By DeAnn Welker
Bree's cookbook success has almost everyone in a dither this week. First, her friends are all jealous (and matters aren't helped when she includes a "personal" note in each of the other ladies' copies of her cookbook that calls that woman "the sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever known"). Then, Orson wants to come work for her since no one will hire him now that he's a criminal. And, finally, Katherine's all sort of angry: jealous about Bree's success, and not at all okay with Orson joining the company. So Bree tells him to wait it out, but after he sleeps in the guest room for a few nights, she offers him a white flag in the form of a chef's hat. Screw Katherine, apparently. She threw Bree's cookbook out with the trash anyway.
Lynette's jealous, too, and tries to catch a ride on the Bree success train by taking over the cookbook marketing campaign without being asked. She tries to get Bree to change course now that the book's all ready to go and the marketing campaign has begun, but Bree tells her she's happy with what she's got. When they all show up to support Bree's Bussinesswoman of the Year award at the Chamber of Commerce banquet, Lynette meets Bree's marketing guy, who happens to be Lynette's former assistant. Lynette gets good and drunk, confronts Bree, and gets good and kicked out. She takes the emergency exit door, to be sure to cause a scene. She apologizes later, and Felicity Huffman once again shows us why she won that Emmy, as Lynette explains her jealousy and ends up looking all vulnerable and sweet, even while making Bree seem a little bit more human.
It looks like Creepy Dave is interested in Mike. This is not a huge leap, considering he first yells at Tom, who's trying to find a guitarist who's not Mike since Mike's too busy. Then he yells at Edie when she tries to talk about anything but Mike. He ends up creating a plumbing problem that he calls Mike over to fix. When Mike says he can't join the band because he lives a half-hour away, Creepy Dave buys Mary Alice's old house and rents it to Mike at a charitable price. Oh, and he won't let Edie tell Mike who the landlords are. So, yeah, either Creepy Dave's mystery has something to do with Mike or he just really wants to have that neighborhood garage band.
This works out for Mike, though, because he's been jealous that MJ is getting so close to Jackson. So close, in fact, that MJ draws Jackson and his mommy in his family portrait at school. Mike's in the picture, too, but he's so tiny he looks like a bug, because he's always far away, as MJ tells him. Mike buys him a bike to try to butter him up, but then Jackson accidentally teaches him to ride it before Mike has a chance to. Jackson tells Susan he couldn't resist, because MJ said "Pweeeeese," and Gale Harold's delivery of that word made me swoon -- and then cry, because he's still in the hospital after his motorcycle accident; but it's looking like all will be well, so ... phew! So Susan asks MJ to pretend he doesn't know how to ride yet by falling down. MJ doesn't want to do this, but he does. And then he ends up injured and spills everything to the doctor, who rats out Susan. Mike and Susan end up sad about what it means to be divorced parents. So, the moving in to Mary Alice's house is a big win for Mike as a father.
Gaby shows up for Bree's events, but otherwise has a plot so far removed from the central storylines that it's probably a G or H plot, while the A and B plots are the Dave and Bree stuff. Gaby's dealing with her sex life (or lack thereof). She is sick of squeezing in sex late at night after the girls are asleep, so she finds a weekly playdate for Juanita (it's not clear why Juanita's the only one she has to deal with, but I think we're not supposed to notice) so that she and Carlos can have two hours for "sex and a nap." She wants to try blind sex like Carlos has, so she does, and she loves it. Turns out two blind parents shouldn't have sex, though, because Juanita is standing there when Gaby removes her blindfold (so much for their other senses being heightened, since they didn't even hear Juanita walk in slurping on her juice box until way too late). Hijinks ensue, as they first lie to her (they were "wrestling") then tell her the truth (off screen). She immediately tells her new playdate friend, who starts using words like "sperm" and "intercourse" so they get uninvited from their sex-giving playdate. They head over to explain the situation -- why they had to tell Juanita. The parents seem to understand, until Carlos inadvertently tells their daughter there's no Santa Claus. And then that story line is quickly dropped. THANK GOD. If they can't find something for Gaby and Carlos to do that actually matters to the rest of the show ... well, I'm sure they can. They're just not trying hard enough.
Come back Tuesday for our detailed weecap. Until then, see what the stars did before they landed on this show.
