By DeAnn Welker
Everyone has family trouble on Wisteria Lane, which should come as no surprise. Danielle finally brings Benjamin to visit Bree and Orson. Unfortunately, Danielle and her husband's "nutty liberal politics" irk Bree, who finds out not only that Benjamin's a vegetarian, but also that Danielle's going to home-school him. She sneaks him a hotdog (or two), and when he throws up later, Danielle's pissed. She and her family leave, and now it's Orson's turn to be mad at Bree: for ruining what might have been their only chance to have Benjamin in their lives again. Orson has somehow become the most sympathetic character this season. Gaby sells her car and buys a "piece of crap" from Andrew. He refuses to budge on the price or on fixing it or anything else, but Gaby finally gets her mojo back and at least gets him to pay for the broken radiator. She does this thanks to a talk with Susan, whom she first gets in a physical fight with (it's wacky!) because Gaby's daughter's been bullying Susan's son.
But the most important storylines involve Creepy Dave, who's manipulating everyone he comes into contact with. First there's Katherine and Mrs. McCluskey, who continue to investigate him, and even take Edie out to dinner to ask her what she really knows about her husband. They plant the seed of suspicion so that Edie puts Dave on the spot in front of everyone, asking him where he went to college. When he calls her out for it later, she blames Mrs. McCluskey for making her suspicious, and he plants the seed of Mrs. McCluskey starting to have dementia, just like his "poor grandmother." It's ominous and -- is it possible I'm concerned about the safety of Mrs. McCluskey? Naaaah.
Dave's also there to cause mischief for Tom and Lynette. Lynette wants Tom to clean their garage, which means getting rid of the equipment of all of his deferred dreams: mountain climbing, speaking German, beer brewing, and being in a band. Except that instead of getting rid of his bass, he starts a jam band in the garage with -- you guessed it: Dave! Lynette doesn't like it a bit, so she sabotages by destroying his guitar. But Dave swoops in with a replacement bass, and gives Lynette a lesson in handling her husband. It's as creepy as everything else Dave does, and especially so because Lynette listens and we close the episode with a Mary Alice voiceover that tells us Dave's the kind of bully who gets people to do things they're not even aware they're doing (and it shows Lynette presenting Tom with the guitar). I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Dave's going to cause a lot more trouble before he's through.
Previously: Jackson met Mike and MJ. Gaby's depressed because her life sucks (no money, fat kids, blind husband). Danielle took Benjamin from Bree. Creepy Dave and Mrs. McCluskey became enemies when he threatened her and then stole her cat.
Speaking of cats, we open on a cute little boy's face as Mary Alice says that Benjamin Katz was six and didn't understand a lot of things: why the woman you call "Mommy" (Bree) isn't always your mother, why the man who was always there for you (Orson) is suddenly taken away -- in handcuffs (that would be the fault of the woman you used to call "Mommy," Benjamin), or why one day you go for a ride (with Danielle) and never come back. But no one explains any of this to Benjamin, of course. Then he might turn out well-adjusted or something. And no one whose life begins on Wisteria Lane can turn out well. It's in the contract. Bree and Orson are anxiously awaiting Danielle and Benjamin's arrival. Orson tells Bree to remember to be on her best behavior. She says she doesn't require lectures on tact. He says, maybe not "require," but definitely "benefit from." Or wait, I said that. Orson just says he knows that, but they've missed Benjy so much. She says she knows what's at stake. He asks her to please keep her critical thoughts to herself, then.
Right on cue, Danielle gets out of her Prius in a horrifying outfit that can only be described as what a 65-year-old hippie might wear to visit Bollywood. Bree bites her tongue and whispers to Orson that she's starting already, and then tells Danielle her "ensemble" is "delightfully ethnic." Danielle introduces her husband, Leo, and then Orson asks Benjy if he remembers him. Benjy's not sure, and Orson's clearly dejected, but he plays tough, saying it's okay, because that's what this visit is for. Unless, of course, Bree does something to mess that up. But she'd never do that, would she? Bree and Orson tell them they've made lots of plans for Benjy, including the circus, if it's okay with his mom. He asks, "Can I go, Danielle?" Bree's upset that Benjy's not calling Danielle "Mom." She thinks it's a sign of disrespect, and she adds that she doesn't want anyone calling her Bree. Danielle snots, "Don't worry. I told him to call you 'Granny.' " Mary Alice finishes her intro: Benjamin Katz was only six, but even he could understand this would be a long weekend. Not your strongest opening monologue, Mary Alice. And credits.
