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Eli returns from the Himalayas happy that he's been vision-free for two weeks, and quickly gets assigned the firm's biggest case in years. However, when new associate Maggie (Julie Gonzalo) pushes a workman's comp case on him (on the do-gooder side of the workers), his refusal prompts the music to start again. It seems a little odd that Eli wants to go right back to his old shallow self, given his promise to his dead father's ashes, but it makes sense in light of his denial through most of the episode about his condition. In any case, Eli's regression causes a children's choir to show up to sing "Freedom '90" just as Eli has succeeded in getting Taylor over her aneurysm-fear enough to consent to a roll in the hay, and this isn't the only vision: a small biplane seems to almost mow him down in broad daylight. Maggie lets us know more about her case: it's being brought by two married farm workers, the wife having been rendered sterile from a pesticide. Jordan tells Eli that he's a great talent, but he's worried about Eli's recent erratic behavior, and Eli tries to reassure him, but when the biplane appears to him again, he puts it together that the male plaintiff is a pilot, and realizes that he needs to take the case. Jordan expresses his worry to Taylor about Eli's behavior, and she in turn spills the beans to Patti about Eli's aneurysm, making Patti feel betrayed. This leads to a fight between Eli and Taylor, and his denial and her worry combine for some nice realism. Meanwhile, Eli's case gets more complicated when the defense attorney unearths the fact that the plaintiffs were duped into thinking they became citizens legally, and threatens to have them deported. Things go from bad to worse when the wife, under oath, admits that she had a baby before she met her husband, unbeknownst to him, and gave it up for adoption. Eli and Maggie lose the case, but on the plus side, we get our first Victor Garber musical performance, which OH MY GOD AWESOME. At the deportation hearing, Eli gets the husband on the stand and demonstrates his knowledge of the citizenship exam, and that and an overly pat speech are enough to buy them two years; a happier development is that Eli's vision points the couple in the direction of the wife's long-lost son. Eli tells Jordan that the way he plays the game has got to change, oh yeah, and I'm quoting almost directly here. Jordan -- emotionally for him -- says that he hired Eli because he thought he was the future of the company, but lets him pursue his new course, although not without some words of warning. Eli and Maggie realize that they're going to be working together a lot, and Eli resolves to tell Taylor about all his visions, to her great appreciation. In the end, Eli sees a battlefield surrounding him, but that's not enough to stop him from fooling around with Taylor on the couch. Just as well that he didn't see George Michael, because there's no way he'd put up with that. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
You guys, I'm just going to say up front that the legal stuff on this show is killing me here. I mean, you don't have to assume that everyone watching your show is a lawyer, but you've got to think they've at least served jury duty at some point? Learned a thing or two as part of a liberal arts education? Watched Court TV? Law & Order or any offshoot thereof? It's one thing to ask the viewers to accept the fantastic premise of the prophetic visions -- that's part of the beauty of narrative fiction. But to tell us that Eli is a lawyer, here in the United States, and then have the legal proceedings resemble nothing that has ever happened on Planet Earth is quite another. You have to obey the rules of your universe, even if it's fictional. Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to try not to harp on specific examples of these errors at length, because it will take me twice as long to write the recap and be frustrating for me and probably most of you. But if you ever feel like visiting the forums, there's a thread devoted to legal screwups on the show. And to use some jargon from the entertainment industry, it's got legs. Okay!
We start with a segment in which Eli sums up what happened last week in which he calls George Michael the "worst houseguest ever." Considering George's rather notorious last few years, you can't blame me for wishing Eli had gone into some more detail here. The last shot is of Eli emptying his father's ashes...
...and then he's telling some local airport (...I guess; the place looks more like a bazaar than anything else) official about disposing of his father's ashes, and how he'd now like to take the coffee can back with him. The guy, however, is not amenable, as he says that "mules" often use coffee to disguise the scent of drugs they're carrying. Eli tries to protest that he's not carrying coffee, so the guy opens the can and examines a bit of the residue and remarks that it doesn't look like coffee. I realize you're ESL here, dude, but THAT'S WHAT HE JUST SAID. I don't know if we're just supposed to laugh at the stereotype of the intransigent security guy, but this is dumb in several ways, starting with: Why didn't, and doesn't, Eli just rinse the can out? Holding on to the can as a keepsake is one thing, but being attached to the film of dust therein seems a little much, given how he disposed of the bulk of the ashes. Also, if Eli is such an amazing lawyer that he's routinely able to overcome things such as, say, the letter of the law, it's hard to believe that he's so easily hamstrung here. But the verdict is in: No can on plane, so Eli uses the can as a vessel to address his dad, asking him to ensure that he gets left alone for a while on the vision front. My guess is Dead Dad won't have a lot of luck telling George Michael what to do, but I suppose he's got plenty of his own time to waste.
