Big ups to the whole crew on the forums, but especially Miss Alli and Shack, and of course to Wing Chun, that recapping-partner-deserting bi -- I mean, "wonderful source of support." ["Dude, I skipped Titans for you. TITANS. All right?" -- Wing Chun]
Gentlemen, start your Maalox.
-seasons montage, in which Jen shoots Dawson a look, Dawson and Joey kiss, Pacey cries, and Joey runs down the dock. The WB announcer intones gravely that lives have changed over time. It's tearing Pacey up to have these feelings. Joey and Pacey kiss. Pacey insists that he's still Dawson's best friend; Dawson disagrees. Joey mopes. Dawson sulks. "Joey Potter had to choose between two lifelong friends." Joey thinks she's in love with Pacey. Tonight, as the fourth season begins, she'll discover…her. Choice. Changed. Everything. Yes, yes. We know. We've seen the promos. We live in the world. For God's sweet sake, get on with it. Scenes from the upcoming season, including Joey and Pacey squabbling, a storm…storming, Jen and Jack hugging, Pacey and Dawson grappling in the rain, Joey making Sad Melted Wax Face.
And now. The beginning of an unforgettable season. Dawson's Creek.
Fade up, with The Guitar Of Short-Lived Bliss twanging in the background, on "A Good" Pacey Witter "Is Hard To Find" catching a fish and product-placing an American Eagle baseball hat. He announces that he caught dinner. Joey "Tank Girl" Potter, winching (I guess -- the one time I went sailing, a Sunfish turned over and trapped me underneath, so don't ask me), smirks, "Oh, seafood. Great change of pace, Pace." She and her suspiciously-not-that-windblown hair clamber over to Pacey as he asks if she's complaining about their "sustenance of the ocean born" ("sustenance"?), and she tells him that if she never has to eat anything with gills again after their trip, "it'll be too soon." Smooching. Pacey looks over her shoulder and sighs that "thar she blows, huh -- Capeside, Mass., our first and last port of call," and Joey muses that it doesn't look much different from when they left. "That's 'cause it ain't, fraulein," Pacey says, and looks down. Joey tells him that she's "in no more of a race than you are to get back there," but it's not as though they've got a choice. "We don't have to go home," he says hopefully, pointing out that they survived for three months "takin' odd jobs," and they can stay away as long as they want, "as long as we're happy." Joey asks teasingly why he didn't think of that before they got to within two hours of home; Pacey corrects her, "Twelve hours," and says he thinks they should drop anchor there, have dinner, and then "debate" their return to Capeside. Joey looks pensive, then cocks an eyebrow and tells Pacey that "as truant as [his] natural instinct may be," she doesn't believe he's seriously suggesting that they skip senior year completely. "Just what would we be missing from the land of poorly-scripted melodramas, huh?" Pacey asks. A thesaurus, I'll wager, but anyway, Pacey goes on, "Recycled plotlines, tiresome self-realizations -- you throw in the occasional downward spiral of a dear friend and maybe a baby here and a death there, and all you've really got is a recipe for some soul-sucking, mind-numbing ennui." Or bad writing. I hate it when the writers try to come off all self-aware and ironic, because they suck at it. As he finishes his sentence, Pacey kisses Joey. "You know what continually amazes me, Pace?" Joey asks, enjoying the kissing. "What's that?" "How long you've lasted without being thrown off this boat," she says with a mock glare. "Oh, finally. That's something we can both agree upon," Pacey says. "Upon"? Cue the cat in the Cuisinart as we cut to a slo-mo of Joey and Pacey jumping fully-clothed off the "True Love." Get it? GET IT?
Credits. No change from last season.
To the strains of "Mr. Big Stuff," we go to the beach, where Jen "Oh Henry" Lindley, Jack "And I Love It! I Love My Dead Gay Subplot!" McPhee, and Andie "Nutty Sark" McPhee all lounge on the beach, looking bored. Kerr Smith + no shirt = happy Sars. "I'd kick off Jack," Jen says thoughtfully. Jack rolls his eyes: "You'd kick me off the island before you'd kick off Andie?" Andie chuckles. Okay, that's such a shout-out to our forums. It's not "fishcakes," but I'll take it. "Andie's very resourceful," Jen remarks. "Yeah, all right! Give it up for girl power," Andie says. "Ruthless alliance," Jack grumbles. Heh. Andie tries to comfort him by saying that they "already kicked off Grams," but Jack won't hear it. Enter Dawson "The Man Who Shot Liberty Forehead" Leery, who tells them that -- AUUUUGGGHHH! Put on a SHIRT, Dawson -- a shirt, a poncho, a pashmina, I don't care, but in the name of all that is holy, I implore you to COVER THAT SHIT UP! God! Gross! And he has this long stringy-haired thing going on, but I can't even comment on that right now because the chemo chest hair is shearing my corneas clean off. Anyway, he tells them that they should go in, "the water's warm." Andie declines, PSA-ing that she just put on sunscreen. Jack says that he and Dawson have to go to their last house-painting job of the season; Dawson says that they still have an hour, but Jack reminds him of various errands they have to run, blah dee blah, so Dawson tells him okay, but "it's our last beach day of the season," and he wants to "get this on record." Jen asks him not to take any more pictures because she looks awful, and Dawson tells her, "Well, now you're gonna look awful for posterity." Yeah, look who's talking, Robert Mappleforehead. Dawson whips out a cheap-ass silver point-and-shoot camera and the others pose for him. Jack says that they'll all meet up at the Dive-In. Jen tells Dawson that she heard Jaws is playing at the Dive-In, and Dawson smirks that he doesn't think he's seen that one before. Okay, not funny, but at least he tried. The shirtless ones leave.
