Shout out to Sars, Shanda, Andrew, Quinn, owen, amygirl, Jenga, Amaysmnt, and Lioness.
Okay, so I settle down to write the recap hardly knowing from where I will draw the reserves of strength to get through it, since the latest episode of the show was so freaking boring. But the recap must be written, and so it shall be.
After the scenes from this week's episode, the preview for Charmed, the disclaimer, and the previouslys from last week, the episode finally begins, and evidently it's a "Special Episode of Dawson's Creek," like, not. Anyway, so the episode starts with some bland chanteuse on the soundtrack and on a blanket, on some kind of stone surface, is a quartet of intertwined legs which we then see belong to Dawson "Now with Riboflavin!" Leery and Joey "Call my Agent" Potter and they are in a very awkward and unconvincing clinch supplemented by the traditional over-loud mouth mics and after a moment Joey sits up because "it's just not working" (word) and complains of the bugs and the cold and I should say so, what with her pretty small t-shirt and pretty short denim shorts and bare feet whereas Dawson is clad in a long-sleeved v-neck something and jeans and socks and shoes and, by the way, a hairstyle admirably copied from Tasha Yar on the first season of Star Trek: The Generation. And a flustered Dawson and his tiny boner remind her that they can neither go to his house nor to hers, and she agrees that this is so but adds that the scene is "too Swiss Family Robinson" and enumerates her requirements for fooling around, as "a twentieth-century girl" as "some music, some mood lighting, and climate control" which of course causes Dawson to appeal to her "sense of romance" by going into a late-night-TV-ad-for-a-soft-rock-CD-compilation-with-a-name-like-Mellow-Gold evocation of "gorgeous moonlight shimmering on the water" (which was not in the least bit gay, no siree) and "stars overhead, crickets chirping...and if you get cold, you got me to keep you warm" and while I tried to keep my President's Choice Deluxe White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese from making its encore all over the coffee table, Joey laughs at Dawson's maudlin attempts at smoove talk and tells him point blank, "Dawson, you are so cheesy!" And he asks, "You don't like it?" to which she responds that she "find[s] it unbearably sexy" and unbearable is le mot juste as she rolls on top of him and they continue to go at it until the credits roll not a single second too soon.
And hey -- Dawson's Creek, just like Dawson's Wrap, is brought to us by I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, which is now two summers ago, but whatever. Then there's an impossibly stupid Buddy Lee Dungaree ad, and in my opinion the imminent turn of the millennium is no reason for us all to start reviving the argot of grizzled turn-of-the-century prospectors, dagnabbit (tm Bart Simpson), because jeans are jeans and not dungarees.
Then the show is back as the sun rises over the harbour and Dawson and the Flash are talking in voice-over (barely drowning out the REM manques on the soundtrack) and Dawson is telling the Flash that he (the Big D) was beginning to think that the Flash's restaurant idea was just a "pipe dream" which I guess is what the kids are calling a "plot contrivance" these days and the Flash answers that he just needs to find "the perfect location" and that the woman he is about to meet says he won't find a better deal than her warehouse which I am not even going to comment on, and they stand on the corner for exactly a second waiting for her until Dawson glances up, dumbstruck, as a woman greets "Dawson." And he answers "Miss Jacobs!" for it is she, in a yellow flowered sundress that admirably draws the eye to her linebacker's shoulders, and she points out that they're not in school and that Dawson can call her taMAHra and then the Flash introduces himself and they shake hands and Dawson asks if she's moving back into town and taMAHra answers that she's only in town for a few days to "sell this property" since as we all know, that's as long as it takes to sell a piece of property that someone actually wants, not to mention something as potentially undesirable as a warehouse, speaking of, do we even know why she would have a warehouse? Like, what, she needed the space for her adolescent trophy lads, or maybe for her cases of hairspray? So anyway, then a thoroughly flummoxed Dawson hightails it out of there but not before saying goodbye and comically slipping up and almost calling her Miss Jacobs again. Ha ha. Not (tm Sars).
