By LTG
Everybody gets a little bit of story tonight. Mike moves in with Katherine, who decides to throw a little housewarming party. She and Susan are pretending that they're both cool with Mike's move-in, and Katherine invites her to the party. But things go south when Katherine learns that the painting that moved in with Mike was actually painted by Susan, and features a scene from their honeymoon. When she moves the painting into the basement, Susan's feelings are hurt. And then Katherine gets to explain how insecure it makes her feel to see reminders of Susan's love for Mike. Susan then pretends to be a jealous ex-wife and takes the painting back to spare Katherine the sight of it.
Lynnette and Tom close the restaurant and sell off all the equipment. Tom's feeling depressed, and Lynnette thinks that what he needs is a job. And it just so happens that Bree's publisher is looking for a new marketing exec. Bree throws together a dinner party to introduce them, but Tom can't be asked to show any interest in the job. However, his interest is piqued when Lynnette starts pursuing the job instead. They end up embarrassing themselves in front of the publisher, and neither one gets the position. But in the end, Lynnette realizes that she really wants to get back in the ad business, and Tom gives her his blessing.
Edie's out buying booze with Dave (for the party) when they run into a priest who claims to know him. Dave tries to distract Edie, but she overhears him threatening the priest. So she tracks down the priest, who tells her that Dave's last name is really Dash. Which makes Edie "Mrs. Dash." Spicy!
Finally, Gabby and Carlos are sick of covering for his boss's affair. Gabby doesn't want to risk Carlos's job by confronting the boss, so she has the bright idea of confronting the mistress. That doesn't work out so well; the boss ends up telling Gabby that he loves his mistress and is going to leave his wife. He also tells Gabby that Carlos should bring a box to the office, since he's going to be fired. But when the boss tells his wife he wants a divorce, she stabs him to death. So everything turns out fine in the end.
Oh wait, did I say that everybody gets some story tonight? Actually, Bree holds a dinner party, and we discover that Orson is a kleptomaniac. Just because.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how we think Creepy Dave is gonna get revenge on Mike.
As Orson leaves the Hodge family compound, Mary-Alice's voice-over tells us that anyone who met him knew that he believed in being polite. We see some examples of his nice manners as he wanders downtown to visit Scavo's, where Tom is packing up the restaurant in preparation for the going-out-of-business sale. Orson politely offers any help that Tom needs, and Tom rather rudely rebuffs him. Orson admires a salt shaker (in the shape of a fat pizza man, which Tom's grandfather gave to him) and offers to buy it. Tom points out that the stuff in that box isn't for sale; Tom's taking it home with him. Orson tries to commiserate with Tom, based on the fact that Orson recently lost his livelihood (when he went to prison and lost his license to practice dentistry). Tom continues with his rudeness, pointing out that Tom is losing his restaurant due to a crappy economy, whereas Orson lost his license due to his own criminal behavior. Mary-Alice tells us that Orson hates rudeness, and we see him palming the salt shaker as he leaves the restaurant. Credits
Mike is finishing his move into Katherine's house, and she thinks it would be swell to invite her pals to a housewarming party. We see her writing invitations and then handing them out to Gabby, Bree and Edie, all of whom are sitting on someone's porch. Marcy-Alice tells us that they all made assumptions about who had and had not been invited; when Susan walks up, we can tell that they all assumed that she was the one who hadn't been invited, as the three invitees clam up and then claim to have been talking about the budget deficit. Katherine disabuses them of the notion that she's as petty as the rest of them by pointing out that Susan has obviously been invited to the party. The other women are shocked at the maturity Katherine and Susan are demonstrating. Edie notes that whenever she sleeps with somebody's ex, she "get[s] an angry mob on [her] front lawn." [To prove a point, she brings up Carlos to Gabby, and gets a "Shut up, bitch" in return. Awesome. - Zach] Susan and Katherine basically act like grownups, which is pretty shocking for this show. What I find shocking is that someone let Terri Hatcher wear that see-through sweater on camera.
