Bree's grilling Orson's therapist to at least tell her why he steals. Orson spares the therapist, saying he does it to hurt her. She doesn't know why he'd want to do that, so he explains that "Each day, for the past year, you have, inch by inch, slice by slice, brought me closer to being a eunuch." Poor Orson. Now I don't hate him for the stealing, because she really, really has. Bree kicks the therapist out, despite him saying he wants to help, and then tells Orson she doesn't deserve this, since she's been supportive and gave him a job. He says he wanted to be her partner. She can't believe he'd punish her like this, since she's his wife. But he says he's not her husband, since she's married to and nurturing her business. He tried to be supportive, but being Mr. Bree Van de Kamp is killing him. He says that every day he gets smaller and smaller and, if something doesn't change, Orson Hodge is going to disappear.
Carlos tells Gaby the girls are down, so he's going back to work. She doesn't want him to and thinks Lucy can cover the meeting, but he reminds her how much she likes those two extra zeroes at the end of his paycheck. She suggests a quickie, but he doesn't have time. She jumps on the table, saying it will be like old times, but he says that must have been with someone else, since they've never done it on a table. Uh-oh. He tells her she's failed at turning him on and puts on his jacket to leave. She says they haven't had sex since Bradley died and he took over. He promises her they can defile furniture this weekend.
Edie's on the phone asking Mrs. McCluskey if she has any fax paper. She yells at her to turn off the Dean Martin, and then says never mind; she'll go the store tomorrow. She offers to get something for Mrs. McCluskey, who apparently gives her a long list, so Edie says she'll call her from the store in the morning. As she hangs up, the camera zooms in on Edie's fax machine, which says, "One Message Stored." Who ever thought a fax machine would be such a major player in this show -- or any show -- in 2009?
Susan's looking at and praising artwork from the kids in her class. She looks at Evan's picture, and it's a person standing over another one, with a whole bunch of red crayon. She says that's a lot of red, and he tells her it's blood. She guesses it's a doctor standing over another one, making him all better. Evan corrects her: "No, he's stabbing him in the guts with a sword." Susan thinks that's scary for an assignment that was to make a picture that makes you happy. This does make him happy, and he'd like his gold star, please.
Gaby can't believe everyone works now -- Bree, Susan, now Lynette -- so she's having coffee with Tom. She wants to gossip, so he tells her someone got a new Harley. She says she should probably leave, but he asks her to be patient since he's new at this. So she starts, by complaining about how Carlos is too busy to do anything -- namely, sex. Tom's a little uncomfortable, but tells her to go on. She says it's been almost two weeks, and he's horrified that she thinks that's a drought. She says Carlos doesn't want to do it lately, but Tom says that guys want to do it even if they're exhausted, get home late, and have been shot in the leg twice. They always want to. Gaby just has to push past the tired adult to find the horny teenage boy inside. Gaby says Tom's good at girl talk. He thanks her and asks if Lynette ever talks about him and sex. Gaby says she should get back home and leaves.
Karl's at the school. He can't believe Susan called him down here for a picture of a kid playing with a soccer ball. I saw the picture and I'm not sure how delusional he'd have to be to see it as that, but ... definitely very. She says it's a head, and it's someone stabbing someone with a sword. The principal's there, and he tells Karl there's generally a problem when a child exhibits this type of behavior. He gets a call and leaves the room. Karl is mad that Susan ratted out Evan, but she says she told the school psychologist, who told the principal. She does point out that his son is crazy, though. He thinks she's just still mad at him, and doesn't want Evan in the class. They scream back and forth a lot, very loudly. The principal comes in as Karl tells Susan to bite her. Susan says they're just having a difference of opinion. Karl tells the principal that his opinion is that Susan has no creativity. She tells him to shut up, and the principal is shocked. Karl tells the principal this is typical Susan behavior, and looks at her and adds that she wonders why no man can stay with her. She throws a cup of red paint in his face, then asks the principal if this would be any less shocking if he knew they were once married for 12 years. He seems to think so.
Bree's on the phone, telling someone named Mr. Dinsmore that, even though she said she wasn't interested in selling before, she'd now like to make a deal to sell him her business. The camera spins around her until we see Orson sitting to her watching expectantly. She sets up a meeting with Mr. Dinsmore for the day.