Andie points out "cute boys, two o'clock." Shot of Real World Danny, attired in fluorescent swim trunks, and his Fab Morvan-esque friend. Jen shrugs that it doesn't matter, and Andie protests that "one of us is single," prompting Jen to point out that, so far, Andie's summer dating life "has been an episode of Abstinence In The City [sic]." Andie snorts that Capeside "hasn't offered a suitable summer fling." Jen laughs at her for not having the sack to go up and talk to any of the guys she sees. Andie gets all defensive and says she's going to go talk to Danny and Fab. Jen cheers her on. Andie doesn't move. Jen gives her more guff. Andie says she's formulating a plan. Jen rolls her eyes and goes to the snack bar. Andie frowns and stares at Danny and Fab some more.
Docks; Pacey and Joey, vacating the boat. Pacey picks up a wrapped rectangular package and comments that it's "a little on the heavy side," and asks who it's for; Joey, wearing a Delia's-vintage tie-back turquoise belly top with embroidery on it, fibs nervously that she doesn't know, she guesses it's for Bessie, "is that everything?" Pacey says they can pick up the rest of their stuff later. Joey sighs, "Okay," and looks preoccupied. They walk up to shore, and Pacey mentions that, before they leave, "there is one other thing we should cover," namely the subject of whether or not the two of them did the do. Pacey points out that "they're gonna ask," and Joey plays dumb, and he says that he means "sexually speaking," at which Joey giggles, "No one cares, Pacey." He fixes her with a look. She admits that maybe people care, "but they're not gonna ask -- it's too crass!" "We live in a crass age," he tells her. Joey asks what he's going to say. He says that it depends on what she's going to say. She says she's not going to say anything, "because it's no one's business." "That's good," Pacey says quickly. "Nothing sounds perfect." Whatever -- nice try with the tension-building, writers, but if these two had sex, I'll eat my hat. Not that they wouldn't have in real life, but on this show, no way. Anyway, they reach the top of the dock, and Joey says reluctantly, "Well, this is it -- the last of our summer. I go left, you go right, and we spend the whole twenty-four hours away from each other." Banter about how Pacey isn't sad because Joey's starting to get on his nerves, only he's actually sad, he's just "covering it with false bravado," blah blah blah fishcakes, and they walk off in separate directions. Then they run back to each other and start kissing. Like, ha ha. Not.
Scenes of Capeside; melt fade to the hardware store, where a girl in a tight tank top and even tighter blue pants walks up to Dawson and asks where she might find light bulbs. Non-funny mistaking-him-for-someone-who-works-there back-and-forth, and then they recognize each other -- she's Gretchen Witter, Pacey's sister. Dawson's hair is pasted greasily to his head, except for a few lanky strands that dangle in his face…and the spiky little proto-mullet tufts at the base of his neck…and the skanky long parts on top…I need to lie down. Gretchen must have a stronger constitution than mine, because she asks how he's doing. He says he's "damp" (ew), and she prods him a little, saying she heard from "the family" about what happened with him and Joey; he says he's fine, not very convincingly. She confesses that she's taking time off from college; she'd better not take too long, since the actress is about to turn forty. Anyway, good to see you, good to see you too, she walks off, whatever. Jack comes up, asks if Dawson got the rollers they need, and asks about "the girl." "What girl?" Jack gets off a funny quip about the girl Dawson's going to pretend he doesn't know until Jack keeps annoying him by asking about her over and over again. Dawson tries to put him off with "long story," but Jack says, "Good, 'cause we got the entire north side of Mrs. Hancock's to paint." Jack, Jack, Jack, how many times do we have to tell you not to encourage Dawson to tell any boring, overly nostalgic stories?
Over at the PB&B, Joey protests, "I can't believe you!" Bessie "Mama Mia" Potter says that she's Joey's sister, and thus has a right to know. Joey shakes her head; Bessie says that she's Joey's sister whom Joey ditched last June: "I'm entitled to know." Joey dodges by telling Bessie to open her gift. "A plant," Bessie says unenthusiastically. Joey says that it's a Carolina jasmine: "At night, if the wind hit right, we could smell them two miles out on the water." Yeah, I'll bet you could. Bessie tries again to ask if she and Pacey had sex, but Joey tells her to "quit it," she hasn't even unpacked yet, and she grabs her satchel and heads to her room, which -- as we find out when Joey barges in on a guy in his underwear -- Bessie rented out "until Tuesday" in Joey's absence. Joey's face clouds, but Bessie distracts her by proudly showing off the PB& B accounting ledger, which has a bottom line of seventeen grand in profits. Joey smiles in disbelief, and Bessie admits that she "wanted it to be a surprise," and they hug. Aw. Go, Bessie.
