Previously: Jen worried that people in a successful relationship have to be passionate about the same things and she and Dawson aren't because she likes music and he likes movies and that's just about the same as a vegetarian dating the owner of a slaughterhouse. Then she sucked her thumb. Audrey and Pacey had of the sex. Joey sang with Charlie's band, and the world fell madly in love with her. Again.
Worthington School For Rich Chicks And Girls Who Let Their Ex-Boyfriends/-Door Neighbors Pay For Their College Education Because The Student Loan Office Makes Them Break Into Hives. Joey's walking toward her room. Enter Charlie. "Joey Potter! Just the girl I'm looking for," he says. "You really have that first-name last-name thing down, don't you? Does it help you keep the ladies straight?" Joey asks. Yes, because no one -- no one, do you hear me? -- has ever, ever called her "Joey Potter," ever. Or maybe that line was a subtle acknowledgement that most people don't go around calling each other by their full names all the time and the writers know that but they just. Can't. Stop. "I need you," Charlie announces. Man, if I had a dollar for every time a good-looking man who slept with my high school friend (the one who's now sleeping with the boy I used to be in love with before I started sleeping with his best friend) came up to me and said that, I would be using Benjamins to line my cat's litter box. If I had a cat. Joey rolls her eyes and hopes this isn't when Charlie "bursts into 'You've Lost That Loving Feeling.'" Does anyone not named Maverick or Goose burst into "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" anymore? ["And wasn't Joey, like, four when that movie came out in the first place?" -- Sars] Charlie chuckles that it's funny she should mention bursting into song, because his band just lost their lead singer and they've got this big paid gig "upstate" and they need her to front them. Joey's amazed that he would trust her to undertake such a powerful and meaningful task. And she'll think about it. Charlie crumples the set list into her hand and thanks her and races off. Joey shoots the set list a half-smile. Ew.
Credits.
So, Pacey and Audrey are making out on Audrey's bed and I really, really like her argyle sweater. Eventually Audrey pulls away and announces that while "this is really hot and all," the possibility that Joey could walk in on them at any moment isn't really doing it for her anymore. Pacey didn't think she "had fantasies of any sort." Audrey rolls her eyes and groans that he knows what she means. "Actually, I don't," Pacey says. "I don't have a lot of blood circulating through my brain right now." Oh, ew. Blah blah blah, Audrey would like Pacey to get an apartment so they can have sex undisturbed. Because she's "feeling all kinds of inhibited right now." This fact convinces Pacey that an apartment is a better idea than what he's currently doing, which seems to be…sleeping in a cardboard box in the gutter? I don't know. They smooch, and bells begin to chime. It's not like a Hearing Bells Ring And Birds Sing Because They're So In Love type of thing, it's the Worthington clock tower (well, I assume the bells are in a clock tower. Go with me).
Pacey gets up. He has to go. "Well, whatever. Call me from wherever you're squatting," Audrey coos. Joey walks into the room. "Potter," Pacey grunts. "Witter," she retorts. He leaves. Audrey turns to her roommate with a squeal. "Guess who called? Wait, you suck at this game. Charlie called!" Joey's all, yikes. "So, are we going?" Audrey asks. Joey rolls her eyes, and Audrey almost leaps off the bed yelping that she can't believe Joey's even considering not doing the gig, pointing out that, last time, they "practically had to drag [her] off the stage, [she's] such a media whore." Joey rolls her eyes yet again as Audrey assures her that she and Charlie have this whole Joey Fronts The Band thing totally under control. Joey squeals that she certainly doesn't want to ride all the way upstate (and I didn't even know that Massachusetts had an upstate) in some van "with a bunch of questionable guitarists." Audrey reminds Joey that she happens to know a guy with wheels. "Just concentrate on your heroin chic," she says. Yeah, too bad Joey killed the Bantering Bandit with The Power Of Her Song, because he totally could have hooked her up with some of that heroin! Joey wonders what's up "with this Charlie petition. He's smarmy." Audrey shrugs and points out that she, Audrey, "pretty much brought the house down" the night the two of them sang with Charlie's band, and yet he has asked Joey to sing with them this weekend. Now, Audrey says, Charlie is either intimidated by Audrey, "which is likely," or he's warm for Joey's form. "I back the latter," Audrey announces. Joey smiles grimly and reminds her roommate that she's doing this "for the fun experience of it," not for Charlie and his hard abs. "Duly noted. Now, let's go pick out a fun outfit. From my closet, not yours," Audrey says, grabbing Joey's arm and dragging her off.
