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Quantum and Qrew play in Disneyland's Frontierland where, while standing in line, they discover a settlement of humans who have lived there for over two-hundred-fifty years. Digging a little deeper in the dust, the Qrew learns that these humans were abducted from Earth by a race known as the Skags before the Wright brothers even found flight. Originally enslaved by their abductors, the humans turned the tables on the Skags until every line regarding their treatment of their former masters rings of pre-Civil War slavery. Hoshi and May-Gone-in-Sixty-Seconds stay aboard and miss all the fun of seeing Trip trade in his harmonica and Reed shoot T'Pol. Didn't he say he needed to spend more time in the armory?! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
So, lots of mixed reviews I can see. I liked it. I loved the beautiful and interesting camera work, and the costuming was awesome. Quantum's hat hid most of his furrows, he looked damn foine in that duster, and the plot was actually fairly well thought-out and compelling. Guess there's truth to all those alien abduction stories after all, huh? HOWEVER, what I didn't like was yet another opportunity for T'Pol to Bo-Flex her Vulcan strength, and yet...nothing! See, I think it's hateful the way Bermaga consistently pawn T'Pol off as the Weak Female who needs a fainting couch shoved under her ass and smelling salts shoved up her nose, when she could kick all their asses 'til Tuesday and still have enough breath to sing "Voices Carry." And as much as I liked the clothes, I would have appreciated just one SIMPLE, THROWAWAY line explaining how they got the hats and the guns. Even if it was only Trip nursing a secret sewing obsession where he makes elaborate Broadway costumes in his down time -- something!It's Wednesday and it's time for you! To unclog your bathroom sink with a hanger.
Before we begin, I'd like to pause for a Moment of Wonder. Was this episode a response to how many times I've described Bakula's acting as John Wayne-y? Think about that for a moment. Also, someone in the forums mentioned that a few weeks ago I begged, "A horse! A horse! My boredom for a horse!" and look what they gave me. Now think about that for a moment. Okay, now don't think, just watch.
Some riders of the purple sage gallop through a darkened town and shove a noose around a man's neck. Can I just pause for a moment here and say that I actually saw purple sage the other day at the San Francisco Farmer's Market? Let me tell you, I was im-pressed. This state has everything -- herbs the color of the rainbow, alcohol delivered to your door every day of the week, and a psycho robot killer for a governor. When asked if he has any last words, the man, who looks like he bears the blisters of an alien, says, "Go to hell." Instead of the predicted response of, "You first," the leader of the pack comments, "Didn't know Skags believed in hell," and fires a gun. All the horses, including the one under the noosed man, gallop off. We see the legs of the hanged man writhe for a bit and then go still. Ouch.
Someone should put a noose around that damn song and fire a pistol. I'd like to see it writhe.
Has anyone been able to make sense of these recent episode titles? "Lone Star" might have actually made more sense for this one, even if Quantum and Qrew make reference that they come from "up North." How about the other ones? "Twilight"? Because Quantum was in the twilight of his life? I don't get it.
Dusty shot of desert. The dead man stands upright in a plywood box. A black cowboy hat asks who's paying for the box. The other black cowboy hat gestures to a woman in one of those homespun print dresses with a round lace collar that Dr. Quinn has on perpetual order from Garnet Hill. The first black hat says he hopes she's not planning on burying the dead guy in the cemetery. "His kind don't bury their dead. But I wouldn't expect you to know that," Homespun retorts. I wonder what they do with their dead. Burn them on pyres? Embalm and entomb? Stuff and keep them around as knickknacks? Inquiring minds wanna know. Black Hat apologizes for not being able to stop the murder and treat the guy to a trial instead. Homespun crabs that the same guys who lynched him would have been the twelve angry men, so the end result is the same. Black Hat reminds her, "He killed a man. Self-defense or not, that's a hanging offense for a Skag." Black Hat, who might be the sheriff in this here town, sounds like Wilfred Brimley. I keep thinking he's going to try to sell me cholesterol-reducing Quaker Oatmeal, or something for his diabetes.
