waiting. Degra orders him to call it off; Snake Eyes won't. Mr. Man says he's going to call the Round Table: "By the time you do, the Earth ship will be dust," Snake Eyes announces. Quantum just looks very, very depressed. And very, very alone.
Enterprise is riddled with holes. Hull breaches everywhere. Reed can't close them off; they're venting atmosphere. Someone in Engineering catches on fire and doesn't Stop, Drop, and Roll, so a fire extinguisher is deployed. Coolant leaks in Engineering. They evacuate. The Xindi fire some more, and we see small bodies in blue jumpsuits fly out into space. T'Pol looks around at the ravaged bridge. The Xindi continue to fire.
week: Nothing for six weeks.