Then we're at school and Dawson is about to tell Pacey "Monkey Boy" Witter that he's just seen a particularly wide-shouldered and comely ghost but Pacey cuts him short (or shorter, I guess I should say) by pre-emptively guessing that Dawson and Joey are having problems again, and gives as his diagnosis that "Joey is being sarcastic and over-sensitive, and you, my friend, are being self-absorbed and suffocating" which is, as a matter of fact, a pretty accurate assessment of what has come before, so, Go Pacey, but Dawson says that what he has to tell Pacey about has to do with Pacey himself, and just as Pacey is guessing that he owes Dawson money again, Andie "Rite Aid, Not Walgreens" McPhee comes to her locker, conveniently located beside Pacey's, to get a book, and Dawson gives her the hairy eyeball (which she ignores) and tells Pacey that they should talk privately but then the bell rings and Pacey tells Dawson to talk to him after school but Dawson can't because he has "this art thing" with Joey but it's too late to make other arrangements as a blissfully ignorant Pacey hurries to class and Dawson stares painedly after him, and checks his watch, and I have to say that I really know how he feels.
Meanwhile, in another part of the hall, Joey runs into "Probably Gay" Jack and tells him that the sitter called and cancelled on Bessie so the restaurant won't open, which means that Jack has the afternoon off, and instead of being happy Jack wonders why he can't open and Joey says that since neither she nor Bessie can go, there won't be enough people to cover the tables, and Jack says that he can do it, at which Joey laughs in his face and calls him "Inspector Clouseau" and reminds him of the myriad accidents which have befallen The Icehouse since he joined the team, and Jack somewhat pissily inquires as to why, if he's such a moron, Bessie and Joey haven't "terminated" him yet, like, who says "terminated"? And Joey says they don't want to terminate him, and then changes her mind and tells Jack he can open, and this will "be like a test run," and then lowers her voice and tells him not to set the kitchen on fire, and instead of telling Joey where to go, Jack thanks her "for that unqualified vote of confidence."
Then we cut to Jen "Audra" Lindley in the cafeteria picking at her food in a mauve-ish too-tight t-shirt with orange and mauve-lace trim, like, gak, and then Abby "Karen from Will and Grace much?" Morgan steals up behind her waving a flipping great wodge of cash in her face and Jen pushes her away and Abby tells her that she needs to go spend this money, which apparently is her allowance, on clothes post-haste and that she needs Jen to come with her. Note to Abby: no more pigtails, ever. Anyway, Jen tells her she doesn't feel like shopping, and Abby says, " 'Don't feel like shopping'? 'Don't feel like shopping'? And you call yourself a woman," and I would point out that no one around here has seen fit to call her a woman; maybe she no longer self-identifies that way. Note to Abby: black eyeliner requires a light touch. And Jen answers that she isn't feeling "festive" and that she plans to spend her weekend counting her ceiling tiles, and haven't we already seen Mopey Jen? And haven't we already declared that Mopey Jen is really boring and played? And Abby asks rhetorically whether this has anything to do with Jen's "ludicrous Dawson Leery fixation"? And Jen has now crossed the line between speech and lip-biting-as-verbal-expression as she bites her lip, which Abby interprets as a "yes" because she screeches that Jen is an "addict" or an "act" or an "ass" (I'm not sure which) and asks, again rhetorically, "what is so great about Dawson Leery?" since in her view he's "just a guy with a motormouth and a limp billy club." Note to Abby: lay off the single entendres. So she tells Jen essentially to get over it and Jen says that she was "rejected" and that "it hurts" and then she makes reference to the "Dawson-Joey-Pacey troika" and the fact that she hates being on the outskirts of it since she "used to fit in." Abby advises her to "count [her] blessings" since "those people are boring" (word). Jen says she'll need a few days to "nurse [her] narcissistic wounds," and Abby replies, "You've had a few days," and, much as I hate to say it, Go Abby, but the main reason Abby wants her to get over it because she wants Jen to come shopping with her because "shopping is like deep-sea diving" and something about Jen's duty to prevent Abby from "drown[ing] in dresses and hair gel" and, sincerely now, if there is anyone in Capeside less qualified than Jen to prevent a drowning in hair gel, I do not want to know.
Pacey. Andie. They both dig Dumbo. Pacey says "pantheon of all-time favourites." Pantheon. "Let's go walk around downtown." "Might as well...You're not going to throw me in front of a bus, are you?" No, but I may throw myself.
