Previously, on Dawson's Creek: Jen and Dawson…well, you know. And then people found out. And then Dawson told Joey that it's really, really painful to be around her because his dad died and she knows nothing about the pain of losing a parent.
Potter B&B. Joey's curled up on the sofa, watching daytime television and looking sulky. Bessie -- hey, y'all! Bessie! I love Bessie. And her hair is all straight and sassy-looking, and I really like her striped sweater! Bessie! -- comes inside with the mail. Joey looks up from her moping. "Is that the mail?" she asks. "No, Joey, your grades haven't come yet," Bessie says, tossing the bills and letters onto the coffee table. Joey very unbelievably asserts that "grades are the furthest thing from [her] mind." Bessie sort of rolls her eyes. She "know[s] it's driving [Joey] crazy." Joey brats that something else is driving her crazy. "Want to talk about it?" Bessie asks. "Bess. Stop bugging me," Joey tells her sister rather unpleasantly. "I was talking about Dawson and Jen," Bessie explains, sitting down on the coffee table. Joey rolls her eyes and sarcastically thanks her sister for reminding her and then rudely tries to grab the remote out from under Bessie's ass, snitting that she's trying to enjoy her vacation. "You should enjoy your vacation!" Bessie tells her, sitting on the arm of the couch. "Go do something fun." Joey very, very irritably says that just because she's "not in Daytona participating in a wet t-shirt contest, doesn't mean [she isn't] having fun." Bessie's all, um, not, and asks Joey when she last actually did "something wild." Joey half-heartedly offers that she's "wild quite frequently." Bessie's all, no, seriously, NOT, and wonders if there isn't someone someone Joey can call and/or socialize with elsewhere. "Maybe I'll call Dawson and Jen," Joey snaps. "Oh, maybe not." Dude, Joey. I can understand being nervous about your grades because, yeah, I was pretty anal about that in college. I used to call in for my grades (because at my school we had an automated phone system that would tell you your grades -- this was before wide-spread Internet use, because I'm a thousand years old -- and it was a bit nerve-racking at times because the voice pronounced "B" and "D" in almost the same way) like five times a day every day until I got them all. Because I was a big old dork like that. I mean, at the time I was planning to get my Ph.D., and dude, you have to have really, really, really good grades to get into a decent Ph.D. program in English, and -- where was I? Joey? Hi there. Yeah, the anality over your grades is one thing, but must you be so endlessly crabby? How is any of this Bessie's fault? Also, why aren't you sleeping all day long and then wandering around the house in the middle of the night eating cold chicken straight out of the fridge and complaining sotto voce over the phone to your new college friends about how your parents keep asking you where you're going all the time?
Anyway, Bessie doesn't even get a chance to tell Joey to cheer the hell up, because there's a light knock on the door and Pacey walks in. "I love this place. Potter B&B. Seems like just yesterday I was dancing in the kitchen with [something unintelligible]," he muses. "Aren't you supposed to be dancing in the kitchen with [Chef Danny]?" Joey asks. Okay, I'm so not even going to touch that comment. I mean, you know where I'd go with that, right? Y'all can fill in the blanks there. Pacey explains that he came into Capeside to pick something up. I'm thinking that "something" might be the clap, because he's grinning like he just got laid. "How's vacation going?" he asks. "Behold the human vegetable," Bessie mutters. Joey smiles tightly and says that she's actually having a great vacation, reading and relaxing. Pacey tells her that he just dropped by to see if he could give her a lift back to Boston, but if she's having such a good time…Joey leaps off the sofa, grabs her (already packed and waiting) bag, and basically shoves him out the door, telling Bessie to give The Incredible Invisible Alexander a big kiss and running out the door with her ex-boyfriend. Bessie just looks amused as we go to credits.