After a lovely stock shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, we see Sassy Patti (the show seems to want us to notice how sassy she is, so that's what she will heretofore be called) walking out of her office telling multiple callers via headset to please hold. After literally knocking a co-worker off her feet, she continues to field callers, letting us know that Eli was supposed to be back already. Okay, fine, but is it necessary for him literally to be receiving calls every three seconds? That would add up to almost ten thousand calls a day, and I know Eli's supposed to be the greatest lawyer of his generation or whatever, but I don't think his presence in the office would be enough to take much phone burden off of Sassy Patti here. Anyway, just after a bunch of crates show up, prompting Sassy Patti to threaten Eli's life, the man himself appears with a statue of Saraswati in hand for Sassy Patti. She's unimpressed and ungrateful, and as they pedeconference, he tells her that he's been vision- and music-free for two weeks, so things are back to normal. So...does he think he's got an aneurysm, or that he's a prophet? Either way, it's hard to imagine that this is anything more than a short respite. Sassy Patti asks if that means that they're done "suing the firm" (...okay) and risking their jobs. Eli says yes, but even if they weren't, he's got a piece of paper saying he can't be fired. And as I keep saying, I'm no lawyer, but I've got to think there have to be some ways around that -- is the firm required to keep Eli on if he completely can't or won't work? This isn't the government, right? Sassy Patti makes a different but still valid point, that being that the agreement doesn't protect her. Of course, anyone who tried to can her would get a world of Sassy Hurt all over his ass, so she's probably safer than she realizes. Eli takes his leave, and Sassy Patti goes back to answering the nonstop calls that were courteous enough to take a break for exactly the length of time of her conversation with Eli.
Eli joins a staff meeting, already in progress, just as Jordan is telling everyone about acquiring a new London branch. After the polite applause, Jordan welcomes Eli back from his..."nervous breakdown," Matt loser-sneezes into his hand. And we all know, thanks to Jesse Bradford, that the loser sneeze and variants thereof were over back when Bring It On came out, so step into the new millennium, Matt. Eli overshares that he's "back" in all senses of the word, although his declaration that he won't be suing the firm again is worth it for Victor Garber's delicious response of "And we're all grateful for that." Hee. Jordan then brings up a new case ("United States vs. Salinsky", if it's ever relevant in the future); after Matt acts like a know-it-all douche some more, Eli totally snatches the case from him and then gives a gloating nod in his direction. Heh. The case, "Ramirez vs. Gro-Plus Farms," is announced in the tone of voice that Jordan might use to mention that he just sat in gum, so it's no surprise when a first-year associate, "Maggie Dekker," pipes up and says it's a worker's comp claim she brought in. This doesn't bother me because I would never have known, but I'll just quickly mention that according to the lawyers on the boards, this would never happen -- workers in these cases seek redress from the Worker's Compensation Board, not from a jury, and often the company isn't even involved, just its insurer. Also, Maggie is played by Julie Gonzalo, who was Parker on Veronica Mars, and I liked her a lot in that role but I'm not so sure about this one. Anyway, Tom Amandes (according to IMDb, his character's name is "Martin Posner," but you won't be hearing that from me again) asks how she was able to pull in such a big company as a client, but she tells him that they'd actually be representing the workers. Tom Amandes smoothly tells her that it's their policy not to allow first-year associates to take on new matters, but she replies that she thought that this case might be in Eli's "particular wheelhouse." Eli looks up, all "Who would have thought that winning a case against my own company would repeatedly come back to haunt me?" He tells her that "unwinnable cases aren't a wheelhouse," and as he'll be too busy with Salinsky, he'll pass. She tries to say something else, but he forcefully repeats himself. However, when Jordan moves things along, Eli starts to hear what sounds like a boys' choir, and if you're in tune with the episode title you'll know what's coming down the pike. Eli checks his phone just to make sure he doesn't have "Freedom '90" as his ringtone ["If he doesn't, he really should. God damn, that's a good song." -- Joe R], and then literally bangs his head on the desk, to everyone's dismay. And they don't even know about the aneurysm.