Jen comes back from the snack bar to find Andie chatting up Fab and Danny. Andie introduces them, tells Jen they're French, and starts rambling on all Tourette's because it's her understanding that Fab and Danny barely speak English. Fab says he'd like a tour of Capeside. Andie invites Jen along, but Jen wisely takes a Pasadena. Andie keeps blithering. Sadly, the scene ends before the Brenda-Walsh-and-"Reek"-esque wacky hijinks have a chance to split my sides.
Doug "Neat? Check. Freak? Check" Witter sarcastically admires the "Florida snowman" snowglobe Pacey brought him, which consists of a top hat and a teeny carrot floating around. Hee -- I love those. Pacey flops down on the couch and asks, "How's my favorite couch been -- you been keepin' it warm for me?" Doug says that it's funny Pacey should mention that. Pacey groans that he hopes Doug isn't kicking him out. Then, to the surprise of exactly one viewer, Pacey intimates that Doug has moved a boyfriend into his apartment. Dear writers: It's not funny. It's never been funny. It plays on stupid stereotypes, it's becoming offensive, and if you did make Doug gay, you'd probably kick him off the police force and give him a job at Matt Queen Of Melrose's World Of Chaste Hugs And Hysteria-Tinged AIDS Storylines, so for the last time -- drop it. Signed, a viewer pinned under a large block of granite. Jesus. More non-amusing repartee about the gender of Doug's new roommate, it's "purely platonic," blah bling blah, enter Gretchen, a.k.a. "the new roommate," she fires off a "nice hair, loser" line at Pacey, and they hug.
Vow-Renewal Villa. An ovary broods about waiting for rainy days as Joey pauses on the lawn and looks at the porch. She lets herself in the front door and calls, but nobody's at home. The Leerys have redecorated over the summer, and Joey looks around, discomfited. Fade to Joey walking into Dawson's room, which he's repainted taupe and furnished with matted photos of Jen and Andie and Jack, as well as the dork-ass "Imagine" poster. New curtains, new bedspread, and nary a sign of Joey. Joey stands in the middle of the room, hands on her hips, and looks lonely.
Hey, Salon Selectives cactus-head girl? We already have a Parker Posey, but thanks for coming out today.
Over at the Hancock house, it's a totally different -- and earlier -- time of day from the one we just saw at the Leerys'. Dawson's hair looks like a cross between Gordon Gekko and Kenickie from Grease, slicked back at the top and sides and flopping down over his massive forehead with little frayed tufts sticking out at the back. Dawson tells Jack how he used to have a big crush on Gretchen Witter and how he used to leave her anonymous gifts, which he later realized had turned into "a Witter family joke." Not just in the Witter family, Casanotva. Jack does detail work and politely feigns interest, no doubt trying to determine how he'll know when the writers' strike has actually started (tm Shack). Dawson, trying to sound lighthearted but only achieving "still self-righteously bitter," remarks that, like the rest of his adolescent crushes, the Gretchen thing went nowhere.
Over at the Doug Witter Sibling Shelter, Pacey and Gretchen snip at each other to "get over yourself," and Pacey asks if Gretchen isn't "a college student or something?" "It's called taking time off," Gretchen grits. "Sure it is," Pacey snorts, telling her she can't fool him. She tells him to mind his own business, and he says he'd happily do just that if she hadn't displaced him at Doug's. Doug comes in from the kitchen to break it up and reminds Pacey that he has other living options, whereas Gretchen does not. He smirkingly suggests that Pacey live on his boat. Pacey complains that he just "spent the last hundred days on that thing," so Doug proposes that he stay with their parents, then; Pacey would rather take "a cot on death row." "There's always the zoo," Gretchen snides. "Down, Gretchzilla," he volleys back. Heh. Gretchen asks why he doesn't stay with Joey, and when he asks what she means, she says that he has a girlfriend now, and Joey would probably happily set him up with a bed, or let him "share hers." Pacey says mock-smugly that he doesn't appreciate that comment, or the tone in which Gretchen made it, but Doug says that Gretchen has a point, and if anyplace has extra rooms, "it's a B&B." "I am not gonna impose on that family," Pacey says nobly. Whatever, Pacey. Gretchen snarks that he imposes on his own family, and she and Doug exchange snarky smiles while Pacey says sarcastically that it's good to have her home, except that he doesn't have a home anymore. It pains Gretchen to see Pacey in this predicament, so much that she blithely asks Doug to pass the iced tea immediately after saying so. Like, ha ha. Not. Pacey looks grim.