The camera pans down from the sky, which bleaches out the color to almost make it look like it's a black-and-white film. As the episode goes on, it's obvious they muted most colors to get that same effect. It's a pretty unique feel. Unique? Always good. Quantum is standing by a tree, all duded up in western duds complete with a nice wide-brimmed hat and a duster. Okay, I'll have to reluctantly concede a "yum." Now, if he can only keep his mouth shut and just vogue around, I might actually start to like him. He nods at Homespun as she walks by, but she doesn't pay him any notice. Joining T'Pol -- whose costume tonight is a tailored, flat-ruffled blouse with flared trumpet sleeves and a flared hem, paired with a brown corduroy skirt -- Quantum asks what she's got. I assume he means besides that scarf tied Rhoda-style over her ears. T'Pol says there's no doubt they're human. Trip falls into step with them and says, "Looks pretty authentic, Cap'n. Right down to the spittoons." "And the hangings," Quantum comments, and wonders how the hell they all got there. Ducking into an alley, Quantum comms Reed for a report. Reed tells them that there are six thousand humans on the planet, all clustered in settlements within a few hundred kilometers of where they are. Of the aliens, Reed reports he found fewer than one thousand of them, and that their closest encampment is ten kilometers away. Reed can't find any sign of technology or ships; his "Quantum Scans" (I know it's not a real shout-out, but I still do a double-take whenever I hear it) show their oldest structure to be over two hundred years old, and every material used is indigenous to the planet. Quantum sends Trip and T'Pol to check out the alien settlement, and warns them to keep all talk of flying saucers and little green men at such a minimum as to be non-existent.
By trading in his precious harmonica and his gun and holster (hey, people? Where'd he get the gun and holster? They don't have a replicator on the ship yet!), Trip manages to rent him and T'Pol a horse for a few hours. You know what's so great? Trip's "aw, shucks" accent finally fits in somewhere! This scene was filmed looking out of the stables into the sun, which puts all the characters in West Wing-like shadow. However, instead of it being impenetrable as it is on that show, it actually gives the scene a nice bit of realism.
As the happy horse dealer blows "My Darling Furrowtine" on his new toy, Trip gets on the horse and puts his hand down to help T'Pol up. I know he's being gallant and all, but the fact that T'Pol accepts his help without pulling herself up with her own SUPERIOR VULCAN STRENGTH kind of ticks me off. T'Pol warily asks if Trip "[has] any experience riding these animals." Trip makes a Western movie reference which is totally lost on T'Pol and swings her up behind. "Better hold on," Trip says, and T'Pol awkwardly puts her hands one on each pec. Instead of galloping off in a cloud of hope and glory, they sit there as a fiddle saws. Trip makes faces and tugs a bit at the reins. Dude, if you've watched all the John Ford movies, I'd think you'd at least have picked up that you gotta use your heels. Somehow, with all Trip's slapping and jerking of the reins, the horse figures out that Trip means "gee up!" and ambles off. I sure as hell hope he knows how to stop the poor beast.
While his Qrew works, Quantum decides to get drunk. He walks up to the saloon bar and greets the keep, who asks him what's his pleasure. Quantum professes just to want a place to sit out of the sun for a bit, as he's only "passing through," and the barkeep offers him coffee on the house. Quantum accepts. The barkeep asks where he's headed. Quantum spins some yarns about a ranch and a brother down south, and the barkeep buys it. The barkeep notes Quantum's interest in an old oval portrait behind the bar. "See the resemblance?" the barkeep asks, and poses. Quantum says he does, and looks at the plaque beneath the portrait. "Yer not tellin' me yer related to Cooper Smith," he says. Like he even knows who that is! The barkeep says he's the only direct descendent of the man who "overthrew the Skags." A Skag looks up briefly from his sweeping. Quantum comments that the barkeep must have a lot of stories. You know what kept going through my mind in this scene? How Quantum would have experience getting info out of people, when he didn't even know what info that was, while trying to fit seamlessly in, because of all his Quantum Leap-ing.
