Pretty much every character's storyline gets major developments this week, and the result is that it's the best episode in a long time.
The Scavos continue to try to keep Porter safe, which means mortgaging the restaurant to get him out on bail. When Mr. Shilling threatens Porter and he skips bail, Preston -- totally proving himself to be the good twin -- pretends he's Porter and goes to his arraignment. Tom and Lynette obviously know it's Preston, but they let him do it anyway, because the alternative (losing the bail, which means losing the business) might be even worse.
Carlos begins regaining his vision, and Gaby quickly realizes he's going to find out she sold things including his autographed Lou Gehrig baseball, which had been passed down from his grandfather and his father. She tries to get it back and finds out she'll have to dance for the perv she sold it to. And she does it, but as Carlos gains more and more vision back, he realizes how much Gaby truly sacrificed for the family while he wasn't looking: her clothes and shoes!
Bree finds out Andrew's been dating the plastic surgeon, and then finds out the plastic surgeon was once in porn. She rents the porn to let Andrew know, and it's possibly the most touching mother-son relationship these two have ever shared.
Katherine struggles getting MJ to like her, even though Susan's not talking trash or anything. We find out it's because a long time ago Susan told MJ that she and Mike would get back together. Mike tells her that was stupid and she says they've never said that wouldn't happen. She asks him if he ever thinks about it, and he leaves to go look after Katherine. I couldn't tell if that was an emphatic yes or an emphatic no.
Creepy Dave is barely in the episode, but what we do get is the big reveal: He was the father/husband of Lila Dash and child, and that's why he wants revenge. He also sees dead people. And talks to them. And promises them he'll get that Mike Delfino back for what happened. By doing the same thing to them. Uh-oh. Susan (or Katherine?) and MJ better watch their backs. (And how is it possible that Neal McDonough makes me feel both sad and creeped out at the same time?)
Previously: Lila Dash's death in an accident led to the end of Susan and Mike's marriage. Susan found out Katherine and Mike were dating. A doctor told Carlos he could regain his sight. And another doctor told Bree and Orson that a procedure would alleviate his snoring. And Creepy Dave told another lie. This one was a doozy, though, since he said he saw Porter Scavo at the crime scene (you know, the one Creepy Dave actually committed).
Mary Alice tells us that Lynette wakes up and realizes she can't remember the last time her family had breakfast together, so she makes breakfast and threatens her family with violence if they don't stay and eat. So they do, but one of the twins tries to leave before Lynette's ready, and she's not having any of it. He asks Tom to "Make mom let me go," and Tom says the most awesome thing ever, which is, "Everyone at this table who thinks I have the power to make your mom do anything, raise your hand." No one raises so much as a finger. Poor Tom. Just then the doorbell rings, and it's the cops looking for Porter. Tom and Lynette are acting shocked, which is sort of stupid since they knew he was a suspect, but whatever. Porter walks up to the door, in a different shirt than the twin who tried to escape. Aha! So that was Preston. Thank you, wardrobe department. Porter's arrested despite Lynette and Tom's protests and assurances that Porter had nothing to do with the fire. The cops tell them a witness has stepped forward. They take Porter away and Tom tells Lynette they'll get through this, and goes inside to call a lawyer. Mary Alice continues that Lynette couldn't remember how long it had been since her family had had breakfast together ... and she couldn't know how many years it would be before they'd have breakfast together again. Now, that just makes me sad, Mary Alice. Why'd you have to go and drop such a bad spoiler right at the start of the episode?
After the credits, Mary Alice says it's an awful thing to live in the dark, but that sometimes a flicker of light brings hope. And we're inside Carlos's head seeing light and some fuzzy shapes. Gaby's upset that's all he sees, but the doctor says that's all that's expected, but it means he'll be able to see more. But they have to keep his dark glasses on. Carlos mistakes the doctor for Gaby and then Gaby starts making out with him (Carlos, not the doctor). Apparently, mistaken identities is a real turn-on for her.