Katherine's planting marigolds in a pot when Mrs. McCluskey asks what she dug up on "Mr. X." Katherine says it's hard because when she searches for "Dave Williams," she gets a million hits. She needs more information: Where was he born? Where did he go to school? Did he serve time in the military? Mrs. McCluskey says if he served time it was in the state pen (she's probably closer than Katherine's shocked look gives her credit for). Just then Creepy Dave rides by on his bicycle in shorts, a polo shirt, and a backwards golf cap (he's sure dressing the part of Wisteria Lane, isn't he?). Katherine calls out and thanks him for fixing her sprinkler system, which she'd never been able to fix. He understands completely, because to program one of those, you'd need an engineering degree. Mrs. McCluskey pipes up, "Oh, yeah? You got one of those?" Katherine just thanks him again and waves him off. She then tells Mrs. McCluskey she can't go through with this because he seems so nice. Mrs. McCluskey says that doesn't comfort her given Katherine's record with men. Mrs. McCluskey says she can feel it in her bones, and can't live with the thought of Edie waking up every day to him. Katherine's in, but she says no one better find out they're doing this. Mrs. McCluskey says no one will know, but she knows he's up to something.
Dave ends his bike ride at Tom and Lynette's, where Tom's out front cleaning out the garage. They make small talk about Creepy Dave's big, new flat screen (Tom has TV envy). Creepy Dave invites Tom over the "playoffs." Tom can't because he has to clean the garage. Creepy Dave says that's no problem because the game starts in a couple hours. Lynette comes out then and calls Tom out for having unopened mountain climbing equipment from the '80s in his "stuff I need" pile, emasculating him in front of Creepy Dave by saying he gets winded climbing out of the tub, so won't ever climb a mountain. She adds that he'll never learn German, make his own beer, or have eight-minute abs -- as she pulls the equipment for all of these things out of his "need" pile. She tells him to toss the Abtastic and everything else, until their two-car garage can hold at least one car. She goes inside, and Creepy Dave tells Tom he cannot get rid of his bass. Tom's sure he will, because being in a band is just another thing that he'll never do. He tells Creepy Dave that he misses Mike, because they used to get together and jam. Creepy Dave plays the drums and would love to jam with Tom sometime -- maybe even later today. Tom asks him to give him a couple hours so he can stash some old Playboys. A couple hours? I'm thinking "stash" might be a euphemism, then. Also, what about the playoffs, which are also in a couple hours? Are we to believe Creepy Dave just wanted a reason to hang out with Tom, and really wasn't interested in the game at all? Anyway, Creepy Dave bikes away, and gives an ominously cheerful wave to Mrs. McCluskey, who doesn't even pretend to hide her disgust and suspicion.
Scavo's Pizzeria: Katherine and Mrs. McCluskey are waiting for Edie. Katherine tells her not to grill her or she'll get suspicious. Mrs. McCluskey promises to follow Katherine's lead. Edie walks in and apologizes for being late, saying what a great idea this was. Mrs. M: "Yeah, it's fun. Where was Dave born?" Edie's confused, and Katherine spits her wine back into her glass, and tries to cover it up by saying they were just wondering where he got his great manners, because he has the bearing of a Southern gentleman. Edie says he's from somewhere in Midwest, and Mrs. McCluskey can't believe she wouldn't know where her husband grew up. Edie says he showed her a picture with a cow in it once and she lost interest. Edie might be the perfect wife for Creepy Dave because she's so self-absorbed that she'll never care to find out what's really up with him and all of his creepiness. Katherine talks to the waitress, and then tells the ladies said waitress is saving money for college, a handy plot device to lead Mrs. M to her unsubtle grilling of Edie: "Speaking of which, where did Dave go to college?" Edie doesn't know, so Mrs. M asks about high school. Edie asks why she's asking her so many questions, and Mrs. M says it's just odd to marry someone you know nothing about. Katherine tries to smooth things over by saying, "Other than the fact that he's a lovely man," but I think this actually makes Edie think Katherine might have a crush. Edie doesn't want to talk about this anymore, so she's going to the ladies room. Mrs. M blames Katherine for this plan not working.
