The Sun Won't Set

Previously: basically, all the stuff that went down in last week's episode.

Things get started with MAVO telling us all about the piano genius that is Betty Applewrong. In flashback, we see Betty as a young girl playing the piano for her first piano teacher, who "praised her dexterity." Then we see Betty (or her hands, at least) playing for her first college professor, who "applauded her sense of rhythm." And then we see Betty's (hands) playing for her first symphony conductor, who "hailed her dramatic flair."

Back in the now, Betty and Matthew are hovering on the sidelines of a neighborhood block meeting. MAVO: "But Betty was no longer a concert pianist. She was now just a woman with a secret -- one she was determined to keep by any means necessary." Mrs. McCluskey is cranking about how unsurprised she is that Wisteria has had a(nother) break-in, seeing as the police don't patrol there at all. Though, really, the police presence is almost constant, considering the frequency with which they're called in to handle Wisteria Lane's many arsonists, murderers, and domestic disturbers. Tom points out that they have the neighborhood watch, but Mrs. McCluskey dismisses that as "joke," pointedly asking when was the last time anyone there had been on patrol, a question the neighbors answer with a guilty silence. Mrs. McCluskey says that she, at least, has installed security lights on her house, but she also thinks they need to pony up for professional security. Lynette says that sounds expensive. Mrs. McCluskey: "Could you really put a price on your kids' safety? Well, you probably could." Ha. Lynette says in a tired voice that she's as worried as anyone else in the neighborhood. As Lynette and McCluskey bicker, Matthew whispers to Betty that she needs to put a stop to this, and Betty whispers back that she can't exactly say she's against the concept of security. Matthew says something worriedly about "if they find Caleb," but Betty hushes him, saying she needs to "think." Meanwhile, McCluskey is saying something about how she isn't talking about hiring "vigilantes," but "trained men who know when to shoot." The neighbors argue back and forth for a while, until Mrs. McCluskey says it's time to take a "vote about armed security."

And that's when Betty makes her move: she sits down at the (highly convenient) grand piano and plays the villain's "duh-duh-duh-duhhhhh," adding a great deal of vibrating flare to the final "duhhhhh." She apologizes for interrupting -- it's just that "things were getting so dramatic." Tom compliments her on her playing. McCluskey grumps that they were supposed to be taking a vote, but Matthew keeps things off-topic by explaining that his mother used to be a concert pianist. Betty humbly admits that she "dabbled a bit," and then she launches into some serious piano-ing. The crowd listens on with wonder. MAVO: "Yes, Betty Applewhite was a gifted woman, and the greatest of all her gifts was her timing." So, somehow, using nothing but her stirring ebony-and-ivory talents, Betty manages to vaporize all thoughts of neighborhood security? That is the most retarded diversionary tactic ever. And at a scant three minutes into the show, my eyes are already rolling painfully. If they gave out Emmys for Earliest Detour into Implausibility (and I'm pretty sure they do), then this episode can start practicing its acceptance speech.

And again with the short-short credits. Which doesn't really bother me, though I do have one short-short gripe: I think they're trying to give the impression that the episode is just so cram-packed with action that there's no time to play the credits in full, but you'll notice that there's still time for endless commercials, especially toward the end of the episode.

MAVO: "Once they've suffered a miscarriage, some women sit in the dark for hours." We see Gabby sitting in her room with the shades drawn. MAVO: "They refuse to go out in the light of day, afraid to face the possibility that life will go on." Gabby walks over to her window and peeks out into the sunshine. MAVO: "They hold on to reminders of their unborn child and dream of what might have been." Gabby walks over to her bed, which is covered in baby clothes. MAVO: "Yes, this is how some women react when they've suffered such a loss..." Gabby stuffs all the baby things into a shopping bag. "Gabrielle Solis was not one of those women."

