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The episode starts with two underwear-clad ladies dancing for Holmes's pleasure. Well, it really starts with almost an hour of the Super Bowl, but we'll ignore that for now. Even the dancing ladies are mostly irrelevant, because they're a pair of thieves that make a habit of handcuffing men to chairs and then robbing them blind. Holmes was anticipating this, so he lets the police in to arrest them.
In the actual story, there's Howard Ennis, a serial killer who's been brought to a hospital so he can donate a kidney to his sister. But he uses mystic arts of the East to pretend to be anesthetized, and then he kills the surgeon and escapes. Those serial killers can be tricky. That's why the FBI sends in Kathryn Drummond, a profiler who's worked this case before. Holmes gets all touchy and angry, because he thinks profiling is ridiculous nonsense, unlike his "deducting," which is of course entirely scientific.
Holmes and Drummond agree that Ennis is probably going to lay low and change his appearance. But what he actually does is run right out and kill everyone in a store, then have someone take his picture. There's also a ridiculously convoluted clue from the hospital, but it's such an obvious red herring that nobody takes it seriously. The real question is why Holmes is so angry at Drummond. It turns out that when they worked together, he slept with her. And then she wrote a mean article about him called "The Deductionist," in which she predicted his self-annihilation from drugs.
It turns out that Ennis is angry at Drummond for claiming that his parents abused him, which resulted in his father's suicide. And his sister didn't really have a bad kidney. So she was in on it, which Drummond only finds out by getting stabbed in the neck. That's what she gets for not answering her phone.
Holmes tracks Ennis to his secret lair, which is an abandoned building that's simply overflowing with chandeliers. Then he provides a brilliant game of wits involving handcuffs and a pistol, but it just ends with him beating Ennis to a pulp with a heavy stick.
And in the other story, Watson apparently has her own rent-controlled apartment somewhere. And she's in danger of being evicted because she sublet it to a guy who shot a porn movie in there. The stakes are pretty low, since we've never seen the place before.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Elementary started late tonight because the Super Bowl Blackout. Remember that weird ad about how God created farmers? That's what was on when the show was supposed to start. We actually kick things off an hour and ten minutes after it was scheduled to start. Which is only 8:10 here on the West Coast, so I don't really mind that much.
Okay! You know that song about how the singer is the cat with the bass and drum? She kind of screeches like a monkey at one point? That's what's playing when the show starts. Two attractive ladies are dancing around in their underwear while Holmes sits on a chair shirtlessly. They handcuff him to the chair and then suddenly shut off the music. They announce that they're robbing him. One of them has rubber gloves with blades on them as she demands to know where he keeps his money. Holmes reflects on their habit of attacking "innocent whoremongers" and then calls the cops in. It was a trap!
The morning, Holmes practices with a "Single Stick," hitting a dummy in a target in its forehead. Watson comes in and says she has to go deal with her apartment because the subletters have been causing problems. Holmes thinks she's crazy to maintain a New York apartment, but it's rent-controlled. Holmes beats the dummy up.
A prison van drops off a balding, squinting guy named Mr. Ennis. It's Terry Kinney! I'm excited by this because I was a big fan of Oz and I always thought McManus should spend some time as a prisoner. And now he is! He's here to have his kidney removed and put in his sister, although he's not allowed to see her. He's also allegedly a scary person, which is conveyed by guards being very careful around him.
Ennis is all handcuffed up, even as they prepare to operate. He's injected with anesthetic and he counts down from twenty, as is traditional. He seems to eye some scalpels, but his heart rate goes down as he falls asleep. The doctor has the handcuffs removed because surely it's safe now. And then the anesthetist notices that the anesthetic isn't really entering the vein. It's just pooling up in his arm. Ennis takes a scalpel and starts slicing people up until he can get a gun. Then he shoots them!
Holmes and Watson arrive in a cab. Gregson tells them the story so far. Well, the Ennis part. He doesn't cover the football game or the stripper-thieves. Holmes says all of Ennis's victims were blonde and over 5'7". Watson supplies that he was called "The Peeler." Holmes objects to giving him a cool nickname because he believes that serial killers aren't nearly interesting enough to deserve cool nicknames.
In the room where Ennis conducted his murderous escape, there are several dead bodies and some pools of blood. As you'd expect. Holmes looks around and then carefully steps into the corner. One of the bodies has been stripped. Holmes explains the whole technique of letting the anesthetic pool up, which he knows because he spotted some diluted blood on the stretcher. And he talks about "the fakirs of Bangladesh" and their meditative techniques to explain the lowered heart rate he would have needed in order to appear unconscious. That phrase is entertainingly old-timey. Anyway, Ennis wrote "SHEDIR" on the doors in blood. Holmes and Gregson explain that it's a star, more normally called "Alpha Cassiopeia." It's the southernmost star in Cassiopeia. And there's more news: the FBI is involved because it's a serial case.