Dawson and Jen are in the car. He's driving and she's reading him The Pander College Of Contrivance course catalog, and the fake courses she's reading him are so stupid I'm not even going to transcribe them. Seriously, they're all like "Tight Pants and Bad Hair: The Iconography of Steve Sanders." "You really want me to enroll in this local college, don't you?" Dawson asks. Jen insists that she thinks he'd get a lot out of it. Dawson sort of rolls his eyes and changes the subject, saying that this is the first time he's ever brought a girl home. Well, duh. This is the first time you've ever lived away from home. Also, didn't he sort of bring Gretchen home? I mean, I know she lived in town and they weren't doing it or anything, but…oh, whatever. Jen blushes and says this is the first time she's even been brought home. "Usually, I get brought to a hotel." Because she's a bad girl! A bad, bad girl with a naughty, naughty past. Who had sex too young! And who barely escaped New York without a big old scarlet "A" on her chest. God! Jen! We get it! Dawson smarms that they've already been to a hotel, but if she wants to stop by another one, she should just say the word. "Why, Dawson Leery, I am shocked at your presumptuousness," Jen says in a high, slightly British-sounding voice that I think is supposed to be Grams. Dawson shakes his head. "You know, you might not want to do Grams while you've got your hand on my thigh," he says. "It's just a little…" He trails off. "Sorry," Jen chuckles.
A red Mustang speeds past Dawson and Jen as they enter Capeside. Inside it is Pacey and Joey. Since when does Pacey drive a 'stang (to quote Brandon Walsh)? Joey's yammering about Dawson and Jen, all talking about how it "makes sense" that Dawson would "end up" with Jen, because Jen is "spontaneous" and "guys always wind up with the wild girl." If that was true, I would never get a date. Yes, sadly, I am rather staid. "I could see it in his face when she got out of the taxi!" Joey sputters. Pacey just keeps steering, and mildly advises Joey that it might be in her best interest to "get past this." Joey rolls her eyes. "I'm past it," she lies. She barely even thinks about them, she says. "They just happen to be on your mind right now," Pacey supplies. "Actually, I'm wondering whether or not this car is yours," Joey says. Pacey grins. "It is indeed," he says. Joey wrinkles her nose and wonders where he got it. But Pacey has something "more interesting" to talk to her about, he says. There's a waitress position open at Liberty Hell. I presume this is the position recently vacated by She Who Shall Not Be Recapped, to which I say, welcome, Continuity. I've heard so much about you, it's really a pleasure to -- hey, wait, where are you going? Shit. Joey's like, you have got to be kidding me. And Pacey's like, but with your qualifications as a server of food and beverage….Joey's all, like Non-Liz Non-Claiborne would give me a reference! Pacey gives up on convincing Joey to work with him and changes the subject, asking if she's checked her grades yet. Joey quickly sputters that she hasn't, and, further, she totally doesn't even care. "So, you're freaking out," Pacey translates. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Pace, but I've changed," Joey insists. Pacey is all, whatever. "I took my tests, I did my best. There's nothing more I can do, so I'm moving on," Joey explains. Pacey doesn't buy it. "There's a fundamental difference between saying you're going to change and actually doing it," he points out. Joey gives him a "you know me all too well" look and Pacey grins at her, and they keep speeding down the highway.
Dawson and Jen finally arrive at Casa Leery, where Gale greets them with slightly less enthusiasm than she would a swarm of locusts. She was getting worried about them, she says. Dawson and Jen blush and look at their feet and sputter, and then Dawson says that they stopped for a little while "to rest. And get some gas." Jen looks at his legs. "And then we rested," she adds. Gale looks disgusted. Wait, that's me. Gale just looks slightly skeeved. Awkward pause. Awkward pause. And then Jen and Dawson start scampering into the house to eat all of his bereaved mother's food, and Gale stops her son and informs him that his shirt is on inside out. "Let's eat" is his response. Dude, I can't tell you the number of times I've walked around with my shirt on inside out, but it only resulted from my having gotten dressed in the dark, not from nookie. Of course, the one time my mother caught me with my shirt inside out was when I got home from playing strip poker at my friend Jennifer's house, but that was so not the norm. I told you, I'm staid.
Pacey walks Joey to her room at The Largest, Fanciest Dorm In The Whole Wide World. She's chattering that she's looking forward to having the room to herself for a while. And then she opens the door and reveals, of course, Audrey, who's lolling on the bed in her undies and huge white fur boots, reading a magazine. I had a friend who had a pair of boots like those, and they're very fun and kitschy and all, but one day she was wearing them and walking across campus and she runs into this really hot guy that she's really into and they're all talking, and they're flirting and chatting and laughing and then he gets this really strange look on his face, and she feels something weird on her leg and she looks down and a stray dog? Is humping her boot. So. Word to the wise, and all that. Audrey squeals when she sees her roommate and leaps off the bed, and the girls start chatting, while Pacey gives Joey's room an approving once-over. Audrey's so glad to see them, blah blah blah. "I thought you were with your parents in Telluride," Joey says, tossing her bag on the bed. Audrey makes a face and quickly explains that they had "this big fight about money," and also, she got fired from her campus job as a tour guide for flirting too much, yada yada yada, she's back to school early and she might have to get a job. And also, she's starving. Pacey and Joey exchange a look. "What?" Audrey asks.
