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There's a new killer in town… and it's Vinnie Jones! He likes to kill people by setting up an enormous tripod in their homes and then letting all their blood pool up on the floor before vanishing without a trace. Holmes recognizes this as the Modus Operandi of "M," a mysterious serial killer he tangled with in London. And that's who killed Irene Adler, so his plan is to find him, torture him and kill him.
He finds him pretty quickly, thanks to a reference to the Baker Street Irregulars, and soon Holmes has Vinnie Jones chained up in an abandoned loft, all set for torture. But Vinnie successfully argues that he didn't kill Irene, although he admits that he killed everyone else. So Holmes stabs him non-fatally and takes him to the police. He does not mention his plan to hunt down and torture Vinnie's boss, the mysterious Moriarty.
But the real action is in the Holmes-Watson relationship, because this is the episode where Watson was supposed to finally leave Holmes. There's a lot of talk about Holmes filling her bedroom with bees, but she admits that she'll miss working with him. And when Holmes is shaken by learning that Vinnie Jones isn't the one he wants to torture and kill, he admits to Watson that he'll miss working with her, too. She tries to get Holmes's father to extend her Sober Companion contract, but he declines. She then lies to Holmes and says his father said yes. So she's staying around, but she hasn't officially admitted that she wants to be a detective yet. Although she did advance the plot by the very Sherlock-Holmes technique of recognizing the white powder on Holmes's shoes at one point.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Someone puts together some tubes while watching Manchester United beat Arsenal on television. It's a good thing those are famous teams, because it relieves me of the problem of deciding whether to call it "soccer" or "football." Although I think there's a chance I should have called them "clubs" instead of "teams." Someone's tied up in the background and I'll just tell you now that this is the victim. The non-victim has made his tubes into a giant tripod. He's got some kind of block and tackle operation going, so the victim can get hung up by his feet. He seems to object. There's even a winch! This is pretty fancy. There's also a big wall full of books, but they don't look all that accessible because it's one of those rooms with thirty-foot ceilings that you see in television shows and on interior design blogs. Once the victim is hanging upside down, the bad guy starts to cut his throat. Oh, and the bad guy is Vinnie Jones. He plays a lot of bad guys! It's actually the second time I've recapped him as a villain, thanks to him appearing on The Cape.
And now: bees! In the living room of the brownstone, in fact. Holmes claims he's studying how they deal with the indoors and he's thinking of making Watson's soon-vacant room into an apiary. She mostly ignores this because she wants to arrange an exit interview. They talk to each other through the hive (which I mention because it's a fancy shot that someone's probably pretty proud of), then Gregson finally calls so we can move on with tonight's mystery.
The victim was a CPA named Ian Vickers. But there's just blood on the floor. Watson is surprised that all this blood is from just one person. Frankly, there should be about four times this much. Watson's not a very good doctor, if you ask me; she should know how much blood is in a person. Holmes studies the blood as Gregson explains that the place is completely clean, with no clues of any kind. Holmes announces that there was a tripod device because there are marks on the floor. The villain drained Vickers and took the body with him. And he didn't deduce any of this: "I've stalked this particular madman before. In London."
Holmes explains to the police (who are mostly sitting at their desks listening politely) that the villain is "M." We all assume it's "Moriarty," unless we jump to "Mycroft" because we've read The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. M has a body count of 37 ("in a row?!") and he's never been photographed. He's got no victim profile, killing people aged as young as twelve and as old as late-eighties. He dumps their bodies in the ocean. This all seems very elaborate. You'd think there'd be a chance of getting caught if you're constantly toting exsanguinated corpses out to the beach. Bell goes off to alert the coast guard. Gregson confirms that "all twelve pints" of the blood were the victim's. Holmes says there were rambling letters to the police, but he thinks they were a feint to make people assume M is crazier than he is. And he kills in bunches, so watch for more, because shows like this don't really work if someone kills once and then doesn't follow up later in the episode.