Eli is interrupting one of Dr. Chin's sessions, and Chin, not without some consternation, tells him to go away and come back later. Eli won't be put off, though, so Chin apologizes to the woman on his table, explaining, "This patient impatient." Hee. He puts her to sleep with his patented needle-tap, then comes over to Eli and goes to the Cali accent with a "Dude! That is so not cool!" Upon hearing what happened, Chin starts a lecture about the origins of choral music, but Eli doesn't want to hear it, and also doesn't know what song the choir was singing. If Eli claims he doesn't recognize "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" when it's that song's turn to shine, you're going to have to find yourself a new recapper. Eli clarifies his earlier position with Sassy Patti, saying that he thought that the visions were a one-time thing so he'd dispose of his dad's ashes properly, which admittedly makes the idea seem less ridiculous than it did before. Chin, however, thinks it doesn't work that way. Eli says he doesn't want to be a prophet. "I want to be a lawyer. A good one. The one I used to be." Make up your mind, dude. Chin tells him to follow the signs, as he did last time. "If things get really bad, come see me -- I'll give you a little needle action." I hope the woman on the table isn't an undercover cop. Chin adds that time Eli barges in, he's billing him for the session. Hard for a lawyer to argue that point. Nonetheless, Eli looks quietly offended. Heh.
At night, we see the remains of a dinner for two, and then we pan up to take in Eli and Taylor on the couch as Taylor asks what she's smelling. It's a ginormous candle that Eli got on his trip, the smell of which is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Dude, that thing is literally like, four feet tall. If everyone in your building isn't fucking within twenty minutes, I think you got ripped off. He goes for a kiss, but she resists, pointing out that the last time they tried, "it was George Michael Interruptus. Taylor's worried about the aneurysm and asks if Eli's had any more episodes, and Eli lies that he hasn't. She then lawyers that if she engages in "strenuous physical activity" with him without his "informed consent," she could be held civilly or even criminally liable for whatever happens. Someone's got a high opinion of her own ability to blow people's minds. Also, Taylor, I think all the informed consent you need is pressing against your leg at the moment. Eli climbs on top of her -- nice ass, by the way -- but just as they're starting to fool around, the choral music starts again. He tries to play it off, but then looks up, and suddenly we see stained glass. We pan around the newly-appeared church ceiling, and then down to a boys' choir singing "Freedom." (Just assume the "'90" part from now on -- the choir isn't going to lapse into the Wham! song of the same name, entertaining though that would be.) Eli and Taylor's couch is now in the middle of the church, and I'm not religious but I'd find it hard to continue what I was doing here too. Taylor asks what's going on, and Eli says it's nothing, but blows out the candle. Hee. Title card.
Eli and Nathan enter the latter's office, with Nathan remarking that George Michael followed by a boys' choir makes him a little concerned about the direction of Eli's visions. I'd point out that it's a little unfair to link George to prepubescent boys, except that "Father Figure" is the creepiest song ever and he kind of deserves it for that alone. When Eli tells him that the boys were singing "Freedom," Nathan grins, "So you're not being chased by George Michael anymore, just his catalogue." Hee. Not that that's the greatest line, but Nathan's wide grin as he delivers it is pretty endearing. These two have a fun brotherly dynamic. Eli, though, is in no mood for jokes, so Nathan talks shop, saying that he's been consulting with experts around the world, and they all think that surgical intervention is a bad idea -- it could lead to loss of motor skills and even render Eli a vegetable. Nathan tells Eli that their mother told him why he went to the Himalayas. "That was pretty...stupid of you, Eli." Nice moment there, as he was clearly going to say something emotional and complimentary, but covers here by saying the exertion was a bad idea, given his medical situation. Eli earnestly asks if Nathan thinks there could be some "greater significance" to him and their father having the same condition. Nate's like, yeah, completely! "And it's called genetics, dumb-ass. You also have Mom's eczema and Uncle Gary's terminal lameness." Heh. Nate heads out with the admonition that Eli stay off mountaintops. I know it's a convenient way to end a scene, but do doctors usually leave patients alone in their offices? Given their relationship, I especially wouldn't do it with Eli -- I'd expect to come back and find my calendar filled with appointments with the likes of "Mike Hunt" and "Haywood Jablome."
On his phone in the street, Eli's trying to be a dutiful customer and make an appointment with Chin when he notices a small biplane heading quickly and noisily at him. Instead of running into one of the numerous stores lining the street in which he could conceivably take cover, he goes prancing down the blocked-off-for-construction lane until he falls flat on his face and the plane passes right over him. He is a silly, frustrating man. Anyway, now that he's on the ground, the plane is gone, leaving nothing but a bunch of people staring quizzically at him. Apparently we're not going for hilariously ironic today, as the street repairman whom Eli bowled over in his frantic rush says nothing about a lawsuit. It's too bad -- Eli would probably sue himself if you asked him nicely. Eli gapes in disbelief...