In the kitchen of the Ryan Home, Jen snaps beans and tells Joey that Henry "Sub" Parker did so well at football camp that he got a scholarship to a snooty private school, so his parents sent him there instead to "double his college options." Well, that's good news. Smell ya later, Stalker Percy. Grams "Easy Spirit" Ryan pipes up from the sink, "They're doing what Jennifah terms 'the long-distance thang.'" Ha! I love Grams. Jen grumbles that Grams, ironically, doesn't approve, and Grams sets down a vase and tells her that "youth is a time to be spent in the now, not pining away for a solitary weekend every other month or so." "Isn't there a pair of knitting needles calling your name somewhere?" Jen asks mildly. "I suppose they are," Grams smiles, welcomes Joey home from her trip, and leaves the kitchen. The minute she's gone, Jen turns the subject to Joey's "world excursion," and Joey enthuses that "we had the time of our lives -- I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin talking about it." How about during a commercial? Because if I cared, I'd have read the Desktop. Jen advises her to "cut to the sordid stuff," and at Joey's embarrassed "Jen!" she says that she "wouldn't be human" if she didn't want to know, and Joey and Pacey, "alone on a boat for three months -- everybody's gonna ask." Joey shrugs dismissively that "we're not talking about it." Jen smirks and reminds Joey that "'no' means no and 'we're not talking about it' means you did it." Joey tries not to smile, fails, then shrugs and says, "You got me -- we did it. All day, all night, twenty-four-seven. Are you aware that there are thirty-eight known different sexual positions? Forty-two if you're flexible enough." Snerk. Jen has the grace to look a little ashamed: "You're right, it's none of my business." Joey smiles. Then she looks out the kitchen window at the Leerys' house; her smile fades, and she looks back at Jen and asks with studied casualness, "Jen, how is everyone else doing?" "Good. Everybody's good," Jen says softly. Joey nods. Then she says she has to get going, and when Jen asks what she's up to later, Joey says that she and Pacey have decided to take "[their] first official night off" from each other. Oh, puke. Jen invites her to come to the Dive-In. Joey demurs, thinking maybe that's not such a great idea, but Jen overrides her: "Eight o'clock, Stupmuck Cove, and I'm telling everybody that you're gonna be there."
Oh, hello, wacky subplot. Andie gives the Frenchmen the tour. Faux flirting compliments of Fab. It comes to light that Danny only talks "when he wants." Fab "come[s] from Paris." Andie waxes clichéd about the City of Lights. Danny mutters, "S'il vous plait, me présentez à votre ami sous-utilisé Jack." Okay, he doesn't. He does say something fromage-errific about Andie knowing Paris in her heart, which Fab dutifully translates. Hmmm. Anyone else get the feeling that Fab has just become la cinquième roue?
Cut to a Voyager film reel of Mars from extremely close up -- oh, no, it's just Dawson in the red glare of his darkroom. His parents built him a darkroom? Who eats at that crappy restaurant, the Sultan of Brunei? "So how'd she look?" he asks. Jen warns him, "Dawson," and shakes her head all bad-dog-no-biscuit. "It's a question," Dawson says too-casually. Jen turns her attention back to a proof: "She looked great." "Great. Great!" Dawson says all Sunday-school-teacher, and then he asks if Jen's sure Joey "didn't grow a hump" or come down with a hideous skin disorder or something. Okay, Dawson's dialogue here sounds really off-putting, but it's actually kind of funny and at least semi-realistic. Jen starts laughing and asks if that means Dawson doesn't want to see Joey. "I didn't say that," Dawson says, stirring developer. Good, Jen says, because she invited Joey to join them at the Dive-In. Dawson laughs sarcastically, "You -- how very thoughtful of you," and hangs up a print. Jen reminds him that he'll have to get the "awkward intros" over with eventually. "What ever happened to the natural progression of things?" Dawson asks, and Jen says that Joey naturally came over and she naturally invited Joey along. Dawson, worried: "So is what's-his-name gonna be there?" Jen says no, he and Joey "are taking the night off," so Dawson and Joey can have a conversation and "decide to remain friends forever, no matter what happens," like, oh no, they've gotten to Jen too. At least she didn't say the word "soulmates." Yet, anyway. Dawson asks why Jen's "so resolute about this," and it comes out that Jen feels responsible for Dawson finding out and getting hurt, and Dawson nicely tells her, "The only thing you're responsible for is helping me have arguably the best summer of my life." Dawson actually behaves like a human being in this scene, and I don't quite know what to do with that, so let's move on.
Dawson and Jen come upstairs and walk in on the Flashes making out on the couch. Dawson makes an "it's déjà screw all over again" remark that should have earned him a slap in the mouth. It isn't funny, we don't even see them again this episode -- can't the writers just do a Wheels-from-Degrassi and kill the Flashes off already?