Previously: Orson felt rejected when Bree Van de Kamp didn't mention her living husband. Tom wanted a garage band with Creepy Dave, who had rage issues and a mysterious doctor. Mrs. McCluskey questioned Edie about him. And Susan introduced Mike to her new boyfriend, Jackson.
We pick up in a kindergarten classroom where a teacher named Ms. Eleanora Butters (maybe she should have a cookbook) displays pictures her students have drawn of their families. They're all very traumatic, what with kids drawing their parents' poor hygiene a la Pig-Pen, or drawing their mothers vacuuming in their bras. Mike's and Susan's appears to be less traumatic, since it just looks like some regular people standing by a house. Mom, dad, child. But then we find out the "dad" in the picture is actually Jackson, and Mike's that tiny little bug-looking thing back by the tree. MJ says it's because he's always so far away. Mary Alice explains that Ms. Butters is basically a masochist: She does this assignment every year even though it always goes badly.
Susan, Lynette, Gaby, and Katherine all show up to congratulate Bree on her cookbook success. But Mary Alice explains they're all envious of everything about Bree's life: her well-kept home, her good food, her material things. Then she presents them each with an advanced copy of her cookbook (all with the same inscription, in which she calls them each "the sweetest, most wonderful friend"). Orson comes downstairs and leaves for work (this will be important later). Then Bree shows the ladies the advertisement that will run in Woman's Day. Gaby thinks this is terrible. She doesn't want Bree getting famous and forgetting them. Katherine snottily says Bree will never change, but implies she's already stuck-up and full of herself. Gaby's sure Bree will be famous, since she has a marketing plan. She pulls her own "marketing plan" out of her pocket. It says, "bread, milk, vodka, condoms." You know, all the staples. Lynette asks to read Bree's plan, since she used to be in marketing. Bree would love to hear her thoughts. Bree insists she's not fabulous, but then Andrew calls to tell her the Chamber of Commerce named her Businesswoman of the Year. She turns to tell her friends, but realizes she can't tell those jealous bitches. Or something like that, since she pretends what she's so excited about is the dry cleaner finding her sweater. Sadly, Bree probably would actually be that excited about a found sweater, so the ladies probably bought it.
Bree calls Orson on his cell from her car. She wants to share her great news over lunch, so she's on her way to his office. Since he's sitting on a park bench, he tells her not to come, because he's in a "meeting." It's urgent and high-level, and will take hours. Just then a park band starts playing loudly. Bree's confused about what sort of meeting would have a Caribbean steel drummer. Orson tries to play it off like someone turned on the radio as he slinks away, but Bree can hear the music outside, too, so she pulls over and catches him in the park.
Mike gets MJ a bike to bribe him into loving him as much as he loves Jackson. Susan calls him out on it, but he's like, "Can't a guy get his kid a bike without being psychoanalyzed?" On this show? Not really. He says he's fine with the picture. He's glad Susan's dating a nice guy like Jackson who likes MJ. Just then, Jackson pulls up and MJ excitedly shows his bike. Mike walks off, telling Susan to make sure to remind MJ how cool the bike is. He says something about "titanium" and "custom," but all I heard was, "My manhood is threatened by this hot painter." Oh, and Mike doesn't have time to teach MJ to ride the bike yet, but he says he will later. [Then why not simply give him the bike later? Idiot! - Zach]
Gaby and Carlos are zoning out in front of the TV, when Juanita asks if her "friend" Bethany can please go home now. Gaby says no, telling her to go play. Juanita doesn't like that all Bethany does is spin, but Gaby tells her to "suck it up and spin." When Juanita leaves -- presumably to go spin -- Gaby explains to Carlos that Bethany is their key to more sex. Bethany's mom hosts a weekly, two-hour playdate, see? And two hours a week would mean sex and a nap, a far cry from their current late-night, exhausted attempts at sex. She does explain that Celia's in "afternoon preschool," which I missed the first time I watched. Obviously, this doesn't mean Celia actually matters, since so far every storyline involving a Solis child has been about Juanita, but at least they mentioned her; small victories, Celia. So, all they have to do is find a place to unload Juanita and they can have sex again. Gaby explains to Carlos that "shopping, sex, drinking in the afternoon -- playdates make all these things possible." Carlos is sold, and hollers at Juanita to please spin.