Cut to Gabby walking out to her car wearing a strapless tank and that awesome leather space mini. Susan, Bree, and Lynette walk up (what, no Edie?), and Gabby rather guiltily thanks them all for their messages, saying that she's been too busy to call anyone back. Susan tells Gabby that they've all cleared their schedules for the day, thinking Gabby might want some company. Bree pipes up that she's made some banana bread, so everyone can come on over to her place, and she'll "put on a fresh pot" and they can have themselves a really, really long chat. Gabby thinks that sounds lovely, except that she's "booked solid." She asks if she can take a "rain check," and the ladies look puzzled but agree. Bree says she'll call Gabby tonight to reschedule, and Gabby suggests that maybe, since her busy-ness is the main stumbling block to their getting together, she'll call them just as soon as some time frees up (the old "don't call us..." excuse). The ladies look even more puzzled, so Gabby does some tap-dancing about how she has so much stuff to return, and she points to her shopping bag full of baby things. Bree: "Oh, honey! There's no reason why you and Carlos can't try again." Susan: "You'd be an amazing mother." Lynette: "You should hold on to that stuff for a while." Gabby, clearly champing at the bit to exit stage right, even, says something about the baby store's "strict thirty-day return policy," and then she hops in her car and drives off, and the ladies exchange worried glances. So I guess Gabby lost the baby? And she's recovered completely from her tumble down the stairs? We're not going to see her in the hospital or anything? Huh. Way to squander some of the emotional momentum from the last episode's emotional finale! Also: where oh where is Edie? Way to squander the nice group-lady dynamic that was really beginning to percolate last week.

Meanwhile, Lynette's at work. She sneakily sneaks up to Receptionist Stu and asks him if he's busy. Stu: "No...just updating my blog." Isn't it sad how attempts to seem au-courant, such as this "blog" reference, actually make a show seem totally dated, like what, did my parents write this? Lynette tells Stu that she has an important assignment for him. Stu (who, incidentally, looks a whole like Jim Carrey...and the world hardly has room for even one Jim Carrey): "Great! I'm really ready to take on more responsibility around here!" Note to Stu: maybe announcing that you're updating your blog to someone ranked well above you at work isn't the best way to prove your worthiness for more responsibility? That is all. In any case, Lynette doesn't really need help with work; she just wants Stu to help her with a little matter concerning her husband. So not only is Lynette willing to go to any length to prove a point, but she's also one of those horrible people who make underlings do personal chores? Blech. At the very least, she could have pretended it was a "very personal favor." But no. (Twelve minus points to Lynette!) Stu, craftily: "Ahh, you want to make [your husband] jealous!" Lynette wrinkles her nose and clarifies that, actually, she wants Stue to kidnap her children, and she hands him a whole bunch of candy bars to use as bait.

Cut to the P-twins battling with a sword and a hockey stick out in front of the house. Tom and Lynette are watching from the window, Tom asking what, exactly, it is that he's supposed to be looking for, when Stu pulls up in his car. Stu rolls down his window and offer to take the boys for a ride. Tom to Lynette: "Is he abducting our kids?" Lynette: "Maybe." Tom: "This is crazy!" Lynette: "Why, are you worried they might get in?" P1 tells Stu they're not allowed to talk to strangers, but then Stu tells them if they get in the car, he'll give them some candy, and the twins come a-running. Tom: "Why aren't they running away?" Lynette shakes her head, looking smug. Tom: "This is not the time to be smug; clearly, our kids are idiots." But wait, what's this? Here comes Mrs. McCluskey, knocking on Stu's window. Friendly Stu rolls down his window, and McCluskey tasers the living spit out of him. The boys go running, and Stu goes to get out of the car, but McCluskey tases him again. He falls to the ground, and McCluskey just keeps tasing and tasing him. She even goes so far as to hold him down, which I'm told is a no-no in the tasing world (touching your taser victim is a good way to get jolted yourself). The scene ends as Lynette and Tom run out to try and save Stu. That Lynette! How many rats and receptionists have to suffer before she learns?