Bree and Orson are meeting with their doctor, in what seems like a follow-up appointment for his snoring. They're all done, so the doctor feels free to get up and take his page and leave the room. Which is when Bree goes around his desk to leave him a thank-you note, which she has all written up but not sealed. On the other side of the desk, she notices a picture of Andrew and the doctor together, engagement picture style (could it be foreshadowing?). thing we know, she's asking Andrew how long he's been living with this doctor without telling her. Andrew says Alex (thank you for the first name, so I can stop calling him the doctor) moved in about six months ago. Bree can't believe Andrew would be ashamed to tell them about Alex, since he's a doctor and Andrew did better than Bree herself did. Orson interjects: "That was a bit of a drive-by." Ha! Poor Orson. But this is all about Bree, and she can't get why Andrew would keep this a secret. He says it's because she's shown no interest in his love life other than handing him a gonorrhea pamphlet once. (I'm glad my husband doesn't use my laptop very often, or he might wonder why I've been recently Googling "gonorrhea." Or, actually, "gonorreah," as I was checking the spelling. Which I clearly needed to do.) She said she wants to know now and will have Andrew and Alex over to dinner tomorrow night. Andrew says he thinks it's cool how she ignores his love life. But she insists, and says they'll expect them at 8. Andrew leaves, and Orson asks if she's sure she wants him there too; after all, he's only a dentist. Uh, yeah, not even that anymore, Orson. You work for Bree now, remember? Oh, wait, "partners." Whatever.
Mike shows up to pick up MJ, with Katherine in tow, to Susan's surprise. Katherine says she's a big fan of the zoo, and would like to tag along. Susan says that's "really, really great" with her. MJ looks a little more annoyed, though, and asks why she has to go. He just wants Daddy. MJ is so cute. I would be so upset if I were Katherine and he hated me. On her way out, Katherine tells Susan she'll find a way to get him to like her.
Tom and Lynette show up to see Porter in jail, with Bob in tow as their lawyer. Lynette, very upset, wants to know why they have a witness. Porter says he has no idea, because he has an alibi, but it's not exactly one that's going to fly. He was at Edie's (don't worry: not sleeping with her) stealing her gun. He wanted to use it to scare Mr. Shilling, not to hurt anyone or anything. And then he hid it in Lynette's flour jar. He wonders if this will work as an alibi, but since no one saw him, Lynette points out it's really more of a confession to another crime. Porter: "Oh."
Edie comes out of the house all excited to greet Creepy Dave with the apparently exciting news that Porter was arrested and she just knew he did it. She's seriously, genuinely excited about this, which I find odd. Isn't Lynette supposed to be her friend? I know it's Edie and everything, but still. Creepy Dave says, "Poor Lynette," and even that's not getting Edie, who says, "Poor Lynette my ass! Poor seven people who got burned to death." But then she says she wouldn't want to be in Lynette's shoes right now and can you just imagine what she's going through? Isn't this the same thing as that "Poor Lynette" statement you just "my ass"ed, Edie? Make up your damn mind. As Edie prattles on, Creepy Dave sees a brunette woman holding a blonde little girl on the edge of their lawn. They stand there staring at Creepy Dave, who clenches his fist on the light bulb he was holding. It shatters, and he obviously cuts himself. Edie's like, "What the hell?" and takes him inside to clean up the blood.
Lynette's pulling the gun out of her flour jar and cleaning it so she can sneak the gun back into Edie's. Tom isn't sure that's the right thing to do, but she tells him if the gun's reported missing, the cops don't have to be geniuses to start looking at the Scavos. Tom tells Lynette she's his rock, because she always knows what to do in a crisis. She asks him to leave her alone while she cleans fingerprints off a weapon.
Mike's bringing MJ back already as Katherine is walking home picking stuff out of her hair. Susan wonders why they're home so early and Mike says MJ threw his sundae at Katherine, getting nuts and chocolate in her hair. Mike tells Susan that it happened right after he told Katherine she could be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, and Susan agrees that's ridiculous because Katherine could maybe be on the cover of "Menopause Monthly." Yeah, Susan. Petty much? And anyway, MJ should have probably thrown the sundae at Mike for the stupid line anyway, not Katherine.
At a "Congratulations for not being blind" party at the Solis house, Carlos is telling Bree and Susan about how he will be able to see fully again soon, and Gaby's been so patient. Just then she walks up and asks if he's a moron for not wearing his dark glasses. She can only handle him going blind once. He grabs his glasses and a baseball falls. Carlos asks her to look at the signature from Lou Gehrig. There's no signature, but Susan pretends for Gaby's sake that it's signed. He tells them it was passed down from his father and grandfather. Gaby says she didn't know that and he tells her that's why he wouldn't let her sell it. Then she tells him he needs to put in eye drops and he leaves. Bree and Susan look at Gaby like she's been bad. Bree points out you never sell a man's autographed baseball (or any autograph sports ball, actually), but Gaby says the car needed tires. I'm no sports authority, but I would think a baseball signed by Gehrig could pay for a lot more than car tires. Gaby asks Susan if Mike can maybe track down this Lou Gehrig guy and get him to sign a new one. Wow. It's a good thing she's pretty.
