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This week, the Gaby's-a-bad-mom story continues when Juanita says the f-word during a Thanksgiving pageant, and the principal tells Gaby she's a bad mother. Gaby pulls Juanita out of school, but when there are no private school openings, she ends up home-schooling. And Juanita ends up agreeing with her old principal's assessment that her mom sucks. Poor kid. Speaking of kids, Tom's acting like one, driving drunk kids home and giving them kegs for their parties. Lynette thinks he's partying with the college kids, but he's actually doing them favors because they let him cheat on a test. When Lynette confronts him, he says it's no different than her lying to Carlos and Gaby about being pregnant. Good point, show, except that it totally is different.
Bree's falling fast for Karl, but when she tries to call it off, he gives her a brooch that belonged to his grandmother. She wears it to Susan's, who recognizes it as her own. Bree's mad that Karl took it from Susan, making her think she lost it, so she tries again to end things with him. Then he proposes. She tells him to become a better Karl and then she'll think about it. Orson goes to the antique shop where Bree says she bought the brooch, and the guy tells her all they sell is furniture. Uh-oh. The jig might be up for the most disturbing affair in the world.
Katherine's still a nutcase, but bribes Susan into being her friend. Until she tries to seduce Mike under the guise of having a plumbing problem. She and Susan get into a fight in the bathtub and Susan says they hate her again. Katherine's trying to be buddies with Angie, and keeps walking in on her. First, she's looking at a picture she says is of her mom, who's dead. Then she's on the phone with someone she calls "Ma," but she tells Katherine it's Nick's mom. But she spoke Italian, and Katherine calls her out on it, ever-so-sweetly but with that trademark insanity lurking just below the surface. So Angie goes to Susan and tells her how dangerous she is, and that she might have attacked Julie think she was Susan. Which is what I've thought happened all along, but now they're making me think it must have been Angie, since she's spinning this story.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Deb called Gaby a bad mother. Lynette got a promotion and didn't tell Carlos she's pregnant. Susan shot Katherine with the Bolens' gun that's under their "real" name, whatever that is. So Angie convinced Katherine to take the high road to win Mike back.
Mary Alice begins that Bree Hodge has a problem: She didn't want to fall in love with Karl. She's appalled by his table manners (we watch her watch him messily eat), his personal ethics (he parks in a handicapped space), and his wandering eye (he stares at a waitress's boobs while he's out to lunch with Bree). Every transgression elicits a gawk from Bree, followed by a "What?" from him. Bree didn't want to fall for Karl Meyer, says Mary Alice, but she knew she was starting to, so she knew the time had come to leave. Bree approaches Karl, who asks what's with the serious face; is she dumping him? She sits down and says, "Karl." He realizes she actually is dumping him. She says they both know it won't last forever, so they should end it now before someone gets hurt. He protests that they're getting closer and she says that's the problem. She thought that her disdain for his vulgarity and lack of scruples would keep her from falling for him, but against all reason, it's happening. She doesn't want to fall for a man she's not even sure she likes. Karl, hurt, is like, "I'm glad no one's going to get hurt." Karl agrees to be done, but has a present for her. He pulls out a jewelry case, and she opens it to see a brooch inscribed "To my dear and beloved Irene." He says that's his grandmother, who willed it to him since she had no granddaughters. She told him he'd find the perfect woman to give it to someday and now he has. Bree looks touched, as Karl goes on that he didn't plan on falling for her, either, and he doesn't blame her for wanting out. But, for what it's worth, he loves her. Mary Alice says that, in that moment, Bree knew the time to leave Karl had come. She kisses him. And gone. Title card.