The FBI profiler is a tall blonde woman named Kathryn Drummond. You would think considering the fact that she's a blonde who's over 5'7", the show would make a big deal out of her being Ennis's type. But it never comes up. Holmes says he's worked with her before. And he doesn't seem impressed by her: "She's a buffoon. All profilers are. A snake-oil salesman who casts maladjusted closet cases as criminal geniuses in the media. The profilers, in turn, can be super geniuses when the killers are caught." He clarifies that he, himself, deduces. Which is different from profiling somehow. She wants to know where Gregson is so she can get some police to search the neighborhood. But Holmes thinks she should talk to Ennis's sister Patricia (who's also named "Ennis") first. Then he backstories about how she was sued for libel when she claimed that Ennis must have been sexually abused by his parents.
Patricia tells Gregson that she blames herself for her brother's escape. She didn't want any part of Howard inside her (she's talking about his kidney, weirdo), but the doctors told her a sibling would be the best match. Holmes asks if she knows where Howard might have gone, and she ignores him. Rude! She sees Drummond on the television and makes a point of saying how Drummond captured Howard once before. Holmes fumes.
Watson's place. Which we've never seen before and will probably never see again. The super is working on her radiator, and they have some awkward banter about it. To be fair, most radiator-based banter is awkward. It turns out that some people on the third floor have a son who was looking at porn on the Internet, and it was made in Watson's apartment. She sublet to a pornographer! Gasp!
Holmes lies on a table in the police station. Watson comes in and doesn't mention it because she's more concerned with her impending eviction. Holmes offers to help her, but she doesn't want to live in that place anymore. She feels violated. Okay, back to the real plot: Holmes has drawn Cassiopeia on the ceiling, with the outline of Manhattan around it. If the first murder is this one star, then Ennis is planning on killing people at these other places, et cetera. He thinks it's a fake code, but he sent the police to the other stars' locations anyway. Also, Holmes admits that he had sex with Drummond when they were working together. Loud, loveless sex. He's very clear on the matter.
Holmes barges into Drummond's meeting with Gregson. He feels that Ennis is going to lay low and change his appearance. The star thing is clearly a red herring. But that's what Drummond said too, so Gregson happily leaves so they can glare at each other. As long as their recommendations are the same, he doesn't care.
At a bodega (that's what a convenience store is called in New York, right?), a blonde woman shops. But who's that guy behind her? He's wearing a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses, and it's obviously Howard Ennis. He shoots the clerk and the other shoppers, and then asks the blonde to take his picture with her phone. He takes off his hat and sunglasses, and he still looks about the same as he did before. This improves the effect when he holds up a newspaper with his picture.
The cops (and the various consultants) are now there. Gregson is vexed that Ennis shot everyone except the one person who matches his profile. And he didn't change his appearance or lie low at all. So what's the point of having all these consulting detectives and FBI profilers if they're going to be wrong all the time? Drummond admits that it's out of character, but she figures that the register was robbed, which could mean that Ennis he just needed money. Holmes says he picked a low-cash place, and also that her theory doesn't explain the woman he didn't kill.
Watson returns to her apartment to yell at Cooper, her tenant. She's angry that all those people had sex on her couch. Cooper says he wanted to do a documentary about child soldiers in the Sudan, but he needed to raise money. So he went back to porn. She stomps out. This subplot is doing nothing for me, possibly because I have no reason to care about the apartment Watson has but never uses.
Back to the brownstone. Holmes has papers all over the floor. He's studying the Ennis case instead of running around helping out on the manhunt. Watson suggests that she knows why Holmes dislikes Drummond. And it's not because she's "a bile-spewing pig-woman" as Holmes suggests; it's because she wrote an article called "The Deductionist" about an unnamed British detective with a lot of crazy behavioral and emotional issues. He's mad that she was profiling him while he tried to tutor her. He was also annoyed that she correctly predicted his addiction. And she made other predictions, too! What if they all come true?
Police station. Gregson yells at Drummond about how she's supposed to be the Howard Ennis Expert. She admits that his actions contradict everything, and Watson suggests that maybe he's trying to confuse them. Bell busts in. Ennis is on the phone! He's using a cellphone, which is crazy on account of it being easily traceable. Gregson puts on the speakerphone and Ennis assumes that Drummond is in there. He tells her she's not aging well. He's about to explain his plan, and Holmes interrupts him. His conclusion: "You detest her because she solved you." And now he's purposely violating her profile to prove that he was never solved. This is clearly also the way Holmes feels. Ennis decides he's "The Deductionist," based on the accent. And yes, he wants to humiliate her because of what she did to his family. Well, his father, who she alleged to be an abuser. He seems less concerned about his dying sister. Ennis's father hanged himself, and then his mother died less than a year later. He blames Drummond: "You want me to stop doing what I doing, Captain Gregson of the NYPD? All you have to do is give me Kathryn Drummond." Holmes thinks it's a fine idea.