...and then he's returning to the office, as Sassy Patti, noting his half-untucked shirt, asks what the hell happened to him. He declines to answer, but orders her to check if anyone reported seeing a biplane downtown, and then to get him a list of all the choirs in Northern California. Sassy Patti makes a mental note to check out Monster.com as soon as all those damned people stop calling. She asks Eli to where, exactly, this time should be billed, and he tells her Special Projects, which just so happens to be where the time she spends on planning his engagement party gets assigned as well. Sassy Patti wants to know why biplanes and choirs, and Eli admits that he's not sure yet and runs away...
...right into Maggie, whose name he remembers not from the staff meeting, but from all the emails she apparently sent him about her case. "People like you are the reason they invented spam blockers." And a damned shame there are people like her, because I hate having to go into my spam folder to find out where to get the best price on Cialis. Maggie tells Eli that the case is "open and shut" (good grasp of the law there, sister) but Eli doesn't want to hear it, saying that "the only illegal alien that a jury sympathizes with is E.T.. And maybe Alf." I don't know what's more offensive -- his characterization of immigrants, or the idea that anyone might actually care for Alf. Maggie sputters that the fact that the plaintiffs are farmhands doesn't make them illegal aliens, and blah blah blah American dream-cakes. Maggie goes on about how GroPlus is perpetuating one giant health crisis, but Eli's unmoved, and continues to be kind of a dick about the whole thing. You'd think he'd figure out that his dickishness toward people in need is directly correlated to the amount of music and number of visions he experiences, were it not for the fact that he's proven to be kind of an idiot about eight different times in one and a quarter episodes. He opens a door...
...and then he's following Jordan into Jordan's office. Jordan compliments Eli's trial work, but says his recent behavior has been "a cause of some concern." Eli assures Jordan that said erratic behavior was temporary, and Jordan's gratified to hear it, as the Salinsky case is one of the most significant the firm has handled in years. Jordan and Eli then start to discuss the particulars of the case, which I'm going to skip because they don't come up again. Instead, I'll move ahead to where Eli sees the biplane coming straight at the window. He stands and tells Jordan to get down before falling to the floor himself. Now, I know it would be kind of scary, but I'd think, given that Eli has already seen that this vision is a fraud, he might have stared it down rather than made a fool of himself in front of his boss and future father-in-law. But I can forgive it, because it affords us the opportunity to see the positively sublime disconcerted expression on Victor Garber's face. This character hasn't made much of an impression on me yet, but the man himself is brilliant. Eli babbles about glare on the building as he gathers up his things, but pauses when he sees a picture of the plaintiffs in Maggie's case...standing to a biplane. If this is as complex a puzzle as Eli has to solve, God's no big fan of Eli's intelligence either. Eli asks Jordan if they can continue the Salinsky discussion in a week -- "there's another case that I have to lose first." Does that get billed to Special Projects, too?
Eli and Maggie get out of a cab, the latter lugging two big notebooks to which she brightly refers as her "trial binders." She does mention that they contain "scientific studies," so I suppose they're at least paying lip service to the idea that expert testimony is important in trials of this kind (the ones that actually exist, I mean), even if they're not actually showing any expert witnesses. On the other hand, you'd think someone so well-prepared might do a better job than a precocious ten-year-old during the actual courtroom proceedings. Eli's surprised that she got all this together in the day since he agreed to take the case. Yeah, that is surprising! It almost makes you think that maybe attorneys should take more than a day to prepare their cases before they go into court! If only they could do that! Maggie tells him she figured she'd get permission eventually, so she's been working weekends. Eli jabbers about all the problems the case has, including the fact that GroPlus is sure to blame "the Ramirezes for Blanca's sterility."
The Ramirez husband, Oscar, is on the stand being badgered about safety masks. After some objections on both sides that seem to prompt the female judge to consider early retirement, GroPlus's attorney passes Ramirez over to Eli, who conducts a show-and-tell session to demonstrate that GroPlus's idea of a "safety mask" is merely a bandanna. Oscar then makes some vague accusations, none of which seem to have much to do with sterility, and then the witness gets passed back to the defense. How many times do witnesses normally get tossed about like an illegally-imported football? Anyway, the GroPlus attorney wants to know, if so many other GroPlus women were rendered barren, why they're not joining the Ramirezes in the lawsuit. Watch what I do here, Maggie: Objection! Seriously, is it his place or duty to tell this guy why other people aren't suing? The judge might allow it, but I'd ask the question, at least. Oscar tells him that everyone else is there illegally -- they didn't go to a "notario" to sign papers, and they don't want to get deported. The lawyer snidely says that he supposes Oscar is standing up for the disenfranchised. Hello? Is this thing on? Eli lets that pass, though, so Oscar can hit us over the head by saying that in America, people stand up for what is right. Oh, you [il]legal immigrants and your naïve notions about freedom and democracy. You're so cute! Eli nods vigorously like Oscar just won him the case with this Panglossian offering.