Mary Alice Voiceover continues: Ann Peterson was the principal of Fairview elementary, and she believed in rules. We see Mrs. Peterson in her office followed by signs. She used them to teach hygiene (sign: "Brush your teeth every day). To control behavior ("Chewing gum is not allowed.") And to instill order ("No running in the hallway.") Yes, Mrs. Peterson believed in rules (we see Mrs. Peterson standing to a "No cell phones allowed in auditorium" sign). She also believed that those who didn't follow them should be punished. She takes a grown man's cell phone away and then we see Gaby and Carlos sitting in front of said man. Carlos holds a video camera up and asks Gaby if there's anything she'd like to say before Juanita performs. Gaby: "Let us pray." He tells her Juanita's going to see this, but she assures him this isn't footage he's going to want to share. She knows because she's tried working with Juanita on this performance, but Juanita's "talent-free." Carlos says she's only seven; "How bad can she be?" Oh, Carlos, haven't you ever watched TV? You never ask questions like that. Gaby's already chosen a child from the program to pretend is theirs: Paige Glover. Carlos looks horrified at her. The pageant beings with a little boy pilgrim saying he's Miles Standish. Then pilgrim Juanita steps forward and says her line pretty well, until she flubs "religious persecution" and instead says, "religious perskacootion." She smiles sweetly, but everyone laughs. Carlos wonders which one is Paige Glover. Juanita tries again: "religious perspacaution." Gaby whispers that she wrote it on the back of the corn Juanita's holding, so Juanita looks and then: "perska... prossa... oh..." Mary Alice jumps back in and tells us that Juanita said a choice four-letter word at that moment. Everyone in the auditorium gasps. Gaby says she didn't write that on the corn, then puts on sunglasses and hunkers down.
Bree and Orson arrive at Susan's with a pie. She asks him to promise not to get all kissy with her when he's drunk. He says that she requested their friends not know about their troubles, so he's trying to sell it. She insists she doesn't like PDA, and he says he knows that, but they're the only kind he can get these days. Mike opens the door and then Susan greets Bree by staring at her chest and saying, "Oh my god. I can't believe it!" Bree thinks she's talking about the pie, but Susan's referring to the brooch Bree's wearing, which Susan insists is hers and that Karl gave it to her. Bree acts like Susan's crazy and pulls it off to let Susan read it, never suspecting it's actually the same brooch until Susan verifies the inscription to Karl's "granny Irene." Susan tells Mike she lost the brooch ten years ago. Karl's dropping Julie off, but Susan calls him in and shows him the brooch Bree "found." Orson asks where Bree got it, and Karl stutters that she must have bought it. Bree says she got it at that little antique store down on Pearl Street. Susan reminds Karl how mad he was at her when she lost it. He doesn't remember yelling, but Julie agrees he did sort of lose it. Bree glares, and says it's unbelievable. Mike agrees it's unbelievable it would turn up after all this time. Bree's happy to give it back to its rightful owner, and insists she couldn't wear it knowing Karl gave it to Susan. Susan offers to pay for it, but Bree says, "Trust me dear. It was a steal." Karl looks sheepish.
Scavo's at night. Some drunken fumblers come in at night, making a lot of racket. Lynette comes down the stairs yelling at Porter and then sees it's Tom and a couple other guys. She wonders what he's doing here, since he was supposed to be at the library studying. He says they were, and then he told the guys he'd treat them to pancakes, but the restaurant was closed, so he brought them here. One of Tom's friends tells her that they peed on the closed building, then he holds his hand up for a high-five with Tom and says, "Give it up, T. Scav!" Lynette says the kid's drunk, but the kid disagrees, saying the other guy lying on the couch is drunk; he's only 'faced. Then he pukes in the sink. Tom says he'll just make the guys pancakes and take them home in the morning. She pulls him aside, calling him "T. Scav," and says these guys aren't staying here tonight. Tom says he can't take that guy home to his mom and dad; "You know how parents are." Lynette says of course she does, since they are parents. They hear vomiting from the other room. Lynette says she gets that Tom wants the kids to like him so he can be elected homecoming king, but he's not back in school to have some second childhood. She shrieks that enough is enough. Tom says he hears her, and the passed-out guy sits up and says he hears her too, so could she keep it down.