Andrew's selling his crappy old car to Gaby. He's sad to sell it, but with his new sports car coming, he has no need. Carlos asks Gaby how it looks, and she tells him to be glad he's blind. Andrew asks if they have a sale, but Gaby's not so sure. She tries to play like the rich couple who bought her car: "We like it, but we don't love it." Andrew's like, duh! No one loves this car. They buy it for the price. Speaking of price, she asks him to drop it because of all of the dents. He says there's much more wrong with it than that: missing three hubcaps and a hanger for an antenna. "Full disclosure: Piece of crap. You want it or not?" She says that since she's dear friends with his mom, if he knocks off $300, she'll take it. He says that since she's dear friends with his mom, he'll resist the urge to flip her off. Gaby gets tough and says they're walking if he doesn't lower the price. He calls her bluff, and she tries to walk away, but ends up turning back and asking for $200 off. Then $100. Then all she asks for is for him to wash it, and he says he'll empty the ashtray. Nice negotiating, Gaby.
Orson's playing checkers with Benjy, and Benjy's winning. Orson's being very cute with him, all "Curse you and your diabolical checkers prowess," which gets big smiles from Benjy. Bree comes in and ruins it, as usual, asking Orson not to overexcite him on the upholstery. She then asks Danielle what she'd like as a side dish for her welcome-home party, to go with the beef tenderloin. Danielle informs her that none of them -- not even Benjamin -- eats meat; they're vegetarians. They have been ever since Danielle "realized that meat was a by-product of murder." Bree wonders if Danielle would be okay with it if Bree bought suicidal meat products. Orson tries to stop Bree, saying it's no big deal; he'll just make risotto. Bree says it's not about dinner; it's about Danielle's "nutty liberal politics" getting in the way of Benjamin's nutrition. Danielle says he gets all of his protein from beans and cheese and tofu. Bree says there are other things at stake here: Does Danielle want him to be teased at school when he pulls tofu out of his lunch box? Leo says that's not an issue because Danielle's home-schooling him. Bree's not pleased that Danielle's straight-C average is supposed to substitute for a proper school. Danielle points out he's reading way ahead for his age (he's six) -- at the third-grade level. Bree asks what happens year when he overtakes Danielle. Orson reminds Bree: "Best behavior." But Bree being Bree cannot just sit by while Danielle makes parenting decisions, or, as Bree puts it, "while she degrades his body and his mind." Orson sighs. Danielle says she doesn't care what Bree says, because Danielle's his mother and Bree has no say in how he's raised anymore. As she walks out of the room she tells Bree to mark her calendar for Benjamin's bar mitzvah in seven years. Bree's at her wit's end. She looks at Benjy, who gives her the cutest little shrug of his shoulders, like, "What's a kid to do?"
Lynette walks in on Tom and Creepy Dave's jam session. Tom's very excited, telling Lynette that in addition to him on bass and Creepy Dave on drums, Mike plays guitar and he thinks Orson plays keyboards. "Do you see where I'm going with this?" Lynette says she does, but is hoping she's wrong. Tom says they're going to start a garage band. Lynette, "...And I wasn't." Tom says they could even get some gigs if they're good enough. Creepy Dave says all they need is practice time: a few nights a week and some weekends. Lynette reminds Tom of his current gigs: running a restaurant, being a husband and a father. She thought he wanted to spend more time with his family. Tom can muster no response other than, "But we could play clubs." Creepy Dave jumps in, saying guys need to blow off steam. Lynette asks Creepy Dave to stay out of it, then tells Tom he knows she's right because he's far too busy. She starts to walk off, but he stops her and says she can't tell him what to do and he will play bass if he wants to. He's not hurting anyone. She stoops to a new low, saying that those with hearing would beg to differ. He asks her to please leave their rehearsal space. She tries to argue, but he and Creepy Dave play over her and she turns and leaves. I know I said last week that I love Tom and Lynette's relationship and I still do. I think it's the most realistic of any couple on the show, by a landslide. That said, I don't like that she argues with him publicly like this, making him look like a fool in front of his friends. On the other hand, it's Creepy Dave, who I would not call a "friend" of Tom's or anyone's, so I also want Lynette to stand up to Creepy Dave's bad influence. Anyway, I still love them, and the fact that they have these real-life issues and arguments is probably part of that.
