By Evany
The police invite Bree over to George's house so that they can (a) tell her in person that George is dead, and (b) tell her about the Bree-altar room George had in his house, which is full of all kinds of unsavory things (Bree's stolen underthings and also a life-sized Bree doll, for example). The police warn Bree that the press has been sniffing around the George story, and they advise her to give her family a heads-up. So Bree removes Andrew from deprogramming camp and tells him that George killed Rex. Andrew holds Bree responsible for Rex's death (seeing as she was the motivation for George's actions), so out of spite and/or lust, Andrew invites Justin over for some videogame playing and also sex. But before they do the sex, Andrew tells Justin all about his hatred for Bree, and his plan to unearth some juicy, life-destroying dirt on her. Soon thereafter, the always-accommodating Bree obliges Andrew's deep, dark wish by confessing that she watched George die. So now Andrew has all the ammo he needs to bring Bree down, poor Bree! Susan's bio-Papa Prudy gets busted for solicitation, so he asks his bio-daughter to come bail him out. Bio-Dad's wife spots Susan's car as she drops Papa Prudy off at home and mistakes Susan for one of his whores. So Mrs. Prudy writes down Susan's plate numbers, tracks down her address, and then spray-paints "WHORE" in foot-tall letters across Susan's garage door. Papa Prudy agrees to tell his wife the truth, but of course he doesn't, which Susan discovers when she runs into Mrs. Prudy at the market and the woman starts pelting Susan with groceries. Susan confesses her status as a bio-daughter, and Mrs. Prudy is crushed by the news, since clearly it indicates just how far back Prudy's philandering stretches. Lynette agitates to get a daycare program at work. To get enough kids to qualify, Lynette needs Boss Ed's baby to sign up, but Ed's wife, a "perfect mother," doesn't want to let her baby out of her sight. But after some Lynette-meddling, which involves pitting Ed against his wife, Lynette prevails, and the daycare is a go! Gabby donates $8000 to the church with hopes that the funds will enable Sister Mary Hotpants to go to Africa, but SMH counters by talking Carlos into going to Africa, too. When Carlos goes for his immunization shots, Gabby deliberately neglects to tell the doctor that Carlos is allergic to eggs, which are a big part of one of the shots, with hopes that the resulting allergy attack will leave Carlos too sick to leave the country. Cut to Carlos shivering and sweating in bed, and calling out Sister Mary's name, zing. Caleb Applewrong, who has gone mute since his arrest, has been placed in a nuthatch facility. Betty does her famous distracting-piano trick, which magically provides Matthew with enough cover to sneak Caleb out. (Oh and there are some weird men -- maybe bounty hunters? -- who also seem to be after Caleb. Mysterious!)
Previously: Caleb got arrested, Susan wanted to get to know her long-lost dad, Gabby went to war with a nun, and Bree let George OD on pills, Jack Daniels, and crazy.
MAVO: "There were many ways to tell Bree Van de Kamp was a lady." A policeman hands Bree out of the back seat of a bright blue car, and she thanks him courteously. Hey, I think that's the triple-creamy coat she wore on the weekend of antiques and reluctant sex! MAVO: "She was courteous to those around her, she moved with elegance and grace, and she was very careful to never let others know what she was thinking." Bree walks inside George's house, which is roped off with police tape and crawling with uniformed policemen. Inside, Detective Barton thanks Bree for coming in on such short notice. Bree innocently asked if they've managed to find George. Ah, so I guess she's going to play innocent? And pretend that she didn't know that George was holed up in that hotel, even though the bellman can testify that he handed her a note from George, and that she read it? Not to mention the possibility of cameras in the hallway or elevators (according to any crime show around, footage of Bree in the hotel is almost a guarantee)? She sure does like to play fast and loose with her cards! A Barton flunky informs Bree that George actually committed suicide. MAVO: "You see, like most well-bred women, Bree had something to hide." Bree delivers a somewhat half-hearted attempt at surprise, and then very graciously thanks the two policemen for telling her in person. My god, her hair is a perfection of perky, curled-up flippery.
Bree turns to leave, but Barton tells her that there's actually more to the story. Bree nervously follows Barton a little deeper into the room, and he shows her a plastic bag full of violet- and sage-colored underthings and asks her if she recognizes them. Bree, scandalized: "Those are my...panties!" Just so you all know, the word "panties" is one of my all-time least favorite words. I don't like the way it sounds (sort of whiny), I don't like the way it breaks down (pant-tease, i.e., heavy breathing + taunting), and I don't like the kind of sexitive man who tends to use it most. Nothing about it is good. Flunky Cop tells Bree that they assume that George stole the...underwear -- in fact: "Mr. Williams had a whole roomful of unsavory items." Boy, George sure does unpack fast; didn't he just move in? I guess that, when crazy people relocate, setting up the shrine room is the very first thing they attend to. Bree asks what they mean by "unsavory." Flunky: "You don't want to know." Barton advises Bree that the Daily Tribune has actually been sniffing around the story, and while the police are trying to keep a lid on things, Bree might want to inform her family about these latest unhappy developments so that they're not blindsided.
Just then, two uniformed cops come out from a back room carrying a redheaded mannequin, which is clothed in an argyle cardigan and pencil skirt. Barton apologizes to Bree, telling her she wasn't supposed to see the doll. Bree, who is clearly freaked out: "Is that supposed to be me?!" Barton looks over at the doll -- which looks a little mannish, actually -- and yet the red flip is pretty unmistakable. Barton: "Well [comedic pause], it's hard to say." Bree, all confused, says she doesn't get it: "What would George be doing with a life-sized doll?" All the policemen cough and look away, and Bree's face melts into a frownie of disgust, and she holds her hand to her chest and actually says, "Oh, dear lord!" The policemen move to take the doll away, and Bree starts to freak out, asking what they plan on doing with it. Flunky tells her that they need to keep it, because it's evidence. Barton apologizes, telling her that he knows "how difficult all this must be." Bree pauses a moment to collect herself, and then she smiles hugely and insists that she's going to be "just fine!" MAVO: "Yes, there were many ways to tell that Bree was a lady." Bree turns and walks out of the house with her head held high as, just a few feet behind her, the policemen carry out her life-sized doppelganger. With a whole line of neighbors looking on. MAVO: "But the surest was to watch how she maintained her dignity in even the most undignified situations." And roll the truncated credits!
MAVO says some very dramatic things about the time-old story of the prodigal son, and we see Zana, with weird "Utah and back" wig hair, walking up Wisteria Lane. CreePaul comes out of his house to pick up the paper and spots Zana, and they race right up to each other and engage in, as MAVO calls it, "the tender embrace of a loving father." A loving, blender-bashing father. And his adoptive hockey-stick-bashing son. Together they head inside...