Bree and Orson are still in the park. Apparently, Orson lost his job three weeks ago, when his work found out he lied about his criminal record on his application. Bree's not angry, but she's hurt he wouldn't tell her this for three weeks. He's embarrassed that he went from being the breadwinner to a felon who can't hold a job. She says they're partners, so her success is also his. He asks what her good news was, and she says they've been named Businesswoman of the Year. I'm not sure why this is a big, bad, awkward thing, but both Orson and Bree both look weird and unhappy. Though I'm not sure they ever look any other way, honestly. Collectively, they always look like they've just eaten a lemon: sour and cranky and about to explode. But they never do because they are both these calm, passive-aggressive types that will probably end up dead in a murder-suicide one day. Although, which one would finally break and do the killing is beyond me.
A nerdy accountant-type is shredding on the guitar in Tom's garage. Tom loves him, but Creepy Dave asks "Donald" to leave so the other two can discuss his playing. Donald says that's fine since he has quarterly something-or-others due anyway. He's totally an accountant! Good job, casting and wardrobe people, for totally making him look like a stereotypical accountant. If a character is going to be on screen for 10 seconds, he might as well be predictable. Anyway, he leaves, and Tom raves about his performance, comparing him to Jimi Hendrix. (Um, Tom? Rethink that.) Creepy Dave says he was fine but he didn't have the heart of someone like, say... hmmm, gee, I don't know: Mike? Tom already asked, but Mike's too busy. Creepy Dave insists that Tom have Mike call him. When Tom gets pushy about Donald the Accountant, Creepy Dave pushes back, "Tom. Donald's out. Have Mike call me." He's suddenly letting his rage leak out, and it's Mike-related. Uh-oh. Inside, Lynette's coming up with a marketing plan for Bree when Tom comes in after practice. (She's wearing earplugs, which is why she's stopped actively complaining about the band.) She tells Tom that Bree's agency did a terrible job, so she's coming up with a whole campaign. Lynette's all nostalgic for her marketing days, and hopes she can turn this account into some freelancing. Tom doesn't know where she'll find the time, but she figures it's the same place he finds time for the garage band. Touché.
Gaby and Carlos are alone, so she tells him to "Drop trou." Wow, it's a good thing they got this extended sex time so she could say romantic things like "Drop trou" to him. I'm sure there's no time for such romance in those late-night, exhausted sex sessions. He asks her to put on her sexy red teddy. She's not sure why, what with the fact that he's blind, but he explains he can feel it -- and that, in fact, all of his other senses are so heightened that sex as a blind man is actually better than it was when he could see. Gaby's totally jealous, but he thinks he can arrange blind sex for her, too.
Orson shows up at Bree and Katherine's work kitchen, all smiles. Bree assumes it's because his interview went well, but he says it's quite the opposite: No one anywhere will hire him because of his checkered past. But there is one business in town where he's still respected: this one. Bree's surprised he would want to work with her, and Katherine looks... well, something more negative than surprised. Let's try horrified. Bree points out it would be awkward for her to be his boss, and he agrees but says since they share everything, they'd be more of partners. Katherine calls Bree over to the sink for some help with the flower arrangement she's working on. Really, Katherine, a sure way to convince Bree she does indeed need Orson's help is to not be able to handle a simple flower arrangement without guidance. But Bree heads to the sink. Katherine makes a big deal about the flowers, using them as a metaphor for her and Orson (the irises are crowding the lilies out). Katherine insists she tell Orson "no" right now or Katherine will quit. I say Bree should let her. But Bree does what Katherine wants, and tells Orson to give job hunting another month or two and then they can revisit this option. He sulks out.
Gaby and Carlos are finishing up their blind sex. She says he was right; it was so good. He promises another round after 10 minutes' rest and an Energy Bar. But Gaby hears a slurping and pulls her blindfold off to see Juanita standing there staring at them (with a very satisfied look on her face, I should say) as she enjoys a juicebox. Turns out Bethany's mom brought Juanita home because she got a tummy ache. (Isn't she four? What kind of parent would drop a four-year-old off without bothering to check if her parents are home?) Gaby asks how long she's been standing there. Clearly long enough, because she wants to know what was going on. Gaby says they were wrestling, so Juanita thinks Carlos was hurting Gaby because of the noise Gaby was making. Gaby says she was faking it, but Juanita begs Carlos to please not wrestle with Mommy, because he's too big and will hurt her. Juanita leaves and Gaby's relieved she bought it. Carlos isn't so sure he would rather have his daughter think he beats Gaby up than tell her what sex is. Gaby doesn't think Juanita would understand that sometimes she has sex with him for jewelry. (Nice, Gaby; and can he even afford jewelry anymore?) He says it's the most natural thing in the world, but Gaby says if she was there longer than five minutes there was nothing natural about what she saw. Carlos thanks Gaby for that. Ew. TMI, show. We do not need to know.