Grams's Premarital Sex Shoppe. Dawson's wrapping a gift while Jen is trying to decide what to wear. "We're going to Capeside for a one-year-old's birthday. Who am I trying to impress?" she wonders, buttoning up a very small black shiny cowboy-style shirt. "You got me," Dawson says mildly, looking at his package. The one he's wrapping, you perv. Also: ew. "You mean, I've got you, or you're stumped?" Jen snaps. And Dawson is all, huh? Furthermore, and I hate to say this, but Michelle Williams looks very thin here. I think she's just about ready for a seat at the Joey, Eat A Sandwich Lunch Table Café in Wilmington, North Carolina. "I don't know. Getting dressed. Carry on," Jen tells him.
Grams cracks the door open a smidge, her hands over her eyes. "Jennifah, Dawson, I hope you're decent, as I've already entered the room," she says. And they so are. "Sorry. I thought you were…um, let's move on," she says. Dear, dear Grams: if you thought they were, "um," then why did you open the door without knocking? Don't do that! She tells Dawson and her greasy-haired granddaughter that Joey's downstairs. And then she leaves. "Wow, I feel really old and boring all of a sudden," Dawson chuckles. "Not every morning has to begin with an embarrassing Grams encounter," Jen snaps. This, inexplicably and despite the fact that Joey is waiting for them downstairs, makes Dawson want to Do It. Jen sputters that she doesn't want to "be away from [her] clothes" so soon after deciding on an outfit. "Okay," Dawson says, and heads for the door. "That was easy," Jen snarks. And Dawson is all, excuse me? "Aren't you supposed to want to have sex with me all the time?" she snips. Dawson explains that he pretty much does, but reminds her that she just said she wasn't in the mood, and she's also really cranky, which makes him cranky, and he really doesn't want to give into this fight she's picking and then have to listen to her talk about him on the radio, so he's going downstairs. And he does. "Smart-ass," Jen breathes. "Are you okay? Seriously?" Dawson says, sticking his head back in the door. She says she is. And then she starts to change clothes again. Because she needs a change. She needs to change something in her life. Something. Needs. To be changed. Just in case you didn't get that she totally wants to dump his ass.
Dawson greets Joey on the sidewalk, telling her that they're leaving in ten minutes. Joey grins and tells him that she can't make it because she's
"going upstate to sing with Charlie's band." She then admits that it "sounds kind of crazy." Dawson just looks monumentally amused by this turn of events and tells her that they're going to miss her. Joey smiles at this, hands him Lily's birthday gift, and bails.
Meanwhile, Jack's eating cereal in the kitchen while Jen drinks OJ. "Is this a new kind of orange juice?" she asks. "I think it's Some Pulp instead of Tons of Pulp," Jack says through a mouthful of Flutie Flakes. And I don't know why, but that cracked my shit up. It may be connected to my loathing of pulp. I don't want to drink something that gets stuck in my teeth, people. "I think I'm going to break up with Dawson," Jen admits suddenly. Jack spits an entire mouthful of cereal back into his bowl and shoots her an incredulous look, but the conversation ends because Dawson waddles into the room. "Ready to go?" he asks. And they are. I liked Jack more in that one little scene than I have all season.
