Bree greets Katherine in her makeup area. Katherine needs the keys to the cashbox to pay the caterers. Katherine's a little uptight that Bree's missing all of her catering gigs now that she's a super-famous cookbook writer, but Bree's like, "I'm sorry, but it's hard being this awesome, okay?" Katherine snits that Bree's photo shoot should go fine, because if there's one thing she's really good at, it's posing as a chef. Bree apologizes for being absent, but she has a gift for Katherine: the galleys of her new book. She tells her to read page two, which says, "For Katherine Mayfair, a wonderful cook and an even better friend." That seems to smooth things over.
The photographer tries to rush Bree, and she checks that there's a backup pie before leaving to, apparently, throw a pie in his face.
Meanwhile, Lynette catches Preston gambling at some sort of underground gambling circuit (it's actually in the pizza parlor), where Porter is selling tequila shots for five bucks each. Nice business venture boys, but mom's worried about losing the liquor license. To which Preston's like, "Mom, we've been doing this a month and no one has found out." Nice slip-up, dude, telling your mom how bad you've actually been. She takes a shot (I'm assuming Porter threw her that one for free).
That somehow segues into Susan having sex with Gale Harold. I have to take a brief moment to say that I'm not sure I can get used to this after all of the Gale Harold-Randy Harrison I have seen. Because this is pretty boring and lacking in chemistry compared to that. Gale Harold has apparently forgotten, though, because he tells Susan "That was incredible." She agrees and then throws his clothes on him and makes him leave. He's like, "It's been four months. Are you ever going to let me spend the night?" She doesn't know (because she's Susan and not ever really sure about anything). She hurries him along, and he's like, "Okay, but girls usually beg me to spend the night." (Again, he seems to forget, but: also boys.) He wonders when he can meet her kids and her friends and when this will become something normal. He wants to be a couple. It's very cute, and is going to force me to stop seeing him as Brian Kinney. She kisses him and tells him to go. He says, "Okay, but that's only going to work like 500 or 600 more times." Awww. Cute. (Do we even know his name yet? It would be nice if I could think of him as someone other than Brian.)
there's a guy we don't know (Neal McDonough from Boomtown and other stuff) knocking on the door of an old guy and handing him a wad of cash for his house. He intimidates him into moving out, because the place just looks like home to Neal. He wants to move in tonight. Old guy: "Are you crazy?" Neal: "A little bit." Neal says he'll handle the landlady and all that, and then threatens the guy with an ominous backward countdown. Then Neal tells "Mrs. Williams" it's all taken care of, and when she rolls down her darkened window, it's Edie, who thanks "Mr. Williams." Aha! So he is definitely more than a little bit crazy.
The day, Edie's legs announce her return to Wisteria (presumably, the residents got to see the rest of her, but since this is network TV, we only got the tan, toned legs). Lynette calls and tells someone, "She's baa-aack." And thing we see is Gaby, Susan, Bree and Lynette asking Edie if it's really her. She hasn't changed, so she says, "You know someone else my age with a body like this?" We then get to see all of her, and it turns out she's in a leopard print one piece. She announces she has a husband now. Susan: "Really? Whose?" [Zing!]
She introduces the ladies to Neal (known here as Dave). They decide to have a party for the happy couple. But Edie goes and ruins the fake friendliness by asking Gaby what happened to her. She says Carlos might be blind, but no one else is. Gaby says, "I had two children." Edie asks her if she had them for breakfast. Dave stops Edie from being her usual crazy, mean self and she apologizes to Gaby. What is this guy? A self-help coach? No one can believe she's apologized, but they are about to be more shocked, because she also baked muffins. Lynette tells Dave they love him.
Back at the Solis home, Carlos has cooked a lunch that consists of melted cheese over Brussels sprouts. Disgusting. He's trying to make vegetables more fun, but Gaby wants to start watching their daughter's weight. He says she'll grow out of her weight, but Gaby says not if the "sea lions" in his family photos are any indication. He calls her relative "stick-thin drunks." She says the sooner they can admit their daughter has a weight problem, the better. (I'm a little confused, because weren't there two little girls at the end of last season? Did they downgrade to just one chubby one over the hiatus?)
Lynette's sick of the twins, and leans on Tom's newly waxed car. She wants him to talk to them, because she's sick of being bad cop. He says he can handle it, because boys that age are more likely to listen to their dad. thing we see is Tom talking to the twins, but not in any sort of reprimanding way. He's more of a friend, listening to their funny stories about their pranks. Lynette calls Tom and tells him he's sending the wrong message. He admits he thinks starting a casino was sort of genius, and she calls him out for thinking the twins are cool. She says he's a former high school nerd living vicariously through his cool kids. He says he was cool, and she's like, "You played the trombone!" He says she's overreacting and that they're high-spirited, but he trusts them. He ungrounded them for the homecoming dance since she gave him the leeway to handle this. And then he storms off with, "Oh, and by the way, it was a tuba. Know your brass." I love Tom.