Joey sits on the dock of the PB&B, shucking corn. Pacey comes up behind her and puts his hands over her eyes: "Guess who?" Joey, flirtatiously: "Well, let's see -- it can't possibly be my boyfriend, because we aren't supposed to see each other until tomorrow. He -- he was growing sick of me." "That was before he found out he was homeless and needed to bum a couch for the night," he says, kissing her. She gives him the bad news that, because of the lodger, she's on the couch until Tuesday herself. Pacey sits down beside her and says he's getting the feeling that Capeside didn't really miss them all that much; Joey agrees that "it's like the reverse of It's A Wonderful Life; everyone's better off without us." "Except for each other," Pacey says. She smiles at him, and they touch foreheads. Aw. That's kind of cute. He asks her what she wants to do that night, and as her face falls, he rambles on for a bit with a few suggestions, and then she has to break it to him that she told Jen she'd go to the Dive-In.
Pacey whines that "everybody from school's gonna be at the Dive-In," and he doesn't think he's ready for that yet. Joey nods and turns back to her corn husks without saying anything. Pacey furrows his brow: "Were you gonna go without me?" Joey makes an "oops" face but covers by telling him that he can just come with her, adding that "it'd be fun -- and healthy, to see everyone." "To see Dawson," he corrects her, flatly. Patiently, she tells him, "Yes, to see Dawson, which we've talked about, Pacey, and it's no secret that I'm anxious to get things squared away with him." "No, it's no secret," Pacey sighs, but he apparently decides to himself not to make a federal case out of it and says that he doesn't care where they go or what they do, as long as they do it together. She smiles shyly. They kiss some more. These two act awfully first-blush-of-love around each other still, considering that they've just spent three months in each other's constant, unbathed, no-room-to-turn-around presence -- never mind not having sex, I don't buy the gooey business lasting this long either. Anyway. "Thank you," she whispers, and heads into the house, practically unable to walk in her midi skirt. Pacey watches her go, then turns back towards the water and frowns.
Oh, hello, Dunkin Donuts.
Fade up on Jaws, showing at the Dive-In. The Dive-In looks, heaven help me, kind of fun. You know, minus the whole Dawson element. Andie, with Danny and Fab in tow, wades into the water, then spots the gang sitting in a boat and tells Danny and Fab to go ahead. Jack teases her about "makin' new friends," and Dawson adds unhelpfully that "it was the French who coined the term ménage à trois." At last, the moment has arrived: Shut up, Dawson. Andie says more or less the same thing, and adds that she only really digs Fab: "The other one just stands there looking like a dolt." No no, that's Jamie that does that. Jen asks if Andie has determined whether Fab is single yet, and Andie giggles, "I'm working on it. Gimme an hour," and splashes off. "Unbelievable," Jack snorts, but it's unclear who he's talking about, because there's a quick cut to Joey and Pacey walking hand-in-hand down the beach. Music Of Great Peril comes from the movie, and Dawson looks over, smiling, spots the couple, frowns, and faces abruptly forward, the better to show off his Hair By Skate-Rat. "I thought you said he wasn't gonna be here, Jen," he mutters, practically hyperventilating. He wasn't going to be, why is he here then, I don't know, look, look away, look, look away, and it's all very obvious and all very high-school.
Up the beach, Joey shifts from foot to foot and admits that "maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Pacey says all I-told-you-so, "Well, it wasn't my idea in the first place." Joey slips her hand out of his; as Pacey looks confusedly down at his now-empty hand, Joey stammers, "Do you think that, uh…" Pacey shortly suggests that he go get them a drink while she goes to say hello, and he goes to do just that. Joey flaps her elbows awkwardly and approaches the boat. That's Dawson's cue to bolt, which he does, claiming that he's moving to "a better seat." Jen tries to stop him; he won't hear it. Jen and Jack exchange a look and split up, Jen to go reason with Dawson, Jack to greet Joey.
Jack helps Joey into the boat and they hug warmly; Joey compliments him on his muscle tone. "So, where'd everyone go?" Joey asks brightly. Duh, Joey. You must have seen Dawson bail. "Ehhhhh," Jack says lamely.
Gretchen spots Pacey at the drink tent. He chaffs her for not only snagging his spot on the couch, but also for messing with his "social standing." She ignores him and asks gently, "Do you wanna take a walk?" "Yeah," he sighs. Off they go, Pacey bitching some more about having to give up Doug's couch, Gretchen saying that "retribution is yours" because Doug gets up at seven every morning to Dustbuster the kitchen, Pacey reminding her that she used to blast her music so loud that "small nations" complained, an argument over the terms "rock" and "soul," so on and so forth. Gretchen accuses him of becoming more obnoxious, but says that somehow he still got the girl. He smiles that yes, he did, and makes who'da-thunk-it noises, and Gretchen says anyone could have seen it coming, and she goes on to mock-insult her brother some more before calling both him and Joey "lucky." Pacey accepts the compliment, then turns the tables and asks why Gretchen "honestly" returned to Capeside. "I'm just, uh, takin' a break, that's all," she lies. Pacey doesn't press her, just wishes her a welcome home. "And, um, speaking of home," she says, slinging an arm around his back, "I have a suggestion that I think you might find appealing."