...and while Zana gobbles a sandwich, CreePaul tells him that Susan told him she gave Zana money to go to Utah. Zana: "Yeah, I had no idea where to look for you, though, and the money started running out, so I thought that maybe you'd come back here." CreePaul: "Smart kid." Then Zana asks if what Mrs. Tillman told him is true -- that his birth mother was a Utah drug addict? CreePaul confirms Felicia's rumor. And while this would have been an excellent moment to reveal some regret over his beating Felicia all the way into the hospital, and perhaps ask after her well-being, instead Zana asks CreePaul who his bio-father is. CreePaul claims that he doesn't know; it "could have been anyone."
Cut to...Mike, walking up the street! Get that? Could be anyone; cut to Mike? Betty walks out of her house to meet Mike, and he hands her a paper bag. Betty thanks him for the faucet: apparently, she has a leak that's been driving her crazy. Betty asks Mike what she owes him, but he tells her it's no rush, and that she can pay him when he installs it. Why isn't he installing the faucet now? I have no idea. Also, you'd think that someone with no money coming in (since Deirdre's dad isn't bankrolling him anymore) would be less lackadaisical about getting paid. It can't be cheap, living high on the Wisteria Lane hog as Mike's been doing lo these many months. Just then, Edie jogs up and asks Mike and Betty if they've seen today's paper. Edie bends to pick up Betty's paper, and Matthew -- who apparently has been lurking nearby this whole time, trimming the hedges (not a metaphor) -- wanders over to this awkwardly assembled group, so now it's one jogger, one teen with hedge clippers, one harried housewife with a leak, and a plumber dropping off a faucet, just, you know, standing around on the sidewalk, swapping gossip! (I can hear the script-writing jam session now: "We've got to give Mike and Edie something to do in this episode...") Together, all four of them look at the cover story of today's paper: "Police Seek Help in Identifying the Mystery Vagrant," it reads, and it shows Caleb's mug shots. Apparently, Caleb's been taking Betty's goodbye hush to heart, and he's been completely mum since his arrest, so the police are keeping him in a "psych ward" until they figure out who he is. Betty says that she, for one, will rest easier knowing the guy isn't roaming the neighborhood. Edie laughs and jogs off, and then Mike leaves, his meaningless task (dropping off the faucet he'll be returning later to install) now complete. Matthew asks Betty what they're going to do about Caleb. Betty: "Obviously, we are going to go and get him."
Elsewhere, today's Mystery Vagrant newspaper is serving as a coaster for a gun clip. The paper and clip are sitting on a desk in a darkened Sam Spade kind of office, and Hey! It's That Guy Michael Ironside is there, packing a duffle bag full of gun paraphernalia. Ironside asks a scruffy-looking guy sitting across from his desk where the handcuffs are, and Scruffy tells him they're in the bottom drawer. As Ironside continues to pack, Scruffy asks him how long he's going to be gone, and Ironside tells him, "A couple, maybe three days." Ironside sorts through his duffle and discovers a ball-gag. "What the hell is this?" he asks Scruffy. Scruffy: "It's a ball-gag." Ironside: "We do not. Recycle. Ball-gags." Which, coincidentally, is exactly what it says on my license plate holder. Ironside throws the ball-gag at Scruffy, and tells him to take a look at the teeth marks, which he describes as "gross." Ironside is so upset about the used ball-gag mix-up that he is overcome with an asthma attack and has to take a puff on his inhaler. Hmm, I wonder if this asthma weakness is going to be significant in some not-so-distant scene? Scruffy offers to accompany Ironside on this mystery trip, reminding him that "this guy's dangerous." Ironside: "He's a half-wit, Jerry. If I can handle you, I can handle him." And scene. Who? What? Where? Huh?
The ladies (minus Edie, oh-so-sadly) are having coffee out on someone's (Susan's?) white wicker wonderland terrace. Lynette: "So he poisoned Rex?" Gabby, amazed: "Sweet little George Williams." Bree says something bitter about how unsweetened George turned out to be, and then she informs the ladies that there's a chance that all the sordid details will turn up in the paper, which is why she's prepping them now. And I have a feeling she wouldn't have told them otherwise, which is kind of sad; Bree felt comfortable enough to have a spectacularly unflattering meltdown in front of these women at her husband's second funeral, but she didn't even tell them about her awkward, awkward engagement? Though maybe "random acts of secrecy" is just the way Bree rolls, I don't know. In any case, the ladies are now very supportive and sympathetic. Lynette: "Like you haven't been through enough!" Gabby, wearing her silver leather space blazer: "God, and he's our pharmacist. It's enough to turn you holistic!" Susan says she's "kind of glad the guy's dead," and Gabby says that she hopes he suffered. Bree gives them the uneasy look of someone who has first-hand knowledge of George's last moments, and then she ducks her head into her coffee cup and quietly tells them, "Well, we'll never know." Across the street, a Camp Cognac SUV drives up, and Andrew gets out. The ladies ask Bree if Andrew knows about George yet, and Bree tells them that "he hasn't got a clue." Just as Susan finishes asking Bree how she thinks her son might react to the news, Andrew yells from across the street, "All right! What the hell's going on!? I know didn't take me out of kid jail for my health." The ladies look at Bree like "uh oh," and Bree tells them that she'll check back with them later.
Cut to Andrew, sitting in the Van de Kamp living room. Bree has just filled him in about how George killed Rex. Andrew asks if the police know why George did it. Bree, clearly uncomfortable, takes a swig of water and tells him that the police seem to think George killed Rex to free Bree up for some marrying. Andrew shoots his jaw to the side in a way that says "I am angered," and then he deliberately puts his diet lime cola down directly on the table, coaster be damned. Bree immediately starts to panic about the ring the soda is going to leave on the table, and she instructs him to please use his coaster! Andrew: "My father was murdered because of you. So as far as I'm concerned? You no longer get to tell me what to do." Bree tells him he's not being fair, and then she returns his drink to his coaster and wipes down the table with her hand. Andrew, yelling now: "You brought that psycho into our house! You sat him down at our table! Just how fair do you expect me to be?" Bree pleads with him, saying that George "fooled a lot of people," and Andrew points out that George never fooled him. Which is true! Andrew gets up and heads toward the stairs; Bree follows, telling him she knows she's partly responsible, and that she hates herself for what happened. Andrew: "Good. Now we have something in common." Andrew crosses his arms defiantly and informs Bree that he's going to have his friend Justin over to spend the night. Bree backpedals into parental mode, asking where this friend Justin is from. School? Church? "What kind of friend is he?" Andrew, all wink-winky: "The real good kind." And then he heads up the stairs. Bree yells up to him that it's "inappropriate" for him to have a guest, seeing as he just got home, and Andrew reminds her that, as he said before, she doesn't get to tell him what to do anymore. Andrew stomps the rest of the way upstairs, and Bree is left just kind of standing there, a look of "wow, it turns out that my life kind of sucks" playing across her face.