In his office, Jordan tells Taylor that he's concerned about Eli, and relates the little incident from the day before. Taylor looks discomfited, but covers well and tells him that Eli's perfectly fine. Jordan then gets an important call and asks Taylor if they can take a rain check on lunch, and Taylor smiles through her worry and says that's fine. When she turns to leave, she looks pretty upset...
...and is more so in the ladies' room, wherein she's crying when Sassy Patti just happens to walk in. Sassy Patti tries to double back out, but while Taylor's eyes may contain a few tears, she's not blind, and greets Sassy Patti nicely once she sees her reflection in the mirror. Sassy Patti tells Taylor that Eli's not back from court yet, but her mention of biplanes and choirs worries Taylor all over again. Sassy Patti then asks Taylor if she's crying because she chipped a nail, or because her roots are growing out again. You know, I really don't have much of a problem with Taylor at all, and thus Sassy Patti is now begging to be called Bitchy Patti, or at least What's Up Her Ass Patti. Taylor tells [Adjective] Patti that although she's not sure why, she knows that she rubs [Adjective] Patti the wrong way. Patti gets a sassy look on her face in response, so she's back to normal. Taylor goes on that given what's going on with Eli, they should be "uniting." Sassy Patti admits that Eli's been acting weird, but when Taylor mentions the aneurysm, she gets Patti's attention. Sassy Patti becomes Introspective Patti, but doesn't give away that she didn't know about Eli's condition as Taylor thanks her (for what?) and leaves.
It's night, and Eli and Maggie are back at the office awaiting GroPlus's attorney, who apparently has requested a meeting. Maggie's cheery as usual, thinking the guy will offer a settlement, but when he shows up, he obnoxiously orders them to dismiss the case. You see, the notario that Eli so graciously allowed Oscar to mention on the stand is a fraud -- he, and others like him, are "notorious" (har, dickhead) for collecting a fee and getting the immigrants to sign some bogus papers without actually providing citizenship. Eli looks balefully at Maggie, who tries to counter that even if that's the case, it would take months for the Ramirezes to be deported, but the GroPlus guy doesn't think so, as the rules change when the person in question is a pilot with access to a plane. I...I just don't get it. First off, for everyone to know that he's a pilot and for him to have a plane on U.S. soil, he must be licensed in the U.S., right? How could he have gotten licensed with bogus U.S. credentials? Secondly, even if I'm wrong about that, I'm pretty sure what the attorney is doing right here is a form of extortion and could at the very least get him disbarred. Doesn't he have an ethical obligation to report the Ramirezes, rather than use this information for his client's gain? Eli does in fact call his offer "blackmail," but merely rejects it, and they guy leaves. Eli then glares at Maggie all, "You've got two binders of stuff on them and YOU NEVER LOOKED AT THEIR PASSPORTS?"
The day, outside the courthouse, Eli and Maggie have apparently broken the news to the Ramirezes. Oscar is a bit slow on the America Has Its Dark Side Too uptake, as "we answered all the questions" and "we were so proud." He says he would think the authorities would be arresting the notario, not deporting them, but Eli points out that those two tasks aren't exactly mutually exclusive. Anyway, Eli has to go deal with the deportation issue right at the moment (not sure the Ramirezes would be left out on the street pending that decision, but okay), so the Plucky Strings Of Wackiness pipe up as Maggie realizes she's going to have to take point on the civil hearing. They can't delay one hearing or the other for a few hours? Oy. Eli tells Maggie to run out the clock by making "a stupid motion," adding that she should be good at that. Hey, I didn't say it. For once.