At that moment, the local rabble walks in, itching for trouble. Quantum notes the wary look on the barkeep's face and asks, "Friend of yours?" "Not particularly," the barkeep mutters. "How about some service?" the guy we saw in the hanging scene demands. He's wearing one of those Western top hats that always make me think of two things -- the Mad Hatter, and Slash from Guns 'n' Roses. I think there's an unwritten rule that the guys who wear those kinds of hats are usually bad. Or at least very shifty and untrustworthy. The barkeep sets up a bottle and some shot glasses, which the Skag brings over to the Rabble's table. "Why don't you join us?" Top Hat asks the Skag. "You know I'm not allowed to do that, Mr. Bennings," the Skag answers. Isn't "skag" a slang term for an ugly chick? "It's Deputy Bennings," Deputy Ass Hat says, and then adds that he's got the power to bend local ordinances. With his foot, he pushes out a chair threateningly. The Skag sits, and Deputy Ass Hat pours him a drink, commenting that he's sure the Skag could use one after what happened last night. Everyone in the bar, including Quantum, looks wary. Deputy Ass Hat says, "Let's drink to the dearly departed. To dead Skags!" His rabble laughs. The Skag doesn't. Deputy Ass Hat tells him to drink up. The Skag barely takes a drink before he coughs and sputters. The rabble laughs. Deputy Ass Hat says he thought "[his] people" could hold their liquor. "Your friend had a few in him the night he killed Clay Stanton," Deputy Ass Hat comments. The Skag says, "He didn't drink." The You Said Something Stupid and Now You're Going to Pay brass quartet plays as Deputy Ass Hat begs his pardon.
The Skag tries to get back to work, but Deputy Ass Hat stops him because he didn't think he heard him right. "Yer tellin' me that a sober Skag had the nerve to shoot a man? I find that hard to believe. Maybe you could demonstrate," Deputy Ass Hat suggests, pushing his gun across the table toward the Skag. Lying on the floor, the cameraman films -- an angle that I'm sure Berman was uneasy with, since he apparently didn't like the Nostril Cam in "Crossover." That's right, I'm watching DS9 DVDs! -- Quantum touching the holstered gun at his hip. Seriously, where did they get the guns? Or the Western garb? It's not like they could shuttlepod or transport down in their regular clothes and buy gear off some local general store. Even if it was done in another town, their jumpsuits would still be mighty conspicuous. Their fashion plates would be on the earliest Pony Express. Deputy Ass Hat horks a loogie on the floor -- how rude, not even using a spitoon! -- and keeps daring the Skag to shoot him right between the eyes. Quantum gets up from his stool and says, "Excuse me, do you think I could get some more coffee before you shoot him?" Heh. The Skag takes the cup and scurries off. Deputy Ass Hat takes exception to being interrupted in his vastly engrossing game of Skag Baiting. Escorted by the barkeep, the sheriff walks in and asks if there's a problem. Deputy Ass Hat gives a rather slanted account of the goings-on, and Sheriff John Brown comments that he saw Quantum at the undertaker's. He suggests it's a little hot for coffee. Quantum takes the hint and leaves. Sheriff John Brown tells Deputy Ass Hat to make sure Quantum leaves town. As an afterthought, he also orders Deputy Ass Hat to leave the Skag alone. Deputy Ass Hat shrugs his relative compliance.
Nightfall. From the bushes, Trip and T'Pol spy on a settlement. There must be something more that we can't see because T'Pol says, "I estimate this vessel's been here for at least two centuries." She crawls out, and Trip asks her what she's doing. "The Captain said to learn whatever we could," T'Pol tells him, in a tone that implies the selective leaving out of "doy." "He also said to keep a low profile," Trip reminds her. "I plan to," T'Pol says, and walks off. Trip makes a face before following her. Hee. I love how Trip's all chickenshit and she's like, "Whatever, chump!" but in that calm, detached, Vulcan way. And then, of course, Trip follows her. Because he's afraid of bugs.
Quantum visits Homespun -- played, by the way, by Emily Bergl, who was also in Taken, which just tickles me because of the parallels -- and pumps her for information about the Skags because there aren't any where he comes from. "And where's that?" Homespun asks. "Up north, quite a-ways," Quantum says. "Up north"? Snort. Since Homespun heard about the Oxbow Furrowdent in the saloon, Quantum proves himself to her by saying that he stepped in because he doesn't think a Skagaran's life is worth any less than his own. Behold, the sanctity of the furrows. We thought it hath deserted us. But soft! There it floats on a pink hyacinth-scented cloud of righteous do-goodism. Homespun offers Quantum the chance to meet more Skags and learn the truth about what happened to the hanged man. They noisily leave town in a carriage and are, of course, observed by Deputy Ass Hat and his Ass Posse.