Capeside. Small children are running, basically unsupervised, through the Leery backyard. Shouldn't someone be making sure that none of them falls into the Creek? "I had no idea you were throwing such a shindig," Dawson says as he gets out of the car and embraces his mother. Gale admits that she's been "cooped up" lately, and Lily's birthday is an excuse to mix it up a little bit. A man with a baby in his arms strolls over to them and tells the Faithless Widow that "everything is ready." He extends a hand to Dawson. "Hey, you must be Dawson. It's nice to meet you," he says pleasantly. Gale intros The Man With The Baby as her friend Nathan. Jack makes an hysterically perturbed face in the background, like he's afraid Dawson's cranium is going to explode and bury them all in bits of brain and skull. Gale worries aloud that she forgot to pick up the cake at the bakery, and Jack jumps on this, offering to take Jen and pick it up for her. Gale thanks him, and invites Grams and the Head into the house for a cup of java. Jack and Jen stare at each other. "Well, you can't dump him now," Jack points out. Jen snips that it isn't funny. "No, it's not funny," Jack agrees. "Which is why we're going to pick up this cake and you're going to tell me what the hell is going on," he says. Jen just looks miserable
Audrey and Pacey stand in front of his wheels. Long story short, she's talked him into driving them to the gig, despite the fact that he doesn't like the idea of "catering to Chip Mark and his merry band." At this, Charlie comes racing up, panting that he overslept and he needs to catch a ride. Pacey makes a series of irritated noises, but finally agrees after much huffing. Charlie chirps his thanks and piles into the back seat. Joey apologizes over the top of the car and follows him. Audrey and Pacey look at each other. Audrey offers that she had no idea that Charlie would miss his van, but that it was just a mistake. "I beg to differ," Pacey says. "I am pretty sure Laughing Boy over there planned this. 'I missed my ride,'" he whines. "You know he's just stalking Joey." Audrey raises both brows. "Hello? Current love interest right here." Pacey twists his mouth up and tells Audrey that he knows what Charlie did to Jen, and he doesn't want to see the same thing happen to Joey. "Let's just have fun," Audrey says. "Fine. But keep him away from me," Pacey says.
Inside the car, Charlie looks over at Joey and makes a crack about having a dream about meeting her in the back seat of a car. Joey grouses that this is "strictly business." Charlie cocks a brow. "All my back seat transactions are," he purrs. Did he just admit that he occasionally engages the services of a hooker? Joey makes a face. They drive off.
La la la, road trip! Joey asks Charlie about the bar they're playing. "I knew you'd embrace the life of a rock star!" Charlie crows. Yes. , she'll be making flunkies blow smack up her ass, and then she'll crash her car in a fiery alcohol-induced accident, making Audrey a paraplegic. Pacey makes some snide comment about how Charlie's really "roughing it old-school." Cue more stupid macho banter that doesn't do either of the boys any favors, including Charlie asking Pacey how much "his ride" set him back. At last, Charlie tells Joey that the bar is called "The Drunk and The Dead" and it's wicked awesome! Dude! Then he says some other stuff that I can't understand because Chad Michael Murray talks like he's got a mouthful of pebbles.
Jen and Jack sit on the dock of the creek. She tells him that "things are coming into focus," and she was wrong to jump into a relationship with Dawson so quickly. And it's just so "safe." And then she tells him something about…I don't even know. I think the writers are just trying to set up the inevitable Dawson/Joey reunion, and they have to find some way to get Dawson out of this thing with Jen, and the only thing they can think of is this crap about how Jen misses "deciding yes or no, with only [herself] in mind." Because I don't even know what that means. Jack's all, you really need to talk to Dawson. And also to your stylist, because your hair looks like ass on a stick.
Casa Leery. Nathan tries to make nice with Dawson (including pulling out the line, "What about that Matrix movie?"), but Dawson will respond only in tersely polite monosyllabic grunts.
Car. Charlie asks Pacey to put the pedal to the metal, and then calls him "Granny," all of which leads to Pacey pulling over and the boys indulging in some shoving and name-calling, including Pacey telling Charlie to hitchhike, and a "You don't think I can take you?"/"Are you challenging me?"/ "Should I bother?" exchange which culminates in Audrey jumping into the fray, dragging Pacey off to the woods and then either having sex with or blowing him in order to calm him down. Yes. I'm not making that up. It's that classy. While Audrey and Pacey are off getting it on against a tree, Charlie leans against Pacey's car in his girly cropped tee and bitches and moans about Pacey while Joey rolls her eyes some more. "He totally overreacted," Charlie yelps. "That's a moot point," Joey says, advising her traveling companion to ignore her ex.