Edie's giving Mrs. McCluskey her groceries the day, which is nice, but then she calls her old. So it balances out. Edie tells Mrs. McCluskey that Creepy Dave's camping, and Mrs. McCluskey replies that it's good for him to enjoy the great outdoors and gut a bunch of teenage kids on prom weekend. Edie jumps to Creepy Dave's defense, about how hard of a life he's had. She tells Mrs. McCluskey that he was married, and his wife and daughter died in an accident, so if his behavior seems strange sometimes, Mrs. McCluskey should try to remember the grief he's carrying. Mrs. McCluskey lost a kid, so she knows what it does to you, and she wishes she'd known. Edie says she does now, so to be more understanding. Mrs. McCluskey then invites Edie over to drink and listen to Dean Martin. Isn't it morning? Anyway, Edie goes along, as the fax machine continues to store its message, with the fax paper now purchased but not yet put in the machine.
Bree looks lovingly at her catering kitchen and her cookbook cover, awards, and accolades, when Andrew comes in to tell her that Mr. Dinsmore is waiting for her. In the meeting, Mr. Dinsmore says he's surprised she'd sell since she always said she wouldn't. Orson tells Mr. Dinsmore with a satisfied smile that Bree's a very traditional woman, which is one of the reasons he fell in love with her. Mr. Dinsmore asks if she's stopping working completely, or will she write another cookbook? She has decided to focus on other pursuits, and Orson agrees that her only ambition will be to be Mrs. Orson Hodge, and he couldn't be more excited. Orson takes Mr. Dinsmore upstairs to get the contracts she's left up there, and Andrew takes the time alone to lecture Bree about doing this for Orson. She tells him that her cookbook was not a lie: She is a traditional woman, and believes in the things she wrote about. She would be a hypocrite if she preached these values and didn't follow them herself. Andrew gets it -- she loves him -- but he wonders why Orson would want her to stop doing what makes her happy if he loves her. Andrew leaves.
Back at the office, Lynette tries to make nice with Lucy by giving her a glass figure. Lucy snarks, "Cute," but then places it on the opposite side of the desk from her figurine collection. She then tells Lynette she knows she's the one who complained to Carlos. Lynette says she spoke to Carlos briefly, but she thought he blew her off. Lucy thinks that's a flimsy defense, and tells Lynette to consider Friday night a permanent work night, adding a final blow by saying that if Lynette is as bad at coaching as she is at office politics, it's good for her daughter that she won't be coaching the team.
Orson and Mr. Dinsmore come back, and he tells her all he needs is her signature. She asks Mr. Dinsmore if she can speak to her husband alone. She tells him this is happening too fast. He says he needs this for his recovery. She asks for a year, but he says she made a promise. She tells him that this business gives her a sense of joy and accomplishment, and asks if that's really something she'd like her to give up. He says yes, and calls Mr. Dinsmore back in. Mr. Dinsmore asks if they're ready, and she tells him no, that she's changed her mind. She will be doing another cookbook after all. Dinsmore leaves and Orson asks what about him; he might start stealing again. She tells him to steal what he must, but it won't be her company.
In the cabin of doom, Katherine giggles to Creepy Dave about how Mike is out like a light on the couch already. Creepy Dave says fishing will do that to you. Katherine says he'll need energy for their hike tomorrow, but Creepy Dave says he's not going to go with them. His knee's been bothering him. She says they can wait until the day, but he says that's okay, especially since it's such a romantic hike that they should do alone. She tells him what a good attitude he has -- how he always sees the silver lining. He says it doesn't come naturally, and she asks his secret. Oh my, Katherine! Where should he start? He tells her he realized he was waiting for someone to fix things, but no one was going to, so he took matters into his own hands. He had to decide what was important and go after it, to make himself happy. She asks if he is happy, and he says he's getting there. Is he crazy?! This will not make him happy. Oh, wait, he totally is crazy, so logic cannot be applied here. He tells Katherine to get some sleep, since she has a big day tomorrow.
Carlos arrives home late, still on the phone with Lucy, who's scheduled a meeting for 7 a.m. He puts up a little fight, but says he'll see her there. Gaby's in the closet in a shiny robe. When he asks why she's awake, she says seductively that she couldn't sleep, since she was a little hot. She strips off the robe to reveal a sexy teddy. She tells him he looks a little warm himself. She pushes him on the bed and jumps on him. He tells her he thought they were waiting until the weekend, and he's tired. She says it's not her problem, but he points out that if big Carlos is tired, that rules out little Carlos, too. Gaby tells both Carloses that they're putting out. She starts kissing him, but he flips her over, telling her he's awake now and he'd like to spice it up. He ties her to the bed frame and then leaves her there so he can go to another room and get some sleep. Seriously? That is grounds for divorce.
