The mightiest of props to the long-suffering keckler, and also to Paul Riddell, who offered me copious supplies of laudanum, ether, and Thorazine to ease my pain. I have to say, it wasn't nearly enough.
So, originally the tape I recorded this show on had...uh, a different current SF show featuring a number of Australians. Eventually I got a better copy of the episode, so I used the tape to record Gormenghast. Which Katie gave me on DVD for Christmas, so I recorded the Legend of the Rangers movie when it was on the Sci-Fi Channel. Which I ended up finding too dull to sit through, so it seemed fitting to use it for this. I'm just amused how this one tape has documented the widely varying quality of a genre. Okay, let's get to it.
A wee shuttle zips through an asteroid field. Inside, Malcolm frets, "The captain said they'd be mapping this asteroid field, but I can't see head nor tails of them." Is there really a point to mapping individual asteroids? It seems like their relative locations would change an awful lot. Trip points out that they aren't scheduled to rendezvous for three more days, so maybe the Enterprise found something better to do. My bet is that the crew wanted to have a party, but nobody wanted to invite these two clowns. I can see it now: "Say guys, why don't you take the shuttle out? We're going to...um...map asteroids! Yes, that's it. Very boring stuff, you wouldn't enjoy it. So why don't you go away for a couple of days? Doesn't testing the shuttle sound like fun?" And then later "mapping asteroids" will be a code word for the crew meaning "that bitchin' party where T'Pol got drunk and we all ended up spending three hours in the decontamination chamber," and for months afterwards, when Trip and Malcolm are around, other crewmen will snigger to each other about how they're in the mood to "map some asteroids, if you know what I mean," and Trip will just ignore it while Malcolm will wonder if they're making fun of him somehow, but he'll never quite have the nerve to ask, and sometimes he'll laugh along as if he knows what they're talking about, and when he does everyone will stare at him with this pitying look because he's obviously a poseur. That's all just a theory, though. Malcolm expositions that their sensors are down, so they'll have to spot the ship visually. It turns out Trip is trying to fix the communications system. Malcolm says he'll just read Ulysses until the ship shows up. Trip makes a snide remark, which allows Malcolm to sniff, "Sometimes I think you North Americans read nothing but comic books and those ridiculous science fiction novels." This is supposed to get the core audience on Trip's side, I guess. They go on sniping at each other's cultures for a bit, and Trip snarks, "I don't recall any Europeans figuring out how to build a warp engine," and it seems like trapping these two with each other is poetic justice. Malcolm looks out the window and calls Trip over to look at something. They stare out at some burned wreckage on a large asteroid. Malcolm pilots the ship down for a closer look, and they spot a large hunk of metal with part of a serial number on it. Gosh.
Credits. I dim the lights, head-bang, and hold up my lighter at the end. Hey, Enterprise is brought to you by Wal-Mart. I think that's funny.
We return to the Enterprise zipping along, decidedly in one piece. Phew. Hoshi enters, and Captain Quantum asks how the Tesnians are doing. Hoshi says that Dr. Phlox is treating them and they'll be fine. Hoshi has been able to communicate with the aliens, and we finally learn what the heck is going on. It seems that the alien ship was about to dock with the Enterprise when their sensor and navigation systems suddenly went out, and they had to use their escape pods before their ship crashed. Oh, and the Tesnian captain is very sorry about the damage to the Enterprise's docking bay door. So I guess that's what the piece with the serial number was from. That means that this isn't going to involve any time-space anomalies after all! Hooray! Around this time, the writers' credits come up, and it seems this was a personal effort by Messrs. Berman and Braga. I'm starting to see why some people hate them. Quantum buzzes Mayweather and confirms that they'll be able to take their guests home to Tesnia and still get back in time to rendezvous with the shuttlepod. Since they've got plenty of time, Quantum suggests that they slow down so that he can check out the damage to the ship. Me, I'd do that before going anywhere, but I guess I'm too cautious to be in Starfleet.