After a commercial, the police enter a warehouse where dressmaker dummies are hanging from the ceiling. Holmes points out the standard newspaper clippings and journals. He finds it all so obvious. Drummond thinks there must be something useful here, but Holmes says Ennis led them here by leaving his phone there. It's an incredibly cliché setting, but I guess the show justifies it by having it all be an obvious setup. Holmes harasses Drummond out the door so he can follow her. In her book about Ennis, she had an anonymous source about abuse, which Holmes seems to imply could have been fake. Holmes points out that in "The Deductionist," she used quotes from him that were said privately. She was confident with her abuse allegation because all the other murderers like him were abused. She feels no guilt about Ennis's new killing spree, because he never needed a reason to kill before.
Watson and Holmes in the brownstone. He admits that Drummond mostly got him right. But Watson says Drummond says Holmes could never make a friend. Then she has to clarify that she means herself. Watson is the friend she means. Holmes looks at her blankly. Watson's belief is that people change, so Drummond's predictions might not be right. Then she learns that Holmes is watching the porn set in her apartment. He complains about the continuity gaffes. A clock goes 11:20, 1:00 and then 11:20. He objects to the sloppiness in production values. Also, he thinks she should replace that spatula the one actor is about to befoul. She studies the movie and pauses it at a spot where the radiator is shown.
Holmes wakes Watson the morning by babbling about how Gregson wants them to go look at a disturbance at Patricia Ennis's home. But when they get there, it's a false alarm; the neighbors just threw stuff through her window. It's weird that they couldn't tell Holmes and Watson that before they got there. Watson is interested in Patricia's food: it's all stuff that people with kidney problems shouldn't eat. Holmes checks through the rest of the kitchen and seems to agree. One glass smells of frankincense with a hint of carrot seed. And there are essential oils around, so they conclude that she took them to cause renal failure in herself. Gasp!
Drummond speaks to Patricia in her hotel room. Drummond admits that she made up a source and then paid a neighbor to say he was the source. She apologizes for what happened to her parents and her. "I even owe your brother an apology." She ignored a phone call during this, so she foolishly sits to the bed when Patricia says she can't speak clearly. Patricia grabs some scissors. Bell gets the call out in the hallway, but when he busts into the room, Drummond's been neck-stabbed. Patricia says, "You can arrest me now. It's done."
With the whole team there, Patricia explains her motives, which I think we've already covered: she was mad that Drummond accused her parents of sexual abuse. She objects to the word "allegations" because she prefers "lies." Her brother got a cellphone a year earlier (somehow; remember he was in prison) and called her on the anniversary of their father's death. She felt that the plan sounded right: Howard would be out there humiliating Drummond, and she'd wait for Drummond. She doesn't mind dying now, which is good because she's done a lot of damage to her kidney.
Bell comes up with a cellphone. Ennis is on the line! He's calling through a router, and he fiddles with a radio while he's talking. He's in a room full of chandeliers, for some reason. He says he'll have to keep making his point. Holmes finds another radio and fiddles with the tuner. The station Ennis was on is weak where they are. He's off! Boy, it's a good thing that Ennis was listening to a radio and fiddling with the tuning knob while he talked on the phone, the way no one ever does. It's also a good thing Holmes was able to find another portable radio with a manual tuning knob so quickly.
Ennis pops a lock and creeps through a stairwell. It's like a chandelier museum in here. Seriously, I don't want to dwell on it, but there are SO MANY CHANDELIERS. Holmes is already inside the hideout! He welcomes him in, mentioning that he has his gun. He explains that the Columbia University station is very weak, and it barely overlaps with a Greek micro transmitter. So the snippets he heard over the phone showed him where Ennis was calling from. That's the point. So he picked the empty building in the area. He'd like to talk about them both being profiled by Kathryn Drummond. The term she used for Holmes was "self-annihilation." He thinks Drummond's good, and he wonders if she might be right about his ultimate fate. She believed that Ennis was basically a coward who would shrink away from confrontation. Holmes brought a gun and handcuffs. If Ennis is truly a chicken, he'll choose the handcuffs. But if Drummond was wrong, he'll take the gun.
Ennis asks, "Is that what you're terrified of?" Holmes: "That and clouds." Holmes warns Ennis that he'll attack him if he goes for the gun. He does go for the gun, but then he gets thoroughly walloped by the stick. Remember the stick? From the beginning of the episode?
Holmes comes out of the building (which is surrounded by police) and reminds Gregson that he texted him as soon as Drummond entered the building, so he shouldn't get in trouble for confronting the murderer himself. And he won't know if he learned anything for years.
Watson's place. Bruce is still working on the radiator. Watson says that in some shots, there was tape around the radiator and some there weren't. She concludes that Bruce was there during the whole shoot. Perhaps he was trying to evict her from her cushy rent-controlled apartment? He tries to deny it, but she already checked with the actors, and he was definitely complicit in the production of pornography. She wants Bruce and Cooper to pay for putting her stuff into storage until she finds a new place. Also $1200 for a new couch.
Out on the street, Holmes tells Watson that Drummond is still unconscious. She survived, huh? Good for her. And he got Watson a new spatula. And also a toothbrush, although he will not admit to anything specific he might have done to her toothbrush. They cab away across a bridge.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.