Gaby comes in to Lynette's office, and says she knows she's busy but she just wanted to drop off the girls for a second so she can talk to Carlos. She tells the girls to have fun with Aunt Lynette, and takes off before Lynette can protest. She gives Carlos the shoes, and asks if he thinks he can buy her off with a present. He says it's not a good time, but she says she doesn't know if he'll even be home tonight. He closes his office door and says she pushed him to take this job, but now all she does is complain. She knows, but she's scared they're turning into the people they used to be: She's unhappy at home, and he's too tired to make her feel loved. She says they made these mistakes before and doesn't want to do it again. He tells her he made a commitment to the job, and can't just bail. She knows, and that's what really scares her.
Out in the hall, Juanita and Celia are bored. Lynette's already given them sodas and let them use the paper shredder. They would like some toys, please, and they just happen to spot the toys on Lucy's desk. Lynette tells them that Lucy will go bonkers if they play with those... and she's so sorry she can't stop them. The girls go play with them, and Lucy comes in and starts screaming. Lucy asks what the hell they're doing, and I think she might have met her match with Juanita, who says, "We're playing. What does it look like?" Lucy sees the cleaning lady in the hallway and assumes these are her kids. thing we know she's yelling at the lady about how much "dinero" those imported figurines are worth.
Carlos and Gaby come down the hall, and he asks Lynette what's with the yelling. She tells him she's just as worried as he is. When Carlos rounds the corner and sees Lucy, the kids and the cleaning lady, he asks what's going on. She tells him that, "Apparently, some people don't understand this is a place of business and they need to keep their kids at home." Carlos tells her she needs to yell at him, then, since these are his kids. The girls run over to Carlos and Gaby. The maid smirks. Lucy stutters that she didn't know that, and thought they were the cleaning lady's. [I realize the kids weren't at their dinner party, but Carlos has never shown her pictures of his kids? - Z] She says she's sorry, but Carlos asks her so what if they were the cleaning lady's? Is that how she talks to people? Um, yes. How could Carlos not have noticed that already? She tells him she's just stressed. He tells her they should maybe pull back a little, but she says if she wants this company at number one, that's how it has to be. And if he doesn't, she's not his girl. He says he was just thinking the same thing. She asks what happened to the old Carlos, who would do anything to be the best? He guesses he's not the old Carlos anymore. Gaby smiles. Lynette goes by Lucy's office and baby talks for her not to forget her little animals.
Orson's making up his bed on the couch, because he forgot they have a guest room, apparently. Bree asks him to please come to bed. He won't, so she tells him she knows he's mad, but she really does want to find a way for him to be happy. He says he does, too, and shuts off the light. She goes upstairs to bed, and he immediately slips out of the covers and gets up. Outside, Creepy Dave and Mike arrive home. Creepy Dave wants to get his stuff tomorrow, since he really wants to get home. We see Orson walk by in the background, and then focus on him as he spots an open window in the neighborhood.
Creepy Dave arrives home, where Edie's sitting with a glass of wine on the stairs. She tells him she always wondered why he was so determined to live on Wisteria Lane. She says he always said they'd be happy here, and she wanted to believe him, but now she knows he just wanted to be close to Mike Delfino. She holds up the fax of the article. He asks who gave her that, and she says nobody; she's not too stupid to do research. He tells her this doesn't mean anything, but she says it's all there: the accident, Mike's acquittal, and even a mention of how David Dash couldn't make it to the funeral because he had a nervous breakdown. He tells her to give him a chance to explain. She tells him to start by explaining why he married her. He says he loves her, and she says, "No!" She says he needed a cover story, and to get close to the man who killed his family. He tells her that's ridiculous, and she agrees that it's insane, but that it's the only logical explanation. She asks if he's going to hurt Mike, and she wonders what the hell he's been waiting for. Creepy Dave tells her she's not feeling well, and wants to get her into bed. She calls him a freak and asks if he moved them there to hurt Mike. Creepy Dave says Mike destroyed everything he ever loved (uh, didn't you just say you love Edie?), and he was never punished. He says he needs to make things right. She cries, asking him why he had to do this when they could have been so happy. She picks up her phone to call and tell Mike before Creepy Dave does something stupid. He asks her not to, but she dials. He takes the phone from her and starts choking her. She tries to get away, but he lowers her to the ground and keeps choking. He suddenly has a moment of non-crazy and lets her go. She gasps, looks freaked, and runs out as he stands back and cries, with his hands up like he'd never hurt her.