In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Holmes has two roosters that he saved from a cockfight because he wants to see if he can train them to be less bloodthirsty. He succeeds, and he also gets Watson to say something dirty about cocks. It's not much of a subplot unless you like chickens.
In the actual plot, a bomb was set at a lunch table containing some bankers and government agents. The investigation is complicated by the presence of Gareth Lestrade, last seen taking credit for Holmes's work in London. Now he's the personal security advisor for the CEO of the bank that lost some vice presidents in the explosion, and he's getting on Holmes's nerves by claiming he's a consulting detective. He's got an assistant called Ms. Truepenny who thinks Watson is trying to steal her job by sashaying around in front of Lestrade.
The investigation has more false trails than usual. They start with a waiter who went home early that day and seemed to hate the customers, but Holmes rejects him as being small-time. A famous bomber takes credit, but Holmes thinks the manifesto was not philosophically sound. The CEO that employs Lestrade turns out to have checked into the hotel the day before the bombing under a lavishly fake name, so he becomes the focus of the investigation. He's played by Bill Irwin (of whom your recapper is a big fan), and Holmes learns that he was spying on one of the people killed in the explosion.
After leaning a bit on Lestrade, Holmes learns that the reason is that the CEO likes to pick out random people and give them large sums of money to have sex with him, and he makes Lestrade do the negotiations. Lestrade is ashamed about that, but Holmes just finds it mildly weird, not appallingly decadent. Now that the CEO and Lestrade are basically cleared, Holmes takes a little time out to discover the name of the legendary bomber. But when the police find him, he's recently killed himself with a chlorine gas bomb, so never mind. Then a blackmail demand comes in, and Holmes realizes that everything was orchestrated by one of the people that survived the bombing, because her government job let her see a report ahead of time.
The CEO doesn't want to have her arrested, because it will mean his expensive and decadent practices will be public. But Lestrade has found his morality and insists that the murderer be punished. And so she is. And now Lestrade lives at the Brownstone, because he's been fired.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We start under a table. There's a bomb and it explodes. That moved along quite quickly!
Watson comes home to discover that Holmes has adopted some roosters in order to stop a cockfighting ring. Well, he stopped the ring, but then there were these two roosters just standing around with metal spurs, not doing anything. He wants to train the combative nature out of them to prove some kind of point about how good he is at training animals. Watson is uninterested, so Holmes asks if she has an aversion to cocks. She doesn't want to indulge him, because it's now clear that he's just doing this so he can say "cock" a lot. Luckily for them both, Gregson texts them to tell them about the explosion.
Outside the Griffin Hotel in the snow, Gregson briefs them. People from the Treasury and Labor departments were trying to sell people from the big banks on the new budget proposals. The bomb was homemade, but intricate.
Inside, Holmes looks at the carnage and recreates the scene. Two of the people that were killed were vice presidents of a bank called Whitbrook-Balsille. This is relevant because Richard Balsille, the CEO, has a security czar who insists on access to the crime scene as well as the investigation. Holmes claims he doesn't work with czars. But he's already worked with this one, because it's Gareth Lestrade! In this incarnation of Sherlock Holmes mythology, Lestrade is a bad person who was last seen claiming credit for Holmes's work. He kisses Joan's hand, which is weird. Then he asks Holmes if he's ready to match wits, which is the sort of thing you say when you're a supervillain. He's mostly acting like a pompous jerk.
Holmes takes pictures of the crime scene while Lestrade has fresh coconut water brought to him by Miss Truepenny, an aspiring consulting detective who acts as his assistant. I will tell you right now that "Miss Truepenny" is her actual name. Lestrade goes on about how he's a big media star who has invitations to do DOUG Chats. That's this world's version of TED Talks. Holmes is pretending not to pay attention. Watson says her friend from St. Bede's informed her that the two survivors are conscious and available to be interviewed. This seems like something that should have come through police channels, doesn't it? The cops have just completely washed their hands of this case. Lestrade runs off with Miss Truepenny in his wake. Now that he's gone, Holmes admits that he's heard of DOUG Chats; he just didn't want to encourage Lestrade. Which is reasonable, because he's apparently going to be taking the corporate helicopter to go eight blocks to the hospital.
