Previously: mugging and kissing.
So, Joey and Dawson are watching a movie in her dorm room, which, in addition to being the biggest dorm room in the world, is also the cleanest. I mean, I'm well aware that I'm certainly no poster child for neatness (at one point toward the end of finals week my senior year, my roommates and I decided we were too lazy to throw our empties in the trash, and therefore had a pile of Diet Coke bottles and cans in the middle of our living room. I know. Disgusting. Anyway), but this place is so neat, Joey and Audrey must have a cleaning service. "What'd you think?" Dawson asks, clicking off the television. Joey makes a face. "It's so…" she begins. "So?" Dawson prompts. "Boring," Joey says. Dawson makes a mock-appalled face. "What are they teaching you at Worthington?" he asks, before yammering some film-geek twaddle about Pauline Kael and Godard. "Does Jen know about you and this Pauline person you keep talking about?" Joey asks. "Jen understands my need to see other film critics," Dawson grins. Except that Pauline Kael is dead. But whatever. So, Joey grins that she can't believe Dawson's homework consists of watching movies. And he can't either! His life is so good since his dad went to the big Baskin Robbins in the sky and he finally got laid! Whee! He invites Joey to come with him to do more homework; apparently, he has to go see some screening of some masterpiece of the French New Wave. "So, are you guys doing this babysitting thing in shifts, or what's the pattern here?" Joey asks, smiling at him. Dawson explains that her friends "just want to hang out" with her. And he'll pick her up at seven. Joey swears that she's fine. Dawson knows. She knows that he knows. Joey looks down at her hands. "You're just not going to let me tell you how happy I am that you're okay," Dawson says. "Nope. Sorry!" Joey chirps. "But it has been nice, seeing you again and hanging out," she says. And he agrees. And then he leaves. And Joey smiles.
Paula Cole. This might be the place to mention that I can't believe I've gotten sucked into this stupid show all over again. Just when you think you've gotten out, they suck you back in. Seriously, I was all ready to boycott this show after last season, but this year has been, well, sort of entertaining. There's enough stuff to hate to keep me sharp, but not so much that I want to kill someone. Like myself.
Grams's House Of Premarital Sex. Jen enters the attic and orders Dawson to put on one of his "cooler t-shirts." Allow me to say that while Jen's hair looks okay here, it's really way too long. Michelle Williams's hair isn't thick enough to pull off the long straight thing, and I think she looks better with a little movement to it. Anyway. So, Dawson has no idea where they're supposed to be going. Jen whirls around and bleats that they're going to see "Veneer," this band that she's interviewing at the radio station. Dawson looks up from his laptop and sputters that he made plans to go to the movies with Joey. And he doesn't feel right leaving her alone, right after she killed a man with her singing. Jen flops down on the bed and makes a series of pained faces. "No. Of course not," she says. Dawson asks if his spending time with Joey bugs her. "I just wish we'd have a clean slate sometimes, that's all," she says. Dude, Jen, it's not like Joey had his baby or something. Get over it. "Hi, I'm Dawson," he offers. Jen rolls her eyes and looks at him, and he makes this goofy "what the hell?" face. "Hi, I'm Jen," Jen whines unenthusiastically, then cracks up in spite of herself and tells him to go ahead and take Joey to the movies. She thinks he probably would have hated the concert anyway, so she'll take someone who will appreciate "the finer points of rock and roll" instead.
Cut to Audrey, putting away her laundry and shaking her ass to, yes, rock and roll. She's also touched up her roots, and her hair looks lovely. There's a knock at the door, because every single scene on this show opens with someone knocking on someone's door, and there's no clever way to work that into the recap other than saying "someone knocks on the door. It's Pacey!" It is Pacey. Audrey's face falls when she sees him. "Oh, it's you," she says, and asks if she's "late for work." Pacey grins and reminds her that it's their day off. And Joey has classes, so…. He reaches for her. Audrey pulls away and announces that "it's never going to happen again." Pacey makes a frustrated look. "I should have called!" he berates himself. "Why didn't I call?" This continues for several long minutes. "Pacey," Audrey says. "Clearly, when you and I had sex, we created some sort of cosmic imbalance, okay? Like a karmic disturbance, if you will." Apparently, the sex caused some bad mojo to engulf them all. Or something. Pacey doesn't get the logic here, so Audrey has to clearly spell out for him (and the audience) that they were having sex in his car at the same time Joey was getting mugged by The Bantering Bandit. "That's it? That? No, come on, be serious," Pacey pleads. Audrey just escorts him to the door. "We don't have to have sex!" Pacey protests. They could just hang out! And disperse bad karmic energy. "And I can get much better about this When To Call thing," he says. Audrey pouts. "No. I'm sorry. I'm not interested. I can't just hang out with you, Pacey, not after what happened," she says. "Maybe if the sex had been bad." Pacey grins proudly. "You thought the sex was good?" he asks. "Well, yeah," Audrey says. "Didn't you?" Pacey nods. "Yeah, but thank you." They grin flirtatiously. "You're welcome," Audrey purrs. "See!" she says, snapping out of it. "This is exactly why I just can't hang out with you. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to subject myself to some kind of platonic torture test." She pushes him out the door. "I'm just not that kind of girl!" Oh, all right: heh.