Then we're at "the art thing" opening on a piece of abstract expressionist art as Charlie's aggressively unmaternal careerist girlfriend from Party of Five is lecturing about art stuff as Dawson looks dubious and Joey in her reddish-brown spaghetti-strapped dress (which she evidently changed into after school) looks intent and then the lecture is over and everyone claps and then everyone is filing out and Joey is all impressed and excited and looks to Dawson to share her enthusiasm for the foregoing, but all he can say is that it "was certainly prolonged" like I heard that, Senor Shredded Wheat. And Joey deflates because she can tell: "You hated it." And he says he didn't, but that abstract expressionism isn't "really [his] thing" because it's so "unresolved" and is just "a blob of paint that offers up more questions than answers." And Joey is getting increasingly annoyed by his philistinism and answers, "A blob of paint, Dawson?" And Dawson addresses the last painting in the lecture and asks what's the ultimate emotion it expresses, and Joey points out that just because a painting doesn't have a beginning, middle and an end "like some assembly-line, summer-release popcorn movie does not mean that it's not charged with emotion, okay?" and Dawson says that he likes his "art with a verdict" and as far as I can see, Dawson Leery wouldn't know art if it took hold of his limp billy-club and gave it a squeeze, but anyway, he goes on to give as an example of the art he doesn't know, but that he knows that he likes, "Romanticism. I could totally get into Romanticism. If you know what I mean." And Joey replies to his single entendre that she knows exactly what he means, and before I can get all Art Theory on their asses and explain why "Romanticism" is not the same as "Romance" as in Harlequin or as in "Romantic Comedy" or the kinds of behaviours that are commonly described as "Romantic", Laura comes along to say hi and Dawson is all completely phony, "Great lecture!" And Laura tells them she's teaching an art class tomorrow and they can audit if they want, but Dawson has to work, and Joey has to deprecate herself and her artistic talents (which she says "peaked in the third grade") because she is a girl, and moreover is in the presence of Dawson and his tiny penis, and Laura says it's for people who are willing, and Joey starts to warm up to the idea...
...as we cut to Andie and Pacey as Andie is in the process of telling Pacey about her latest automotive disaster, like maybe the deep dark secret about how the McPhee dynasty lost its fortune is the ever-escalating rates on Andie's car insurance, I mean, this is two accidents already that we know about, but anyway, Pacey is telling her that she is "officially the world's worst driver" as he glances up to see taMAHra approach in the same yellow print sundress and the same really wide shoulders, and Pacey is dumbstruck as Andie asks, "What is it?" and taMAHra says hello to Pacey, and then he does that thing where he doesn't introduce Andie to taMAHra or vice versa so that they have to introduce themselves, and then taMAHra explains to Andie that "Pacey was a former student of mine" and actually, Pacey either is a former student of hers, or he was a student of hers, but whatever, and evidently this awkward usage wakes Pacey from his reverie since he agrees, "I was her teacher and she -- no. I was her student and she was my teacher." Then taMAHra says she's late for an appointment and that it was nice to see Pacey and he says "likewise" and she says a polite goodbye to Andie and is on her way and Andie comments that Pacey looks like he's seen a ghost, and asks whether taMAHra "flunk[ed] [him] or something?" and Pacey chuckles at the dramatic irony of the question and replies in the negative and blows her off to chase after taMAHra and Andie doesn't get why, and then Pacey follows taMAHra to some building and watches her go in and then stands in the reeds watching her go in and if this is what adds up to a "special" episode of this show, God help us all when they roll out the regular episodes. Anyway, this brings us to our first commercial break.
Then we get an ad for Pepsi One featuring as its pitchman Cuba "1997's Answer to Marisa Tomei" Gooding Jr., who is officially doing the least honour to an Academy Award since Kevin Spacey voiced a mean grasshopper in A Bug's Life. Then we get another 10-10-Who-The-Hell-Cares, this time with Dennis Miller, and could someone please tell me why each phone company has to have as its spokesperson a former or current comic actor from an NBC show? There's Paul "A T&T" Reiser (Mad About You), John "10-10-321" Lithgow (3rd Rock from the Sun), Chris "1-800-Call-ATT" Rock (SNL), Dennis "10-10-220" Miller (SNL), Kelsey "MCI" Grammer (Frasier), and Tony "Also 10-10-321" Danza (The short-lived Tony Danza Show). But anyway.
Then we're in art class where we get the usual praise-of-a-main-character-from-a-tertiary-character made popular by Donna Martin and Everyone Who Has Ever or Will Ever Cross Her Path on , as Joey deprecates her artistic talent, and Laura tells her she's great. Then Joey mentions her dead artist mom. And Laura tells her Joey should be serious about art and that "with talent comes responsibility" and that Joey owes it to herself not to let her talent go to waste.