At the deportation hearing, the elderly judge is fiddling with an old-school cassette recorder, saying how hard it is to get it to work. Eli impatiently steps in and gets the tape going, which impresses Judge Methuselah here. However, he's less impressed with Eli's argument, which basically amounts to "Pleeeeeease let them stay?" He says that unless Eli can show cause why the defendants shouldn't be deported -- and here Eli cuts him off, saying he can in fact do that. Again speaking as a layman, I'm pretty sure "cause" has a specific meaning here, and showing it entails a little more than making a George-Michael-song-inspired speech. Eli asks for forty-eight hours, which the judge, after a nod from the Immigration and Customs lawyer, grants. Forty-eight hours? That's enough for two trials and a deposition or three in TV time!
Maggie is questioning Blanca, the wife, and doing a piss-poor job of it; her ditziness is supposed to be funny, but...this supposedly awesome firm hired her as an associate? I mean, she's not an intern, here, although an intern could probably do a better job. Is it not possible for the person who cares about the little people to be competent? Blanca eventually gets to tell Maggie about how she and the other women who work on the GroPlus farm go home at the end of the day covered in chemicals, and many of them can't have children either.
Eli comes running up the courthouse steps like a marionette (seriously, watch his scene again and tell me if it looks like he actually has any bones), and when he gets inside, he's thwarted by the long line to get through the metal detector at the entrance. Although they drag it out far too long, this I liked, because you know where I've experienced this kind of delay? Jury duty!
After establishing that Blanca met her husband on the farm, the GroPlus attorney points out that it stands to reason that she and Oscar never tried to get pregnant before they worked at GroPlus -- in other words, she could have been infertile already. That's a good point, and Blanca blanches (try that one on for size, Dickhead Lawyer) at the question. I thought you two answered all the questions!
We get a little montage of Eli setting off the metal detector five times (no exaggeration) before figuring out that metal sets it off. Thanks, but I've made the point several times that he's kind of an idiot. Additional evidence will not be required.
The GroPlus attorney gets Blanca on the ropes, prompting Maggie to raise an objection that is beneath me to transcribe, and then Blanca admits that before she met Oscar, she had a child that she gave up for adoption. Again, what was the timing here? She got pregnant, carried the child, and gave him for adoption in the United States? When the hell did she have time to do that? Anyway, she tearily apologizes to Oscar for never having told him, and the GroPlus lawyer brands her a big fat liar. Eli comes rushing in and asks his table, "What'd I miss?" You don't want to know, and I mean that in more ways than one.
Eli stalks out of the elevator back at the firm, trailed by Maggie, who asks for and is denied permission to speak. I don't know why he's blaming her -- that particular line of questioning by the GroPlus guy seemed sound. Sassy Patti watches as Eli and Maggie go into the conference room, and once inside, he lights into her, yelling that it's all her fault, and now that Blanca's a liar in the jury's eyes, they can forget about winning. He complains that he doesn't have "proof our clients are legal," and if that's the definition of cause, he and the Ramirezes should skip town together before the deportation hearing. Maggie drops the apologetic tone: "You're yelling at me about malpractice after you lied to a judge?" She may be generally incompetent, but that's still a damn good point. Shut up, Eli. He tells her that she's a bad lawyer, good intentions aside, but she counters that she'll get better. "You'll always be a jerk!" Once she's stormed out, Sassy Patti comes in and wordlessly, yet sassily, drops a folder in front of Eli and turns to go. He takes a look and is chagrined to discover that there are fifty-three boys' choirs in Northern California, and then asks her to find out which ones wear red-and-white robes. Sassy Patti responds, "Sure thing, boss," and I guess Eli's worked with her long enough to know that this is just a little sassier than usual, so he calls her back and asks what he did. She tells him they've worked together for eight years and her daughters call him Uncle, and when her husband left her and her dad died, he was the first person she called. "You have a brain aneurysm, and I have to find out about it from Malibu Barbie? Eli, I thought you trusted me!" Well, now we're getting off the ground with this character, at least. I'm not a huge fan of her making it all about her, and honestly, I don't like her at all, but I can at least buy this attitude as realistic. Eli says he does trust her, which earns him a sassy "mm-hmm, girlfriend" look, and goes on that the more he talks about his condition, the more real it becomes. This is a believable reason for his backsliding on his promise to his father, so I liked this as well. She asks if he's going to die, and he tells her eventually, but not any time soon. Sassy Patti: "Well, you keep anything else from me, and that's gonna change." I would have preferred at least one soft moment here, but I...er, "they" don't call her Sassy Patti for nothing.