At Scavo's, some bargain-hunting vulture is offering Lynette half-price for the pizza oven. She negotiates the price up a bit, in the process telling him (and us) that Tom has taken his anger out on some of the restaurant appliances. Tom comes over, and Lynette tells him that at the end of the sale, they should have enough to pay off their debts (including their debt to Bree), but no more than that. Tom shuts down, but Lynette presses him to give her some info about what his future plans are in terms of supporting his family. Because apparently he's the only one capable of doing that. He tells her to back off, and then practically assaults the bargain-hunting vulture when he proposes paying $50 for a $200 cappuccino machine.
Solis house. Carlos walks out on the porch to find Gabby waiting for Carlos's lecherous boss to unload his kids from his car; Lecherous Boss and Mrs. Lecherous Boss have theater tickets and no babysitter, so Gabby offered to watch the kids. Carlos can't believe they're helping LB cheat on his wife and babysitting his kids at the same time. And then Mrs. LB lets drop that she thinks Gabby introduced LB to "his new girl," which turns out to be her name for the hairstylist who is a hairstylist but is also actually LB's mistress. Except that Mrs. LB doesn't know about the mistress part, having run into LB and the Hair Ho at her salon in the mall, and having believed his story that Gabby suggested he get a haircut from the Hair Ho. LB palms his wife and kids off on Carlos, and then asks Gabby to re-schedule a date she had with Mrs. LB for the day so that LB can have a nooner with the Hair Ho. Gabby, not forgetting that she's a blackmailer, tells LB that she wants Carlos to have a week off from work in the coming month. LB turns her down, and then when Mrs. LB comes out, Gabby hems and haws about rescheduling her tennis game with Mrs. LB until LB gives into her vacation demand with a silent nod behind Mrs. LB's back.
Casa Hodge. Orson is reading a newspaper, and Bree busts his ass for leaving his jacket hanging on the sofa instead of in the closet. When he picks up his jacket, the salt shaker falls out of the pocket. Bree actually recognizes it as coming from Scavo's, which is pretty unbelievable. What's even more unbelievable is that she doesn't comment on how tacky it is. Orson claims that the fat pizza guy must have just jumped into his pocket. Bree tells him to take it back, and he starts talking like a second-rate Chef Boyardee, telling her that the salt shaker would rather stay at the Hodge residence with the pretty redhead. He also complains about how rude and dismissive Tom was, and acts as though that justifies him keeping the salt shaker. Bree points out the stupidity of this position, and commands him to return the shaker. [I'm sorry, but Orson talking in that Italian accent was the funniest thing I've seen all month. - Z]
Susan brings her punch bowl to Katherine's house (for the housewarming party). Katherine is still putting Mike's stuff away, and Susan commiserates with her about some of the tacky items that Mike brings to any relationship. But it turns out that they both like the painting that he hung over the mantle. Katherine really loves it; Susan thanks her, since Susan was the one who painted it. It depicts a beach they went to on their honeymoon. Katherine doesn't stop smiling, but she's clearly not pleased. Commercials.
Lynette gives Bree a check for the amount the Scavos owe her; they each apologize for their awful behavior a couple of episodes ago. And with a hug, they're over it. Bree asks about Tom, who is wandering around the yard in his bathrobe at noon. Lynette thinks he needs a job, and Bree notes that her publisher is looking to hire a marketing executive. She offers to arrange a dinner party so that Tom can meet the publisher.