At Sophie and Morty's wedding reception. Morty's giving a toast, saying that, starting tomorrow, he's taking Sophie on a four-month cruise around the world (well, so at least we have that to look forward to): I would have been happy with a weekend in Vegas, but [whipping sound]." Everyone claps and laughs, but Sophie is giving Susan some very worried looks. Morty hands the mic over to his "beautiful bride." Uh oh. Here we go. Sophie starts by thanking everyone for coming. So far so good. Then she thanks Morty for helping her to be a "better person." Uh huh, uh huh. Good, good. And then, Sophie starts thanking her "amazing daughter, Susan." If only she'd stopped there! Instead of, say, going on to confess that she's a "horrible person" to the entire audience of wedding guests, and then explaining that the reason she's horrible is because she lied to her daughter about the identity of her daughter's father. For Susan's father was not a war hero, nor was he a mysterious one-night stand. Rather he was thirty-three, he was married, and he was Sophie's boss! And after Sophie told this man she was pregnant, he dumped her and never spoke to her again: "But he gave me my beautiful, incredible daughter, and for that I want to thank Addison Prudy." Susan is shocked. She gasps out an OMG, and then asks Sophie if she knows where her father is now. In front of everyone. Sophie says she doesn't know where Addison is, but swears that if she did know, she'd tell Susan. Then someone in the crowd -- Reverend Hopkins, I think -- volunteers that he knows Addison Prudy. Apparently, he "runs the feed and supply store at Third and Sutherland." Sophie glares at the informant, who says, faintly, "Ah...Prudy's a fairly...common name, of cour--so." Susan asks Sophie if this is true, and Sophie tearfully whispers, "Yes." Susan, standing now: "Are you saying that all this time my father has been alive and just right across town, running the supply and feed store?" Susan yells that she can't believe it, and runs out. After a beat, Julie gets up and follows her mother out. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. You'd think Susan would be more understanding about her mother's secret keeping, what with Susan's recent secret-keeping snafu with Mike. But no...Susan takes the "sym" out of "sympathetic." Morty to Sophie: "You're not still seeing him, are you?"

Bree and George are at a fancy bar; Bree looks utterly fantastigreat in an emerald green shift, a '60s-style partial up-do, and heavy eye makeup along with, I suspect, false eyelashes. Also, she's wearing an dynamite brooch just below her right collarbone. She's sipping what looks to be a Negroni from one of those "wacky" martini glasses with the crooked Dr. Seuss stem, which frankly I'm surprised Bree would put up with; perhaps she's too preoccupied to insist on a dignified glass. George notices Bree's preoccupation, too, and asks her if she's okay. Bree says that she's just tired. George invites her to dance, thinking it might "pep" her up, but she declines with a small smile. George smiles a friendly smile back, but then he notices that Bree's ring finger is naked again. His expression goes all icy, and he asks her where the engagement ring is. Bree stammers something about how the stone is loose, that she's going to take it in to get it fixed, but for now it's safely tucked away in her purse. George, stonily: "This isn't about Leila, is it?" Bree: "No! It's like I told you: the stone could pop off at any second." George tells her he doesn't really care if the stone gets lost, and then he commands that she put it on. Bree, firmly: "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to." George, looking more crazy by the minute, asks her, "Why not?" Bree, emphatically: "Because I don't feel like it. And this is the last time we're going to talk about this, okay?"

Right in the middle of this tense moment, a man (wearing brown pleat-front pants and a lumpy jacket) walks up behind Bree and says, "Excuse me, ma'am? We don't allow members of Zeta Beta Kappa in here." Bree puts down her drink in surprise and then jumps up and hugs the man. She looks very excited to see him, and all traces of "tired" seem to have vanished as she asks him what he's doing in town. He says he's there to visit his parents. Bree introduces the man to George as "Ty Grant" and explains that he and Bree used to date in college (in fact they were engaged, though Bree doesn't mention that to George). And then Bree introduces George to Ty as her "good friend." George clarifies that, actually, he and Bree are engaged. Bree shoots George a look of shocked rage. Ty misses the look and is saying something about how Bree looks fantastic (and she does) and how she hasn't aged a bit when Bree interrupts him and asks him if he'd like to dance. Ty would love to dance! He takes off his coat and Bree puts it on the back of her chair, and the two of them hit the dance floor.