At home, Taylor is saying that she didn't mean to blab to Sassy Patti -- she thought she already knew. Eli barks that no one else can find out, and Taylor agitatedly assures him she didn't say anything to her dad. Natasha Henstridge is doing a good job here -- she clearly loves Eli and her dad, and the difficulty of being caught in the middle is coming through. Eli says he'd never be able to keep his malpractice insurance if his condition came to light, although that concern may soon be irrelevant given that he LIED TO A JUDGE. Taylor complains that Eli won't talk about his condition or what's going on at work, and every time she tries to reach out to him, he pushes her away. Not that I doubt her sincerity, but it was only an episode ago that she was like, "Later, Defective Brain Guy." I can forgive his reticence temporarily. However, Taylor, to her credit, tackles this issue head-on, taking a conciliatory tone as she admits that she acted "horribly" when they first found out about the aneurysm, but she wants to be there for him now, and she doesn't understand why he won't let her. Eli tells her that while she may need to talk about it, he needs not to at the moment. She emotionally replies that he may be the one with the condition, but he's not the only one dealing with it. It's hard when lawyers argue! They both make good points!
The jury finds in favor of GroPlus, like, no kidding. Sad faces!
Sometime later and someplace else, Eli asks Oscar how he's doing. Oscar: "My wife had another man's baby. I've had better days." Ah, cynicism and bitterness -- we'll make an American out of you yet! Just hang out with Sassy Patti for a week, and your training will be complete! Eli tells us that Blanca had the baby right after she came to America (not buying) and Oscar adds that she left the baby at a church without even naming him. Eli asks if he's judging her for that, which Oscar says he isn't -- just for the part where she didn't tell him. Eli confides in Oscar that he thinks Blanca was scared, and he can understand, given that he's recently found out "some things" about himself about which he finds difficult to talk. Oscar: "I may be mad at my wife, but I'm not switching teams for you, as handsome and adorable as you may be. Talk to me when gay marriage is legal and you can get me a green card." Oscar advises Eli to get some sleep, as tomorrow's the big day. "I like this country. I'd hate to have to leave." They shake hands, but after Oscar takes off, Eli hears the boys' choir again. He turns around and heads into the lobby, where the choir is performing "Freedom" once more. The kids split apart, and the most awesome thing to date happens. Know that this episode is a B-minus without this bit. Jordan, spotlit and flanked by Matt and some other dude, steps forward and starts with a middle verse ("Heaven knows we sure had some fun, boy..."), backed up rather ably on the vocals (if that's his real voice) by Matt. Man, do I have to spend ages dissecting the fantasy law when I could be watching Victor Garber perform? On a more analytical note, I'm not sure if this is meant to be a sign that Jordan will be sympathetic to Eli's turn toward social justice, or, given the first lines sung, a push for Eli to change his life, or both, but I can't say I care much. Jordan jumps back to the beginning ("I won't let you down...") before ending on a high "Yeah yeah!" with everyone waving their hands and smiling triumphantly...
...and then Eli is standing right in front of Jordan in the same spot. Jordan: "Mr. Stone, given your proximity, I'm assuming there's something you wanted to say to me." Eli covers well, for once, saying that he wanted to know the make of Jordan's tie, which I'm pleased to know is Armani. You can't outfit Victor Garber in a second-rate cravat. Jordan asks if Eli has given any thought to their conversation of the other day, which is a weird way to ask if he's ready to talk about the Salinsky case. Eli says he needs another day of thought, and Jordan looks at him like he's the one that just performed "Freedom" with a boys' choir before taking off.
Eli's having a beer over at Chin's and complaining that he's followed the signs and only bad things have happened. Chin points out that it's possible the pesticide suit was just a bridge to the immigration case, and while you could point out that the latter wouldn't be happening without the former, that's probably not quite true -- it just wouldn't be happening with Eli. Chin goes on that Eli probably won't win most of his cases, and that many prophets that worked for social justice didn't achieve it in their lifetimes. Eli complains that he's getting "the ass end" of the arrangement, so Chin recites a laundry list of all the ways the Ramirezes have had things tougher than Eli has. Eli: "You may have just written my closing for me." They toast as I pray that he's kidding.