Papa Prudy knocks on Susan's door, and she greets him with a huge smile: "You came!" Papa Prudy: "Did I have a choice?" Susan laughs like she thinks he was kidding. PP clarifies: "Because at the hospital, you sounded like you were fully prepared to blackmail me into having some kind of a relationship with you." Susan shrugs her hospital behavior off as "the heat of the moment," and tells PP that once he gets to know her, he'll realize that she is totally not capable of blackmail. PP: "I wish you'd made that clear in the hospital; could have saved me a trip." Susan stands there awkwardly, like "perhaps he kids me not?," and then asks if he's going to come inside. PP says sure, seeing as how he has a lunch hour to kill.
Cut to Susan and PP sitting the kitchen table, completely surrounded by Susan memorabilia: teddy bears, red and blue ribbons, photos, all the stuff from her childhood. Susan holds up a photo from when she was two years old and makes PP guess what Halloween costume she's wearing. He guesses, "Homeless person?" and Susan scolds him: she was dressed as a chicken! She points out the feathers, which he tells her he thought were "supposed to be trash." PP heaves a big sigh and then asks if they're done yet, since he has to get back to work. Susan stands up with him and disappointedly points out that they haven't even finished with her high-school years. She holds up a photo from the "Father-Daughter" dance (which seems like an unlikely high-school event...certainly, we never had one at my high school), to which, she tells him forlornly, her "mother's hair stylist" escorted her. PP, bored and exasperated: "What do you want from me, Susan?" Susan says something about how she was hoping they could share more than just DNA, and then she asks him, in a sad and small Susan™ voice, if he really finds her collection of junk so very meaningless? So, at last, PP volunteers to take the "hobo picture" with him, which makes me laugh, mostly just because I'm such a fan of the word "hobo," which is as good as "panties" is repugnant.
Lynette is in boss Ed's office. She is wearing a weird and tight and little black dress that's covered in a pattern of white flecks that, at first glance, looks like sequins. A matching belt is also involved. Lynette plunks a fat stack of papers down on Ed's desk, and Ed asks what it is. Lynette tells him it's their company's insurance policy, and asks him if he's "ever bothered to read it." Ed: "I'm going to say no, but don't tell." Lynette informs him that their insurance covers daycare. And while I'm no HR expert, I don't think daycare is really something insurance covers. Isn't it just a benefit that a company chooses to provide or not provide? Anyway, as Lynette points out, ever since they fired half the staff, Ed and Lynette have "barely left the building," and Lynette's kids hardly recognize her. Ed concurs: he himself has a seventeen-month-old baby he hasn't "seen awake in weeks." Lynette tells him that all they need is sixteen kids to qualify for this mysterious insurance daycare program. She counts off her four kids, plus Ed's one, plus some random kids from other random employees; then, she says, "we hit the motherlode with the Mormon receptionist: she just popped out #6" (though from what I recall of New Receptionist Pat, she looks pretty post-menopausal to me, but okay). Altogether, Lynette's kid-list adds up to? Sixteen! Except that, as Ed tells her, his wife won't go for it: "Fran won't even let anyone else hold the baby." But surely, Lynette counters, Fran would love a few hours to herself? Ed: "If I hadn't cut that umbilical cord with my own two hands, I swear they would still be attached." But he tells Lynette that if she wants to talk to Fran herself, she can knock herself out. And let the meddling begin!
Gabby stomps into church and somehow does not burst into flames, even though she's wearing the same silver leather space blazer from yesterday. The same article of clothing, worn two days in a row? Gabby must really be losing it. From way across the church, she yells at Sister Mary Hotpants, "You! What the hell did you do to my husband?" SMH asks Gabby to restrain herself, reminding her that they are "in a house of God." Gabby, still yelling: "Tell me where he is!" SMH, with deliberate dimness: "Everywhere, of course." Gabby, so, so frustrated: "Not God. My husband!" And then a side door opens and out walks Carlos, carrying a box full of envelopes. He's looking suuuuper-relaxed. Gabby snaps that he was supposed to meet her at the spa, and Carlos tells her that he was just "helping Sister Mary with the mailings for the fundraiser." Apparently, the church is sending a team of do-gooders to Botswana to help with the drought. Gabby: "That's your excuse?" Ha! She reminds him about their appointment for "side-by-side water massages," which she made weeks ago. Hey, wait, how long has Carlos been out of jail? I don't think it's been more than a few days, in which case, how did Gabby know he'd be out in time for the massage appointment? Carlos admits that, while it's unfortunate that Gabby missed her massage, perhaps it isn't so terrible considering that there are "people dying in Botswana." Gabby: "There are going to be people dying in this church if you don't wipe that patronizing look of your face." Carlos drops his box and asks Gabby, "What is your problem?" Gabby turns to SMH and, with sickening sweetness, asks if the nun will excuse them for a moment. As SMH walks away, we see she has an unmistakably satisfied smile on her face.
Gabby points out to Carlos that they are supposed to be working on their marriage, which they can't really concentrate on as long as "Lady of Perpetual Stick-Up-Her-Butt" keeps Carlos busy "worrying about thirsty orphans." Carlos, laughing: "You're blaming Sister Mary for the tension in our marriage?" Gabby argues that SMH wants Gabby and Carlos fighting so that she can have Carlos all to herself. Carlos tells Gabby that she's crazy, given the fact that SMH is a nun. Gabby says that SMH may "wear a habit" (which she doesn't) and the "beads" (which she doesn't): "At the end of the day, she is still a woman, just like me. And I know what I'm capable of." Carlos, meanly: "She is a woman. But she is nothing like you." Burn! Carlos returns to his envelope-stuffing room (not a metaphor), and Gabby stomps off. SMH, who apparently only retreated about ten rows away (and thus almost surely heard all of Carlos and Gabby's conversation), says, "You look tense, Gabrielle; perhaps you should think about getting a massage." Gabby stops and fumes for a second, and then she stomps off. Really, Gabby is so much smarter than this. Scheduling a spa appointment for a man who is swearing off material goods isn't the best way to sway him. The Gabby I know wouldn't waste her time with spas. She'd cut right to the chase and find herself a man to make Carlos jealous.