Now we're at the princess party, and Gaby's upset because Juanita is eating a second gigantic piece of cake. Gaby overhears two mean moms talking about what a shame it is that Gaby can't say no and lets her daughter eat until she's fat. Again, Gaby, the solution here is to PUNCH THEM.
Susan walks in on Gale/Brian painting. He then strips and they start making out. Lynette knocks on the door and Gale escapes out the window. Bob and Lee see him, and snap a cameraphone photo (that's going to come back later, I think). Gale's back in his painting jumpsuit and coming in the backdoor. Susan offers up a new rule: Sex only in the bedroom between the hours of 7 and 10 PM. He says it would be easier to follow the rules if he knew why they existed. But, really, he should be running in the opposite direction. I mean, he's a hot guy and there is no reason to put up with this level of crazy this early on, is there? She just doesn't want her friends to know, because it's complicated. But he says he's just a simple guy and can't be her dirty little secret. He needs more. She freaks out and says she can't give that to him, and storms off.
Gaby wants to take her daughter to the park for exercise. Juanita's not having any of it, though, so Gaby decides to make Juanita chase the car home. ("It's a new game I invented, and you're winning one to nothing.") What an excellent parent.
Bree tells Katherine that What's Cooking, Fairview? is coming out to do a piece on her and the book. Katherine's finished the book, and is pissed that at least a dozen recipes are hers or ones they developed together. Bree says she always changed at least one ingredient. For example: she changed minced curly-leaf parsley to minced flat-leaf, and... I'm sorry, there are different types of parsley? Yeah, I'm going to have to go with Katherine on this one. Katherine says Bree can't even make some of the recipes in the book. Bree says she's let Katherine make those in the past, but that doesn't mean she can't, and besides, she dedicated it to Katherine! Katherine is like, "No, you were right. That really was the least you could do."
Gaby's still driving and making Juanita follow her home, but Juanita's tired and sits down on the curb. Then a bus pulls up and Juanita gets on. She stares down, face still covered in cake, as the bus passes Gaby. I'm not sure where the bus is going, but she sure is smug. (And, also, this girl is really, really not four and a half.)
Lynette and Tom are talking to the twins, telling them that even though she wanted to ground them, Tom explained that they could trust them, so they have decided to let the boys go to the dance. Tom's pleased, but then Lynette gets her upper hand back. "...in your father's convertible." Tom knows he's been had. Lynette insists two cool kids can't show up in a mom car. They're like, "Thanks!" She's like, "Don't thank me. Thank your father." Then she tells them to do whatever it takes to have fun, which might be going a little far to get back at Tom, Lynette.
Now Bree's being interviewed by What's Cooking, Fairview? Bree gives them a tour of her kitchen and "my staff, the most gifted, hardworking team a cook could ever have hoped for." Katherine's rolling her eyes. The interviewer asks Katherine what it's really like working with Bree. Katherine fakes, "It's inspiring. There's absolutely nothing she can't do." Katherine fakes a wrist strain and makes Bree put the spun sugar netting on Bree's famous croque em bouche (thank you, closed captioning) that is obviously really Katherine's dish. Bree doesn't want to do it. She's sure Katherine's wrist is fine. So, on the air, Bree has to come to the rescue. Bree's clumping the sugar, and accidentally flicks it onto the interviewer, burning him. "Oops."
Carlos is not happy with Gaby's way of coping with Juanita's weight. Gaby insists she's protecting her from the mean, mean world. Which, this show is sort of proving right, sadly. Women have to be beautiful and lithe, even when they're little girls. Fat is not cute much after infancy. Gaby says she only has five seconds to be beautiful, like all women, and then she'll be old and fat and married, and wondering where her beauty went. Just like Gaby. She starts crying, and telling Carlos that she's sometimes glad he can't see her, because her life -- including two kids -- takes a toll. He says he knows her face better than anyone, and she will always be beautiful. Awww, who knew Carlos was such a nice guy?
Bree's still trying to apply the spun sugar netting, but it's a colossal failure. She wants the camera off, but Katherine's suddenly feeling well enough to try the process, on camera.
Tom's waiting on the porch for the boys to come home. After all, it's 30 minutes after curfew. Lynette: "Actually, it's 32." Tom's already angry, imagining what the boys might have done to the car that he's spent so much time restoring. Lynette then tells Tom she knows that car is his baby, but her baby is her actual babies. She knows she loves the boys and thinks they're cool, but sometimes he forgets to parent them. She pontificates that the boys still aren't getting it at 16, and they need to get on the same page if they want them to get it. Hey, at least one person seems to finally be getting it. Welcome to adulthood, Tom. The boys pull up and Tom lectures them for being late. He says he and Lynette were worried sick, and grounds them for a month. One of the twins says he only did it because he was worried about his "precious car," to which Tom responds by walking over and kicking the mirror off of the car. They go inside, and Lynette's like, "Way to sell it, babe, but that was not necessary." Tom said the mirror was scratched and he'd already ordered a new one. Which is funny, but he still kicked the car, and he easily could have accidentally dented the door, so I'm saying it was still a big old risk. Lynette just grins at her hubby's sudden parenting chops.