Fairview Elementary. Juanita's outside Mrs. Peterson's office, where Carlos and Gaby are finding out what her punishment will be. She has to write letters to everyone who heard the bad word, won't be allowed to participate in the final two performances, and is on cafeteria cleaning detail for two weeks. Carlos agrees wholeheartedly with all of it, but Gaby says, "Not so fast." She says that the letter of apology is fine, as is taking her out of the pageant, but the cafeteria cleaning is going overboard. [I agree -- custodial work seems a bit much. Besides, wouldn't the union get involved? - Z] Mrs. Peterson says this school has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to profanity, which Carlos says they respect, but Gaby tells him to stay out of it. Gaby goes on that Juanita made a slip, and it wasn't intentional. It's not like she flipped the bird afterwards. Mrs. Peterson says her ruling stands: "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." Gaby: "What is this? Shawshank Elementary?" Mrs. Peterson says the school isn't at fault here, and if Gaby wants to blame someone, she might look to her dubious parenting skills. Carlos: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that." Gaby: "Excuse me?!" Mrs. Peterson says Juanita learned that words somewhere. Carlos gets up and heads to the door as Gaby stands and says they're pulling Juanita out of this crappy school. Mrs. Peterson says it's a shame Juanita won't be here to blurt that word out during the Pledge of Allegiance. Gaby says "Here's a blurt for ya," and then the school bell rings as we see Mrs. Peterson's stern face. Back to Gaby, who finishes, "And the horse you rode in on!" Outside, Juanita puts her head in her hands.
Katherine knocks at Susan's, and when Susan answers, says, "Don't shoot! It's just me." Susan doesn't even crack a smile, so Katherine tells her to relax; it's just a joke. She asks if Mike's here and walks right by Susan, who says he's at work. Katherine's disappointed, because she wanted to apologize to both of them for letting her emotions get the best of her these past few weeks. She's sure Susan's noticed her crazy behavior. Susan has. Katherine says that's over, and she doesn't want any more tension. She'd like them to wave on the street rather than dive behind a garbage can. Susan says she didn't dive; she just dropped her keys. Katherine wants things to be normal again. She wants to play poker with the ladies and be invited to Susan's parties. Susan's looking freaked, and then Katherine wonders if she can come over for a barbecue sometime. Susan says she doesn't see a barbecue in their future. Katherine stands and says fine; she was just hoping to show all those people how wrong they were. You know, those people who keep telling Katherine to sue Susan for reckless endangerment. Just neighbors, well-wishers, and lawyers who dabble in civil suits. Susan's now looking completely frightened. And also positive that Katherine's still crazy, I'm sure. Katherine says she told those people no, she couldn't sue Susan, since they're still friends. But if that isn't true anymore... She starts to leave, and Susan stops her with, "Brunch!" She says she and Mike aren't barbecue people, but they'd love brunch. Katherine agrees for Sunday at 11, and she'll bring a quiche. She asks Susan on her way out if she isn't glad she's not crazy anymore, and Susan says, "Oh yeah. This is so much better."
Karl's office. Bree storms in and says they are over, and this time she means it. Karl wonders if she's going to dump him over a lousy brooch, but she says it's not that; it's him. He stole Susan's jewelry and then berated her for losing it. What kind of man does that? Karl says probably a man whose wife is taking him to the cleaners and who'd like to get back a little of it. She asks how he could be so stupid as to give it to her, then, since he should have known Susan might see it. He says Susan lost a lot of things when they divorced, and he forgot the brooch was one of them. She can't believe his defense is that he stole so much from her he couldn't keep track. He reminds her she's the one who faked a burglary to protect her stuff from Orson. She says she's not proud of that, and is even less proud of "fornicating with a morally bankrupt weasel." She says they're done, and starts to storm out, but he stops her with, "Will you marry me?" He knows it's not the best time to ask, but he was afraid he wouldn't get another chance. He says not to answer right away, since he's sure of what the short-term response would be. He gets down on one knee and hopes she will at least consider it. She says no, but he goes on that the man who stole the brooch is a worse man than he is now, and he could be an even better man with a woman like her as his wife. She tries to reply, but he keeps cutting her off, a la Dr. Evil. She leaves.