Then we're at Casa Cuckold where the doorbell rings as Dawson comes running down the stairs with an armful of laundry, AS IF a fifteen-year-old boy living at home with his parents does his own laundry, I am just so sure. So anyway, Dawson is "Coming!" and at the door in a purple t-shirt and denim shorts overalls is Andie, who picks up a piece of clothing which had fallen when Dawson opened the door, and when asked what she wants she says she was in the neighbourhood and wondering what the English assignment was, and it's the first two chapters of Gulliver's Travels, according to Dawson who is shoving his clothes into the washing machine and luckily for him those chapters do not focus on the Brobdignagians, so Dawson and his huge melon will get to dodge that bullet of ridicule for a few more weeks. It was not until this scene that it became painfully obvious to me that Andie is, in fact, at least twenty-six years old. Anyway, given the information she claims to have come looking for, she makes as if to take off, only she turns on her heel in a highly exaggerated way that pretty much forces Dawson to call after her as to what she really wants, and finally she tells Dawson to keep the conversation in confidence (yeah right) and asks whether Pacey has mentioned liking anyone, like, maybe, her, and Dawson says no, but that that doesn't necessarily mean Pacey doesn't, and anyway, why? Does Andie like Pacey? And throughout this conversation Andie is neurotically twisting the piece of laundry she had picked up, which turned out to be a pair of Dawson's dirty plaid boxer shorts, like, EW! And then she at first demurs on the issue of liking Pacey and finally spills it that she does, in fact, like him, but she could never tell Pacey that because "he's a pig!" like, no, wrong member of the group, dear, and furthermore, that Dawson can never tell Pacey that, and he agrees, and tells her that Pacey's obnoxious-pig behaviour is sometimes his attempt at flirtation, which tickles Andie with the delight that only a twenty-six-year-old woman pretending to be a fifteen-year-old girl can express, and finally satisfied she starts to leave, but then turns around again and gives Dawson back his dirty gitch, like, FINALLY, my God, and goes on her way without giving her hands a good hard scrub, and I just really hope that Andie doesn't bite her fingernails. That's all.
Then we're at some restaurant which I guess is probably The Icehouse, where Jen in a dark brown blouse and Abby in a gauzy/lacy lavender something are sitting down at a table after having spent all of Abby's monthly allowance in under twenty minutes, which is a record for her, and Jen asks what she intends to tell her parents, to which Abby replies she'll tell them the same thing she always does: that she "got mugged." And Jen laughs at that and asks, "In Capeside? You are crazy." And then Abby suddenly asks, "You love me, right?" and I have to wonder whether I called it wrong with Probably Gay Jack, and really, this scenario makes a lot more sense, but then Abby covers her ass by alluding to the Mopey Jen Jen was this morning as opposed to the Smiling, Laughing Jen she is now, with new lipstick, and asks, "Aren't you glad you met me?" and Jen answers that she is, because she "left New York because [she] couldn't handle being the bad girl anymore" like, oh yeah, I had almost FORGOTTEN that Jen WAS from New York, like whatever, but anyway she goes on to say that "if being the bad girl means not walking around in a perpetual state of loneliness and depression, then 'bad girl' it is" and will someone please clue me in as to what Jen has done, other than get drunk once, and VERY pitifully throw herself at Dawson, UNSUCCESSFULLY I might add, that would qualify her as a 'bad girl'? Thanks.
Abby says something about bringing Jen back to her roots, and then locks her targets on some unshaven Charlie Salinger wannabe at a table behind them, and tells Jen to check him out, which she does, and Abby says, "He's mine! I called him" and Jen points out that he's twice Abby's age, which Abby says is fine because that means he's "mature enough" to handle her, and that she's sick of "little boys," which I can totally see, by the way -- not that Abby is especially mature herself, but that teenage boys are so so tiresome. Anyway, Abby continues, saying that she wants a man with "chest hair, and body odour, and illegitimate children scattered across the country" and...no, I don't really feel like commenting on that part of her endorsement of men vs. boys because it's just too stupid, so anyway Abby finally calls him and introduces herself and Jen to him and his name is Vincent and she invites him to sit with them since they "don't bite" unless they're "asked to," like, subtle! And he says he can't because he's got to get to "the docks" and maybe he'll run into Probably Gay Jack down there? And Abby doesn't get it so he has to explain that he's a fisherman and Abby offers to show him around Capeside if he ever wants to see the sights, and tells him her number like he's totally going to remember that, honey, but Vincent is more interested in Jen. Uh-oh! Could there be trouble ahead for these best of new friends? I Hope Not!