Worthington College For The Worthy. Saint Joey, Patron Saint Of Better Living Through Learning From The Criminal Element, waits for Professor Creepy. Finally, he escorts an academic-type chippy from his office and awkwardly ushers Joey inside. She takes a seat. Staring. Sitting. Staring. Looking. Awkwardness. Finally, Creepy comments that "every day is Groundhog Day for [them], except [they] never seem to get any smarter." Also, no Bill Murray. "I thought I'd change our luck by changing the venue," Joey offers hopefully. "I had a real good time last week and thought you might like to go with me to sing to patients in the prison ward." Creepy plays with the stuff on his desk and wonders if this is "a social visit." She tells him that she "owes him an explanation" for standing him up. Because, apparently, Creepy is pissed that she never came back to his place. Joey says there's a very good reason. Wait, so he didn't call her to make sure that she was all right? He just assumed she stood him up? Even though she was clearly on her way right over there for the sex? What a moron. Also, Joey didn't call him right away to tell him that she'd been mugged and could he please come over and comfort her? (Don't get me wrong; I think their relationship is gross. But if she's that into him, wouldn't it follow that she'd want to tell him immediately about the mugging? And I still can't believe he didn't call to check on her. What the hell is wrong with these people?) But Creepy doesn't want to hear her explanation. It would ruin "the very writerly effect" she's created. Joey furrows her brow as Creepy compares her to Lily Bart. Dude, can we leave Wharton out of this? What did she ever do to you? Joey informs Creepy that no one's ever compared her to the House of Mirth heroine, and then ruins the ending of the book for anyone in the television audience who's never read it. Blah blah more pretentious literary posturing, during the course of which Creepy likewise compares Joey to Jane Eyre, despite the fact that Jane Eyre and Lily Bart aren't all that much alike, and also, Joey ought to be insulted because Jane Eyre is a moron. I'm sorry, but Rochester? Not a catch. He lied to her about having a crazy wife secreted in the attic for years! And he's cranky! And blind! Hey, if Joey is Jane Eyre, does that mean that Creepy is married, but his wife is just locked up somewhere? Because that might be kind of cool.
And then Creepy calls Joey "the girl in the 19th-century novel who would say 'yes,' sleep on it, recover her moral principles and break the guy's heart the morning." He leers that "principles are sexy." I think that, especially in an English professor, knowing that House of Mirth was published in 1905, and is thus not technically a 19th-century novel, is sexy. ["Not missing the point of The House of Mirth by a country mile would be pretty hot, too. Pfft. Idiot." -- Sars] Not to mention the fact that, all such date-related quibbling aside (because I suppose you could say close enough), Wharton and the Bröntes? Fairly different. And they said I'd never use my degree! "Look, can I talk now?" Joey asks. Only if she promises not to explain, Creepy says. Hmmm, an English professor who can't keep his genres straight and who will only allow you to speak on specifically approved occasions? Hot, hot, hot. Not. Joey has to explain, she says. "Then I'm afraid we're at an impasse, here," Creepy declares. Joey's face falls, and she whines that they can't be "over" just because he says so. "We haven't covered endings, yet, in class, have we?" Creepy asks, twirling around in his chair. He demands that she name "the best ending in literature," and instructs her not to say Ulysses, because "everyone says Ulysses." Well, everyone lies, because no one I know has ever made it all the way to the ending of Ulysses. But whatever. ["And 'everyone' says Gatsby, anyway. Look it up, Creepy." -- Sars] "You can't be serious," Joey sputters. Creepy thinks they "both know what happened Friday night." Joey raises both brows. "We do?" she asks. Creepy nods, and tells her that she "saved his life and career." Joey's lips draw into a tight little line. It's beyond me why she doesn't stand up, announce that she was mugged Friday night, and stomp out dramatically. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't need to know why you didn't come back. I just need to say thank you," Creepy says. Because even when Joey Potter is the victim of a violent crime, she helps others. She's staring at him all googly-eyed when a woman pops her head in
the door and wonders if Creepy is "done." Creepy turns to Joey. "Joey?" he asks. "Yeah, we're done," Joey says sadly, and gathers her things. "See you in class," Creepy offers. "See you in hell," Joey spits. Wait, that was me.