Holmes strolls into another room to look at files. He's pretty cheerful now, which disturbs Watson. He explains that this represents a second chance at M, now that he's not an addict. Gregson asks why M would have come to New York so soon after Holmes. That's a valid question. Gregson is posting a couple of uniforms in front of the brownstone, just in case. Holmes tries to wave this off, but Watson thinks it's a good idea. Gregson leaves and Watson says she wants to help look through Holmes's files on M. She offers to take them with her on this appointment she has, but Holmes nixes this. He says she's become a crutch, so he has to retrain himself to work without her. She's kind of disappointed.
Watson's meeting turns out to be with her therapist. She thinks Holmes is ready for her to leave. The therapist points out that Watson found Holmes's work invigorating, so Watson unconvincingly claims not to want to be an investigator. The therapist says that "short of your client falling off the wagon," her time with Holmes is coming to an end. This is so clearly meant to be foreshadowing of Holmes getting back on drugs that I assume it's a bluff.
Somewhere, a woman takes her robe off in front of a giant window. Vinnie Jones oils in... and puts money on the end table. He wasn't about to kill her at all! She asks what he does and he just stares at her. He's very good at being menacing, isn't he? He turns on the television and dismisses her attempt at a lap-dance with "The Arsenal are playing." She leaves, probably doubting her own status as a super-hot lady. Vinnie's phone buzzes and it's a text full of gibberish. He answers with gibberish of his own and opens a suitcase. He takes out a baggie of cut-out letters.
Holmes and Watson meet up at the morgue to look at the corpse of Ian Vickers. Watson says the oil in the hair suggests that he was dropped at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. "I'm gonna miss this," she admits. "Maybe not this so much." Meaning hanging out in the morgue. "But this. Working with you. I think what you do is amazing." She has a whole speech prepared about it. She decided not to wait for their wrap-up dinner, because that's probably not going to happen. Holmes looks nonplussed, because of her heartfelt speech, not because the dinner isn't happening. Probably.
Brownstone. It's after eleven, so Watson wants to talk about what to order. Holmes tells her to shut up because there's a note taped to a lamp. Holmes: "I believe our home has just become a crime scene."
The note says: "Men make plans. God laughs. I am laughing at you now, as I always have. You think you honour me with your pursuit. You do not. You are a mouse chasing a lion, a mere planet in orbit of a raging sun. -M" It looks like letters cut out from magazines, but in this shot, it actually looks more like a printout not little bits of paper taped down.
In the shot, though, Gregson reads the note and this time it's definitely clippings of paper attached to a bigger sheet. Holmes says the lock on the back door was picked. Gregson wants to send Holmes and Watson to a safe house, but Holmes figures M wants the game, not to kill him. He claims to be safe as houses. And Watson says she goes where Holmes goes. So she's staying. Gregson's attempt to protect their lives is foiled.
Later, Watson is about to go to bed. Holmes is on the Internet looking at a different abandoned home his father owns. I will briefly mention that the picture on the web page has a bunch of white powder on it. No reason! Just thought I'd make sure that important plot point got mentioned. Don't worry about it! Holmes is just looking for a possible new home. He's not worried about M's note, but he's still not delighted that his house isn't madman-proof.
Than, as soon as Watson is gone, Holmes grabs a hollow book from a high shelf. It's got a hidden camera in it and he quickly gets to the footage of M (Vinnie Jones) leaving the note.
M is out on the street and he does not want to buy some knockoff Gucci shades from this kid who's bothering him. He's watching a woman with a dog enter an apartment. He shoves the kid and leaves.
Watson is in bed composing her final assessment for Holmes's father, who is listed on the computer screen as "M. Holmes." She's having trouble with the first sentence.
Later! The doorbell buzzes. That young man from earlier is introduced by a police officer, who says that he was told to stop anyone from entering. The young man says he was looking for Sherlock. But he's not a "friend" of Holmes, because he doesn't have friends. So he's an associate. Watson shoos the cop away and the kid asks if she's a hooker. Nope. Anyway, Holmes once spotted him and a friend running a scam and decided not to turn them in. So they do some spying for him, which makes them the local Baker Street Irregulars. And recently, Holmes hired him to find this guy in a picture. The picture, of course, is a shot of Vinnie Jones creeping around the Brownstone. The young man elaborates: "He's a Brit, just like Holmes said." Watson is sort of listening, but she's distracted by looking for the hidden camera. The kid would like to get paid.