The phone rings over at Susan's, and her machine picks up. It's Papa Prudy! Susan, who is sitting at her drafting table and doing some work (for once), dives for the phone. She is all smiles when she picks up the phone -- seriously, she is thrilled that he called. PP, who we see is calling her form a payphone: "You know how you were saying you wanted to be part of my life?" Susan, smiling-smiling-SMILING, is all "Yeaaaaah?" like, clearly, she's expecting some sort of good news, like maybe there's a father-daughter dance down at the local high school and he wants her to be his date. And yet? No. PP, it turns out, is down at the police station, in need of Susan's bailout technology. Wah-wah!
Cut to Susan, down at the police station, waving some paperwork in PP's face. "Solicitation?" she screeches, "You were arrested for solicitation?" PP claims it was "entrapment," that he's the "victim here." Susan: "But...you were with a prostitute?" PP looks over at the hooker-disguised policewoman and says, "Apparently not!" PP: "I asked her three times, 'Are you a cop?' They gotta tell you. But she didn't say boo!" And then, yelling over to the hooker-disguised lady cop: "I thought this was America!" Susan: "Addison! You just got caught paying for sex. Now is not the time to wrap yourself in the flag." PP keeps insisting that it's not his fault, which Susan, understandably, doesn't quite get: "I'm sorry, how is trying to pick up a hooker not your fault?" PP explains that he was sitting there, innocently working at his computer, when suddenly all these sexy pop-up ads appeared on his screen, and then he, in turn started...popping up. Susan, looking disgusted: "Can't you just go home and have sex with your wife like a normal person?" PP: "She's a sixty-eight-year-old woman. That bell stopped ringing for me years ago." So I guess Mr. Prudy is some kind of depressing troll-monster? Susan puts up her hands, all "OH MY GOD," and tells him just to stop talking, and then she gets up and...pays his bail! Huh? That's it? She's just going to help him? Because really, he's pretty horrible. Though...wait a second! Remember Born Free? How the game warden and his wife Joy taught Elsa to fear mankind by forcing themselves to be mean to her? Maybe that's what Prudy's doing for Susan! Even so, at the very least, Susan should have brought some photo albums down to the station, forcing PP to spend a few more hours reminiscing as punishment.
, we see Susan dropping of Mr. Prudy at his house. It seems it would make more sense if she drove him to wherever his car is parked, because how else is he going to get his car home? Unless the Prudys live within walking distance of a hooker pick-up spot, and his car is still parked at home? Which seems a little weird. Anyway, Papa Prudy asks if now, finally, he's off the hook, and they can give up on this "whole father-daughter thing." Susan takes a deep, thoughtful breath, and then tells him, "Thursday. Coffee at 2. Be on time." PP: "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you dim?" And the entire, twenty-six-million-strong viewing audience screams "Exactly!" Susan says something unbelievably saintly about how the whole point of getting to know her bio-dad was "to learn, not to judge." Finally, PP gives in: "I bring the coffee. That crap you made burnt a hole in my stomach." Susan smiles, and PP grumpily gets out of the car. And...what's this? In a twist that surprises no one, we see that Mrs. Prudy is sitting in her own car, and has been watching this entire scene play out between Papa Prudy and Susan, and I don't think she's getting the father-daughter vibe. Mrs. Prudy gasps, grabs a pen, and writes down Susan's license plate numbers.
Meanwhile, over at the Botswana fundraiser, Sister Mary Hotpants is giving a presentation. She has a map, and a poster that features a photo of her with a young African boy, whom she introduces as "Tundeh," describing how he lost both his parents in the drought. Carlos and a crowd of sympathetic-looking people are listening and nodding along to SMH's spiel. Gabby is in the very back of the room, looking bored. She gets up and goes to the coffee urn, and a priest (possibly the same one she told first, back when she was pregnant) comes over and asks her what brings her to the meeting. Gabby, archly: "I'm concerned about the drought in Kenya." The priest corrects her, "Botswana," and Gabby is all, yeah, right, whatever, but then she asks him, sort of politely, what he's been up to. The priest informs her that he's been busy trying to raise money for this Botswana trip, which is just a week away, but that, sadly, their funds are so skimpy this year that they had to cut back on the number of aid workers they're sending: "Sister Mary [and] Sister Greta were so disappointed." Gabby perks up at the idea of Sister Mary going on a trip, and she asks the Father for more details. Apparently, Sister Mary goes to Africa every year, for at least a few months, but this year, when she discovered funds were short, she stepped aside, claiming that there's "plenty of god's work to do here." Gabby is all, "I bet." While this conversation between Gabby and the priest plays out, we see Sister Mary drop a bunch of her handouts. Carlos springs up to help her, and they smile warmly at each other. Gabby: "How much cash are you short, Father?"
Moments later, the priest gleefully interrupts Sister Mary's presentation to share the good news about the $8000 donation the church has just received. Sister Mary and Sister Greta hug, and the whole crowd bursts into applause. Father finishes his announcement by saying, "Which just goes to show...angels are everywhere," and then he winks at Gabby. Gabby smiles and stirs her coffee. Sister Mary Hotpants's face transforms with dawning understanding, and Gabby gives her a "take that!" sort of look.
Down at the office, Lynette is at the front desk, going over some papers with a co-worker, when Ed's wife, Fran (played by Penelope Ann Miller, of Adventures In Babysitting fame), comes rolling in with her baby carriage and asks the receptionist if Lynette Scavo is available. The receptionist, by the way, is no longer New Receptionist Pat. Maybe Pat also got the ax in the layoffs? But if that were the case, then the company wouldn't be able to hire a new receptionist, because the position itself has to be eliminated in a layoff; otherwise the company leaves itself open to even more lawsuits. So anyway, I guess this is the new Mormon receptionist, she of six children? Fine, okay, whatever. Lynette introduces herself to Fran...
...and Fran and Lynette head back into Lynette's office for a chat. Fran, sipping coffee (so much coffee in this episode!), says to Lynette, with much incredulity, "You want me to put my daughter in daycare? But I'm a stay-at-home mom!" Lynette tells Fran that she doesn't necessarily have to leave her daughter there all day, but maybe "just a couple hours in the afternoon?" Lynette, in total pitch mode, says how nice the time off would be, how relaxing Fran would find it, etc. But Fran insists that she doesn't need any time off; she loves taking care of "little Mindy." Lynette: "Oh, of course! But we all have days when we're starting to lose it. Wouldn't it be nice to have some place to take her, before you want to strangle her?" And the way Lynette says "strangle her" is super-jokey, like "from one mother to another," but clearly Fran is shocked to hear such a thing coming out of another mother's mouth. And while I totally relate to Lynette here, I think that, as a professional pitch-giver, she'd be able to read her audience better, because from the second Fran walked in, you could tell that she's 100% Stepford crazy. Fran laughs a superior little laugh and then tells Lynette that she "cherishes every moment" she spends with her daughter.