Gaby's driving the new car, with the girls fighting in the back. Gaby asks them to knock it off, and then her car starts rattling and comes to a stop. Some jerk goes speeding by her, honking. Can I take a moment to talk about how much I HATE drivers who do that? I really hate people who drive by someone who is breaking down or in an accident and honk or flip them off, as if this other person's misfortune is an inconvenience to them. Which, maybe it is, but shut the hell up. The person who is broken down or in an accident did not choose for that to happen and is feeling way more inconvenienced and stressed than you. People who do this really should be sent to live on the same island with people who talk (or otherwise make noise) at the theater, and people who have LOUD cell phone conversations in crowded public places. These are all people who think about no one but themselves. Anyway, smoke is coming out of Gaby's hood. So she goes to see Andrew. She says he sold her a lemon. A mechanic told her the radiator's shot. He tells her he's had trouble with it for years, and she should use the jug in the trunk to fill it up with water when it's hot. Oh, and try to avoid hills and stay in the shade as much as possible. Gaby tells him she can't drive around avoiding gravity and the sun. He says she should buy a new car if she wants one without flaws. Gaby would rather take what's behind Door Number 3: Get the radiator fixed. But it's $300 and he's paying for it. He insists he's not because he already told her it was a piece of crap. She says she wants to talk to his mother, and he says Bree's in a meeting but he'll let her know, adding, "May I ask what it's regarding?"
Mike's finished helping out MJ and tells him to go outside and play. Mike tells Susan that MJ won't tell him who's picking on him, but he wanted Mike to teach him how to fight. Susan doesn't want him fighting because he's only five. Mike tells her every boy has to learn how to throw a punch eventually. Jackson interrupts and says they should teach MJ capoeira. Mike, always the guy's guy: "Capo-what?" Jackson explains that it's a Brazilian martial art that incorporates dance, and Mike is so not having his son learning to dance-fight. Jackson demonstrates how you catch your opponent off guard, and Susan's men end up play-fighting. Susan notices Juanita Solis picking on MJ outside. She gets up and asks him if that's who's been picking on him. He admits it, and she's like, "Don't you worry, because your dad's going to teach you to fight." So, she finds out it's a girl and all of a sudden she's all about MJ learning to fight? That's... odd. Mike agrees with me, and tells Susan he's not really comfortable teaching MJ how to fight a girl. Susan says Juanita's not just any girl, because "she could take down a small deer." And I have to say that I'm not sure being fat is the same thing as being tough, but whatever, show. Mike says if it wears a skirt it's off limits. Susan says feminism means that it's okay for a big, mean girl to get her butt kicked. I would just like to point out that that is not what feminism means. Susan asks Jackson to teach MJ the Brazilian kung-fu cha-cha, but Jackson's with Mike: "You can't hit girls." Susan's appalled, and calls them wusses. She's going to handle this one herself. Mike and Jackson continue to flirt and fight after Susan leaves. Can anyone say HoYay?
Susan does what she should have done immediately, and approaches Gaby about the problem between their kids. I mean, I'm not a parent or anything, but if you have a kid and your friend has a kid and they have a fight, don't you talk to the other parent instead of trying to teach your kid to do the Brazilian kung-fu cha-cha? Anyway, Susan says she just saw Juanita push MJ down and that it's not the first time; she's been bullying him. Gaby says she's sorry and she'll talk to Juanita. And then adds that Susan shouldn't worry, because no one will hear that her son is getting beaten up by a little girl from her. Susan says, "Well. A girl." Gaby asks if Susan's suggesting that Juanita's fat for her age, and Susan says, "Gaby, Juanita's fat for your age." Gaby says it doesn't matter, because MJ could get beaten up by a kitten. Susan asks Gaby to teach her daughter not to fight, and Gaby says Susan should teach her son to grow a pair. Susan walks off in a huff.
Meanwhile, Bree and Benjy are at the park. She's showing him pictures of his mom when she was his age. It just happens to be a picture of little Danielle eating a hot dog, so Benjy asks what it is and Bree tells him. When he's shocked his mom would do that, Bree gives him a long lie about how hot dogs help you grow up to be big and strong, but then when you're an adult you don't need them. He wonders why his mom doesn't want him big and strong, and Bree says maybe she's afraid he'll move away from home and play for the Red Sox. He wants to be big and play baseball, though, so the obvious happens: He eats a hot dog (that Bree had stashed somewhere on her person without him noticing it during the scene), and promises not to tell Danielle. Oh, and because he's a kid and it's a hot dog, he loves it. He says, "It's like tofu, only better."