Bolen's. Angie picks up an envelope marked "Do not bend," and pulls out a picture of a woman with a small child. She cries and touches the photo. It's on a beach, and there's a boat in the background. She's interrupted by a knock at the door and then Katherine barging in. She blathers on without a pause that she wanted to thank Angie for her advice, but then she sees Angie's crying. She sits and asks what's wrong, but when Angie says nothing, Katherine says, "Okay," and dives back in about their plan. Angie: "Our plan?" And Katherine says, "Yeah, the one about taking the high road with Susan." She says she was just at Susan's, and she doesn't have a clue. I love how full-on crazy they've made Katherine and how well Dana Delaney's selling it. She grabs Angie's photograph and asks who it is. Angie says it's her mother, and when Katherine asks where she lives, Angie replies, "She doesn't." Katherine says she's sorry. Angie says tomorrow would have been her birthday, and she always gets sad around this time. Katherine invites her out to lunch, the least she can do for her partner in crime. She winks at Angie, who shakes her head and says Katherine has to stop with that. She says this isn't their plan and they're not partners. This is Katherine's thing with Susan, not hers. Katherine kookily says, "Oh, you're just upset because of your mother. You know what? I'll bake you a pineapple upside-down cake. Best thing in the world for depression." She touches the end of Angie's nose and literally runs to the door. Angie looks stunned.
Casa de Solis. Gaby's cooking dinner when Carlos comes in and tells her there are no openings in any private schools in the area until September. He asks Gaby why she couldn't wait until summer to cuss out the principal. Gaby says she'd do it again, since Mrs. Peterson attacked Juanita. Carlos is glad she's so devoted to Juanita, since they have no other choice than for Gaby to home-school her. Gaby laughs and says Carlos is good, since they needed something to cut the tension, but seriously: What's the plan? He says that's seriously the plan, and she tells him she doesn't know how to teach. The rest of this scene is so good I have to give the full play-by-play.
Carlos: Really? You taught Juanita a few choice words.
Gaby: How about you? "What a blank of a day! Earl at the office is such a blank. I wanna kick the blank out of his blank."Carlos: Oh yeah. How 'bout, "That blanking hairdresser totally screwed up my blanking hair. Look at me. I'm totally blaaanked."
Gaby: "The blanking client didn't sign the deal and we lost a blank-load of money. Waaaah! Blank! Blank! Blank!"
Carlos: Okay. We are both at fault. But you are home-schooling her.
Gaby: Fine. But I know someone who isn't getting blanked tonight.
Carlos: Fine with me. I blanked off earlier.
He leaves and Gaby looks horrified. Commercials, the first of which is another Another Desperate Housewife, in which a couple having an affair talks about the possibility of the man divorcing his wife, but when he tells the mistress that his wife's the one with the money, she grabs her Sprint phone and starts looking up where to get a gun. Nice. I totally want a Sprint phone now. They seem so useful.
Susan's. She's washing Bree's pie dish and wearing the brooch on her hip. Bree's there, and Susan thanks her again for the pie. Bree says it was nothing, and then goes on about how sweet it was of Karl to give Susan his grandmother's jewelry. She wonders if he was sweet like that often when they were married. Susan says he constantly gave her little gifts, but she eventually figured out it meant he'd cheated on her. He gave her a pair of sapphire earrings once, and she cried for days. She asks Bree what's with the fascination with Karl. Bree says she's just curious, since Susan only talks about the lies and cheating, never the good times. Susan says there were wonderful times, since he was always a good kisser and could always make her laugh. She says if he'd begged her forgiveness or just once told her he was willing to change... she cuts herself off and says to hell with Karl. She gives Bree the brooch and says she should only be wearing Mike's jewelry now. She thanks Bree for getting her to say a few nice things about Karl for a change, which felt good. Bree says it was nice to hear them.
Scavo's. Lynette's dug up a globe for Gaby. She gives it to her, but apologizes for how old it is, since it's from before the Soviet Union broke up. Gaby: "The Soviet Union broke up?" Tom asks if she's sure she knows what she's doing with this home-schooling thing, and Gaby tells him that Juanita's in first grade and will believe what she tells her. Lynette leans over to pick up Gaby's phone and one of her blouse buttons pops off. She apologizes for it, and Gaby says she's not surprised. She says she wasn't going to bring it up, but Lynette has been getting a little rounder lately. Lynette says she's been working a lot, not exercising, eating junk at work. Tom agrees, and says he wouldn't be surprised if Lynette gets even bigger than this. Lynette asks him if he has some homework, and he says he has to pick up some books at the library. He leaves. Gaby tells Lynette she can lose the weight in one month, but Lynette's pretty sure she can't. Gaby suggest they go for a run every morning at 7, but Lynette says that's when she's getting the kids ready for school. Gaby says she can't let this go; "you know the expression: 'The longer you wait, the bigger the butt.' " No, Gaby, I don't think anyone knows that expression. Lynette's phone rings and she excuses herself with, "I have to get that. It might be another friend calling to tell me my ass is too fat." Gaby leaves, and Lynette answers the phone and says, "No, T. Scav just left. This is L. Scav. May I help you?" Then she looks dismayed and pissed. "I'm sorry, what party?"