Scavo's Pizzeria. Karaoke. Orson's doing a not-that-bad rendition of "Break on Through", as Mrs. McClusky walks up to Edie and meets Dave. Edie and Mrs. McClusky tease each other, but Dave tells her it's a pleasure to meet her.
Susan walks by Gale (do we know his name yet? Have I just missed it somewhere?) and asks him what he's doing here. He says he just needs to talk to her. She says she'll call him later, but he should just go. She walks off, but my hunch is he's not going to leave.
Edie thanks the four ladies for this apology party. They tell her they're not apologizing. They're forgiving her for being so awful right before she left. She thinks they've got to be kidding, since they froze her out and ran her out of town. Dave comes over, compliments the party, and takes Edie away from the drama. (I love Neal McDonough and all, but he might get a little boring if he won't let Edie near drama.)
Then Gale starts singing and Mrs. McCluskey asks Susan if that's her painter. She says she can't tell. He is awesomely singing "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" and I think it's really Gale singing, so I just fell even more in love with him. (If he sticks around, weecapping this is going to be so much more fun than I thought.) Susan tries to stop him, but he keeps on: "Do you love me, babe? / What do you say?" Susan heads into the kitchen and shuts off the power. Groans all around. Tom says he'll have it back up in no time. Susan uses the dark to drag Gale off the stage and pull him outside the front window, where somehow the neon signs are still glowing strong. Maybe Tom and Lynette have those on a backup generator, because in an outage you always want your neon signs to work, right?
Susan asks why he'd humiliate her in front of her friends, and asks if he's a lunatic. He says, "I'm just trying to get through to you, and, yeah, it's making me kind of crazy." She just glares. He asks why he can't meet her friends. Dude, give up now. These are not people you want to meet. You will likely end up dead or a murderer, or sleeping with Edie. None of these are good things.
She says he's not horrible, and her friends would love him, but if she introduces him to her friends then they're in a relationship and she can't be in one right now. He says he'll make her happy, but she says he might not deserve to be happy. She tells him the story from the opening, about the car accident and Mike.
Edie and Dave are arguing. She says she can't take the high road, and calls the other ladies "smug bitches." He says they live here now, and it's important they get along. She's mad she let him talk her into moving back and asks why he was so gung-ho about that anyway (maybe a question you should have asked before, Mrs. Williams). He just says that they can be happy here, but they need "these people to like us" because it will "just make everything easier." That's all he says, and it's very creepy. I love him.
Gale's telling Susan not to feel guilty about an accident. Susan replies, "You know what, Jackson? You're going to going to say anything I haven't already heard a million times." And we have a name, ladies and gentlemen, at 48 minutes into the episode. But she said she told him because she wants him to understand why she can't let him in her life. He asks if he can keep hanging out and see if she changes her mind. She guesses she can handle that. He leans in for a kiss, but the lights flip back on, and he tells her to go inside and have fun with her friends, and call him when she's free.
Back at home, Bree's working on her spun sugar. She opens the silverware drawer and finds a sippy cup. I have been in a lot of homes of a lot of parents and grandparents and I have never seen a sippy cup in the silverware drawer. That's just odd. But then, it's Bree, so I'm sure there is some crazy OCD reason that's where it's kept. But this triggers a flashback of Danielle taking her baby away. Bree is like, "You can't take him. We agreed this would be best." Danielle is like, "We never agreed. I never had a say. But I am married now, to a lawyer, and he's mine." Bree screams and cries that the kids and grandchild are all she has. Danielle tells her she's just going to have to find something else. Back in the present, Orson walks in, and says, "Honey, come to bed. It's after two." Presumably, Orson is the something else Bree found. She tells him she's perfecting her recipe since the cooking show agreed to redo the segment. He says he won't tell her how to run her business, adding, "It's your baby." (What is with everything being someone's baby in this episode, anyway?) Bree: "Yes it is." Ah, so the cooking is the replacement baby. Poor Bree.
Depressed Susan turns on the water in her kitchen and lets it run. This is not good for the environment, Susan. Turn it off before you flashback to the car crash. And then she looks up and sees a vision of Mike out her window. She nods. He waves to the door and comes in and asks if MJ's ready. So, Mike's alive, and they broke up. Flashback to a fight about the brakes. She told him to check the brakes. He did, but that isn't what caused it. They were crashed into by another car. Brakes don't really help with that. Susan: "We killed them, Mike." He replies, "We didn't kill them. They died." Susan's all torn up that it was a mother just like her with a child just like hers, and if it weren't for her and Mike, those people would be alive. Mike says she just wants to suffer. Susan says he doesn't care at all. He says he can't do this again, and walks out.