Long shot of Jen and Dawson, sitting tensely and "watching" the movie; focus pull to Joey looking over at Dawson and heaving a sigh. Then she turns abruptly to Jack and tells him to ask her a question. Jack grunts that he gets it, it's the make-small-talk-till-he-comes-over routine. Joey doesn't deny it and tells Jack again to ask her a question. "Well, actually," he grins lasciviously, "I do have a question." "Not that question!" she sputters. Jack swears he won't tell anyone.
Jen mutters conspiratorially to Dawson that "she's doing the official wait-for-Dawson-to-come-over thing." Dawson corrects that to read "the wait-in-vain-for-Dawson-to-come-over thing." Oh, whatever, gel monkey. "One more joke like that, and I am really gonna know how hard this is for you," Jen gripes. Zing! Point: Lindley. Dawson says that it isn't, that it's not easy but it's not hard either, and Jen rolls her eyes and says, "Well, whatever it is, why don't you just go get it over with?" Word. I can -- dare I say it? -- sympathize with Dawson in re: the awkwardness factor of the situation, but seriously, it's best just to plunge in and have done with it. Dawson calls what's about to unfold "a highly predictable moment," going on to say that he'll go over, he and Joey will chitchat "until the awkwardness overwhelms us both, and then we're just gonna part, each of us surprised at how surprisingly painless the whole encounter surprisingly was." Snerk. Damn -- I really don't hate Dawson that much at the moment. I actually have a shred of sympathy for the guy. I mean, yeah, you need a microscope to see said shred, but still. Anyway, Jen does the voice-of-reason thing: "Well, then, surprise me and go on over there." Dawson rolls his eyes, says all not-nonchalantly, "Arright," and heads over.
He bounds into the boat and says to Joey, "Hey." "Hey!" she says back, sincerely happy to see him. Dawson shoots Jack a couple of looks; Jack, his forty-eight seconds of screen time for the episode having expired, makes himself scarce. The Poignant Piano starts up. "So, how's it goin'?" Joey asks, grinning from ear to ear. "Uh, great, great -- it's goin' great," Dawson stammers. Down the beach, Pacey sees them talking. They exchange small talk about their summers, calling them "brief, but good" and each saying that the other looks great, and Dawson can't help himself and begins to beam at Joey, and Pacey looks utterly defeated and rolls his eyes and turns away. Joey looks uncomfortable. Silence. Then they talk over each other. Then more beaming. "It was good to see you," Dawson says, falling back on his old priggish tone. Joey hears the past tense there and deflates, but recovers with, "It's good to see you too." The Sad Clarinet comes in to join The Poignant Piano, and Dawson walks away. Joey shrinks down into herself -- an inevitable consequence of not having any functioning vertebrae, I guess -- and looks disappointed.
Dawson race-walks to the side of a building, slumps against it, and knocks his head against the wall, trying to catch his breath. He looks simultaneously proud of himself and like he might cry. I know that feeling, and it sucks, and Dawson deserves every flared nerve ending of it, but I have to give James Van Der Beek a bitty little prop for his acting there. Not a nostril flare in sight, for real. Impressive. ["You are fired." -- Wing Chun]
Andie, Danny, and Fab splash out of the water. Meredith Monroe, who's all wet and has a pretty cut torso, looks kind of like a female bodybuilder in this shot. Yeccchh. Suddenly, she spots Pacey and screeches to a halt, telling the guys that "there's someone that I'm not quite ready to see yet." Danny and Fab regard her blankly. "How do you say…'ex-boyfriend'?" "I understand," Fab tells her. Andie sees her opening and takes it, asking Fab if he has a girlfriend; he does. Andie makes frustrated noises. Danny and Fab exchange a look, and Fab shrugs and splashes away. Andie vents to Danny, who she thinks can't understand a word she says, and as she's blathering on about how "you guys are all the same -- doesn't matter if you're French, American, English, German, Russian, Dutch, French," she notices Danny giving her the stink-eye and demands, "What're you looking at?" "A very rude girl," Danny smirks, without a trace of an accent (or any inflection, for that matter). Andie starts to bitch him out, saying that he doesn't even know her, but then she twigs to the fact that he speaks English and understood everything she said all day. He explains that "that was a joke," and he introduces himself. Andie grumbles, "Pardon moi, just gonna to go drown myself." Danny twinkles at her. He's cute, but he can't act.