A capsule drops out of the ship and pokes along the belly of the Enterprise. Inside, Quantum asks T'Pol who is taking over Trip's engineering duties. Way to know your staff, sir. The answer isn't important; Quantum just wants somebody to fix the stupid door. T'Pol announces that they may have detected "micro-singularities in the vicinity of the asteroid field." "Oh ho ho," chuckles Quantum, "you Vulcans and your wacky fairy stories! I'm tired of always trying to teach you how to think scientifically. There's no such thing as micro-singularities! Humans have had interstellar travel for a couple of hours now, and we've seen no evidence of such a thing. Why should we take your word for it, just because your science outstrips ours by several generations?" I'm paraphrasing. I wonder if maybe Quantum is wrong in his blithe dismissal of T'Pol's concern.
Back on the shuttle pod, Trip wonders if the crew could have escaped in the lifeboats. Malcolm says that they'd still be in sight if that had happened. , Trip says they have to pick up the "black boxes," but Malcolm reminds him that their sensors are out. We establish that they've got ten days worth of air, which isn't enough to get them, well, anywhere at impulse speeds. They start shouting at each other, because Trip wants to head toward Echo Three, so that Starfleet can at least recover the shuttle and find out what happened to the Enterprise. But since the navigational systems are out, they can't even do that. Trip shouts, "You come from a long line of Navy men, and you've got a real good memory! Look hard at those stars, find something that looks familiar, and tell me which way to go." They're close enough to Earth that there are still recognizable constellations? Recognizable enough to navigate by? Right. Malcolm sniffs, "I don't suppose you have a sextant handy?" and Trip calms down and replies, "I left it with my slide rule." Malcolm obediently turns out and looks at the stars, and after giving him about two seconds to orient himself, Trip asks, "Well?" Malcolm admits that a blue giant looks familiar, and claims that they might have passed it on the way to the asteroid field. The implication being that all they have to do is turn around and "pass it" on the other side, and they'll be going the right way. I love that. Remember how NASA was able to get the Viking Landers to Mars by just aiming them "past the moon"? They take a final pass over the crash site, and Trip mutters, "See you around, Cap'n."
When we return, Malcolm is dictating his last will and testament. Or at least the "testament" part. He says, "It is my intention to recount the events that led to the destruction of the Starship Enterprise, and to express my deepest feelings regarding my short, but memorable, service with Starfleet." Is he going to write a poem? In the background, Trip announces that he'd do the same, except that he's trying to fix the ship. Malcolm rewinds to omit Trip's comments, and then starts recording again as he explains that he and Trip were sent out to test the shuttle pod's targeting scanners, but they experienced a sharp jolt, and then their sensors went out. Then he just describes what we already know. I mean, except for the Enterprise not being destroyed, which we know and they don't. Trip finally asks if Malcolm could quit narrating and start helping. But when Malcolm asks how he can help, Trip says, "You can hold this flashlight or turn down the heat -- whatever you want!" So, why can't he go on recording a log? Trip answers that right away: "I'm just a little tired of listening to your pessimism." They bicker about whether Malcolm's being realistic or pessimistic, and how likely it is that they'll find some help within the nine days. Trip insists that there are all kinds of kooky do-gooders out there who might run into them: "Vulcans, Klingons, Suliban, Xyrillians, Andorians..." Not to mention Pollyannas! I try to fit Trip's list to Tom Lehrer's "The Elements," but it doesn't work out too well.
Malcolm decides it's time for dinner, and checks out the rations. Trip asks for meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and Malcolm takes the sea bass. They also find a bottle of bourbon in the locker. Trip tries to justify this by saying, "The captain was planning to give that to somebody." So he stashed it on a shuttle pod? And not, say, in his quarters? Should that make sense? I think the writers left it there while touring the set. Long, silent minutes pass as Malcolm cooks the rations and they dig in. The dinner trays are the exact shape of Lean Cuisine entrees. If that's what they are, Malcolm should have gone for the chicken enchilada. Mmmm.