The first survivor is Michelle Forrester from the Department of Labor. She's an executive undersecretary of some sort. Holmes verifies that there was a seating arrangement, but before she can share it, Lestrade gets up close to her and talks nonsense about taking a "deep dive." Now he thinks he's Derren Brown or something. Holmes and Watson leave, asking her to write down the seating when she's done with whatever Lestrade is doing. Miss Truepenny is frantically taking notes outside the room.
The other survivor was an employee. He says everything seemed normal that day, although a server named John Bowden had to go home sick after being there for 20 minutes. Bowden was unhappy with his job, tried to unionize the dishwashers and hated the customers. But this witness doesn't think he was involved in the explosion: "He's annoying. He's not a terrorist."
Out in the hallway, we learn that Bowden has still not returned home. So that's suspicious, right? Lestrade brings the seating plan to Holmes and Watson, and Holmes obligingly tells him about Bowden. Gregson calls in to say every newspaper in the city has received a statement taking credit. He reads the first few sentences and Holmes identifies it as being from a book called "Meditations". That means it's a famous bomber called Aurelius. Lestrade says they're after big game, and then switches metaphors to a shark.
Holmes is in his video room, watching Lestrade's DOUG talk. That takes up only one screen, so there's distracting static on the other ones. Watson comes up to say there's food downstairs. She also thinks he should confront Lestrade. Holmes feels that Lestrade has chosen the path of vanity, so he can't be changed. Watson thinks Holmes will be able to better focus on Aurelius if he says something to Lestrade. And is he mad that Lestrade is stealing his act or that he's getting away with it? Holmes changes the subject to the topic of the case, because he thinks the message to the papers was not sent by the real Aurelius. This latest note does not betray a true knowledge of Stoicism, which is Aurelius's trademark. And John Bowden just seems like a jerk, not an ideology-driven bomber. Watson suggests that the bomber could have been in the audience at the DOUG Chat, which would at least justify the way the show keeps calling them "DOUG Chats."
Downstairs, the rooster cages are closer to each other and the chickens seem annoyed. Holmes is examining the seating chart. His analysis of the explosion has revealed that the bomb was towards the end of the table, not in the center. This seems like something the police department's forensics team could have done for him, doesn't it? The bomb was between three people, so he thinks one of them could have been the target. There are Lawrence Iver and Christine Danoff, VPs of Whitbrook-Balsille, and Vaughn Antonelli of the Department of Labor. Antonelli is a bureaucrat with little power, so he's probably not the target. Danoff was Iver's underling, which means that it would be weird to try to kill her instead of Iver. And Iver was a "comer" who would one day have been CEO. Holmes has also noted the name Jacques St. Teton, which he says is an obvious fake. Unlike "Miss Truepenny," I guess. But there's no Saint Teton, so this silly name really is a fake. It's someone who stayed at the hotel the night.
Miss Truepenny calls Holmes, saying she has a call from Lestrade. Lestrade is just going out of his way to be pretentious. Lestrade wants the latest info on John Bowden, and Holmes updates him on their theory that Lawrence Iver was the target. He plans to ask the CEO of Whitbrook-Balsille, and Lestrade tells him he can't barge into Dick Balsille's office. Holmes is sanguine: "Well, I'm sure we'll find a way."
Holmes and Watson walk into the offices. I like the closed captions that describe one of Holmes's reactions as "(quiet, smug laugh)" here. Miss Truepenny is waiting outside Richard Balsille's office, and Lestrade is already inside. Holmes strolls in, but Truepenny stops Watson, saying, "Assistants wait out here." Watson stares at her and says, "Right." Then she walks in while Truepenny stares after her in confusion. Inside, Holmes starts asking perfectly normal questions while Balsille waves Lestrade into silence. He calls Lawrence Iver "Larry," and I realize Balsille is being played by Bill Irwin. Bill Irwin is great! Iver started out by trading distressed debt and came on the commodities desk. He had plenty of enemies, according to Balsille. Holmes suddenly stands and looks at a book behind Balsille's desk. It's a book he wrote called "Teton," which is significant. He explains that he spent two summers as a firewatcher. Holmes leaves abruptly with Watson in tow.
Outside Balsille's office, Holmes asks Lestrade why Balsille was at the hotel. Lestrade says he's (Balsille) a great man and that he (Lestrade) won't stand for harassment just because Holmes has a beef with him (Lestrade again).