Liberty Hell, where Audrey enthuses that she's perfect for this job, because she'll basically get to have dinner with fun new people every night! "The job is to bring them dinner, not date them." Pacey points out. Audrey chortles that she knows that, and proceeds to drop the menus in her hand all over the floor. Josh Jackson makes a hilarious faux-disgusted face as Audrey straightens up and blathers about how much she loves the décor, and the copy on the menu, and the food on the menu, and I love Audrey, but Jesus Christ, woman, don't you ever stop talking to, you know, breathe? "What the hell is foie gras?" she finishes, finally. Pacey explains that it's goose liver -- basically, pure fat -- and tells her it "would blow [her] mind." I find it hard to believe that a rich kid from Los Angeles has never had foie gras, but whatever. "Tell me, does this sort of thing usually work with the ladies?" Audrey asks, tossing her hair. Pacey plays dumb. Over in the corner, an eavesdropping Chef Danny chuckles to himself and fries some stuff. ""The 'If I'm This Passionate About The Sensual Art Of Cooking Imagine How Good I Am In Bed' Thing?" Pacey grins. "Mmm-hmmms," he hums. Audrey gives him a pert look. "Imagine how good you'd do if you actually trimmed your nails," she says. Pacey chuckles that he's too busy for personal hygiene. In the corner, Chef Danny shakes his head at Audrey's charming, saucy insouciance. Because he likes sassy waitresses, remember? Oh, come on, like you don't suspect that that's where this is going. "Witter?" Chef Danny calls, strolling over to them. "Witter, is this your girlfriend?" Pacey explains that she so is not, and tells Danny that Audrey is interviewing for the waitressing position. "You're hired," Chef Danny says, and smiles to himself as both Audrey and Pacey shout a chorus of thrilled/shocked "what!"s. "Any woman who can put Witter in his place like that is the kind of woman I want working for me," Chef Danny explains. I got hired once on the same principle, actually. I was at this funky retro furniture store with my friend Joe, and he said something snide to me, and I said something extremely snide in return, and the boss just offered me a job, right there on the spot! Because I was so sassy! It happens, people. Well, it only happened that once. But I have to hold onto something in this, my old age. Chef Danny strolls off to "get [her] paperwork," and instructs Pacey to make sure she tastes the foie gras. Pacey just shakes his head and walks away. "I love that guy!" Audrey says to no one in particular.
Casa Leery, Land Of Awkward Pauses And Boring, Boring Chit-Chat. It's all blah blah blah school, blah blah blah Lily, blah blah blah where's the baby gate, you horrible mother? Jen asks about the people who bought her old house, and Gale explains that the buyers use it only as a summer place. This news makes Jen sad. The fact that Jen's storylines have been reduced to her looking sad about sheet-covered furniture makes me sad. The phone rings, and Gale leaps to answer it, leaving Dawson and Jen to look awkward on the sofa all by themselves. In the kitchen, Gale yells into the phone at the plumber; something wasn't fixed at the IHOF or something. Come on, do you really care about the problems with Gale and the Fishcakes? Me either. Dawson can't stand watching his mother talk to blue-collar workers, so he leaps off the sofa, rips the phone out of her hand, and starts yelling at the poor plumber. Then he kisses Jen and runs off to the IHOF to holler at the plumbers in person. Gale and Jen smile awkwardly at the carpet. "So. You two are dating now?" Gale asks. Jen grins and nods half-heartedly.