Housewarming party. Orson arrives and tells Mike that he's looking forward to one of his world-famous martinis. Mike notes that Mrs. McCluskey already wiped out the liquor supply, but that he sent Edie out for more booze. Orson: "Ah, so you sent the mouse to buy the cheese? Well done." If they keep writing lines like that for Orson, I won't really care about his descent into madness. (I'm sure kleptomania is just the first step.) Susan arrives and finds Bree, Gabby, and Lynette standing together in a little clump. They're surprised to see her, and she asks why they can't accept the fact that she and Katherine are behaving like adults. Lynette: "Because I vividly remember yesterday, and I wasn't born during it." Susan tells them that she can prove that she and Katherine are okay by showing them the honeymoon painting that Katherine hung over the mantle. Except that the paining is not there; it's been replaced by a photo of Katherine and Mike. (Gabby: "You painted that? You're good.") Mrs. McCluskey arrives and breaks through the usual bullshit by calling out to Katherine and asking her where the painting is. God bless those martinis. Katherine claims that the painting fell and the glass broke; she'll re-hang it when it's come back from the framers. Katherine leaves, and it's clear that none of the women bought the story. Except for Susan, who seems determined to cling to her faith in her friendship with Katherine.
But Susan was clearly lying, as we cut to her entering the garage (or basement, who cares), where she looks around until she finds the painting. (And Katherine actually did a good job of hiding it in the middle of a bunch of other framed prints rather than leaving it out in the open.)
Liquor store. Dave and Edie shop for booze. There's a long line of people buying lottery tickets due to a huge jackpot. Edie is pleased to find a priest buying a ticket, as it confirms her view that everybody is a hypocrite. The priest looks up and recognizes Dave. He greets Dave, and Dave freezes up. Dave sends Edie off to buy some vermouth and then tells the priest to shut up and leave him alone; he doesn't want anything to disturb his new life. Edie spies on this whole exchange from behind a display of wine. After the priest leaves, she asks Dave what's up, and he claims that the priest remembered him from a flight they took together once. Commercials
Housewarming party. Carlos overhears Gabby on the phone with Lecherous Boss. After she hangs up, we learn that LB wants Gabby to take Mrs. LB shopping to he can have time for a quickie with the Hair Ho. Carlos can't stand the immorality of it all. Gabby seems consoled by the fact that her mad blackmailing prowess is getting them some stuff out of the deal, but Carlos can't take it. He wants to confront Brad and get out of the whole deal, but Gabby would rather not have him lose his job and the income that comes with it (not to mention the personal shopper, etc.) As a last desperate act, Gabby asks him to give her a chance to try one other plan before he confronts LB. And what is that plan? "Tomorrow, I'm going to the mall to get my hair cut by a slut."
Mike enters the garage and finds Susan holding the painting. Susan points out Katherine's lie about the glass breaking (a lie that Katherine had also told to Mike), and he stomps off to confront Katherine. Cut to the party guests listening the Mike and Katherine arguing at the top of the stairs. The fight reveals to the guests that Susan found the painting and showed it to Mike, which Gabby thinks is just scandalous. Because she knows that blackmail requires some discretion. Katherine walks down the stairs and stomps off when she sees Susan. The other women assume that Susan was deliberately trying to cause a fight, but she claims not to have enjoyed one minute of it.
The Hair Sluttery. Gabby is in Hair Ho's chair. She explains that she needs a drastic new style to help her cope with the emotional stress of having an affair with a married man. Hair Ho is pretty dim, and after a while Gabby has to just tell her that she's referring to Hair Ho and Lecherous Boss. Hair Ho claims that LB loves her and is going to leave his wife. Gabby points out how unlikely that is, since Mrs. LB is pregnant. Hair Ho claims that LB and Mrs. LB haven't had sex in over a year. Gabby: "Well, call the Vatican, 'cause we're gonna need a manger and some hay." Hair Ho threatens to cut off a sizeable hunk of hair unless Gabby leaves the Hair Sluttery at once. Commercials.
Lynette and Tom are dressing for Bree's dinner party. He hasn't shaved, and springs the news on him that the dinner is actually an ambush job interview. He's pissed off, but she whines and gets him to agree to shave and brush his teeth.