It turns out that Homespun, the local schoolmarm, has been covertly teaching the Skag children as well. But she's been doing it cloak and dagger, because edumacating the Skags is very much of the illegal. Trip and T'Pol come out from hiding, and Quantum introduces them to Homespun. As Homespun prepares for class, T'Pol tells Quantum about the abandoned ship they discovered. He orders Trip and T'Pol back to Enterprise to find out more while he stays for "[his] first day of school." Homespun takes the Skag kids through their multiplication tables. "Learning their times tables up to twelve? That's impressive," The Totally Sincere Dr. Mathra notes, totally and sincerely impressed. Homespun introduces Quantum -- who, in a nice touch, stands up and takes off his hat -- and tells the class that he wants to learn more about their people. Homespun calls on a girl to tell him how the humans and Skags came to live together. The little girls says that the Skags abducted the humans from their home planet and brought them to the planet to work. "And the humans didn't want to work for the Skagarans, did they?" Homespun prompts. "No, we didn't," Deputy Ass Hat says, coming out of the shadows. Homespun tells the children to run along home. Deputy Ass Hat tells Homespun that he warned her about breaking this particular law, and when Quantum says, "I thought you said you could bend local ordinances," Deputy Ass Hat says he has no intention of bending this one. There's a brief struggle as one of the Ass Posse grapples at Homespun and makes to kiss her. Naturally, Quantum gets involved, which then results in him getting punched to the ground.
Gaol. Some dude -- and he really is a "dude" -- has his feet propped up on a table and his hat tipped over his eyes. Something outside makes him get up, go to the door, and yell, "Git along 'dere now!" Do you think he was talking to a li'l dowggie? The camera pans to show Homespun dabbing at Quantum's eye as they sit behind wooden bars. Quantum's worried about what will happen to Homespun now. She tells him it's not the first time she and Sheriff John Brown haven't seen eye to eye. Quantum wants her to finish the story of Once Upon a Skagaran that the school kids started. He asks about the wreck of the ship, and Homespun tells him that the Skags were forming colonies and needed workers to build them. "You mean slaves," Quantum says. Just so we're clear. Crystal. Homespun admits that it really was a terrible crime, and that Cooper Smith is known as the human's folk hero, but the Skagarans call him something in alien tongue which roughly translates to "Big Old Meanie." Or "Butcher," but it really depends on the dialect. Cooper Smith led a revolt where he burned the space vessel and murdered entire Skag families. "Have they told you that version?" Homespun asks. Quantum shakes his head. He hasn't heard any version. Homespun lists all the other "human" rights the Skags weren't allowed: getting married, owning property, and going to school. Quantum supposes it was so the Skags could never enslave the humans again. Homespun agrees and says that twunts (tm Sars) like Deputy Ass Hat are more than happy to carry on the tradition. The gaoler, accompanied by Deputy Ass Hat, opens the cell door and says that the sheriff wants to talk to him. Quantum leaves.
Sheriff John Brown is getting a close shave with a straight razor from Jesse Ventura. So that's what he's up to these days. You know, I wondered. But can I ask why all these Westerns inevitably have some sort of barbershop scene? I find it quite odd. Quantum walks in, and Sheriff John Brown offers him a shave. Quantum declines. But if he's passing out manis and pedis, I'm sure Quantum wants in on that. Screw Quantum, I want in on that! Although maybe not the manis, because they sorta hurt. "You sure? Dere's nothing like a barber shave to make a man feel civilized," Sheriff John Brown says. Quantum assures him that he's quite secure in his civility, so the sheriff dismisses Jesse and pulls a bottle out of a cabinet. He offers Quantum a slug of illegal Skagaran whisky that he allows the ex-governor of Minnesota to keep around for tooth pullin's. Sheriff John Brown wants to know why Quantum hasn't headed south to raise the bluehorns he mentioned earlier, and why he was caught in Skag town teachin' chilluns stuff they ain't supposed to know. Quantum comments that if he wanted to lynch a Skag, it wouldn't be the kind of thing that lands him in jail. Sheriff John Brown says they have laws to protect men like the two of them. "Protect us from what? Children?" Quantum asks. "You rilly want those chilrin to larn how to read, how to do their numbers [I think you need to learn how to do your numbers, bud], and maybe they can larn how they used to be in charge 'round here. How they had guns that could kill a man with a beam of light [Oh, does Quantum have bad news bears for you, my friend!] and that human beans were nuthin' but their layber force. Their property. Is that whut you want dose childrin to larn, Mr. Archer?" Quantum's all, "Let two hundred years' bygones be bygones." But Sheriff John Brown -- and Jesse, who has amusingly, and supposedly threateningly, appeared behind him -- tells Quantum he's there to make sure humans are never enslaved again. "I'm not sayin' it's fayre, it's jest the way it's always bean," Sheriff John Brown says. Well, not always, just for the last two hunnerd years, right? The sheriff tells Quantum to be outta town in an hour. Quantum asks about Homespun, and the sheriff tells him that she's been warned before and will now get a minimum sentence of ten years. Quantum leaves.