Mike calls Susan because he has some free time and wants to come over and teach MJ to ride his bike. She says MJ's excited, but then she turns and looks out the window to see MJ riding the bike perfectly, thanks to Jackson. She goes outside and reprimands Jackson for teaching him, since Mike wanted to. Jackson asks why she didn't tell him, but Susan -- being the deliriously self-absorbed creature that she is -- assumed Jackson would not have to be told not to steal a father's precious moments. Jackson says MJ kept asking him, and he couldn't say no, because MJ said "Pweeeese." When Mike shows up, Susan brings MJ out all padded in a million layers of protective gear. She's telling him he needs to pretend he can't ride. To achieve this, he has to fall down. He doesn't want to. Then they go out and he rides like a pro. Mike can't believe how fast he's picking it up, but is too stupid to realize this is not the kid's first time riding. Susan stops MJ and tells him quietly he has to fall and shouldn't be scared. Then he keeps riding but comes to a complete stop and then topples over. Mike runs over and tells him to remember to put his foot down when he stops. Or, you know, don't listen to your insane mother. Turns out MJ's actually hurt. Susan looks appalled at herself. As she should be.
Meanwhile, Lynette's showing Bree the marketing campaign she's planned for her cookbook. It's all about jazzy colors, bold fonts, and nostalgia, but Bree's not interested. [Probably because Lynette's entire campaign is garishly ugly. - Z] She's happy with what she has, thank you very much. Lynette tries persuading Bree by insulting her, saying she knows more about marketing than Bree, and then adds that she used to "own" marketing in this town and was even Businesswoman of the Year. Bree takes this opportunity to share her news that she's this year's recipient. Lynette looks less than thrilled, but Bree pretends not to notice and invites Lynette to the luncheon.
In the hospital waiting room, Mike feels guilty. Susan tells him it's just a sprain and they should blame the pavement, not themselves. MJ comes out with the doctor, who knows that MJ fell on purpose. (Damn honest kid!) Mike can't believe Susan would do that. She reminds him to be mad at the pavement, and then admits Jackson taught him how to ride it. Mike's pissed at Jackson, but Susan points out that you can't give a 5-year-old a bike and expect him to wait to ride it until you have time. [Exactly! - Z] They bond over how sad they both are about the divorce, because it means that sometimes you don't get to be there for those big moments. They both miss things when MJ's with the other parent. But Susan says they have to come to terms with their guilt about missing these things, because there's no other option.
Creepy Dave storms into the house and asks Edie if Mike called. She ignores the fact that he's practically foaming at the mouth, and tells him she'd like to buy Mary Alice's old house, since they could get it cheap if she mentions that Mary Alice killed herself there. Creepy Dave's not interested in being a landlord. As they're having this conversation with their backs to each other he is opening a new drum and his hand's starting to shake. He's also looking downright scary. Neal McDonough is so good, because he can act like simpering Bruce Banner, but here you can really see him turning into the Hulk. He turns and screams, "Dammit, Edie, I said no!" She's shocked, because he's always been so medicated and mellow up until now. Speaking of meds, he runs upstairs and rifles through a whole bunch of them that he had hidden in a briefcase under the bed, and pops some pills. Clearly someone's not been following the doctor's orders.
Gaby shows up at Bethany's to pick up Juanita [So this is a week later? - Z], and Bethany greets her at the door with "Boys have sperm." Bethany's mom is less than thrilled about all of the terminology they shared with Juanita, who passed it right along to Bethany. And, really, the girl is four. Does she need to know what sperm is? Just give her a simple lesson about sex and call it good. No reason to explain the baby-making process, since the "condom" part of Gaby's marketing plan makes it pretty clear they're not trying for another pregnancy. Later, Gaby's telling Carlos that Juanita's kicked out of the playdate because of her knowledge of the facts of life. Carlos asks if Gaby explained why they had to do it, but Gaby didn't get a chance. Carlos guesses it's back to ten minutes of grope and snore at midnight, but Gaby says no; if Juanita doesn't get her playdate, he's not getting his. He says he'll fix it, but doesn't know why it's a big deal to Peggy. Right then, Celia runs up and yells "Sperm!" at her mom and dad, and Gaby tells Juanita to stop talking to her sister. If the Chamber of Commerce gave a Mother of the Year award, Susan and Gaby would certainly be vying for that trophy this episode.