We're back with Judge Methuselah, who's having the same problems with the recorder he did the day before. I doubt he'd have such an antiquated recording system, but I also doubt he wouldn't be in a retirement home wearing a vodka helmet with two straws. Eli puts Oscar on the stand and asks him a couple questions about the Constitution and the Federal Government, and even Maggie is like, "This is your cause, Mr. Future Of The Company?" Amazingly, the judge doesn't ask Eli for his bar license right there, but lets him announce that the questions he asked are right off the U.S.'s naturalization exam. The judge still doesn't see how this is relevant and threatens to hold Eli in contempt, but Eli gives a treacly speech about how the Ramirezes came into the country in a truck because they believed in America. It gets worse as he says that in countries like Iraq, "we're seeing that the seeds of democracy don't grow on every patch of earth." Look, I'm no fan of speechifying, but I'm willing to admit that that's mostly my personal taste -- I think less is more when it comes to screen dialogue. But this is beyond-the-pale objectionable. A big part of why many, many Americans are disillusioned with their country these days is the fraudulent invasion of Iraq, and now, Eli is trying to stoke our national pride by comparing us favorably to a country whose current system of government we ourselves implemented? Shut up, Eli. Shut up a lot. Eli goes on that he's not saying that citizenship should be a prize for making it over the border, even though that is exactly what he's saying, but "Oscar and Blanca Ramirez aren't a policy. They're people." And you are a lawyer. Man. I'm happy for Eli to fight for social justice, but it means nothing when depicted this unrealistically. Am I the only Cassandra here?
But we've got our happy ending, as the Ramirezes have been granted two years to complete the naturalization process. Hugs and handshakes all around, and then the Ramirezes say that they're going to look for "our" son, starting at the church where Blanca left him. As the Ramirezes head down the stairs, you can almost hear the word "church" rattling around in Eli's head like a roulette ball until it settles into the pocket and he exclaims, "Church! That's it!" He rushes down, pulls something out of his briefcase, and sends Oscar and Blanca to a church called St. Anthony's, as they have a boys' choir that wears red-and-white vestments. She asks why he's saying that, but when he tells her it's a long story, she accepts that. Just as well -- we're at Minute 52 here.
Eli goes into Jordan's office and returns a large folder, saying he can't take on Salinsky right now. "I just think the way I play the game -- the legal game -- has got to change." Oh yeah. Jordan asks how, so Eli tells him he can't spend all his time trying cases like Salinsky. "I can't spend seventy hours a week making rich people richer." Again, if he's not going to do his job, I'm not sure that that piece of paper can protect him, and moreover, I don't know why he wouldn't want just to start his own practice. Jordan develops as a character here as he lets just a little emotion come into his voice, saying that while Eli may think him a cold businessman, his investment in Eli hasn't just been financial, nor has it been for Taylor's benefit -- "I've always thought you were the future of this firm -- my firm, that I've spent over thirty years building. And I thought that's what you wanted too." Eli looks genuinely saddened (perhaps feeling a more fatherly vibe from Jordan than ever before) as he admits that he did want that. Jordan smiles as he tells Eli he accepts his decision, but he's curious to see how he's going to adjust to his new lifestyle. "Don Quixote gave up nearly all his land so he could afford his books on chivalry. I'm wondering, Eli -- what will you give up?" Eli wishes he had a countering tale to tell about someone who made millions on the windmill-tilting circuit. Jordan bids Eli good night, and Eli nods with a faint smile. Good scene.
On his way out, Eli asks Patti if they're okay, and the response is: "I'm okay. You have a hole in your head." You guys, has anyone else noticed that Patti is kind of sassy? He tells her to keep that to herself and then goes for the hug, but she blocks him: "It's not Christmas!" If that's a catchphrase of hers, it's no wonder her husband took off. Eli leaves, and Sassy Patti watches him go with a sassy smile. Eli then runs into Maggie, who shows him a statuette and asks him if she has him to thank for it. He tells her the figure is Kali, "the Hindu goddess of annihilation. Hindus don't have a goddess of malpractice." He switches tacks, though, saying that time she's in court, she'll do better. That'd be a nicer thing to say if it weren't true almost by definition. Maggie brightly asks if there's definitely going to be a time, and Eli replies, "Only if you don't mind working with a jerk." It doesn't usually take this long on a Berlanti show, but I'll say it: Aw!
Taylor is cooking away when Eli comes in and tells her what happened with the coffee can in India. She asks why he's telling her that, and he informs her that he wants to start keeping her informed. He comes clean about the choir and the biplane, and Taylor muses that his visions sound similar to his dad's. He nods reluctantly, and she smiles and acknowledges that it couldn't have been easy for him to tell her that. He looks at her, vulnerable and exposed, but she doesn't prolong the moment, instead glancing mischievously in the direction of the candle and parroting his line about how it's supposed to be an aphrodisiac...
...and soon after, it's lit and they're making out on the couch when Eli hears artillery fire. He tells Taylor that, but she's pleased that at least there's no singing. They go back at it as nearby, a mortar shell explodes, and we pan back to see that a full-scale ground battle is taking place around them. Does the set design for his scene get billed to this episode or the ?