You can see that Lynette is finally realizing what she's up against, but she keeps her smile fixed in place. She takes a big breath and then she "levels" with Fran, telling her that the real reason they need Mindy is to get their numbers up so that they can qualify for daycare. Fran: "Well, that's not my problem." Lynette shrugs and says okay, that she just thought she'd "give it a shot." Fran, with complete insincerity, tells Lynette that she wishes she could help, and she gets up to leave. But at the door, she turns and asks Lynette, "Why did you have kids if you weren't going to raise them?" Lynette's smile hangs around for a beat or two, and then her eyebrows go up and she says, "Excuse me?" Fran: "I just don't understand women who say they want to be mothers but then hand their kids over to glorified babysitters." Lynette laughs a humorless laugh and tells Fran that she works because her family needs her to. ["You'd think she'd add, 'Much as your husband does, which is why he never sees the kid he's totally not raising, by your definition.'" -- Wing Chun] Fran: "Oh dear, now I've upset you. And that wasn't my intention." Lynette shakes her head, smiling, and tells Fran, "I...bet. Make no mistake, I'm a good mother." Ha! Fran: "That's the difference between us. I couldn't settle for being a good mother. I want to be a great one." Lynette sort of flares her nostrils and smiles some more, and Fran says, "Bye bye" and leaves. I don't get it. Can't they just say Mindy has signed up for daycare, and then just never make use of it? Or does this "insurance daycare" come with its own police force that's going to come a-checking? And if so, not all kids are going to be there at any given moment, so can't they just claim Mindy's out sick, or out of town, or something?
Alberta, the neighborhood cat lady, is out walking on the sidewalk in front of Susan's house. She is wearing a pink sweatshirt emblazoned with a kitty face, and she has an orange tabby cat on a leash. (As many, many people on the boards have pointed out, this is not the same Mr. Whiskers Susan cat-sat before, a potential oversight that I've decided to write off by assuming that this crazy cat lady, like many crazy cat ladies, has more than just one cat.) Susan walks out of her house, wearing her PJs, a robe, and slippers. She, like everyone else on the show, is drinking coffee. Behind her, we can see that her white, white garage has been spraypainted with the word "WHORE" in two-foot-high scarlet letters. And the word has even been underlined. Susan leans over to pick up her paper and, when she stands up, she notices Alberta staring at her. She smiles and says "Hi!" and starts babbling something about how she'd like to get more copies of Alberta's neighborhood watch fliers. Alberta, clearly thrown by the WHORE, kind of waves uncomfortably and then wanders off, and Susan mutters something about "borrowing" a flier from somebody else, and then she turns to go back inside and she finally sees the big, fat WHORE. And CRASH! She drops her...paper (and yet still manages to hold on tight to her coffee).
Papa Prudy comes over to Susan's house to check out the tagging on her garage. "Yep," he says brightly. "Looks like Carol's penmanship." Susan can't believe it. Does Carol think Susan and Papa Prudy are having an affair? PP explains that his wife probably saw Susan drop him off after his jaunt to the police station. Susan tells him that now he has to tell Carol the truth, but PP is all, "No, oh no! I'd catch holy hell." Susan: "Oh, so you want me to catch it for you? I mean, you yourself said she was crazy. I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and find my tires slashed." Prudy sighs and finally agrees to tell his wife. Just then, Edie rolls up in her convertible. She stops in front of Susan's and, with mouth hanging, takes in the WHORE sight. Incidentally, she's wearing smoky-mirror sunglasses and a gypsy kerchief and looks somewhat nuts. Susan just stands there and sort of smiles, like, "what are you going to do," and then she asks Edie if there's something she'd like to say. Edie: "No...[your garage] pretty much says it all!" Edie semi-stifles a laugh and then drives off. Is that all that Edie does now -- jogs or drives up to some unrelated storyline, drops a bon mot, and then leaves? Such a waste of funny.
Gabby, wearing a glittery gold mini and a painful mistake of a pink sweater (it has a HUGE collar that evokes the wings of a stingray), comes home to find Sister Mary Hotpants sitting and laughing with Carlos in her living room. Gabby, obviously still riding off the high her $8000 bought, walks over and sits down with them, saying what a "lovely surprise" it is to see the Sister! SMH tells Gabby that she couldn't leave without saying goodbye, and Gabby lies about how much she's going to miss the nun. SMH, rubbing Carlos's back, tells Gabby, "I'm sure not half as much as you're going miss your husband." Uh oh. Carlos tells Gabby not to "freak out," but that he's going to Botswana! Gabby: "WHAT?!" He explains that "Sister Mary needs a companion." Gabby asks what happened to Sister Greta, and SMH explains that because the "region is so volatile," she decided she'd feel "much safer with a male companion." Gabby tries to put her foot down, but Carlos jumps up and explains that he's "only going to be gone for two months," and that the trip is very important to him because he "wants to be one of God's soldiers." Gabby gives Carlos a "what you talking about Willis" face, and then SMH jumps up and grabs Carlos's bicep, cooing that after he sees the "devastation over there," he's never going to be the same: "You see how selfish your old life is. And you just want to get rid of everything [looking over at Gabby] that reminds you of it." Carlos, for some reason, doesn't pick up on the "subtlety" of SMH's remark at all, and just keeps smiling a lobotomized smile at her. Gabby glares, and SMH giggles and then gushes that it's time for her to go and start packing. Carlos kisses Gabby's hands and tells her he has to go and write a thank-you note to his parole officer, "who's being a real mensch about this." So...his parole officer knew about this trip before his wife did? That doesn't bode well for this marriage. SMH hangs out, twiddling with the cross around her neck, as Carlos scuttles upstairs. Gabby walks over to her, gets right up in her face, and says, "I may be a Catholic, but I am so not above slapping a nun." SMH: "Go ahead. Do it! Just make sure you hit hard enough to leave a mark." Which, I guess, means that she's daring Gabby to do something provably bad to SMH -- something that will, for sure, push Carlos over the edge. Or maybe SMH is into S&M? In any case, Gabby doesn't hit the nun; she just stands there, staring at her, instead. SMH: "Yeah, I didn't think so."