Bree finds Orson in the guest bedroom, and he pretends he's in there because she was snoring too loudly. She says she doesn't snore, but he says she can't hear herself, but he hears her, "loud and clear." Man, what a whiner. Your wife should not have to hire you if she doesn't want to. Just be happy she's making enough to be the breadwinner, and get over your inferiority complex. It is okay for a woman -- even the world's most perfect housewife -- to be the breadwinner. I'm not a fan of this whiny, annoying Orson of late. Bree asks him to please come back to bed, but he won't. Because he's a big baby. [Orson needs to start his own stupid business, or just get a hobby. Maybe he can learn to make pot roast? - Z]
Creepy Dave calls Mike and tells him he has a busted pipe at his house. He blames it on pranksters. As soon as Mike says he'll be there in an hour, though, Creepy Dave takes a baseball bat to the pipe, busting it wide open. Maybe he should have waited closer to when Mike would actually arrive, to avoid wasting all that water? It's just a thought. When Mike shows up later, Creepy Dave asks him why he can't be in the band. Mike says he lives too far away and only comes over here for his son. He can't afford to live in the neighborhood. And a light bulb goes off over Creepy Dave's head.
Carlos and Gaby are explaining to Bethany's parents why they had to tell Juanita the truth instead of letting her think Carlos would hurt Gaby. Peggy's still annoyed, but her husband thinks the explanation's okay, so they let them back into the playdate. Bethany's parents just want her to be innocent as long as they can. Carlos and Gaby agree, and Carlos has to use an example, saying he wants his girls to believe in Santa Claus for as long as they can, before finding out it's all a lie. Right then, Bethany walks in and hears that last part. She runs off crying that there's no Santa Claus. And that's pretty much the last we'll see of that storyline, folks, so I hope you weren't wondering if that was the end of the playdates or if Gaby and Carlos ever will get to have sex again. Of course you weren't wondering those things, though, because the show has relegated Gaby to the completely irrelevant storyline every episode this season. Can't they somehow tie her into the season's larger issues, other than having her show up at a couple of events? If she turns out to be at the center of the mystery, though, I guess all of this irrelevant stuff would be a great red herring.
Lynette is telling Katherine, Gaby and Susan how terrible Bree's marketing plan is while they're sitting at her Businesswoman of the Year luncheon. They're all like, "Um, yes, you have told us that 700 times already; would you please shut up?" Bree walks up and introduces a kid named Stu, who knows Lynette. Turns out he was her old assistant. She totally makes him look like a fool by saying how great he was to schlep across town to get her Chinese food back in the day. Although, come to think of it, that makes her look worse than him, because what kind of person sends an assistant across town to get her Chinese food? The entitled kind, I think. If Stu did feel any humiliation, it goes away when Bree explains Stu's own company is doing her advertising. When he finds out Lynette runs a pizzeria, the tables quickly turn and he gets in a retaliatory dig by saying they'll order pizza from her sometime when they're working late, though it might be a bit of a schlep, since they're all the way across the town. I can't totally read the faces on the other women when Bree and Stu leave, but I feel like they all look pleased that it went this way for Lynette. Given their jealousy of Bree and now their apparent delight at Lynette's humiliation, I am thinking there might be better friends than these.
Creepy Dave comes home to Edie, who's still upset he yelled at her. He apologizes, and says he'll make it up to her by buying Mrs. Hudson's house. She can't believe he'd cave this easily, but he says he thought about what a great investment opportunity it would be to buy it and rent it out. She's thrilled and promises to charge top dollar for rent. He's not worried about that and would rather do someone a favor. I wonder if this "favor" is actually some sort of evil plan he's concocting, or if Creepy Dave really is just that into having a garage band. Given that we've never seen him go to work, maybe that's the case, since he's probably extremely bored when he's not planning vengeance or whatever on whomever it is he's out to get.