Noisy college party. Lynette's arrived. She finds the two drunks from the other night and calls them Niedermeyer and Mahoney. They greet her as "Mrs. Scavo," and offer her a slice of Long Island Watermelon, which appears to be a watermelon filled with alcohol via multiple syringes. Hey, not a bad idea, actually. She actually just wants to find Tom and bring him home. They say he's not there, but she says someone already called the house wondering why he hadn't shown up with the keg. She tells them Tom has actual responsibilities, and she doesn't appreciate his new buddies telling him he doesn't. They say he's not their buddy and he just dropped off the keg and left. She wonders why he's buying them a keg if he's not their friend. When Lynette takes the watermelon and threatens to break it, one guy admits they gave Tom the answers to a math midterm in exchange. They have a connection to the math department and get the tests. She leaves, throwing and breaking the watermelon behind her.
Susan's. Mike's in bed, ready to get frisky when Susan says she's so exhausted. He gives up, but she tells him she's not that exhausted. She gets on top of him and they start kissing when his cell phone rings. He answers it and tells the plumbing customer on the other end that the problem will have to wait until tomorrow. Susan agrees once he's off, until he says it was Katherine. Susan jumps off of him and says he has to get over there right now. He doesn't want to, but she says Katherine could sue them. He says she wouldn't do that over this, and Susan replies, "It's not like our dog peed on her flowers. I shot her!" Susan asks how long it will take, and he says he doesn't know; it's a leak in her master bath. Susan: "In the bedroom?"
Mike arrives, and Katherine answers her door in a slinky nightie and high heels. She greets him seductively, and then Susan walks up to him. Katherine pulls on her almost-as-slinky nightie cover-up. Susan says she came to assist her husband and get the job done in half the time. Susan asks where Katherine's arm sling is, and Katherine says her arm's much better. Mike heads inside to take a look at the leaky faucet, but Katherine says it's actually the garbage disposal in the kitchen. Mike thought she said master bath, but Katherine's like, "Seriously, Mike, why would a garbage disposal be in the master bath?" She says the disposal's making an awful sound and leads him to the kitchen. Susan heads upstairs and finds the master bedroom full of candles, flower petals, and champagne. Katherine comes up and asks Susan what she's doing up here. Susan says she knew she shouldn't have trusted Katherine, who was obviously trying to seduce Mike. Katherine laughs: "Honestly, Susan, you have the most suspicious mind." She insists she sleeps like this every night, with candles and rose petals and an entire bottle of champagne. Susan calls Mike upstairs to verify Katherine does this every night, since he used to stay here. Katherine starts blowing out candles and Susan chases her around. Katherine goes into the bathroom, where Susan follows her and finds a bubble bath. Katherine says she wants Susan out of her house, but Susan says Katherine needs help, because she can't actually think this stuff would work on Mike, who loves Susan. Katherine tells Susan not to push her or she'll sue. Susan tells her to go ahead, and get her for assault with a strawberry, too. She pulls a chocolate-covered strawberry off a tray and rubs it in Katherine's face. Katherine does the same. One of them says, "You bitch!" And they fall into the bubble bath. Mike's working under the sink downstairs when Susan comes down, sopping wet. She says, "FYI, we hate her again."