Quantum comms Enterprise for info. They don't really have any yet. Quantum tells him he'll meet them at the landing coordinates in an hour, because there's something he has to do first.
Deputy Ass Hat is staring creepily into the cell at Homespun. There's a banging at the door, and he turns away and buttons up his vest. Okay, what are we supposed to take away from that? He raped her? Quantum's the one banging on the door, and when Deputy Ass Hat opens it, Quantum says, "I was on my way outta town and I realized I forgot something." He slugs Deputy Ass Hat but good. Deputy Ass Hat goes down like an asshat, and Quantum grabs the keys and the asshat's gun. Homespun tries to play the whole "what are you doing?" game, but Quantum gets her out of the cell and drags Deputy Ass Hat into it. Quantum tells Homespun that she can go on the lam to other settlements who need readin', writin', and 'rithmatic. They leave.
Some time later, the sheriff pays a visit to his office and sees Deputy Ass Hat hanging onto the bars and coughing. He tells him it was Quantum. Sheriff John Brown lets him out and tells him to git his Ass Posse. Quantum and Homespun come careening down the main -- or possibly only -- drag in a carriage with two horses. They bypass the sheriff but in a typical (and impressive) Western shot; Deputy Ass Hat slow-mos his gun out of his holster, and while grinning, takes aim and shoots. Homespun flies out of the carriage. Quantum "ho there"s the horses and jumps down to her. Sheriff John Brown looks upset and glares at Deputy Ass Hat, who grins and looks cocky. Quantum gathers up Homespun and whips out his communicator: "Look the transporter onto my position -- there're two of us!" Deputy Ass Hat yells, "Drop that, whatever it is!" It's a multiplication table. Quantum and Homespun disappear before their very eyes. Deputy Ass Hat goes to kick the dirt where they once were to make sure they aren't hiding under a pebble.
Sickbay. Phlox, in his grey coverall operating suit, checks Homespun's vitals. T'Pol asks if anyone saw them transport, but Quantum retorts that he didn't really have time to care. T'Pol reminds him that the people they're dealing with are volatile and suspicious, so their disappearance may have consequences. Duh, honey. Phlox gestures with a pair of forceps that he's removed the "projectile," but Homespun's wounds are still extensive. He thinks she'll make it, but there are a few things about her physiology that he doesn't understand. Turns out Homespun is one-quarter Skagaran.
O.K. Corral. Deputy Ass Hat is convinced that Quantum is in league with the Skags, since there are old stories about the Skags being able to move through air. Sheriff John Brown calls him a horse's ass, but Deputy Ass Hat mulls over who Quantum was talking to on "that little box he had" and decides it was the Skags. All this convinces Deputy Ass Hat that the Skags are trying to take over again, and it's time to put an end to all of it. Sheriff John Brown asks what he has in mind. "I say we ride out there tonight and burn them out. I guarantee you there will be plenny of volunteers," Deputy Ass Hat says. Sheriff John Brown tells him he's going to do no such thing. If there's proof that the Skags are up to something, the sheriff says he'll take care of it himself. Deputy Ass Hat drawls that the sheriff's always been too soft on the Skags. "And you've always harassed them while I looked the other way. And that's going to change, right now. As long as you work for me, our job is to enforce the law -- understood?" Sheriff John Brown asks. "Understood," Deputy Ass Hat tells him, takes off his deputy asshat badge, and drops it. Too bad. Now he's just Ass Hat.