Tom and Creepy Dave play "Smoke on the Water. Mary Alice says that Lynette tries to tell herself it's a phase, but after three hours (that's right; only three hours in and it's too much for our queen of patience, Lynette), she realizes it won't pass quickly enough, so she decides to take action. Penny (she exists in the future!) knocks over her dad's guitar in the garage, and Lynette tells her to be careful or she'll break it, then Lynette has an epiphany. She leaves the guitar and one of Penny's dolls right where Tom parks in the garage, and sure enough, he drives right over it as he's parking. Side note: We have seen band practice and then the incident with Penny knocking the guitar over and now we know he parks in there, so you'd think Lynette would find some pleasure in the fact that Tom got the garage cleaned out enough to have both a band practice area and to park his car, but she's clearly never satisfied. Anyway, she hears him run over the guitar and scream, then runs out there and asks if everything's all right. She feigns ignorance, and lets Penny take the fall. She does ask him not to be mean to Penny, but then lets him go yell at her. What a great mother. And wife.
MJ runs downstairs and Susan makes sure he has his whistle, which he is supposed to blow if Juanita comes around, and Susan will be right there to protect him. She then goes to dye her hair (remember the grey?), but right after she gets started, she hears the whistle blowing. She goes outside to find MJ on the ground asking for his whistle back, while Juanita stands over him blowing on it. Susan tells Juanita she's in "big trouble." Juanita asks what's on Susan's head, but Susan's not about to bond with the bully over her grey hairs. Instead she asks what happened, and Juanita tells her that MJ wouldn't let her blow his whistle. Susan asks if pushing him down was really a nice response to that, and how she would feel if someone did that to her. Juanita says she wouldn't care, and even if it hurt she wouldn't cry because she's not a crybaby like MJ. She says this in the most snotty little girl voice ever, and it sort of makes me start to hate her. Especially because MJ is so cute and quiet. The snotty voice and face were too much for Susan, too, so she pushes Juanita down. Juanita looks stunned, and Susan immediately feels bad, apologizes, and helps her up. She tells her she just wanted her to see how it felt. Gaby comes storming up and tells Susan she saw what just happened and tells the kids to get inside. Susan says it's not what it looked like, and Gaby's like, "Really? It looked like you body-slammed my daughter." Susan says it was just a tap, but Juanita was milking it. Gaby can't believe this defense, and Susan says she was trying to teach her not to be a bully, which she should have learned from her mother. Gaby says she's sorry, but she was busy explaining why MJ doesn't wear a dress like all the other girls. Susan says the conversation is over, and to tell Bob and Lee (where are they, I wonder?) that she'll pay for the dent in their lawn. Gaby shoves her as she walks away. Susan says she's taking the high road and walking away. Gaby tells Susan she can dye her hair all she wants but the grey will keep coming. Susan's had enough and attacks Gaby. They're rolling around in the grass when Edie drives by and scoffs, "And they call me white trash?"
Creepy Dave shows up at Lynette's. He tells her he heard about the accident and bought Tom a new bass. Lynette says they can't accept it. Creepy Dave says it's a selfish gift because he was having too much fun to give it up. Lynette tells him she's sorry, but maybe he should try skateboarding with Orson. They really are making her out to be the death of fun this episode, aren't they? And right after she was all cool on Silverfizz, just like all the other kids (only in a mom-flirting-with-son way), last week. Creepy Dave says that Tom actually needs this. Lynette asks how he thinks he knows her husband better than she does. He talks about how she made him get rid of all of his things, and she obliviously says, "You mean his junk?" Yeah, I hate to side with Creepy Dave, but you're helping him make his point here, Lynette. Creepy Dave asks if Lynette knows what a midlife crisis is? She says her husband has a red convertible so, yeah, she gets it. But Creepy Dave tells her how it happens: A guy gets a certain age and realizes he'll really die someday and he's everything he'll ever be. He's never going to be rich, or climb a mountain. He tells her some guys do bad things with those thoughts, and that playing in a garage band is pretty harmless. Lynette asks if Creepy Dave plans to save her marriage by giving Tom a bass. He says he's not going to; she is. And then he gives her the bass with a creepy pat on her shoulder. And he leaves. Lynette, for the first time in possibly ever is speechless.