Some time later, Malcolm is dictating a letter to someone. It's way too boring to describe, even by comparison with what's going on. He implies that there's some estrangement with the eventual recipients, and gets as far as saying, "I would hate to go to my death thinking that either of you felt I was trying to avoid --" That's when Trip can't take any more. He's curled up under a blanket on a couch, and finally rolls over and begs Malcolm to shut up. Malcolm keeps recording, and explains to his listener that "Mister Tucker doesn't share my belief that it is essential to say what must be said, to leave a record, tie up loose ends." Trip grrrs and sits up to say, "Mr. and Mrs. Reed? I realize that you've just begun a period of mourning and that I'll never get an answer to this question, but I gotta ask it anyway: Was Malcolm always this cynical?" Oooh, he called him "cynical." Having dealt this vicious blow, Trip triumphantly curls back up under the blanket. Malcolm sniffs that eventually Trip will have to come to grips with their dire situation, and might decide he wants to dictate some goodbyes himself. If that happens, Malcolm says, "You have my word, I will not interrupt you." Trip growls that he just wants to get some sleep, but Malcolm thinks it's a waste to use any of their remaining time sleeping. Even though their oxygen would last longer if they were lying there quietly instead of shouting at each other all the time. Trip threatens to get cranky, shuts off the log, and tells Malcolm to rest.
Malcolm suddenly wakes up on a bed in sick bay. Dr. Phlox tells him to stay still. Trip is unconscious in a neighboring bed. I wish I were having a dream sequence, too. Malcolm asks what happened, and Captain Quantum assures him that he was very brave and saved Trip's life. Dr. Phlox says they'll explain what happened in the morning, after Malcolm's had more rest. They wander out, and we see that T'Pol is standing there, staring at Malcolm. He asks what happened again, and T'Pol purrs that Captain Quantum wants to have the fun of telling Malcolm how brave he was. She goes on praising his courage, and sits on the bed to him. He asks if he can call her T'Pol, she asks if she can call him Malcolm, he says he never much liked his name. T'Pol says that "Mol-com is the Vulcan word for serenity." Malcolm says he'll stick with his given name in that case, adding that he was getting fond of the name "Stinky." Um. Has someone called him that? Should this make sense, or are they assuming that the viewers will already be too numb to care? Just wondering. ["During 'The Andorian Incident,', we were told that Vulcans think humans smell. No mention of a 'Stinky' nickname, though." -- Sars] T'Pol allows one side of her mouth to twitch slightly, and Malcolm gleefully insists that he made her smile. He keeps saying "Stinky" and this scene just goes on and on and on, and I think that the letterbox format suits this show, because the less of my screen that's taken up with this, the better. T'Pol leans down very close to Malcolm, and she's just about to bite his nose off so that he doesn't have to worry about smelling any stinks ever again, when a sudden burst of static wakes him up.
Trip announces that he's got the receiver working again, but they still can't transmit anything. Malcolm returns to his seat and asks if Trip's detected some company out there. Trip says no, and claims that the static is just "the sound of the galaxy laughing at [them]." The galaxy is certainly more easily amused than I am. The ship suddenly shakes as if it's hit something, and Trip tells Malcolm that it feels like the same thing that knocked out the sensors. Wasn't Malcolm there when that happened? Does he need to be reminded? Malcolm checks a screen and reports that something's punctured the hull, and they're losing atmosphere. I wonder if they collided with Roddenberry's ashes. Since their sensors are still out, Trip and Malcolm resort to staring around as if they're going to spot a tiny pinhole. Trip pulls open a panel in the ceiling and explains that "it's nitrogen for the coolant tanks" as he opens a valve. Hazy fog quickly fills the cabin. Brrr. Trip closes the valve, and they start playing "spot the hole" again. After watching the fading clouds of nitrogen whirl around, each of them finds holes at opposite ends of the cabin, so they plug the spots with fingers while trying to figure out what to do. Malcolm says that there's some sealant in a storage bin, but that's out of reach. After looking around, Malcolm spots the remains of their dinner, and asks Trip to pass the meatloaf. Ew, they left their dirty plates just sitting around all night. Trip plays Twister with himself, lifting the tray from the couch with his feet, then dropping it to the floor and sliding it over. Malcolm scrapes some of the mashed potatoes onto his shoe, then scoops it up and uses it to plug the hole. Then he goes over, gets the sealant, and he and Trip plug the holes with something more reasonable. Wait, no, I'm wrong. He just crosses the cabin and repeats the mashed potato maneuver with the other hole. The guys get to relax for about five seconds before Malcolm checks a screen and reports that one of the oxygen cylinders was also punctured. He sighs and says, "We've got less than two days of air left." Two days? Oh my Lord, that's awful. I can't put up with two more days' worth of bickering.