Casa Hodge. Bree's publisher, Bruce, arrives. Bree takes his coat, but he has to retrieve his mini tape recorder before he does so, noting that he would be lost without the ability to instantly record every idea that comes into his head. He mistakenly calls Orson "Orville," and after Bree corrects him, he records a note: "Idea for children's book -- kid who gets the crap beat out of him because he has a goofy name. Could be Orson." The Scavos arrive, and Bree tries to talk up Tom's brilliance to Bruce. But as soon as Tom walks in the door, he staggers off to the kitchen in search of a beer.
Susan's doorbell rings. She opens the door to find Katherine standing there with some flowers. Katherine tells her that she's there under duress to apologize (at the watchful Mike's insistence), even though it is clear to Katherine that Susan should be apologizing for ruining the party. Katherine counts to three, decides that she's been there long enough to make Mike think she apologized, and walks away. But Susan calls her back, busting her for having lied about the painting (while also apologizing herself). Katherine thinks it's different, because it's so hard for Katherine to be constantly reminded about his relationship with Susan.
At Casa Hodge, they appear to be just about done with the main course. Bruce thanks her for the meal, and she tells him that she just wanted him to meet Tom. Bruce gives Tom an opening to talk about his career in the ad business, but Tom can't muster more than a half-hearted "I don't know." Lynette talks him up, but he just sits there like a big pile of crap. Bree and Orson leave them to talk in private while they fetch dessert. After more of Tom's indifference and Bruce's pitch, Lynette realizes that she wants the job, and mentions that she also has advertising experience. Tom stands up and asks to speak to her in the kitchen. Once there, he busts her for trying to steal his job. She points out that he didn't exactly seem eager to call dibs on it. (All of this takes place in front of Orson and Bree, by the way.) Tom says that she has messed with a bull and will get the horns, or some such bluster, and they stomp back to the dining room. Bree tells Orson, "Maybe we should slice the tarte in here. I don't want to bring a large knife into this." Oh, Bree, you and your prophetic powers. Commercials.
Back at the dinner party of the damned. Tom and Lynette have returned to the table. Tom claims to have been acting disinterested in order to gauge exactly how interested Bruce really was. He's passed the test, so Tom is interested in the job. He and Lynette start competing for the position. At first, they're each just talking themselves up, but it's not long before they start tearing each other down. It starts with Lynette pointing out that she used to be Tom's boss, and ends with Tom expressing a fond hope that Lynette's cancer not return and interrupt any work she might be doing for Bruce. This is where Lynette should have claimed that Tom cries during sex. It's probably not true, but it wouldn't be the first time those words have been uttered at this table. And when you're trying to emasculate and destroy your husband, you might as well steal from the best. (While all of this is going on, Orson and Bree are in the kitchen, where Orson is complaining about how Bruce is a total jerk.) Partway through the worst job interview ever, Bree and Orson re-enter the room and put slices of tarte down in front of everyone. After seeing just how crazy Tom and Lynette can be, Bruce makes an excuse to go home. He makes it clear that there's no way in hell either of them will be working for him. Orson tries to tempt him to stay by noting that the dessert is a tarte tatin. Bruce, into his recorder: "Idea for novel -- woman who's married to a gay man and doesn't know it." He puts down the recorder to put on his jacket, and Bree sees Orson palm it. She offers to wrap up a piece of the tarte to go, and follows Orson into the kitchen.
In the kitchen, Bree demands that Orson return the recorder. He denies knowing what she's talking about, and we hear Bruce start to wonder aloud where the recorder went to. Tom enters the kitchen to look for the recorder and finds Bree with her hand shoved down Orson's front pocket as she frisks him for the recorder. Tom backs slowly out of the room, and Bree brings the recorder to Bruce.