Worthington College For Young Ladies. Joey has raced over to the bursar's office to check her grades. Her face turns from nervous and uptight into thrilled and proud when she realizes that she's gotten straight As. Not even any A-minuses! Of course, none of these grades have pluses or minuses attached to them. That's weird. I've never heard of such a thing. What kind of school is that? Joey's making her thrilled face when she notices that there's one grade missing…the one for Professor Creepy's class. But wouldn't you know? He's right behind her! With the grades! "You looking for this?" he asks. "Oh," Joey says. "Oh," what? "Oh, my"? "Oh, crap"? "Oh, I can't transcribe this ridiculous anti-banter for another second"? It turns out to be, in fact, "Oh, Joey got another A!" She leaps into Professor Creepy's arms for a long and totally inappropriate embrace. "You deserve it," he murmurs in her ear. I vomit all over my shoes.
Audrey and Joey hit the local college bar for a little celebratory partying. A band in the background is covering "Jesse's Girl," a song I love because it is probably the only song in the world that uses the word "moot." Audrey and Joey are discussing The Disgusting Hug. "I'm sorry, but hugging the most gorgeous guy on campus could never be just a hug," Audrey says. Oh, did Joey run into the quarterback of the Worthington football team, and hug him on the way to the bar? Or the blond Brit-lit TA who, like, saves abandoned kittens in his spare time? Or, like, the school janitor? Because Prof. Creepy? IS NOT THE MOST GORGEOUS GUY ON CAMPUS. Audrey wants to know how long Joey was ensconced in Creepy's warm embrace. "Okay, we had sex," Joey says. "Really?" Audrey squeals. "Right there, in the bursar's office. On the Formica. It was hot, wild, animalistic sex!" Joey laughs. "I hate you," Audrey says. Joey swears it was no big deal. "No kissing? You swear?" Audrey asks. Joey assures her that there was no lip-lock. Audrey thinks upon it, and decides that the hug "proves there's still hope" for Joey. And that the two of them are going to have a wild, fun time that night! "Tonight, we're going to kiss some boys!" Audrey says. Joey's all, what boys? And Audrey's all, whatever. In fact, she reaches out and grabs the closest boy, asking him to kiss Joey. Joey looks horrified as the guy half-heartedly agrees. Joey shakes her head and reminds Audrey that she can't kiss anyone "until her tongue completely heals." The guy looks, well, appalled. Audrey explains that "there was a piercing incident. It was kind of…bad." They chortle into their beers. Nothing is more fun than lying to boys in bars. I once convinced a bunch of guys that I went to UCLA on a full kick-boxing scholarship. Well, it is the sport of the future.
Liberty Hell, where Chef Danny advises Pacey that he likes Audrey. He really, really likes her. And you know who else he likes? Pacey! Enough to give him a twenty-percent raise and an envelope full of cash. "Happy belated holidays, Chef Witter," he says, adding a promotion to the list of goodies. "I'm glad you stayed." So is Pacey! Especially because of the cash.
The Bar. The guy Joey told about the piercing incident? Hits on her, saying that they "don't have to kiss. There are other things…" Joey -- and the world -- look disgusted. "My name is Tom. Hi," Tom offers. Joey tells him that she's sure he's a really nice guy and "a world-class macking master." But she's not interested. Tom bails, and someone else offers to buy her a drink. Joey says something about humor having no effect on stupidity and turns to blow the guy off again, but this time the boy in question is Charlie. "Nice," he says. "You really think you ought to bandy about words you don't understand?" Joey snarks. And Charlie spews some shit about how she doesn't need that defense mechanism with him because he just wants to talk. Yeah, I've heard that before. Apparently, "talk" sometimes means "take off your pants." "I'll start," he says. "Hi, I'm Charlie." Joey feigns interest, and asks why she's "the blessed one" who "piqued [his] interest." Charlie spills some of the worst pick-up lines ever, saying something about how Joey's really, really beautiful, but she doesn't KNOW she's so beautiful, which makes her even more beautiful, you know? Dude, lay off the gorgonzola. Joey shoots Charlie a rather hilarious faux-demure look. "I thought to myself. I want. To meet. That beautiful girl," Charlie announces. "Does this sort of thing actually work?" Joey twitters. Charlie wouldn't know; he's never done this before. God, what a crock! I want to smack this guy! He's that guy, that asshole guy that every girl falls for at least once and then curses forever after. "So you must have used a different tack with Jen Lindley, right?" Joey busts him. He stares at her, and eventually the tiny refrigerator light in his brain turns on. "Joey, a smart girl from Worthington," he figures out. "Charlie. A womanizer from Boston Bay," Joey snarks. Charlie dubs this event "deeply humiliating," but points out that "you can't blame a guy for trying." Joey raises a brow. "No. But you don't have to have a drink with him," she points out, and walks away.