Dancing with Ty, Bree shoots George a flirty look that's clearly punishment for his telling Ty about their engagement. A look of grim determination creeps onto George's face and he reaches into Bree's purse, pulls out her ring, and heads out onto the dance floor. He tries to cut in on Bree and Ty's dance, and Bree tells George he's being rude and asks him to go sit down. Looking uncomfortable, Ty asks if he's in the "middle of something," but George ignores him and tells Bree to put on the ring. Bree says no, so George forcefully grabs her hand and tries to cram the ring on her finger. Bree insists in a sort of panic that she doesn't want to wear the ring, and George yells, "We are engaged! You have to wear it!" And you know how sometimes George feels like a nut, and sometimes he doesn't? Well, he is all nut now. A scary, scary nut. Ty tries to get George to "knock it off," but George pushes him into a waiter, who drops a tray full of glasses, and the ring goes sprawling. By now, all eyes are on them, and you know how much Bree loves scenes! George gets down on his hands and knees to pick up the ring, and then, still on his knees, he turns to Bree. The rage of .seconds ago is gone, and in its place is George's familiar look of puppy-dog kindness. George, like a lost, little boy, tries to explain: "Sorry...I just...we're engaged." Huh, maybe George really does have a split-personality disorder? Bree, breathing deeply: "See...the thing is. I don't think we are [engaged] anymore." Panicked, George gets to his feet and tries to plead with Bree, but she tells him to leave, and Ty steps in to back her up. Defeated, George turns and heads back to the table. He puts the ring down on top of Bree's purse, and then fans down some bills to cover their tab. But then he spies a claim ticket poking out the top of Ty's jacket pocket, and he reaches over and grabs it, and grabs Bree's ring again. Oh my god, TOTAL split personality! Friendly George wants to just pay the bill and get out of there, but then Loony George steps in and is all ready to rumble!

Mike, at home, sits down with the paper and a hot beverage, but then Bongo starts growling and gets up and goes to the door. Mike walks over to check things out, and in the unforgiving glare of Mrs. McCluskey's floodlights, Mike spots Caleb running up Wisteria Lane in some huge panic (I'm not really sure why suddenly he's running after being quietly in hiding for days, but...okay). Caleb is trying and failing to get into one of the cars parked along the street. Mike runs out and tackles Caleb. Mrs. McCluskey is there, suddenly, helpfully offering to tase Caleb, but Mike tells her just to call the police.

Cut to cuffed Caleb being put into a police car by two policemen. All the Wisterians are gathered around, and Mike asks Gabby if Caleb is her Ice Cream Man. The cops shine a flashlight in Caleb's face, and Gabby sadly IDs him as the intruder. MAVO: "In a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light." I'm not sure what MA is going for here. Is she talking about the cop's flashlight? Cut to what appears to be a Porsche engulfed in a wall of flames. MAVO: "Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost": we see George, holding Bree's ring, his face lit by the warm glow of his signature Car Fire of Jealousy. MAVO: "Or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters": we see Mr. Mom Tom watching as the P-twins play ball in the soothing glare of Mrs. McCluskey's floodlights. MAVO: "Or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past": an older, father-type man (played by archetypal dad Hey! It's That Guy! Paul Dooley) is locking up "Prudy's Feed Store" as Susan looks on from a car. (Sadly, there's a "Help Wanted" sign in the store window, so I can guess where that's headed: Susan covered in a truck-load of bird seed.) MAVO: "We all need something to help us get through the night": Caleb looks nervously out at all the neighbors as the cop car slowly pulls away. "...even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope": as the police car passes Betty, she puts her fingers to her pursed mouth and Caleb nods his understanding of the "shhh." Gee, I wonder if any of the neighbors spotted that not-at-all smooth move of Betty's? That would be awkward.

And that's it! Not a peep out of Edie, and no news at all about Dr. Goldfine. Dr. Goldfine? Dr. Goldfine? Paging Dr. Goldfine!

week: Carlos is free and Bree shoots George's mobile karaoke machine!