Gabby walks up her steps to the front door, and is startled when LB says her name. He's sitting ominously on the porch. He's there because the Hair Ho told him about Gabby's little Hair Sluttery confrontation. Gabby tells him that she's sick of enabling his adultery. He claims that her morality only lasts until he throws some money at her; she tells him that he's right, and that from now on he should keep his money, because she's not going to cover up his affair. LB says that it's not just an affair -- he actually loves the Hair Ho. Gabby tells him that if he doesn't man up and tell Mrs. LB, she'll do it for him. He tells her that he will, and that she should tell Carlos to bring a box to work on Monday. Is it Bring Your Box to Work Day already? Oh, actually, it's because Carlos is fired.
Scavo residence. In a darkened kitchen, Tom and Lynette apologize for the horrible things they said to each other. And it's an actual apology, as they're able to laugh at their own insanity and at Bruce's stupidity. Tom asks if Lynette really wanted to go back to work. She tells him that she'd like another shot at the brass ring. Tom tells her, "We did my thing for seven years. Now it's your turn."
Casa Hodge. Orson takes off his shoes (which he probably stole from someone who cut in line at Starbucks). Bree enters the bedroom and chastises him for very nearly embarrassing her with his little theft. Orson think that Bruce deserved it, since he insulted Orson. Bree, voice of reason and self-assertiveness, tells him that the correct response to being insulted is to say something to the jerk, not to steal his tape recorder. Orson claims not to know why he's been stealing things, but that he thinks it has something to with the fact that nobody respects him since he lost his dental practice. Bree doesn't care about the motive -- she just tells him that it had better never happen again. She storms out, leaving her earrings on the dresser. Orson eyes them like a neurotic gay magpie and slips one into his pocket.
Church. Edie has sat through Mass; God really must be in the tub, because I don't see any sign of a lightning strike. As everyone leaves, Edie approaches the priest (the same one who recognized Dave). Edie tells the priest that Dave refuses to talk about his past, and that she's hoping the priest can shed some light on it for her. The priest refuses to help her, which makes me wonder if maybe what he knows about Dave he learned in the confessional. But as he leaves, he calls her "Mrs. Dash." She corrects him, telling him that her last name is "Williams." He apologizes for assuming that she would have taken Dave's name. Commercials.
Susan knocks on Katherine's door. Mike answers. Susan tells him that she's there to take her painting back. Mike can't believe she's being so petty, but she stomps in and takes the painting off the wall above the mantle. Susan claims that she doesn't want her art hanging in the house he's sharing with his new girlfriend. Katherine comes into the room and tries to intercede, but Susan cuts her off: "Mayfair, this is between me and my ex. Got it?" Katherine does get it, and she gives Susan a little wink and a smile. Susan smiles back and walks out. Mike can't believe how crazy Susan is.
Casa Lecherous Boss. Mrs. LB is chopping vegetables with a big knife and talking about colors for the baby's room. LB looks tense, and then announces that he has something he has to tell her. Cut to Gabby. She's looking pensive when Carlos walks up to her and kisses her on the head. He's looking for a new job, but is actually really happy that she decided to do the right thing even though it cost them some money. The phone rings. It's clearly Mrs. LB, even though we don't hear her end of the conversation -- all we know is that she's upset, and wants to see Gabby right away.
Gabby and Carlos arrive at the LB home. Mrs. LB welcomes them in and starts ranting about how awful it was that LB wouldn't stop talking about the Hair Ho. She leads the two of them into the kitchen, where we see that she figured out how to shut LB up -- she stabbed him in the back with the knife.
Mary-Alice tells us that we should never be impressed with people with good manners. Because they may turn out to be investment bankers. Or actually, because their manners may hide the fact that they are kleptomaniacs, as we see Orson wave to Tom. We also see Edie googling her own husband, and Gabby getting some coffee for Mrs. LB while Carlos calls the police. Really, is it considered rude to call the police when you discover that a murder's been committed? What does Emily Post have to say about that? Mary-Alice thinks that Susan's rudeness in demanding back the picture is actually the best manners of all.
week, it's getting all lesbionic up in here. Enjoy!
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how we think Creepy Dave is gonna get revenge on Mike.