Finally, Audrey and Pacey stumble out of the woods. Pacey looks sated. "I don't want any details," Joey hisses to Audrey, "but thank you." Um, ew.
Capeside. Dawson and Jen are out on the dock, which seems to be doubling as Jen's office this weekend. He's concerned about this whole Nathan development, and Jen tells him that he needs to prepare himself for the possibility that Gale will probably get laid again. Dawson knows that, he says, but he just wants to talk to her about how the idea totally wigs him out, even if it's not a completely rational reaction. Jen's all dismissive and basically tells him to take it up with Gale. Dawson looks incredulous that his One And Only is so uninterested in his pain. She makes a face, then mutters that "it's time to move on." Dawson looks at her, concerned, and she finally worries out that "people just need to breathe sometimes and act on their impulses." Dawson furrows his giant brow. "I know that," he says. "I'm not her keeper. I'm just saying I have a right to a reaction, don't I?" And much as it pains me to say it: word. Everyone has a right to their reaction. It's how they express that reaction that gets them in trouble sometimes.
Jen makes a nasty face. "Maybe not," Dawson corrects himself, after getting a good look at the expression on her face. "I didn't say that," Jen mealy-mouths. Dawson finally clues into the fact that they're not having the same conversation. "I am painting myself into a corner here," Jen sighs. "I didn't mean to attack you," Dawson says. "I just don't want to say something I'll end up regretting," Jen finally tells him, and tries to leave the dock. Jeez. New Jen couldn't suck more if she were the new Hoover attachment. Dawson is all, what is wrong with you? She tells him that she wants to "take a breather and go somewhere with Jack." Dawson just looks at her. "Okay," he says. And she walks away.
The Drunk and The Dead turns out to be hardcore biker bar, complete with tequila shots and leather chaps. Recognizing her people, Audrey takes off to explore. Joey makes an exaggerated "oh, shit" face, one that gets more pronounced when Charlie breaks the news that they've got no time to rehearse before curtain. "This kind of crowd isn't going to care much about your singing, if you know what I mean," he adds. "Oh, that's just great. Maybe you could make a little money off her after the show, if you know what I mean," Pacey snaps at him. Cue more macho posturing from the boys and eye-rolling from Joey. At long last, Charlie goes to meet up with the rest of the band, calling Joey "a great performer" as he goes. I'm too tired to even attack that, and I think you all know what I'd say anyway. Audrey comes skipping back to Pacey and Joey, gleefully squealing that a woman is giving "jailhouse tattoos" in the back for ten bucks a pop! "Sounds divine," Joey says as Audrey drags her off.
Backstage. Audrey's giving Joey smoky eyes and pouty lips, whilst our star yammers about how much she wants to win over the crowd of Hell's Angels outside. Audrey advises her not to worry about the crowd; it's not like she's ever going to see any of them again. Joey continues whinging about "playing to this crowd," and wonders aloud why she "said yes to Charlie." At this, of course, Charlie sticks his head in the door and tells her that they've got the set list taped to the mike. "You look…gorgeous," he tells her. She shoots him a nervous smile. He leaves. "And, incidentally, you said yes because you're curious," Audrey tells Joey. Joey grins and announces that she "has to go perform." Audrey rolls her eyes. "Oh yes, I know how serious you are about your music," she says. "Shut up," Joey snorts. "Never turn on your stylist! Never!" Audrey yells after her.
It's showtime! Audrey joins Pacey in the audience. "A little stage fright, I think," she says. Pacey shakes his head. "Well, maybe that's because the front row is sharpening knives with their teeth," he retorts. Audrey makes a "Mr. Mom" crack, prompting Pacey to explain that a dive bar like this one is just fine for him -- because he's a big strong man -- but he's not wild about the idea of any of his delicate female friends hanging out with the rougher element.
