In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Lestrade is still living in the Brownstone, getting on everyone's nerves. Particularly Watson's, because she has strong opinions on whether someone who's sneaking off to get drunk every night should be allowed to share living space with a recovering addict. Lestrade is unable to move out and get on with his life because he's convinced he can't be a real detective without Sherlock Holmes holding his hand. So Watson convinces him to try working on the case of finding out who mugged him last night.
The main case starts with a man named Gordon Cushing receiving a box with two ears in it. According to him, they belong to his wife Sarah, who vanished three years ago. When that happened, everyone -- including the police -- assumed he killed her. And he doesn't even want her back, but he would like some evidence of her continued existence so people will stop calling him a murderer. The police confirm that the ears match his wife's DNA, so they set up a ransom drop.
The drop goes poorly, mostly because after Gordon gives his duffel bag full of cash to a mysterious man, he chases the man into the subway tunnels and kills him with a length of rebar. Holmes deduces that the man was a recovering addict, so he and Watson go to the recovery meetings he might have been attending. They run into Sarah, who's supposed to have been missing for three years. She claims that the man who demanded the ransom had recognized her and was blackmailing her before asking for ransom from Gordon.
But what about those ears? Sarah thinks the police might have been comparing the DNA to hair that came from one of Gordon's other women. Gordon admits that there might have been hair from an escort named Kendra, but she turns out to have died years ago. Finally, Holmes realizes that Sarah's plastic surgeon husband must have grown ears on her back so they could be sent in a box. So Sarah was trying to extort ransom for her own theoretical kidnapping.
And Lestrade tracks down the man who mugged him. He thinks he was set up by Holmes, who was spoon-feeding him the clues. Holmes doesn't deny it to Lestrade, but it seems like he actually didn't do it. Lestrade solved the case on his own. So good for him, right? Anyway, he's moving out, which is what's important.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Holmes is practicing the fine art of disarming a bomb. Well, I assume it's a bomb. It's got a countdown in big red numbers. Naturally, he's interrupted by Lestrade shouting about Sherlock's rooster being in his way. This allows Watson and Holmes to exposit that Lestrade's been living at the Brownstone for nineteen days. And Holmes explains that this bomb was made by a demolitions expert who sends Holmes things from time to time. He doesn't know what will happen if he fails, since he's never failed before. He clips a wire and the countdown speeds up.
Watson goes to deal with Lestrade in the video room. Apparently Romulus the Rooster won't let him at the remote, so Watson has to distract the chicken. As Lestrade turns on the football, he thanks Watson for being nice and she gently reminds him that he needs to make a decision about where to go. He has an offer from São Paulo, but he doesn't speak Portuguese. He calls Sherlock "the old cock-handler" as he tries to get her to take one of his job offers.
Now, a guy in a cab. He tells the driver, "I'm him. The guy you've seen on the news. I'm Gordon Cushing." The cabbie asks if he did it, but Gordon gets out without answering.
There's a package to Gordon's front door. He takes it inside and opens it with a letter opener while drinking some wine. And then he drops the glass because there are ears in the box. Two of them. That makes this episode a spin on "The Adventure of the Cardboard Box," which I've always thought was one of the least exciting story names ever. Calvin and Hobbes have adventures with a cardboard box; Sherlock Holmes should be aiming higher. The Arthur Conan Doyle story features Sherlock telling Lestrade to take all the credit for the case, which is something that the Sherlock of Elementary now regrets doing. It's thematic!
At the police station, Holmes learns the details of Gordon's situation. His wife, Sarah, disappeared in May 2010 and everyone thought he did it. Holmes's excuse for not knowing about this was that he was lost in his addiction at the time. A lot of these cases involve things happening in that window where Holmes wasn't keeping track of crimes, don't they? Anyway, Sarah disappeared and everyone assumed Gordon killed her. But there was no body, so it was hard to get a really good case against him. The box he received just now had a ransom demand and a note saying it contained his wife's ears. And this isn't the first ransom demand he's received; he got another one after she disappeared in June 2011. That time, Gordon followed the instructions to leave cash under a tree in Central Park. And when that was done, he contacted the cops and had no proof that any of it happened, so everyone figured he was just making it up to pretend that he hadn't killed her.