Pacey finds Joey standing around and scanning the crowd. "There you are," she says, sounding relieved. "And here we go," Pacey says, taking her grimly by the elbow. She asks what he's doing, and he says he's doing them both a favor and taking them home, and she grouches, "And you don't even ask me if I wanna go?" A bit of back-and-forth over whether she's having "a fun time," and Pacey says that if she looks this way when she's enjoying herself, then she must not have enjoyed herself on the boat, "because you never once looked like this." "And you never once behaved like this," Joey says, starting to get angry. "And just how am I behaving?" he asks glumly. She says she can't decide between "asinine, immature child and arrogant, infantile boyfriend," and he starts to walk off, saying that he didn't want to come in the first place, and she snipes in an "uh duh" tone that "well, then you shouldn't have come." He wheels around to stare at her. She does a "what?" shrug. "Yeah -- I guess you woulda loved that, huh?" Pacey sneers, saying that then she'd have had plenty of time to "square things away with" Dawson, as she puts it. Joey reminds him that "dealing with Dawson is a reality" for her, for both of them; Pacey reminds her that Dawson hates him and he can't fix that. "Well, you could try," Joey shouts. "I don't want to!" Pacey shouts back. Good for you, Pacey. I mean, finally. "Well, I do, and I'm sorry if you have a problem with that!" Joey wails. "You're damn right I have a problem with that!" Pacey thunders -- don't we all, my brother -- and adds that she hasn't even unpacked from their trip and already she's trying to reconcile with Dawson. She admits that she's had Dawson "on [her] mind," but it doesn't mean what Pacey thinks it means. Pacey doesn't know, or care, what it means, but he's watched her get more and more preoccupied every day of the past week, "and I'm tired of it, and it better stop!" He walks away from her again. Joey sets her jaw and snaps, "You better watch who you're ordering around, Pacey -- we aren't on the boat and we haven't been for a day!" NOW the spine comes out? The hell? Why couldn't she have said those words to Dawson last season? Pacey grumbles that she shouldn't kid herself: "You got off that boat long before the two of us did." She demands to know what he means by that. "You're a smart girl, Jo -- you can figure it out," he tells her, and takes off. She purses her lips angrily and watches him go.
Oh, goody -- "Songs From Dawson's Creek Volume 2." Well, all except for that whole "oh, goody" thing. And probably that whole "Songs" thing, strictly speaking.
Dawson mopes back to his car to find Joey in the parking lot, also moping. "Still here, huh?" She says she's "just thinking." "Highly overrated activity, if you ask me," Dawson cracks. Well, nobody did, Nappy Gilmore, so stow it. He offers her a ride, and she says she'd like that, and she's pretty clearly making more out of the offer than he intended.
Back on the beach, Fab says goodbye to Andie and says she should look him up if she ever comes to Paris. Then he wiggles his eyebrows at Danny and leaves the two of them alone. "That, uh, goes for me too, you know," Danny monotones. Andie can't believe he'd still want to hang out with her after everything he heard her say that day; Danny can't believe it either. Andie jokes that she liked him better before he spoke English. Amen, sister. Then Danny lays a line on her about "a question in French, it's very popular," and asks if he can kiss her. "Oui," she says dizzily. Danny leans in, they start kissing, and then there's a quick and really obvious He's Not Really Straight, Folks cut to…
…the PB&B front lawn, where Joey tries to draw Dawson out on the subject of his new photography hobby. He says politely that he picked it up over the summer, and he didn't think he'd grow to like it as much as he has, and then he switches gears to passive-aggressive and remarks that that's always the way. Joey asks what he means, and he says with melodramatic bleakness, "You don't choose what you love, it chooses you." And now, I'd like to take a moment to describe Dawson's hair, which looks like the bastard child of Steven Seagal's and Mike's from Real World London. I mean, it's not as bad as last season's hair…well, okay, it is just as bad, but in a completely different way. But at least it has one mitigating factor: I don't think he'll run his hands through it nearly as often, since they'd probably get stuck there. Joey comes back down the steps a little ways and sighs, "Dawson…I'm very sorry." Dawson starts to get the cat's-behind look, then drops his head instead, thank the merciful heavens, and makes a little huffy noise. "I'm sorry for everything that happened last year and…for doing what I had to do," she goes on. "It -- I know how difficult it was, and probably still must be." Joey, please. Drop the chalupa. He left you no choice; stop apologizing for living your life, for fuck's sake. "It wasn't easy," Dawson grits out. "Thinking about the two of you together, every day, every night…" He trails off with a small nostril flare. Joey says, with much embarrassed shrugging and covert glancing, that he's the only one who hasn't asked "the big question." She obviously wants him to ask it, though, which icks me out. Dawson snipes that he's the only one whom "the answer could potentially kill." Heh -- and oh, how we've all dreamed of that day. Joey tells him to wait there, and she goes inside to get his gift. Dawson takes off the wrapping to find a brick, which Joey says came from "Hemingway's home in the Keys."