Elsewhere -- and later, as it's dark -- Pacey is throwing rocks at a window, only to be interrupted by Jack. "Pacey. Why are you throwing rocks at my window?" he asks. Pacey's all, that's not Jen's window? And Jack is like, no. "Oh. My bad," Pacey says. He asks Jack to send Audrey down. Jack is like, what the hell are you talking about? Pacey explains that Audrey is "going to that concert thingie with Jen." I love a man who uses the word "thingie." As long as he's not talking about his penis. "They're probably inside, pimping away right now," he continues. Jack smirks. "Primping, not pimping," he corrects. "I know what I said!" Pacey yelps. Jack obviouses that Pacey seems a bit agitated. "Let me give you some advice about girls, my friend," he says. Jack snickers. "They like to be called!" Especially, apparently, when there is sex involved. "You had sex with Audrey?" Jack asks. Pacey assents. "And you didn't call her?" He didn't call her. Pacey then runs down Audrey's whole We Can't Have Sex Because Someone Could Die theory, which reminds me of nothing more than that episode of Friends where Phoebe was scared to go to the dentist because every time she did, someone died. Anyway, Jack thinks Audrey's theory is nutso. "Finally, someone who agrees with me!" Pacey says, and asks Jack once again just to send Audrey down to see him. But they're already gone. "They pimped out of here ages ago," Jack says. "Well, great. That's just great. Obviously, this night has not gone quite the way I envisioned it. But the important thing, Jack, is that I still have my dignity," Pacey says. Jack makes a funny "not so much" face. Pacey sucks on his teeth thoughtfully. "So, what are you doing tonight?" he asks. "Actually, I know this bar that does not card," Jack begins. "Sold!" Jack attempts to tell Pacey "something" about said Non-Carding Bar, but Pacey doesn't want to hear it. "Okay," Jack says, smiling to himself. Now, whatever could that something be?
Backstage at the "rock" "concert." Jen's hair has looked better. Let's face it: Dawson's hair looked better in the first season than Jen's does right now. The hair people must be working through some sort of trauma. Right there, on Jen's head. Anyway, she and Audrey are lost. I don't know how one gets lost backstage -- how big can it be? -- but they are. They're talking about the boys in the band, and Audrey makes Jen promise to "let [her] have the cute one." Jen snorts that she can have whomever she wants; the band's music is "puerile and gimmicky." Besides, she says, Audrey did come with her to try to "get the Pacey out of her system." "Which you promised not to comment on!" Audrey squeals. Jen rolls her eyes and says something about how she came to the concert "for the music" and then to interview the band, and then she gets to go home to Dawson. "Who is out right now with Joey," Audrey points out. Dude, Audrey, for the love of God, back away from that subject. You so don't want to get involved in the bizarre love quadrangle. Jen sputters something about how that doesn't bother her at all, because she's all mature and shit. She's still sputtering when two guys come out of a nearby door and plant themselves in the girls' path. Audrey and Jen twitter girlishly at the sight of the dreamy rock and rollers! Who are totally not dreamy. Well, the one with the beard is okay under all the scruff, but the other guy (who's sporting a dirty brown Little Dutch Boy wig) is just grotty. The Wig wonders if they "ordered two beautiful blondes." I personally make it a point to run far, far away from the kind of men who equate women with pizza. The Beard thinks they might have, and asks the girls what they thought of the show. Jen burbles that it was "really good." When it's established that Jen is the radio personality sent to interview The Wig and The Beard, they run to grab their coats. Once they're out of earshot, Audrey hisses that she'll take the Beard. Here's my question: if Jen is the Dr. Laura of college radio, why is she interviewing cheesy musicians? Isn't that Charlie's job? Or someone's other than hers? Oh, whatev.