Enterprise. Hoshi staved off boredom by translating the info from the destroyed Skag ship, and says that what Homespun told Quantum was basically true. The Skags brought the humans to the planet as a workforce for a colony they were trying to establish. However, there are many reports of disciplinary problems, and six months after they got to the planet, the logs end. "They kidnapped the wrong people," Quantum bites out. Oh, calm down. Now that you're back in uniform, you're back to being a moralistic, self-righteous jerk, aren't you? Breaking my heart, you are. You tease me with your seductive duster and dirty hat, and then you take it all away as soon as you pull your jumpsuit back on. Trip wonders what they do , because they can't just leave the humans there. May-Gone-In-Sixty-Seconds says they can't transport six thousand humans back to Earth either, and then goes to wash his mouth out with soap after befouling it with a line. Quantum decides that when they've taken care of the Xindi, they'll come back for these folks. "For now, they deserve to know that Earth hasn't abandoned them," Quantum finishes.
A sh'pod lands at the O.K. Corral. It's all very dramatic with the dust boiling and the people staring. Quantum, T'Pol, Reed, and two Uh-Ohs disembark. "We need to talk," Quantum tells Sheriff John Brown, who nods.
In his office, Quantum gives the sheriff the lowdown. "And you were born there?" the sheriff asks. "I was born in upstate New York," Quantum tells him. "I spent most of my adult life in San Francisco, though." Yes, the best city in the world. Quantum asks Sheriff John Brown if he's ever heard of San Francisco. "Pacific Coast," the sheriff supplies. "Why didn't you tell us who you were?" Quantum says, "We weren't sure how you'd react. We wanted to get the lay of the land first." And now she's wounded in Sickbay. But seriously, what drew Enterprise to this planet in the first place? Sheriff John Brown says he doesn't blame him, and adds that part of him never believed Earth ever existed and that people made it up because they couldn't stand living there. "You takin' us back?" the sheriff asks. Quantum says they can't, but that someday they'll come back for them. Mark your calendars -- that will be exactly three and a half days from never. Quantum warns the sheriff that Earth has changed a lot since his time, and that they've now gotten past things like intolerance and prejudice. "The Skagarans enslaved my ancestors, Captain," Sheriff John Brown reminds him. Quantum tells him he has to get over it.
Outside, Reed's getting restless over how long the captain's been gone. T'Pol tells him to chill.
Inside the Sheriff's Office, Quantum lectures the sheriff that if he ever goes back to Earth, he'll have to leave all his resentments behind. I think it's a little simplistic to deliver a speech like that and expect that it would be that effortless for Sheriff John Brown and his people to go to Earth and adapt to a life and society that is nearly three centuries beyond their current mindset. I agree that they have to get past their prejudices, but I think it's unfair for Quantum to take the standpoint that it has to happen instantly and now. It's easy to speak from the cushy height of the Pillow of Enlightenment when you've presumably seen your world through several wars and atrocities. Or at least read about them your entire life.
Quantum and Sheriff John Brown leave the office, and the sheriff tells the crowd that Quantum and Qrew aren't going to hurt anyone. Quantum introduces the sheriff to T'Pol and says what planet she's from. In response, T'Pol tells them that Homespun is doing better. "Good," Quantum says. "I thought we'd bring Mr. --" He's interrupted by gunshots. The sheriff is hit. People scatter. Reed squats into an aiming position. Quantum walks forward and sees Ass Hat on a balcony with a rifle. Quantum tries to talk to him, but Ass Hat says he was never one for talking. The Ass Posse surrounds them. I think it's a bit unfair that no one said, "Now...draw!"