Oh my god. Warning: falling bile. Okay, first of all, it's not just "in the Keys," it's in Key West, so just say "Key West." It's only the most famous Key, and when you visit Key West, you drive past the Hemingway house like five times a day. Second of all, I've visited this house, and it's not made of brick, because you can accuse Hemingway of a lot of things, but "being dumb enough to build a brick house in a subtropical climate" isn't one of those things. It's stucco, people. STUCCO. No bricks. And third of all -- hi, it's a museum. It's a landmark. It's not a crumbling manse in the middle of nowhere; it has a preservation committee and a full staff. Everything's roped off and guarded, and you can't even go all the way into most of the rooms, much less stroll the grounds with a chisel and break yourself off a piece of literary history. I mean, they have signs everywhere: "Do not touch walls." "Do not touch books." "Do not touch fountain." "Do not pet cats." "Do not pick up cats." Again, I've visited the house (and I petted a cat illegally, if you must know), but really, it's not difficult to find these things out even from the comfort of a Los Angeles apartment. The writers could have learned all of these facts in exactly six seconds by using a newfangled gadget I like to call "the Internet." And fourth and lastly, why the hell would Joey bring Dawson a brick from Hemingway's house anyway? Hemingway didn't make movies; Hemingway didn't take pictures; Hemingway never lived on Cape Cod, to my knowledge. Hemingway lived in Europe and Idaho and Cuba, and he wrote books. Maybe they've heard of a couple of them. Dear writers: You don't write well enough to make up for stupid shit like this. Do your goddamn homework. Signed, everyone. PS: If you must work in a Hemingway reference, why don't you pay him homage by shooting yourselves in the head?
GOD. Okay. Speaking of which…Dawson points out that "you know the guy shot himself, Jo." Snerk. Get the hint, Count of Monte Crisco? Joey says she actually intended it as -- "please don't say 'symbol,'" Dawson interrupts. Okay, that's a pretty good line. She thinks for a moment, then says that it can represent the foundation of a new friendship. "I feel like I'm at the ribbon-cutting of a new strip mall," Dawson cracks. Dude. Where is he getting these comebacks tonight? She giggles, but Dawson rains on her parade by saying that it's going to take more than symbols to "get back what we had," and he doesn't even know for sure that he wants to. That's not what she expected to hear, clearly, and she looks down and whispers, "Okay." "We're just gonna have to take it one day at a time," Dawson tells her. "I know," she nods, and after a moment, she snatches the wrapping back from him. Carrying the brick, which he can add to the collection of bricks he shat during last season's overacting extravaganza ["or give to the show's hair and makeup department to act as the Beek's cosmetic stunt double, seeing as how it's EXACTLY THE SAME SHAPE and all" -- Wing Chun], he goes to his car; she watches him go, then says, "Hey, Dawson." He turns, nostrils a-flare in full cat-butt-face mode. Ack! She tells him that, "for what it's worth, the answer to that question everyone's been asking? It wouldn't kill ya." She goes inside. So, everyone who put money on Joey and Pacey doing it, pay up. We focus-pull out to the very greasy back of Dawson's very greasy, very large head (it's greasy, too -- did I mention that?), and he turns to face the camera and snorts all "whatever," but he looks pleased.
Inside, Joey strolls sadly into the kitchen, then grabs the keys to the truck. A testicle croons, "When you hold me like you do, it feels so right." I don't know if I get that. Anyone? Anyone want to explain that to me?
At the dock, Joey walks down to the boat and finds Pacey reading a book. She makes a big non-cute show of sharing with him her decision never to drive stick again; he sees through her and doesn't look up. Then she clambers aboard and makes a point of telling him that, six out of the seven times she stalled out the engine on the way over there, she thought of Pacey. It's "a secret thing" she does whenever she gets upset: "I guess it's kind of like taking a good mood pill or something." Pacey, listening, still doesn't look up from his book. She swore to herself that she'd never tell him that, "because it is so girly and stupid," but she decided to tell him anyway, "because…I needed to score major points for not explaining to you what went down tonight…or where I've been the last week when I haven't been on this boat." Finally, Pacey drags his eyes up to her face, suppresses a smile, and tells her, "Keep going." She explains that she wanted to see Dawson that night, not because they dated for four months, "but because for the better part of my life he was my friend, and as my friend, I [sic] hurt him deeply." And misplaced a modifier, too -- for shame! She says that hurting Dawson made her feel guilty and preoccupied, and it made her mind wander, "but…my heart? That's a fixed point. Three months riding the open waters couldn't shake it. I'll be damned if I'll let your insecurities shake it." Pacey chuckles as she adds, "And my heart never left this boat. It's never left you, and as far as I can see it's not going to anytime soon." "Okay, ya got me," Pacey smiles, pulling her into his lap. They mack. Cut to a camera angle where Katie Holmes's lips get all pooched out and weird-looking. "Hey, Pace? Do you think we could do that thing that we do sometimes?" Yeah, I got grossed out too at first, but don't let the writers manipulate you! You know it's nothing sex-related. "You wanna do that thing?" he asks. She nods. "Yeah," he says.
Inside, they lie in hammocks, Joey's above Pacey's, and Joey reads from what sounds like Grimm's version of "The Little Mermaid." They pass the book back and forth, and when it's Pacey's turn to read, he holds the book in one hand and Joey's hand in the other. After a few lines, he notices that she's fallen asleep. The hammocks rock gently. Pacey looks fondly up at the sleeping Joey.
In upcoming episodes, Dawson wants everyone to move on with their lives, Jen wants to know what a random tall guy is "doing here," Joey yells at Pacey for running away from problems, Dawson bitches to the Flash about Pacey and Joey's relationship, Andie collapses and Jack screams for help, a big storm comes to town, and fate forces something or other to do some damn thing. Also, more bad hair!