Security footage at the hotel. Mr. St. Teton checked in just after 7:00. Footage reveals that it's a man in a beret. And when he turns to the camera, it's Lestrade. He gets right up close to the camera so there's no question about it. Holmes says Lestrade is clearly involved in this somehow. I'm not sure we needed Sherlock Holmes for that deduction.
Later, at the Brownstone, Holmes reveals that he doesn't think Lestrade planned the murder, although he could have been duped into helping. Watson tries to figure out a way to make it a coincidence. Holmes rejects the idea of talking to Balsille, because he's already failed to be forthright with them. And then! Lestrade is at the door! He apologizes for getting territorial. Holmes accepts his apology and claims they didn't learn anything interesting because the hotel taped over the security footage. This is a highly unprofessional investigation, which is what happens when the police hand the entire thing over to people who have grudges against each other.
Lestrade says Balsille steps out on his wife and books a room, "and we don't know about anything until it's done." So he's still lying about being involved. He turns his attention to Holmes's evidence collage and suggests that Bowden is still a decent suspect, since he's still missing. Holmes stands and shakes his hand. But he's not great at acting sincere: "I'd suggest a toast, but we haven't got any coconut water." Watson gives Lestrade his coat as a way of gently indicating that his visit has come to an end. Lestrade says Miss Truepenny gets paid a lot but isn't great as an assistant. He gives Watson his card and leaves.
She goes straight to Holmes to tell him that Lestrade tried to hire her. He reads it: "Gareth Lestrade, Consulting Detective. When you've eliminated the impossible." This show is really mean to Lestrade, huh? Anyway, Watson stole his phone.
Later, Holmes has cooked some Yorkshire puddings, which is what he does to calm down. He broke Lestrade's password quickly and then dug through his phone. Something called Operation Firewall meant that Balsille viewed Iver as a rival. Lestrade tapped Iver's phone and emails so Lestrade and Balsille knew that Iver was planning a coup to oust Balsille as CEO. At this point, Lestrade's an actual suspect, which is causing Holmes the stress that led to the baking. Lestrade calls. The police found Bowden at his grandmother's place and they're on their way to the station with him. Holmes sends Watson to the interrogation while Holmes keeps digging for info on Lestrade.
When Watson gets to the police station, Miss Truepenny won't let Watson into the meeting room because Lestrade "takes quiet time" before an interrogation. She also thinks Watson is sashaying around trying to impress Lestrade to get her job. Miss Truepenny is coming off as kind of a dummy, which makes me sad. I was hoping she was an evil genius who had chosen the name "Miss Truepenny" to throw people off her trail.
The interrogation is conducted by Bell, with Watson and Lestrade attending. Bowden insists he was hiding because he saw the news. He admits that he belongs to a web forum for post-Occupy radicals. He's posted about the government people and bankers who go to his restaurant, and someone called "Cassius" asked him for more information, and he thinks this looks bad for him. A lawyer comes in to shut him up, but Bowden swears they can search his computers. The lawyer is understandably annoyed at having a client who won't shut up. When Bowden's been pulled out, Bell asks, "This kid read killer to you?" He doesn't, really.
Lestrade comes home to his fancy hotel and Holmes is in there. He doesn't think Lestrade is necessarily a murderer, but he's got some concerns. He explains that he has video of Lestrade disabling the security camera at the hotel (that's what he was doing when he got so close to it!) and emails about Iver's coup. Holmes blames Watson for stealing Lestrade's phone. And when he got to the hotel room, he found evidence of an extensive surveillance program on Iver. He asks directly if Lestrade killed him. Lestrade protests, but Holmes says, "The Lestrade I know would not summon a helicopter to travel eight blocks." Lestrade admits that he shows off a bit, but Balsille's paranoia was correct, wasn't it? Iver really was plotting against him. Before Lestrade explains why he was renting a secret hotel room for Balsille, he drinks some expensive alcohol. The deal is that Balsille is a rich, decadent creep who went from colleagues' wives to call girls to, according to Lestrade, "Married women. Even the odd bloke." He picks someone out and puts together an offer that will get them to sleep with him. Holmes shrugs that it's mildly distasteful, but he doesn't care that much. Lestrade clarifies: "I wasn't protecting him. I was protecting myself." At first I thought this meant that Lestrade had slept with Balsille, but instead, Lestrade does the negotiating. He says, "I was acting as a rich man's pimp." Holmes still isn't all that appalled. It's possible that he doesn't get the concept of embarrassment. Lestrade moans, "You thought I was a fool before. What do you think now?"