Lynette approaches Tom and Bob, who are chatting in the yard. Bob tells them bail is $20,000. He says they'll scrape the money together from their emergency fund and "the Christmas club." Can someone please explain to me what the Christmas club is? Tom leaves and asks Lynette to take care of it. He leaves and Lynette tells Bob there's no emergency fund, because she gave it to Anne to get her to leave town. She did not give Anne $14,000! That's insane. Bob tells her she could mortgage the house to pay a bail bondsman. Or the restaurant. She's like, "Yeah, I'll do that!" And she tells Bob not to tell Tom, since he's her lawyer, not Tom's. Bob points out for the tenth time during this conversation that he's actually Porter's lawyer. She's not listening. Surprise, surprise.
Gaby's sitting in the office of the sports collector to whom she sold the Lou Gehrig ball, explaining her plight: He's Italian, so an interpreter passes her plight along. He responds "No way." But then he says he actually would give it back if Gaby would dance on the table. She has too much pride, apparently, so she leaves instead.
Lynette shows up at Edie's and Creepy Dave answers. She says she's there to borrow Edie's yellow sweater for the arraignment. Edie's not there, but Creepy Dave lets her go up and get it. He might not have let her, but the woman and child are walking onto the lawn behind her, which has him distracted. Lynette goes upstairs and returns the gun to Edie's dresser drawer, then barely remembers to get the yellow sweater, too. Meanwhile, downstairs, Creepy Dave's talking to the woman and child on the porch: "Please, you have to leave. This isn't a good time, okay? I'll come see you tomorrow. Just know I still love you. That'll never change." Lynette comes down in time to catch the tail end of that, and looks thoughtful.
Dinner at Bree and Orson's. It's actually pre-dinner hors d'oeuvres. Bree points out that Alex and Andrew are sitting far apart and asks them to scooch over. Which is weird, as Andrew points out. She just wants them to know she's okay with it. He tells her they appreciate her "tolerance" (digression: I hate that word; as if we all are "tolerating" gays or other minority groups. Doesn't that imply they're somehow so bad that we have to "tolerate" them?), but they can wait until they're home to make out. The doorbell rings, and Andrew wonders who it is. It's Bob and Lee. Andrew asks if Bree's sponsoring a float. Bree introduces Bob and Lee to Alex, a plastic surgeon. She also calls him Andrew's new "life partner." Bob and Lee ask if they've met Alex, but he doesn't remember him. They swear they know Alex, though. Lee says, "Oh!" like he's about to say where he remembers him from and then says, "My mistake." Everyone goes to eat and Bob and Lee whisper. And don't think Bree doesn't notice. Bob's like, "Oh my god, you're right: It is him."
Gaby comes home and Carlos is holding the girls and crying. She runs in and asks what's wrong. He says he can see them, because everything's starting to come into focus. She's so happy, and they all hug. He's so glad to see his girls. He asks where the painting they bought in Greece is, and she says she had to sell it to make the mortgage. He says he doesn't care about things, just so he has his girls. And she says that's such good news because she also sold his baseball. He's like, "You sold my Lou Gehrig baseball?" She says it's just a thing, but he says it's actually a family heirloom since it was his father's and his grandfather's. Carlos sends the girls to the kitchen for cookies. If they send the girls to the kitchen for treats every time they argue, this might be why the girls have weight issues. Carlos tells Gaby he doesn't care what she has to do, but he wants that baseball back. She tells him that she kept the family afloat for five years. He says he only asked her not to sell two things: the baseball and his watch, and that she only didn't sell the watch because she couldn't get it off his wrist. He wants the baseball back and she's going to get it. Oh, and she might want to not flip him off, since he can see now.
Back at Bree's Alex is complimenting Bree's cooking, so Orson points out that Bree's the top caterer in Fairview. Alex asks if she does weddings, and Andrew kicks him obviously under the table. Alex says he wasn't going to say anything, and Bree asks what. Andrew doesn't want to tell, but they end up saying they're getting married. Alex asks why Andrew would want to keep it a secret. Bree says she's going to handle everything, and Andrew's like, "That's why." Bree hugs Alex and while she does, she notices Bob and Lee whispering more. She says she's going to get a pie and asks Bob and Lee come help her. She makes them tell her how they know Alex: They saw him in an adult movie, "Rear Deployment." Bree can't believe a doctor would be in gay porn. They're positive it's him. They just rented the movie, and kept it long enough to have to pay late charges.