And it's another late night for Lynette and Ed. Lynette is on the phone with Tom, telling him to kiss the kids goodnight for her. When she gets off the phone, Ed apologizes to her for the "daycare thing," offering by way of explanation that Fran doesn't even let him hold the baby: "You know, since day one all I ever got was 'Support the head! Support the head!' I think I know how to support a damn baby head." Lynette sits there for a moment, and then you can see her downshifting into Meddle Mode: "You're Mindy's father. You have a right to spend time with her." Ed sort of shrugs and makes some sounds about how there's nothing he can do. Lynette, in full battle mode, prods him to "stand up to Fran," telling him that if he doesn't, he'll just get "more resentful," and Fran will get "nuttier." And then, as the frosting on the cake, Lynette adds, "And without a father figure, poor Mindy will grow up to be a stripper." Ed, all panicky: "A stripper?!" Lynette: "There's science to back that up." Lynette sits there, looking nervous (and not at all unlike Beaker from The Muppet Show), and clearly she's thinking maybe she's pushed it too far this time? But then Ed turns a corner, and he confidently tells Lynette to go ahead with the daycare thing, and to "count Mindy in!" He leans back in his chair and says, "I'll handle Fran," and Lynette nods and tells him he's doing the right thing -- you know, "for Little Mindy."
Justin and Andrew sit flank to flank on Andrew's bed, playing a punch-'em-up video game. Justin is looking good in a sleeveless tee (holy Toledo, nice arms!), but his hair is looking very strange, like maybe he was shooting for Wolverine in X Men, but the whole look fell short somehow and he wound up with something more along the lines of Grumpy Badger. And yet...nice arms! Justin is clearly enjoying the game, he's just cackling away, when Andrew turns and gives him a very, very come-hither look, and then he leeeeeeeeeeeans over like he's going to kiss him. Justin turns and says, "Dude! What if your mom walks in?" Andrew, his face three inches away from Justin's, tells Justin that she won't. Justin looks tempted, but tells Andrew that they should "just wait till everybody's asleep," and then he promises Andrew that he'll make it worth his while. Andrew licks his lips and then tells Justin "he better," and then Andrew settles back into playing the videogame.
They play for a few seconds, and then Andrew smiles his sideways smile and says that he actually wishes Bree would walk in on them. Justin shoots him an "are you crazy" kind of look, but Andrew says how great it would be to see the "expression on her face": "God, I hate her so much." The way he says this feels kind of stagy, and I can't quite tell if it's because the scene is (a) awkwardly written, (b) awkwardly acted, or (c) evidence that Andrew is putting on a show for Justin so that he can use him for his own nefarious purposes. Justin: "Still, though. She's your mother. Don't you sort of have to love her?" Andrew tells Justin how, when Bree found out that Andrew "liked guys," she told him that if he didn't change, he was going straight (no pun intended) to hell: "So since I knew that I couldn't change, it suddenly hit me that, one day, my own mother was going to stop loving me, so I decided to stop loving her first. That way, it wouldn't hurt so bad." Which sounds a little too self-aware...I would have believed him more if he'd just stuck to "I hate my mom," like almost every other teenager out there, and left the underlying subtext unexplored. Justin tells Andrew that, clearly, Bree didn't know what she was saying. Andrew, shrugging: "Yes, she did. So now she's got to be punished." Justin laughs a little bit, and then asks Andrew what his plan is. Andrew: "One day, she'll slip up, and I'll have something against her. And when that happens, I'm going to take her down so hard, she'll never get back up." Justin says that may take a while, because really, Bree does seem like one of the people least likely to slip up. (At least, that was true of Season 1 Bree, which is all Justin probably knows about). Andrew gives Justin a very innuendo-heavy once-over, and says, "That's okay. I don't mind waiting for the things I want." He and Justin stare at each other for a few seconds, and Justin's eyes flicker down to Andrew's lips, and my body starts to tense into its usual "first kiss" cringe, and...scene! Oh, except right before the scene ends, we see a giant getting felled by a dozen arrows on the videogame screen. Symbolic for how Bree's totally going down? Perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps. All in all, a pretty steamy scene! Seriously, my pants are now wrinkle-free.
Lynette walks out of her office and finds Ed, holding Mindy. Lynette gives Little Mindy a big smile, but then tells Ed that the daycare room isn't going to be ready until week. Ed: "If I'd waited, I might have lost my nerve. I had a window. Fran was in the shower, so I just grabbed the baby and ran." Lynette, looking aghast: "You took the baby without telling Fran?" Ed: "I refuse to be bullied by that woman. You were right! Mindy is my daughter. I wanted to spend time with her. I have that right." Just then, New Receptionist Pat interrupts to say that the lobby just called: Fran is on her way up and "seems pretty angry." Okay, so now Pat is the receptionist again? What the hell? Do they have two receptionists? That seems excessive for a company trying to trim the fat. ["Maybe they're job-sharing, to stick with the 9 to 5 theme of female empowerment in the workplace?" -- Wing Chun] But fine. FINE! Ed hands Mindy to Lynette. "Let me handle this," he says. Lynette: "Oh, I was planning too." Ha!
The elevator doors open, and out bulldozes Fran. (Though as someone on the boards pointed out, the fact that she paused to blow-dry her hair before heading over seems a little out of character...I could have totally seen her driving over in just a towel, or at least sweatpants, but she looks very well put together in a skirt, cardigan, and tank, and purse.) Fran, her voice choked with emotion, tells Ed that she "thought Mindy had been kidnapped!" Ed, all, "Dude, what?," says, "I left a sticky note." Fran yells that she wasn't looking for a sticky note, she was looking for her baby! Lynette points to Mindy, like "Here she is!," and then gives Fran an uncomfortable little wave. Ed tells Fran that Mindy is his child, too, and that she's staying with him for just a few hours a day. Fran blows right past him and goes to grab Mindy out of Lynette's arms. Lynette seems all for letting Fran take her, but Ed stops Fran, telling her that he "made a decision." Fran: "Oh yeah? Well, watch me make a decision: I'm done with this marriage. I'm taking my baby and I'm getting on a plane to Pittsburgh...You think you miss Mindy now? Wait till we're living with my mother."
As Ed and Fran keep bickering, slowly Lynette starts to back toward a conference room, Mindy still in tow. MAVO: "As Lynette saw her dreams of daycare about to board a plane to Pittsburgh, she decided this flight would have to be grounded." Lynette steps inside the conference room and locks the door behind her (which, like all the doors and walls in the place, is made of see-through glass). Fran and Ed run over, and Fran starts jiggering the door. Ed: "Good thinking, Lynette!" Lynette: "I am not on your side, Ed." Ed: "You're not?" Lynette explains that she's on Mindy's side, and that she's not going to let either parent have Mindy until they both calm down. Fran, through clenched teeth: "Lynette? I want my damn child!"