Scavo's. Lynette's grilling Tom about the cheating, and he admits he was failing the course, which is required and which he will never use. She says they can't afford for him to fail. He says that's why he did this, so he could focus his attention on his core classes, which he's not failing, but "It's touch and go." He says his adviser warned him learning a language at his age would be difficult, and Mandarin's one of the hardest. He says she has to understand he's drowning here. But she doesn't care. She says if he's having trouble, he can talk to someone or hire a tutor, but he can't cheat. He says he'll never use statistics, but she says it's not a good example to set for the kids. He says it's the same example she's setting by lying to Gaby about being pregnant. She says it's different, which it is, for the record. Cheating on a test is not allowed and can get you kicked out of school. Keeping your pregnancy to yourself is something many people do until the second trimester or later anyway. She says the consequences are different since he could get kicked out of school. He says she could lose one of her best friends or get fired for lying to Carlos. Which ... no, Tom. Carlos would have a lawsuit on his hands if he fired her for being pregnant or not disclosing the pregnancy. She thinks his rationalization is pathetic. He tells her they're both middle-aged people who know the value of principles, but they also know something they never tell the kids: There are, sadly, times in life when you need to break the rules in order to survive. He says she doesn't need to pat him on the back, but she can't act like she's better, because she's not. I think we're supposed to agree with him there, which is stupid. He's in the wrong.
Casa de Solis. Juanita's reading from a book, and then tells her mom she's bored and wants to go watch TV. Gaby says she can't; this is just like school. They just finished gym and now it's time for reading. Juanita says ironing isn't gym class, but Gaby says she's the teacher and tells her to read. Juanita throws her book on the floor. Gaby picks it up, and Juanita slowly pushes it off the table again, with a scowl. And a third time. Then Gaby tells Juanita to pick it up or end up on the floor to it. Juanita picks it up and then drops it with a smirk and a "Whoops." Carlos comes in and asks what they learned today. He finds Gaby and Juanita wrestling over the book and asks what's going on. Gaby yells that it's called home-schooling. I think I would have probably lost patience even sooner. There's something about teaching your own kids that would be so much more difficult than teaching others', since most kids are better behaved for other people than for their own parents.
Karl's office. Bree's back. She tells him she thought about his proposal and she isn't going to say no, but she's not going to say yes yet, either, since she has a husband she can't seem to shake. She told him to focus on getting her a divorce for now. He asks if she'll marry him then, and she says no, but she is interested in this other Karl that he's planning to become. He says that's if she marries him, but she says he'll have to appear sooner than that. He laughs that he can arrange a meeting. She says that's another thing: no sex for at least a month. She needs to see him clearly. He says he has to be good and no sex? It's like they're married already. She tells him that if they go public with this, let alone marry, Susan and Orson will both be angry. She won't contemplate paying that price until she's sure he's worth it. If he can prove he is, he can give the brooch to her again. She gives it back, and kisses him.
Casa de Solis. Gaby asks Carlos if he talked to Juanita and wonders if she apologized. He says Juanita heard what Gaby said to the principal and is blaming her for her not being able to go back to school and see her friends. Gaby asks if he defended her, and he says that was tough, since Juanita was right and Gaby's wrong. Gaby says she did what she did for Juanita, but Carlos asks if maybe a little bit of it was in response to her being criticized for being a bad mom. She says maybe the last part, but originally it was all about sticking up for Juanita. Which is true enough. She asks where Juanita gets off being mad at her. Carlos says Juanita can't go to school and see her friends. She can't have people over because a chimp mauled a clown at her birthday party. She has every right to be mad. Gaby? Not so much. After so many sweet Gaby and Carlos episodes -- which I love -- it's sort of fun to have this snark between them.
Bolen's. Angie picks up a pre-paid cell phone and makes a call. She starts talking to her mom, and apologizes that it's been so long. She says she can't tell her that, but she should know they're safe. She asks her mom not to cry and says they only have a few minutes to talk. She says Danny's good, and just turned 19. She wishes they could, too, but it's too risky. Maybe one of these days. She turns and sees Katherine standing there, smiling, with a cake. Angie finishes, "Ma, I gotta go." Then she says something in Italian that the Internet tells me means "Eat well." She greets Katherine and asks what she has. Katherine says she thought Angie said her mother was dead. Angie says that was Nick's mom. Katherine seems appeased: "Oh! You call her 'Ma'?" Angie says they're close. Angie didn't hear Katherine come in, but she says the front door was open. She asks about the pre-paid phone, and Angie explains that they bought it for a vacation and she's using up the minutes. Katherine smiles, and Angie asks what's on her mind. Katherine says she wanted to drop off the cake and tell her that last night she and Susan had a big fight, and Susan threw her into the bathtub. "First she shoots me, then she tries to drown me. I'm going to the police. So I'm going to need that gun for evidence." Angie asks which gun, and Katherine says she knows Danny gave Julie the gun. Angie tells Katherine it's not a good idea to get the police involved and she should stick to her plan. Katherine says she hates that Susan can get away with this and gets up to go. Then she stops and asks if Nick's Italian. Angie says he's not, why, and Katherine says she was talking to his mother in Italian. Angie says she likes it; it makes her feel sophisticated. Angie makes up a doctor's appointment and leads Katherine out, thanking her for the cake.