After the commercials, Malcolm's brushing some rubber cement over the holes in the plot...er, "cabin." He's also griping because "the skin of this pod is designed to deflect a meteor five times the size of this hole." Trip wonders if something similar led to the destruction of the Enterprise. There's some strange stream-of-consciousness bickering that starts with Malcolm being pessimistic and ends with Trip reminiscing about a bar he used to visit while in Starfleet. I think I got whiplash just listening to that. Trip goes on about a waitress there he used to date: "We had it all figured out: where we'd live, how many kids we were gonna have. Ah, Ruby, whatever happened to you?" He doesn't know? Did she just vanish one day, and he never looked into it? And am I the only one thinking her last name was "Tuesday"? I'm full of questions. Malcolm seems to recognize the name, and when asked if he knew her, he volunteers, "I knew her more times than I can remember." Nice. Hey, Trip? If Ruby mysteriously vanished, maybe Malcolm was the last person to see her alive! You might be trapped in space with Ruby's demented killer! Yikes! Malcolm observes that they have something in common after all -- ew. Trip changes the subject, several minutes too late, by asking, "Would another half day be worth freezin' your butt off?" Trip claims that they can reroute power from the heater to the "oxygen recyclers" to gain some more time. Malcolm agrees that it's worth it to prolong their lives, and then hangs up a mirror and starts to shave. Guys, have you ever noticed how strange this show is? Malcolm explains that an officer is always "well groomed," which Trip takes as a sign that Malcolm's cheered up a bit. Until Malcolm adds, "I was thinking about what our corpses would look like when they're eventually found." Oh, here we go. Trip rolls his eyes and says, "If I remember my honors biology course correctly, your hair and nails keep growing for quite a while after you're dead."
Sometimes, as a recapper, you're presented with such a huge target that it's hard to decide what kind of weapon to use on it. This would be one example. I could take a whimsical approach, and suggest that it must have been a special "honors" class for engineers, which was taught by a run-down computer mentor that had undergone some creative reprogramming by some drunken hackers. Alternatively, there's the sarcastic attack, which would probably involve suggesting that Trip also learned such important facts as that swallowing soda and Pop Rocks will make your stomach explode. Or that Trip's honors economics class taught him various completely legal ways to make money fast by just adding his name to the bottom of a list. Or maybe Trip could tell Malcolm about how there are people who will drug you and steal your kidneys, which Trip can swear is true because it totally happened to his best friend's girlfriend's cousin. You can see which method I'm partial to, I guess. But wait, there's also the PSA, in which I simply inform you that the fact is that, as a body dehydrates, the skin recedes, so more of the hair and nails are exposed, and for future reference, any idea that combines "dead" and "growing" should automatically be considered suspect. Finally, there's the exasperated rant, in which I just scream to the heavens that surely Paramount makes enough dough from commemorative Star Trek underwear that they can pay for an intern for whatever rehabilitation they'll need after fact-checking the scripts. Okay, I think I'm out. Where were we?
