Props to Demian for posting the picture of Dawson crying on the forums, to Liz, our own Deep Throat, and to Sars, who'll be taking over my half of the show year. Sars, you know I'm always here for you in the unlikely event that you run out of jokes to make about Dawson's hair/head/jaw/behaviour/virginity/smell. But I don't think you will.
This year on Dawson's Creek? Okay, fine. Joey came on to Dawson. Dawson turned her down cold -- and I do mean cold. Dawson asked Pacey to look out for her. Pacey and Joey fell in love. Dawson made an ass of himself upon discovering it. Mick Jagger phoned Dawson and performed a special rendition of "You Can't Always Get What You Want," but Dawson put the phone on mute. Sars and Wing Chun logged a total of ninety-three hours and over $8000 in long-distance charges on the Not! Line.
It's a sunshine day in downtown Capeside. Dawson "Jaw-liver Stone" Leery and The Flash run into Joey "Boomerang" Potter and The Once and Future Bride of Flash, who are loaded down with shopping bags, emerging from a boutique. The Flash greets his bride-to-be "and her maid of honour," like how sad is it that Gale -- a woman surely pushing forty if not pulling it -- has to ask her son's teenaged friend to stand up for her at her wedding? Doesn't she have a college roommate? A former colleague at the TV station? A current colleague at the restaurant? Hell, even Grams would be a more appropriate matron of honour than Joey. Anyway, the Flashes embrace, and she yammers on a bit about the dresses and the cake, and then they take off down the street to make more plans for their sad little retreading -- oops! I mean "wedding." Watching them go, Dawson comments that his parents are as happy as he's ever seen them, and he and Joey awkwardly chit-chat about the ring. When Dawson asks after the dresses, Joey briefly complains about "the unflattering nature of bridesmaids' dresses," and Dawson effusively assures her, "I'm sure you'll look amazing," which is met with even more awkward silence, so he thanks her "again" for agreeing to be his mother's maid of honour. Joey casually says that it was an honour when his mother asked her, and that she couldn't refuse. Dawson, naturally, fails to notice that Joey is deflecting all talk of her involvement in this affair away from him, and says, "I know it means a lot to her, but it also means a lot to me. I couldn't imagine you not being a part of the ceremony [but...it's not your wedding; why should you imagine anything about it?], and in spite of any awkwardness that this might stir up --" "You know what? It's an important day for your parents, and I'm not counting on it changing either of our lives, so it's not going to stir anything up unless we let it, right?" Joey blurts, actually saying everything appropriate to the situation, for once. Dawson, a little nonplussed, says, "My point exactly -- yeah." Joey tries to scurry off, saying she has something borrowed but nothing blue yet -- isn't that just for the bride? -- but before she can escape, Dawson intones, "Shouldn't be too hard. Seems to be some of that going around these days." Huh?
Sars: Not! Line.
Wedding II: The Hair-etic. Dawson clinks his champagne glass and launches into his toast. He says that the first time his parents got married, they were very young: "I remember looking at the photo album as a kid, wondering why I wasn't in any of the pictures. It's hard when you love someone that much to imagine them having this entire life that you weren't even there for." First of all, it's reassuring in a way to know that even as a kid, Dawson was trying to make things All About Him, including events that took place before he was born. Second, he still hasn't learned that the people he loves have lives that very often have nothing to do with him. Third -- just shut up, Dawson. He goes on to say that being here today, and "finally getting to be in all the pictures," he wouldn't trade it for anything, because he'd much rather be a part of what his parents have now than what they had then: "That point where everything is forgiven. And I think that's what love really means -- that you can forgive anything." Joey looks stricken, probably because she knows he doesn't and can't mean it. Dawson concludes: "So, to my parents, who taught me that love does not conquer all -- that love ends, and begins again." Everyone drinks. Joey regards him. I chew my black licorice cigar and pray for release, which is, by my count, only about twelve minutes away.
Oh no, here it comes. The scene that launched a thousand promos. Dawson stands on the pier. Joey walks up to him and tells him his speech was beautiful. Dawson is hyperventilating as he thanks her. She asks if he meant what he said, and he says, "Every word. Which is why you should turn around and go. To Pacey....Last year you had the opportunity to go to Paris and study and because of me, you didn't." Dawson's hair looks like a yellow sea anemone, undulating in the breeze. Joey protests that he isn't the reason she didn't go, which is a lie, and Dawson says, "Yes, it was my fault, because I should have made you go. But I was selfish, and I didn't want you to go; I wanted you to stay here with me, and I refuse to make that mistake again." Too late, but whatever. Joey asks, "Well, Dawson, I mean, what if it's my choice -- I mean, what if I want to stay?" I mean, you've never been able to make that choice freely because he's restrained you or yelled at you every time you've tried, and I mean, stop saying "I mean," and read your lines properly.
Dawson says, "Joey, come on. Even I can see it. Pacey is this year's Paris. And this time you have to go. You have to see for yourself, all right? I can stand here and tell you that it's a colossal mistake and that all roads'll lead back to me [OH MY GOD, arrogant, much?], but that's not going to make any bit of difference [particularly if it's not true]. Words and speeches sound great, but they don't add up to anything. All that matters right now is what you want." By this point they're both crying. Joey claims she doesn't know what she wants, but Dawson says, "Yes, you do. You want him. You want him like I want you -- you love him like I love you. The only difference is he loves you back the same way. And you deserve that. Okay? And I'm not going to be the one who stands in the way of you getting that." I think he left "anymore" off the end of that line. He adds, "You're free. You can do whatever you want." OH MY GOD she was never yours to "free"! GET OVER YOURSELF, HEADY LAMARR! Joey sobs, "But Dawson, I want us to still be friends, and I want to know that you don't hate me!" Dawson shakes his head: "Those are words, Joey. They're just words. 'Cause after you're done dispensing your pleasantries here, you're going to turn around, and you're going to walk away from me. Aren't you." Hell no, Fugly Bogart -- she's going to RUN. Joey says, "I have to, otherwise I'll never know." "Just go," Dawson commands her. "Jo, go, I'm telling you, before I take it all back, all right. Just go! GO!" Joey turns, and as soon as she's looking the other way, Dawson's face crumples into the most hideously misguided man-crying scene since Luke Skywalker learned the truth about his father in The Empire Strikes Back: "Noooooooo! That's not true! That's impossible!" Joey runs through the wedding. Dawson collapses in a heap of moist sobbing goo on the dock. Looks good on you, ass. Looks great. Everything else that follows in this, my last Dawson's Creek episode, is secondary to the glorious, generous sendoff I got in watching as Dawson got a tiny glimpse of what kind of horrible monster he really is. For once, I have to thank the DC writers for their gift. I'll always treasure it.