Then we're in a park where Joey is working on her sketch from art class when Dawson appears, and I thought he had to work today? Anyway, he appears and kisses her and she immediately closes her sketchbook and he asks what it is and she says it's "nothing" and he says it's not nothing and asks again, and she says she was just "doodling," and he asks what she was doodling, and she tells him it's a bowl of fruit, and he sort of chuckles and says, "A bowl of fruit? You're really getting into this whole art thing." Memo to Dawson: It is possible to say the word "art" without necessarily following it with the word "thing." So he asks to see it and she gets defensive and refuses and he wants to know "why not?" and says, "I like this new art interest," like, OH GOOD, that's the validation she was waiting for, jerk-ass, and as if that weren't bad enough adds, "Joey Potter, artist extraordinaire!" and then climbs up on the table and goes on with some other similar blather which he said too fast for me to get down exactly except that "master of the still life" was part of it and then concludes, "I now declare myself full-fledged, madly enthusiastic fan of your new hobby" and leans down to kiss Joey, who by now is looking very unimpressed by his condescension, THANK GOD and asks him pointedly, "Dawson, why is it that your obsession with movies is your life passion, while my interest in art is a hobby?" and Dawson says he knew that was coming as soon as he said "hobby" and that that was the wrong word but by the time he realized it, it was too late, and Joey is having none of it and she tells him she has to go and he protests, "you're just going to leave it like this?" and she answers, "like what, unresolved?" and he says yes, and she tells him to consider her a "non-specific, incoherent, expressionistic painting" and as Dawson tries to fit all that in his puny mind, she kisses him on the cheek and takes off. Go Joey!
Then as Tori Amos swells on the soundtrack we're at taMAHra's house where Pacey has evidently come looking for her and he sees the "For Sale" sign on the house and then looks out toward the beach where taMAHra stands pretty contrivedly in the grass in a black sleeveless dress and a straw hat with a black ribbon and Pacey approaches and tells her he'd debated whether or not to come see her because when they had run into each other the day before it had felt awkward, and she says it's supposed to feel awkward, and he asks if this second meeting is supposed to feel awkward too, and she confirms that it is, and that a third one will too, and just as I'm trying to remember if she had been a Math teacher and whether this scene is supposed to dramatize the concept of infinity, she says that it's what English teachers like herself call "a classic Pinter moment" like AS IF, but anyway she says everything is said in silence because the emotion behind it is too "overwhelming" and Pacey asks if that's okay with her and she says that the more complicated life becomes, the better it is to say nothing, and Pacey says that's okay and suggests that they have a couple more seconds of silence and they stand together looking at the water and then Pacey turns to go but not before asking "who is this Pinter guy?" and isn't that Sue Ellen Mischke's fiance in the backwards Seinfeld episode? And taMAHra answers, "See you in school, Pacey" and he laughs and says, "Yes, Miss Jacobs," and even though their whole affair was just wrong, and I really wouldn't want to see it start up again, I really felt for Pacey in that scene and thought he did a nice job and actually made it believable that these two were ex-lovers. I probably shouldn't have admitted that, but anyway, it's time for more commercials.
When we return we're back at Casa Cuckold where Dawson is looking for love advice from the Flash, like, that's the first guy I'd turn to if I were having girl problems. WHATEVER. Anyway, Dawson tells the Flash that "this art obsession is making Joey a little crazy" which is rich coming from Spielberg boy, but there's more: "I can't do or say anything right. I made the mistake of teasing her about this art lecture; she went Sybil on me" and, nice revisionist history, Special K, but as I recall it she was responding unfavourably to your psychic head-pat. But the Flash, not having the background knowledge we do, tells Dawson that in his experience, " erratic behaviour of the female orientation usually means the root of the problem is something unexpected," and that it's probably not about art, and that Dawson should figure out what the real issue is, causing Dawson to ask whether this is the Flash's "Father Knows Best moment," and they chuckle, har har, and then the Flash tells Dawson to find Joey and talk to her and heads out just as Pacey, "the man, the myth, the legend" as the Flash puts it, comes in and starts giving Dawson hell for not having told Pacey about taMAHra yesterday and now the timeline is all off, because assuming that Pacey spotted taMAHra on Friday, then on Saturday found her at her old house since they were both wearing different outfits then, this is now Sunday, but whatever.
Anyway, Dawson protests that he tried to tell him, and Pacey tells him that the problem now is that he's not over taMAHra, and Dawson tells him he should "stay away" citing as support for his view the gossip that followed their last "interlude," coupled with the fact of the girls Pacey's own age who like him and hesitates exactly half a second before revealing that Andie likes Pacey (like, way to keep a secret, blabbermouth, not that anyone actually does keep those secrets in high school, but still). Pacey says Andie hates him, and Dawson says that when a girl hates you that much, it really means that she likes you, and Pacey says, "That's just it: Andie's a girl, taMAHra's a woman" and Dawson tells Pacey he should be with a girl (or, failing that, with Quinn, except that I added the Quinn part). And then Dawson, as usual, bails on Pacey, but not before actually having the gall to say to Pacey, without irony, "Don't go there."