Captain Quantum is preparing "lost dog" fliers when T'Pol wanders in. She's still fixated on the micro-singularities, and thinks she's found evidence for them in the records of what happened before the Tesnian ship crashed. Quantum scoffs. T'Pol says, "This is no myth." Maybe she's just looking for someone to dance with. She says that three singularities hit the ship, and shows him a Palm Pilot. Quantum examines the screen and marvels, "You're telling me these are tiny black holes?" T'Pol says they "dissipated" on impact with the hull. Okay, they're tiny black holes that dissolve. If there was someone watching this with me, this is when we'd stop, look at each other, shrug, and turn back to the TV without saying a word. But for once, I went against my habit of inflicting needless suffering on my friends, so I watched this by myself. Pure masochism for me. I wonder if watching Enterprise is the mental equivalent of secret cutting. T'Pol says that if they can prove she's right, this will be an important discovery. T'Pol being right would be quite a revelation, so I can see her point. Quantum notes that the shuttle pod doesn't have the same hull plating that the ship does, and worries that Trip and Malcolm just might be in trouble. He tells T'Pol to hail the shuttle and arrange for a new rendezvous outside of the asteroid field.
It's cold on the shuttle. I can tell because of the frosted windows and the foggy breath and the shivering cast members. Trip and Malcolm have bundled up like Russian figure skaters, which is to say that they aren't really bundled up at all. Well, they zipped up their jackets and put on baseball caps. Setting aside the fact that spacesuits should be standard equipment on a freaking shuttle, and even forgetting that on a multi-day trip in close quarters, I'd hope they'd bring along some spare clothes -- yes, I said leaving aside all that -- we know for a fact that there are blankets. When you know it's going to get colder, you start bundling up. Immediately. To trap your body heat close to you. While you're still warm. Argh. I have better survival skills than these people, and I've never so much as gone camping. Fine. Anyway. Malcolm's gone back to dictating "Hi! I'm dead!" letters, while Trip is playing with an erector set or something. Malcolm blithers on about how picturing the smile of whomever he's talking to gives him comfort, and finishes up. Trip reports...nothing much, so Malcolm starts a new letter. Trip snaps, "This is your fifth or sixth identical letter!" Malcolm says that there are subtle differences: "I would never refer to Rochelle as having a beautiful smile. With her, it was the eyes." Someone flips the "random character emotion" switch, and Trip starts brooding about how young his crewmates were. Malcolm wonders if the Captain would have any regrets, but Trip brushes that off: "They died doing what they loved." Well, but the Captain still might regret the fact that they died, Trip. They talk briefly about Hoshi, and Trip says he plans on telling her family "just how essential she was." In person, you see. Because he's still got those rose-colored scanners. Oh great, they're bickering again about whether or not they'll die. I wish they'd just kiss and get it over with.
Trip suggests that it's time for a last meal, although Malcolm just mentioned that they've got thirty-three hours left, so it seems like Captain Optimism is jumping the gun just a little. Malcolm isn't hungry, which supports that theory, so Trip pulls out the bourbon and proposes that they start drinking instead. Another survival fact: if you're already in danger of freezing, getting drunk is a bad idea. You feel warmer, but your body temperature falls. Not to mention that I'd save the bourbon for the last few hours. Unless maybe the plan is to be so hungover that they'll be happy to die. Trip pours a couple of shots, hands the glass to Malcolm, and says, "Live a little. That's an order!" What a great guy. Trip gulps his bourbon and pulls out...hell, I don't know. Futuristic Sterno or something. He inserts a length of wick and lights it. Burning stuff when you're low on oxygen is another loser move, if you ask me. I think Trip would be better off cursing the darkness. Malcolm asks if Trip is deluded enough to think that the makeshift candle will warm them up, and Trip replies, "The bourbon will provide the heat. The candle's just for mood." Wow -- I have no idea what that means, but I was just kidding about the kiss, guys. Trip proposes a toast to their dead comrades, and they drink. Malcolm has the sense to note that the candle is using up oxygen. Trip says, "We'll probably be dead five or six minutes earlier than we woulda been. I can live with that." Well, the point is that you can't, actually. Trip adds that Malcolm seems to think, "The sooner, the better," as far as their impending death goes. Plaintive music toodles as Malcolm and Trip have a heartfelt conversation about Malcolm's difficulties relating to people. Malcolm sniffles about how he can't get close to people, but it was different with the crew, and would you just die already? Trip blows out the candle and intones, "All of the sudden, five or six more minutes sounds kinda nice." And I think we all know what he means. The camera discreetly moves to a CGI exterior so that we don't have to watch.