Brownstone. Holmes believed Lestrade. And he points out that Lestrade's attempt to recruit Watson was for something relatively wholesome. So they're at a dead end. He has the police files on Aurelius, the legendary bomber. He figures he'll just find him immediately because he's Sherlock Holmes.
Watson wakes up to a rooster crowing. That makes sense, although she was not prepared to see the rooster's box right outside her door. When she comes downstairs, Holmes corrects her that she's holding the one called Remus, not Romulus. She snaps, "I don't care what cock I'm holding. I just want to know how it got there." Then she acknowledges that Holmes got her to say something sort of dirty. Well done. Now back to work. Holmes talked to someone at NASA who owes him a favor after Holmes pointed out that Pluto shouldn't technically be a planet. He has satellite heat maps of New York shortly before various Aurelius bombings. Each time, there was a big heat spike in Queens. So something was burning at several thousand degrees, like the magnesium tape that Aurelius uses. Zoomed-in maps narrow it down to a house in Woodside, Queens, residence of unemployed engineer Mason Caldwell. So it's time to go pick up Aurelius!
The police are arrayed in wait. Lestrade barges into the car where Holmes and Watson are staked out. He's angry, although Holmes says, "I pursued a theory -- developed by you, I might add." He points out that Watson was happy with this development, but Watson says, "Please don't drag me into this." Caldwell isn't home, but they're getting a warrant based on some boxes from a chemical company. When the police smash in the door, Mason Caldwell is dead. He was working on a chlorine gas bomb and he collapsed on the magnesium tape. Holmes has found his notes, and this bomb was going to a biotech company. So Aurelius is off the hook for the case Holmes is supposed to be working on. And he's dead.
Brownstone. Holmes is not answering his phone because it's Lestrade. For some reason, he's made Lestrade's ringtone Daniel Powter's "Bad Day." He blames Lestrade for the lack of success so far, although Watson points out that tracking down a notorious bomber should count for something. "We had a bad day" comes out of Watson's phone, then the landline rings and someone's pounding on the front door. Lestrade barges in as soon as the door's open, because someone has sent Balsille a blackmail threat with dates, names, and times. Holmes and Watson deny telling anyone. The blackmailer wants Balsille to make hundreds of stock trades, spread across all divisions of the company by a week from Friday. Holmes notes that it seems like a very specific deadline. And then he laughs. The government's monthly jobs report comes out that day, so he's cracked the case.
Balsille is in his office when Lestrade comes in with Holmes and Watson. They know who's blackmailing him. Lestrade nods to Holmes and says, "It's his solve. He's quite a remarkable detective, actually." Holmes explains that Antonelli, the bureaucrat who sat nearest to the bomb, had one perk: he had early access to the monthly jobs report. And the woman who now stands to succeed him is Michelle Forrester, who was the surviving witness we talked to earlier. She was at the table, but at the other side of the table, which you could organize if you were the bomber. When Antonelli died, she got his title and early access to the report. And when she was young, she was an intern at Whitbrook-Balsille who immediately got a great apartment and job at the Department of Labor. So she was able to blackmail Balsille because she was one of the people he bribed into having sex with him, although she'd have had to have found some other contacts. Holmes would like a complete list of Balsille's conquests, which would mean that everything would go public. Balsille suggests just giving into the blackmail so nothing goes public. Lestrade stands firm: "I don't let murderers go free." So I guess he found his ethics.
At the hospital, Forrester is put in a wheelchair by a man named Guillermo. Then she's arrested.
Brownstone. Holmes prepares to reunite the chickens. He turns off a call from Lestrade. Watson leaves the room and watches from around a corner. When Holmes opens the cages, the roosters approach each other carefully. There's a pounding at the door. Lestrade barges in and says he doesn't have a hotel anymore. He gets to stay at the brownstone if he promises not to agitate the roosters. The chickens seem relaxed, so Holmes is now a genius at calming down birds. Watson sighs, "We own chickens, don't we."
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.