Charlie introduces Joey to the crowd of snarling Wilmington locals tricked out to look like bikers, saying that she makes the male portion of the population "strive to be better men." Becoming a better man, according to the events of this past season, by the way, seems to require risking one's entire career and dropping dead after mugging her. The crowd at the bar groans loudly. Is it wrong of me to hope that one of them flings a beer bottle at her skull? I'm sorry. Joey slinks onstage, looking utterly uncomfortable, and launches into an anemic version of "Jesse's Girl." Which is, first of all, a rather remarkable bit of continuity, as this band started off with "Jesse's Girl" in the episode in which Joey first sang with them. I'm also taking it as a shout-out, because I mentioned it in the recap and it's close enough to my name and also because I'm pathetic. The crowd doesn't appear to appreciate how much Rick Springfield rocks, because they continue the heckling and add a little jeering. Pacey and Audrey look dismayed. "She might have to take off her clothes, Pacey," Audrey says. Onstage, Joey looks ready to cry.
Capeside. Lily sleeps in her playpen while Dawson sits beside her and moons. Gale tiptoes into the room, holding Joey's still-wrapped gift, and asks after Jen. Dawson mutters that they had a fight. "I guess what it was about was moving on," he explains awkwardly. Gale wonders how he feels about that concept. "Well, apparently I'm against it," Dawson snorts. And Gale spouts some boring parental-type stuff that basically boils down to the fact that, with the Flash manning the counter at The Big Dairy Queen In The Sky, she needs to Get Some somewhere else. Dawson doesn't really say anything about this, but indicates that he ought to go find Jen. "Hey, Mom?" he offers. Gale turns. "I know. I should have told you," she whines. She just didn't know how. She also didn't know, apparently, how awful she would look in that hot pink shirt and thick black eyeliner. "I was going to say it was nice, tonight, meeting your friend," Dawson tells her. Well, that was really pretty nice of him! Wonders will never cease. At this, Gale smiles and takes off, leaving her son to sit on the sofa and open Joey's gift to Lily (which is a lovely scrapbook of sketches of the Leery family, including the Flash) and look longingly off into the distance as Jewel caterwauls in the background.
Roadhouse. A bad situation has only gotten worse. "It's kind of like watching figure skaters fall," Pacey whispers to a horrified-looking Audrey. Onstage, Charlie is whispering to his band members. Mid-song, the band segues into Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself For Loving You," and Charlie joins Joey for a duet. Okay, a "duet," since Charlie only really sings -- okay, "sings" -- the first three or four lines before Joey and her frightening falsetto take over. And the crowd, in a matter of mere seconds, does a complete 180. They love Joey. They worship Joey. They're ten minutes away from creating a shrine to Joey in their trailers. I suspect that part of the attraction stems from the fact that Joey is now wagging her rack all over the stage. The camera zooms in on it -- her rack -- and holds the shot for a good twenty seconds, just in case we forgot that in addition to being a gifted songstress, a great artiste, a talented writer, and a crime-fighting superhero, Joey is also stacked.
And then we have to sit through the entire song. Eventually, however, I enter menopause and the scene ends with the crowd acting like they've just seen the second coming of Christ and it turns out that He's Axl Rose.
After the concert, Pacey and Audrey lean against the car and watch Joey and Charlie greeting their fans. "You'd think he was Jimmy Page," Pacey says, nodding toward Charlie. "Yeah, except it's 2002," Audrey snorts. Pacey grimaces and finally explains that Charlie is "just That Guy." And Pacey can't stand him, because he's jealous of how Charlie got to mack on Audrey while they were both starring in Dawson's movie. Huh? That's a pretty bad reason to dislike someone. I'd think that the fact that Charlie cheated on Jen and now appears to be making the moves on Pacey's other friend would be a better excuse for the juvenile macho boy behavior, but I doubt that it would have the same effect on Audrey. "I can't believe you want to punch a guy in the face for me, Pacey," she coos. "It's so disturbingly cute." They kiss. Joey swaggers up and wonders if they can get the hell out of Dodge before one of the men in the crowd drags her back to his cave and make her his woman. But Audrey, see, she's tired. And so is Pacey. And they're going to stay at the No-Tell Motel across the way and Joey can room with Charlie! Won't that be fun? Now, I like Audrey. But stranding Joey in a strange city overnight so she can have sex with Joey's ex isn't very nice of her. Charlie, on the other hand, just watches the beat-up old van containing his bandmates drive past them, smiles, and says it sounds like a good idea to him. Joey makes an irritated face. I'd suggest she pony up for her own room, but we all know that she's spent all her money on several identical pairs of low-slung tight Earl jeans.