But now people are at least willing to consider the possibility that Sarah's alive. The Medical Examiner is comparing the DNA of these ears to some hair they got from a hairbrush in 2010. As he's interviewed, Gordon makes it clear that he knows he's still under suspicion. He lists phone and bank records to show that his 2011 actions really happened, but no one entirely buys it. He admits to falling out of love with his wife before she disappeared because she said and did mean things while drunk. He doesn't want her in his life. He only wants her back so people will stop thinking he's a murderer. He brought along a picture of Sarah, and the ears do look like the ones from his box. After the interview, Holmes admits that he thought Gordon seemed sincere, but that's not really enough to clear him. Watson feels sorry for him if he's telling the truth. Lestrade texts to complain that he's locked out of the house because Holmes didn't leave a key under the doormat. Holmes accurately points out that he's not really the kind of guy who does that.
When Watson gets to the Brownstone, Lestrade is looking at his reflection in the window, because he has some facial wounds. He won some money on the football, but he got mugged after collecting. He shoves a rooster off his bed and tells a story about catching Holmes balancing roosters. Watson can tell that Lestrade has been drinking whiskey in the last ten minutes, which means he's got a secret stash out back. She gets stern about how he can't drink around Holmes, and I always enjoy the moments when Watson's days as a sober companion come out. Lestrade protests that he's under a lot of pressure, then admits that he can't be a detective without Holmes. Sure, he did it before Holmes came along, but that's when he was allowed to be adequate. But now people need him to be the man he was with Holmes. He tells her, "You're the one that's with him now. You're the one that gets to be special." He warns her to enjoy it while it lasts. The difference here is that Watson is actively trying to learn to do what Holmes does, whereas the Lestrade that we've seen just takes credit without doing any of his own work.
The day, Holmes is working on another bomb. Gregson called to say that the DNA result is that the ears were, in fact, Sarah's. So she was alive as of yesterday. The plan is for Gordon to pay the ransom to get her back, which means they don't need two consulting detectives. I like that Holmes specifically includes Watson as a consulting detective. Watson notes a rooster feather, which seems like the sort of thing you get when you have roosters loose around the place. In B-Story news, Bell has sent Watson some files about recent muggings. Holmes asks, "Since when do we investigate common street crimes?" Watson asks, "Since when do you open my mail?" This is clearly a setup for Holmes's answer: "How long you lived here?" That was fun, wasn't it? She leaves.
The police have a fancy stakeout prepared in the subway. Gordon sits on a bench and a man sits down to him. Gregson is watching from a van, and he relays the description to some unknown number of police officers. The man takes a duffel bag of cash and says he'll call in an hour when he knows he's safe. Then he drops down to the tracks. Gregson seems a little surprised, but he tells his troops, "Suspect is fleeing south through the southbound tunnel." So he seems like he's on it, but Gordon panics. Gregson says to calm down because they have a tracer in the bag, but Gordon runs after him. Gregson cuts the power to the tracks and sends in the police.
They catch up to Gordon, who has killed the man with some rebar. Gordon says, "He wouldn't listen. I was just trying to stop him."
Police station. Gordon says that the guy with the money came at him. He doesn't even remember how he got the rebar. The man had no identification on him and has not shown up on a fingerprint or DNA search. If he had no partner, it's possible that Sarah's in trouble with no one to feed her. Gordon thinks he might have killed her after all. Well, he certainly killed someone.
Holmes speculates that Gordon might have set this all up. But that wouldn't explain the ears unless he's been hiding Sarah somewhere for years. And if he has, why draw attention to himself with this? Holmes is going to the morgue to examine the body, but Watson is meeting with Lestrade. Holmes disapproves.