Casa de Solis. Juanita's studying when Gaby comes in. She asks Juanita if she's doing her homework, and Juanita says "It's all homework now, isn't it?" Aww. Poor Juanita. Gaby tells Juanita that when she was young, she got picked on for being little until she discovered a part of herself that was big: her mouth. She says she's been fighting back with it ever since, which is why she responded to Mrs. Peterson the way she did. She says she had to defend Juanita, but Juanita wonders why. She says if she'd just let Mrs. Peterson punish her, this would all be over. Gaby says that leaving the school is going to be a good thing, because Mrs. Peterson's a bully. But Juanita likes Mrs. Peterson. Gaby looks horrified, but then apologizes to Juanita and says she was wrong, but asks if Juanita doesn't still think she's a good mom. Silence. Gaby: "Honey?" Juanita: "Can we just read?" Gaby looks genuinely sad to realize even her daughter thinks she's a bad mom.
Susan's. Angie's sharing her pineapple upside-down cake with Susan as she says Katherine cannot be trusted. Yet they're eating her could-be-poisoned dessert, huh? Angie says Katherine's totally lost it, and Susan says she knows. She and Mike have a new rule to pretend she doesn't exist. Angie asks if that's going to be enough. She says Susan needs to get Katherine off this street, since her hate for Susan goes beyond dirty looks in the supermarket. She's dangerous. Susan asks how, and Angie says she can't believe she's even saying this, but does Susan know where Katherine was the night Julie was attacked? Susan looks shocked and says, "No. That's crazy. Why would Katherine want to hurt Julie?" Angie says Susan had just married Mike, it was dark, and a woman walked out of the house. Maybe she didn't think it was Julie.
Mary Alice picks back up that there are many rules in the world. We see a "Keep off the grass sign," and then pan to Juanita sitting on her porch watching other kids head to school as Mary Alice says that's why we must start learning them when we're children. We're told very clearly: "Don't say bad words." "You're not allowed to cheat on tests." Tom backs out of his driveway and Lynette watches him. Then Gaby runs by and waves at Lynette. "It's not nice to lie to your friends. You shouldn't covet a man who isn't yours." Katherine watches Mike leave for work. "And you shouldn't betray a man who is." Bree watches Orson back out of the driveway. "So we grow up and still we break the rules. Completely forgetting that if someone catches us, we will be punished." Orson parks and heads into an antique store. He tells the shop owner that he'd like to replace a cameo brooch his wife purchased here. The shop owner says they don't carry anything like that here, but Orson says he must be mistaken, as she was specific about where she bought it. But, nope, they only sell furniture here. He's sorry. The phone rings and he leaves Orson to puzzle over that one.
week: Susan says, "Oh my God!" Announcer guy says, "Three little words." Bree says, "I want out!" Announcer guy: "That will get the housewives all worked up." Angie punches Nick and says, "Now we're okay." Announcer guy: "Bring them to their knees." Gaby scrubs a floor, and someone who looks like the housekeeper says, "You missed spot." Announcer guy: "That will cause a scandal." Bree tells Orson to "Unbutton your pants." Announcer guy says all those words will add up to "One big episode." Susan tells Kathy Najimy she has the right to be happy, and she tells Susan she has the right to remain silent. With handcuffs. Then Susan rolls her eyes from the slammer. I just know I'm going to find some glee in Susan's arrest.
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DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, has never had pineapple upside-down cake. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.