Instead of bunking with Charlie, Joey sits poolside and makes faces. Eventually, Charlie joins her, saying he got them a room. She snarks that they probably didn't have any single beds left. "Not a one," he retorts. "Are you nervous?" She grimaces. "About what happens after the prom? I think I'll be okay." Charlie thinks about this for a moment before offering that it must be weird to see her ex and her roommate together. "That's how we like to do things around here," Joey shrugs, and truer words were never spoken. Then Charlie wants to know if Pacey is the only guy she's ever had sex with. "That is so inappropriate on so many levels," Joey sputters. This prompts Charlie to want to know why they can't ever have a serious conversation; Joey wonders why they'd need to. "We don't, I guess," Charlie says, somewhat sadly. He'd just like to know why she doesn't want to make a new friend. "All the rest of your friends are sleeping together," he points out, and I laugh. Joey snickers and agrees, and tells him that, yes, Pacey is the only boy she's even gotten nekkid with. And Charlie tells her that he's only slept with Jen and his high school girlfriend. "Really? I feel really close to you right now," Joey snarks. "You should," Charlie laughs. He stops laughing when Joey calls him on the fact that he also had sex with Nora, the chick he cheated on Jen with. "It's kind of endearing, really. Seeing the Tiger Beat thing end right before my eyes," she says. Charlie grimaces and finally heads for their room, telling her to swing by if she gets "cold or curious…about the room." What a smooth move. He starts to leave, but then turns back to tell her that she was "really great" at the bar, and that he "couldn't resist the urge to be close to something that amazing." And Joey's all, wait until week when I cure cancer and broker peace in the Middle East!
On his way to his room…yawn. I'm sorry, I'm really bored by Charlie. Whatever. He's like David Silver during his "So Precious To Me" phase, except with even worse hair. And man alive, is this recap running late. So, long story short: midway to his room, Charlie runs into Pacey and they basically kiss and make up, although Pacey makes it clear that if Charlie hurts Joey, he will tear him limb from limb and feed him to the lions.
Pacey continues his journey back to his room, but takes a detour to talk to Joey at the pool. Blah blah, she's wonderful, blah blah, she's perfect, blah blah blah, she could break Charlie's heart "into a million pieces if [she] wanted to." Joey grins at him. "If I wanted to," she says. And he smiles. And goes off to screw her roommate.
The Ballad of Pacey and Audrey. She thinks he went out for condoms; really, he bought her a Ring Ding with a candle in it. It's like The Gift of the Magi, only tacky! "I wanted to extend to you a romantic gesture," he tells her, because "this is [their] first night together. No roommates, no backseats, no security guards. Just you and me together." Audrey melts. They mack. And the music tells us to "take the path of least resistance." In other words, give up on Joey and Pacey getting back together, because you're just opening yourself up to a world of hurt.
Capeside High School, where Dawson finds Jack and Jen confabbing on the steps of the school. Almost immediately, Jack leaps up to "check out the football field. Run a few laps. Rip out [his] shoulder," and bails. Dawson sinks down to Jen and asks her what happened between the two of them. "Tell me anything," he says. And then they break up. It was really quite easy. In fact, it only took about three sentences: "It was right at the time." "We needed each other." "So what just happened? Did we?" "Yeah, we did." Okay, that was four. Shortest break-up ever! After a moment of silence, Dawson puts his arm around Jen and she puts her head on his knee. Whatever. The two of them could die in a tragic creek overflow accident and I wouldn't shed a single tear.
No-Tell Motel. Room 7. Joey sneaks in and lies down, fully dressed, to the slumbering Charlie. She smiles knowingly. Ew.
week: More ew.