Just then, New Receptionist Pat pipes up, saying that she has Tom on line two for Lynette. Lynette: "Pat? Can you see me here, holding a baby hostage? I will call back." Pat, the reappearing disappearing receptionist with maybably six children, looks chastened, and she mouths "okay" at Lynette. Fran whips out her cell phone and threatens to call the police. Ed grabs the phone out of her hands and tells her that, clearly, Lynette isn't going to hurt the baby. Lynette, as though talking to four-year-olds, informs them that they'll get Mindy back faster if they'll both just listen. Lynette turns to Ed and tells him that stealing his baby was stupid, and Fran thanks Lynette. Lynette goes on to tell Ed that he needs to find a "better way to communicate" with his wife. And then, to Fran, Lynette says, "I know what the pressure of trying to be a super-parent does to your head. You can take a break and be a great mom. Doesn't this little sweetheart deserve a well-rested mommy?" Ed smiles at Fran encouragingly, and Fran finally admits that the pressure does, in fact, get to her. Ed grabs her hands, and tells her "it's okay to admit that." Lynette, still behind the glass, tells to go down to the lobby and talk things out over...COFFEE! Fran asks who's going to take care of Mindy, and Lynette smiles and says, "We've got daycare!" Which isn't really true -- not yet, at least. But, okay, they've got daycare!
Betty arrives at the nut-hatch, carrying some sheet music. Oh god, is she going to do her Pied Piper piano thing again? That is just...unbelievable. She spots Caleb, sitting on a couch, and then she goes over to a woman wearing a nametag and tells her that she phoned earlier? She's the one from the "Spiritual Outreach Program"? The woman greets her warmly: "Piano player, right?" she asks. Uh-oh. The woman points out the piano, and then warns Betty that the patients are "generally unresponsive," and that she hopes Betty doesn't "expect a lot of clapping." Betty tells her that when the "spiritual rewards are this great, who needs applause?" The woman returns to her paperwork, and Betty...looks at the piano. And scene!
Susan is at the grocery store, filling up her cart with groceries, when out sneaks Carol, also pushing her own cart of groceries. I'm guessing that this isn't a coincidence, that Carol probably followed Susan there, and yet Carol's cart is almost full of groceries, so I guess Carol was doing a pretty thorough job of blending in while doing her stalking. A look of grim determination crosses Carol's face, and then she pushes her cart after Susan. Susan, who's browsing for tape, finally looks up and sees Carol standing there with her cart. Susan's eyes get really big, and then she asks Carol if Mr. Prudy talked to her yet. By way of answer, Carol pelts Susan with a bag of marshmallows. Carol hisses that "he's a married man," and then she throws a box of something at Susan. Susan starts backing up, dancing and saying "wait, wait," but Carol throws another box at Susan. And spits out gnarled, unintelligible words, "something, something, SLUT something." Susan runs up to the aisle, and Carol chases after her, still pelting her with groceries. A nice crowd of transfixed shoppers stands around, watching the drama unfold. Carol: "You're screwing my husband!" Susan: "I'm not screwing him! He's my father!" Susan ducks and covers her head, but Carol lets the thing she was going to throw drop to the ground. It's a bag of beans, which splits open when it hits the linoleum, and dried beans go flying everywhere...spilt, you might say. Susan: "I'm so sorry. I thought you should know, but he didn't want to tell you." Carol, crestfallen: "I want to die." Susan goes over to comfort Carol (and really, as a fellow stalker, I can see why Susan of all people would be sympathetic to this woman), and there's a weird moment where she tells Carol not to bother with the beans -- "they have clerks for that" -- which seems like an inside joke, somehow, but I don't get it. Carol asks Susan how old she is, and Susan tells her she's thirty-eight. Carol looks like she's been punched: "We've been married thirty-nine years. It's been going on from the start." Susan tells her that she didn't want to hurt anyone; she just wanted to find her dad. Carol: "I'm glad you did, but you be careful, sweetheart. He's going to break your heart." And with that, Carol rolls away.
Bree pours herself a glass of wine, and Andrew goes into the fridge for some milk. Bree tells him that she's scheduled some time with a family therapist Andrew, Danielle, and herself. Andrew is all, "I don't think so." Bree tells him that the "pain" that he's feeling is "completely natural," but that it isn't going to go away until he deals. Andrew doesn't even dignify Bree's touch-feely mumbo-jumbo with a response; he just closes the refrigerator and heads for the living room. Bree calls after him: "I want us to heal. I want us to be a family again." Andrew tells her that what he wants is for George to walk through the door, so that Andrew can "take a knife and plunge it into his heart": "I want the pharmacist to pay for what he did to my father." Bree, in a small voice, says that the "good news is [George] is dead." Andrew: "He committed suicide. His death was on his terms. That's not justice." Bree, looking suspiciously like she's...oh god, she isn't going to actually tell him that she watched George die? Oh, but she is! Bree: "So are you saying that if he were executed that it would be easier for you to get past this?" Andrew is all, "Of course." So Bree sighs, sits down, and forks over the story: "George didn't intend to commit suicide. He was trying to manipulate me into taking him back, and he swallowed those pills hoping that I'd feel sorry for him. He just assumed that I would call an ambulance. When I got there, he was already slipping away. I tried to get him to accept responsibility for what he'd done. But he wouldn't." Andrew: "So what'd you do?" Bree: "Nothing. I just sat there and let him die. He didn't die on his own terms, Andrew. He died for what he did to your father." Andrew leans in and gives Bree a big hug, and while he's embracing her, he thanks her for telling him her secret, and then he rolls his eyes in a way that does not bode at all well for Bree. Convenient that Andrew would have a passionate opinion about how suicide doesn't equal justice, and that this request for justice would be the very key that would unlock Bree's big compromising secret, and it all would come out on the very day after he told Justin about his desire to get Bree over a barrel. Magical!
In the parking lot of the Caleb's nut-hatch, Ironside preps a needle full of some sort of fluid...
...and then, suddenly, Ironside's inside, wearing a hospital uniform and pushing a wheelchair. He finds his way to Caleb's room, but it's empty. He follows the sound of piano out to the rec room. As he spots Betty, playing mesmerizing piano (though Alfre Woodard isn't really doing the best job of faking it; she looks more like she's giving the piano a massage or something), a look of recognition passes across his face. Then he watches as Matthew, who's standing at the back of the room, takes off his coat and baseball hat and puts them on Caleb. Slowly, Matthew and Caleb stand up and walk out, passing within inches of Ironside, who turns his body at the last second. He watches them leave, and then he slowly follows them out.