Some time later, Malcolm and Trip have finally wrapped themselves in blankets. And yes, they're still dressed. I don't know where you get these ideas. Ahem. There's a bit less than half a bottle of bourbon left. A burst of static leads Malcolm to wonder if that's "the galaxy giggling at [them] again." Oh joy, they're drunk. Trip stares around and slurs, "It can giggle all it wants, but that galaxy's not gettin' any of our bourbon!" Malcolm leans in and asks if Trip thinks T'Pol is pretty. Trip points out that she's a Vulcan. Malcolm asks, "You ever noticed her bum?" Sweet Lord, take me now. He keeps saying "bum" for a while, and Trip has a slug of bourbon. I wish I had some bourbon. There's a quiet beep, and Trip rushes to the controls and tries to bring in the signal. Yeah, getting drunk was a great plan. Malcolm remembers that they can't respond, just as the signal clears up and we hear Hoshi announce that they're transmitting new rendezvous coordinates. Trip yelps, "That's Hoshi! That's impossible!" Malcolm punches Trip's shoulder and tells him not to be pessimistic, and is that the grand finale of the character development? Blink and you'd miss it. They go on laughing cheerfully instead of actually listening to the message, but finally catch the part about how the new rendezvous is in two days. D'oh. Or at least Trip hears it, and slumps down sadly while Malcolm goes on being gleeful. Hoshi also asks them to respond, but I guess there's no sense in assuming that failing to do so would indicate any kind of problem. Malcolm finally stops celebrating long enough to learn that they're both still doomed. You know, it would be pretty cool if they really did die. I mean, it'd be surprising, at least. And they'd have good odds of winning the Darwin Awards.
After another commercial break, Trip and Malcolm are...still cold. Y'know, I knew there was something bugging me about this. Remember the nitrogen? From the coolant tanks? "Coolant" implies that there's something on board that generates heat, doesn't it? This bugged me enough that I had to go and confirm that on modern shuttles, there is coolant to keep the cabin from overheating. Between the electronics and the people, there's a lot of heat being generated and the whole lot of nothing out there surrounding the ship serves to insulate it, not cool it. So this whole freezing problem is as artificial and nonsensical as...okay, everything else we've seen in the episode. I don't know why I bother; this is like shooting fish in a barrel with an ICBM. And speaking of icy BMs (was that too obvious?) Malcolm and Trip are still shivering away. Malcolm says that he's redirected them for the rendezvous point, but since they're moving "slower than a snail," they have to hope that the Enterprise hurries up. Did I miss the part where they got navigation back online? Apparently. Trip says that he can "purge the CO2 filters" to buy them a little more time. Malcolm brings up my question about whether the Enterprise will hurry up to find out why the shuttle pod didn't respond to the hail. Trip thinks it would take something "more dramatic" to get the ship there in time. When Malcolm asks, Trip confirms that by now the ship should be able to spot them on their sensors. Malcolm asks if firing their weapons would register, but Trip says that "it would all still look like a single blip." Suddenly, Malcolm remembers something that Spock did in a similar situation and...wait, that happens later. So Spock was ripping off Malcolm, now? Man, and that pointy-eared Vulcan acted like he thought it up himself. Anyway, Malcolm suggests that Trip rigs the impulse drive to self-destruct. Yes, I like that plan! Oh, and they'll jettison the engine first so that the explosion doesn't kill them. Rats. The point is that the explosion might be big enough to attract the attention of the Enterprise. Trip whines, "We'd be adrift, dead in space." Trip? Hi. You know how this episode seems to keep creeping forward despite the fact that there's been no force acting on it since the teaser? That's due to something we call inertia. If you're moving, and you jettison the engine, you're going to keep moving until something acts to stop you. "Dead in space" implies that you're not moving at all. I could excuse the fingernail thing since you probably didn't major in biology, but physics is kind of important when you're an engineer. My head hurts so very much. Malcolm wheedles Trip, who finally grouses, "I think I have some micro-detonators in here somewhere." Sure, because why wouldn't you take explosives along with you on a routine mission?