Jen's waiting for Dawson on the porch of Casa Leery. "Interested in some [word unintelligible] sex?" he asks. Please, for the love of all that is righteous and holy, no! Jen doesn't think he'd be up for that. Insert the de rigueur "up for" sex crack. "How was your evening?" Dawson asks, sitting to her on the steps. Jen tells him that she had a nice chat with Gale. "Once she realized I was after you for more than your body, she lightened up," Jen explains. "We talked about you. Moving to Boston. A certain attic with your name on it. An attic that would be a really great place for you to study," Jen says. Dawson makes a thoughtful face, but says he doesn't think it's "the right time" to move to Boston. Jen says she thinks it is, and so does Gale. Dawson shakes his head and reminds Jen that his family is complicated. "You think I don't know that?" Jen asks. "You have to admit, you're not the best person in the world to be giving me advice about parents," Dawson says. Jen looks like she's been slapped, and stutters that "that's not fair." It's also hitting below the belt and really assy, but she doesn't mention that part. "Those are the facts," Dawson says. "You don't even talk to your mom. And if you want to talk about how I should live my life, we should find a different subject." Jen looks shaky, although I can't tell if she's hurt or angry or planning his death or what. "I actually don't want to talk to you at all right now," she says, and stalks off. Dawson looks at his lap and realizes that he may have just assholed himself out of sex for weeks.
Bar. Audrey is hustling Pacey at pool with a gigantic audience of horny dudes looking at her ass. "You rack 'em, I'll crack 'em, baby," she says, as she clears the table. Pacey looks amused, and asks Joey if she'd like to take Audrey in the round. "I'll let you endure that indignity," she retorts. As Audrey…um, does something else somewhere, Joey and Pacey chat a bit about her grades, and how she's an obsessive freak and there's no hope for her whatsoever. Pacey grins and reminds her that she knows how to loosen up. She just needs to do it more often. Joey grins in return. Man, their faces are really, really close to each other. Like, kissable-close. She wonders which part of her contains that whole loosened-up bit. Because she'd like to locate it. Pacey looks down at her. "Other Joey," he explains. That's such a shout-out. Although, technically? It's Old Joey. Maybe Old Joey and Other Joey are different Joeys. Maybe one of them works for -- wow, I almost launched into an X-Files-ian explanation of how there could be both an Old Joey AND an Other Joey. Never mind. Pacey explains that Other Joey ran away for a summer on a sailboat. And sang in a beauty pageant. And had sex with him. (He doesn't add that last part, though). "Other Joey?" she asks, grinning. The other one knows better than to let things that are completely out of her control bother her, Pacey explains. "Like Dawson and Jen," Joey says. Pacey puts his hand on her shoulder and smiles. But Audrey interrupts this 'Shipper Moment with some blather about the similarity between her eyeshadow and the chalk for the pool cue. Joey grins and excuses herself to hit the bar. She tells Pacey that she's "going to keep an eye out for that other girl." Pacey takes a C-note out of his pocket and tells her to "buy [Other Joey] a drink. On [him]." Joey stares at the bill, impressed, and wonders where he got the cash. "I work for a living," Pacey grins.
But before Joey gets to the bar, Charlie brings her a drink. Banter. Banter. Flirting. Barfing. Banter. Charlie's "looking for a second chance." Joey breaks the news that Jen is dating someone else already. "I'm talking about you," he smarms. "You're looking for a second chance with me? Who told you you ever had a first?" Joey asks. "All right, I hit on you. Is that a crime?" Charlie asks. Joey snorts. "If there's anything I'm guilty of, it's being attracted to you," he continues. Oh, sweet fancy Jesus. Has that line ever worked? My. God. Charlie continues in this vein for, like, the rest of my life. She's so pretty, he loves her, he wants her to have his babies, blah. Joey's unimpressed. "At least I'm not afraid to take a chance," Charlie finishes. We all see where this is going, right? Good. Joey says she's not going to "recount [her] reckless behavior" for him. He calls her a prude. I file my nails. She rolls her eyes. "Joey. The smart girl from Worthington. When was the last time you did something completely and indisputably wild?" Charlie asks. And Joey walks off. So, wait? Are they saying that you can't be smart and wild simultaneously? Because that's so not true. At least, that's what I've heard.