Super Fancy Film School For People Who Need To Be In Boston For Purposes Of The Plot. Joey and Dawson walk through the halls, Dawson yammering about how he finally feels like he's really fitting in at school, blah blee blah blah. Joey cracks that now he's pretentious like all the rest of the film geeks ("now"?), and he chuckles and then starts talking about French New Wave again and Joey just stares at him blankly. "You used to know this stuff," Dawson finishes lamely. Joey admits that she was faking so he would be impressed with her. Dawson stares at her, then cracks up and tells her that she's "way more of a girl" than he previously suspected. She's retorting that he's way more into French cinema than she previously suspected when he points across the room…at Creepy and some woman. He asks Joey if that isn't her English professor. Joey swiftly conceals her stricken expression and nonchalantly confirms this. Dawson eyes her, and tentatively wonders if she wants to go over and say hello. "Let's not," Joey snaps. She glowers in Creepy's direction as she and Dawson take their seats. "Okaaaaaay," Dawson drawls, but leaves it at that.
Bar. Jack. Pacey. Lots of other guys. Pacey and Jack sidle up to the bar and get some brewskis. Pacey isn't sure if they ought to be "doing this," given Jack's "recent track record" with the old bottle. What if they run into one of his erstwhile frat brothers? Jack snorts and says that they're not likely to run into any members of Sigma Ew in this particular bar. Pacey shrugs, and says that he digs this watering hole. Cheap drinks! Late-night munchies! "Only problem is, there's not a lot of women here," he says. Jack swallows a guffaw. He smiles at Pacey. Pacey smiles back. "Jack," he begins, "this wouldn't happen to be a…?" Jack takes a sip of his beer. "Yeah, pretty much," he says. "That much, huh?" Pacey says. Jack nods and looks proud of himself. "It doesn't seem like it's all that…" Pacey begins. "Gay?" Jack prompts. "That's why I like it. Because I'm not really all that gay. Hell, Pacey, I'm not gay at all. I'm getting married, as a matter of fact, did you hear that? Married! To a woman!" Then he excuses himself to powder his nose, but turns back en route to the bathroom, and asks Pacey if it bothers him to be in a gay bar. Pacey shrugs. "Like I've never been in a gay bar before!" he says. Jack smirks and takes off. "How YOU doin'?" some random guy asks, slinking by Pacey. Pacey stutters something incomprehensible.
Radio Station. Jen and The Wig are hanging out and talking about Donovan, of all things, a conversation that leads The Wig to comment that Jen "sounds like someone who doesn't like losing control." I know, I have no idea how he got that from disliking Donovan, either. Jen sniffs and asks that they leave "personal stuff" out of this, and just "stick to the music." How much do I hate this whole crap about "the music"? This isn't Almost Famous, people. The Wig wonders lecherously if Jen has a boyfriend. "That's none of your business," Jen sniffs. The Wig's all, fine. "It's over," he says. Jen's all, "What? My relationship? How do you know that? Who are you? How dare you? Will you marry me?" "The song," The Wig tells her, nodding at the controls. Jen chuckles nervously and races over to kill the dead air. Meanwhile, Audrey and The Beard are yammering about The Beard's life back in Charlottesville. He takes out his wallet to show her a picture of his girlfriend and mentions that she's getting her Ph.D. in cultural anthropology. Audrey examines the photograph dully. The Beard looks at her and says that she must think his life is very boring. I think this entire subplot is very boring. "Doesn't seem very rock and roll, does it?" The Beard asks. Audrey agrees, and asks if he ever has the urge to "do something bad." The Beard shrugs. "Yeah. But I don't. I love my girlfriend." Yada yada yada, this is the part of the episode where Audrey learns about Life And Love from a stranger.