CreePaul walks up the stairs to Mike's house, and before he even gets a chance to knock, Mike opens the door. Ha ha! Mike really is living in his foyer. Boy, he really has nothing better to do, does he? He needs a plot of his own, and stat. CreePaul informs him that Zana is home. Oh right, Zana! That seems like years ago. Mike asks if there's anything he can do. (How good are you with scissors, Mike? Because I think Zana could use a haircut.) CreePaul tells Mike that he can do one thing for them: he can leave them alone! Mike: "I spent a lot of time looking for [Zana]. And you know why." CreePaul says that if Mike comes near Zana, the police are going to find out what happened in "that quarry." Mike: "You do that, and we'll both go down." CreePaul: "Well, you know I'm capable of almost anything." CreePaul turns to go, but then he stops to drop this little bomb: he and Zana are moving away! CreePaul wants to give Zana a "shot at a normal life." Mike: "Now, this is where you and I don't see eye to eye. For [Zana]'s sake, I'll keep quiet. For now. But you're not taking him away. If I see a 'For Sale' sign in front of that house, I'll call the police. I'm capable of pretty much anything myself." He and CreePaul stare at each other for about seven years, and then, slowly, CreePaul walks away. Was that supposed to be menacing? Because both their threats seemed pretty anemic.
At the hospital, Gabby sits with Carlos as he waits to get his Africa immunization shots. Gabby thumbs through an Enquirer-type rag and says, "Boy, Sister Mary's done a number on you." Carlos, clearly bored, like this is maybe Hour 14 of Gabby's haranguing, sighs, "Riiiiiiight." Gabby slaps down her magazine and yells, "Yes, 'right'! She has you flying halfway across the world to help the poor. And there's perfectly good poor right here. For god's sake. Give a buck to a homeless guy!" And, again, I say: it just isn't like Gabby to be so off-the-mark with her tactics of persuasion. How about you feign some residual sadness over the miscarriage, Gab? That might do it; at the least, it would work better than continuously reminding Carlos of how shallow you are! Carlos explains to Gabby that giving a homeless man a dollar is not the same as going to Africa to help the poor. Gabby: "No, it's better, because you can do it from the comfort of your own car." Carlos: "The point is not to be comfortable, Gabby. It's about easing pain and suffering. Look, I'm trying to be a better person, here. Now, you can either help me, or you can get out of the way, but you can't stop me." They fume at each other for a second, and then the nurse calls Carlos in for his shots. He hands Gabby his paperwork, commanding her to finish it for him. Gabby scoffs, and then walks the unfinished paperwork over to the nurse's desk. The nurse points out that the allergy section is blank. Gabby: "Honey, he's going to a remote village in Africa. Does it really matter that he's allergic to eggs?" Nurse: "Actually, yes...Eggs are on the list. He could have a severe reaction to the yellow fever vaccine, and he won't be getting out of bed, let alone leaving the country." Gabby's wheels start to turn, and when the nurse goes to check the "eggs" box, Gabby stops her, explaining that Carlos is actually allergic to fish eggs: "Poor baby's gone his whole life without caviar! Now that's suffering."
Later, Gabby looks on nervously as the doctor preps Carlos's needle, and Carlos slaps his bicep and tells him to give him all he's got. And really, since some allergic reactions can actually kill a person, Gabby has a right to be nervous. Then again, the nurse didn't say anything about death; she only said that Carlos would be bedridden. And after all, Carlos did set a precedent by switching Gabby's birth-control pills. Tit-tat!
Cut to Carlos lying in bed, sweating, groaning, and sighing. "It's so hot in this village," he mutters. Ha! Gabby strokes his head and tells him that the doctor said he's having an allergic reaction (and if the doctor sent him home, I'm guessing Carlos is in no danger of dying). Carlos just says, "Hold me." Gabby, clearly hurting for him, confesses how sorry she is: "Maybe that stupid nun is right. Maybe I am trying to stop you from becoming a better person. It's just that I love you the way you are: greedy, selfish, and insensitive. I'm just afraid if you're not those things anymore, you're going to wake up one day and realize I still am. And then you won't want me." Carlos groans, "I want you. Just hold me." Gabby curls up behind him and strokes his arm, but Carlos keeps saying, "Hold me." And then he sighs and says "Sister Mary." Gabby's eyes fly open.
For the first time in, I think, ever, it's raining on Wisteria Lane. So what does Susan do? She decides it's time to paint the garage. In the rain. Meaning she's left the WHORE up for what, three days? At least? Personally, the last time someone painted a scarlet WHORE on my house, I made it Priority #1 to get it painted over. But Susan? She went shopping for tape. "Dim" might not fully describe the brightness of her bulb. Papa Prudy walks up, carrying an umbrella, and asks Susan what she's doing, painting in the rain. (Exactly!). Susan: "Well, let's see...painting in the rain, or letting the whole world think I'm a whore. I don't know, what do you think?" PP tells her he heard Susan ran into his wife, and Susan informs him that he is "hereby released of any obligation to be [her] dad." PP tells her he's not proud of his "hobbies." Susan, without looking away from her painting: "Good for you. Bye." PP: "I have done things I'm proud of. I could give you five examples right now!" Susan turns and shoots him a look, and he amends his list from five to three. You know, this inability to know when his welcome's worn is one of Susan's traits, too! Prudy tells her was a volunteer fireman, and that he also started a foundation to protect wild horses. Susan tells him to keep talking. PP: "I wasn't exactly thrilled when you walked back into my life, but now that I've met you...well, you gave me a third thing to be proud of." Aww...this scene is actually kind of touching! Susan: "That was a good one." PP: "That's why I saved it for last." He tells her that he has to do some working on his marriage, but when it's all sorted out, he wonders if maybe they can continue with the catching up? Susan tells him she'll wait for his call, which means we've probably seen the last of Papa Prudy (much as we never saw Susan's "best friend" and former book agent Wally ever again). Prudy smiles and walks away; Susan watches him go.
MAVO: "The stories are as old as time itself." MAVO: "The prodigal son who returns home to the father who forgives him." CreePaul looks on as Zana strums on a guitar. MAVO: "The jealous wife who tricks the husband who trusts her." Gabby sponges down Carlos's fevered brow. MAVO: "The desperate mother who risks everything for the child who needs her." Betty covers a sleeping Caleb with a blanket. MAVO: "And the faithless husband who hurts the wife who loves him so deeply." Papa Prudy walks past his wife, who waters the plants and generally looks broken; he looks away guiltily. MAVO: "Why do we listen again and again? Because these are the stories of family, and once we look past the fighting, pain, and the resentment, we occasionally like to remind ourselves..." Bree tends to her flowers and Andrew sits on the front stairs, reading a magazine. He looks up at Bree, and they smile at each other, and then Bree goes back to her gardening and Andrew looks at her menacingly. At work, Lynette dashes in to the daycare and takes baby Penny from the arms of a daycare-sitter (who looks suspiciously like The Nanny), and Lynette goo-goos at Penny and then takes a deep sniff of her baby's hair. "...there's absolutely nothing more important."
Coming up: Gabby kisses Tom!