Dawson's sitting on the pier thing at the end of the Leery's yard. He screams, "goodbye, cruel world!" and flings himself into the water to sleep with the fishes forever. The end. Wow, it's been really nice recapping this season of Dawson's Creek with y'all, and I'd like to thank Sars for -- oh, hellfire. He doesn't throw himself in the creek. I was hallucinating. Again. Gale comes outside and sits to The Head. "It's funny," she says. "Before you got here today, I was worried about what was going to be going on in my house after I went to sleep. And now I'm kind of worried about what's not happening." Could I be more grossed out by the idea of Gale worrying that her son's not getting enough ass? No, I could not. Dawson explains that he and Jen had their first fight, but they'll "work it out." Gale shakes her head. She doesn't think they will. Not until he "lets go of that house." Meaning, you know, Casa Leery. "Dawson, until you can start waking up every day and thinking about yourself, I don't think you're ever going to be able to be in a relationship and go to school and begin the life that you deserve to have," she sighs. Yes. Because you know who Dawson needs to think about more? Himself. Him. Self. He never thinks of himself! It's all feeding the hungry and clothing the poor and donating his corneas to the blind and saving babies from burning buildings. Dawson heaves that he just wants to make sure that L'il Lily Leery and his Ma are "set." Gale sighs. "You are done," she says. "Right now. This is where it ends. No, it's time." She's letting him go! Fly, little bird, fly! FLY RIGHT INTO THE SUN AND BURN ALIVE! Whoa, sorry. Anyway, Gale explains that seeing him with Jen has made it all clear. "The girl is head-over-heels smitten with you," she says. "She really cares about you and your future." Dawson agrees that he doesn't know how he'd have gotten through The Death Of The Flash without Jen. "Lily and I, we'll be okay. I promise," Gale says. "So, Dawson. Go to Boston. Live in that attic. Have lots of sex." Okay, not that last part. Then Gale says some shit about how she's all proud of him, and the Flash would be too, and they hug. Whatever. "I've got some apologizing to do," Dawson says. Gale advises that he "grovel. It always worked like a charm for [the Flash]." Cue cozy, familial chuckling.
Bar. Audrey and Pacey are a-lookin' for Joey. The band comes back from break. And the new singer? Is Joey. Singing Cheap Trick's "I Want You To Want Me." Audrey and Pacey stare at each other. "Oh my God, are you hearing that too?" Audrey asks. Pacey nods. "It's not possible," she breathes. "It is possible. Check that out," Pacey says, pointing toward the stage, where Joey is "singing" and "dancing." Audrey's mouth drops open. "Oh my God, that can't be the same girl who sleeps in my room! Who is that girl?" she asks. Pacey grins. "That," he says, "is Other Joey." Audrey "woo"s jubilantly, and they watch Joey's performance, both grinning wildly. Despite the fact that Katie Holmes can't really sing all that well, the crowd eats her up. I mean, she's cute. And she does seem to be having fun. Which goes a long way. Not quite long enough, but longer than you'd think. "I want you to want meeeee!" Joey finishes, yelling into the microphone. The crowd erupts into completely overly-jubilant cheers. Pacey laughs and shakes his head. "I love you Joey! You're my hero! Woo!" Audrey yells. Joey looks pleased with herself, takes a bow, looks pleased with herself some more, and then races backstage.
Backstage, Joey covers her mouth and smiles, amazed that she actually just did that. Outside, the crowd continues to "woo!" Charlie runs backstage, grinning. "I honestly had no idea you had that in you," he says. "You probably didn't know I have this, either," Joey says, and then leans in and kisses him right on the smacker! "Don't ever call me uptight," she says after she pulls away. And then she grins and runs back onstage to take another bow.