The Straightest Gay Bar In The World. Jack comes back from the bathroom to find Pacey chatting up some guy. He's talking about bread, which isn't a particularly effective pick-up line on men or on women. Jack smiles at the guy wanly, then pulls Pacey away for a moment. Pacey explains that the guy he's talking to is a major food critic, and he was talking up Liberty Hell in hopes that Food Critic will give them a write-up. Aw, Pacey's a whore. A whore for his work. That's so cute. "What does he want in return?" Jack asks, all suggestive-eyebrow-y. "You don't think that he thinks I'm…?" Pacey wonders. Jack's all, well, unless you told him that you weren't gay, then…yes. Pacey rolls his eyes. "Jack, look at me," he says. "Really look. I'm a schlub. I would be an insult to gaydom." Jack's all, yes. Yes, you are. Much like my character is. But Food Critic was talking to you, and acting like you're fascinating, Jack says. "You're not that interesting," Jack says, pointing out that no stranger listens that hard to anyone unless they're looking for nookie. Realization dawns on Pacey. "I think for the first time in my life, I understand what it must be like to be a woman," he breathes. "A really hot woman." Jack snorts. "Um. You're not that hot," he says. "I'm not?" Pacey asks. "Not really," Jack tells him. Heh. Kerr Smith and Josh Jackson have really excellent comic timing together. The boys stare at each other, then Jack shakes his head like he can't believe they're having this conversation and asks Pacey what he plans to do. Pacey agrees that he doesn't want Food Critic to think he was misleading him. And Jack's all, "All right, then I'm just going to go over and explain what an idiot you are." Pacey nixes this and wonders if they can't just gloss over the whole sexual orientation thing. At least until Food Critic agrees to write a story on Liberty Hell. "Because that would mean a ton of business for my restaurant," he reiterates. Jack stares at him. "What are you going to do when he asks you for a number?" he asks. Pacey grins. "I will look him right in the eye and give him your number," he says. Jack cracks up. "No, come on, we're telling him the truth," he says.
Radio Station. Blah blah music, blah blah blah truth blah blah rock and roll!
Movies. Joey's sitting straight up in her seat, looking very uptight. Dawson is nicely pretending that everything is totally normal. Joey watches Creepy's every move. Who's creepy now? "Sure you don't want to go over and say hi?" Dawson finally asks. Joey does not! She changes the subject and asks about the movie. Which, natch, gets Dawson yammering again. He's very boring, so I tune out. Apparently, it's some obscure movie or something. I don't know. Okay, I admit it; I switched over to watch Olympic skeleton during this scene. Jimmy Shea is my new boyfriend! But I do know that Joey says something about how you "pretty much have to be a film geek" to want to see this particular flick. "Or you have to be friends with a film geek," Dawson chuckles. "Right! Like us!" Joey shouts. "They could just be friends!" Dawson is like, oy. He rolls his eyes and points out that Creepy is actually smooching on his so-called "friend." Joey's face falls into her socks. "Joey! Do you have a crush on your English professor?" Dawson practically bursts into a gale of girlish giggles, this so amuses him. "No," Joey insists. Dawson snickers and points out that teachers do have personal lives. "They have been known to kiss people," he says. "Yeah, lots of people," Joey grouses. The house lights go down as Dawson shoots her an incredulous glance. "Look, the movie's starting," Joey says.
Radio Station Of My Pain. Audrey and The Beard are talking about Pacey. The Beard implores Audrey to pour her heart out to him, and swears that his advice will be totally neutral. Audrey rolls her eyes and recrosses her legs and lists off all the reasons that Pacey is "totally inappropriate," which is a very short list, and then finally explains her whole Bad Karma Theory, telling The Beard that she made a deal with God on Friday night, promising to give up Pacey if Joey was "really okay," following her mugging. Then she sighs that her relationship with Pacey is just too easy. And therefore, it wasn't right. The Beard doesn't point out that God isn't a bookie and doesn't make a whole lot of deals, but just says that maybe the ease of her relationship with Pacey is the sign she's been looking for. Audrey looks thoughtful. Whatever. Please, don't make Audrey and Pacey all mopey and whiney. Audrey is all I have to hold onto, my cheerful port in the storm of angst that is this stupid show. Please, don't take that away from me! Writers, are you listening? Hellllllllo? Crap.
Elsewhere, The Wig and Jen are still talking about The Music. And Passion. And Art. Christ, this entire arc is so stupid. Basically, Jen seems to be thinking about her relationship with Dawson, and whether it's sufficiently passionate. Let's move on.
Non-Gay Gay Bar. Food Critic and Pacey are still bantering. But Pacey has something to tell him. "I'm not…totally…totally, uh…" he stutters. "Available?" Food Critic guesses. Pacey is all, yes! "You seem very together," Food Critic says, nodding at Jack. "And we are," Pacey says, throwing his arm around Jack. Jack just looks amused. Food Critic gets up and takes out his wallet. "If you guys ever break up, give me a call sometime," he says, and hands his card…to Jack. Pacey's mouth drops open, so offended is he. "I think that I should be insulted on several levels," he yelps as soon as Food Critic is out of the frame. "Except you're not gay," Jack points out. Pacey says that he knows that, and Jack knows that, but Food Critic didn't. "So far as he's concerned, you're MY BOYFRIEND!" Pacey yells. Hee. Jack just chuckles.