There's a lot of arguing back and forth with Ass Hat which gets no one anywhere, except that it shows us that Sheriff John Brown is still alive. One of the posse opens a second-floor shutter and cocks his gun, so Reed decides to take him out. Thus beginneth the Furrowfight at the O.K. Corral. Nice hearing, by the way; guess he Q-Tips regularly. The gunfight begins in earnest. Reed jumps for cover behind a water trough, and Quantum helps T'Pol drag the sheriff into the safety of the sh'pod. The Uh-Ohs get into it. And we see their guns take specific aim and nail some guy in another window. Note to Ass Posse: Stay away from windows. Do you suppose they're just stunning everyone? The female Uh-Oh fires at some guy who is also using a trough for shelter, and upon being shot, the guy just sort of lays his head down like he's going to sleep. It was kind of weird. With all the splashes, I'm just waiting for someone to nail a water trough in the side so all the water runs out. That always happens. Quantum runs forward, shoots a guy, and then uses his phaser to cut through the balcony above him. A posse member falls slo-mo to the ground. Cool. Quantum shoots him into submission. Ass Hat nails Quantum right in the right shoulder and it's an ugly, raw wound. Quantum flings himself out of the way, but Ass Hat charges after him. Quantum ducks into the stables. Ass Hat follows with that ridiculous psychopathic grin on his face. Quantum leaps on Ass Hat from above, and they go for a roll in the hay. Literally. Ass Hat kicks Quantum right in the wound. Ouch! Bakula does a really good job of fighting using only one side of his body. I hate it when people get wounded but somehow become endowed with the super-strength to continue to fight as though they were totally fine. Quantum delivers a few good punches with his left arm. Again, impressed, unless Quantum's a lefty like the Evil Dr. Mathra. Ass Hat punches Quantum in the wound.
More fighting outside. Reed inches forward until he hears T'Pol cry out in surprise. Turning around, he sees that a member of the Ass Posse has T'Pol in a chokehold with a gun to her temple. "Stay back or I'll kill her," Ass Posse Member says. Reed looks at them and then shoots T'Pol. That's right. He SHOOTS T'POL! T'Pol slides to the ground, and Ass Posse Member looks really, really shocked. Reed shrugs his face as if to say, "Meh," and then shoots the Ass Posse Member. Classic. That was unexpectedly funny and, well, unexpected. Reed checks T'Pol and then tells the Uh-Ohs to secure the area and find the captain. I'd sleep with one eye open for the few weeks if I were him.
The captain is still rolling in the hay with Ass Hat, and they are getting dangerously close to a horse. Okay, now they're under the horse. Just who do they think they are -- Catherine the Great? Come on, stop screwing around! Quantum crosses one leg over and then slams it into Ass Hat's face. Ass Hat grabs a baling hook and starts thrashing. But, because he's an asshat, he gets it stuck in a pole, which gives Quantum the chance to beat the crap out of him and hold him up with his own gun.
Enterprise. Quantum must've leased his WOTWW to Homespun, because she's standing in front of it, contemplating the weight of her world as she looks down on it. Quantum points out her town and asks how she's feeling. She's impressed that there isn't a scar. "Dr. Phlox does excellent work," Quantum says. Oh, please don't kiss her. "You must think we're barbaric," Homespun says. "All the things humanity's accomplished -- building ships like this, travelling to other worlds -- and we're still down there shooting each other." Quantum tells her that progress and evolution take time. Please don't kiss her. "But it was progress all the same -- you've managed to change and we haven't," Homespun says. Yeah, why is that, exactly? Is it the air? The produce? The Ben Affleck movies -- what? Wait, scratch that last one, that doesn't exactly fall under the realm of progress. "Even if you could take us back, I don't think we're ready," Homespun says. Quantum says it will be awhile before they can start sending ships there and that by the time they arrive, he's guessing things will have changed. What sort of timeframe is he thinking about, because I don't things will really change in a matter of months -- it's going to take them years. Homespun thinks he's giving them too much credit, but Quantum says he spoke with Sheriff John Brown and that he's going to start repealing some laws. Homespun looks beatific. I'm just glad he didn't kiss her.
Enterprise leaves.
O.K. Corral School House Rock. Homespun teaches, "Before people could travel through space to other planets, they had to git off the ground first. Almost forty years after my human ancestors left Earth, two brothers from Ohio became the first human beings to build a successful flying machine. Their names were Orville and Wilbur Wright." As Sheriff John Brown takes off his hat and observes the class, Homespun shows the kids pictures of the Wright Brothers. I wonder if she's just showing them the Ohio quarter.
week: Trip supposedly gets buried in a sunglasses case after kissing T'Pol and having a baby. Guess what he died of? November sweeps. You know what's going to bug me about that episode -- I mean, besides the fact that it's fake? Quantum doesn't even seem to be that sad! Kirk was all wobbly-voiced when he said "the most h-u-u-man," but Quantum's just stony-furrowed as usual, with nothing in his voice that hints he's doing anything other than reading a piece of paper with a shopping list on the back of it. And you know what else? That's just typical Bermaga -- I start liking the chump, and they kill him off.