Casa Leery. Dawson walks into the guest room to see Jen in her flannel PJs. "You are so beautiful," he says. "Apology accepted," she says. Dawson faux-protests that he had this very impassioned speech all prepared! He was even ready to grovel. Jen smiles, and tells him she doesn't want to hear it. "You're right," she says. "No one has first-hand experience." Except Joey! Who has a dead parent AND a jailbird dad! Jeez! Also, make a note: the Lindley spinectomy is complete, as scheduled. Dawson tells Jen that he's going to be moving into the attic. "We can decorate!" Jen squeals. And they kiss, and then they gaze out at Grams's old place and reflect upon the weirdness of life. "We had to move away to a different city to get together," Jen narrates. And then Dawson says something about how they never hooked up in her old house and she blathers that that house will always belong to her and they both look thoughtful and I fear that this is all leading to more Dawson McPatchyChestHair.
Bar: Audrey and Pacey can't find Joey. "Maybe she met someone," Pacey offers. Audrey snorts. "Do you have any idea what it would take for that to happen?" Audrey asks. Pacey chuckles knowingly. Because, you know, he does. Audrey looks around the bar, finally catching an eyeful of Joey sitting with Charlie, and grabs Pacey's arm and makes up a lame excuse for Joey's absence and hustles him out of the bar. The things you do so your friends can get laid, I tell you.
Over by the stage, Charlie is all, your friends just ditched you. And Joey is all, fuck! He offers her a ride home on his Sexy Bad-Boy Motorcycle. Joey rolls her eyes. "No, of course you have a motorcycle," she says. "It's a Harley," he says. "Of course it is," Joey says. I sort of like Other Joey. Since Old Joey is clearly dead or vacationing in the Caymans, she'll have to do.
Grams's old house. Fire in the fireplace. Candles. Blankets. Jen and Dawson. Naked. My eyes. Falling out. Of my head.
Pacey drops off Audrey at the dorms, offering to walk her back to her room. She refuses, but she does say that she likes his car. And she had fun with him. Pacey agrees, grinning. "You're more fun than some hot guy I'd like to date," she says. Pacey bursts out laughing. "Thanks, I think." She says something about walking back to the dorm, and visiting with the security guards and wondering if one of them has had his baby yet, and blah blee blah blee she's been at the dorms the whole break because her parents suck and basically cut her off and she's just a poor little rich girl. Pacey knows the pain of crappy parents, and looks at her in a kindly way. Audrey asks him not to tell Joey about the falling out. "Sometimes there are things you don't want the people who are close to you to know about," she says. Pacey understands. And then he tells her that his dad just gave him his shiny new car. Wait? What? How come we didn't get to see that? Because that would have been, like, moving and whatnot. ["Or John Finn had something else to do the day of shooting." -- Sars] Apparently, Sheriff Witter said he was proud of Pacey. And that he deserved the car. "That's the first time in my entire life I've ever heard him say those words. That he's proud of me." Pacey smiles, all bittersweet and dreamy. "'But'?" Audrey prompts. "Even if it's true, how long could it possibly last?" Pacey asks. Audrey looks away sadly and smiles at the ground. She won't tell anyone, she says. They shake their heads over their respective crappy parental units, and then Audrey stretches up and kisses Pacey on the cheek. "Hey, what was that for?" Pacey asks. Audrey explains that she made a pact with Joey to kiss boys, and she knows Joey won't hold up her end of the pact. "I hope you don't mind," she finishes. "Rarely do I mind being kissed by a beautiful woman," Pacey chuckles. He'll see her at work! She's looking forward to it! They race off to their respective homes! Please, don't let them get together. They have the perfect chemistry for really, really good friends, but not romance. Besides, we need to keep the funny and charming characters far apart, so as to keep them in as many different scenes as possible.
So, Joey's walking home alone down the freezing, freezing streets of Boston, and Charlie's following her on his bike, trying to get her to let him give her a ride. If you know what I mean. And I know that you do. Joey rolls her eyes and finally walks over to him and tells him, very seriously, that maybe, just maybe, there is another part of her. "Another girl that lives deep inside of me. And everyone once in a while, she lets loose and does something that might blow some people's minds. But Charlie? If you ever mention her or anything she might have done tonight to another person, I'll completely deny knowing anything about her." And with that, she walks off. Charlie stares at her. "Fun hanging out with you tonight, Joey, Smart Girl From Worthington," he calls, as he puts on his tiny little penis-shaped helmet. "Good night, Charlie," Joey says. And then Charlie drives off into the night. And Joey smiles to herself and thinks about how she ought to really get out of the house more often.