Danielle's welcome-home party at Bree's. The strange guest list includes all of Bree's family, plus Katherine (business partner, so it sort of makes sense), Mrs. McCluskey (what?), and Edie and Creepy Dave (why?). But no one else. It seems like it should have either been all family, or all of Bree's lady friends from Wisteria Lane, but I guess the show only had so much time and it needed to get Katherine and Mrs. M in the same place as Edie and Creepy Dave. So this was as good as anything. Danielle and Leo are talking about how he got his job working for the EPA, and Katherine uses this as a reason to ask where he studied law (Cornell). Katherine's jealous, because she wished she'd gone to a school like that, but it wasn't in the cards for her. She asks Creepy Dave what about him. He says it wasn't in the cards for him either. Mrs. M asks him where he did go. He says he'd be embarrassed to say after Leo's tales of Cornell. He tries to move on, but Edie interrupts him to ask him to please answer Mrs. M's question. He says Mrs. M was just making conversation and she's like, "Well, then, tell me. After all, I'm your wife. Shouldn't I know?" He tells a sad tale of not having gone to college. How humiliating. No one who's ever amounted to anything took a job right out of high school to help their families, right? Oh, wait, that's not true at all. There is nothing wrong with going straight to work, but Creepy Dave compares this embarrassment to his childhood stuttering and his dad's drinking problems. I think it serves its purpose, though, in making Edie afraid to ever ask him anything again. Man, Creepy Dave is good at what he does. If only we knew what that was, exactly.
Susan shows up at Gaby's to apologize. Gaby's like, "You attacked my child and then me. Why should I even listen to you?" Susan brought alcohol, though, so Gaby invites her right in. And, before you know it, they're bonding over their parenting issues. Susan basically says she's tried to keep MJ from having toy guns but he turns everything into a gun, and he has figured out she knows nothing about boys so he goes straight to Mike when there's a problem. Gaby points out that's not a bad thing, since Mike's a great dad. But Susan says it will be bad if MJ needs Mike and Mike's not there. Gaby says it's not Susan's fault, but Susan says splitting up is at least half her fault. Gaby says Carlos is a hands-on, full-time dad and she still feels like she's not preparing the girls enough for how hard life is. She admits that her first response to finding out Juanita was a big, fat bully was relief that maybe Juanita wouldn't be a victim. Susan can't imagine Gaby's kids being victims, since Gaby's so strong. But Gaby once again talks about her crappy life, and says she's been beaten down. But Susan says she couldn't beat her today. Gaby says that doesn't count, because she was mad. And Susan tells her to get mad more often. Susan likes this bonding, and suggests they rumble more often. They toast each other as good moms, and then one of Gaby's girls hollers that they're hungry from the other room. Gaby responds, "So? There's waffles in the freezer. And get Mommy some ice!" It's an awesome way to end this scene, because it was getting a little precious for my taste.
Bree's toasting having all of her family (and Katherine, Mrs. McCluskey, Edie, and Creepy Dave, apparently) under one roof. Everyone toasts, and then Benjamin says he's not feeling well. Bree jumps up, saying she'll take him to the "powder room" (only Bree would say "powder room" to a six-year-old), but they don't make it. He throws up right in the dining room. Bree tries to get Danielle to take Benjamin out of the room quickly, but she sees the meat in the vomit before she's ushered out. Thankfully we don't have to see the vomit; we get to use our imaginations, but that's pretty easy to do, what with Danielle talking about it and others waving their noses as if the smell is less than pleasant. Bree tries to pretend it's not meat, so Danielle has to get Benjamin to tell her what he ate. He says he wasn't supposed to tell, and Danielle's had enough. Bree says he liked the hot dog so much he asked for another, but she can now see the second one was a mistake. Danielle says they're leaving, apologizing to Orson that Bree's made it impossible for them to stay. Katherine and Mrs. M think it's still okay to drink though, even if they can't eat the mushroom risotto, an unfortunate coincidence in light of the vomit on the floor.