Edie's at Susan's borrowing a corkscrew, when Mike and Katherine show up to pick up MJ for bowling. Susan tries to be nice, but it's very insincere. Susan tells Katherine she had a little talk with MJ so there shouldn't be any problems now. Katherine doesn't believe it, and tells Susan things would be easier with MJ if Susan weren't talking trash. Susan denies it, but Katherine says MJ always liked her before. Mike, Katherine, and MJ leave. Edie tells Susan she might not be talking trash about Katherine and Mike, but her actions are making it clear to MJ that she doesn't like Katherine. Edie says, "Kids pick up on that stuff." Because Edie knows so much about kids? Susan admits the situation is uncomfortable and asks how to fix it. Edie says she doesn't want her to fix it; she lives for her friends being involved in catfights. She thanks Susan for the corkscrew and leaves.
At the bowling alley, Katherine's helping MJ put on his shoes. He's still giving her the cold shoulder. Mike gets off the phone and tells Katherine Susan's coming bowling with them, because she thinks if MJ sees them all having fun he might be more okay with all of this. Katherine admits it's not a bad idea and Susan shows up right then, all fake "Are we ready to have the best time ever?"
In the Wisteria Lane park, Porter puts Penny on a swing and then goes to sit down on a bench. Mr. Shilling, right there in front of all the kids and everyone, walks up to Porter and threatens him. He tells him that going to jail might be the safest place for him. That otherwise, he could be walking home someday and just disappear. "Poof!" Mr. Shilling says he'd just tell them he was at the movies if they asked him about it. I don't get why him being at the movies would be such a great alibi, but whatever.
Katherine's showing MJ how to bowl, and they are talking and getting along. Mike and Susan are pleased at the progress. Then they start getting all nostalgic about when MJ was littler. They wonder when he got all grown up. Mike instinctively puts his hand on Susan's hands and MJ sees it. Katherine calls Mike over to help, so he gets up, and when he lets go of Susan, MJ's pissed. He throws his bowling ball right on Katherine's foot. Susan is shocked, because she watches him do it, and can't believe her sweet little MJ would do that.
Bree pulls up to her work kitchen and sees Andrew carrying something in. She gets out and goes inside. She pulls out a copy of Rear Deployment and sets it on the counter. He tells her he knows about Alex's movie, because Alex is honest and told him a long time ago. Alex calls it the biggest mistake he's ever made, but he did it because he couldn't afford the tuition to med school. Andrew asks her not to let on that she knows. Bree can't believe he's okay with this, but he points out that he has an interesting past of his own and isn't one to judge, then adds, "Not to mention the fact that I love him. Very much." Bree asks, "So, he's the one?" Andrew says he is, even with his sordid past. He asks why she brought this here, and she says she thought Alex wasn't being honest and she wanted to protect him, so... Andrew interrupts and says, "So you decided to meddle in my love life?" And she says yes. He tells her it's the nicest thing she's ever done for him. I'm glad he reacted this way, because I was loving this scene and was so afraid he was going to get mad at her. Man, Bree needed this scene to sort of humanize her. She's been way too cold lately. And Andrew is just the cutest, sweetest thing so it was nice to get this moment for them. Then he adds, "Not every boy can say his mother's willing to rent gay porn for them." She tells him to please return it for her. He says he will, or he could have Alex autograph it for her if she'd like.
Gaby's back in the office of the Italian sports collector. She climbs up on the table and asks the interpreter to get her boss. At the same time, Carlos is in her closet and seeing just how much she's sacrificed: Her closet is almost empty of shoes and clothes. So not the Gaby he remembers seeing before. She comes in and throws him the ball. He's impressed she got it back, but wonders why she's limping. She says, "Fell off a table. Don't want to talk about it."