Watson tells Lestrade he has until the weekend to get out. He looks a mess. He thinks she told Holmes about his drinking, but she just scolds him about his self-pity. She points out that Holmes is actually very picky about who he works with, as shown by all those failed replacements for Bell. So Lestrade must have something that makes him worthwhile. She gives him a couple of files that describe muggings similar to his and tells him, "Find the guy. Be a detective. At the very least, you might get your cash back. At the most, you'll realize you were never just someone else's tagalong." Mmm. Tagalongs. I mean, I prefer Thin Mints, but... hang on. I'm being told we're not talking about cookies.
In the morgue, Holmes doesn't want to talk to Bell about Lestrade. He determines that the dead man worked as a roofer. His shoes are old and had paper-thin soles, not at all like someone who collected a huge ransom a couple of years earlier. He has a keychain for a hardware store in Hempstead and two sobriety chip tattoos for 30 and 60 days. Holmes feels chips are more appropriate, because they're fragile and easily lost. I agree; I think getting a tattoo for being 30 days sober shows a remarkable amount of self-confidence. The new plan is to bring the man's picture to support group meetings in Hempstead.
Watson joins Holmes there. He no longer likes this idea, because as soon as he started talking to people, it felt it's a violation of the basic concept of Alcoholics (or whatever) Anonymous. He really does not like that, although Watson wants to save a life. Holmes also doesn't like Watson meddling with Lestrade, even though he knows that Lestrade's been drinking: "I have a nose, Watson. And eyes. And ears." He's letting Lestrade bottom out, because that's what worked for him: "He became the myrmidon of a wealthy pervert. Shockingly, it didn't work out." A myrmidon is a loyal follower. Did you not know that? Holmes feels that Lestrade needs to find his way out himself. They start to leave when Holmes spots a woman. He's confident that it's Sarah Cushing with new hair color. She is neither kidnapped nor earless.
After the meeting, she admits that she was Sarah Cushing, although now she's Allison Drake. She left with no warning because she didn't like the way he was staring at her. She never came forward, even when Gordon was being accused of murder, because she was afraid of that look. She thought that Gordon would find her and hurt her if he knew she was alive. She got sober and married a doctor. Holmes gives her a picture, and she identifies the man from the subway as Jim Browner. That's a name from "The Adventure of the Cardboard Box." She explains that Jim recognized her at a meeting. He blackmailed her for a while and then apparently went after Gordon. Watson brings up the ears. Yeah, what's up with the ears? They're Sarah's DNA, aren't they? Sarah thinks that the hairs that the police compared the ears to weren't hers. She thinks that brush was the other woman's. So the ears would be, too.
Lestrade calls Mr. Roscoe Pelfrey to ask questions. Then he looks at video. Roscoe says he came to New York for a sales convention, and he was conveniently shooting a video when he was mugged. He has a weirdly fake voice. The other guy, Mr. Phillips, also has a fake voice that could well be Jonny Lee Miller. Mr. Phillips offers to meet Lestrade for coffee, but Lestrade declines. He tells Lestrade there was a yellow bicycle with green handlebars chained to a tree when he came to. And there's one in Pelfrey's video, too.
After reconvening at the police station, Holmes asks Gordon if the hair on the brush from 2010 could have been from someone else. Gordon admits that there was another woman. He knew her only as Kendra, and he can tell them the agency she was hired from. But when Gordon was accused of murdering his wife, Kendra vanished. You can see how she might want to get out of there, right? It's weird that the police who were investigating the case didn't notice that another woman had been staying in the Cushings' place. Gordon reiterates that he spoke to Sarah on the phone in 2011. And if she wasn't kidnapped, she must have been in on it, so she must be part of it now.
The news reports that Sarah Cushing is alive and married to a plastic surgeon named Steven Edelman. Holmes and Watson are sitting around impatiently. Bell said he'd find Kendra in an hour and it's been 45 minutes. Holmes can't wait any longer and says it will take him 20 keystrokes. While he pokes around on the internet, they try to figure out what's going on with this case. Did Sarah track down a prostitute named Kendra and cut off her ears? They haven't heard from Lestrade all day, and Holmes hopes he's found his way to the gutter. Bell calls to say the escort service doesn't exist anymore. But he found a coworker. Kendra was really named Kelly Tasker, and she died in a car accident and was cremated three years ago. So that didn't go anywhere.