Holmes comes home. Watson is glaring at him. She would like an explanation for Teddy. I would like an explanation for Teddy not being given a name in the last scene. Do you think I liked calling him "the kid" all the time? Watson also complains about the hidden cameras, of which she found three. He explains that the Brownstone is his sanctum sanctorum so naturally he's got some security. She says he sent children to look for him at fancy hotels, which she considers reckless. And also, why hotels? The answer is that M has fancy driving gloves and shoes in the video. So he's rich and new in town. And on the note, there was a scent: high-end hand soap and a higher-end mint shampoo, both of which are used in hotels around town. Question: why is a bald man using shampoo? Holmes brings up Irene Adler and Watson realizes that M killed her. Holmes solemnly says, "I have no intention of capturing M. I have every intention of torturing and murdering him." Nice! It's a twist!
After the commercial, Watson is outraged, both at Holmes's plans and his calmness. He explains that he has a calm exterior but is roiling inside. He's been planning this for one year, six months and twenty-two days. He and Irene had been together for seven months. As he talks, he collects doodads and tools from around the place. He says that his drug use had been recreational before her murder. But after Irene, he lost control. He used various stimulants to stay awake for the chase, and then he turned to opiates when the trail went cold. He has a butterfly knife! And an icepick in the fireplace. He says there's a frightening clarity to his thoughts. Watson says she didn't keep him clean so he could become a murderer. Then she realizes he wanted her away from the files because she'd see the name "Irene Adler" in there. She says she won't follow him, but she will call Gregson. He says she should do as she feels she must. Then he leaves with a bag full of murder tools. Which is practically any kind of tool, really.
Holmes finds Teddy and offers money. "Tell me everything you saw today." The scene ends, but we are to assume that Teddy does so.
A woman sits on a couch watching television. Her tiny dog starts barking. She asks, "What is it?" and gets up to investigate. This is totally unrealistic. The actual response is "Shut up, you stupid little dog! There's nothing out there!" I know this for a fact, because I have said exactly that several times during this episode. But now the dog is curled up to me on the couch and is being very sweet. Anyway! On the television, the dog was right. The woman follows it carefully and sees it eating a hot dog on the floor. Her front door is open! She backs up toward a phone. And then she's grabbed from behind by M.
Watson shows Gregson the picture. Gregson is angry that Holmes kept the police out of the loop. Watson says it's the Betancourt chain. And she thinks they need to look for Sherlock quickly.
The woman, now tied up, wails while M watches the football (I decided to call it that instead of "soccer") and sets up the tripod. He complains about a referee call on the television. And suddenly Holmes is there, snarking at him: "Arsenal fan. As if I didn't have enough reason to despise you." M: "You." Holmes: "Me. Baton." Baton, indeed. To the face! M goes down.
M regains consciousness in a room with bees and tools. He's chained up to a structure of some sort, which I realize is a bad description. He's hanging from his wrists, which are about six feet apart. Holmes apologizes for hanging him right-side up. And he admits that he doesn't know where he's starting. He considered working in the bees somehow, but then he realized that M might be allergic, which would end the torture too soon. M claims not to know who Irene is, but then he remembers it being a year and a half ago. And he denies doing it. He was "banged up in Brixton for six months" for fighting with someone over Arsenal. He apparently read about a copycat while in there. Holmes says he thought M would be a better liar. M claims to be an ex-Royal Marine, for whom death is an old friend. Holmes: "How about torture? You made me a shambles of a man. I'm just returning the favor." Punch!
The woman (from before? The most recent potential victim?) is in a hospital so she can get interrogated by Gregson and Watson. She doesn't remember much from her ordeal, but the second man (Holmes) said she should wait ten minutes and call the police. She adds, "He even said please." The second man had some kind of white chalk on his shoes. Watson remembers that scene from earlier, where Holmes was looking at his father's other buildings and there was white powder everywhere. She doesn't have an address, but Gregson has a plan.