The shuttle tools along; then we see the engines shut down and drop off of the shuttle. The engine goes boom. Malcolm asks Trip how it feels to be slower than a snail. You guys shouldn't throw around the word "slow" so much; you're begging me to interpret that a different way. Trip says, "I saw a great cartoon once," and then describes a not-at-all-great cartoon about two snails riding a turtle. Great story, Trip.
The shuttle spins lazily past the camera. Okay, the explosion threw it off course. I can buy that. In fact, it seems like that might be a problem that nobody's bothered talking about. I guess it doesn't matter if they're within sensor range. Malcolm and Trip have resumed huddling on the floor, and are betting the rest of the bourbon on whether or not they have less than twelve hours of oxygen left. Malcolm checks the controls and announces, "Ten hours." Trip won, woo hoo. He has a gulp of bourbon and then hands over the bottle, so I guess he's already forgotten about the bet. Trip then notes that if there were only one of them on board, there'd be enough air to last for -- wait, don't tell me -- twenty hours! Malcolm wryly suggests, "Why don't you climb up into the airlock and seal yourself in?" Trip gets up and says, "Tell Captain Archer that it was one hell of an honor serving with him," then starts climbing the ladder to the airlock. If somebody had thought of this two days ago, they could have left the heat on. Malcolm gets irate and tells Trip to come back down. They argue for a minute, and then Malcolm pulls a phaser out and orders Trip to come down. Trip, as confused as I am, asks, "What're you gonna do, kill me?" Malcolm explains that it's set for stun. Trip climbs down and gripes, "Stop trying to be a hero; it doesn't suit you!" Then he climbs back up. Malcolm yells at Trip. Trip climbs down. I'm starting to feel like the scene is taking place on a see-saw. Trip says that if they survive, he'll bust Malcolm for insubordination. Malcolm doesn't care. Trip asks, "Just who do you think you are?" and Malcolm yanks Trip down and shouts, "Your armory officer! And perhaps your friend!" Trip notes, "Friends don't shoot each other!" Good point. Malcolm says, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure you use up a lot more oxygen when you shout! Like! That!" Another good point. Trip finally sits down again and asks if he'd rather that the Enterprise find them both dead. Malcolm says yes. Seconded. Malcolm says he'll take the chance, adding, "I've invested far too much time trying to figure you out, Mr. Tucker. I'm not about to accept that it was all for nothing." Aw, that's...something, I guess. Wait, was that the whole point?
It sure looks that way, because we cut to Malcolm waking up in sick bay. Captain Quantum cheerfully informs him, "You fellas had a nice little bout with hypothermia." Trip's still asleep or unconscious on a neighboring bed. Malcolm explains that they thought the ship had been destroyed, and chokes up. Quantum says he'll explain in the morning, and heads out. T'Pol, who's been standing there silently, starts to follow Quantum, but Malcolm calls her back. He asks, "Isn't there something [that] you're supposed to say to me?" T'Pol has nothing to say, which is a shame, since I've got a whole list of suggestions! Malcolm prompts, "Something about heroics?" T'Pol says goodnight, and leaves. Malcolm looks over at the sleeping Trip and says, "Trip? Mind if I call you 'Trip'? Sleep well, my friend." And on that ambiguous note, we're done. I should try and say something nice, right? Um. I was impressed with how they managed to make contact with aliens without ever showing them on-screen. That's budget-friendly writing!