Then we're at The Icehouse which is dead and Joey asks for the day off to go see an art exhibit and Bessie gives her leave but asks her to take Jack because he just sits around "looking dopey" and she feels sorry for him, and Joey tells Bessie that there will be "priceless art" there to which Jack could do irreparable damage, but then she relents, asking Jack if he knows what an art exhibit is, like, he's clumsy and inexperienced, Joey, he isn't retarded, and he replies that he does, and she asks him if he wants to go, and he agrees. Whatever.
Then we're at a warehouse, which I guess is not the same warehouse the Flash was checking out a couple of weeks ago by his swingin' friend Cole's place of business, because as he is cooing over the space the camera pulls back to reveal taMAHra, and I thought their meeting was at 8 AM like two days ago, but whatever. She tells him she's eager to sell and that she'll give the Flash a good deal and he asks if she's trying to outrun financial difficulties like, AS IF he wouldn't know why she was trying to get out of Capeside but quick, and she rightly reminds him, "We both know my problems weren't strictly financial" and then we get a shot of Jughead Jones in profile, NO WAIT that's the Flash with that cartoonish nose and jutting chin. Good lord! So he says, "Well, since you brought it up -- a student, wasn't it?" and once again I have to say that pretending ignorance on this issue is really unbecoming, and she answers, "Yes, something like that. The ceiling needs fixing up, but the windows are completely new. From what I've heard, you're no stranger to scandal yourself," like, Go taMAHra, and the Flash replies, "Only if your definition of scandal includes your wife having an affair with her co-anchor. If you don't mind, I'd like to give that image a rest for the afternoon," and I don't want to get full-on Miss Manners on the Flash, but perhaps if he had scrupled not to needle taMAHra about her sexual peccadilloes, she might not have mentioned his, so, suck it up, buttercup. And they smile and then do not get it on.
Then we're on the docks with the Bad Girls who are looking for Vincent and Abby is in this black spaghetti-strapped tank top and a patterned dark green skirt and OPAQUE BLACK STOCKINGS which given the sunny day were totally inappropriate, and as if that weren't bad enough she's also got on this gauzy long-sleeved something that looks like it's made of cellophane and she is just one big don't, but she is not alone since Jen is wearing floral-patterned blue-ish v-neck dress under a blue-ish short-sleeved crew-neck cardigan and the combination of these clashing necklines creates a distressingly matronly effect so that instead of looking like the sexpot she apparently aspires to be, she is in fact clad in an outfit that would not be out of place on Grams if she had a church picnic to attend, but whatever ill may be spoke of Jen's outfit, at least it is seasonal, unlike Abby's. Jen tells Abby they'll never find Vincent, and that anyway he's old enough to be Abby's father, and hasn't Abby heard of statutory rape? Abby scoffs. Rape, what a joke.
Then we're at the art exhibit with Joey and Jack and Jack is shocking Joey right out of her gourd by revealing not only that he is not a clod, but that he knows a surprising amount about art, to the extent that he has a favourite expressionist and that it is in fact Jarvis, the subject of the art lecture Joey and Dawson attended. So Jack is telling Joey about Jarvis' manic-depression and the fact that half his work is chaotic and the other half is suggestive, and then they arrive at Winter Mist (which had been so contentious for Joey and Dawson earlier) and Jack tells Joey that he finds this particular painting intense and Joey squints at him in, if I may say, an oddly feline manner, and Jack asks, "What?" and she answers, "Nothing, I just had no idea that you were such an art connoisseur" and Jack says, "What, you thought my only talent was waiting tables?" and then I guess Joey figures it's time to flip to Flirt Mode, because she makes with the teasing and the jabs and says, "No, because if that were your only talent you'd be completely talentless" and Jack laughs because not only is Joey surprised to discover that Jack has a brain in his head, but she also thinks he's a lousy waiter? Memo to Jack: the crappiness of your waitery has been fully established, so don't bother. But he tells her he's "awesome" but then relents and admits that "once in a while" he might mess up an order, and she scoffs and informs him that he's "a walking sight gag" and then she's gone too far because he gets all wounded and says, " 'Sight gag'? I guess that's one way of looking at me," and Joey's face falls, and Jack goes on say, "but just like if some shallow person stumbled across all these paintings and labeled them like, I don't know, messy, or meaningless," and Joey's face falls some more because that shallow person has come in here, so to speak, and his name is Dawson Leery, but Jack's not done yet: "but if you stare at the images long enough you can see they're filled with great power, and passion, intelligence." And Joey gets the point and apologizes for jumping to the wrong conclusion because "there's obviously more to [Jack] than pratfalls" and Jack says, "You ain't seen nothin' yet" and she smirks as if to say, "All right sir."