Movie theatre. Joey sits in the dark and looks real bored. She sees Creepy leaving the theatre. Dawson watches her watch him. Then Joey gets up and follows Creepy outside. Dawson makes an amused face.
Lobby. Joey. Creepy. He says he saw her when she came in with the Beek. "Should I be jealous?" he asks. "Are you jealous?" Joey asks. "Like Medea," he says in yet another half-baked literary comparison, since Joey and Creepy have no children to murder in a jealous rage. I would have gone with Othello, but that's just me. Joey insists that Dawson is just a friend. Creepy takes this moment to make sure that Joey knows he has sex with his date. Sex! "Why are you telling me this?" Joey asks. I would have said, "Dude, Creepy, you are intensely retarded," and stomped off, never to speak to him again, but I'm also the girl who once broke up with a guy by giving him the "whatever" hand sign (in my defense, it was, like, 1997) and stomping off. He deserved it, though. "To get you to hate me," Creepy says. "It's working," Joey snarks. "So what IS the best ending in all of literature?" Joey asks, then snips that he better not say Ulysses, since everyone says Ulysses. Creepy shrugs and says it's easy. The correct answer is Sentimental Education, by Flaubert, which, he says, is all about "the best thing that never happened" to the protagonists. Okay, the best ending in ALL OF LITERATURE? Flaubert? Sentimental Education? Not. Creepy goes on to explain this particular theory of Flaubert's, which is basically that the anticipation of getting what you want is always more satisfying than actually having it. I learned that this particular line of thought was most famously expressed by Keats in "Ode on a Grecian Urn," which pre-dates Flaubert by almost fifty years, but…man, I am a giant English major dork, aren't I? I'm sorry. No more literature talk. "That sounds…" Joey starts. "Deep?" Creepy asks. "Cowardly," she says. He sniffs. "Us academics aren't generally known for our --" Creepy begins, but Joey silences him by giving him a big old kiss. "Courage," she finishes for him. "Wow," he says. "CRAM IT," I say. "God's really punishing me, here," Creepy mutters.
"We don't know each other very well," Joey says, and then tells Creepy that while his image of her as a 19th-century heroine isn't entirely accurate ["because it's incredibly patronizing and sexist -- not that that's ever bothered her in a man before, God knows" -- Sars], she prefers that he believe it. Because she is a heroine! A saint, and a heroine. She's like Joan of Arc, with nicer pants and fewer voices in her head. "I think that can be arranged," Creepy says, smiling at her sadly. "Are we okay here?" he asks, after they stare at each other for fifteen more minutes. "We're fine," Joey smiles. "In five years, you're going to know everything I know, and more," Creepy says as he backs away from her. " And I will seem like the biggest dork you ever met." In five years? "Or maybe I already do," he corrects himself. Joey shakes her head kindly. And Creepy walks out of her life. And mine. At last. And hopefully FOREVER.
Finally, Dawson comes out to the lobby and finds Joey sitting there alone, looking pensive and heroic. She was about to come back in, she says. "Don't bother," he says. "Want to elaborate on what you were saying earlier?" Joey mutters that he'll miss the rest of the movie. He shrugs and tells her that he has a feeling her story might be more interesting. They walk outside. Joey yammers about Creepy for another year and a half. She thinks that Creepy saw "everything [she] could be," if "only [she weren't herself]." Dawson offers that she might, in fact, not be herself. Joey looks at him. "You kissed your professor!" he squeals. "You kissed the guy who gives you grades!" Hee. Joey rolls her eyes, then admits that she was at Creepy's house the night Dawson called and asked her to put out the Audrey fire on his ill-fated movie set. Dawson nods, drinking in the gossip. Joey explains that she'd gone over to Casa Creepy to straighten things out. "But really you went over there to make things more complicated," Dawson translates. "I don't think the answer to that would sound very Joey-like," Joey giggles. Dawson thinks they need a "new definition" of "Joey-like." Anyway, she continues, she never went back to Creepy's (because she got MUGGED and then he acted like a DICK), which turned out to be a good thing, because "she would have made a gigantic fool" out of herself. Dawson tells her not to sell herself short. At least she took a chance, he says. Joey nods, but muses that she'll never know if she would have gone through with "it." Dawson asks if she'd really want to "go back in time" to find out. Joey considers this, then shakes her head. She tells him that "not knowing has a certain sweet sadness to it." (Yeah, yeah, Flaubert is the bomb, DC writers. Now, which one of you wrote your senior thesis on Sentimental Education and have been waiting for years to work it into this show? I mean, it's not like I don't understand. I've been trying to shoehorn my thoughts on the theme of incest in William Faulkner into things since '97.) Dawson smiles at her. "I think I'm familiar with that feeling," he says. And they walk off together into the night. I like the two of them as friends, without all the bitching and moaning. Come on, that wasn't such a bad scene! It was okay! You know it! Of course, now that I've said that aloud, I'm sure the writers will hook them up once and for all, causing mass suicide on our forums and leading to my lengthy incarceration in a mental institution.