Bree calls Orson to ask why he's not at her party. He says he's preparing for his job interview and can't make it. She's upset, but he just tells her to enjoy her luncheon, and that she's earned it. Over at the friends' table, Lynette's well on her way to drunk. Katherine's not happy that their designated driver would take her role so lightly. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that they'd need a designated driver at a luncheon, but somehow I am. I just cannot imagine what carful of women would think enough of them would need to drink so much that they'd have to designate a sober driver. Oh, wait, I can imagine it, and it's totally these people. [I just can't picture these women carpooling, despite the fact that they live on the same street. I'm sure they each drove their own car here. - Z] Lynette's still upset that Stu is doing the campaign, so she gets up to go offer Bree some advice. She interrupts Stu and Bree to tell Bree to offer coupons. Not exactly the type of classy marketing I'm thinking Bree was looking for, Lynette. Bree takes Lynette away from the table, and tells her she can't deal with her right now. Lynette says that she never looked down on Bree when she had the high-powered career and Bree was just the housewife. The guy at the podium says it's time to present the award, so Bree asks Lynette to leave. Lynette does, but through an emergency exit door, setting off an alarm and ruining Bree's not-even-close-to-perfect day.
Mike shows up at Susan's to tell her that he's moved across the street. He says Mrs. Hudson sold the house, and Edie told him the new owner wants to rent it. Susan looks a little worried about this new situation, but says it's great that they'll be "one big happy, divorced family." She admits it's a little weird, but she's happy for MJ and Mike's relationship. Edie and Creepy Dave are out for a stalk/walk, watching Mike as he leaves Susan's. Edie doesn't understand why Creepy Dave won't let her tell Mike they're the owners. He says Mike has too much pride, and Creepy Dave wants him to think of him as a friend and neighbor, not a landlord. Edie says with the rent they're charging, "landlord" isn't accurate. It's more like fairy godmother. She's mostly just upset that she's finally done something nice in the neighborhood and, being a gossip by nature, she wants to be able to tell everyone. Creepy Dave spouts a platitude about how if you're silent in your good deeds, you reap the greatest reward. I'm guessing the reward he's going for is not exactly the same one that Edie hopes to receive by telling people that she's done this one nice thing in her life.
Bree's cooking when Lynette walks in and attempts to grovel. Bree isn't angry, though. She's just sorry that Lynette felt this way. Lynette's like, "Which way? Drunk? Jealous?" Bree says Lynette has nothing to be jealous of and that she doesn't look down on Lynette. Lynette says she looks down on herself because of Bree's success, which is why she wanted to hitch a ride on her old-fashioned cookbook train. Bree wants Lynette to stop calling her a success, since it's not exactly successful to have friends who don't think you'll stick with them, a business partner who resents you and a husband living in the guest room. Lynette talks her up, telling her it's worth it, and that she'll be there cheering her on from here on out. She says all of Bree's friends are bitterly jealous, but proud. Lynette's sheer goodness and humanity here seems to have turned Bree into a human, because she cries as Lynette leaves and I have to admit to feeling a little bit sorry for her. It must be difficult being so robotic that you push everyone away.
This leads to our Mary Alice voiceover. She says you can see the jealousy in the faces of those around you if you look closely. Bree walks outside for some reason, and watches Katherine tossing out her trash. She doesn't see, but we do, that Katherine's throwing out the cookbook Bree gave her. Gaby's envy is about someone's love life. But it's not even clear who it is. Just a couple making out across the street from her, but I don't know who they are. That's how unimportant Gaby is: They can't even make her part of the group during the Mary Alice voiceover wrap-up. Mike's jealous when he looks across the street and sees Jackson in the house with MJ. Bree finds a way to deal with Orson's jealousy by giving him a chef's hat, as Mary Alice says the best way to deal with others' jealousy is to simply share what you have. (When did this turn into an after-school special?) Orson crawls into bed with Bree and she asks him to promise never to leave again. I would like to say her face looks resigned, or happy, or sad, or relieved. But, honestly, Marcia Cross has had so much botox or something that I cannot even tell what her face is saying to me anymore.
week: We finally find out what happened in those five years we missed. That's right, folks: Five years in one episode. It must have been an eventful time.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see when the Housewives were at their most Desperate in our rundown of their Most Regrettable Movie Roles!
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.