So then we're back on the docks with Slut and Sluttier, where Abby has found Vincent, and throws herself at him some more with her cellophane thing falling off her shoulders, and she invites him to a bar in Portsmouth where they could "throw back a few drinks," and the place is called Whitey's, and she figures he's heard of it since it's "all the rage with you labourers." And Vincent, not surprisingly, blows her off, calling her an "oversexed, condescending teeny-bopper" (word). So she gets mad and stomps off, Jen tries to make amends, Vincent reveals that he was interested in her -- not Abby --all along, and Jen is lip-bitingly intrigued by this until Abby returns to drag Jen away, and I haven't seen this odd couple match-up scenario since Jake dated Kelly on .
Then we're back at the art exhibit where Joey is tentatively telling Jack she's been doing some drawing of her own, and he enthusiastically tells her he'd like to see anything she's done, and she tells him that so far there's only a bowl of fruit which isn't especially inspiring, and he tells her she shouldn't be wasting her time on subjects that don't inspire her, but rather should draw something that she's passionate about, what's important to her, and just then Dawson comes bounding up the stairs and Joey asks what he's doing there, and he says he'd been to The Icehouse and that Bessie had told him where she was, and then -- get this -- he actually has the gall to just turn and gaze evenly at Jack, with that serene little white-bread smirk of his, and say not one word but communicate all the same that Jack is beneath his notice, and should leave, which was, if I may say, the most nauseating display I have seen thus far from Dawson, both for its presumption and its arrogance. Note to Dawson: Angus wrapped a few years ago now. You don't have to be that guy anymore. So anyway Jack accordingly starts shuffling and glancing down and makes his excuses and Joey tells him they can all walk back together and Dawson continues to SAY NOTHING, not even a token, "No, don't go on my account" or "You two were obviously in the middle of something; don't let me interrupt" or SOMETHING that would give SOME indication that the Flash and Bride of Flash had in fact raised him properly, but no, Jack insists, and Joey thanks him for coming. With Jack out of the way, Dawson has the brilliant suggestion that they "check out the exhibit," evidently ignoring the obvious fact that Joey has just been at the exhibit, which she tells him, and he offers to let her show him the paintings she likes, like, she wasn't shopping, Dawson, and they're not dresses, but anyway, Joey tells him it's okay, and that she knows this isn't his thing, and he protests, and she's having none of it, and he says he wants to be with her, and stops her and tells her that he knows he hurt her feelings by "being too flip about this art thing" like WHAT DID I ALREADY TELL YOU ABOUT THAT PHRASE?! So he says he just wants to be "us, Dawson and Joey, who analyze and argue and debate and disagree" and Joey is just about hyperventilating at this point, while continuing to glare at him, and he goes on to say, "you've put me in my place a thousand times about some movie; why can't we just interchange subjects?" And Joey stares him down in her inimitable way and answers that this is more than that, and Dawson asks what's changed, and she tells him that "That's the point, Dawson -- nothing's changed! I mean, you, me -- we're exactly the way we've always been and I am so tired of it!" And poor, flummoxed Dawson has to throw up his hands in despair as she stalks off.
So this scene is painful in the extreme, and I will therefore keep it short. taMAHra is at her warehouse apparently cleaning, or stacking things, or something. Pacey shows up and tells her he's looked up Pinter and identified him as the king of subtext, and noted that is characters would say one thing and mean another: "We're big on that in Capeside" and taMAHra says she's noticed. Pacey wants to have a moment without all the subtext. She doesn't know if they can, since words have always gotten them into so much trouble. Pacey says he bets she thinks he came to her house the other day to confess and tell her, essentially, that he's not over all the old feelings and that he's missed her, but he says that really he's fine, and that he thinks he shouldn't be over it but he is, and he had really come to tell her that he's fine, and he's grown up. And she says she can tell. And he says that this is goodbye. And then they start kissing. Oh God. Okay, thank God, I have the commercials to regroup.