Bob and Porter enter the courthouse and Lynette and Tom wonder what took them so long. They only get to ask Bob, though, because Porter stops way down the hall from Lynette and Tom. Bob says he wanted to coach Porter a little bit. Tom asks what's wrong with Porter, and Bob says he needs some time to himself. He's nervous. Bob goes into the courtroom. Lynette looks at him and then tells Tom, "That's because he's Preston." Tom looks at him and says, "Oh crap." They walk up to him, and Preston's all, "Hey Mom. Dad." Lynette says, "Hey Preston." He's like, "Oh, you know?" Tom slaps him on the side of the arm and says, "Of course we know!" This is a really cute scene, because, of course your parents know the difference. It's cute that he thought they might not. They ask where Porter is, and Preston says he took off, scared out of his mind. He asked Preston to help him get a head-start. Lynette says that they paid the bail and now that he's skipped town, they'll lose ... a lot. Tom says they're about to find out, though, because he's not letting Preston do this. They'll just forfeit the bail, because "It's just money." Uh-oh. Lynette's thinking the same thing. She tells Tom it's not just money, but when he asks what she's talking about, she asks him to remember that she's his rock and she knows what to do in a crisis. He can't ask questions, and Preston gets to be Porter now. They go into the courtroom.
Gaby's picking up dirty laundry, and when she gets to her closet, she sees a cute little sun dress that's all princess pink and white and black. It sort of looks like lingerie, but Eva Longoria could pull it off. She wonders where it came from, and Carlos says he sold the ball to get it for her. He says she never told him how bad things had gotten. She says she didn't want to add to his blindness and depression. He thanks her for taking care of the family, and says he plans on spending the rest of his life making it up to her. up: Sell the watch to get her some shoes to go with the dress. She tells him the watch is a knock-off. She sold the real one two years ago to get the roof fixed.
Mike's at Susan's and she asks how Katherine is. She has a bruised toenail (and probably bruised emotions), but she'll be fine. Susan and Mike sit down with MJ and Mike says that doesn't excuse what MJ did. He asks what's going on. Susan tells MJ not to worry, because she thinks Mike and Katherine are great. MJ says they can't be together because "Mommy" told him that Mike and Susan are getting back together. Mike's like, "What?" And he asks MJ to go make a get-well card for Katherine's foot. He runs off. I love the things they use to get the kids to leave the scenes in this show. Although, I'm just happy they actually use the kids instead of so many other shows that supposedly have kids whom we never see. Susan explains to Mike that about a month after they split up, when MJ was crying all the time about Mike being gone and asking if Mike was ever coming back, Susan finally said maybe he would. She didn't want him to be sad, and she didn't think he'd remember it. Mike asks how she could say that to MJ, and she says the two of them have never looked each other in the eye and said there's no chance they're getting back together. Is that a requirement? Because I thought the divorce sort of took care of that. Mike says they haven't done that, but they've moved on: She's with Jackson. He's with Katherine. Susan asks, "You don't ever think about it?" There's a long pause while they look at each other, then he sort of looks up and shakes his head a little, and then says he has to go check on Katherine, and leaves.
Mary Alice comes back to tell us how awful it is to live in darkness, unable to see what others take for granted. "But if we are lucky, the darkness lifts." And then we can see the secret sacrifices made by our wives (Carlos watches Gaby try on her new cute dress); the surprising progress made by our mothers (Andrew sees Alex and his mom talking); or the unintended consequences of our actions (Lynette sees Preston standing in court). Mary Alice continues that others prefer the darkness, because there they see only what they choose to see. We get a close-up of Creepy Dave's face, with his eyes closed, and then he opens his eyes and starts talking to the lady and child. We're behind them, looking at the backs of their heads. He tells them he hasn't forgotten about them. He thinks about them every day. He has a plan, so he hopes they can wait a little bit longer. He'll be with them soon. But first, "Mike Delfino has to pay for taking you away from me. And I need just the right moment to do it." As he says this, the camera spins around so we don't see the mother and child anymore, but just Creepy Dave's profile. Then it keeps spinning to the back of Creepy Dave as he says, "He destroyed what I love the most. And I want him to feel that hurt. I want him to lose what I lost." And we see Creepy Dave's looking at two headstones: Lila Dash and Paige Dash. So, the big reveal was exactly what everyone knew it was. Except that we now know he doesn't want to kill Mike. He wants to kill Susan and MJ. We all know it's Susan, right? I mean, she's the love of Mike's life. Not Katherine. But if that means we have to lose Jackson, I'll cry. Maybe he can console Edie through her grieving when she finds out she's been married to a psycho?
week: Susan sleeps with Lee. Which is the last pairing I ever expected. Aren't they both in relationships with others? Maybe this is a flashback. Bree meets Alex's mom, played by Brenda and Billy's mom. Let's hope she's just as crazy on this. She threatens Bree, so maybe. Carlos decides to work with the blind. And Lynette is going to do whatever she has to do make sure her family is safe and makes one of her kids get out of the car so she can do what that means.
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.
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