Holmes has laid out a bunch of papers on the kitchen table. He recaps the situation. The ears don't match Sarah or Kendra/Kelly. So whose were they? Watson points out that he's set up to the guest room, suggesting he's worried about Lestrade. Holmes says he's at the kitchen, where there's food. He's not eating anything right now, but when there's a breakthrough, he'll have a banana. Among the case-relevant files, Holmes has a picture of Alphonse Bertillon, inventor of the mug shot. Bertillon cataloged criminals and decided that no two ears are alike, which is why mug shots include a profile. The ear from the box is identical to Sarah's actual ear. So could Sarah have kidnapped someone with identical ears? It seems like a lot of work to go around looking for someone with your exact ear structure, kidnap her, cut off her ears, and send them as a ransom demand to someone who didn't even kidnap anyone. And then to make the DNA match, she would have had to stage the hairbrush ahead of time. Holmes trails off and has a banana, indicating triumph. His key realization is that Sarah's new husband is a plastic surgeon. I have a feeling that something very silly is about to be revealed.
Lestrade is waiting in a dark apartment for Shawn Mink. When Shawn comes home, Lestrade recites a limerick he wrote while waiting. That's one of the least intimidating things I've ever heard. Lestrade traced the weird bicycle to him easily, by asking people in the neighborhood. Shawn does deliveries for a local Indian restaurant, and he mugs people while he's out. Oh, and Lestrade found his own wallet, which makes it hard for Shawn to convincingly deny it. Lestrade would like his money back so he can go get a pint. Shawn grabs a baseball bat, but he can't swing fast enough, and Lestrade punches him in the face. And down he goes, unconscious. Lestrade takes a bottle off a shelf. Then he notices a feather on Shawn. He makes a "Hmm" face.
Sarah comes into the police station. Holmes asks her to touch her toes, but she declines. She'd also rather not show off her back? No. Holmes figures she's healing. She says she had some cancer removed recently, and this is where it gets silly. Remember that human ear that was grown on the back of a mouse? It was like that. Her husband the plastic surgeon grew ears on her back, then they cut them off. Jim Browner didn't recognize her; she recruited him. This all seems pretty sketchy, but Gregson has a court order for Sarah's DNA. So once that definitely matches the ears, she'll be in actual trouble.
Watson's putting away clothes in her room when she receives a text from Lestrade that says "The library. Please join me." It's weird to get a text from someone in the same building as you. When she goes down to the library, Holmes is also there, since he received a similar text. Lestrade strolls in and asks them to take a seat. He says there are no hard feelings for trying to put one over on him. He explains that Shawn was given to him on a silver platter. The other victims were very helpful. Almost...too helpful. He accuses Sherlock of having gotten the files first and doctoring them so he'd call Sherlock instead, so he'd get spoon-fed the clues. And then he found that rooster feather. Anyway, Lestrade is going to go take a consulting position with the Garda in Cork. Holmes says nothing for some time, then he stands and stiffly offers Lestrade a handshake. "Well played, sir. Well played." Holmes leaves. Lestrade tells Watson she's still in her infancy, but that she'll eventually figure Holmes out as well.
Holmes has gone back to working on another bomb. Watson asks if he was dismissive of her plan to fix Lestrade because he had his own plan. Holmes denies manipulating the files at all. Any conspiracy is strictly in Lestrade's head. And the feather is "a classic case of transference," by which he means that it was on Lestrade's clothes and it got transferred onto Shawn. He didn't deny being involved because that wouldn't help. Lestrade got more self-confidence from thinking he'd figured out a plan of Sherlock's than he would have by just tracking down a mugger. Oh, and this bomb definitely explodes when it ticks down, which is obviously more fun. Watson announces that she's staying. I didn't know that was in doubt. There was that scene where Lestrade tried to get her to look at his job offers, but she never seemed interested.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.