Pacey and Jack are still hanging at the bar. Pacey wonders when Jack started going to gay bars alone. Jack points out that he's not alone, then confesses that Audrey took him to this joint the night Pacey cooked them all dinner. Hey, Continuity! You're back. Sars told me that you like Diet Coke, so I went to CostCo and -- hey, come back! Jesus. I can't catch a break, can I? Jack drinks his beer and comments that that's "the essence of Audrey." She "zeroes in on the one thing you're slightly afraid of" and won't take no for an answer. Pacey stares at his drink as Jack wonders who does that for her. At long last, Pacey pushes back from the bar and announces that he's going. "To chase the girl!" he crows. Jack grins and nods and says he's going to hang out with the all the other gay dudes for a while. Pacey runs off. Jack looks at the business card Food Critic gave him and smiles. Just a little bit.
Outside the radio station, Audrey hugs The Beard and thanks him for teaching her about Life And Love. The Wig and Jen are still blathering about passion and whatnot. Blah blah blah, Jen's scared her relationship with the Head isn't sufficiently spicy. Whatever. Her hair is so ugly. Finally, The Wig gives her a promotional shirt and bids her goodbye. The van drives away. Those dudes sucked. How boring was that subplot? Seriously? Of course, part of the problem is that I hate Jen, post-spinectomy. "This was so not the night I expected," Audrey tells Jen, before looking up to see Pacey leaning against his car and staring at her, all Dylan McKay-style. Jen chuckles and tells Audrey to run over there and make him happy. Or miserable. "Just go to him," she instructs.
And so she does. Pacey grins. "She need a ride?" he asks, nodding at Jen. "No," Audrey says, grinning back. But she, Audrey, does. If he knows what she means. And she thinks he does. Also, she needs to apologize. "I kinda maybe overreacted a little," she says, before explaining that "happiness freaks her out." Pacey just smiles at her. "You know what the real problem is here, don't you, Audrey?" he asks. It's that she's afraid to have sex with him the second time. (I don't know why. He doesn't elaborate. Fear of intimacy? Dislike of his body odor? I don't know.) But he's not going to take no for an answer this time, he says. "That's not very PC of you," Audrey coos. They eat each other's faces for six minutes. When they come up for air, Pacey asks what made her change her mind. "I met this really hot guy in a band!" Audrey squeals. Pacey opens his mouth to ask a number of questions, but she covers it with her own mouth and they get back to the delightful face-eating.
Back at Casa Grams, Jen gives Dawson the t-shirt from The Wig. See, now he has a sufficiently cool t-shirt, but it's from the dude who just ruined his relationship by planting the seeds of doubt in Jen's mind. Or something. She spreads herself onto his chest and asks after Joey. "She had an affair with her English professor," Dawson says calmly. Jen is surprised. And a little impressed. Dawson dubs the whole thing bizarre. Although he does say that it made him realize "how much time has passed," and how much they've all changed. Since when? He doesn't say. Maybe since that time with all that stuff went down. And that change? It's not so bad. Jen looks thoughtful, and then wonders aloud if people need to be passionate about "the same things" in order for a relationship to work. She's having doubts because he doesn't like crap-ass bands and would rather do his homework than watch her interview Veneer? Whatever, stupid new Jen. Dawson wrinkles his brow and says that he thinks a successful couple needs only be passionate about each other. "And we are, aren't we?" Jen asks, putting her thumb in her mouth as she snuggles on his chest. I know, the thumb thing is very strange and worrisome. So, Dawson's all, are you having doubts? Jen lies and says she isn't, she's "just tired." And… scene.