M is bloodied, but still sassy. He thinks Holmes is a ponce. He's also curious how Holmes got over to New York so quickly. Holmes says M left a note in his apartment, so he obviously knew he was there. M is thrown: "That was your place?" He elaborates, "I'm not what you think I am. I'm not a serial killer. I'm an assassin. I have an employer." Holmes still calls him a terrible liar. He's also a terrible assassin if his preferred technique involves all this tripod-bleeding-dumping stuff. And did somebody really hire an assassin to kill a twelve-year-old? That's harsh. Anyway, M is now angry at his employer: "He sold me out. He never told me you were here." All the "serial killer bollocks" were his employer's instructions. I guess that includes the tripod stuff. He says he gets coded messages on his cellphone, which is in his jacket. Holmes is willing to check that out. He pronounces the texts "Gobbledegook." M says his name is Sebastian Moran. And sure enough, there's a news story about Sebastian Moran being arrested with a picture of Vinnie Jones. Holmes is unsure of this: "No. It's you. It has to be." Moran says Holmes can kill him for "all the others," but the girl: "That was him. That was Moriarty."
Bell is on the phone with Gregson. He's got the address of a Brooklyn loft owned by Mr. Holmes.
Moran says he doesn't fear death. But he's feeling a righteous anger toward Moriarty. Holmes is turned away, but clearly breaking down as Moran digs at him: "I never touched a hair on her head!" Holmes brings a blade to Moran's head. Moran has a clear plan, since Moriarty told him Holmes loves puzzles: "You kill me now, you'll be killing the best clue you ever had." Holmes steps away. Moran calls him an honorable man. Holmes tells a story about how individuals vary, but the aggregate can be predicted. It ends with, "I am not an average man." Then he stabs Moran in the stomach. Stab!
Gregson and the SWAT team enter. There's a small pool of blood on the floor. Gregson's phone rings: "Yeah. Are you kidding me?" It seems that Holmes just walked into the station with Moran.
In the interrogation room, Moran tells Gregson that Holmes didn't abduct him. He claims that he lured Holmes in and led him to the loft owned by Holmes's father. He admits that he got stabbed, but by some miracle Holmes missed every organ. Nobody's buying any of this.
Holmes is sitting in Gregson's office. Watson walks in and tells him he's missing "quite a story back there." She thinks a wound in a struggle would have more damage. She knows (as a surgeon!) that it takes a lot of skill to stab someone without doing any damage. Holmes says Moran is playing along with him because Holmes is the best chance Moran has of getting revenge on his mysterious employer. He admits that Moran did not kill Irene. Also: "I'm sorry that I lied to you, Watson. The last few days have been quite... vexing. Even now I'm not certain if I've done the right thing in allowing him to live. Strange, really -- I'm rarely conflicted about the decisions I make. That's the beauty of deductive reasoning, I suppose. Makes a science out of almost everything. Not this." This is a great speech. Jonny Lee Miller has played Holmes very distant so far this season, so when he shows emotion, it's surprising.
Watson walks across the room and sits on the couch to him. She reaches out and puts her hand on his arm. Holmes says, " I'm gonna miss this. Maybe not this so much. But this. Working with you. I think what you do is amazing." Awwww. Holmes doesn't give out a lot of compliments. Now that he's done repeating her speech, he says, "I'm sorry our last days together had to go so poorly." He gets up and leaves. Watson grabs her phone. "Hi, this is Joan Watson calling from New York. Is Mr. Holmes available. Okay... can you just tell him... I'm worried about his son and I'd like to stay on a bit longer."
Brownstone. Watson drinks something from a mug and checks her phone. "M. Holmes" does not wish to extend her services.
At this point, I think the most dramatically satisfying thing is for Watson to decide that she wants to be an investigator. But instead, she tells Holmes that she called his father and he agreed to keep her on. I'd be happier if she made a clear decision instead of hiding behind the "Sober Investigator" facade, you know? Plus, she's now unemployed and living there under false pretenses.
Holmes removes the pictures and clippings from the wall over the fireplace. He takes a pen. Now there's just an index card that says "Moriarty." He sits and watches it. It doesn't do anything.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.
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