Okay, that was some rough going there, but I've got it together now. Okay, so we're back at the warehouse, where Pacey and taMAHra are still kissing, and then they stop, mutually, and are all hot and bothered and confused and they let go of each other, and then taMAHra says she has a buyer coming in an hour and that she has to clean up, and he asks if that's subtext, and she quite tearfully answers, "No!" So Pacey reassures her that he knows it's over, but that he just has to know: "Do you miss...teaching?" And she answers, "Yes. Very much." And this causes Pacey to choke up and tell her, "Because I miss you teaching, very much." Then he walks out. And I know I shouldn't have liked that scene, but I kind of did.
Then we're at school where a very pissed-looking Abby is striding down the hall ahead of Jen, who tells Abby she likes her dress: "Did I tell you that?" And Abby testily tells her, "Only about three hundred times." So Abby starts in accusing Jen of stealing that guy, even though they'd gone down there for Abby, and that Abby saw the looks Jen was giving him, batting her eyelashes with the mascara Abby had bought her (which was a pretty good line), and Jen tells her she didn't do anything, and Abby is wounded after all Abby's done for her. And Jen tells Abby that she can have Vincent, because their friendship is more important to her, but Abby informs her (rightly, I might add), that friends don't compete over the same guy (although, to temper my earlier endorsement of that view, there wasn't really much of a competition in this case, and Abby really never had a chance). And Jen decides to make matters worse by accusing Abby of blaming Jen because Abby got rejected. And Abby answers, "I didn't get rejected. That's your specialty, not mine." And Jen is dumbstruck by this and stares at her and doesn't even have the presence of mind to bite her lip.
Then we're in a park, where Dawson is sitting against a tree, and Joey is approaching him holding her sketchbook, and she asks if they can talk, and he says they can if she can explain what's going on, like, what if she can't? Don't they get to talk then? But I'm splitting hairs. He tells her she's scaring him, and that he's afraid if he says anything it will lead to a fight. She tells him she's been thinking about how to explain her recent behaviour to him -- why she's been pushing him away, and so forth, but then she says that she doesn't even know the reason, but only that he is very important to her, and that art, whether it ends up as a hobby or her "life's passion" is important too -- is, in fact, the first thing other than him that has been at all important to her in a long time. And Dawson is magnanimous enough to tell her that he thinks "that's great" like, Oh, THANK GOD, but that he doesn't want to lose "what's great about us." Joey sighs, and then tells him that he's been everything to her, and that she's been his sidekick and confidante "for so long," and that's great for him, but it means that she has nothing apart from him, and that her entire life is attached to him. Then she tells him that someone had told her to draw what inspires her, what she loves. And the only thing she could think of was...and the camera cuts to a sketch of the big D himself, and Dawson's first reaction is to be flattered by that, but Joey quickly says: "That's not okay with me, Dawson!" because if anything ever happened to Dawson, Joey would have nothing, and since she lives in fear of not doing anything with her life, it's important for her to have something to hold onto independently from him. Dawson answers that, in the first place, he isn't going anywhere, and in the second, he just wants her to be happy, whether that means being with her or not, but he wants them to stop fighting. Joey says that she wasn't fighting with him, she was fighting with herself, since part of her wanted to push him away and the other part wanted to hold him "so tight." Dawson asks which part won. Joey hesitates, then answers, "I don't mean to sound like a blob of paint, but can we just let this one thing remain unresolved for now?" And Dawson's look of horror at this is so incredibly disproportionate that it betrays what a huge control freak he is. Anyway, then they hug, and as the non-descript music swells...
...we cut to Pacey ambling down the road until he notices Andie sitting in a café, and he swings in, sits at her table, picks up her sandwich and leers at her. Andie rolls her eyes and says, "Dawson told you, didn't he?" and Pacey gives her an innocent, blank look, and she says, "Don't play dumb. When dumb people play dumb, it's very disconcerting" which was pretty funny, in my opinion. And Pacey shrugs some more and she admits to having a moment of attraction to him which is soon to pass, and she amends that to say that it already has passed. And Pacey needles her and tells her she brings out the sadist in him. Then she glances out the window and asks, "Don't you know that woman?" and for some probably ostensibly artistic reason we just get a shot of taMAHra's car, and her getting in it, as reflected in the glass through which Pacey is watching her, and Pacey says, "I did. Not anymore," and smiles at her as taMAHra's car pulls away and I guess that, based on that, we're supposed to gather that he's totally over her now, and has grown so much since yesterday, and has now decided to set his sights on girls instead of women from now on, and I hate to say it, but PACEY, YOU CAN DO BETTER.