Orson's doing dishes when Bree comes in and tells him Danielle and her family are leaving in the morning. Orson's not speaking to her, and she says he shouldn't be mad at her because Danielle is just mad now, but it will be better time. Orson asks if she honestly believes there will be a time, since it took them three years to get them to come this time. But it took Bree only one day to ruin it. She apologizes, but can't stand to watch Danielle making mistakes. He says what's hard for him is that Benjamin, who called him "Daddy" when he left for prison, was gone when he returned. Bree doesn't understand how Orson can blame her for this, but he says she didn't fight hard enough to keep Benjy. She points out that Danielle is his mother. Which is true. The point is really that Bree needs to realize she's the grandma and therefore cannot control Benjy's life. If she could be a grandma, they wouldn't have these problems, but she's trying to mother both Danielle and Benjy. And, as much as Danielle is a brat, she is an adult with a child now, and Bree needs to respect that. But Orson doesn't agree with that; he seems to be more upset that Bree let Benjy go in the first place. But, yeah, Orson, she had no choice. Legally or otherwise.
Creepy Dave and Edie are at home. He says she blindsided him, and she apologizes. He wonders why she kept pressing when he was clearly uncomfortable, and Edie blames Mrs. McCluskey. When she says this, Creepy Dave gets even creepier and asks how so. She tells him that Mrs. M kept asking about his background, and that she wishes Mrs. M wouldn't have gotten to her. He says it's okay and he understands. Then he begins his plot to undermine Mrs. M, by saying it's really sad, actually, because her behavior is just like his grandmother's when she first started to develop dementia. He says his poor grandmother got paranoid, thought people were breaking into her house and stealing her things. He says they had to put her in a home, and he just hopes that doesn't happen to Karen. Cree-Pee.
Gaby pulls up to Andrew, who's polishing his shiny red car. She says she wants her $300, but he's still not going to budge. I don't get this, since he clearly can afford a fancy car: Why not give her the money and be done with it? But instead he lectures her and says she should consider it a valuable lesson: "Buyer beware." She has a lesson for him, too. She gets in her car and drives quickly right up to the back of his shiny new car, braking just before she hits it. She wants the money or she'll hit it this time. He thinks she's lying, but Gaby says she's tired of being the victim. She backs up, and he says if she hits it she's paying for it. She says that since her insurance lapsed, she hopes he has good coverage. Andrew finally realized she means it, and says he'll get his checkbook. Gaby says she'd prefer cash. I understand that these people are supposed family friends, so maybe that's why they're not willing to take the legal route here, but it seems like both Andrew and Gaby crossed some legal lines here that the other one could have reported instead of both acting like babies. But then, that wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining for viewers. (Not that this storyline was at all entertaining.)
Mary Alice brings us back to the bullies monologue, but now she's talking about the adults on Wisteria Lane. Andrew bullying Gaby, and Gaby finally standing up to him. Mrs. M bullying Edie by planting seeds of suspicion in her head. Danielle bullying Bree by leaving because of Bree's choices. (What? How is Danielle being a bully here? Stubborn maybe, but I don't get how that's bullying. If anyone's a bully here -- and I'm not sure anyone is -- it's Bree. Maybe that's what Mary Alice meant? I'm obviously confused by Mary Alice's monologues of platitudes and confusion.) And now Gaby's the bully, and Andrew's the victim. Mary Alice finishes strong and mysterious, with a close-up of Creepy Dave as she says the worst bullies are those who take advantage of you without you ever knowing what they've done. He drives by Lynette and Tom's and sees Lynette giving Tom the bass. On the front porch. Which, why, Lynette? Why didn't you just give it to him in the house so Creepy Dave couldn't bike by with his smug smile? This is the kind of gift you don't walk out onto the front porch to present, I think. I'm sure they're probably going for something along the lines of she greeted him when he arrived home from work, but still, it's weird.
Okay, here's my theory, and it's not much of anything really: Creepy Dave's band practices several nights a week and on weekends are going to play a big role in whatever it is he's planning to do. They'll either provide an alibi or help him accomplish whatever it is he's up to. Maybe it involves Lynette and Tom? Whatever it is, it's obviously crucial, and will be pivotal in this season's mystery.
week: Susan screams. Lynette's drunk. Orson's a partner. Gaby wants blind sex. And there's something that the announcer guy promises no one will see coming.
Get the lowdown on the most desperate moments that the stars had before they landed on Wisteria lane.